Guest guest Posted August 25, 2010 Report Share Posted August 25, 2010 Hi! This is my 1st post so pls forgive if not correct. We have a 20 year old son who in 4/10 was finally diagonsed with ADHD/Aspergers/Dependency disorder etc. WE have known since he was in 6th grade he had Autism but numerous Drs stated it was just teenage rebellion, even his school would not have him tested. In 2008 a Dr. started suspecting the real problem and he has tried most all ADHD/ Asperger medication. Unfortnately he has had significant side effects from meds. He is gifted and recently decided that canabis would cure his syptoms. He plans to use it in sm doses 3-4 x a day. We have asked him to move and do not think it is wise to buy him a car due to use etc. He also is verbally abusive. Does anyone know of a meet up support grp in Orange County , CA and does anyone have any ideas or suggetions? He does not respond to rewards or consequences so behavor mod does not work. Pls offer any advise , thx Mark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 26, 2010 Report Share Posted August 26, 2010 Asking him to move is a good idea. No parent should have to put up with verbal abuse. I keep telling my mouthy 10 year old he can move out the moment he turns 18, LOL. He gets a deer in the headlights look, but I'm serious - legally, I only owe him until he is 18 - after that, he becomes a tenant in my home that I can evict if he doesn't follow the house rules. I would give him a deadline to find his own place. I'm sure others will help you in regards to specific needs you have in CA. I live in OH. In OH I would contact the Board Of Mental Retardation And Developmental Disabilities. They already offer services for my 12 year old which we don't use at this time, but should he need help with housing, they would help me. Small doses of canabis would probably his anxiety. I wish I could legally use it here in OH, and am instead on a med prescribed by a doctor which I don't like and which I feel is unnatural. When I tried a med for my son, his behaviors actually got worse, so we quit it. Unless it is legal in CA, you obviously can't support this decision to use cannabis, though. I agree about not buying him a car, but I would not buy a car for a kid regardless so I'm a bit biased. I'm glad you finally got an accurate diagnosis! > > Hi! This is my 1st post so pls forgive if not correct. We have a 20 year old son > who in 4/10 was finally diagonsed with ADHD/Aspergers/Dependency disorder etc. > WE have known since he was in 6th grade he had Autism but numerous Drs stated it > was just teenage rebellion, even his school would not have him tested. In 2008 a > Dr. started suspecting the real problem and he has tried most all ADHD/ Asperger > medication. Unfortnately he has had significant side effects from meds. He is > gifted and recently decided that canabis would cure his syptoms. He plans to use > it in sm doses 3-4 x a day. We have asked him to move and do not think it is > wise to buy him a car due to use etc. He also is verbally abusive. Does anyone > know of a meet up support grp in Orange County , CA and does anyone have any > ideas or suggetions? He does not respond to rewards or consequences so behavor > mod does not work. Pls offer any advise , thx Mark > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 26, 2010 Report Share Posted August 26, 2010 : Thx for comments. He is almost unable to care for himself. Has phobias of going to store etc, and could not live on his own. He started college this week and is already having problems if he doesn't know someone in class. He was crying last night saying he was getting behind friends in school and wasting life etc. Hard to move him out when mental disorder causes him to act out.He does have RX for pot, that you can get from many drs for any minor condition. But actually he has been more organized and did clothes, cleaned room etc etc that he hadn't done in years. Sees mj allows him to focus on 1 task, but it is not long term solution.Thx for comments,Regards,Mark From: LL <laura6307@...> Sent: Thu, August 26, 2010 6:34:22 AMSubject: ( ) Re: new member pls help Asking him to move is a good idea. No parent should have to put up with verbal abuse. I keep telling my mouthy 10 year old he can move out the moment he turns 18, LOL. He gets a deer in the headlights look, but I'm serious - legally, I only owe him until he is 18 - after that, he becomes a tenant in my home that I can evict if he doesn't follow the house rules. I would give him a deadline to find his own place. I'm sure others will help you in regards to specific needs you have in CA. I live in OH. In OH I would contact the Board Of Mental Retardation And Developmental Disabilities. They already offer services for my 12 year old which we don't use at this time, but should he need help with housing, they would help me. Small doses of canabis would probably his anxiety. I wish I could legally use it here in OH, and am instead on a med prescribed by a doctor which I don't like and which I feel is unnatural. When I tried a med for my son, his behaviors actually got worse, so we quit it. Unless it is legal in CA, you obviously can't support this decision to use cannabis, though. I agree about not buying him a car, but I would not buy a car for a kid regardless so I'm a bit biased. I'm glad you finally got an accurate diagnosis! > > Hi! This is my 1st post so pls forgive if not correct. We have a 20 year old son > who in 4/10 was finally diagonsed with ADHD/Aspergers/Dependency disorder etc. > WE have known since he was in 6th grade he had