Re: Son Depressed , I'm depressed/Refections on comments

[Guest guest]

The Moment 22 of Asperger´s....not being fully able to identify that you are being bullied/badly treated and not being able to complain even to a parent... the links are missing all the way....step 1: noticing you are being affronded....step 2...knowing how to feel/react to that...step 3: knowing how to interact with the bully...step 4: ..knowing how much to do,responding verbally/physically..step 5: knowing what to expect after that....no wonder it goes wrong in so many ways.....no wonder we parents feel the strong urge to follow in our children´s steps, supervise,encourage,be frustrated....no wonder at all!

--- Den mån 2009-09-21 skrev r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>:

Från: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Ämne: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedTill: Datum: måndag 21 september 2009 12.19

>> Jan,> > I don't think you are in your sons business too much, my son doesn't fart without me knowing about it. lol> > They don't tell us too much about what is happening, so if we aren't involved how will we know what is happening. Rather that punishing your son for being so desparate to be friends with this horrid boy, get round to his house and show his parents what he is txting your son.I agree with this. Of course, you want to respect your child's privacy as much as possible. But if things are going on that may land him in trouble with the police, you need to take action accordingly. And I agree about letting the

parents know about exactly what this boy is texting--I hope your husband gave them some examples.One thing I would do differently is that I would not let my son know I am checking his personal things. I am not sure what purpose that serves. I routinely make quick checks of my kids' text messages, history file on the computer, etc., like all the professionals suggest, but I do it when they are sleeping or not around. There are some things that parents do that I just really don't think are the kids' business, and I don't think it is in their best interest to know about it. I would have made the phone call to the other parents in privacy (which I'm sure maybe he did), and only let my son know the bare minimum necessary. I would try to tell it to him in a way that he wouldn't know the details of how I got the information.Another thing to consider, since this is potentially a police matter, is actually getting the police involved--at your own

initiative. It was a little different situation, but we did this with a neighbor child, and it was very effective. We had a neighbor boy about 2 years older that was bullying our Asperger son, our son was about 7yo at the time--actually there were two of them; they were scaring our son and taking things from him. One day they took my husband's watch he had lent our son, and my husband saw red LOL. It was about the 3rd thing they had taken. There was the one boy who had actually taken the watch and seemed to be kind of leading his friend. My dh sat down, thought for a minute, and said, we need to do something to let this boy's parents know there are going to be consequences when their son messes with our son. So, he called the police. A police officer came and talked to us. The police officer was the one who figured out our son was being bullied regularly by this boy; we hadn't really figured that out--he had not complained. (When the police officer

asked him if he was scared of this boy, he said "not too bad"--he was so cute back then!) So, the police officer got us all together. Both the boy and his mother (she turned out to be a single mom) lied about things in front of the officer, but I could tell the officer could tell. We didn't press charges, but the police officer let the boy and his mother know that he had this boy's name and face and if anything else happened, he was considered to have a history and there would be consequences. I will tell you, we never had any problems whatsoever with that boy again (or the other one). Just something to consider and keep in the back of your mind.Good luck! I hope you and your family have a better day today!

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.

Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.

[Guest guest]

...you are so right...you are so right!!!!

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Karolina Sjödin <pettson39@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed/Refections on comments Date: Tuesday, September 22, 2009, 1:52 PM

The Moment 22 of Asperger´s... .not being fully able to identify that you are being bullied/badly treated and not being able to complain even to a parent... the links are missing all the way....step 1: noticing you are being affronded... .step 2...knowing how to feel/react to that...step 3: knowing how to interact with the bully...step 4: ..knowing how much to do,responding verbally/physically ..step 5: knowing what to expect after that....no wonder it goes wrong in so many ways.....no wonder we parents feel the strong urge to follow in our children´s steps, supervise,encourage ,be frustrated.. ..no wonder at all!

