Re: school grades?

[Guest guest]

I have not read the other responses yet, but I will chime in on

this one.

I watched a video once, from a speaker who spoke specifically

about ADHD, or “Quick Smart Kids”, as he called them Anyway…

he talked about grades, and gave this WONDERFUL example. He had the teachers

who were in attendance stand on one side of the room, and the parents on the

other. The teachers represented the “NT” kids. The parents were the

“quick smart kids”. He set up a situation where he explained that

the teachers were very brainy, intelligent, got good grades at school, etc. The

parents, however, got C’s and D’s, but were creative, out of the

box thinkers, spontaneous, etc. Then he said he dropped both groups on an

island, and they had to find their way through a jungle to get to a meeting

place. And wondered which group everyone thought would arrive first? Guess

what? EVERYONE, including the teachers, voted that the “QUICK SMART”

kids would arrive first, because they wouldn’t over think it, they would

come up with creative ways, and faced with a problem, they could find a way

around it faster and likely more efficiently.

The moral was… grades aren’t everything. When you go

to apply for a job in the real world, they don’t ask for your high school

transcripts. While I believe school is important, and education is important, I

have ALWAYS placed higher value on “COMMON SENSE” and a real honest

effort.

If your son is learning about social skills, and overcoming all

his obstacles and really giving it his all into his school work, then I say a C

is perfect. If you feel he could be trying harder, then that’s another

issue.

That’s just my 2 (or 25 lol) cents I hope you get it

figured out !!

=)

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of jrushen

Sent: Wednesday, October 07, 2009 6:22 PM

Subject: ( ) school grades?

I need some advice, opinions...etc. I vowed to

step back this year and I have...my son was doing ok....but I looked on letter

grade and he got a 50 on a math quiz, his English grade is now at 78 as well as

Math and his science grade is a 37....

His science grade should be higher...he had a lab measurement report due and I

helped him by typing it...he brought it in...he got it back saying it would be

an 80 with the revisions....we revised it....got it back ...more

revision...revised it and revised it again...of course it was due on Friday and

my son said it was due on Tuesday....so he got a detention but they took it

away since he handed it in on Monday. I sort of felt this teacher was looking

for too much from my son...the report was creating a new measuring tool and

then explaining how to use it....he wanted details ...like go to class 100,

walk in and turn left...go to the end and make a right and walk to the counter.

On the counter will be the box....and then go into very detailed directions...

I guess I am pissed that after all this work he is only getting a 75 becuase he

didn't bring back the original work and I threw it out...(my fault)...

I guess I am starting to worry again...80 is not bad but in our district that

is a C....and anything below 70 is failing...His English is not going so well

either...

Am I worrying too much. Am I expecting too much? I think it bothers me because

school was important to me as a child and I always did so well...

Helppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp

jan

[Guest guest]

Not sure where to begin to respond to your questions about grades. First of all

a big virtual hug, because I have been there, too. I used to do what you are

doing - helping my son keep track of assignments, typing papers for him, making

sure that things got turned in on time, lots of phone calls to teachers, and so

on. It was exhausting and frustrating for me to watch my son's spirit slowly

being crushed.

He was able to get by in the public schools when he was in grade school, but as

he got older, it just got harder for him to make sense of what he was supposed

to say or do, both inside and outside of the classroom. He would get As in the

classes that were quiet or highly structured and Fs in the classes where it was

noisy or chaotic. His childhood friends drifted away and his anxiety went

through the roof.

The solution for my son was finally getting an IEP where he really got the

accommodations he needed to level the playing field. We switched to a different

high school where the teachers were willing to work with his strengths. I am

proud to say that in his senior year, for the very first time in his life, he

did every homework assignment, every project, and turned everything in on time

without me having to do a thing. And he also took a night class at the local

community college.

