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Have you made any requests in writing to the principal for evals? If so, include

them and then send the spec. ed. director a letter using the information that

you gave, but specifically that your son has missed 45 days of school

instruction due to the school's inability to appropriately help him. In this

letter it would be great if you could have actual dates in your records to put

in the letter. The more documentation you have the better you will fare.

You need to step it up and I think bypass the principal altogether and address

the special ed. director at this point in asking for an evaluation. Also, as a

side note, I would look at your state's DOE site and read what you can find

about evals and the regulations around them. You really gotta learn this stuff

to fight the fight. ** It just dawned on me that if you have already made a

formal request the school could be in trouble if they have not provided you with

a formal response. Can anyone chime in here?

Also, as a small sidebar, your promising to take your son to a bball game or

whatever, I would not intertwine school behavior and home rewards. Your son

sounds like he's in crisis mode and he will probably not be able to hold it

together in that school on a regular basis so I wouldn't try to set him up to

maybe not earn a reward.

Also, fwiw, I still don't know what, " good behavior " or " 1st grade behavior " is.

I think if you want to reward your son do it for behaviors YOU can see and

observe, but be explicitly specific like: If you do not hit your brother when

you play catch you can have a cookie. Or, if you don't yell or scream at the

store, I will take you to the park for 20 minutes. If you yell or scream, we

will go directly home instead.

Also, it's helpful for our kids if you make a rule or change things around from

the way you typically do things, to give your son a good 3 to 5 days to

understand the new rule before it's implemented. For instance: The rule is that

if you brush your teeth and put on your pajamas at 7:00 then you can have 20

minutes of play time in your room. Do not implement the rule until your child

can recite it to you and can answer questions on the rule. This way conflict

really does diminish. It's been very helpful to our family.

>

> Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.

> Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP, (he

was diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with

aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation overload

causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in the

schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing or

helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to return

to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.

>

> After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to come

and get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an

eval for an IEP, principal states " I dont think he is suffering educationally "

hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and fought

and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told me he

will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the office

still!

> (ok whole other story)

>

> So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and as

you know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to

his teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go with

me to the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could make

a paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers and

school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor do

they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:

>

> Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton

today. Let's change the wording for his behaviors from " being good " to doing

his first grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for

Ashton and all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right

now.

> Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to go

to JH basketball game with Mom.

> Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes. Playing

with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't make

possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First,

promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure. Second,

it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's talk

about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.

> Thanks,

>

>

> I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a paper

airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to fly it

just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this school as a

month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his teacher

bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..

>

> The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in

missing the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and

I told him I would " try " no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good

idea and I did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that

day with cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost

my great uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in

our household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email

about how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about

the cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol little

did they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha

they did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes they

just assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and that

with a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to

disneyland in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the

next 4 months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!

>

> My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling

things and now this.....HELP!!!!

>

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I don't think the letter the teacher sent in response to you was wrong. I think it was well thought out on her end, really. She wasn't saying he couldn't have other classroom rewards, but she wanted to talk with you about what would be appropriate since paper airplanes were not. What's wrong with that?

Personally, when my son was in 1st grade, I would've never promised him a reward like that (basketball game for "being good") at the end of the day b/c it would've been impossible for him to earn it and he would've been so focused on the reward that he wouldn't of been able to focus in class. Rewards have never really worked for my son. I would give him rewards, but I wouldn't tell him ahead of time or he would hyperfocus on them, usually lose them b/c he was distracted, and then melt down because he lost them. What happens if your son messes up at 9am? His whole day at school would be ruined, probably.

From: Raina <my6lilguys@...> Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 4:52:09 PMSubject: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~

Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP, (he was diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation overload causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in the schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing or helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to return to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to come and get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an eval for an IEP, principal states "I dont think he is suffering educationally" hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and fought and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have

already told me he will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the office still! (ok whole other story)So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and as you know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to his teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go with me to the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could make a paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers and school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor do they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton today. Let's change the wording for his behaviors from "being good" to doing his first grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for Ashton and all my students in class. I always ask him what

is your job right now. Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to go to JH basketball game with Mom. Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes. Playing with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't make possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First, promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure. Second, it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's talk about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.Thanks,I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a paper airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to fly it just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this school as a month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his teacher bashing me into the ground so this

is the second letter I am receiving..The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in missing the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and I told him I would "try" no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good idea and I did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that day with cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost my great uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email about how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about the cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol little did they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha they did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes they just assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise

them to him and that with a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to disneyland in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next 4 months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling things and now this.....HELP!!!!

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Do you have access to an educational consultant? Or can you or someone you know

observe your son in the classroom? An observation would help you discover what

is happening in class then figure a way to improve it. One IEP goal should be

how much time your son spends in the classroom since he seems to be spending a

huge amount of time outside of it.

I'd advise requesting an IEP meeting to define what needs to happen with your

son 1) to keep him in the classroom to give him the opportunity to learn; 2)

ways to deal with his behavior so that it can either be prevented or he can

learn acceptable coping methods.

We went thru a nightmare year with my son in 1st grade. (He wasn't dx'ed with AS

until he was 12 but had been on an IEP since preschool for language

difficulties.) We paid a professional educational consultant to observe my son

for his entire school day. What she observed was appalling. Basically the

teacher ignored my son until he acted up to get attention. Unfortunately this

was condoned by the school because our consultant was accompanied by the spec ed

admin the entire time she was there. The spec ed admin saw nothing wrong with

the teacher's treatment of my son.

I'd be very leery of the teacher's definition of 1st grade behavior. It's

possible that your son can't meet her expectations. And if she is rewarding

other kids but not your son then it can have a damaging impact on his

confidence. My son's 1st grade teacher had candy jar and any child who was good

got to pick out a piece of candy. My son NEVER got to pick out any candy until

she left on maternity leave. He was so proud that he got to have a piece of

candy out of that jar. This was 6 months into the school year. Before the

teacher left my son started to say disparging things about himself. I told him

that it wasn't true and asked him where he had heard such things. When I found

out it was his teacher I threatened a law suit against the school system on the

grounds of child abuse. I believe the teacher decided to take her maternity

leave early at that point. It took a long time (most of 2nd grade in a new

school system) for my son to regain his confidence. He's now an honor roll

student at a very competitive high school. It still gets me steamed when I think

how poorly his 1st grade teacher treated him.

Caroline

>

> Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.

> Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP, (he

was diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with

aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation overload

causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in the

schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing or

helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to return

to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.

>

> After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to come

and get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an

eval for an IEP, principal states " I dont think he is suffering educationally "

hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and fought

and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told me he

will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the office

still!

> (ok whole other story)

>

> So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and as

you know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to

his teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go with

me to the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could make

a paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers and

school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor do

they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:

>

> Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton

today. Let's change the wording for his behaviors from " being good " to doing

his first grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for

Ashton and all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right

now.

> Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to go

to JH basketball game with Mom.

> Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes. Playing

with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't make

possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First,

promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure. Second,

it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's talk

about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.

> Thanks,

>

>

> I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a paper

airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to fly it

just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this school as a

month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his teacher

bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..

>

> The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in

missing the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and

I told him I would " try " no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good

idea and I did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that

day with cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost

my great uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in

our household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email

about how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about

the cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol little

did they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha

they did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes they

just assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and that

with a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to

disneyland in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the

next 4 months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!

>

> My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling

things and now this.....HELP!!!!

>

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it was not a reward for the whole day she misconstrued it I am the coach

for cheer and he likes to go to my games it was a reward just to get him on the

bus...he refuses to go to school and I'm sorry but she has no knowledge of

autism and refuses to help my son and her solution is to send him out of the

room...and when I do as she says and try to work with her she questions my

parenting yet refuses to acknowledge that he has AS.

>

> I don't think the letter the teacher sent in response to you was wrong. I

think

> it was well thought out on her end, really.  She wasn't saying he couldn't

have

> other classroom rewards, but she wanted to talk with you about what would be

> appropriate since paper airplanes were not.  What's wrong with that?

>

> Personally, when my son was in 1st grade, I would've never promised him

a reward

> like that (basketball game for " being good " ) at the end of the day b/c it

> would've been impossible for him to earn it and he would've been so focused

on

> the reward that he wouldn't of been able to focus in class. 

Rewards have never

> really worked for my son.  I would give him rewards, but I wouldn't tell him

> ahead of time or he would hyperfocus on them, usually lose them b/c he was

> distracted, and then melt down because he lost them.  What happens if your

> son messes up at 9am?  His whole day at school would be ruined,

probably.   

>

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: Raina <my6lilguys@...>

>

> Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 4:52:09 PM

> Subject: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~

>

>  

> Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.

> Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP, (he

was

> diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with

> aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation

overload

> causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in the

> schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing or

> helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to

return

> to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.

>

> After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to come

and

> get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an eval

> for an IEP, principal states " I dont think he is suffering educationally "

> hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and

fought

> and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told me he

> will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the office

> still!

>

> (ok whole other story)

>

> So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and as

you

> know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to his

> teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go with me

to

> the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could make a

> paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers and

> school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor do

> they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:

>

> Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton

today.

> Let's change the wording for his behaviors from " being good " to doing his

first

> grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for Ashton

and

> all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now.

>

> Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to go

to

> JH basketball game with Mom.

>

> Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes. Playing

> with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't make

> possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First,

> promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure.

Second,

> it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's talk

> about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.

> Thanks,

>

> I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a paper

> airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to fly it

> just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this school as

a

> month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his teacher

> bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..

>

> The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in

missing

> the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and I

told

> him I would " try " no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good idea and

I

> did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that day with

> cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost my

great

> uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our

> household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email about

> how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about the

> cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol little

did

> they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha they

> did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes they

just

> assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and that

with

> a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to

disneyland

> in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next 4

> months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!

>

> My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling

> things and now this.....HELP!!!!

>

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Right after her last letter I wrote her back and explained that I did not mean

he wanted to make a paper airplane in class and that I feel he is suffering in

school and not getting the help he needs in return she responded with this:

Ashton did not do his first grade job today.

Several times today, he walked out of class without permission which means that

I don't know where he is, the office doesn't know where he is and he is not

safe. He knows when he leaves my classroom that he needs a note in his hand

stating his intention and destination.

During lunch, he was found in the hallway outside my classroom door. He had

refused to eat lunch. He then went to the office and was told a direction which

he didn't follow and was found in the hallway under the water fountain. None of

these behaviors are acceptable or safe.

He refused to go to Workshop at the end of the day but went for a few minutes

after Mrs. Sweet talked with him.

He did not complete any of his Classroom work in reading or math today.

He went late to Morning work with Mrs. because he refused at first.

He went late to Music, causing me a problem, because I had to take him to Music

separately from the rest of class.

He refused to do Daily 5, his favorite part of school, because he didn't like

his partner which is not acceptable.

Maybe I am just overprotective as these school officials have already admitted

to me they do not have any knowledge nor anyone on staff that knows anything

about ASD so therefore I am sooo angry that I am doing all of this research and

trying to help him along by behavior charts, diversion, etc...and in return I

get emails from an uneducated teacher about how to handle my AS son!

>

> I don't think the letter the teacher sent in response to you was wrong. I

think

> it was well thought out on her end, really.  She wasn't saying he couldn't

have

> other classroom rewards, but she wanted to talk with you about what would be

> appropriate since paper airplanes were not.  What's wrong with that?

>

> Personally, when my son was in 1st grade, I would've never promised him

a reward

> like that (basketball game for " being good " ) at the end of the day b/c it

> would've been impossible for him to earn it and he would've been so focused

on

> the reward that he wouldn't of been able to focus in class. 

Rewards have never

> really worked for my son.  I would give him rewards, but I wouldn't tell him

> ahead of time or he would hyperfocus on them, usually lose them b/c he was

> distracted, and then melt down because he lost them.  What happens if your

> son messes up at 9am?  His whole day at school would be ruined,

probably.   

>

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: Raina <my6lilguys@...>

>

> Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 4:52:09 PM

> Subject: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~

>

>  

> Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.

> Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP, (he

was

> diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with

> aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation

overload

> causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in the

> schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing or

> helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to

return

> to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.

>

> After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to come

and

> get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an eval

> for an IEP, principal states " I dont think he is suffering educationally "

> hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and

fought

> and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told me he

> will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the office

> still!

