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Wish I was techno savvy enough to give you explicit instructions but I know just enough to be dangerous I would definitely call the cell phone company.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...> Sent: Sunday, September 20, 2009 7:37:21 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed

wow...i said that to my son...and he said no...I will have to call the phone company...what if the text is coming from AIM? thanks

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

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Hi Jan,

Hope things are getting better, my son is only 6 so I still have all this to come.

I wouldn't have had your husband take the nice approach. I have already given up with the "nice" approach to other children. I would have taken your sons phone to the ex bf parents and shown them the txt he was sending. And said look our kids were friends for a while, but if this is the kind of things your son thinks are appropriate to send to my son I don't want them to have any contact. This is abusive and if you son doesnt stop it I will get the police involved. Why should your son be the one to loose his phone, when it wasn't him in the wrong?

It is hard to keep your head sometimes, I've lost it and started shouting, but then I usually look at his face and he looks so miserable and I know although it is a temporary release for my anger I have just made the situation 100 times worse. But I am not writing anything that you don't already know.

I admire your honesty and frankness, I think the fact that you posted on here shows that you already recognise that you need to get some help out of the situation. We all do things to try n help our kids have as easy a time as possible, but what do you do to give yourself a break? I pay WAY too much for a gym that has a kids zone so my son can play down stairs while do a body attack class or run, its only 4 hrs a week but it keeps me sane, just.

Hope things are improving for you

Lor B

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

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Jan,

I don't think you are in your sons business too much, my son doesn't fart without me knowing about it. lol

They don't tell us too much about what is happening, so if we aren't involved how will we know what is happening. Rather that punishing your son for being so desparate to be friends with this horrid boy, get round to his house and show his parents what he is txting your son.

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

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>

> Jan,

>  

> I don't think you are in your sons business too much, my son doesn't fart

without me knowing about it. lol

>  

> They don't tell us too much about what is happening, so if we aren't involved

how will we know what is happening. Rather that punishing your son for being so

desparate to be friends with this horrid boy, get round to his house and show

his parents what he is txting your son.

I agree with this. Of course, you want to respect your child's privacy as much

as possible. But if things are going on that may land him in trouble with the

police, you need to take action accordingly. And I agree about letting the

parents know about exactly what this boy is texting--I hope your husband gave

them some examples.

One thing I would do differently is that I would not let my son know I am

checking his personal things. I am not sure what purpose that serves. I

routinely make quick checks of my kids' text messages, history file on the

computer, etc., like all the professionals suggest, but I do it when they are

sleeping or not around. There are some things that parents do that I just

really don't think are the kids' business, and I don't think it is in their best

interest to know about it. I would have made the phone call to the other

parents in privacy (which I'm sure maybe he did), and only let my son know the

bare minimum necessary. I would try to tell it to him in a way that he wouldn't

know the details of how I got the information.

Another thing to consider, since this is potentially a police matter, is

actually getting the police involved--at your own initiative. It was a little

different situation, but we did this with a neighbor child, and it was very

effective. We had a neighbor boy about 2 years older that was bullying our

Asperger son, our son was about 7yo at the time--actually there were two of

them; they were scaring our son and taking things from him. One day they took

my husband's watch he had lent our son, and my husband saw red LOL. It was

about the 3rd thing they had taken. There was the one boy who had actually

taken the watch and seemed to be kind of leading his friend. My dh sat down,

thought for a minute, and said, we need to do something to let this boy's

parents know there are going to be consequences when their son messes with our

son. So, he called the police. A police officer came and talked to us. The

police officer was the one who figured out our son was being bullied regularly

by this boy; we hadn't really figured that out--he had not complained. (When

the police officer asked him if he was scared of this boy, he said " not too

bad " --he was so cute back then!) So, the police officer got us all together.

Both the boy and his mother (she turned out to be a single mom) lied about

things in front of the officer, but I could tell the officer could tell. We

didn't press charges, but the police officer let the boy and his mother know

that he had this boy's name and face and if anything else happened, he was

considered to have a history and there would be consequences. I will tell you,

we never had any problems whatsoever with that boy again (or the other one). :)

Just something to consider and keep in the back of your mind.

Good luck! I hope you and your family have a better day today!