--- Den mån 2009-09-21 skrev r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>:

Från: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Ämne: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedTill: Datum: måndag 21 september 2009 12.19

>> Jan,> > I don't think you are in your sons business too much, my son doesn't fart without me knowing about it. lol> > They don't tell us too much about what is happening, so if we aren't involved how will we know what is happening. Rather that punishing your son for being so desparate to be friends with this horrid boy, get round to his house and show his parents what he is txting your son.I agree with this. Of course, you want to respect your child's privacy as much as possible. But if things are going on that may land him in trouble with the police, you need to take action accordingly. And I agree about letting the parents know about exactly what this boy is

texting--I hope your husband gave them some examples.One thing I would do differently is that I would not let my son know I am checking his personal things. I am not sure what purpose that serves. I routinely make quick checks of my kids' text messages, history file on the computer, etc., like all the professionals suggest, but I do it when they are sleeping or not around. There are some things that parents do that I just really don't think are the kids' business, and I don't think it is in their best interest to know about it. I would have made the phone call to the other parents in privacy (which I'm sure maybe he did), and only let my son know the bare minimum necessary. I would try to tell it to him in a way that he wouldn't know the details of how I got the information.Another thing to consider, since this is potentially a police matter, is actually getting the police involved--at your own initiative. It was a little different

situation, but we did this with a neighbor child, and it was very effective. We had a neighbor boy about 2 years older that was bullying our Asperger son, our son was about 7yo at the time--actually there were two of them; they were scaring our son and taking things from him. One day they took my husband's watch he had lent our son, and my husband saw red LOL. It was about the 3rd thing they had taken. There was the one boy who had actually taken the watch and seemed to be kind of leading his friend. My dh sat down, thought for a minute, and said, we need to do something to let this boy's parents know there are going to be consequences when their son messes with our son. So, he called the police. A police officer came and talked to us. The police officer was the one who figured out our son was being bullied regularly by this boy; we hadn't really figured that out--he had not complained. (When the police officer asked him if he was scared of this boy, he

said "not too bad"--he was so cute back then!) So, the police officer got us all together. Both the boy and his mother (she turned out to be a single mom) lied about things in front of the officer, but I could tell the officer could tell. We didn't press charges, but the police officer let the boy and his mother know that he had this boy's name and face and if anything else happened, he was considered to have a history and there would be consequences. I will tell you, we never had any problems whatsoever with that boy again (or the other one). Just something to consider and keep in the back of your mind.Good luck! I hope you and your family have a better day today!

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.

[Guest guest]

Janice: as you mentioned in your post, some of us moms/dads have the similar experiences from our own school time. Not knowing why everything feels wrong and why you never get it with friends. I cannot remember myself begging for friends, I did som awkward things indeed, but why want to befriend people around you who are mean,shallow and not interesting in any means? As someone said, having no friends is better than having bad ones.The only thing you learn is that social interaction is done for its own sake, that people in common seem to have a sort of overnatural connection(maybe kind of brain waves) that makes them do the same things,behave the same and do bad things in group settings to those who don´t fit in and we are some. That´s why NT kids are so hard on "our" kids, as another poster said.Conclusion:it is better to try build it´s

own self esteem than befriending anyone cuz you don´t to be alone.

Coming to the ends we are all alone.

--- Den ons 2009-09-23 skrev rushen janice <jrushen@...>:

Från: rushen janice <jrushen@...>Ämne: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed/Refections on commentsTill: Datum: onsdag 23 september 2009 02.57

...you are so right...you are so right!!!!

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Karolina Sjödin <pettson39 (DOT) se>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed/Refection s on comments Date: Tuesday, September 22, 2009, 1:52 PM

The Moment 22 of Asperger´s... .not being fully able to identify that you are being bullied/badly treated and not being able to complain even to a parent... the links are missing all the way....step 1: noticing you are being affronded... .step 2...knowing how to feel/react to that...step 3: knowing how to interact with the bully...step 4: ..knowing how much to do,responding verbally/physically ..step 5: knowing what to expect after that....no wonder it goes wrong in so many ways.....no wonder we parents feel the strong urge to follow in our children´s steps, supervise,encourage ,be frustrated.. ..no wonder at all!

--- Den mån 2009-09-21 skrev r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>:

Från: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Ämne: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedTill: Datum: måndag 21 september 2009 12.19

