Re: Bullying - a book with a plan (review)

[Guest guest]

Thank you EC Bernard! and Roxanne for bringing this to our attention. From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Mon, August 16, 2010 10:23:46 AMSubject: ( ) Bullying - a book with a plan (review)

I just recently read an interesting book about bullying, "Four Minutes a day" by E.C. Bernard. http://www.ecbernard.org I really learned a lot of interesting things about why kids bully. But most importantly, this idea could be used to help kids like ours so I wanted to share it with everyone since this is a big topic here.

I wish I had seen this book several years ago because this was one of two primary reasons why I had to pull my 13 yo ds out of school - bullying. While he was always the target of being bullied, as he got older, it got more prevalent and he became more aware of it. Pretty soon, kids were just whispering "yellow" at him and he would melt down. In addition, as he got into the higher grades (i.e. MIDDLE SCHOOL!), the teachers were around less often, had less time to devote to these issues or at times, less tolerance to listen to his problems or take them seriously. One of the last meetings I had attended for my ds at middle school, the sped teacher informed me that my ds spent his 15 minute lunch break "screaming for no reason". These are the kinds of things said to parents that break their hearts. Nobody had ever bothered to figure out what was going wrong. They just had a stern talk with him about screaming like

that and told him not to do it. And I was never told about the problem until parent/teacher conferences. Now their problem was solved. But not his. shortly after that, another boy told the teacher that the bully's were planning to "trash can" my son. This is where they throw the kid into the giant trash bin out back. We pulled him after his 3rd month of 6th grade and he is being e-school now. But he still bitterly makes comments about that school and how horrible it was - even 3 years later.

I have 2 kids with HFA so this is just one story of many. And after all these years on this list, I hear these stories on a regular basis from everyone. Now school is getting ready to start and I see a lot of posts about panicked parents sending their vulnerable kids to school and hoping they don't get teased. Soon, we will get posts from parents whose kids are being teased. Some school staff try to make it stop and help. But it never really stops at the core level - they just learn to bully out of sight of adults. Then some staff have no idea how to address bullying like this and so they ignore it or blame the victim. And once they have targeted one of our kids, it often doesn't take more than a look or a whispered word to cause the panic.

That is why I wanted to tell you about this book and the idea behind it. I also wanted to add that E.C. Bernard is a member of our list! She is a teacher, so she writes from the unique vantage point of school staff - where the problems are happening. She came up with this plan and implemented it herself for a student of hers. I can tell in reading the description of the kind of students who are being bullied, that E.C. totally gets our kids although it is not written about AS/HFA kids specifically- just vulnerable kids who get teased.

E.C. has spent a lot of time thinking and studying bully's and what makes them tick. I always tell parents on here that they have to identify "why" their child is doing a particular behavior before they can change it or address it. This is exactly what E.C. did. E.C. breaks this down into different kinds of bullying - personal and entertainment. Each type of bullying is for a different reason. I think these ideas are brilliant really and it helps explain why punishing these kids doesn't fix the problem. Once you identify what they are getting from it, she offers ideas for handling the bully that really cuts to the heart of the issue. I think school staff and administrators need to read this part especially because it can really help them manage the bullying issues that they must see every day.

Next, E.C. has developed a plan for the school day to surround the victim of bullying and prevent it from happening/fix a problem that is happening. This is what the "Four Minutes a Day" title means. As often happens, our kids do ok in the classroom but they have problems between classes, getting to classes, during lunch and breaks. This is where her book addresses the problem and helps set up a program to surround that student at these times of day. Even better, she doesn't use the same one or two students to do this, which I think is so important.

I really like that she has thought this through from several perspectives as well - teachers, administrators, parents and students. For the administrator, she tells them why following through on these suggestions will save them time and money later. This is great information for parents to use as well in order to get a plan put in place. You do have to appeal to the things they are most concerned with. For teachers, she discusses which teachers would do best at this and how to set this plan up - how they will need extra planning time and why and how they can recruit, encourage and problem solve with weekly meetings. For the parents, she gives them information about how to view their child more objectively and how to ask for assistance. For students - she writes not only about helping the victim in a low key

but effective way but also about protecting the students who will volunteer to help out and addressing their needs and concerns. I really do like that the plan addresses all these angles.