>

> (ok whole other story)

>

> So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and as

you

> know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to his

> teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go with me

to

> the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could make a

> paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers and

> school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor do

> they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:

>

> Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton

today.

> Let's change the wording for his behaviors from " being good " to doing his

first

> grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for Ashton

and

> all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now.

>

> Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to go

to

> JH basketball game with Mom.

>

> Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes. Playing

> with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't make

> possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First,

> promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure.

Second,

> it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's talk

> about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.

> Thanks,

>

> I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a paper

> airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to fly it

> just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this school as

a

> month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his teacher

> bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..

>

> The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in

missing

> the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and I

told

> him I would " try " no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good idea and

I

> did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that day with

> cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost my

great

> uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our

> household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email about

> how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about the

> cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol little

did

> they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha they

> did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes they

just

> assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and that

with

> a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to

disneyland

> in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next 4

> months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!

>

> My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling

> things and now this.....HELP!!!!

>

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i dont know, she was correcting her wording and making opinions on what she should do at home, sounded condescending to me, why not be appreciative that you have an involved parent.

 

i dont think rewards are a bad idea, i do think defining what " being good " is is a good idea though.  my dd is 10 so older, they use a point system for her rewards so she has to get a 6 (out of 10) at least 3 days to get her reward.  for younger kids ive seen them use a visual reward, such as gaining (or losing) a reattachable (velcro?) image on a chart that may have 3 or 5 or whatever is best for that child to be attainable but still a goal.  also defining to them what good behavior is, such as saying they have to listen to the teacher when she is speaking or hands off other children, no leaving the classroom, whatever

On Mon, Nov 15, 2010 at 9:22 PM, MacAllister <smacalli@...> wrote:

 

I don't think the letter the teacher sent in response to you was wrong. I think it was well thought out on her end, really.  She wasn't saying he couldn't have other classroom rewards, but she wanted to talk with you about what would be appropriate since paper airplanes were not.  What's wrong with that?

 

Personally, when my son was in 1st grade, I would've never promised him a reward like that (basketball game for " being good " ) at the end of the day b/c it would've been impossible for him to earn it and he would've been so focused on the reward that he wouldn't of been able to focus in class.  Rewards have never really worked for my son.  I would give him rewards, but I wouldn't tell him ahead of time or he would hyperfocus on them, usually lose them b/c he was distracted, and then melt down because he lost them.  What happens if your son messes up at 9am?  His whole day at school would be ruined, probably.   

 

From: Raina <my6lilguys@...>

Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 4:52:09 PMSubject: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~

 

Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP, (he was diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation overload causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in the schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing or helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to return to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.

After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to come and get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an eval for an IEP, principal states " I dont think he is suffering educationally " hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and fought and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told me he will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the office still!

(ok whole other story)So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and as you know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to his teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go with me to the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could make a paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers and school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor do they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:

Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton today. Let's change the wording for his behaviors from " being good " to doing his first grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for Ashton and all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now.

Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to go to JH basketball game with Mom. Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes. Playing with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't make possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First, promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure. Second, it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's talk about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.

Thanks,I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a paper airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to fly it just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this school as a month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his teacher bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..

The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in missing the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and I told him I would " try " no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good idea and I did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that day with cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost my great uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email about how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about the cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol little did they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha they did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes they just assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and that with a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to disneyland in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next 4 months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!

My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling things and now this.....HELP!!!!

-- -mommy to Emma, Becca, , , , and Leah

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I always go through the spec ed admin for any evaluation and/or IEP requests.

Maybe that's the way it is set up in MA but for both school systems that I dealt

with the principal is really not part of the IEP team.

BTW, when I was dealing with a difficult school system I documented everything

in writing including quick telephone conversations. I knew that I had to have

documentation if I ever had to go to mediation (3x) or a court hearing (moved

just before we went ahead with a hearing.) I had several huge notebooks (this

was before email) with all my documentation. Any letter requesting evaluations

went via certified mail so that I had documentation that the school received it.

Caroline

> >

> > Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.

> > Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP,

(he was diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with

aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation overload

causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in the

schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing or

helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to return

to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.

> >

> > After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to come

and get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an

eval for an IEP, principal states " I dont think he is suffering educationally "

hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and fought

and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told me he

will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the office

still!

> > (ok whole other story)

> >

> > So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and as

you know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to

his teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go with

me to the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could make

a paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers and

school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor do

they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:

> >

> > Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton

today. Let's change the wording for his behaviors from " being good " to doing

his first grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for

Ashton and all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right

now.

> > Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to

go to JH basketball game with Mom.

> > Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes.

Playing with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please

don't make possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior.

First, promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure.

Second, it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences,

let's talk about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree

upon.

> > Thanks,

> >

> >

> > I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a paper

airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to fly it

just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this school as a

month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his teacher

bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..

> >

> > The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in

missing the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and

I told him I would " try " no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good

idea and I did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that

day with cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost

my great uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in

our household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email

about how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about

the cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol little

did they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha

they did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes they

just assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and that

with a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to

disneyland in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the

next 4 months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!

> >

> > My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling

things and now this.....HELP!!!!

> >

>

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I dont know that I'd even want that teacher for my NT child.

 

After working with an advocate last year (and will be this year as well).  A couple things stand out to me.  1st if he is in the office he is not receiving a fape, it doesnt matter what they have to do, even if they have to expedite the evals and iep, he cant be in the office that much b/c he is being denied fape which is protected under federal law (my dd was in the office a lot last year so I know very well about this).  Noone knows about as, well does the district have an autism specialist?  our school doesnt have one but uor district has one the special ed teachers can consult with.  with an autism rate of 1 in 110 I have to imagine the special ed/resource teachers have seen an as or 2 in their time.  how big is the school?  does it have a resourse teacher and room?  is there more than 1 1st grade teacher?  you are only half way through the year and having started off on such a bad foot with this teacher yuo may just need to switch him to another teacher to give him a fresh start or you may be out of luck.  I was told this last year and kept wanting to give the teachers tyhe benefit of the doubt, a chance, etc and figured I could tough out the year.  i so very much regret that I didnt have her changed.  i dont care if it would have created feelings anywhere, she needed a fresh start.  also the going to the office so much created a very bad habit that my advocate said would be 100 xs harder to break but by then it was too late, I didnt even know she was going so much at first b/c noone told me.  once I learned the habit was already created so she was willing to do what she had to to go to the office b/c she liked being in the office, she hated that classroom that much.  now it is taking up so much of the following year just to break that bad habit.

On Mon, Nov 15, 2010 at 11:44 PM, Raina <my6lilguys@...> wrote:

 

Right after her last letter I wrote her back and explained that I did not mean he wanted to make a paper airplane in class and that I feel he is suffering in school and not getting the help he needs in return she responded with this:

Ashton did not do his first grade job today. Several times today, he walked out of class without permission which means that I don't know where he is, the office doesn't know where he is and he is not safe. He knows when he leaves my classroom that he needs a note in his hand stating his intention and destination.

During lunch, he was found in the hallway outside my classroom door. He had refused to eat lunch. He then went to the office and was told a direction which he didn't follow and was found in the hallway under the water fountain. None of these behaviors are acceptable or safe.

He refused to go to Workshop at the end of the day but went for a few minutes after Mrs. Sweet talked with him. He did not complete any of his Classroom work in reading or math today. He went late to Morning work with Mrs. because he refused at first.

He went late to Music, causing me a problem, because I had to take him to Music separately from the rest of class.He refused to do Daily 5, his favorite part of school, because he didn't like his partner which is not acceptable.

Maybe I am just overprotective as these school officials have already admitted to me they do not have any knowledge nor anyone on staff that knows anything about ASD so therefore I am sooo angry that I am doing all of this research and trying to help him along by behavior charts, diversion, etc...and in return I get emails from an uneducated teacher about how to handle my AS son!

>

> I don't think the letter the teacher sent in response to you was wrong. I think > it was well thought out on her end, really.  She wasn't saying he couldn't have

> other classroom rewards, but she wanted to talk with you about what would be > appropriate since paper airplanes were not.  What's wrong with that?> > Personally, when my son was in 1st grade, I would've never promised him a reward

> like that (basketball game for " being good " ) at the end of the day b/c it

> would've been impossible for him to earn it and he would've been so focused on > the reward that he wouldn't of been able to focus in class.  Rewards have never > really worked for my son.  I would give him rewards, but I wouldn't tell him

> ahead of time or he would hyperfocus on them, usually lose them b/c he was > distracted, and then melt down because he lost them.  What happens if your > son messes up at 9am?  His whole day at school would be ruined, probably.   

> > > > > > ________________________________> From: Raina <my6lilguys@...>

> > Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 4:52:09 PM> Subject: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~

> >  

> Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.> Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP, (he was > diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with

> aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation overload > causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in the > schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing or

> helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to return > to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.> > After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to come and

> get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an eval > for an IEP, principal states " I dont think he is suffering educationally " > hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and fought

> and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told me he > will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the office > still! > > (ok whole other story)

> > So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and as you > know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to his > teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go with me to

> the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could make a > paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers and > school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor do

> they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:> > Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton today. > Let's change the wording for his behaviors from " being good " to doing his first

> grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for Ashton and > all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now. > > Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to go to

> JH basketball game with Mom. > > Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes. Playing > with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't make

> possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First, > promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure. Second, > it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's talk

> about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.> Thanks,> > I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a paper > airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to fly it

> just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this school as a > month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his teacher > bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..

> > The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in missing > the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and I told > him I would " try " no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good idea and I

> did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that day with > cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost my great > uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our

> household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email about > how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about the > cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol little did

> they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha they > did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes they just > assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and that with

> a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to disneyland > in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next 4 > months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!

> > My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling > things and now this.....HELP!!!!>

-- -mommy to Emma, Becca, , , , and Leah

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I dont know if its federal but here I know they have 30 days to respond.  However the part that gets us every time is they agree to the evaluation in those 30 days but dawdle about getting us the permission to evaluate to sign and the 60 day timeline to evaluate doesnt start until that is signed, not from date the request is received in writing.  so what we do is we give them a week or so, no permission to evaluate and I EMAIL them.  they know email leaves a paper trail.  a phone call may not be returned for a week, an email is returned within 24 hrs.  sometimes they call me about an email and then to cta they will reiterate our phone conversation in an email response so they have a paper trail.  when I have had the worst times I have called the spec ed director for the district, she returns calls within a day, however she I have found may get them moving faster but she is hard to talk to b/c it seems like all she does is make excuses for the school.  so instead I like to cc her on emails I need handled asap.  they see the cc (so I use cc and not bcc) and I usually have that permission to evaluate that same day.  of course they then wait a good 3 wks to start the evals so then that last week they are running around like chickens with their heads cut off to get the last of everything done before the 60 day mark.

 

last year I kept wanting to avoid making enemies b/c I figured id get nowhere then.  in reality i needed to worry less about that and more about the facts.  avoid making really bad enemies by letting feelings and opinions come out in your speaking but do know th efacts, the law and matter of factly state any of that as a reminder to them to get what you need done,

On Mon, Nov 15, 2010 at 8:37 PM, <doyourecycle@...> wrote:

 

Have you made any requests in writing to the principal for evals? If so, include them and then send the spec. ed. director a letter using the information that you gave, but specifically that your son has missed 45 days of school instruction due to the school's inability to appropriately help him. In this letter it would be great if you could have actual dates in your records to put in the letter. The more documentation you have the better you will fare.

You need to step it up and I think bypass the principal altogether and address the special ed. director at this point in asking for an evaluation. Also, as a side note, I would look at your state's DOE site and read what you can find about evals and the regulations around them. You really gotta learn this stuff to fight the fight. ** It just dawned on me that if you have already made a formal request the school could be in trouble if they have not provided you with a formal response. Can anyone chime in here?

Also, as a small sidebar, your promising to take your son to a bball game or whatever, I would not intertwine school behavior and home rewards. Your son sounds like he's in crisis mode and he will probably not be able to hold it together in that school on a regular basis so I wouldn't try to set him up to maybe not earn a reward.

Also, fwiw, I still don't know what, " good behavior " or " 1st grade behavior " is. I think if you want to reward your son do it for behaviors YOU can see and observe, but be explicitly specific like: If you do not hit your brother when you play catch you can have a cookie. Or, if you don't yell or scream at the store, I will take you to the park for 20 minutes. If you yell or scream, we will go directly home instead.

