Re: Feeling Mad and Having A Pity Party For Myself

[Guest guest]

It definately is very hard to raise a child with these type of issues.

It is emotionally draining and stressful. I find I can cope with

hearing about other kids interests and activities as long as

my daughter is not left out. My daughter doesn't play sport

but she likes dance. So I focus on that. My daughter doesn't

have friends, but she sees her cousins I focus on that. My daughter

needs lots of help, I focus on teaching self care. I avoid

anyone that is unkind to my daughter or leaves her out. That

means we have few friends, but there is no sense in punishing

her or me. To cope it helps to focus on what they

can do, and focus on a few skills to teach. Focus on keeping

his mind flexible and not allow too much ridgid fix interests.

It is hard. No doubt about it. I find that talking to a counselor

helps me feel understood.

I think if your son's emotions are under control, anxiety and

irritability that goes a long way. The most miserable times

are when are kids are having tantrums and hitting ...not fun.

That has to be a priority. If that is under control. thank goodness

right?

Pam

>

> This has been sticking aroung for way too long! I find myself jealous and

annoyed with people who have " normal " kids. I am annoyed with everyone having

perfect little babies and getting pregnant lately. I am mad that everything for

me is always hard and I never get to enjoy things like everyone else. It

started back with me losing 3 pregnacies (2 in the second trimester), so

pregnancy was not fun for me. Than I had a difficult toddler and now an awkward

9 year old. I am sad he doesn't plan like other 9 year old boys, yet I know I

should be proud of the things he does accomplish. I feel bad for not accepting

him the way he is and for not being thankful for the child I have to loe (when

some people never get to have children). I feel like a failure for not being

able to have babies easy or for not having a " perfect " child. I am jealous of

parents who have easy children. Those who strive for straight A's, want to play

sports and don't get judged for being different bacause they try to fit in. I

want to be the parent who hears who sweet and god their child is...after all...I

work so darn hard at it.

>

> Anyway, I worry this is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I

especially feel this way about him with his son. I am so jealous and I know it

shows. His son was crying Fri because he did not make the principles honor

role...which means he didn't get straigh A's...he got 1 B+. He is good @ every

sport, which is annoying. My bf is VERY much in to sports and it makes me mad

he has the perfect child. I find myself think about all he did wrong with

bringing his son in to this world, yet he got the child he wanted (please do not

take that wrong...I was just as wrong but feel like this is my punishment).

>

> Sometimes I think this happens to me because this is my only child?? Maybe if

I had another NT child I could see that it isn't all my fault and that I am a

good parent. I could enjoy being a parent like my bf. I could have fun playing

with my child rather than always having to do some sort of therapy with him. We

could have things in common and I could have fun without always feeling like I

am yelling at him for something. And maybe I wouldn't always feel like I am

failing him for not loving him for who he is.....I love him so much!!

> .

>

[Guest guest]

Have the pity party but don't let it go on too long. Then get on with your life.

Try to find something that both your son and your bf's son will enjoy doing

together or as a family. Your bf's son could potentially be a friend and/or

future brother to your son.

Be sure to make time in your schedule to let your son just be a child and have

fun with him. My son had many medical issues and speech issues. At one point he

was seeing 4 different doctors along with speech therapy and occupational

therapy and this meant at least 4 appointments a week. I made sure that we had

some non-therapy or medical time each day. Many days it was just reading a book

together. On the weekends we tried to do something as a family whether it was a

hike in the woods or going to a local children's museum or zoo.

There are days when I get mad and I ask " why my son? " It seems like if it's not

one thing then it's another for him. He's had over 10 surgeries, physical

therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy, vision therapy, Adapted PE,

private counseling and now AS. But then sometimes I realize how lucky we are

because we are able to get my son the help he needs. I still wish it would be

easier for him sometimes.

Jealousy is hard to deal with sometimes. When my son's speech was virtually non

existent I would hear other parents say how well their child's speech was

progressing. It was difficult not to be jealous because we were working so hard

on speech and there was little or no progress for a couple of years. But it

finally came. It took 5 long years of speech therapy before I was finally able

to say my son's speech issues were resolved. I was always grateful for those

parents on the speech listserv that belonged to for their advice and guidance

thru those dark days. I'm grateful to the parents on this listserv as well

because it helps to chat with others who understand what we're going thru.