The beauty in this plan - to surround the victim with a few buddies at key points in the day - is that it is simple, easy to do once it has been organized, and addresses the exact need. In some of her examples, it has helped kids make some friends along the way. But it also provides opportunities for the NT kids to learn tolerance and to be helpful. I think it will lift the self-esteem of both the victim and the volunteers in a way that actually matters. So that's a win-win for the kids. My favorite part to this is that it is kids helping kids with the adults facilitating and monitoring. It doesn't take a big time commitment from the volunteers either. It really addresses the problem at it's core and that is what makes it such a great idea!

Obviously, I don't get compensated for telling you about this book! I just really think it's a great idea and wanted to share it. If anyone intends to try this plan or talk to their school about it, please write back in here and let us hear about what is happening. I would really love to know how it is working! My own ds is e-schooled now but I hope to talk with the local school sped director about it and perhaps she'll think of it when faced with another bullying situation.

Roxanna

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

[Guest guest]

I tried to order two books through that website but could not get the links to work to get the order blank.. EC Bernard, do you have a direct method to order? From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Mon, August 16, 2010 10:23:46 AMSubject: ( )

Bullying - a book with a plan (review)

I just recently read an interesting book about bullying, "Four Minutes a day" by E.C. Bernard. http://www.ecbernard.org I really learned a lot of interesting things about why kids bully. But most importantly, this idea could be used to help kids like ours so I wanted to share it with everyone since this is a big topic here.

I wish I had seen this book several years ago because this was one of two primary reasons why I had to pull my 13 yo ds out of school - bullying. While he was always the target of being bullied, as he got older, it got more prevalent and he became more aware of it. Pretty soon, kids were just whispering "yellow" at him and he would melt down. In addition, as he got into the higher grades (i.e. MIDDLE SCHOOL!), the teachers were around less often, had less time to devote to these issues or at times, less tolerance to listen to his problems or take them seriously. One of the last meetings I had attended for my ds at middle school, the sped teacher informed me that my ds spent his 15 minute lunch break "screaming for no reason". These are the kinds of things said to parents that break their hearts. Nobody had ever bothered to figure out what was going wrong. They just had a stern talk with him about screaming like

that and told him not to do it. And I was never told about the problem until parent/teacher conferences. Now their problem was solved. But not his. shortly after that, another boy told the teacher that the bully's were planning to "trash can" my son. This is where they throw the kid into the giant trash bin out back. We pulled him after his 3rd month of 6th grade and he is being e-school now. But he still bitterly makes comments about that school and how horrible it was - even 3 years later.

I have 2 kids with HFA so this is just one story of many. And after all these years on this list, I hear these stories on a regular basis from everyone. Now school is getting ready to start and I see a lot of posts about panicked parents sending their vulnerable kids to school and hoping they don't get teased. Soon, we will get posts from parents whose kids are being teased. Some school staff try to make it stop and help. But it never really stops at the core level - they just learn to bully out of sight of adults. Then some staff have no idea how to address bullying like this and so they ignore it or blame the victim. And once they have targeted one of our kids, it often doesn't take more than a look or a whispered word to cause the panic.

That is why I wanted to tell you about this book and the idea behind it. I also wanted to add that E.C. Bernard is a member of our list! She is a teacher, so she writes from the unique vantage point of school staff - where the problems are happening. She came up with this plan and implemented it herself for a student of hers. I can tell in reading the description of the kind of students who are being bullied, that E.C. totally gets our kids although it is not written about AS/HFA kids specifically- just vulnerable kids who get teased.

E.C. has spent a lot of time thinking and studying bully's and what makes them tick. I always tell parents on here that they have to identify "why" their child is doing a particular behavior before they can change it or address it. This is exactly what E.C. did. E.C. breaks this down into different kinds of bullying - personal and entertainment. Each type of bullying is for a different reason. I think these ideas are brilliant really and it helps explain why punishing these kids doesn't fix the problem. Once you identify what they are getting from it, she offers ideas for handling the bully that really cuts to the heart of the issue. I think school staff and administrators need to read this part especially because it can really help them manage the bullying issues that they must see every day.