Autism but numerous Drs stated it > was just teenage rebellion, even his school would not have him tested. In 2008 a > Dr. started suspecting the real problem and he has tried most all ADHD/ Asperger > medication. Unfortnately he has had significant side effects from meds. He is > gifted and recently decided that canabis would cure his syptoms. He plans to use > it in sm doses 3-4 x a day. We have asked him to move and do not think it is > wise to buy him a car due to use etc. He also is verbally abusive. Does anyone > know of a meet up support grp in Orange County , CA and does anyone have any > ideas or suggetions? He does not respond to rewards or consequences so behavor > mod does not work. Pls offer any advise , thx Mark > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 26, 2010 Report Share Posted August 26, 2010 My strategy is different. It is to work very closely with a psychiatrist. I have needed a well respected advocate to help me get each and every service for my daughter. I am sure CA with it's budget cuts is not looking to hand out any more services but your son needs them. What are your long term plans for him? Can you provide his medical care? Are you young enough to provide housing most of his life? There are so many things to consider. Try to find an autism conference and get educated on your states system. For housing our state will help set up a group home if you the parent donate a house (otherwise the wait is very long). Or do you prefer to leave your home to him and provide funds in a special needs trust to provide companionship and care? If you expect him to care for himself ....well it is better to hope for the best but prepare for him having special needs. For medical: you need a doctor that is treating your son to say he is disabled and can't cope on his own and needs medicare and disability benefits. Medication: I would not try to get medication for minor illnesses and try to treat your son yourself. Go back and find a psychiatrist or neurologist that works with autistic patients and knows how to treat them. They need low doses of medications often but a mix to control sypmtoms. Treat one major issue at a time. If that is anxiety work to find medication that works. There are so many options. transporation: I would work on controlling anxiety better before I would have your son consider driving. Next I would work on getting around on public transportation. There are books on special needs trust that protect assets left to your son after you are gone. Pam > > Hi! This is my 1st post so pls forgive if not correct. We have a 20 year old son > who in 4/10 was finally diagonsed with ADHD/Aspergers/Dependency disorder etc. > WE have known since he was in 6th grade he had Autism but numerous Drs stated it > was just teenage rebellion, even his school would not have him tested. In 2008 a > Dr. started suspecting the real problem and he has tried most all ADHD/ Asperger > medication. Unfortnately he has had significant side effects from meds. He is > gifted and recently decided that canabis would cure his syptoms. He plans to use > it in sm doses 3-4 x a day. We have asked him to move and do not think it is > wise to buy him a car due to use etc. He also is verbally abusive. Does anyone > know of a meet up support grp in Orange County , CA and does anyone have any > ideas or suggetions? He does not respond to rewards or consequences so behavor > mod does not work. Pls offer any advise , thx Mark > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 26, 2010 Report Share Posted August 26, 2010 Here is a site that may help you find some direction. http://www.pacificautism.org/ Our kids are so smart on one level and the temptation is to hang on to hope that they will break through some how and be independent. And we should hope that. But on the other hand not helping they get support they need is cruel too. To wish and demand they control emotions, stay organized and self directed is not going to work with someone with a true disability (versus someone with introversion traits). Someone with a disability may be someone that is smart but just too ridgid to be able to cope with life unsupported. Best of luck getting your son help. Pam > > Hi! This is my 1st post so pls forgive if not correct. We have a 20 year old son > who in 4/10 was finally diagonsed with ADHD/Aspergers/Dependency disorder etc. > WE have known since he was in 6th grade he had Autism but numerous Drs stated it > was just teenage rebellion, even his school would not have him tested. In 2008 a > Dr. started suspecting the real problem and he has tried most all ADHD/ Asperger > medication. Unfortnately he has had significant side effects from meds. He is > gifted and recently decided that canabis would cure his syptoms. He plans to use > it in sm doses 3-4 x a day. We have asked him to move and do not think it is > wise to buy him a car due to use etc. He also is verbally abusive. Does anyone > know of a meet up support grp in Orange County , CA and does anyone have any > ideas or suggetions? He does not respond to rewards or consequences so behavor > mod does not work. Pls offer any advise , thx Mark > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 28, 2010 Report Share Posted August 28, 2010 Pamela: Thx for your excellent suggestions. Unfortley, we have seen 3-4 psychiatrists that have come highly recommended, but they weren't very helpful. they seemed to apply a shotgun approach to meds and our gifted son knew effects etc of meds better than them. They actually needed help themselves. We may have to go to UCI which is not