Caroline

> >

> > This has been sticking aroung for way too long! I find myself jealous and

annoyed with people who have " normal " kids. I am annoyed with everyone having

perfect little babies and getting pregnant lately. I am mad that everything for

me is always hard and I never get to enjoy things like everyone else. It

started back with me losing 3 pregnacies (2 in the second trimester), so

pregnancy was not fun for me. Than I had a difficult toddler and now an awkward

9 year old. I am sad he doesn't plan like other 9 year old boys, yet I know I

should be proud of the things he does accomplish. I feel bad for not accepting

him the way he is and for not being thankful for the child I have to loe (when

some people never get to have children). I feel like a failure for not being

able to have babies easy or for not having a " perfect " child. I am jealous of

parents who have easy children. Those who strive for straight A's, want to play

sports and don't get judged for being different bacause they try to fit in. I

want to be the parent who hears who sweet and god their child is...after all...I

work so darn hard at it.

> >

> > Anyway, I worry this is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I

especially feel this way about him with his son. I am so jealous and I know it

shows. His son was crying Fri because he did not make the principles honor

role...which means he didn't get straigh A's...he got 1 B+. He is good @ every

sport, which is annoying. My bf is VERY much in to sports and it makes me mad

he has the perfect child. I find myself think about all he did wrong with

bringing his son in to this world, yet he got the child he wanted (please do not

take that wrong...I was just as wrong but feel like this is my punishment).

> >

> > Sometimes I think this happens to me because this is my only child?? Maybe

if I had another NT child I could see that it isn't all my fault and that I am a

good parent. I could enjoy being a parent like my bf. I could have fun playing

with my child rather than always having to do some sort of therapy with him. We

could have things in common and I could have fun without always feeling like I

am yelling at him for something. And maybe I wouldn't always feel like I am

failing him for not loving him for who he is.....I love him so much!!

> > .

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi , I just read your message and kind of know how you feel, it is so distressing when one child has everything and the other struggles just being who they are. I have 2 sons one 12yrs old who has always been confident, wanted to do all school activities, exeptionally bright, is in classes for gifted and talented pupils, at parents evenings I will swell with pride at my son who excels in all he does,and has a bunch of really good friends- then I have my 9yr old son, who has been recently diagnosed with aspergers syndrome, after years of wondering why he is the way he is, struggles with reading, writing and numeracy due to dyslexia, has no real friends, refuses to join in or out of school groups, hats and distresses over a change in routine- locked himself in th bathroom last year on his

birthday because we were taking him to a theme park for the day, he begged not to go, we took him (by force) and he loved it! Life is such a struggle, My eldest Son does not have the same Dad as my youngest, And I wonder how my partner (youngest Sons Dad) feels, his step Son is brill at everything, and his Son is the way he is. It is so difficult, but I console myself by thinking every child has qualities that another child doesnt have, and whilst my youngest is so very different to my oldest he is so adorable, even though he is hard work some of the time, basic things are a massive ordeal and always have been, I except that this is the way it is. It is easy to be resentful of others, My partner has a daughter, and Ihave thought, he must prefer her to our Son, I don't think that is true, but on a bad day Ibeat myself up about these things, but your Son loves and needs you more than anybody in the world, as a Mum we cop the brunt of all the crap that

goes with our kids, and we are expected to paint the smile on and carry on, its hard, its tough and its bloody unfair! But we do it because we Love our kids, regardless of who/what they are, they need us like we need them. I try not to compare my Son with his siblings, it would be unfair to do so, he is unique, special and hes mine.Keep smiling, be proud of who you and your Son are, Your BF'S son will have his faults, even if you don't see them. good luck and don't be so hard on yourself, you sound like your doing a great job.- From: cmt263 <gina9431@...> Sent: Mon, February 14, 2011 4:27:38 PMSubject: ( ) Feeling Mad and Having A Pity Party For Myself

This has been sticking aroung for way too long! I find myself jealous and annoyed with people who have "normal" kids. I am annoyed with everyone having perfect little babies and getting pregnant lately. I am mad that everything for me is always hard and I never get to enjoy things like everyone else. It started back with me losing 3 pregnacies (2 in the second trimester), so pregnancy was not fun for me. Than I had a difficult toddler and now an awkward 9 year old. I am sad he doesn't plan like other 9 year old boys, yet I know I should be proud of the things he does accomplish. I feel bad for not accepting him the way he is and for not being thankful for the child I have to loe (when some people never get to have children). I feel like a failure for not being able to have babies easy or for not having a "perfect" child. I am jealous of parents who have easy children. Those who strive for straight A's, want to play sports and don't get

judged for being different bacause they try to fit in. I want to be the parent who hears who sweet and god their child is...after all...I work so darn hard at it.

Anyway, I worry this is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I especially feel this way about him with his son. I am so jealous and I know it shows. His son was crying Fri because he did not make the principles honor role...which means he didn't get straigh A's...he got 1 B+. He is good @ every sport, which is annoying. My bf is VERY much in to sports and it makes me mad he has the perfect child. I find myself think about all he did wrong with bringing his son in to this world, yet he got the child he wanted (please do not take that wrong...I was just as wrong but feel like this is my punishment).