Also, it's helpful for our kids if you make a rule or change things around from the way you typically do things, to give your son a good 3 to 5 days to understand the new rule before it's implemented. For instance: The rule is that if you brush your teeth and put on your pajamas at 7:00 then you can have 20 minutes of play time in your room. Do not implement the rule until your child can recite it to you and can answer questions on the rule. This way conflict really does diminish. It's been very helpful to our family.

>> Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.

> Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP, (he was diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation overload causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in the schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing or helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to return to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.

> > After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to come and get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an eval for an IEP, principal states " I dont think he is suffering educationally " hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and fought and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told me he will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the office still!

> (ok whole other story)> > So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and as you know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to his teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go with me to the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could make a paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers and school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor do they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:

> > Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton today. Let's change the wording for his behaviors from " being good " to doing his first grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for Ashton and all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now.

> Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to go to JH basketball game with Mom. > Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes. Playing with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't make possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First, promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure. Second, it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's talk about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.

> Thanks,> > > I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a paper airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to fly it just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this school as a month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his teacher bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..

> > The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in missing the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and I told him I would " try " no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good idea and I did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that day with cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost my great uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email about how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about the cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol little did they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha they did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes they just assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and that with a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to disneyland in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next 4 months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!

> > My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling things and now this.....HELP!!!!>

-- -mommy to Emma, Becca, , , , and Leah

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I actually see the teacher's point. Before you get upset with me, just listen! She is attempting to put together a plan for behavior, however well it's working out. She is trying to include what you are trying to do in a way that works for her at the school, which is what you want. She is trying to make you aware of the part of your note that would not work for her at school. She promises that you can get together to discuss possible rewards that will work for you both. So she is planning to cooperate with you. All of that is positive really.

As for the airplane, you say he could fly that airplane during recess. But she knows she will be spending the day telling him to put the airplane away and it will become a major distraction. Not to mention the problem when all the other kids decide they too want an airplane to play with during class. lol. So I don't blame her for saying "no" to the airplane. I would too.

I think the school has been so unhelpful to you that you are automatically designed now to take things badly from them. I understand how that works and have done it myself at times! They wear you down and pretty soon, you see everything they do as a way to cause problems. And sometimes you are right. I'm not saying anyone is wrong or "right" in this. I think by sharing what you are dealing with, others can share a different perspective when they see it. All that can help you sort it out.

First, I would not use bribery to get him to do anything. It may work in the short term, but it won't teach him the skills he needs to get along in the world. Plus, you will have to keep coming up with prizes and what happens when he doesn't want the prize you offer? His cooperation will soon be all about what he is going to get for doing it. I know why you do it - we all have done it at some point. And these kids can be really tough. So it's better not to make it the primary way to gain his cooperation.

There are a variety of ways you can work on behavior that would move the focus off the prize and on to the behavior. First, though, with the teacher - she is right when she says you need to make the behavior specific. Remember that cartoon where the kid is sitting on Santa's lap and says, "Define good."? It's funny but it is also true with kids who have behavior issues. You have to define good and be specific. You can also measure specific behavioral tasks, which is important, as opposed to "define good." What is "being good" to him may not be "being good" to the teacher. And he is going to flip out when he works his butt off all day to be "good" and teacher has a different opinion. So it is best not only for the teacher, but him and you as well. Think about it this way, suppose he is good all day but the last hour of school, he flips out. Teacher reports he did not earn his prize for being good and you are left with a screaming kid all night. He may have felt justified in what happened as well, making the situation even worse for him. (perhaps someone teased him and he exploded or he made a mistake in math and got angry with everyone, or whatever.) By saying he will complete his classroom job, you have a specific behavior you are targeting and he also will know what is expected of him. And it's easy to judge whether he did that or not. So anytime you focus on a behavior, you want to name it and teach the skill to him, then determine how to measure whether he is doing it or not doing it.

There are some different behavior systems out there. You need to figure out one that works with your child's specific needs. Some schools do colors or numbers to rate behavior all day (moving a child from green to red, for instance, if they misbehave). I would bet your kid will not work well with such a set up. He will spend most of his time on "red" or the lowest number with no clue as to why, eventually stop caring how he got there and give up. It would be better to have a "functional behavior assessment" done (FBA) to list the problems he is having and why he is having those problems. I worry that they might do a crappy FBA and blame him for all his problems. That wouldn't be helpful. So you would need to argue for someone who knows autism to come in and do the FBA.

If you are having a hard time just getting an IEP going, they may laugh at your request for an FBA. You need to start putting everything in writing and then plan to go up the food chain if you are not getting anywhere. Keep all notes and requests for your records. Document everything that is going on but in a very low key way. A child who is out of class that much really requires an FBA and if the principal is unaware of the laws, you need to find the director of sped for your district and talk to that person.

You should look up your parent information network for your state - or state parent advocacy group. The names can vary from state to state. You can find a parent advocate to help you sort out the problems at the school. It can really help because your problems seem to be complicated by a long period of distrust with the school and the principal doesn't seem to be cooperative in helping you either. Sometimes having someone from the state come in and let them know the "rules" they have to play by can really help. The staff may really not be aware of what they are required to be doing. Or they may just work hard to keep the status quo and not provide what is required. But either way, you will probably get farther with some help.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~

Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.

Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP, (he was diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation overload causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in the schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing or helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to return to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.

After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to come and get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an eval for an IEP, principal states "I dont think he is suffering educationally" hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and fought and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told me he will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the office still!

(ok whole other story)

So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and as you know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to his teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go with me to the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could make a paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers and school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor do they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:

Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton today. Let's change the wording for his behaviors from "being good" to doing his first grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for Ashton and all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now.

Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to go to JH basketball game with Mom.

Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes. Playing with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't make possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First, promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure. Second, it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's talk about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.

Thanks,

I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a paper airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to fly it just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this school as a month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his teacher bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..

The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in missing the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and I told him I would "try" no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good idea and I did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that day with cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost my great uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email about how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about the cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol little did they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha they did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes they just assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and that with a child with ashtons difficulties

you could tell him you are going to disneyland in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next 4 months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!

My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling things and now this.....HELP!!!!

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These letters used to make me absolutely CRAZY!!!!! AUGHHH.

A year later or so, we started homeschooling and haven't looked back. It became easier to home school, do it all myself, etc. than to deal with the school!!!

My son is 15 and we have two classes left of high school for this year, two classes for next year, and he is happy at community college taking one calm, quiet, structured class of his interest at a time.

I so absolutely could not stand these letters and they make be nauseated still years later when I read them.

( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~> > Â > Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.> Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP, (he was > diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with > aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation overload > causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in the > schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing or > helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to return > to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.> > After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to come and > get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an eval > for an IEP, principal states "I dont think he is suffering educationally" > hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and fought > and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told me he > will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the office > still! > > (ok whole other story)> > So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and as you > know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to his > teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go with me to > the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could make a > paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers and > school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor do > they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:> > Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton today. > Let's change the wording for his behaviors from "being good" to doing his first > grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for Ashton and > all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now. > > Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to go to > JH basketball game with Mom. > > Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes. Playing > with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't make > possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First, > promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure. Second, > it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's talk > about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.> Thanks,> > I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a paper > airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to fly it > just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this school as a > month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his teacher > bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..> > The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in missing > the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and I told > him I would "try" no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good idea and I > did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that day with > cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost my great > uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our > household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email about > how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about the > cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol little did > they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha they > did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes they just > assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and that with > a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to disneyland > in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next 4 > months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!> > My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling > things and now this.....HELP!!!!>

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Oh Raina,

I'm sorry for you. That first letter you posted sure didn't sound bad, I bet, to most of us. But,,,,,now you showing us the other one....yikes.

Her response to you PROVED that he needs intervention......and understanding. His teacher has really helped your "case" without even realizing it!!!!

Can't she see that THAT'S your point? Ugh..........

Since you are getting nowhere with her (or the school?), maybe it's time to contact your local or States' Autism Society for help.

I've emailed ours before - just for advice. They may be able to point you in the right direction. Just GOOGLE.....Autism Society of "your state".......

Hugs to you.......

Robin

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY

WHAT YOU DID OR WHAT YOU SAID,

BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER

HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL

From: Raina <my6lilguys@...>Subject: Re: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~ Date: Monday, November 15, 2010, 10:44 PM

Right after her last letter I wrote her back and explained that I did not mean he wanted to make a paper airplane in class and that I feel he is suffering in school and not getting the help he needs in return she responded with this:Ashton did not do his first grade job today. Several times today, he walked out of class without permission which means that I don't know where he is, the office doesn't know where he is and he is not safe. He knows when he leaves my classroom that he needs a note in his hand stating his intention and destination. During lunch, he was found in the hallway outside my classroom door. He had refused to eat lunch. He then went to the office and was told a direction which he didn't follow and was found in the hallway under the water fountain. None of these behaviors are acceptable or safe. He refused to go to Workshop at the end of the day but went for a few minutes after Mrs. Sweet talked with him. He

did not complete any of his Classroom work in reading or math today. He went late to Morning work with Mrs. because he refused at first. He went late to Music, causing me a problem, because I had to take him to Music separately from the rest of class.He refused to do Daily 5, his favorite part of school, because he didn't like his partner which is not acceptable. Maybe I am just overprotective as these school officials have already admitted to me they do not have any knowledge nor anyone on staff that knows anything about ASD so therefore I am sooo angry that I am doing all of this research and trying to help him along by behavior charts, diversion, etc...and in return I get emails from an uneducated teacher about how to handle my AS son! >> I don't think the letter the teacher sent in response to you was wrong. I think > it was well thought out on her end, really. She wasn't saying he couldn't have > other classroom rewards, but she wanted to talk with you about what would be > appropriate since paper airplanes were not. What's wrong with that?> > Personally, when my son was in 1st grade, I would've never promised him a reward > like that (basketball game for "being good") at the end of the day b/c it > would've been impossible for him to earn it and he would've been so focused on > the reward that he wouldn't of been able to focus in class. Rewards have never > really worked for my son. I would

give him rewards, but I wouldn't tell him > ahead of time or he would hyperfocus on them, usually lose them b/c he was > distracted, and then melt down because he lost them. What happens if your > son messes up at 9am? His whole day at school would be ruined, probably.   > > > > > > ________________________________> From: Raina <my6lilguys@...>> > Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 4:52:09 PM> Subject: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~> >  > Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.> Ashton is in 1st grade and while we

are still here fighting for an IEP, (he was > diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with > aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation overload > causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in the > schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing or > helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to return > to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.> > After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to come and > get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an eval > for an IEP, principal states "I dont think he is suffering educationally" > hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and fought > and NOW he is finally getting evaluated.

However they have already told me he > will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the office > still! > > (ok whole other story)> > So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and as you > know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to his > teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go with me to > the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could make a > paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers and > school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor do > they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:> > Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton today. > Let's change the wording for his behaviors from "being good" to doing his

first > grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for Ashton and > all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now. > > Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to go to > JH basketball game with Mom. > > Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes. Playing > with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't make > possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First, > promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure. Second, > it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's talk > about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.> Thanks,> > I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a paper > airplane

during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to fly it > just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this school as a > month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his teacher > bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..> > The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in missing > the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and I told > him I would "try" no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good idea and I > did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that day with > cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost my great > uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our > household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email about > how I

should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about the > cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol little did > they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha they > did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes they just > assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and that with > a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to disneyland > in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next 4 > months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!> > My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling > things and now this.....HELP!!!!>

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It's hard not to feel attacked when someone criticizes your child. But I can see it from the teacher's point, and at least she is communicating with you and giving you a lot of information. Your son is going to need a very detailed behavior plan to get him through each part of the day, if he has this many issues on a daily basis. Even if they are not educated in ASD, the teachers and principal know what a child needs to do to be functional at school. You have to start with the very basics, like staying in the classroom. You are really going to have to work with this school. And I think it helps to have more of a "team" mentality at least to start. You can offer suggestions, but also ask the teacher what she thinks needs to be done, and she will be more likely to work with you. This is for the short term, of course.