Next, E.C. has developed a plan for the school day to surround the victim of bullying and prevent it from happening/fix a problem that is happening. This is what the "Four Minutes a Day" title means. As often happens, our kids do ok in the classroom but they have problems between classes, getting to classes, during lunch and breaks. This is where her book addresses the problem and helps set up a program to surround that student at these times of day. Even better, she doesn't use the same one or two students to do this, which I think is so important.

I really like that she has thought this through from several perspectives as well - teachers, administrators, parents and students. For the administrator, she tells them why following through on these suggestions will save them time and money later. This is great information for parents to use as well in order to get a plan put in place. You do have to appeal to the things they are most concerned with. For teachers, she discusses which teachers would do best at this and how to set this plan up - how they will need extra planning time and why and how they can recruit, encourage and problem solve with weekly meetings. For the parents, she gives them information about how to view their child more objectively and how to ask for assistance. For students - she writes not only about helping the victim in a low key

but effective way but also about protecting the students who will volunteer to help out and addressing their needs and concerns. I really do like that the plan addresses all these angles.

The beauty in this plan - to surround the victim with a few buddies at key points in the day - is that it is simple, easy to do once it has been organized, and addresses the exact need. In some of her examples, it has helped kids make some friends along the way. But it also provides opportunities for the NT kids to learn tolerance and to be helpful. I think it will lift the self-esteem of both the victim and the volunteers in a way that actually matters. So that's a win-win for the kids. My favorite part to this is that it is kids helping kids with the adults facilitating and monitoring. It doesn't take a big time commitment from the volunteers either. It really addresses the problem at it's core and that is what makes it such a great idea!

Obviously, I don't get compensated for telling you about this book! I just really think it's a great idea and wanted to share it. If anyone intends to try this plan or talk to their school about it, please write back in here and let us hear about what is happening. I would really love to know how it is working! My own ds is e-schooled now but I hope to talk with the local school sped director about it and perhaps she'll think of it when faced with another bullying situation.

Roxanna

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

[Guest guest]

I share many of the trials of other parents on here, but feel very

vulnerable when I consider posting. However, this got my attention in a

way I feel compelled to share. I have a 17 year old son with aspergers

that has been in public school until this year when we are trying a

private school for kids with learning differences. At the end of the

school year, I will post feedback about how the year has gone.

I am mindful of high school aged Tyler Long's suicide last year after

years of bullying and am proactive to be sure this never happens to my

son. Tyler had AS & his story is on the Internet. Therefore I was very

interested in getting a copy of " Four Minutes a Day " to better

understand a difficult topic that strongly pertains to AS children.

That E.C. Bernard has been a teacher for around 30 years makes a

difference to me. That's the experience of someone who knows what she's

talking about and also has the skills to communicate it clearly.

The book is well written and organized. While the child illustrated in

the book was not identified as having aspergers, it was clear to me from

the description of the student's traits. I thought the author

presented an EXCELLENT explanation of what bullying is in our school

culture today, written by a teacher with enormous compassion and

creative engergy for her students who are struggling to fit in. Not

only did I read it, but I asked my SON to read the book. I wanted him

to understand what bullying is about and because he's very smart, I

hoped that he would learn the " social language " , if you will, behind

bullying. For him, as a high school junior, it's another tool in his

bag to understand WHAT IS GOING ON. This way he can learn that bullying

is not about the victim, it's about the bullies and the way it works.

I'm not saying that all of our kids should read this, but in my case, it

was appropriate because while I would like to be able to discuss these

types of things with him, he's unwilling. My son does not share what

happens to him at school (as was the case with Tyler Long), but based on

lack of traditional friendships, I can imagine that he deals with

bullying and or teasing to some degree, and likely more than I imagine.

I think it would be best to discuss this with your child directly if

there is good communication between you, after reading the book. Every

situation is different and with my son, he not only read it, he made

notes in the book and underlined things.

But mainly, I recommend reading this book to help understand bullying

and teasing for yourself-- especially, if you have a child with AS

either approaching or in middle school, you'll be very thankful to

E.C.Bernard for providing important tools and knowledge to deal with the

bullying issue should it become the problem it frequently is for our

special kids. I passed my copy onto another parent that I know has

dealt with the issue and suggest it for all middle school teachers as a

present for the holidays. If we could spread this knowledge and example

of one teacher's successful effort to address bullying, I think we could

eliminate it all together. Kudos to E.C. Bernard for taking on this

subject AND for being present on this board.

