Re: a question about empathy

March 25, 2010

Hi, is this particular son gifted? I have seen this in a friend's son who has

autism and an IQ in the 160's.

>

> Hello all. I have just recently joined this group. I have two children with

the diagnosis of high functioning autism. My third child is exhibiting signs as

well. He is 3 and has not been diagnosed as I have been quite overwhelmed with

my other two. I know that sounds really terrible but I am so overwhelmed. I am

trying to home school all. Anyway, yesterday we spent the morning at Children's

hospital seeing a neurologist. I have felt that my children probably have

aspergers because they seem to meet the criteria so clearly. However, I am

thinking my son may not because of one thing. He has never been one to watch

much television as he would much prefer to scotch tape things and create pulley

systems with string. However, on the rare occasion he bothers to watch TV I have

to be VERY VERY careful that no one is getting hurt or mistreated. As you know,

most movies for children have some type of " villan " . (I am talking G movies

only) Anyway, this limits our selection considerably. Recently, I allowed him to

watch " Otis and Milo " as I heard it was quite benign. When the puppy and cat

were stranded in the box floating down the stream he became quite distressed. I

had to turn it off. This is the case for almost all movies because he cant stand

for someone to be hurt. He is also quite worried about the homeless. He has

asked more than once if we could take food and money to the day laborers. I know

that aspi's can feel and can feel deeply. But,is all of this not empathy?

Yesterday I asked the doctor about this and she dismissed it and said " probably

just another obsession " . I was wondering what you all think? Do any of you have

children who worry excessively about the feelings and problems of others? It

seems to me to fly in the face of the diagnosis. However, as I said this is all

very new to me and maybe I am just not getting it. He has an uncanny ability to

know when I am sad despite me trying to hide it. Yesterday in the car he stared

at me in the rear view mirror so intently after our doctor's appointment. I

think he knew my heart was heavy. I would appreciate any thoughts you have.

> Thank you,

>

March 25, 2010

I to am very new to this, my 7 year old son has just been diagnosed with A S and he to has excess worry therepist says it is anxiety which is common, mine is worried about his brothers and family, he said I worry my brother will not be here he will be taken or hurt and he can watch Tv he rally loves stuff like sesame street and dora and wonder pets and little stuff like that, does loudness or things like that bother yours, like is he sound sensative, and a web site I found helpful, is AutisumSpeaks.org, and on youtube in search eng, put Aspergers syndrome, and so many videos and conferences from dr on there to help and join facebook groups for parents with Aspergers children, hope this helped, stay strong as we all strugle but really all we can do is love them and support our special Angels.

March 25, 2010

Well, kids with AS are known to worry and have excessive anxiety. And maybe the homeless are the area where your son is focusing his anxiety right now. So this doesn't mean he can't have AS. I have heard and read things about a lack of empathy in these kids, but I don't see that in my own son. Yes, he is very self-focused, so he might not notice what someone else is doing or feeling. But if he does see that I am upset, he is sad too.

If your son gets anxious when watching certain TV shows or movies, it's just saying that he can't process those feelings. It may be related to AS, it may not. You will see that everyone's experience with AS is different. There is no textbook checklist that all of our kids fit, and even professionals will disagree about the criteria for diagnosis. But it's still helpful to have the diagnosis to narrow down the areas where your child needs support.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: <jnbass97@...>Subject: ( ) a question about empathy Date: Wednesday, March 24, 2010, 6:57 PM