In the long term, your son will need an IEP, and some kind of support to help him be successful. Roxana had some very good points on that. I hope you can get things moving in the right direction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: Raina <my6lilguys@...>Subject: Re: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~ Date: Monday, November 15, 2010, 8:44 PM

Right after her last letter I wrote her back and explained that I did not mean he wanted to make a paper airplane in class and that I feel he is suffering in school and not getting the help he needs in return she responded with this:Ashton did not do his first grade job today. Several times today, he walked out of class without permission which means that I don't know where he is, the office doesn't know where he is and he is not safe. He knows when he leaves my classroom that he needs a note in his hand stating his intention and destination. During lunch, he was found in the hallway outside my classroom door. He had refused to eat lunch. He then went to the office and was told a direction which he didn't follow and was found in the hallway under the water fountain. None of these behaviors are acceptable or safe. He refused to go to Workshop at the end of the day but went for a few minutes after Mrs. Sweet talked with him. He

did not complete any of his Classroom work in reading or math today. He went late to Morning work with Mrs. because he refused at first. He went late to Music, causing me a problem, because I had to take him to Music separately from the rest of class.He refused to do Daily 5, his favorite part of school, because he didn't like his partner which is not acceptable. Maybe I am just overprotective as these school officials have already admitted to me they do not have any knowledge nor anyone on staff that knows anything about ASD so therefore I am sooo angry that I am doing all of this research and trying to help him along by behavior charts, diversion, etc...and in return I get emails from an uneducated teacher about how to handle my AS son! >> I don't think the letter the teacher sent in response to you was wrong. I think > it was well thought out on her end, really. She wasn't saying he couldn't have > other classroom rewards, but she wanted to talk with you about what would be > appropriate since paper airplanes were not. What's wrong with that?> > Personally, when my son was in 1st grade, I would've never promised him a reward > like that (basketball game for "being good") at the end of the day b/c it > would've been impossible for him to earn it and he would've been so focused on > the reward that he wouldn't of been able to focus in class. Rewards have never > really worked for my son. I would

give him rewards, but I wouldn't tell him > ahead of time or he would hyperfocus on them, usually lose them b/c he was > distracted, and then melt down because he lost them. What happens if your > son messes up at 9am? His whole day at school would be ruined, probably.   > > > > > > ________________________________> From: Raina <my6lilguys@...>> > Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 4:52:09 PM> Subject: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~> >  > Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.> Ashton is in 1st grade and while we

are still here fighting for an IEP, (he was > diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with > aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation overload > causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in the > schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing or > helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to return > to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.> > After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to come and > get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an eval > for an IEP, principal states "I dont think he is suffering educationally" > hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and fought > and NOW he is finally getting evaluated.

However they have already told me he > will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the office > still! > > (ok whole other story)> > So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and as you > know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to his > teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go with me to > the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could make a > paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers and > school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor do > they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:> > Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton today. > Let's change the wording for his behaviors from "being good" to doing his

first > grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for Ashton and > all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now. > > Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to go to > JH basketball game with Mom. > > Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes. Playing > with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't make > possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First, > promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure. Second, > it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's talk > about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.> Thanks,> > I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a paper > airplane

during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to fly it > just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this school as a > month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his teacher > bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..> > The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in missing > the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and I told > him I would "try" no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good idea and I > did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that day with > cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost my great > uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our > household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email about > how I

should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about the > cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol little did > they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha they > did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes they just > assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and that with > a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to disneyland > in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next 4 > months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!> > My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling > things and now this.....HELP!!!!>

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I didn't really see that she was telling you how to raise your son. I rather think she was telling you how best to work things with her. You sent the note to involve the school in your reward to him and if you do that, you will have to work with her. If you keep your rewards for behavior at home, then you set the rules yourself. But if you involved her, you can't get mad when she has input on it.

I actually love LOVE LOVE the note you got back from her. She is doing a lot of the leg work for you - documenting everything he had a problem with that one day. Can you imagine how much trouble he is having EVERY day? A lot! Now, you have documentation that he is having a lot of trouble. Whether they think it's because he is being obnoxious or not, is another discussion. But here you have a lot of documentation with which to request an FBA with.

You could also go in and talk to her - let her do all the talking. You just take notes. What's he doing, how is he different than the average kid in her class, when does he have problems? etc. The ones who thought my kid was just a brat did the most talking - as if they were proving their point to me. All the time I was milking them for information and using it later to get services.

Sometimes, I know, it is hard to read all the bad things. I was there before and got them too. It makes you want to slug someone. But on the other hand, it was great documentation by THEM. They can't say there isn't a problem because they wrote it down. Awesome for you in getting help put in place. Bypass teacher and principal and get an advocate. Then go to the director of sped and get things moving. Also, use their own thoughts against them. I mean, she says he is unsafe when he leaves the classroom without permission. That is a concern! So you will impress to the sped director that they are responsible for your child's safety and this is an unsafe situation - to get their involvement moving. I once had an argument (discussion?) with a vice principal who let me know my kid got into a fight and must be punished. He could do this again - was unpredictable - needed to learn! Well, I took him and raised the bar. He could do it again, so we need to A)protect him from the bully's so he isn't jumped into a fight or B) protect the other innocent kids from his fighting with them for no good reason. He got to pick which scenario he liked to believe best. I got a 1-1 aide for my ds.

Let us know how it's going.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~

>

> Â

> Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.

> Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP, (he was

> diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with

> aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation overload

> causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in the

> schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing or

> helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to return

> to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.

>

> After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to come and

> get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an eval

> for an IEP, principal states "I dont think he is suffering educationally"

> hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and fought

> and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told me he

> will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the office

> still!

>

> (ok whole other story)

>

> So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and as you

> know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to his

> teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go with me to

> the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could make a

> paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers and

> school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor do

> they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:

>

> Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton today.

> Let's change the wording for his behaviors from "being good" to doing his first

> grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for Ashton and

> all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now.

>

> Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to go to

> JH basketball game with Mom.

>

> Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes. Playing

> with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't make

> possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First,

> promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure. Second,

> it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's talk

> about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.

> Thanks,

>

> I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a paper

> airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to fly it

> just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this school as a

> month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his teacher

> bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..

>

> The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in missing

> the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and I told

> him I would "try" no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good idea and I

> did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that day with

> cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost my great

> uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our

> household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email about

> how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about the

> cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol little did

> they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha they

> did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes they just

> assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and that with

> a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to disneyland

> in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next 4

> months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!

>

> My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling

> things and now this.....HELP!!!!

>

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Thank you a million times over all of you for all of the wonderful advice I

appreciate it!

Ok so a little background Last year in kindergarden (right after he was

diagnosed with adhd and odd) after the first 2 weeks of school I was receiving

phone calls daily about Ashtons behavior and how they could not get him to

listen or follow directions, he would shut down and hide under the desk etc...so

the teacher would take him out of the classroom and put him in what they called

the " recovery/detention " room, where he would sit with a mean lady that sat in

her chair at the front of the room and do nothing. There he would melt down even

more as he head nothing to keep his attention he broke 3 pairs of his rx glasses

in a month as something to do and act out.

After getting phone call after phone call they would start calling me and

telling me he was acting out and they culd not control him (he would leave the

class as this is part of his meltdown he is too overstimulated and needed to

settle and refocus) he started not going to pe and music and finally no lunch as

well, as well as having accidents in class... After weeks of going and picking

him up from school I started doing some research and found out that he wuld

qualify for an IEP hands down.

I called a meeting with the principal (ok a little background on the school,

this is an extremely small school and my 6 kids alone bring in a TON of funding,

there are 2 grades per class and the junior high and high school are all

combined we are the only school in the district) my husband and I met with the

principal 2 hours then we had discussed as I had to reschedule, we came up with

the 504 plan making him exempt on pe, recess etc...we thought we were on the

right track as we have been at this district going on our 2nd year and have

always been soo praised on ur other kids and how wonderful they are as we like

the small community feel of things. As we wre leaving the office we noticed that

my sons kinder class lights were all off and my husband nticed my son sitting at

a desk ALONE (the folding doors to the other class were open and the teacher was

teaching in her room but my son was all alone in his class) OK this made my

husband FURIOUS!!!! so we sat with him and I read a book...low and behold 10

mins later here came his teacher and BOY did I surprise her she walked in and

her face immediately turned white and she said " mom and dad I thought you were

coming in earlier " and I said " no we rescheduled " she said oh I was just walking

the kids to PE and ashton stayed here...............UMMMMMM I think he would

have at least walked with you.

From there things just started to go downhill and I still being nice and not

wanting to be " that mom " I gave them the benefit of the doubt...Week after week

I would send him to school and know the phone wuld ring, week after week I would

listen to how horrible of a child he was. I was having a hard time at home as

well as I did not know how to control him so I was I guess sympathizing with the

school and giving in to go get him. He went to 5 days of school in Dec alone.

In October I made an appt to have him seen by a specialist in Seattle at an

autism clinic, as my pediatrician had said he believed the spectrum played a

role, in all of this. The problem is they are such a HUGE clinic and so many

kids needing evals it takes at least 6 mos of getting into see someone. week

after week I was asked by his teacher and principal, " any news yet when he can

be seen " as well as being asked weekly or daily " is he still taking meds (we

have been on a roller coaster ride 6 diff meds in a year) FINALLY!!!!!!

In april the call came and we drove 4 hours to seattle to be seen by an ARNP

where we had 3 hours of questions only to tell us she believed he fell on the

spectrum and she would consult one of her psychologists and get back to me about

a full eval HOWEVER this would take anywhere from 3 to 4 months AUGH!!!!!

So I trekked back to the school and reported what we found out. week after week

I had been asked if I had heard anythig yet, the end of may we called another

meeting where the principal in return told me that she did not think autism was

playing a role in his day to day behavior and that she felt it as all ODD and

referred back to his diagnosis from a behavior specialist the prior Sept, of

ADHD and ODD telling me she did not see anything about autism in their notes

UHHHHHH of course not they are a BEHAVIOR HEALTH clinic not an autism clinic. I

went home and called the ARNP and begged her to fax a letter stating ashton had

been seen and is awaiting a full eval, as I did not think the school was

believing me. So she did thank god!

Things continued the phone calls, being sent to the office at this point some

days he would have an accident and they would call me the first time I did this

I brought the clothes in and was absolutely amazed at where they had him sitting

(right by the office door not even in the nurses office) well he saw me and had

a breakdown wanting to go home...from then out I told them I would meet them at

the curb with his clothes (seriously I am smarter than that) As well as the

principal then started telling me I need to stop coming to get him as he needs

to know that even bad behavior he needs to stay at school and cannot go

home....I told her then not to call me unless it is an emergency! Please NOTE my

son has never hit, nor bitten, nor caused any bodily harm to anyone at school

whatsoever. just leaving class, running from them and a few choice names!

In June I had had enough and called the principal and once again asked for an

IEP, (I had been asking all year and the best she could do was a 504 refusing

the IEP) I was then told at that point she did not feel he was suffering

educatinally (missed 40 days of school and still did not know how to spell his

name) when asked if he could just have a para to redirect him or to divert him

in a meltdown I was told and I quote " we will not give that to him unless he

needs to be diapered or in a wheelchair we simply do not have the funding " I was

furious at getting no where.....

We live 25 mins from a fantastic town my kids have attended school where in the

district there are 4 diff schools alone and they all offer a fantastic special

ed program, at this point I was ready to pull him out which is what i think they

want BUT I will not just pull him I will pull all 6 of my boys resulting in a

HUGE loss of funding, I threw that at her up to this point I have been nothing

but nice up to this point and it has gotten me nowhere. I have done everything

they have asked me to do and then some!

In August we finally saw the psychologist and our prayers had been answered a

full autism spectrum diagnosis (299.0) I was soo happy and went straight to the

principal with the news (I emailed her) however her full report would not be

ready for a few weeks. a week before school the principal called me and wanted

to know if she could have a copy of the report and I in return told her I did

not have it yet she told me she needed it if we were to talk about an

IEP...AUGH!!! so I called my psychologist and she typed a letter with all of the

codes and all of the info and I hand delivered it!

The next day the principal calls me and says " we need the letter on script paper

and her DEA # " OMG!!! I called her once again and she informed me this was

ridiuclous and told me I was more patient than she could be and also said that

she is not an MD therefore she does not have a DEA# (she doesnt give meds) not

script paper "

The calls kept coming and even to come and get him started all over again even

at one point he was out of meds and we were waiting for his rx, the principal

asked him not to return till he had meds again!!!

At this point I had had enough!!! I went straight to the district office and

wrote a hand written letter to the HEAD of the special Ed dept. The next day she

called me and said " I am so glad you sent me a letter this is the first I am

hearing of ashton, we will be starting the Eval process within the next week,

have you sign papers and 30 days from there we have to evaluate him " BOOM!!!

finally!!!