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You can't force another boy to friend's with your child. If Jan tries to get in the middle of things like you describe below, the outcome is probably not going to be a good one. When does it work to make kids get along? The more attention that's paid to this, the worse it's going to be. I can almost guarantee it.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Monday, September 21, 2009 4:02:07 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed

Jan,

I don't think you are in your sons business too much, my son doesn't fart without me knowing about it. lol

They don't tell us too much about what is happening, so if we aren't involved how will we know what is happening. Rather that punishing your son for being so desparate to be friends with this horrid boy, get round to his house and show his parents what he is txting your son.

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

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<Lorraine wrote: I wouldn't have had your husband take the nice approach. I have already given up with the "nice" approach to other children. I would have taken your sons phone to the ex bf parents and shown them the txt he was sending. And said look our kids were friends for a while, but if this is the kind of things your son thinks are appropriate to send to my son I don't want them to have any contact. This is abusive and if you son doesnt stop it I will get the police involved. Why should your son be the one to loose his phone, when it wasn't him in the wrong?> I couldn't disagree with you more. Your son is 6, right? Jan's son is 14. You handle things differently at that age. If you're walking around being mean to families who don't understand your son, do you think it makes things better for him? You can be nice without being a doormat. And for Jan's situation, she can do things

to strengthen her relationship with her son and be a support to him without getting so intricately involved in the details which are understandably hard for her to deal with.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Monday, September 21, 2009 3:30:29 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed

Hi Jan,

Hope things are getting better, my son is only 6 so I still have all this to come.

I wouldn't have had your husband take the nice approach. I have already given up with the "nice" approach to other children. I would have taken your sons phone to the ex bf parents and shown them the txt he was sending. And said look our kids were friends for a while, but if this is the kind of things your son thinks are appropriate to send to my son I don't want them to have any contact. This is abusive and if you son doesnt stop it I will get the police involved. Why should your son be the one to loose his phone, when it wasn't him in the wrong?

It is hard to keep your head sometimes, I've lost it and started shouting, but then I usually look at his face and he looks so miserable and I know although it is a temporary release for my anger I have just made the situation 100 times worse. But I am not writing anything that you don't already know.

I admire your honesty and frankness, I think the fact that you posted on here shows that you already recognise that you need to get some help out of the situation. We all do things to try n help our kids have as easy a time as possible, but what do you do to give yourself a break? I pay WAY too much for a gym that has a kids zone so my son can play down stairs while do a body attack class or run, its only 4 hrs a week but it keeps me sane, just.

Hope things are improving for you

Lor B

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

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I am not suggesting a "forced" friendship,don't know where you got that from. I am suggesting we know enough about who our kids are hanging around with to keep them safe. And if I had a NT child that was being bombarded with nasty txts I would be round to the child house to inform their parents, so why not do it for my AS child?

Also seems humour is lost in translation.

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

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Well we'll have to agree to disagree, you seem to have made quite a few assumptons on what I have written.

I will end this here, after all its supposed to be a support group.MacAllister <smacalli@...> wrote:

From: MacAllister <smacalli@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Monday, 21 September, 2009, 1:01 PM

<Lorraine wrote: I wouldn't have had your husband take the nice approach. I have already given up with the "nice" approach to other children. I would have taken your sons phone to the ex bf parents and shown them the txt he was sending. And said look our kids were friends for a while, but if this is the kind of things your son thinks are appropriate to send to my son I don't want them to have any contact. This is abusive and if you son doesnt stop it I will get the police involved. Why should your son be the one to loose his phone, when it wasn't him in the wrong?> I couldn't disagree with you more. Your son is 6, right? Jan's son is 14. You handle things differently at that age. If you're walking around being mean to families who don't understand your son, do you think it makes things better for him? You can be nice without being a doormat. And for Jan's situation, she can do things

to strengthen her relationship with her son and be a support to him without getting so intricately involved in the details which are understandably hard for her to deal with.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@ .co. uk> Sent: Monday, September 21, 2009 3:30:29 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed

Hi Jan,

Hope things are getting better, my son is only 6 so I still have all this to come.

I wouldn't have had your husband take the nice approach. I have already given up with the "nice" approach to other children. I would have taken your sons phone to the ex bf parents and shown them the txt he was sending. And said look our kids were friends for a while, but if this is the kind of things your son thinks are appropriate to send to my son I don't want them to have any contact. This is abusive and if you son doesnt stop it I will get the police involved. Why should your son be the one to loose his phone, when it wasn't him in the wrong?