covered under the medical plan. However, our 20 yr old,non minor son, refuses to see another Dr. When he mentioned canabis use, which he has RX for, the MD and asperger's counselor refused to continue treatent. I understand their view, and our gifted son's rigid thinking will not allow him to think long term etc.We are in our mid 50s and cannot afford a group home at this time. No after we are deceased he probably will need caregiver. We may have no other choice than to set up trust and donate our house, this may be a private company in our state.We have already gotten our son Social Security and mediciare, but benefits are very limited.Finding an advocate and attending an autisim conference are great ideas we are trying to proceed with. Most groups here are for activities for younger children and we are looking for parent support groups etc.It is really difficult to help someone who thinks they are right and refuses benefical treatment. We may have to get guardinship over him which we have heard is hard to take his rights.Pamela thank you and others for their insights.Regards,Mark From: Pamela <susanonderko@...> Sent: Thu, August 26, 2010 10:05:04 PMSubject: ( ) Re: new member pls help My strategy is different. It is to work very closely with a psychiatrist. I have needed a well respected advocate to help me get each and every service for my daughter. I am sure CA with it's budget cuts is not looking to hand out any more services but your son needs them. What are your long term plans for him? Can you provide his medical care? Are you young enough to provide housing most of his life? There are so many things to consider. Try to find an autism conference and get educated on your states system. For housing our state will help set up a group home if you the parent donate a house (otherwise the wait is very long). Or do you prefer to leave your home to him and provide funds in a special needs trust to provide companionship and care? If you expect him to care for himself ....well it is better to hope for the best but prepare for him having special needs. For medical: you need a doctor that is treating your son to say he is disabled and can't cope on his own and needs medicare and disability benefits. Medication: I would not try to get medication for minor illnesses and try to treat your son yourself. Go back and find a psychiatrist or neurologist that works with autistic patients and knows how to treat them. They need low doses of medications often but a mix to control sypmtoms. Treat one major issue at a time. If that is anxiety work to find medication that works. There are so many options. transporation: I would work on controlling anxiety better before I would have your son consider driving. Next I would work on getting around on public transportation. There are books on special needs trust that protect assets left to your son after you are gone. Pam > > Hi! This is my 1st post so pls forgive if not correct. We have a 20 year old son > who in 4/10 was finally diagonsed with ADHD/Aspergers/Dependency disorder etc. > WE have known since he was in 6th grade he had Autism but numerous Drs stated it > was just teenage rebellion, even his school would not have him tested. In 2008 a > Dr. started suspecting the real problem and he has tried most all ADHD/ Asperger > medication. Unfortnately he has had significant side effects from meds. He is > gifted and recently decided that canabis would cure his syptoms. He plans to use > it in sm doses 3-4 x a day. We have asked him to move and do not think it is > wise to buy him a car due to use etc. He also is verbally abusive. Does anyone > know of a meet up support grp in Orange County , CA and does anyone have any > ideas or suggetions? He does not respond to rewards or consequences so behavor > mod does not work. Pls offer any advise , thx Mark > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 28, 2010 Report Share Posted August 28, 2010 Have you ever checked out Meetup.com? There is an Aspergers support group for adults with Aspergers in our area, which is why i'm asking. Maybe that could be a resource for your son? If he's so worried about side effects of meds, you should have him check out the dangers of inhaling burning substances to his lungs. Maybe that will help a light bulb come on!Sent via BlackBerry by AT&TFrom: Mark Calvert <tustinmark1956@...>Sender: Date: Sat, 28 Aug 2010 12:48:00 -0700 (PDT)< >Reply Cc: <tustinmark1956@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: new member pls help Pamela: Thx for your excellent suggestions. Unfortley, we have seen 3-4 psychiatrists that have come highly recommended, but they weren't very helpful. they seemed to apply a shotgun approach to meds and our gifted son knew effects etc of meds better than them. They actually needed help themselves. We may have to go to UCI which is not covered under the medical plan. However, our 20 yr old,non minor son, refuses to see another Dr. When he mentioned canabis use, which he has RX for, the MD and asperger's counselor refused to continue treatent. I understand their view, and our gifted son's rigid thinking will not allow him to think long term etc.We are in our mid 50s and cannot afford a group home at this time. No after we are deceased he probably will need caregiver. We may haveno other choice than to set up trust and donate our house, this may be a private company in our state.We have already gotten our son Social Security and mediciare, but benefits are very limited.Finding an advocate and attending an autisim conference are great ideas we are trying to proceed with. Most groups here are for activities for younger children and we are looking for parent support groups etc.It is really difficult to help someone who thinks they are right and refuses benefical treatment. We may have to get guardinship over him which we have heard is hard to take his rights.Pamela thank you and others for their insights.Regards,Mark From: Pamela <susanonderko@...