>> Jan,> > I don't think you are in your sons business too much, my son doesn't fart without me knowing about it. lol> > They don't tell us too much about what is happening, so if we aren't involved how will we know what is happening. Rather that punishing your son for being so desparate to be friends with this horrid boy, get round to his house and show his parents what he is txting your son.I agree with this. Of course, you want to respect your child's privacy as much as possible. But if things are going on that may land him in trouble with the police, you need to take action accordingly. And I agree about letting the parents know about exactly what this boy is

texting--I hope your husband gave them some examples.One thing I would do differently is that I would not let my son know I am checking his personal things. I am not sure what purpose that serves. I routinely make quick checks of my kids' text messages, history file on the computer, etc., like all the professionals suggest, but I do it when they are sleeping or not around. There are some things that parents do that I just really don't think are the kids' business, and I don't think it is in their best interest to know about it. I would have made the phone call to the other parents in privacy (which I'm sure maybe he did), and only let my son know the bare minimum necessary. I would try to tell it to him in a way that he wouldn't know the details of how I got the information.Another thing to consider, since this is potentially a police matter, is actually getting the police involved--at your own initiative. It was a little different

situation, but we did this with a neighbor child, and it was very effective. We had a neighbor boy about 2 years older that was bullying our Asperger son, our son was about 7yo at the time--actually there were two of them; they were scaring our son and taking things from him. One day they took my husband's watch he had lent our son, and my husband saw red LOL. It was about the 3rd thing they had taken. There was the one boy who had actually taken the watch and seemed to be kind of leading his friend. My dh sat down, thought for a minute, and said, we need to do something to let this boy's parents know there are going to be consequences when their son messes with our son. So, he called the police. A police officer came and talked to us. The police officer was the one who figured out our son was being bullied regularly by this boy; we hadn't really figured that out--he had not complained. (When the police officer asked him if he was scared of this boy, he

said "not too bad"--he was so cute back then!) So, the police officer got us all together. Both the boy and his mother (she turned out to be a single mom) lied about things in front of the officer, but I could tell the officer could tell. We didn't press charges, but the police officer let the boy and his mother know that he had this boy's name and face and if anything else happened, he was considered to have a history and there would be consequences. I will tell you, we never had any problems whatsoever with that boy again (or the other one). Just something to consider and keep in the back of your mind.Good luck! I hope you and your family have a better day today!

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.

Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.

[Guest guest]

So true So true...I get it...but son doesn't...at least not yet. Right now he is in his room listening to music and being moody...won't talk...I am wondering if something happened in school????? I will wait and see.

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Karolina Sjödin <pettson39 (DOT) se>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed/Refection s on comments Date: Tuesday, September 22, 2009, 1:52 PM

The Moment 22 of Asperger´s... .not being fully able to identify that you are being bullied/badly treated and not being able to complain even to a parent... the links are missing all the way....step 1: noticing you are being affronded... .step 2...knowing how to feel/react to that...step 3: knowing how to interact with the bully...step 4: ..knowing how much to do,responding verbally/physically ..step 5: knowing what to expect after that....no wonder it goes wrong in so many ways.....no wonder we parents feel the strong urge to follow in our children´s steps, supervise,encourage ,be frustrated.. ..no wonder at all!

--- Den mån 2009-09-21 skrev r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>:

Från: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Ämne: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedTill: Datum: måndag 21 september 2009 12.19

>> Jan,> > I don't think you are in your sons business too much, my son doesn't fart without me knowing about it. lol> > They don't tell us too much about what is happening, so if we aren't involved how will we know what is happening. Rather that punishing your son for being so desparate to be friends with this horrid boy, get round to his house and show his parents what he is txting your son.I agree with this. Of course, you want to respect your child's privacy as much as possible. But if things are going on that may land him in trouble with the police, you need to take action accordingly. And I agree about letting the parents know about exactly what this boy is

texting--I hope your husband gave them some examples.One thing I would do differently is that I would not let my son know I am checking his personal things. I am not sure what purpose that serves. I routinely make quick checks of my kids' text messages, history file on the computer, etc., like all the professionals suggest, but I do it when they are sleeping or not around. There are some things that parents do that I just really don't think are the kids' business, and I don't think it is in their best interest to know about it. I would have made the phone call to the other parents in privacy (which I'm sure maybe he did), and only let my son know the bare minimum necessary. I would try to tell it to him in a way that he wouldn't know the details of how I got the information.Another thing to consider, since this is potentially a police matter, is actually getting the police involved--at your own initiative. It was a little different