It is hard to keep your head sometimes, I've lost it and started shouting, but then I usually look at his face and he looks so miserable and I know although it is a temporary release for my anger I have just made the situation 100 times worse. But I am not writing anything that you don't already know.

I admire your honesty and frankness, I think the fact that you posted on here shows that you already recognise that you need to get some help out of the situation. We all do things to try n help our kids have as easy a time as possible, but what do you do to give yourself a break? I pay WAY too much for a gym that has a kids zone so my son can play down stairs while do a body attack class or run, its only 4 hrs a week but it keeps me sane, just.

Hope things are improving for you

Lor B

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

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I don't think she meant to force the boy to be nice or be friends. The

other kid is being nasty and harassing Jan's ds. So her suggestion is

to take the texts to the boy's parents so hopefully, they will stop him

from doing it/tell their kid to knock it off. I don't think she meant

that these two will become friends out of the situation but that the

nasty texts would be stopped. If someone was texting our ds with nasty

texts, we would probably go down and tell their parents like Lorraine

suggested. This is because taking our ds's phone away doesn't seem

very fair if he is not the one causing the problem, the other kid is.

Also, this behavior is just being repeated by Jan's ds. I mean, he

texts inappropriate things to others and it's little wonder because

this is what he is getting. He has a hard distinguishing what is

appropriate and not appropriate - one reason we would definitely be

more involved than a typical parent might.

 Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed

Oh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so

down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another

boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus

together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are

going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he

could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son

was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not

talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF

then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him.

Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him

before.

My son came home yesterday and sa

id he either lost his IPOD or left it

in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from

her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his

room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I

asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were

in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and

stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new

one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down

right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going

wrong with friends in school.

I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and20he

doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.

I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.

Help!

jan

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Yes, this is what I meant.From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer couldgo to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really

veryhard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to notlook at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, dealwith today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad.I could not see anything good happening from this. So that justreinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and aresolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed thathe was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was thebeginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. Hedidn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor wentat the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough totrythe computer classes and attend school again after two years. And heexcelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of

whatI thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff.You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I sawnothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be hisbf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I oftentry to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this isa relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point.But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that frommy perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. Ithurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but heshould also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him.0DSo speak up andmake the relationship better or find a new friend oractivity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not tooutright criticize the

friend. Instead, I comment on what is happeningto get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening -the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a numberof them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. Myolder ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" thanipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it atschool last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after artclass one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to$50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too -simple. Ithink the ipod music is in a different format soyou can'teasily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or somethinglike that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying

abunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to donothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, sodown ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to anotherboy who was being home schooled but is back now.They ride the bustogether and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they aregoing to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said hecould not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My sonwas on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would nottalk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his

BFthen made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him.Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to himbefore.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left itin his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard fromher yet...and my son just got home and went straight into hisroom....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, Iasked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones werein his backpack.... I am wondering if someone wentinto his locker andstole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a newone for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and downright NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are goingwrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and20hedoesn't want to do school work and he shouts

at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

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Ah, Jan. You and I are having a similar weekend. My son, the usual difficult one, is doing just fabulous. My Aspie 9 year old daughter has been getting more and more agitated as she gets older. We started Zoloft which helped a great deal for the sobbing fits and everything is fine until she gets mad. Then she goes off like psycho-kid. Two hour rage episode yesterday where she broke anything/everything she could find. We stopped the Zoloft. I really, REALLY don't want to start her on more powerful meds. They have caused my son so many problems. If we can just hang in there a few more years, she will improve, like my son did. I think I am losing my mind too. I don't know how much more of this I can take as well....

So..... misery loves company. :)

( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, sodown ...and my son is feeling thesame. He lost his BF ...to anotherboy who was being home schooled but is back now. They ride the bustogether and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they aregoing to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said hecould not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My sonwas on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would nottalk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BFthen made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him.Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to himbefore.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left itin his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard fromher yet...and my son just got home and went straight into hisroom....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, Iasked him about his IPOD and he said itwas gone. The ear phones werein his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went into his locker andstole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a newone for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and downright NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are goingwrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and hedoesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

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That was exactly how I felt and I lost it when I saw he had punched the laptop sceen and now it was only rainbows...I know I didn't handle it well...partly because kids were so cruel to me in 6th grade and now they are with him. I don't want him begging kids to be his friend. ....I did apologize to him and today, monday we are doing better. I also have an appt. with a psychologist for next monday...wish it was sooner but what can you do.