Sometimes I think this happens to me because this is my only child?? Maybe if I had another NT child I could see that it isn't all my fault and that I am a good parent. I could enjoy being a parent like my bf. I could have fun playing with my child rather than always having to do some sort of therapy with him. We could have things in common and I could have fun without always feeling like I am yelling at him for something. And maybe I wouldn't always feel like I am failing him for not loving him for who he is.....I love him so much!!

..

Don't get soaked. Take a quick peak at the forecast with the Search weather shortcut.

[Guest guest]

I was chatting with another Mom with an AS child who said that she used to feel

jealous of the families with the normal kids and how easy they had it when her

daughter was in grade school.

And then she started taking a close look at what happened to those families as

their perfect kids got older. She realized that no one in this life is exempt

from bad times. We all have to suffer one way or another. As her daughter got

older, she started to blossom in her late teens and was making steady progress.

The kids who seemed to have it so easy when they were small, all ran into bad

times eventually - drugs, teen pregnancy, health problems, family feuds, and so

on. Hope this perspective helps.

[Guest guest]

Thanks you so much for your response. It is so nice to have others who get howI

feel. I often know my feelings are unreasonable, but sometimes I just need to

feel them:). I often feel sorry for BF's sone because he is so hard on himself.

Sometimes I think the more we do the more others expect and when you are

" perfect " the bar is really high. It takes so little for me to be proud of my

son...but BF's son has to work so hard. I know too that there will come a point

when he rebels and all this pressure comes to a head and I hate that I think

that way. I am slightly happy when BF's son does something wrong....so sad, I

know.

I worry about having a child some day with my BF. What if this child also has

AS? I assume his daught is NT? I find it interesting and hopeful that I could

have a NT child some day. It scares me it is genetic on my side....

>Ic on

> Hi , I just read your message and kind of know how you feel, it is so

> distressing when one child has everything and the other struggles just being

who

> they are. I have 2 sons one 12yrs old who has always been confident, wanted to

> do all school activities, exeptionally bright, is in classes for gifted and

> talented pupils, at parents evenings I will swell with pride at my son who

> excels in all he does,and has a bunch of really good friends- then I have my

9yr

> old son, who has been recently diagnosed with aspergers syndrome, after years

of

> wondering why he is the way he is, struggles with reading, writing and

numeracy

> due to dyslexia, has no real friends, refuses to join in or out of school

> groups, hats and distresses over a change in routine- locked himself in th

> bathroom last year on his birthday because we were taking him to a theme park

> for the day, he begged not to go, we took him (by force) and he loved it! Life

> is such a struggle, My eldest Son does not have the same Dad as my youngest,

And

> I wonder how my partner (youngest Sons Dad) feels, his step Son is brill at

> everything, and his Son is the way he is. It is so difficult, but I console

> myself by thinking every child has qualities that another child doesnt have,

and

> whilst my youngest is so very different to my oldest he is so adorable, even

> though he is hard work some of the time, basic things are a massive ordeal and

> always have been, I except that this is the way it is. It is easy to be

> resentful of others, My partner has a daughter, and Ihave thought, he must

> prefer her to our Son, I don't think that is true, but on a bad day Ibeat

myself

> up about these things, but your Son loves and needs you more than anybody in

the

> world, as a Mum we cop the brunt of all the crap that goes with our kids, and

we

> are expected to paint the smile on and carry on, its hard, its tough and its

> bloody unfair! But we do it because we Love our kids, regardless of who/what

> they are, they need us like we need them. I try not to compare my Son with his

> siblings, it would be unfair to do so, he is unique, special and hes mine.Keep

> smiling, be proud of who you and your Son are, Your BF'S son will have his

> faults, even if you don't see them. good luck and don't be so hard on

yourself,

> you sound like your doing a great job.-

>

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: cmt263 <gina9431@...>

>

> Sent: Mon, February 14, 2011 4:27:38 PM

> Subject: ( ) Feeling Mad and Having A Pity Party For Myself

>

>

> This has been sticking aroung for way too long! I find myself jealous and

> annoyed with people who have " normal " kids. I am annoyed with everyone having

> perfect little babies and getting pregnant lately. I am mad that everything

for

> me is always hard and I never get to enjoy things like everyone else. It

> started back with me losing 3 pregnacies (2 in the second trimester), so

> pregnancy was not fun for me. Than I had a difficult toddler and now an

awkward

> 9 year old. I am sad he doesn't plan like other 9 year old boys, yet I know I

> should be proud of the things he does accomplish. I feel bad for not

accepting

> him the way he is and for not being thankful for the child I have to loe (when

> some people never get to have children). I feel like a failure for not being

> able to have babies easy or for not having a " perfect " child. I am jealous of

> parents who have easy children. Those who strive for straight A's, want to

play

> sports and don't get judged for being different bacause they try to fit in. I

> want to be the parent who hears who sweet and god their child is...after

all...I

> work so darn hard at it.