> Sent: Thu, August 26, 2010 10:05:04 PMSubject: ( ) Re: new member pls help My strategy is different. It is to work very closely with a psychiatrist. I have needed a well respected advocate to help me get each and every service for my daughter.I am sure CA with it's budget cuts is not looking to hand outany more services but your son needs them. What are your long term plans for him? Can you provide his medicalcare? Are you young enough to provide housing most of his life?There are so many things to consider. Try to find an autism conference and get educated on your states system.For housing our state will help set up a group home if you the parent donate a house (otherwise the wait is verylong). Or do you prefer to leave your home to him and provide funds in a special needs trust to providecompanionship and care? If you expect him to care forhimself ....well it is better to hope for the best butprepare for him having special needs. For medical: you need a doctor that is treating your sonto say he is disabled and can't cope on his own and needsmedicare and disability benefits. Medication: I would not try to get medication for minor illnesses and try to treat your son yourself.Go back and find a psychiatrist or neurologist that works with autistic patients and knows how totreat them. They need low doses of medications oftenbut a mix to control sypmtoms. Treat one major issueat a time. If that is anxiety work to find medicationthat works. There are so many options. transporation: I would work on controlling anxiety betterbefore I would have your son consider driving. Next I would work on getting around on public transportation.There are books on special needs trust that protect assets left to your son after you are gone. Pam >> Hi! This is my 1st post so pls forgive if not correct. We have a 20 year old son > who in 4/10 was finally diagonsed with ADHD/Aspergers/Dependency disorder etc. > WE have known since he was in 6th grade he had Autism but numerous Drs stated it > was just teenage rebellion, even his school would not have him tested. In 2008 a > Dr. started suspecting the real problem and he has tried most all ADHD/ Asperger > medication. Unfortnately he has had significant side effects from meds. He is > gifted and recently decided that canabis would cure his syptoms. He plans to use > it in sm doses 3-4 x a day. We have asked him to move and do not think it is > wise to buy him a car due to use etc. He also is verbally abusive. Does anyone > know of a meet up support grp in Orange County , CA and does anyone have any > ideas or suggetions? He does not respond to rewards or consequences so behavor > mod does not work. Pls offer any advise , thx Mark> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 29, 2010 Report Share Posted August 29, 2010 Hi Mark, you mentioned Medicare? Does he have Medicaid (or whatever CA calls the state health insurance)? I would think Medicaid would pay for a group home type residence. I know here in NC that there are homes with only 2 or 3 roommates, so don't have to look for a large type one, just a provider who does have houses for them, but that includes 24 hr type care, monitoring. Sounds like he could use a mental health case manager, one that works with the developmental disability type population, who could link him to providers and services. Also thinking of Medicaid here, sometimes they can get an aide who works with them so-many hours a week, even attend classes with them, things like that. Quick thoughts, > > Pamela: Thx for your excellent suggestions. Unfortley, we have seen 3-4 > psychiatrists that have come highly recommended, but they weren't very helpful. > they seemed to apply a shotgun approach to meds and our gifted son knew effects > etc of meds better than them. They actually needed help themselves. We may have > to go to UCI which is not covered under the medical plan. However, our 20 yr > old,non minor son, refuses to see another Dr. When he mentioned canabis use, > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 29, 2010 Report Share Posted August 29, 2010 Just one more comment. I think since he has an actual prescription for the mj, his counselor was wrong to drop him. The MD - apparently not the one prescribing the mj, but perhaps he didn't see a reason to continue if no use prescribing other meds? Guardianship - Get a psychological evaluation on him that would state/show his limitations. Then you state the reasons in the request. I would think his therapist, doctor and former counselor would help with reasons why he needs guardianship. > > Pamela: Thx for your excellent suggestions. Unfortley, we have seen 3-4 > psychiatrists that have come highly recommended, but they weren't very helpful. > they seemed to apply a shotgun approach to meds and our gifted son knew effects > etc of meds better than them. They actually needed help themselves. We may have > to go to UCI which is not covered under the medical plan. However, our 20 yr > old,non minor son, refuses to see another Dr. When he mentioned canabis use, > which he has RX for, the MD and asperger's counselor refused to continue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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