When the full report came I skipped the principal and went straight to the head

of the dept. and turned them into her I have had alot of luck with her however

she is not the special ed teacher for our school (we only have one and she is

hardly ever in her office she is out doing other things) and I have viced my

dusgust and hurdles with her as well as the new letters that I have been

receiving. I want to deal strictly with her however she is als the vice

principal of the high school so a very busy lady! The principal asked me last

week about the full report and I told her I turned it in to Suzanne so she is

fully aware I am no longer going through her!

So there is the just of it and I think now you can see my frustrations I have

done everything I can do accomodate them and when I receive these letters It

makes my feeling to move my kids all the more strong....driving 20 minutes both

ways 2x a day in my opinion would be worth it, but I am also scared as we live

here and this is our home and my other kids have great friends here and we love

love love the community and families, and now I work out here! I am so torn and

I am also sooo sick of fighting! I have read law after law and consulted

advocates and such and from all of the feedback what I am doing is right!

The rewards for ashton are to merely get him on the bus to get to school as

often that is our biggest hurdle as he HATES school so much he will hide from me

to avoid the bus we have charts at home and I use them for just getting to

school is one section.

I tell him " good behavior " which in our home means no meltdowns and no running

away, the teacher uses " 1st grade work " BUT I do not use those words as I cannot

reach the moon if I cannot get to the stars...he doesnt even know how to spell

his name or know all of his alphabet if I tell him (or she does) that he will

get a reward for 1st grade work he knows its not possible so he will not try and

just give up!!! to me she is being unrealistic and refuses to see how far behind

he is! Instead they want to make him out to be this AWFUL child who is sooo

unbehaved he cant stay in class...instead of maybe the lights are too bright or

something is bothering him or its too chaotic I just feeling like I am setting

him up for failure keeping him here at this school, esp since I have been told

that even wit the IEP (signed papers on the 22nd of OCt and he has tested with

someone 2 times) he will still continue to go to the office and they will still

continue to say he is not struggling!!!

See my frustrations??

> > >

> > > I don't think the letter the teacher sent in response to you was wrong. I

> > think

> > > it was well thought out on her end, really. She wasn't saying he

> > couldn't have

> > > other classroom rewards, but she wanted to talk with you about what would

> > be

> > > appropriate since paper airplanes were not. What's wrong with that?

> > >

> > > Personally, when my son was in 1st grade, I would've never promised him

> > a reward

> > > like that (basketball game for " being good " ) at the end of the day b/c it

> >

> > > would've been impossible for him to earn it and he would've been so

> > focused on

> > > the reward that he wouldn't of been able to focus in class.Â

> > Rewards have never

> > > really worked for my son. I would give him rewards, but I wouldn't tell

> > him

> > > ahead of time or he would hyperfocus on them, usually lose them b/c he

> > was

> > > distracted, and then melt down because he lost them. What happens

> > if your

> > > son messes up at 9am? His whole day at school would be ruined,

> > probably.  Â

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > ________________________________

> > > From: Raina <my6lilguys@>

> > > < %40>

> > > Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 4:52:09 PM

> > > Subject: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~

> > >

> > > Â

> > > Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.

> > > Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP,

> > (he was

> > > diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with

> > > aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation

> > overload

> > > causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in

> > the

> > > schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing

> > or

> > > helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to

> > return

> > > to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.

> > >

> > > After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to

> > come and

> > > get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an

> > eval

> > > for an IEP, principal states " I dont think he is suffering educationally "

> >

> > > hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and

> > fought

> > > and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told

> > me he

> > > will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the

> > office

> > > still!

> > >

> > > (ok whole other story)

> > >

> > > So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and

> > as you

> > > know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to

> > his

> > > teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go

> > with me to

> > > the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could

> > make a

> > > paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers

> > and

> > > school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor

> > do

> > > they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:

> > >

> > > Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton

> > today.

> > > Let's change the wording for his behaviors from " being good " to doing his

> > first

> > > grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for

> > Ashton and

> > > all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now.

> > >

> > > Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to

> > go to

> > > JH basketball game with Mom.

> > >

> > > Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes.

> > Playing

> > > with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't

> > make

> > > possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First,

> > > promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure.

> > Second,

> > > it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's

> > talk

> > > about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.

> > > Thanks,

> > >

> > > I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a

> > paper

> > > airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to

> > fly it

> > > just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this

> > school as a

> > > month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his

> > teacher

> > > bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..

> > >

> > > The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in

> > missing

> > > the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and

> > I told

> > > him I would " try " no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good

> > idea and I

> > > did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that day

> > with

> > > cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost

> > my great

> > > uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our

> >

> > > household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email

> > about

> > > how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about

> > the

> > > cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol

> > little did

> > > they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha

> > they

> > > did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes

> > they just

> > > assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and

> > that with

> > > a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to

> > disneyland

> > > in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next

> > 4

> > > months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!

> > >

> > > My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are

> > handling

> > > things and now this.....HELP!!!!

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

> --

> -mommy to Emma, Becca, ,

> , , and Leah

>

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Posted
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If you have another option then my advice is to pull your son out of that school

even if the other option means a bit of a drive. Your experience sounds a lot

like mine when my son was in kindergarten and first grade. If this situation has

been going on for over one year then the school is not likely to change its

handling of your son or their attitude towards him. For your son's sake make the

change.

When my son was in 1st grade his teacher called him " unteachable " and

recommended that he be put in a life skills classroom. Most of my son's behavior

issues in her classroom were due to the fact that she didn't follow the IEP and

he would act up to get her attention (my independent observers report). Moving

to a new school district made a world of difference to my son and to my own

stress levels. I no longer had to fight the school on trying to get the

appropriate services for my son. The only comments from the teachers in our new

school district was how likeable a kid my son was and how bright he was. It was

a refreshing change.

Caroline

>

> Thank you a million times over all of you for all of the wonderful advice I

appreciate it!

>

> Ok so a little background Last year in kindergarden (right after he was

diagnosed with adhd and odd) after the first 2 weeks of school I was receiving

phone calls daily about Ashtons behavior and how they could not get him to

listen or follow directions, he would shut down and hide under the desk etc...so

the teacher would take him out of the classroom and put him in what they called

the " recovery/detention " room, where he would sit with a mean lady that sat in

her chair at the front of the room and do nothing. There he would melt down even

more as he head nothing to keep his attention he broke 3 pairs of his rx glasses

in a month as something to do and act out.

>

> After getting phone call after phone call they would start calling me and

telling me he was acting out and they culd not control him (he would leave the

class as this is part of his meltdown he is too overstimulated and needed to

settle and refocus) he started not going to pe and music and finally no lunch as

well, as well as having accidents in class... After weeks of going and picking

him up from school I started doing some research and found out that he wuld

qualify for an IEP hands down.

>

> I called a meeting with the principal (ok a little background on the school,

this is an extremely small school and my 6 kids alone bring in a TON of funding,

there are 2 grades per class and the junior high and high school are all

combined we are the only school in the district) my husband and I met with the

principal 2 hours then we had discussed as I had to reschedule, we came up with

the 504 plan making him exempt on pe, recess etc...we thought we were on the

right track as we have been at this district going on our 2nd year and have

always been soo praised on ur other kids and how wonderful they are as we like

the small community feel of things. As we wre leaving the office we noticed that

my sons kinder class lights were all off and my husband nticed my son sitting at

a desk ALONE (the folding doors to the other class were open and the teacher was

teaching in her room but my son was all alone in his class) OK this made my

husband FURIOUS!!!! so we sat with him and I read a book...low and behold 10

mins later here came his teacher and BOY did I surprise her she walked in and

her face immediately turned white and she said " mom and dad I thought you were

coming in earlier " and I said " no we rescheduled " she said oh I was just walking

the kids to PE and ashton stayed here...............UMMMMMM I think he would

have at least walked with you.

>

> From there things just started to go downhill and I still being nice and not

wanting to be " that mom " I gave them the benefit of the doubt...Week after week

I would send him to school and know the phone wuld ring, week after week I would

listen to how horrible of a child he was. I was having a hard time at home as

well as I did not know how to control him so I was I guess sympathizing with the

school and giving in to go get him. He went to 5 days of school in Dec alone.

>

> In October I made an appt to have him seen by a specialist in Seattle at an

autism clinic, as my pediatrician had said he believed the spectrum played a

role, in all of this. The problem is they are such a HUGE clinic and so many

kids needing evals it takes at least 6 mos of getting into see someone. week

after week I was asked by his teacher and principal, " any news yet when he can

be seen " as well as being asked weekly or daily " is he still taking meds (we

have been on a roller coaster ride 6 diff meds in a year) FINALLY!!!!!!

>

> In april the call came and we drove 4 hours to seattle to be seen by an ARNP

where we had 3 hours of questions only to tell us she believed he fell on the

spectrum and she would consult one of her psychologists and get back to me about

a full eval HOWEVER this would take anywhere from 3 to 4 months AUGH!!!!!

>

> So I trekked back to the school and reported what we found out. week after

week I had been asked if I had heard anythig yet, the end of may we called

another meeting where the principal in return told me that she did not think

autism was playing a role in his day to day behavior and that she felt it as all

ODD and referred back to his diagnosis from a behavior specialist the prior

Sept, of ADHD and ODD telling me she did not see anything about autism in their

notes UHHHHHH of course not they are a BEHAVIOR HEALTH clinic not an autism

clinic. I went home and called the ARNP and begged her to fax a letter stating

ashton had been seen and is awaiting a full eval, as I did not think the school

was believing me. So she did thank god!

>

> Things continued the phone calls, being sent to the office at this point some

days he would have an accident and they would call me the first time I did this

I brought the clothes in and was absolutely amazed at where they had him sitting

(right by the office door not even in the nurses office) well he saw me and had

a breakdown wanting to go home...from then out I told them I would meet them at

the curb with his clothes (seriously I am smarter than that) As well as the

principal then started telling me I need to stop coming to get him as he needs

to know that even bad behavior he needs to stay at school and cannot go

home....I told her then not to call me unless it is an emergency! Please NOTE my

son has never hit, nor bitten, nor caused any bodily harm to anyone at school

whatsoever. just leaving class, running from them and a few choice names!

>

> In June I had had enough and called the principal and once again asked for an

IEP, (I had been asking all year and the best she could do was a 504 refusing

the IEP) I was then told at that point she did not feel he was suffering

educatinally (missed 40 days of school and still did not know how to spell his

name) when asked if he could just have a para to redirect him or to divert him

in a meltdown I was told and I quote " we will not give that to him unless he

needs to be diapered or in a wheelchair we simply do not have the funding " I was

furious at getting no where.....

>

> We live 25 mins from a fantastic town my kids have attended school where in

the district there are 4 diff schools alone and they all offer a fantastic

special ed program, at this point I was ready to pull him out which is what i

think they want BUT I will not just pull him I will pull all 6 of my boys

resulting in a HUGE loss of funding, I threw that at her up to this point I have

been nothing but nice up to this point and it has gotten me nowhere. I have done

everything they have asked me to do and then some!

>

> In August we finally saw the psychologist and our prayers had been answered a

full autism spectrum diagnosis (299.0) I was soo happy and went straight to the

principal with the news (I emailed her) however her full report would not be

ready for a few weeks. a week before school the principal called me and wanted

to know if she could have a copy of the report and I in return told her I did

not have it yet she told me she needed it if we were to talk about an

IEP...AUGH!!! so I called my psychologist and she typed a letter with all of the

codes and all of the info and I hand delivered it!

>

> The next day the principal calls me and says " we need the letter on script

paper and her DEA # " OMG!!! I called her once again and she informed me this was

ridiuclous and told me I was more patient than she could be and also said that

she is not an MD therefore she does not have a DEA# (she doesnt give meds) not

script paper "

> The calls kept coming and even to come and get him started all over again even

at one point he was out of meds and we were waiting for his rx, the principal

asked him not to return till he had meds again!!!

>

> At this point I had had enough!!! I went straight to the district office and

wrote a hand written letter to the HEAD of the special Ed dept. The next day she

called me and said " I am so glad you sent me a letter this is the first I am

hearing of ashton, we will be starting the Eval process within the next week,

have you sign papers and 30 days from there we have to evaluate him " BOOM!!!

finally!!!