>

> Anyway, I worry this is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I

> especially feel this way about him with his son. I am so jealous and I know

it

> shows. His son was crying Fri because he did not make the principles honor

> role...which means he didn't get straigh A's...he got 1 B+. He is good @ every

> sport, which is annoying. My bf is VERY much in to sports and it makes me mad

> he has the perfect child. I find myself think about all he did wrong with

> bringing his son in to this world, yet he got the child he wanted (please do

not

> take that wrong...I was just as wrong but feel like this is my punishment).

>

> Sometimes I think this happens to me because this is my only child?? Maybe if

I

> had another NT child I could see that it isn't all my fault and that I am a

good

> parent. I could enjoy being a parent like my bf. I could have fun playing

with

> my child rather than always having to do some sort of therapy with him. We

> could have things in common and I could have fun without always feeling like I

> am yelling at him for something. And maybe I wouldn't always feel like I am

> failing him for not loving him for who he is.....I love him so much!!

> .

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

> Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection.

> Try the free Beta.

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>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I'm sorry you're feeling so down......and I really don't have much to say aside from the fact that I hope you feel better.

Nothing is going to change your son. You know that. But, maybe you can talk to someone? I know that for many in this group, meds really help them.

It is tiring and depressing sometimes to see the incredible differences between our kids and a NT one. But,,,,,,most NT kids aren't into sports or even on the honor roll. And, in all honesty, I am sad that you have such jealousy for/at your bf and the child he has.

I'm sad because you don't deserve to feel so badly, THEY don't deserve to be judged like that......and your son deserves to be loved and adored. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you don't love him. I know you do. You are saying all the things most of us have felt or do feel.

It's just sad. But, it's your life. It's our life.

SO.....like I said, maybe you have to make a decision to get some help for yourself. You are needed for your son and you've got to be healthy for him.

Also, maybe you need to re-evaluate your relationship. If you feel such sadness/anger/jealousy,,,,,it's going to be obvious to them some day. It would be horrible for your son to know about it, ya know?

I'm so sorry your'e feeling so horrible.

Oh - and I saw where you mentioned that maybe if you had another child, you'd be able to NOT feel that it was your fault. Speaking as a mom of more than 1 kid, this aspergers/autism CRAP is hereditary. he he. SO........the chances of you getting a NT kid with no other issues would be highly unlikely.

I said the above as sort of a joke. I hope you all took it as a joke. I wasn't making fun of you not having other children. That is a sadness I cannot feel.........I just wanted to add a bit of "depressing heredity" humor.

Hugs to you.

Robin

"I'm singing....

I'm in a store and I'm singing..........

I'm in a store....

and I'm singing..............."

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...>Subject: ( ) Feeling Mad and Having A Pity Party For Myself Date: Monday, February 14, 2011, 10:27 AM

This has been sticking aroung for way too long! I find myself jealous and annoyed with people who have "normal" kids. I am annoyed with everyone having perfect little babies and getting pregnant lately. I am mad that everything for me is always hard and I never get to enjoy things like everyone else. It started back with me losing 3 pregnacies (2 in the second trimester), so pregnancy was not fun for me. Than I had a difficult toddler and now an awkward 9 year old. I am sad he doesn't plan like other 9 year old boys, yet I know I should be proud of the things he does accomplish. I feel bad for not accepting him the way he is and for not being thankful for the child I have to loe (when some people never get to have children). I feel like a failure for not being able to have babies easy or for not having a "perfect" child. I am jealous of parents who have easy children. Those who strive for straight A's, want to play sports and don't get judged for

being different bacause they try to fit in. I want to be the parent who hears who sweet and god their child is...after all...I work so darn hard at it.Anyway, I worry this is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I especially feel this way about him with his son. I am so jealous and I know it shows. His son was crying Fri because he did not make the principles honor role...which means he didn't get straigh A's...he got 1 B+. He is good @ every sport, which is annoying. My bf is VERY much in to sports and it makes me mad he has the perfect child. I find myself think about all he did wrong with bringing his son in to this world, yet he got the child he wanted (please do not take that wrong...I was just as wrong but feel like this is my punishment).Sometimes I think this happens to me because this is my only child?? Maybe if I had another NT child I could see that it isn't all my fault and that I am a good parent. I could enjoy being

a parent like my bf. I could have fun playing with my child rather than always having to do some sort of therapy with him. We could have things in common and I could have fun without always feeling like I am yelling at him for something. And maybe I wouldn't always feel like I am failing him for not loving him for who he is.....I love him so much!!.