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Debra Balke <dlbalke@...>Subject: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Monday, September 21, 2009, 9:45 AM

 Ah, Jan. You and I are having a similar weekend. My son, the usual difficult one, is doing just fabulous. My Aspie 9 year old daughter has been getting more and more agitated as she gets older. We started Zoloft which helped a great deal for the sobbing fits and everything is fine until she gets mad. Then she goes off like psycho-kid. Two hour rage episode yesterday where she broke anything/everything she could find. We stopped the Zoloft. I really, REALLY don't want to start her on more powerful meds. They have caused my son so many problems. If we can just hang in there a few more years, she will improve, like my son did. I think I am losing my mind too. I don't know how much more of this I can take as well....

So..... misery loves company. :)

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,

I would never force a child to be friends with my son...my son was best friends with this boy for a year and half. Then this other boy entered the picture (a boy who hurt my son years ago) and my son't b.f. dropped him for the other boy. My son was on the phone begging to go down to his b.f. house. My son even said...well, what if I just stay on the stoop. I just could not listen to this any more...begging...

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer couldgo to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really veryhard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to notlook at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, dealwith today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad.I

could not see anything good happening from this. So that justreinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and aresolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed thathe was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was thebeginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. Hedidn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor wentat the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough totrythe computer classes and attend school again after two years. And heexcelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of whatI thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff.You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I sawnothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf"

is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be hisbf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I oftentry to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this isa relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point.But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that frommy perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. Ithurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but heshould also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him.0DSo speak up andmake the relationship better or find a new friend oractivity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not tooutright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happeningto get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening -the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents

too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a numberof them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. Myolder ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" thanipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it atschool last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after artclass one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to$50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too -simple. Ithink the ipod music is in a different format soyou can'teasily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or somethinglike that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying abunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to donothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, sodown ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to anotherboy who was being home schooled but is back now.They ride the bustogether and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they aregoing to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said hecould not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My sonwas on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would nottalk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BFthen made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him.Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to himbefore.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left itin

his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard fromher yet...and my son just got home and went straight into hisroom....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, Iasked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones werein his backpack.... I am wondering if someone wentinto his locker andstole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a newone for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and downright NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are goingwrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and20hedoesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

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I always take the "nice" approach...even when Poppy was alive and his kids harrassed me...I still smiled at them ...even when he was dying ...i didn't have to...I called his kids so they could come to the Hospice House. I think it is my nature...I also know my son is no sweet angel...and since they are neighbors...I like to keep things calm. And, finally, as you can tell, I don't deal well when it comes to people disliking me...they don't have to love me...but I don't want to be hated either.

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

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Thank you Lorraine....you stated it the way I feel. My son had gotten into trouble becuase of girls last year...and I think we need to be involved. I need to see the texts...there is too much violence, anger, sex and drugs out there. I listen to conversations mainly for that reason....I truly don't want any parents calling my house and say my son texted something inappropriate to their daughter. ...and my son already did this to his older (24) married cousin. He thought it was OKAY...because she was his cousin. Thank goodness it was her...becaue she understood and had the decency to call and let me know w/o judging. I told my son...never never never text nasty, dirty, sexual things especially to GIRLS. I said ...guy talks stays with the guys.

I did tell him ...if he texts his ex-b.f. or any other nasty messages...his phone will be gone!

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

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I used to give other kids the benefit of the doubt, thinking ok maybe they didn't mean to bump into him, hit him etc, but now if something happens

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

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I always gave others the benefit of the doubt, perhaps they didn't mean to bump into G, hit G etc, didn't want to stop them playing incase they didn't come back. I didn't see Gregor get headbutted, so I even gave that kid the benefit of the doubt, but then 2 girls who are friends with Gregor came to the door to ask what had happened cause the kid had been out in the street bragging about headbutting him.

Since then I don't have an issue telling other kids to go, I don't have any problem telling their parents that their little angels have not infact been out polishing their halos. lol

I used to need everything to be happy and nice, but I am at a stage in my life that some people don't like me and guess what, there are some people I don't like, and thats ok.

I don't spend my time being mean to people or thinking the worst, life is too short, but if kids/people do something that puts them off the Christmas card list, they stay off! lol

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle it.Help!jan

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ROFL, Lorraine! lol!

 Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed

I always gave others the benefit of the doubt, perhaps they didn't mean

to bump into G, hit G etc, didn't want to stop them playing incase they

didn't come back. I didn't see Gregor get headbutted, so I even gave

that kid the benefit of the doubt, but then 2 girls who are friends

with Gregor came to the door to ask what had happened cause the kid had

been out in the street bragging about headbutting him.

 

Since then I don't have an issue telling other kids to go, I don't have

any problem telling their parents that their little angels have not

infact been out polishing their halos. lol

I used to need everything to be happy and nice, but I am at a stage in

my life that some people don't like me and guess what, there are some

people I don't like, and thats ok.

 

I don't spend my time being mean to people or thinking the worst, life

is too short, but if kids/people do something that puts them off the

Christmas card list, they stay off! lol

0A

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I hear ya lorraine...and for the record...I would stay away from people like that too! I guess what I am saying...is I really don't like "big blowouts"....but I will stay away from people who have hurt me or my son.

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeasaol (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed Date: Friday, September 18, 2009, 9:46 AM

Hang in there Jan. When my older ds got depressed and no longer could go to school, I got so depressed at the same time. It was really very hard to get through that. The best help I did for myself was to not look at long term issues - just deal with short term problems, deal with today. That helped me. If I looked at the future, it was so bad. I could not see anything good happening from this. So that just reinforced the depression.Also, remember that what is going on now will have an end and a resolution. My ds ended up getting tutored. I felt so depressed that he was missing school and out of the loop. But really, it was the beginning of good things for him. He did really well in the 1-1 tutoring vs. classroom. He got A's instead of C's, D's and F's. He didn't have to work so hard to compensate for his LD and the tutor went at the pace that suited him. He regained his self-esteem enough to

try the computer classes and attend school again after two years. And he excelled at computers and found his "calling" in life. So out of what I thought was the very worst and lowest point came all the good stuff. You could not have convinced me it was good at the time though! I saw nothing but despair. But know you are not alone.Also, if his "bf" is such a wishy washy kid, maybe he shouldn't be his bf! When these kinds20of problems happen to my 12 yo ds (hfa), I often try to steer him into examining why he likes this person and if this is a relationship worthwhile to him. He does not always see the point. But maybe eventually he will. The point is, I let him know that from my perspective, this has not been a good friend to him anyway. It hurts to lose a friend (esp. when he has so few and now none...) but he should also not be friends with someone who is not being nice to him. So speak up and

make the relationship better or find a new friend or activity. That is my usual "pep talk." I have to be careful not to outright criticize the friend. Instead, I comment on what is happening to get him thinking (hopefully).But of course, it never looks that easy at the moment it is happening - the tears, the hurt...I understand how it hurts us as parents too!!As for the ipod, ugh. They are so pricey. We've gone through a number of them because they either stopped working or were lost or stolen. My older ds is into the "zune" models, also pricey but "better" than ipods, he says. My dd got one for her birthday and someone stole it at school last year. It was in her purse and then it was gone after art class one day. Now I buy the kids the cheaper MP3 players. For $20 to $50, they hold tons of music. We download music off amazon too - simple. I think the ipod music is in a different format so

you can't easily transfer the music to another player. It's MP4 or something like that. So that really annoyed me to find that out after buying a bunch of music!Hang in there!! Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedOh, woe to be thee ..woe to be me....I feel so lost, so dpressed, so down ...and my son is feeling the same. He lost his BF ...to another boy who was being home schooled but is back now.

They ride the bus together and my son rides the smaller bus. So they plan what they are going to do that day and leave him out. The other day...his BF said he could not come down and that the other kid wasn't home...lie. My son was on the phone when he heard the other boy...and his BF would not talk. Then my son jumped on his bike and went down there....his BF then made up a story that they were going to come up and surprise him. Yeah right...I don't believe it one bit...his BF has lied to him before.My son came home yesterday and said he either lost his IPOD or left it in his locker....I emailed the asst. principal ...have not heard from her yet...and my son just got home and went straight into his room....he was calling his BF....but got no answer. In the meantime, I asked him about his IPOD and he said it was gone. The ear phones were in his backpack.... I am wondering if someone went

into his locker and stole it. I am sick over it...my husband said we could get him a new one for his birthday...I don't want to...he has been rude and down right NASTY to me and my husband. I truly beleive things are going wrong with friends in school.I can't function like this...he is sad and I can't fix it...and he doesn't want to do school work and he shouts at us and is very nasty.I feel like running away from all of this ..I just can't handle

it.Help!jan

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