>

> When the full report came I skipped the principal and went straight to the

head of the dept. and turned them into her I have had alot of luck with her

however she is not the special ed teacher for our school (we only have one and

she is hardly ever in her office she is out doing other things) and I have viced

my dusgust and hurdles with her as well as the new letters that I have been

receiving. I want to deal strictly with her however she is als the vice

principal of the high school so a very busy lady! The principal asked me last

week about the full report and I told her I turned it in to Suzanne so she is

fully aware I am no longer going through her!

>

>

> So there is the just of it and I think now you can see my frustrations I have

done everything I can do accomodate them and when I receive these letters It

makes my feeling to move my kids all the more strong....driving 20 minutes both

ways 2x a day in my opinion would be worth it, but I am also scared as we live

here and this is our home and my other kids have great friends here and we love

love love the community and families, and now I work out here! I am so torn and

I am also sooo sick of fighting! I have read law after law and consulted

advocates and such and from all of the feedback what I am doing is right!

>

> The rewards for ashton are to merely get him on the bus to get to school as

often that is our biggest hurdle as he HATES school so much he will hide from me

to avoid the bus we have charts at home and I use them for just getting to

school is one section.

>

> I tell him " good behavior " which in our home means no meltdowns and no running

away, the teacher uses " 1st grade work " BUT I do not use those words as I cannot

reach the moon if I cannot get to the stars...he doesnt even know how to spell

his name or know all of his alphabet if I tell him (or she does) that he will

get a reward for 1st grade work he knows its not possible so he will not try and

just give up!!! to me she is being unrealistic and refuses to see how far behind

he is! Instead they want to make him out to be this AWFUL child who is sooo

unbehaved he cant stay in class...instead of maybe the lights are too bright or

something is bothering him or its too chaotic I just feeling like I am setting

him up for failure keeping him here at this school, esp since I have been told

that even wit the IEP (signed papers on the 22nd of OCt and he has tested with

someone 2 times) he will still continue to go to the office and they will still

continue to say he is not struggling!!!

>

> See my frustrations??

>

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Raina,

First,,,,,I gotta say that I've fought a lot for different things over the years. I've also wished that I'd fought more for certain things.

There are also things that I've given up on and simply moved on from. One of them being when I had enough and yanked my son OUT and had him do a Virtual School for 2 years.My heart is breaking for you......but especially for your son.

If he was mine, we'd be out of that school.....all of the kids. I'm not saying to Home school or to do a Virtual, but the bottom line is that it's not working......right?

There are parents who fight and fight and I'm in awe of them. They are admirable. For me, when it got to the point of no learning taking place....and wondering how my son would make it through the day....that was it.

I worried more about his mental well-being than his academic health. Learning can take place anywhere.

Your story is crushing....and you're doing soooo beyond what most would do!! You should be congratulated!! What an amazing mom!!! You can hear your love for him.

I wish I could sit back with you, have a cup of coffee and hug you. I'm sure we'd be bawling.

Two of my other kids have (1) processing issues/ADD and (2) sensory issues and other multiple learning issues now being checked into......and I swear, I WIlL NOT go through years of trying and trying and coming in and trying to "fix",,,,and worrying.....and doing work for 3 hours a night, etc. I remember how life changed for all of us when we brought Ian home for school and how he changed and was happy..........and I'll do it for those 2, as well, if the crap starts to hit the fan with them.

So,,,,,hugs to you. Follow your heart. You know your son. Fight it all until you don't want to, anymore. Explore all options.

Robin

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY

WHAT YOU DID OR WHAT YOU SAID,

BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER

HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL

From: Raina <my6lilguys@...>Subject: Re: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~ Date: Tuesday, November 16, 2010, 12:49 PM

Thank you a million times over all of you for all of the wonderful advice I appreciate it! Ok so a little background Last year in kindergarden (right after he was diagnosed with adhd and odd) after the first 2 weeks of school I was receiving phone calls daily about Ashtons behavior and how they could not get him to listen or follow directions, he would shut down and hide under the desk etc...so the teacher would take him out of the classroom and put him in what they called the "recovery/detention" room, where he would sit with a mean lady that sat in her chair at the front of the room and do nothing. There he would melt down even more as he head nothing to keep his attention he broke 3 pairs of his rx glasses in a month as something to do and act out.After getting phone call after phone call they would start calling me and telling me he was acting out and they culd not control him (he would leave the class as this is part of his

meltdown he is too overstimulated and needed to settle and refocus) he started not going to pe and music and finally no lunch as well, as well as having accidents in class... After weeks of going and picking him up from school I started doing some research and found out that he wuld qualify for an IEP hands down. I called a meeting with the principal (ok a little background on the school, this is an extremely small school and my 6 kids alone bring in a TON of funding, there are 2 grades per class and the junior high and high school are all combined we are the only school in the district) my husband and I met with the principal 2 hours then we had discussed as I had to reschedule, we came up with the 504 plan making him exempt on pe, recess etc...we thought we were on the right track as we have been at this district going on our 2nd year and have always been soo praised on ur other kids and how wonderful they are as we like the small community

feel of things. As we wre leaving the office we noticed that my sons kinder class lights were all off and my husband nticed my son sitting at a desk ALONE (the folding doors to the other class were open and the teacher was teaching in her room but my son was all alone in his class) OK this made my husband FURIOUS!!!! so we sat with him and I read a book...low and behold 10 mins later here came his teacher and BOY did I surprise her she walked in and her face immediately turned white and she said "mom and dad I thought you were coming in earlier" and I said "no we rescheduled" she said oh I was just walking the kids to PE and ashton stayed here...............UMMMMMM I think he would have at least walked with you.From there things just started to go downhill and I still being nice and not wanting to be "that mom" I gave them the benefit of the doubt...Week after week I would send him to school and know the phone wuld ring, week after week I would

listen to how horrible of a child he was. I was having a hard time at home as well as I did not know how to control him so I was I guess sympathizing with the school and giving in to go get him. He went to 5 days of school in Dec alone. In October I made an appt to have him seen by a specialist in Seattle at an autism clinic, as my pediatrician had said he believed the spectrum played a role, in all of this. The problem is they are such a HUGE clinic and so many kids needing evals it takes at least 6 mos of getting into see someone. week after week I was asked by his teacher and principal, "any news yet when he can be seen" as well as being asked weekly or daily " is he still taking meds (we have been on a roller coaster ride 6 diff meds in a year) FINALLY!!!!!! In april the call came and we drove 4 hours to seattle to be seen by an ARNP where we had 3 hours of questions only to tell us she believed he fell on the spectrum and she would

consult one of her psychologists and get back to me about a full eval HOWEVER this would take anywhere from 3 to 4 months AUGH!!!!! So I trekked back to the school and reported what we found out. week after week I had been asked if I had heard anythig yet, the end of may we called another meeting where the principal in return told me that she did not think autism was playing a role in his day to day behavior and that she felt it as all ODD and referred back to his diagnosis from a behavior specialist the prior Sept, of ADHD and ODD telling me she did not see anything about autism in their notes UHHHHHH of course not they are a BEHAVIOR HEALTH clinic not an autism clinic. I went home and called the ARNP and begged her to fax a letter stating ashton had been seen and is awaiting a full eval, as I did not think the school was believing me. So she did thank god!Things continued the phone calls, being sent to the office at this point some

days he would have an accident and they would call me the first time I did this I brought the clothes in and was absolutely amazed at where they had him sitting (right by the office door not even in the nurses office) well he saw me and had a breakdown wanting to go home...from then out I told them I would meet them at the curb with his clothes (seriously I am smarter than that) As well as the principal then started telling me I need to stop coming to get him as he needs to know that even bad behavior he needs to stay at school and cannot go home....I told her then not to call me unless it is an emergency! Please NOTE my son has never hit, nor bitten, nor caused any bodily harm to anyone at school whatsoever. just leaving class, running from them and a few choice names! In June I had had enough and called the principal and once again asked for an IEP, (I had been asking all year and the best she could do was a 504 refusing the IEP) I was then

told at that point she did not feel he was suffering educatinally (missed 40 days of school and still did not know how to spell his name) when asked if he could just have a para to redirect him or to divert him in a meltdown I was told and I quote "we will not give that to him unless he needs to be diapered or in a wheelchair we simply do not have the funding" I was furious at getting no where.....We live 25 mins from a fantastic town my kids have attended school where in the district there are 4 diff schools alone and they all offer a fantastic special ed program, at this point I was ready to pull him out which is what i think they want BUT I will not just pull him I will pull all 6 of my boys resulting in a HUGE loss of funding, I threw that at her up to this point I have been nothing but nice up to this point and it has gotten me nowhere. I have done everything they have asked me to do and then some!In August we finally saw the

psychologist and our prayers had been answered a full autism spectrum diagnosis (299.0) I was soo happy and went straight to the principal with the news (I emailed her) however her full report would not be ready for a few weeks. a week before school the principal called me and wanted to know if she could have a copy of the report and I in return told her I did not have it yet she told me she needed it if we were to talk about an IEP...AUGH!!! so I called my psychologist and she typed a letter with all of the codes and all of the info and I hand delivered it!The next day the principal calls me and says "we need the letter on script paper and her DEA #" OMG!!! I called her once again and she informed me this was ridiuclous and told me I was more patient than she could be and also said that she is not an MD therefore she does not have a DEA# (she doesnt give meds) not script paper"The calls kept coming and even to come and get him started all

over again even at one point he was out of meds and we were waiting for his rx, the principal asked him not to return till he had meds again!!!At this point I had had enough!!! I went straight to the district office and wrote a hand written letter to the HEAD of the special Ed dept. The next day she called me and said "I am so glad you sent me a letter this is the first I am hearing of ashton, we will be starting the Eval process within the next week, have you sign papers and 30 days from there we have to evaluate him" BOOM!!! finally!!! When the full report came I skipped the principal and went straight to the head of the dept. and turned them into her I have had alot of luck with her however she is not the special ed teacher for our school (we only have one and she is hardly ever in her office she is out doing other things) and I have viced my dusgust and hurdles with her as well as the new letters that I have been receiving. I want to

deal strictly with her however she is als the vice principal of the high school so a very busy lady! The principal asked me last week about the full report and I told her I turned it in to Suzanne so she is fully aware I am no longer going through her! So there is the just of it and I think now you can see my frustrations I have done everything I can do accomodate them and when I receive these letters It makes my feeling to move my kids all the more strong....driving 20 minutes both ways 2x a day in my opinion would be worth it, but I am also scared as we live here and this is our home and my other kids have great friends here and we love love love the community and families, and now I work out here! I am so torn and I am also sooo sick of fighting! I have read law after law and consulted advocates and such and from all of the feedback what I am doing is right! The rewards for ashton are to merely get him on the bus to get to school as

often that is our biggest hurdle as he HATES school so much he will hide from me to avoid the bus we have charts at home and I use them for just getting to school is one section. I tell him "good behavior" which in our home means no meltdowns and no running away, the teacher uses "1st grade work" BUT I do not use those words as I cannot reach the moon if I cannot get to the stars...he doesnt even know how to spell his name or know all of his alphabet if I tell him (or she does) that he will get a reward for 1st grade work he knows its not possible so he will not try and just give up!!! to me she is being unrealistic and refuses to see how far behind he is! Instead they want to make him out to be this AWFUL child who is sooo unbehaved he cant stay in class...instead of maybe the lights are too bright or something is bothering him or its too chaotic I just feeling like I am setting him up for failure keeping him here at this school, esp since I

have been told that even wit the IEP (signed papers on the 22nd of OCt and he has tested with someone 2 times) he will still continue to go to the office and they will still continue to say he is not struggling!!! See my frustrations??> > >> > > I don't think the letter the teacher sent in response to you was wrong. I> > think> > > it was well thought out on her end, really. She wasn't saying he> > couldn't have> > > other classroom rewards, but she wanted to talk with you about what would> > be> > > appropriate since paper airplanes were not. What's wrong with that?> > >> > > Personally, when my son was in 1st grade, I would've never promised him> > a reward> > > like that (basketball game for "being good") at the end of the day b/c

it> >> > > would've been impossible for him to earn it and he would've been so> > focused on> > > the reward that he wouldn't of been able to focus in class.Â> > Rewards have never> > > really worked for my son. I would give him rewards, but I wouldn't tell> > him> > > ahead of time or he would hyperfocus on them, usually lose them b/c he> > was> > > distracted, and then melt down because he lost them. What happens> > if your> > > son messes up at 9am? His whole day at school would be ruined,> > probably.  Â> > > > > >> > >> > >> > >> > > ________________________________> > > From: Raina <my6lilguys@>> > > < %40>> > > Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 4:52:09 PM> > > Subject: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~> > >> > > Â> > > Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.> > > Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP,> > (he was> > > diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with> > > aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation> > overload> > > causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in> > the> > > schools eyes is to send him to the

office where he sits and does nothing> > or> > > helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to> > return> > > to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.> > >> > > After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to> > come and> > > get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an> > eval> > > for an IEP, principal states "I dont think he is suffering educationally"> >> > > hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and> > fought> > > and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told> > me he> > > will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the> > office> > > still!> >