[Guest guest]

I used to feel this way.  It goes with the territory.  Around 9 and 10 it was AWFUL and once he kind of grew into himself (i.e. we all adjusted and gave up with the whole NT plan) it got a lot better.  Once I accepted that he was going to be on meds, lots of meds, and realized that despite my best efforts at trying to taper them, any of them, slowly, it wasn't going to happen any time soon.  I realized I needed to go up on my antidepressant and not try to lower it either.  Then, everything fell into place slowly over time.  Now I can enjoy him fully, not feel envy that much for others, and laugh and enjoy each day with acceptance.   I used to HATE normal people.  Now I can tolerate them and not feel bad. 

At least that is my mood for today! 

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...>

Subject: ( ) Feeling Mad and Having A Pity Party For Myself Date: Monday, February 14, 2011, 10:27 AM

 

This has been sticking aroung for way too long! I find myself jealous and annoyed with people who have " normal " kids. I am annoyed with everyone having perfect little babies and getting pregnant lately. I am mad that everything for me is always hard and I never get to enjoy things like everyone else. It started back with me losing 3 pregnacies (2 in the second trimester), so pregnancy was not fun for me. Than I had a difficult toddler and now an awkward 9 year old. I am sad he doesn't plan like other 9 year old boys, yet I know I should be proud of the things he does accomplish. I feel bad for not accepting him the way he is and for not being thankful for the child I have to loe (when some people never get to have children). I feel like a failure for not being able to have babies easy or for not having a " perfect " child. I am jealous of parents who have easy children. Those who strive for straight A's, want to play sports and don't get judged for

being different bacause they try to fit in. I want to be the parent who hears who sweet and god their child is...after all...I work so darn hard at it.Anyway, I worry this is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I especially feel this way about him with his son. I am so jealous and I know it shows. His son was crying Fri because he did not make the principles honor role...which means he didn't get straigh A's...he got 1 B+. He is good @ every sport, which is annoying. My bf is VERY much in to sports and it makes me mad he has the perfect child. I find myself think about all he did wrong with bringing his son in to this world, yet he got the child he wanted (please do not take that wrong...I was just as wrong but feel like this is my punishment).

Sometimes I think this happens to me because this is my only child?? Maybe if I had another NT child I could see that it isn't all my fault and that I am a good parent. I could enjoy being

a parent like my bf. I could have fun playing with my child rather than always having to do some sort of therapy with him. We could have things in common and I could have fun without always feeling like I am yelling at him for something. And maybe I wouldn't always feel like I am failing him for not loving him for who he is.....I love him so much!!

..

[Guest guest]

Great post, .

Robin

"I'm singing....

I'm in a store and I'm singing..........

I'm in a store....

and I'm singing..............."

From: <tamaoki_s@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Feeling Mad and Having A Pity Party For Myself Date: Monday, February 14, 2011, 5:55 PM

I was chatting with another Mom with an AS child who said that she used to feel jealous of the families with the normal kids and how easy they had it when her daughter was in grade school. And then she started taking a close look at what happened to those families as their perfect kids got older. She realized that no one in this life is exempt from bad times. We all have to suffer one way or another. As her daughter got older, she started to blossom in her late teens and was making steady progress. The kids who seemed to have it so easy when they were small, all ran into bad times eventually - drugs, teen pregnancy, health problems, family feuds, and so on. Hope this perspective helps.

Sucker-punch spam with award-winning protection. Try the free Beta.

[Guest guest]

Yes, you are right, all children have problems in their lifes, teen pregnancy (not all), health, drugs exposure, but our children start the path of life with a disadvantage, and some of them they never overcome their problems, and in top of that they have to deal with the "normal" problems that life presents you. Sorry I can see a normal child's life as any consolation, to the injustice that life is presenting to my son, I know we all struggle in this life even the people that seem to have it all, BUT I KNOW my son's struggle will be harder. Sorry that is also the way I feel, I just do not feel jealous because I think that NT kids have been blessed, and I am happy for them, you cannot compare what is given to you in life with somebody else, you would never

win. You would always be miserable. We just have to accept and embrace my son, but I would never think that life is hard for everybody therefore there is no difference.From: <tamaoki_s@...>To:

Sent: Mon, February 14, 2011 6:55:59 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Feeling Mad and Having A Pity Party For Myself

I was chatting with another Mom with an AS child who said that she used to feel jealous of the families with the normal kids and how easy they had it when her daughter was in grade school.