>

> Thank you EC Bernard! and Roxanne for bringing this to our attention.

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: Roxanna MadIdeas@...

>

> Sent: Mon, August 16, 2010 10:23:46 AM

> Subject: ( ) Bullying - a book with a plan (review)

>

>

> I just recently read an interesting book about bullying, " Four Minutes

a day " by

> E.C. Bernard. http://www.ecbernard.org I really learned a lot of

interesting

> things about why kids bully. But most importantly, this idea could be

used to

> help kids like ours so I wanted to share it with everyone since this

is a big

> topic here.

>

> I wish I had seen this book several years ago because this was one of

two

> primary reasons why I had to pull my 13 yo ds out of school -

bullying. While

> he was always the target of being bullied, as he got older, it got

more

> prevalent and he became more aware of it. Pretty soon, kids were just

> whispering " yellow " at him and he would melt down. In addition, as he

got into

> the higher grades (i.e. MIDDLE SCHOOL!), the teachers were around less

often,

> had less time to devote to these issues or at times, less tolerance to

listen to

> his problems or take them seriously. One of the last meetings I had

attended

> for my ds at middle school, the sped teacher informed me that my ds

spent his 15

> minute lunch break " screaming for no reason " . These are the kinds of

things

> said to parents that break their hearts. Nobody had ever bothered to

figure out

> what was going wrong. They just had a stern talk with him about

screaming like

> that and told him not to do it. And I was never told about the problem

until

> parent/teacher conferences. Now their problem was solved. But not his.

> shortly after that, another boy told the teacher that the bully's were

planning

> to " trash can " my son. This is where they throw the kid into the giant

trash

> bin out back. We pulled him after his 3rd month of 6th grade and he is

being

> e-school now. But he still bitterly makes comments about that school

and how

> horrible it was - even 3 years later.

>

>

> I have 2 kids with HFA so this is just one story of many. And after

all these

> years on this list, I hear these stories on a regular basis from

everyone. Now

> school is getting ready to start and I see a lot of posts about

panicked parents

> sending their vulnerable kids to school and hoping they don't get

teased. Soon,

> we will get posts from parents whose kids are being teased. Some

school staff

> try to make it stop and help. But it never really stops at the core

level -

> they just learn to bully out of sight of adults. Then some staff have

no idea

> how to address bullying like this and so they ignore it or blame the

victim.

> And once they have targeted one of our kids, it often doesn't take

more than a

> look or a whispered word to cause the panic.

>

> That is why I wanted to tell you about this book and the idea behind

it. I also

> wanted to add that E.C. Bernard is a member of our list! She is a

teacher, so

> she writes from the unique vantage point of school staff - where the

problems

> are happening. She came up with this plan and implemented it herself

for a

> student of hers. I can tell in reading the description of the kind of

students

> who are being bullied, that E.C. totally gets our kids although it is

not

> written about AS/HFA kids specifically- just vulnerable kids who get

teased.

>

>

> E.C. has spent a lot of time thinking and studying bully's and what

makes them

> tick. I always tell parents on here that they have to identify " why "

their

> child is doing a particular behavior before they can change it or

address it.

> This is exactly what E.C. did. E.C. breaks this down into different

kinds of

> bullying - personal and entertainment. Each type of bullying is for a

different

> reason. I think these ideas are brilliant really and it helps explain

why

> punishing these kids doesn't fix the problem. Once you identify what

they are

> getting from it, she offers ideas for handling the bully that really

cuts to the

> heart of the issue. I think school staff and administrators need to

read this

> part especially because it can really help them manage the bullying

issues that

> they must see every day.

>

>

> Next, E.C. has developed a plan for the school day to surround the

victim of

> bullying and prevent it from happening/fix a problem that is

happening. This is

> what the " Four Minutes a Day " title means. As often happens, our kids

do ok in

> the classroom but they have problems between classes, getting to

classes, during

> lunch and breaks. This is where her book addresses the problem and

helps set up

> a program to surround that student at these times of day. Even better,

she

> doesn't use the same one or two students to do this, which I think is

so

> important.