Hello all. I have just recently joined this group. I have two children with the diagnosis of high functioning autism. My third child is exhibiting signs as well. He is 3 and has not been diagnosed as I have been quite overwhelmed with my other two. I know that sounds really terrible but I am so overwhelmed. I am trying to home school all. Anyway, yesterday we spent the morning at Children's hospital seeing a neurologist. I have felt that my children probably have aspergers because they seem to meet the criteria so clearly. However, I am thinking my son may not because of one thing. He has never been one to watch much television as he would much prefer to scotch tape things and create pulley systems with string. However, on the rare occasion he bothers to watch TV I have to be VERY VERY careful that no one is getting hurt or mistreated. As you know, most movies for children have some type of "villan". (I am talking G movies only) Anyway, this limits

our selection considerably. Recently, I allowed him to watch "Otis and Milo" as I heard it was quite benign. When the puppy and cat were stranded in the box floating down the stream he became quite distressed. I had to turn it off. This is the case for almost all movies because he cant stand for someone to be hurt. He is also quite worried about the homeless. He has asked more than once if we could take food and money to the day laborers. I know that aspi's can feel and can feel deeply. But,is all of this not empathy? Yesterday I asked the doctor about this and she dismissed it and said "probably just another obsession". I was wondering what you all think? Do any of you have children who worry excessively about the feelings and problems of others? It seems to me to fly in the face of the diagnosis. However, as I said this is all very new to me and maybe I am just not getting it. He has an uncanny ability to know when I am sad despite me trying to hide

it. Yesterday in the car he stared at me in the rear view mirror so intently after our doctor's appointment. I think he knew my heart was heavy. I would appreciate any thoughts you have.Thank you,

March 25, 2010

Well, I can say that of my 3 sons - only one with AS - he was the first

(sometimes only) one to ask me if I was okay if I got hurt, etc. So that's

empathy.

>

> Hello all. I have just recently joined this group. I have two children with

the diagnosis of high functioning autism. My third child is exhibiting signs as

well. He is 3 and has not been diagnosed as I have been quite overwhelmed with

my other two. I know that sounds really terrible but I am so overwhelmed. I am

trying to home school all. Anyway, yesterday we spent the morning at Children's

March 25, 2010

The reason his diagnosis is just high functioning autism and not aspergers is they have not yet done any formal testing. The diagnosis was made based on history and observation. He does seem quite intelligent but, I have no idea what his IQ is. My sister's son is very aspi like and has a very over the top I.Q. He too is highly sensitive. Thank you for this information.

From: laura6307 <laura6307@...> Sent: Thu, March 25, 2010 7:24:43 AMSubject: ( ) Re: a question about empathy

Hi, is this particular son gifted? I have seen this in a friend's son who has autism and an IQ in the 160's.>> Hello all. I have just recently joined this group. I have two children with the diagnosis of high functioning autism. My third child is exhibiting signs as well. He is 3 and has not been diagnosed as I have been quite overwhelmed with my other two. I know that sounds really terrible but I am so overwhelmed. I am trying to home school all. Anyway, yesterday we spent the morning at Children's hospital seeing a neurologist. I have felt that my children probably have aspergers because they seem to meet the criteria so clearly. However, I am thinking my son may not because of one thing. He has never

been one to watch much television as he would much prefer to scotch tape things and create pulley systems with string. However, on the rare occasion he bothers to watch TV I have to be VERY VERY careful that no one is getting hurt or mistreated. As you know, most movies for children have some type of "villan". (I am talking G movies only) Anyway, this limits our selection considerably. Recently, I allowed him to watch "Otis and Milo" as I heard it was quite benign. When the puppy and cat were stranded in the box floating down the stream he became quite distressed. I had to turn it off. This is the case for almost all movies because he cant stand for someone to be hurt. He is also quite worried about the homeless. He has asked more than once if we could take food and money to the day laborers. I know that aspi's can feel and can feel deeply. But,is all of this not empathy? Yesterday I asked the doctor about this and she dismissed it and said "probably

just another obsession". I was wondering what you all think? Do any of you have children who worry excessively about the feelings and problems of others? It seems to me to fly in the face of the diagnosis. However, as I said this is all very new to me and maybe I am just not getting it. He has an uncanny ability to know when I am sad despite me trying to hide it. Yesterday in the car he stared at me in the rear view mirror so intently after our doctor's appointment. I think he knew my heart was heavy. I would appreciate any thoughts you have.> Thank you,> >

March 25, 2010

My son shows empathy to our family - he'll give me a hug if I'm upset, gives me

his blanket if I'm taking a nap, sticks up for his brother if I'm yelling at

him. I guess it's where he feels most comfortable, because he doesn't generally

take the perspective of outsiders, and doesn't show nearly as much empathy -

doesn't seem to get involved.