And then she started taking a close look at what happened to those families as their perfect kids got older. She realized that no one in this life is exempt from bad times. We all have to suffer one way or another. As her daughter got older, she started to blossom in her late teens and was making steady progress. The kids who seemed to have it so easy when they were small, all ran into bad times eventually - drugs, teen pregnancy, health problems, family feuds, and so on. Hope this perspective helps.

Don't get soaked. Take a quick peek at the forecast with the Search weather shortcut.

[Guest guest]

Glad to know it may just be the age, since my son is 9. I do ok for the most

part, but it just piles up after awhile. I am hoping it will even out as he

gets older and we all just settle in.

You made a good point about giving up on the NT thing....this is something I

struggle with. When he is doing good, I find myself thinking he could outgrow

this, lol. I actually had my therapist tell me he thought my son would lose his

diagnosis be the time he is 18. I think maybe that was false hope and after

years of seeing this therapist for other things, I realized he is not one to

talk to about my situation with my son. I think it takes a special therapist to

really get that!

Thanks so much for your encouragement!

>

> I used to feel this way. It goes with the territory. Around 9 and 10 it

> was AWFUL and once he kind of grew into himself (i.e. we all adjusted and

> gave up with the whole NT plan) it got a lot better. Once I accepted that

> he was going to be on meds, lots of meds, and realized that despite my best

> efforts at trying to taper them, any of them, slowly, it wasn't going to

> happen any time soon. I realized I needed to go up on my antidepressant and

> not try to lower it either. Then, everything fell into place slowly over

> time. Now I can enjoy him fully, not feel envy that much for others, and

> laugh and enjoy each day with acceptance. I used to HATE normal people.

> Now I can tolerate them and not feel bad.

>

> At least that is my mood for today!

>

>

> From: cmt263 <gina9431@...>

> > Subject: ( ) Feeling Mad and Having A Pity Party For Myself

> >

> > Date: Monday, February 14, 2011, 10:27 AM

> >

> >

> > This has been sticking aroung for way too long! I find myself jealous and

> > annoyed with people who have " normal " kids. I am annoyed with everyone

> > having perfect little babies and getting pregnant lately. I am mad that

> > everything for me is always hard and I never get to enjoy things like

> > everyone else. It started back with me losing 3 pregnacies (2 in the second

> > trimester), so pregnancy was not fun for me. Than I had a difficult toddler

> > and now an awkward 9 year old. I am sad he doesn't plan like other 9 year

> > old boys, yet I know I should be proud of the things he does accomplish. I

> > feel bad for not accepting him the way he is and for not being thankful for

> > the child I have to loe (when some people never get to have children). I

> > feel like a failure for not being able to have babies easy or for not having

> > a " perfect " child. I am jealous of parents who have easy children. Those who

> > strive for straight A's, want to play sports and don't get judged for being

> > different bacause they try to fit in. I want to be the parent who hears who

> > sweet and god their child is...after all...I work so darn hard at it.

> >

> > Anyway, I worry this is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I

> > especially feel this way about him with his son. I am so jealous and I know

> > it shows. His son was crying Fri because he did not make the principles

> > honor role...which means he didn't get straigh A's...he got 1 B+. He is good

> > @ every sport, which is annoying. My bf is VERY much in to sports and it

> > makes me mad he has the perfect child. I find myself think about all he did

> > wrong with bringing his son in to this world, yet he got the child he wanted

> > (please do not take that wrong...I was just as wrong but feel like this is

> > my punishment).

> >

> > Sometimes I think this happens to me because this is my only child?? Maybe

> > if I had another NT child I could see that it isn't all my fault and that I

> > am a good parent. I could enjoy being a parent like my bf. I could have fun

> > playing with my child rather than always having to do some sort of therapy

> > with him. We could have things in common and I could have fun without always

> > feeling like I am yelling at him for something. And maybe I wouldn't always

> > feel like I am failing him for not loving him for who he is.....I love him

> > so much!!

> > .

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I don't think my son will "lose" his diagnosis by the time he's 18 but I think if he continues his improvements, he could by the time he's in his 20s. He might just have some quirks at that point. It's really hard to say. His cognitive rigidity will always be a struggle, but he pushes past it sometimes so there is hope.

Someone else said this about having an AS vs. NT child. Let me tell you - there are pros and cons to both. My 14-yr-old AS son doesn't have friends in our neighborhood so when he's here, he usually doesn't leave the house. My 9-yr-old NT daughter has multiple friends, on every block, within our entire neighborhood and I'm always nervous about where she is, who she's with, if she made it to her friend's house yet, am I being too protective, not being protective enough, etc...