>

>

> I really like that she has thought this through from several

perspectives as

> well - teachers, administrators, parents and students. For the

administrator,

> she tells them why following through on these suggestions will save

them time

> and money later. This is great information for parents to use as well

in order

> to get a plan put in place. You do have to appeal to the things they

are most

> concerned with. For teachers, she discusses which teachers would do

best at

> this and how to set this plan up - how they will need extra planning

time and

> why and how they can recruit, encourage and problem solve with weekly

> meetings. For the parents, she gives them information about how to

view their

> child more objectively and how to ask for assistance. For students -

she writes

> not only about helping the victim in a low key but effective way but

also about

> protecting the students who will volunteer to help out and addressing

their

> needs and concerns. I really do like that the plan addresses all these

angles.

>

>

> The beauty in this plan - to surround the victim with a few buddies at

key

> points in the day - is that it is simple, easy to do once it has been

organized,

> and addresses the exact need. In some of her examples, it has helped

kids make

> some friends along the way. But it also provides opportunities for the

NT kids

> to learn tolerance and to be helpful. I think it will lift the

self-esteem of

> both the victim and the volunteers in a way that actually matters. So

that's a

> win-win for the kids. My favorite part to this is that it is kids

helping kids

> with the adults facilitating and monitoring. It doesn't take a big

time

> commitment from the volunteers either. It really addresses the problem

at it's

> core and that is what makes it such a great idea!

>

>

> Obviously, I don't get compensated for telling you about this book! I

just

> really think it's a great idea and wanted to share it. If anyone

intends to try

> this plan or talk to their school about it, please write back in here

and let us

> hear about what is happening. I would really love to know how it is

working!

> My own ds is e-schooled now but I hope to talk with the local school

sped

> director about it and perhaps she'll think of it when faced with

another

> bullying situation.

>

>

>

> Roxanna

> Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

>

[Guest guest]

I tried the links. The Adobe one works although you have an extra blank page on both versions. The word one works not where you say to click, but where the picture of the W is .. also with an extra page.. Hope that helps, but an order blank can be printed.From: E.C. <e.c.bernard@...> Sent: Mon,

August 23, 2010 6:08:57 PMSubject: ( ) Bullying - a book with a plan (review)

Dear Sandee, Thanks for bringing this to my

attention. I think I have figured out the

problem. Would you try this link again and click on either the WORD or the

PDF link? http://four-minutes-a-day.wikispaces.com/ Otherwise, go to www.ecbernard.org

and click on HOW TO ORDER BOOK and just call me – I have unlimited

minutes and can call you back. Let me know if this doesn’t work,

and Thanks. E.C. e.c.bernard@...

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of sandee C

Sent: Monday, August 23, 2010 2:15

PM

Subject: Re: ( )

Bullying - a book with a plan (review)

I tried to order two books through that website but could not get the

links to work to get the order blank.. EC Bernard, do you have a direct method

to order?

From: Roxanna

<MadIdeas@...>

To:

Sent: Mon, August 16, 2010

10:23:46 AM

Subject: ( )

Bullying - a book with a plan (review)

I

just recently read an interesting book about bullying, "Four Minutes a

day" by E.C. Bernard. http://www.ecbernard.org I really learned a lot

of interesting things about why kids bully. But most importantly, this

idea could be used to help kids like ours so I wanted to share it with everyone

since this is a big topic here.

I wish I had seen this book several years ago because this was one of two

primary reasons why I had to pull my 13 yo ds out of school - bullying.

While he was always the target of being bullied, as he got older, it got more

prevalent and he became more aware of it. Pretty soon, kids were just

whispering "yellow" at him and he would melt down. In addition,

as he got into the higher grades (i.e. MIDDLE SCHOOL!), the teachers were

around less often, had less time to devote to these issues or at times, less

tolerance to listen to his problems or take them seriously. One of the

last meetings I had attended for my ds at middle school, the sped teacher

informed me that my ds spent his 15 minute lunch break "screaming for no

reason". These are the kinds of things said to parents that break

their hearts. Nobody had ever bothered to figure out what was going

wrong. They just had a stern talk with him about screaming like that and

told him not to do it. And I was never told about the problem until

parent/teacher conferences. Now their problem was solved. But not

his. shortly after that, another boy told the teacher that the bully's

were planning to "trash can" my son. This is where they throw

the kid into the giant trash bin out back. We pulled him after his 3rd

month of 6th grade and he is being e-school now. But he still bitterly

makes comments about that school and how horrible it was - even 3 years

later.