Your son has Aspergers and so although he is smart, he probably has real

problems with executive functioning and probably some other issues as well. He

is getting older, his school work is getting more demanding, and he needs more

help than what you can give him. It sounds like it is time to get an IEP with

some real accommodations in place for him. He should not be penalized for not

being able to do things that are impossible for him to do because of his

disability. He should not be getting detentions because of his disability. It's

time for you to go into mama bear mode, tell the school about his disability,

and ask them to give him the help that the law says he is entitled to have.

[Guest guest]

Jan my daughter has AS too. And a non verbal learning disorder.

Pressure in school would trigger anxiety in my daughter and

so we had her classified under IEP. And we had her put into

special education classes even though her reasoning skills

are above average. She gets lots of help, homework is modified

and grades are adjusted too. She still has the state tests

to look at to see if she is at grade level (often she has been

above she is a smart kid).

Anyway, my friends with typical kids are helping there kids

a lot too. And worried about grades too. Just like you.

Now the question is can your son cope as do non AS kids

cope with the stress of detentions and perhaps marked

down for turning things in late or partially done.

My daughter could not cope and it would trigger extreme

school anxiety and school refusal.

When she was mainstreamed (up until 5th grade) I was doing too much of her

homework assignments anyway. I had the school send me assignments in advance and

we had another set of books, I had extensions on all big projects and we were

allowed to similify projects too. Still she could not keep up.

I hope this helps hearing our situation and why

grades and homework were modified. We had to for her

well being.

You always have an option to simiplify workloads

if you need to.

Pam

>

> I need some advice, opinions...etc. I vowed to step back this year and I

have...my son was doing ok....but I looked on letter grade and he got a 50 on a

math quiz, his English grade is now at 78 as well as Math and his science grade

is a 37....

>

> His science grade should be higher...he had a lab measurement report due and I

helped him by typing it...he brought it in...he got it back saying it would be

an 80 with the revisions....we revised it....got it back ...more

revision...revised it and revised it again...of course it was due on Friday and

my son said it was due on Tuesday....so he got a detention but they took it away

since he handed it in on Monday. I sort of felt this teacher was looking for

too much from my son...the report was creating a new measuring tool and then

explaining how to use it....he wanted details ...like go to class 100, walk in

and turn left...go to the end and make a right and walk to the counter. On the

counter will be the box....and then go into very detailed directions...

> I guess I am pissed that after all this work he is only getting a 75 becuase

he didn't bring back the original work and I threw it out...(my fault)...

>

> I guess I am starting to worry again...80 is not bad but in our district that

is a C....and anything below 70 is failing...His English is not going so well

either...

>

> Am I worrying too much. Am I expecting too much? I think it bothers me

because school was important to me as a child and I always did so well...

>

> Helppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp

>

> jan

>

[Guest guest]

Yes...we may have to have a meeting. My son says the Spe.Ed. teacher is yelling at him all the time and she said his attitude is changing.....well, i wonder why??? And, the bandteacher wrote him up for sitting..his knees hurt ..so I will have to get a doctors' note.

I am just pissed at the school...his science teacher is a Dr. and i think it has gone to his head....you see the test he is giving...all open ended questions. I know my son is going to fail. And, you are right....I am going to have to get out my IEP for him ...he is to have modified work, longer test time, modified tests. We work hard on that stupid paper....and he only gets a 75 because he didn't bring back the original paper which I threw out after making the corrections. Something needs to be done or I will end up in the hospital angry at my son, and the school and just way too stressed.

As for your daughter....you can get a waiver for her for the State tests. WE have a student (girl) who got too stressed taking the exams....and she was waivered. What a difference. Check into this. It is a medical reason and your daughter should not be placed in that stressful situation.

jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Pamela <susanonderko@...>Subject: ( ) Re: school grades? Date: Thursday, October 8, 2009, 1:26 PM