I hung out with a friend and her 3 sons over the summer in other state for our summer vacation and her oldest son was 13. This boy is one of the coolest teens I've ever met. We hung out over the summer and I just thought "wow, I wonder what it would be like to have a son that helped me around the house without me asking, loved sports, had friends, girlfriends, did "normal" teen stuff." He'd come hang out with me and we would talk about this and that and I just thought he was great. Well, my friend just figured out that he is having sex! She figured it out when she read his text messages after he didn't come home when he was supposed to. OMG. I can't imagine how you deal with that! Wow! That is so far out of the realm of what I'm having to deal with at this point. Puts things into perspective for me.

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...> Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 8:25:55 AMSubject: ( ) Re: Feeling Mad and Having A Pity Party For Myself

Glad to know it may just be the age, since my son is 9. I do ok for the most part, but it just piles up after awhile. I am hoping it will even out as he gets older and we all just settle in.You made a good point about giving up on the NT thing....this is something I struggle with. When he is doing good, I find myself thinking he could outgrow this, lol. I actually had my therapist tell me he thought my son would lose his diagnosis be the time he is 18. I think maybe that was false hope and after years of seeing this therapist for other things, I realized he is not one to talk to about my situation with my son. I think it takes a special therapist to really get that! Thanks so much for your encouragement!>> I

used to feel this way. It goes with the territory. Around 9 and 10 it> was AWFUL and once he kind of grew into himself (i.e. we all adjusted and> gave up with the whole NT plan) it got a lot better. Once I accepted that> he was going to be on meds, lots of meds, and realized that despite my best> efforts at trying to taper them, any of them, slowly, it wasn't going to> happen any time soon. I realized I needed to go up on my antidepressant and> not try to lower it either. Then, everything fell into place slowly over> time. Now I can enjoy him fully, not feel envy that much for others, and> laugh and enjoy each day with acceptance. I used to HATE normal people.> Now I can tolerate them and not feel bad. > > At least that is my mood for today! > > > From: cmt263 <gina9431@...>> > Subject: ( ) Feeling Mad and Having A Pity

Party For Myself> > > > Date: Monday, February 14, 2011, 10:27 AM> >> >> > This has been sticking aroung for way too long! I find myself jealous and> > annoyed with people who have "normal" kids. I am annoyed with everyone> > having perfect little babies and getting pregnant lately. I am mad that> > everything for me is always hard and I never get to enjoy things like> > everyone else. It started back with me losing 3 pregnacies (2 in the second> > trimester), so pregnancy was not fun for me. Than I had a difficult toddler> > and now an awkward 9 year old. I am sad he doesn't plan like other 9 year> > old boys, yet I know I should be proud of the things he does

accomplish. I> > feel bad for not accepting him the way he is and for not being thankful for> > the child I have to loe (when some people never get to have children). I> > feel like a failure for not being able to have babies easy or for not having> > a "perfect" child. I am jealous of parents who have easy children. Those who> > strive for straight A's, want to play sports and don't get judged for being> > different bacause they try to fit in. I want to be the parent who hears who> > sweet and god their child is...after all...I work so darn hard at it.> >> > Anyway, I worry this is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I> > especially feel this way about him with his son. I am so jealous and I know> > it shows. His son was crying Fri because he did not make the principles> > honor role...which means he didn't get straigh

A's...he got 1 B+. He is good> > @ every sport, which is annoying. My bf is VERY much in to sports and it> > makes me mad he has the perfect child. I find myself think about all he did> > wrong with bringing his son in to this world, yet he got the child he wanted> > (please do not take that wrong...I was just as wrong but feel like this is> > my punishment).> >> > Sometimes I think this happens to me because this is my only child?? Maybe> > if I had another NT child I could see that it isn't all my fault and that I> > am a good parent. I could enjoy being a parent like my bf. I could have fun> > playing with my child rather than always having to do some sort of therapy> > with him. We could have things in common and I could have fun without always> > feeling like I am yelling at him for something. And maybe I wouldn't always>

> feel like I am failing him for not loving him for who he is.....I love him> > so much!!> > .> >> >> > > >>

[Guest guest]

My whole family (except my sisters) always has nasty little comments to make

towards me about all the meds my son takes. They also comment on the ridgid bed

time routine I set up for him and they have quite a bit to say about his therapy

sessions.