>> > > (ok whole other story)> > >> > > So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and> > as you> > > know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to> > his> > > teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go> > with me to> > > the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could> > make a> > > paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers> > and> > > school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor> > do> > > they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:> > >> > > Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton> > today.> > > Let's change

the wording for his behaviors from "being good" to doing his> > first> > > grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for> > Ashton and> > > all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now.> > >> > > Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to> > go to> > > JH basketball game with Mom.> > >> > > Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes.> > Playing> > > with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't> > make> > > possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First,> > > promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure.> > Second,> > > it is not something that you can follow through on. At

conferences, let's> > talk> > > about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.> > > Thanks,> > >> > > I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a> > paper> > > airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to> > fly it> > > just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this> > school as a> > > month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his> > teacher> > > bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..> > >> > > The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in> > missing> > > the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and> > I told> > > him I

would "try" no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good> > idea and I> > > did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that day> > with> > > cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost> > my great> > > uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our> >> > > household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email> > about> > > how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about> > the> > > cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol> > little did> > > they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha> > they> > > did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes> > they

just> > > assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and> > that with> > > a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to> > disneyland> > > in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next> > 4> > > months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!> > >> > > My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are> > handling> > > things and now this.....HELP!!!!> > >> >> > > >> > > > -- > -mommy to Emma, Becca, ,> , , and Leah>

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Posted
Posted

Seems like her approach is appropriate for a NT child but the expectations are

too rigid/high for your child, and IMHO his self esteem is going to suffer.

What is striking to me is that it is almost an admission of guilt on their part.

You've got a note from the teacher basically saying that don't have a working

behavior management plan, are intolerant of your child's behavior, and finally

that his safety is being compromised. I'd get an advocate and explain to the

higher ups that what they are doing clearly isn't working and they either need

to bring in a significant amount of support or find another placement.

Personally, if I had the option of moving one child to a better district, I'd

take it.

Like many others, I opted out by homeschooling.

-

> >

> > I don't think the letter the teacher sent in response to you was wrong. I

think

> > it was well thought out on her end, really.  She wasn't saying he couldn't

have

> > other classroom rewards, but she wanted to talk with you about what would be

> > appropriate since paper airplanes were not.  What's wrong with that?

> >

> > Personally, when my son was in 1st grade, I would've never promised him

a reward

> > like that (basketball game for " being good " ) at the end of the day b/c it

> > would've been impossible for him to earn it and he would've been so focused

on

> > the reward that he wouldn't of been able to focus in class. 

Rewards have never

> > really worked for my son.  I would give him rewards, but I wouldn't tell

him

> > ahead of time or he would hyperfocus on them, usually lose them b/c he was

> > distracted, and then melt down because he lost them.  What happens if your

> > son messes up at 9am?  His whole day at school would be ruined,

probably.   

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: Raina <my6lilguys@>

> >

> > Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 4:52:09 PM

> > Subject: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~

> >

> >  

> > Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.

> > Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP, (he

was

> > diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with

> > aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation

overload

> > causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in the

> > schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing or

> > helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to

return

> > to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.

> >

> > After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to come

and

> > get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an

eval

> > for an IEP, principal states " I dont think he is suffering educationally "

> > hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and

fought

> > and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told me

he

> > will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the office

> > still!

> >

> > (ok whole other story)

> >

> > So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and as

you

> > know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to

his

> > teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go with

me to

> > the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could make a

> > paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers and

> > school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor do

> > they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:

> >

> > Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton

today.

> > Let's change the wording for his behaviors from " being good " to doing his

first

> > grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for Ashton

and

> > all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now.

> >

> > Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to go

to

> > JH basketball game with Mom.

> >

> > Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes.

Playing

> > with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't

make

> > possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First,

> > promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure.

Second,

> > it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's

talk

> > about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.

> > Thanks,

> >

> > I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a paper

> > airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to fly

it

> > just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this school

as a

> > month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his teacher

> > bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..

> >

> > The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in

missing

> > the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and I

told

> > him I would " try " no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good idea

and I

> > did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that day with

> > cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost my

great

> > uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our

> > household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email

about

> > how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about the

> > cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol little

did

> > they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha

they

> > did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes they

just

> > assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and that

with

> > a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to

disneyland

> > in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next 4

> > months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!

> >

> > My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling

> > things and now this.....HELP!!!!

> >

>

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Oh Robin,

You are sooo sweet and I cannot even begin to tell you how wonderful your email made me feel, I read it to my husband and felt so at ease after reading it. I do wish we lived closer as I would LOVE to have coffee with you and chat about experiences and of course there would be crying.. but at least I could do it with the comfort of a friend.

Some days are sooo hard that all I do is cry and alot of nights it is crying myself to sleep :(

Thank you as well for the much appreciated info and help as well as everyone else who offered support and advice on my matter...I do however stand by one of the thoughts someone posted about my sons teacher and I think seriously hits the nail on the head.....She is just NOT qualified to teach my son, and in my heart I truly believe that.

With that said we have went forward and decided to start the kids at a new district and new school after thanksgiving. Tomorrow are school conferences and I am taking that opportunity to go in and tell all of the kids teacher during that time as well as voicing my true opinion to Ashtons teacher as I have held back for so long not wanting to make things any worse...

After speaking with the principal at another district yesterday I have never felt more confident as well as I know alot of the teachers and staff there and have been assured that he will not only have an IEP in a timely manner, he will also have the para educator one on one he so desperately needs!!

Since Ashtons diagnosis and all of the issues with him and school I have had some very very LOW days as our lives have been turned upside down in every way possibly known to man. And I have asked myself over and over, "why me, why did God think I was strong enough to handle this" when I feel so weak at times......And yesterday after writing the last letter to the group, a letter to our special ed administrator, and talking with a counselor....about all I have been through and all I have fought for in the past year and a half it hit me.........I am a fighter I always have been, I fight to the end until I get what I believe is fair or want, I dont give up easily. If I hadnt kept fighting he would not be getting evaluated at this point, I would not be spending my days from 4 am (when my husband leaves for work) till 11 am reading research online, laws and ways to help Ashton. I believe now that I was given Ashton because god knew no matter how hard he

is to deal with and how difficult my fight would be I would always always advocate and be here to make sure he is treated fairly!

I believe now that we ALL are given these children for a reason and I know somedays some of you may ask the same question to yourselves "why me"? and I truly think it is because we all have an inner strength it just takes some time to find it!!

I feel almost as if I am giving up by changing schools for Ashton however I have 5 other boys to worry about as if it was just Ashton I would stay and fight to the end, but I think that my fighting has already showed consequences on my other children as they are getting unfairly mistreated at school from staff as I also think Ashton is as well. This is the first time I have felt at ease about something and I really am confident this is the best decision I can make. I need to be finding ways to help Ashton at home and working on charts for him etc...not focused on helping him at school that is the schools job. I spend the majority of my day from the minute he walks out the door worrying when the phone will ring or when a new email is coming, reading laws about schools, finding info on ways to help him be at ease about school etc...when this needs to be his teachers job and she sits and does nothing!!! She had to google aspergers as did the principal,

what does that tell you???

Rest assured that even after Ashton moves schools and gets settled I have every intention on going to the school board with my letters and info etc...and I will see to it that NO ONE else ever has to go through what I have gone through! I will keep fighting that fight I guarantee it!!!

From: Raina <my6lilguys@...>Subject: Re: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~ Date: Tuesday, November 16, 2010, 12:49 PM

Thank you a million times over all of you for all of the wonderful advice I appreciate it! Ok so a little background Last year in kindergarden (right after he was diagnosed with adhd and odd) after the first 2 weeks of school I was receiving phone calls daily about Ashtons behavior and how they could not get him to listen or follow directions, he would shut down and hide under the desk etc...so the teacher would take him out of the classroom and put him in what they called the "recovery/detention" room, where he would sit with a mean lady that sat in her chair at the front of the room and do nothing. There he would melt down even more as he head nothing to keep his attention he broke 3 pairs of his rx glasses in a month as something to do and act out.After getting phone call after phone call they would start calling me and telling me he was acting out and they culd not control him (he would leave the class as this is part of his

meltdown he is too overstimulated and needed to settle and refocus) he started not going to pe and music and finally no lunch as well, as well as having accidents in class... After weeks of going and picking him up from school I started doing some research and found out that he wuld qualify for an IEP hands down. I called a meeting with the principal (ok a little background on the school, this is an extremely small school and my 6 kids alone bring in a TON of funding, there are 2 grades per class and the junior high and high school are all combined we are the only school in the district) my husband and I met with the principal 2 hours then we had discussed as I had to reschedule, we came up with the 504 plan making him exempt on pe, recess etc...we thought we were on the right track as we have been at this district going on our 2nd year and have always been soo praised on ur other kids and how wonderful they are as we like the small community

feel of things. As we wre leaving the office we noticed that my sons kinder class lights were all off and my husband nticed my son sitting at a desk ALONE (the folding doors to the other class were open and the teacher was teaching in her room but my son was all alone in his class) OK this made my husband FURIOUS!!!! so we sat with him and I read a book...low and behold 10 mins later here came his teacher and BOY did I surprise her she walked in and her face immediately turned white and she said "mom and dad I thought you were coming in earlier" and I said "no we rescheduled" she said oh I was just walking the kids to PE and ashton stayed here...............UMMMMMM I think he would have at least walked with you.From there things just started to go downhill and I still being nice and not wanting to be "that mom" I gave them the benefit of the doubt...Week after week I would send him to school and know the phone wuld ring, week after week I would

listen to how horrible of a child he was. I was having a hard time at home as well as I did not know how to control him so I was I guess sympathizing with the school and giving in to go get him. He went to 5 days of school in Dec alone. In October I made an appt to have him seen by a specialist in Seattle at an autism clinic, as my pediatrician had said he believed the spectrum played a role, in all of this. The problem is they are such a HUGE clinic and so many kids needing evals it takes at least 6 mos of getting into see someone. week after week I was asked by his teacher and principal, "any news yet when he can be seen" as well as being asked weekly or daily " is he still taking meds (we have been on a roller coaster ride 6 diff meds in a year) FINALLY!!!!!! In april the call came and we drove 4 hours to seattle to be seen by an ARNP where we had 3 hours of questions only to tell us she believed he fell on the spectrum and she would

consult one of her psychologists and get back to me about a full eval HOWEVER this would take anywhere from 3 to 4 months AUGH!!!!! So I trekked back to the school and reported what we found out. week after week I had been asked if I had heard anythig yet, the end of may we called another meeting where the principal in return told me that she did not think autism was playing a role in his day to day behavior and that she felt it as all ODD and referred back to his diagnosis from a behavior specialist the prior Sept, of ADHD and ODD telling me she did not see anything about autism in their notes UHHHHHH of course not they are a BEHAVIOR HEALTH clinic not an autism clinic. I went home and called the ARNP and begged her to fax a letter stating ashton had been seen and is awaiting a full eval, as I did not think the school was believing me. So she did thank god!Things continued the phone calls, being sent to the office at this point some

days he would have an accident and they would call me the first time I did this I brought the clothes in and was absolutely amazed at where they had him sitting (right by the office door not even in the nurses office) well he saw me and had a breakdown wanting to go home...from then out I told them I would meet them at the curb with his clothes (seriously I am smarter than that) As well as the principal then started telling me I need to stop coming to get him as he needs to know that even bad behavior he needs to stay at school and cannot go home....I told her then not to call me unless it is an emergency! Please NOTE my son has never hit, nor bitten, nor caused any bodily harm to anyone at school whatsoever. just leaving class, running from them and a few choice names! In June I had had enough and called the principal and once again asked for an IEP, (I had been asking all year and the best she could do was a 504 refusing the IEP) I was then