situation, but we did this with a neighbor child, and it was very effective. We had a neighbor boy about 2 years older that was bullying our Asperger son, our son was about 7yo at the time--actually there were two of them; they were scaring our son and taking things from him. One day they took my husband's watch he had lent our son, and my husband saw red LOL. It was about the 3rd thing they had taken. There was the one boy who had actually taken the watch and seemed to be kind of leading his friend. My dh sat down, thought for a minute, and said, we need to do something to let this boy's parents know there are going to be consequences when their son messes with our son. So, he called the police. A police officer came and talked to us. The police officer was the one who figured out our son was being bullied regularly by this boy; we hadn't really figured that out--he had not complained. (When the police officer asked him if he was scared of this boy, he

said "not too bad"--he was so cute back then!) So, the police officer got us all together. Both the boy and his mother (she turned out to be a single mom) lied about things in front of the officer, but I could tell the officer could tell. We didn't press charges, but the police officer let the boy and his mother know that he had this boy's name and face and if anything else happened, he was considered to have a history and there would be consequences. I will tell you, we never had any problems whatsoever with that boy again (or the other one). Just something to consider and keep in the back of your mind.Good luck! I hope you and your family have a better day today!

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.

[Guest guest]

If your son is anything like mine, trying to find out if anything happened at school is like getting blood out a stone. lol. I ask how was school, usually he answers quite fine, I ask did you have a laugh, he'll say yes, I ask did anything upset you, by then he is fed up and tells me not to ask anymore question. So I am none the wiser.

From: Karolina Sjödin <pettson39 (DOT) se>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed/Refection s on comments Date: Tuesday, September 22, 2009, 1:52 PM

The Moment 22 of Asperger´s... .not being fully able to identify that you are being bullied/badly treated and not being able to complain even to a parent... the links are missing all the way....step 1: noticing you are being affronded... .step 2...knowing how to feel/react to that...step 3: knowing how to interact with the bully...step 4: ..knowing how much to do,responding verbally/physically ..step 5: knowing what to expect after that....no wonder it goes wrong in so many ways.....no wonder we parents feel the strong urge to follow in our children´s steps, supervise,encourage ,be frustrated.. ..no wonder at all!

--- Den mån 2009-09-21 skrev r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>:

Från: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Ämne: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedTill: Datum: måndag 21 september 2009 12.19

>> Jan,> > I don't think you are in your sons business too much, my son doesn't fart without me knowing about it. lol> > They don't tell us too much about what is happening, so if we aren't involved how will we know what is happening. Rather that punishing your son for being so desparate to be friends with this horrid boy, get round to his house and show his parents what he is txting your son.I agree with this. Of course, you want to respect your child's privacy as much as possible. But if things are going on that may land him in trouble with the police, you need to take action accordingly. And I agree about letting the parents know about exactly what this boy is

texting--I hope your husband gave them some examples.One thing I would do differently is that I would not let my son know I am checking his personal things. I am not sure what purpose that serves. I routinely make quick checks of my kids' text messages, history file on the computer, etc., like all the professionals suggest, but I do it when they are sleeping or not around. There are some things that parents do that I just really don't think are the kids' business, and I don't think it is in their best interest to know about it. I would have made the phone call to the other parents in privacy (which I'm sure maybe he did), and only let my son know the bare minimum necessary. I would try to tell it to him in a way that he wouldn't know the details of how I got the information.Another thing to consider, since this is potentially a police matter, is actually getting the police involved--at your own initiative. It was a little different

situation, but we did this with a neighbor child, and it was very effective. We had a neighbor boy about 2 years older that was bullying our Asperger son, our son was about 7yo at the time--actually there were two of them; they were scaring our son and taking things from him. One day they took my husband's watch he had lent our son, and my husband saw red LOL. It was about the 3rd thing they had taken. There was the one boy who had actually taken the watch and seemed to be kind of leading his friend. My dh sat down, thought for a minute, and said, we need to do something to let this boy's parents know there are going to be consequences when their son messes with our son. So, he called the police. A police officer came and talked to us. The police officer was the one who figured out our son was being bullied regularly by this boy; we hadn't really figured that out--he had not complained. (When the police officer asked him if he was scared of this boy, he

said "not too bad"--he was so cute back then!) So, the police officer got us all together. Both the boy and his mother (she turned out to be a single mom) lied about things in front of the officer, but I could tell the officer could tell. We didn't press charges, but the police officer let the boy and his mother know that he had this boy's name and face and if anything else happened, he was considered to have a history and there would be consequences. I will tell you, we never had any problems whatsoever with that boy again (or the other one). Just something to consider and keep in the back of your mind.Good luck! I hope you and your family have a better day today!

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.