>

> I used to feel this way. It goes with the territory. Around 9 and 10 it

> was AWFUL and once he kind of grew into himself (i.e. we all adjusted and

> gave up with the whole NT plan) it got a lot better. Once I accepted that

> he was going to be on meds, lots of meds, and realized that despite my best

> efforts at trying to taper them, any of them, slowly, it wasn't going to

> happen any time soon. I realized I needed to go up on my antidepressant and

> not try to lower it either. Then, everything fell into place slowly over

> time. Now I can enjoy him fully, not feel envy that much for others, and

> laugh and enjoy each day with acceptance. I used to HATE normal people.

> Now I can tolerate them and not feel bad.

>

> At least that is my mood for today!

>

>

> From: cmt263 <gina9431@...>

> > Subject: ( ) Feeling Mad and Having A Pity Party For Myself

> >

> > Date: Monday, February 14, 2011, 10:27 AM

> >

> >

> > This has been sticking aroung for way too long! I find myself jealous and

> > annoyed with people who have " normal " kids. I am annoyed with everyone

> > having perfect little babies and getting pregnant lately. I am mad that

> > everything for me is always hard and I never get to enjoy things like

> > everyone else. It started back with me losing 3 pregnacies (2 in the second

> > trimester), so pregnancy was not fun for me. Than I had a difficult toddler

> > and now an awkward 9 year old. I am sad he doesn't plan like other 9 year

> > old boys, yet I know I should be proud of the things he does accomplish. I

> > feel bad for not accepting him the way he is and for not being thankful for

> > the child I have to loe (when some people never get to have children). I

> > feel like a failure for not being able to have babies easy or for not having

> > a " perfect " child. I am jealous of parents who have easy children. Those who

> > strive for straight A's, want to play sports and don't get judged for being

> > different bacause they try to fit in. I want to be the parent who hears who

> > sweet and god their child is...after all...I work so darn hard at it.

> >

> > Anyway, I worry this is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I

> > especially feel this way about him with his son. I am so jealous and I know

> > it shows. His son was crying Fri because he did not make the principles

> > honor role...which means he didn't get straigh A's...he got 1 B+. He is good

> > @ every sport, which is annoying. My bf is VERY much in to sports and it

> > makes me mad he has the perfect child. I find myself think about all he did

> > wrong with bringing his son in to this world, yet he got the child he wanted

> > (please do not take that wrong...I was just as wrong but feel like this is

> > my punishment).

> >

> > Sometimes I think this happens to me because this is my only child?? Maybe

> > if I had another NT child I could see that it isn't all my fault and that I

> > am a good parent. I could enjoy being a parent like my bf. I could have fun

> > playing with my child rather than always having to do some sort of therapy

> > with him. We could have things in common and I could have fun without always

> > feeling like I am yelling at him for something. And maybe I wouldn't always

> > feel like I am failing him for not loving him for who he is.....I love him

> > so much!!

> > .

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I still can't tolerate them. lol....

Roxanna

“Our lives begin to end the day we

become silent about things that matter.†- Luther King, Jr.

( ) Feeling Mad and Having A Pity Party For Myself

Date: Monday, February 14, 2011, 10:27 AM

This has been sticking aroung for way too long! I find myself jealous and annoyed with people who have "normal" kids. I am annoyed with everyone having perfect little babies and getting pregnant lately. I am mad that everything for me is always hard and I never get to enjoy things like everyone else. It started back with me losing 3 pregnacies (2 in the second trimester), so pregnancy was not fun for me. Than I had a difficult toddler and now an awkward 9 year old. I am sad he doesn't plan like other 9 year old boys, yet I know I should be proud of the things he does accomplish. I feel bad for not accepting him the way he is and for not being thankful for the child I have to loe (when some people never get to have children). I feel like a failure for not being able to have babies easy or for not having a "perfect" child. I am jealous of parents who have easy children. Those who strive for straight A's, want to play sports and don't get judged for

being different bacause they try to fit in. I want to be the parent who hears who sweet and god their child is...after all...I work so darn hard at it.

Anyway, I worry this is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend. I especially feel this way about him with his son. I am so jealous and I know it shows. His son was crying Fri because he did not make the principles honor role...which means he didn't get straigh A's...he got 1 B+. He is good @ every sport, which is annoying. My bf is VERY much in to sports and it makes me mad he has the perfect child. I find myself think about all he did wrong with bringing his son in to this world, yet he got the child he wanted (please do not take that wrong...I was just as wrong but feel like this is my punishment).

Sometimes I think this happens to me because this is my only child?? Maybe if I had another NT child I could see that it isn't all my fault and that I am a good parent. I could enjoy being

a parent like my bf. I could have fun playing with my child rather than always having to do some sort of therapy with him. We could have things in common and I could have fun without always feeling like I am yelling at him for something. And maybe I wouldn't always feel like I am failing him for not loving him for who he is.....I love him so much!!

..