Jan my daughter has AS too. And a non verbal learning disorder.Pressure in school would trigger anxiety in my daughter and so we had her classified under IEP. And we had her put into special education classes even though her reasoning skillsare above average. She gets lots of help, homework is modifiedand grades are adjusted too. She still has the state teststo look at to see if she is at grade level (often she has been above she is a smart kid).Anyway, my friends with typical kids are helping there kidsa lot too. And worried about grades too. Just like you. Now the question is can your son cope as do non AS kids cope with the stress of detentions and perhaps markeddown for turning things in late or partially done.My daughter could not cope and it would trigger extreme school anxiety and school refusal.When she was mainstreamed (up until 5th grade) I was doing too much of

her homework assignments anyway. I had the school send me assignments in advance and we had another set of books, I had extensions on all big projects and we were allowed to similify projects too. Still she could not keep up. I hope this helps hearing our situation and why grades and homework were modified. We had to for herwell being. You always have an option to simiplify workloadsif you need to. Pam >> I need some advice, opinions...etc. I vowed to step back this year and I have...my son was doing ok....but I looked on letter grade and he got a 50 on a math quiz, his English grade is now at 78 as well as Math and his science grade is a

37....> > His science grade should be higher...he had a lab measurement report due and I helped him by typing it...he brought it in...he got it back saying it would be an 80 with the revisions... .we revised it....got it back ...more revision...revised it and revised it again...of course it was due on Friday and my son said it was due on Tuesday....so he got a detention but they took it away since he handed it in on Monday. I sort of felt this teacher was looking for too much from my son...the report was creating a new measuring tool and then explaining how to use it....he wanted details ...like go to class 100, walk in and turn left...go to the end and make a right and walk to the counter. On the counter will be the box....and then go into very detailed directions.. .> I guess I am pissed that after all this work he is only getting a 75 becuase he didn't bring back the original work and I threw it out...(my fault)...>

> I guess I am starting to worry again...80 is not bad but in our district that is a C....and anything below 70 is failing...His English is not going so well either...> > Am I worrying too much. Am I expecting too much? I think it bothers me because school was important to me as a child and I always did so well...> > Helpppppppppppppppp ppppppppppppp> > jan>

[Guest guest]

Love the mama bear mode, that is exactly it. lol

From: <tamaoki_s@...>Subject: ( ) Re: school grades? Date: Thursday, 8 October, 2009, 5:59 PM

Not sure where to begin to respond to your questions about grades. First of all a big virtual hug, because I have been there, too. I used to do what you are doing - helping my son keep track of assignments, typing papers for him, making sure that things got turned in on time, lots of phone calls to teachers, and so on. It was exhausting and frustrating for me to watch my son's spirit slowly being crushed. He was able to get by in the public schools when he was in grade school, but as he got older, it just got harder for him to make sense of what he was supposed to say or do, both inside and outside of the classroom. He would get As in the classes that were quiet or highly structured and Fs in the classes where it was noisy or chaotic. His childhood friends drifted away and his anxiety went through the roof. The solution for my son was finally getting an IEP where he really got the accommodations he needed to level the playing field.

We switched to a different high school where the teachers were willing to work with his strengths. I am proud to say that in his senior year, for the very first time in his life, he did every homework assignment, every project, and turned everything in on time without me having to do a thing. And he also took a night class at the local community college. Your son has Aspergers and so although he is smart, he probably has real problems with executive functioning and probably some other issues as well. He is getting older, his school work is getting more demanding, and he needs more help than what you can give him. It sounds like it is time to get an IEP with some real accommodations in place for him. He should not be penalized for not being able to do things that are impossible for him to do because of his disability. He should not be getting detentions because of his disability. It's time for you to go into mama bear mode, tell the school about

his disability, and ask them to give him the help that the law says he is entitled to have.

[Guest guest]

That's good, .

I couldn't help but think that if my son would have been one of them in the "experiment", he would have been asking if there was Internet hookup on the island. Sigh........

Robin

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...>Subject: RE: ( ) school grades? Date: Thursday, October 8, 2009, 7:09 AM

I have not read the other responses yet, but I will chime in on this one.