I have 2 kids with HFA so this is just one story of many. And after all

these years on this list, I hear these stories on a regular basis from

everyone. Now school is getting ready to start and I see a lot of posts

about panicked parents sending their vulnerable kids to school and hoping they

don't get teased. Soon, we will get posts from parents whose kids are

being teased. Some school staff try to make it stop and help. But

it never really stops at the core level - they just learn to bully out of sight

of adults. Then some staff have no idea how to address bullying like this

and so they ignore it or blame the victim. And once they have targeted

one of our kids, it often doesn't take more than a look or a whispered word to

cause the panic.

That is why I wanted to tell you about this book and the idea behind it.

I also wanted to add that E.C. Bernard is a member of our list! She is a

teacher, so she writes from the unique vantage point of school staff - where

the problems are happening. She came up with this plan and implemented it

herself for a student of hers. I can tell in reading the description of

the kind of students who are being bullied, that E.C. totally gets our kids

although it is not written about AS/HFA kids specifically- just vulnerable kids

who get teased.

E.C. has spent a lot of time thinking and studying bully's and what makes them

tick. I always tell parents on here that they have to identify

"why" their child is doing a particular behavior before they can

change it or address it. This is exactly what E.C. did. E.C. breaks

this down into different kinds of bullying - personal and entertainment.

Each type of bullying is for a different reason. I think these ideas are

brilliant really and it helps explain why punishing these kids doesn't fix the

problem. Once you identify what they are getting from it, she

offers ideas for handling the bully that really cuts to the heart of the

issue. I think school staff and administrators need to read

this part especially because it can really help them manage the bullying issues

that they must see every day.

Next, E.C. has developed a plan for the school day to surround the victim of

bullying and prevent it from happening/fix a problem that is happening.

This is what the "Four Minutes a Day" title means. As often

happens, our kids do ok in the classroom but they have problems between

classes, getting to classes, during lunch and breaks. This is where her

book addresses the problem and helps set up a program to surround that student

at these times of day. Even better, she doesn't use the same one or two

students to do this, which I think is so important.

I really like that she has thought this through from several perspectives as

well - teachers, administrators, parents and students. For the

administrator, she tells them why following through on these suggestions will

save them time and money later. This is great information for parents to

use as well in order to get a plan put in place. You do have to appeal to

the things they are most concerned with. For teachers, she discusses which

teachers would do best at this and how to set this plan up - how they will need

extra planning time and why and how they can recruit, encourage and problem

solve with weekly meetings. For the parents, she gives them

information about how to view their child more objectively and how to ask for

assistance. For students - she writes not only about helping the victim

in a low key but effective way but also about protecting the students who will

volunteer to help out and addressing their needs and concerns. I really

do like that the plan addresses all these angles.

The beauty in this plan - to surround the victim with a few buddies at key

points in the day - is that it is simple, easy to do once it has been

organized, and addresses the exact need. In some of her examples, it has

helped kids make some friends along the way. But it also provides

opportunities for the NT kids to learn tolerance and to be helpful. I

think it will lift the self-esteem of both the victim and the volunteers in a way

that actually matters. So that's a win-win for the kids. My

favorite part to this is that it is kids helping kids with the adults

facilitating and monitoring. It doesn't take a big time commitment from

the volunteers either. It really addresses the problem at it's core and

that is what makes it such a great idea!

Obviously, I don't get compensated for telling you about this book! I

just really think it's a great idea and wanted to share it. If anyone

intends to try this plan or talk to their school about it, please write back in

here and let us hear about what is happening. I would really love to know

how it is working! My own ds is e-schooled now but I hope to talk with

the local school sped director about it and perhaps she'll think of it when

faced with another bullying situation.

Roxanna

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

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The message was checked by ESET NOD32 Antivirus.

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