I think a lot of Aspies are very cut and dried, black and white, and rules

driven. So if your son sees someone being mistreated or homeless, and it

doesn't " fit " with how things are supposed to be, that dichotomy might be what

is bothering him. Also, I think Aspies are very sensitive creatures, and your

son feels injustice very deeply, so I'd say that's empathy! He can take the

perspective of someone else.

> >

> > Hello all. I have just recently joined this group. I have two children with

the diagnosis of high functioning autism. My third child is exhibiting signs as

well. He is 3 and has not been diagnosed as I have been quite overwhelmed with

my other two. I know that sounds really terrible but I am so overwhelmed. I am

trying to home school all. Anyway, yesterday we spent the morning at Children's

>

March 25, 2010

Caitlin shows to much empathy or empathy where its inappropriate. Its a hard thing to teach her, when to much empathy is to much. On Mar 25, 2010, at 7:47 AM, Laurel wrote:

My son shows empathy to our family - he'll give me a hug if I'm upset, gives me his blanket if I'm taking a nap, sticks up for his brother if I'm yelling at him. I guess it's where he feels most comfortable, because he doesn't generally take the perspective of outsiders, and doesn't show nearly as much empathy - doesn't seem to get involved.

I think a lot of Aspies are very cut and dried, black and white, and rules driven. So if your son sees someone being mistreated or homeless, and it doesn't "fit" with how things are supposed to be, that dichotomy might be what is bothering him. Also, I think Aspies are very sensitive creatures, and your son feels injustice very deeply, so I'd say that's empathy! He can take the perspective of someone else.

> >

> > Hello all. I have just recently joined this group. I have two children with the diagnosis of high functioning autism. My third child is exhibiting signs as well. He is 3 and has not been diagnosed as I have been quite overwhelmed with my other two. I know that sounds really terrible but I am so overwhelmed. I am trying to home school all. Anyway, yesterday we spent the morning at Children's

>

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

March 25, 2010

My aspie husband cries at sad movies and shows empathy

toward people he does not know. I found this sweet. However I

was confused to discover he would not acknowledge problems/sadness/illness in

those he knew well. how the brain make this distinction is a

mystery to me.

melody

March 25, 2010

My who I believe has Asperger's - we are just starting the process now- also

feels very deeply. She notices everything, and I do mean everything. I'm not

sure it's exactly empathy though. It's more like she takes on the feeling

herself and she feels the feeling very intensely. Then she'll do whatever she

can to not feel that way, but not necessarily do things to make the person whose

feeling it really is feel better unless she is given some ideas on how to do

that.

For example, I could be crying- tears running down my face very obviously crying

and she would look at me and say " Mom, why do I feel sad? " but not even mention

the fact that I am crying. She wouldn't ask " What's wrong? " or " Why are you

sad? " , she'd tell me that she is feeling sad and she doesn't know why. Or if

she sees someone being mean to someone else at school, she is very upset and

wants to know why people are so mean, but she almost sees it as if it has been

done to her, even when she is not at all involved. I have to walk her through

how the other person it actually happened to might be feeling and how she might

help the other person feel better. She can do it if I walk her through the

steps, but it doesn't occur to her on her own.

She has an uncanny attention to detail and I sometimes wonder if that carries

over to emotions. But instead of seeing that someone else is having an emotion

and trying to help or use that information to understand the other person's

actions she'll take the emotion on as her own.

I don't know if that helps. I guess my point is I think they can be aware of

emotions but not necessarily be able to empathize with them. And sometimes the

wanting to help others is motivated more as a way to ease their discomfort than

by a true understanding of how it helps others.