I watched a video once, from a speaker who spoke specifically about ADHD, or “Quick Smart Kidsâ€, as he called them Anyway… he talked about grades, and gave this WONDERFUL example. He had the teachers who were in attendance stand on one side of the room, and the parents on the other. The teachers represented the “NT†kids. The parents were the “quick smart kidsâ€. He set up a situation where he explained that the teachers were very brainy, intelligent, got good grades at school, etc. The parents, however, got C’s and D’s, but were creative, out of the box thinkers, spontaneous, etc. Then he said he dropped both groups on an island, and they had to find their way through a jungle to get to a meeting place. And wondered which group everyone thought would arrive first? Guess what? EVERYONE, including the teachers, voted that the “QUICK SMART†kids would arrive first,

because they wouldn’t over think it, they would come up with creative ways, and faced with a problem, they could find a way around it faster and likely more efficiently.

The moral was… grades aren’t everything. When you go to apply for a job in the real world, they don’t ask for your high school transcripts. While I believe school is important, and education is important, I have ALWAYS placed higher value on “COMMON SENSE†and a real honest effort.

If your son is learning about social skills, and overcoming all his obstacles and really giving it his all into his school work, then I say a C is perfect. If you feel he could be trying harder, then that’s another issue.

That’s just my 2 (or 25 lol) cents I hope you get it figured out !!

=)

From: [mailto:AspergersSu pport@group s.com] On Behalf Of jrushenSent: Wednesday, October 07, 2009 6:22 PM Subject: ( ) school grades?

I need some advice, opinions...etc. I vowed to step back this year and I have...my son was doing ok....but I looked on letter grade and he got a 50 on a math quiz, his English grade is now at 78 as well as Math and his science grade is a 37....His science grade should be higher...he had a lab measurement report due and I helped him by typing it...he brought it in...he got it back saying it would be an 80 with the revisions... .we revised it....got it back ...more revision...revised it and revised it again...of course it was due on Friday and my son said it was due on Tuesday....so he got a detention but they took it away since he handed it in on Monday. I sort of felt this teacher was looking for too much from my son...the report was creating a new measuring tool and then explaining how to use it....he wanted details ...like go to class 100, walk in and turn left...go to the end and make a right and walk to the counter. On the counter will

be the box....and then go into very detailed directions.. .I guess I am pissed that after all this work he is only getting a 75 becuase he didn't bring back the original work and I threw it out...(my fault)...I guess I am starting to worry again...80 is not bad but in our district that is a C....and anything below 70 is failing...His English is not going so well either...Am I worrying too much. Am I expecting too much? I think it bothers me because school was important to me as a child and I always did so well...Helpppppppppppppppp pppppppppppppjan

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

It would bug me. He needs a sped teacher to run interference for him

and also to keep him on track with his work.

Sometimes, these assignments are brutal for our kids. Right now, my ds

(13 yo, hfa) has an assignment to create an invention. All he can come

up with are things already invented. lol. Duh.

As for stepping back, you really can't do that. He's going to need

extra help and support for many years to come.

 Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

( ) school grades?

I need some advice, opinions...etc. I vowed to step back this year and

I have...my son was doing ok....but I looked on letter grade and he got

a 50 on a math quiz, his English grade is now at 78 as well as Math and

his science grade is a 37....

His science grade should be higher...he had a lab measurement report

due and I helped him by typing it...he brought it in...he got it back

saying it would be an 80 with the revisions....we revised it....got it

back ...more revision...revised it and revised it again...of course it

was due on Friday and my son said it was due on Tuesday....so he got a

detention but they took it away since he handed it in on Mon

day. I

sort of felt this teacher was looking for too much from my son...the

report was creating a new measuring tool and then explaining how to use

it....he wanted details ...like go to class 100, walk in and turn

left...go to the end and make a right and walk to the counter. On the

counter will be the box....and then go into very detailed directions...

I guess I am pissed that after all this work he is only getting a 75

becuase he didn't bring back the original work and I threw it out...(my

fault)...

I guess I am starting to worry again...80 is not bad but in our

district that is a C....and anything below 70 is failing...His English

is not going so well either...

Am I worrying too much. Am I expecting too much? I think it bothers me

because school was important to me as a child and I always did so

well...

Helppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp

jan