told at that point she did not feel he was suffering educatinally (missed 40 days of school and still did not know how to spell his name) when asked if he could just have a para to redirect him or to divert him in a meltdown I was told and I quote "we will not give that to him unless he needs to be diapered or in a wheelchair we simply do not have the funding" I was furious at getting no where.....We live 25 mins from a fantastic town my kids have attended school where in the district there are 4 diff schools alone and they all offer a fantastic special ed program, at this point I was ready to pull him out which is what i think they want BUT I will not just pull him I will pull all 6 of my boys resulting in a HUGE loss of funding, I threw that at her up to this point I have been nothing but nice up to this point and it has gotten me nowhere. I have done everything they have asked me to do and then some!In August we finally saw the

psychologist and our prayers had been answered a full autism spectrum diagnosis (299.0) I was soo happy and went straight to the principal with the news (I emailed her) however her full report would not be ready for a few weeks. a week before school the principal called me and wanted to know if she could have a copy of the report and I in return told her I did not have it yet she told me she needed it if we were to talk about an IEP...AUGH!!! so I called my psychologist and she typed a letter with all of the codes and all of the info and I hand delivered it!The next day the principal calls me and says "we need the letter on script paper and her DEA #" OMG!!! I called her once again and she informed me this was ridiuclous and told me I was more patient than she could be and also said that she is not an MD therefore she does not have a DEA# (she doesnt give meds) not script paper"The calls kept coming and even to come and get him started all

over again even at one point he was out of meds and we were waiting for his rx, the principal asked him not to return till he had meds again!!!At this point I had had enough!!! I went straight to the district office and wrote a hand written letter to the HEAD of the special Ed dept. The next day she called me and said "I am so glad you sent me a letter this is the first I am hearing of ashton, we will be starting the Eval process within the next week, have you sign papers and 30 days from there we have to evaluate him" BOOM!!! finally!!! When the full report came I skipped the principal and went straight to the head of the dept. and turned them into her I have had alot of luck with her however she is not the special ed teacher for our school (we only have one and she is hardly ever in her office she is out doing other things) and I have viced my dusgust and hurdles with her as well as the new letters that I have been receiving. I want to

deal strictly with her however she is als the vice principal of the high school so a very busy lady! The principal asked me last week about the full report and I told her I turned it in to Suzanne so she is fully aware I am no longer going through her! So there is the just of it and I think now you can see my frustrations I have done everything I can do accomodate them and when I receive these letters It makes my feeling to move my kids all the more strong....driving 20 minutes both ways 2x a day in my opinion would be worth it, but I am also scared as we live here and this is our home and my other kids have great friends here and we love love love the community and families, and now I work out here! I am so torn and I am also sooo sick of fighting! I have read law after law and consulted advocates and such and from all of the feedback what I am doing is right! The rewards for ashton are to merely get him on the bus to get to school as

often that is our biggest hurdle as he HATES school so much he will hide from me to avoid the bus we have charts at home and I use them for just getting to school is one section. I tell him "good behavior" which in our home means no meltdowns and no running away, the teacher uses "1st grade work" BUT I do not use those words as I cannot reach the moon if I cannot get to the stars...he doesnt even know how to spell his name or know all of his alphabet if I tell him (or she does) that he will get a reward for 1st grade work he knows its not possible so he will not try and just give up!!! to me she is being unrealistic and refuses to see how far behind he is! Instead they want to make him out to be this AWFUL child who is sooo unbehaved he cant stay in class...instead of maybe the lights are too bright or something is bothering him or its too chaotic I just feeling like I am setting him up for failure keeping him here at this school, esp since I

have been told that even wit the IEP (signed papers on the 22nd of OCt and he has tested with someone 2 times) he will still continue to go to the office and they will still continue to say he is not struggling!!! See my frustrations??> > >> > > I don't think the letter the teacher sent in response to you was wrong. I> > think> > > it was well thought out on her end, really. She wasn't saying he> > couldn't have> > > other classroom rewards, but she wanted to talk with you about what would> > be> > > appropriate since paper airplanes were not. What's wrong with that?> > >> > > Personally, when my son was in 1st grade, I would've never promised him> > a reward> > > like that (basketball game for "being good") at the end of the day b/c it> >> > > would've been

impossible for him to earn it and he would've been so> > focused on> > > the reward that he wouldn't of been able to focus in class.Â> > Rewards have never> > > really worked for my son. I would give him rewards, but I wouldn't tell> > him> > > ahead of time or he would hyperfocus on them, usually lose them b/c he> > was> > > distracted, and then melt down because he lost them. What happens> > if your> > > son messes up at 9am? His whole day at school would be ruined,> > probably.  Â> > > > > >> > >> > >> > >> > > ________________________________> > > From: Raina <my6lilguys@>> > > < %40>> > > Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 4:52:09 PM> > > Subject: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~> > >> > > Â> > > Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.> > > Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP,> > (he was> > > diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with> > > aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation> > overload> > > causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in> > the> > > schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing> > or> > > helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready

to> > return> > > to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.> > >> > > After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to> > come and> > > get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an> > eval> > > for an IEP, principal states "I dont think he is suffering educationally"> >> > > hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and> > fought> > > and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told> > me he> > > will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the> > office> > > still!> > >> > > (ok whole other story)> > >> > > So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with

him, and> > as you> > > know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to> > his> > > teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go> > with me to> > > the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could> > make a> > > paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers> > and> > > school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor> > do> > > they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:> > >> > > Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton> > today.> > > Let's change the wording for his behaviors from "being good" to doing his> > first> > > grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use

that wording for> > Ashton and> > > all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now.> > >> > > Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to> > go to> > > JH basketball game with Mom.> > >> > > Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes.> > Playing> > > with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't> > make> > > possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First,> > > promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure.> > Second,> > > it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's> > talk> > > about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.> > >

Thanks,> > >> > > I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a> > paper> > > airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to> > fly it> > > just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this> > school as a> > > month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his> > teacher> > > bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..> > >> > > The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in> > missing> > > the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and> > I told> > > him I would "try" no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good> > idea and I> > > did not want to make it worse well low and

behold he came home that day> > with> > > cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost> > my great> > > uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our> >> > > household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email> > about> > > how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about> > the> > > cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol> > little did> > > they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha> > they> > > did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes> > they just> > > assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and> > that with> > > a child with ashtons

difficulties you could tell him you are going to> > disneyland> > > in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next> > 4> > > months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!> > >> > > My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are> > handling> > > things and now this.....HELP!!!!> > >> >> > > >> > > > -- > -mommy to Emma, Becca, ,> , , and Leah>

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I agree with the point system or chart system. My son LOVES television and

playing video games. He is only alloted a certain amount of time each day. We

had implemented a tally system. First, we defined the behavior that would earn

him a tally mark. Then when we defined what the tally mark meant...a loss of

five minutes of his TV time. It worked very well for him and so the Children's

church began to use it (and it worked very well for them too). It is only

between the teacher and my son. She will just look at him, make sure he sees

her and she will mark on a sticky note one tally. He knows, She knows, but the

class doesn't know. Saves him some embarrassment which is one of my kiddo's

biggest fear. Then the teacher reports to me and we administer the consequence.

He knows that we are on his side but he also knows that we will support the

teacher too. This gives her a positive influence on him as she helps direct him

in the desired behavior. There have only been a few nights that he used all of

his TV time in tally's. - AND he can't earn the tally back...no amount of good

behavior can remove the mark. Once he has earned it, it is his. - Don't know if

this helps anyone else but it has helped us.

>

> >

> >

> > I don't think the letter the teacher sent in response to you was wrong. I

> > think it was well thought out on her end, really. She wasn't saying he

> > couldn't have other classroom rewards, but she wanted to talk with you about

> > what would be appropriate since paper airplanes were not. What's wrong with

> > that?

> >

> > Personally, when my son was in 1st grade, I would've never promised him

> > a reward like that (basketball game for " being good " ) at the end of the day

> > b/c it would've been impossible for him to earn it and he would've been so

> > focused on the reward that he wouldn't of been able to focus in class.

> > Rewards have never really worked for my son. I would give him rewards, but

> > I wouldn't tell him ahead of time or he would hyperfocus on them, usually

> > lose them b/c he was distracted, and then melt down because he lost them.

> > What happens if your son messes up at 9am? His whole day at school would

> > be ruined, probably.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ------------------------------

> > *From:* Raina <my6lilguys@...>

> > *To:*

> > *Sent:* Mon, November 15, 2010 4:52:09 PM

> > *Subject:* ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~

> >

> >

> >

> > Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.

> > Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP, (he

> > was diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with

> > aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation

> > overload causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The

> > solution in the schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and

> > does nothing or helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if

> > he is ready to return to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95

> > percent of the day.

> >

> > After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to

> > come and get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing

> > him an eval for an IEP, principal states " I dont think he is suffering

> > educationally " hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and

> > fought and fought and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have

> > already told me he will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send

> > him to the office still!

> > (ok whole other story)

> >

> > So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and

> > as you know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a

> > letter to his teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he

> > could go with me to the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was

> > good if he could make a paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK

> > so these teachers and school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and

> > do NOT know how nor do they try to research them and yet I get a letter

> > today as follows:

> >

> > Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton

> > today. Let's change the wording for his behaviors from " being good " to doing

> > his first grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording

> > for Ashton and all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job

> > right now.

> > Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to

> > go to JH basketball game with Mom.

> > Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes.

> > Playing with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please

> > don't make possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior.

> > First, promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for

> > failure. Second, it is not something that you can follow through on. At

> > conferences, let's talk about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate

> > that we all agree upon.

> > Thanks,

> >

> > I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a

> > paper airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to

> > fly it just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this

> > school as a month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from

> > his teacher bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am

> > receiving..

> >

> > The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in

> > missing the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes

> > and I told him I would " try " no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a

> > good idea and I did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came

> > home that day with cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to

> > mention I had lost my great uncle the day before so things were insane oh

> > and the other 5 boys in our household helps with the stress augh) The next

> > morning I get this email about how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him

> > and that all day became about the cupcakes and how I was tearing down what

> > they are building up....lol little did they know but the next day guess

> > what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha they did it to themselves..no one

> > called me and asked me about the cupcakes they just assumed and I told her

> > the next day I did NOT promise them to him and that with a child with

> > ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to disneyland in 4

> > months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next 4

> > months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!

> >

> > My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are handling

> > things and now this.....HELP!!!!

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

> --

> -mommy to Emma, Becca, ,

> , , and Leah

>

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Raina,

I think you have made the best decision you can in a tough situation. I am glad to see that you will continue to fight even after your boys are in the new district. Maybe someone else won't have to pull their child from the school system. You are right to move your childre on, but not to let it go.

mom of Jonny 6 with Aspergers, Tourettes and ADHD and

12 with Cystic Fibrosis

( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~> > >> > > Â> > > Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.> > > Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP,> > (he was> > > diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with> > > aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation> > overload> > > causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in> > the> > > schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing> > or> > > helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready to> > return> > > to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.> > >> > > After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to> > come and> > > get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an> > eval> > > for an IEP, principal states "I dont think he is suffering educationally"> >> > > hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and> > fought> > > and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told> > me he> > > will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the> > office> > > still!> > >> > > (ok whole other story)> > >> > > So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with him, and> > as you> > > know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to> > his> > > teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go> > with me to> > > the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could> > make a> > > paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers> > and> > > school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor> > do> > > they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:> > >> > > Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton> > today.> > > Let's change the wording for his behaviors from "being good" to doing his> > first> > > grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use that wording for> > Ashton and> > > all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now.> > >> > > Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to> > go to> > > JH basketball game with Mom.> > >> > > Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes.> > Playing> > > with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't> > make> > > possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First,> > > promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure.> > Second,> > > it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's> > talk> > > about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.> > > Thanks,> > >> > > I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a> > paper> > > airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to> > fly it> > > just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this> > school as a> > > month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his> > teacher> > > bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..> > >> > > The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in> > missing> > > the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and> > I told> > > him I would "try" no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good> > idea and I> > > did not want to make it worse well low and behold he came home that day> > with> > > cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost> > my great> > > uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our> >> > > household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email> > about> > > how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about> > the> > > cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol> > little did> > > they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha> > they> > > did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes> > they just> > > assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and> > that with> > > a child with ashtons difficulties you could tell him you are going to> > disneyland> > > in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next> > 4> > > months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!> > >> > > My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are> > handling> > > things and now this.....HELP!!!!> > >> >> > > >> > > > -- > -mommy to Emma, Becca, ,> , , and Leah>

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Robin,

BRAVO!!!!!!,

From: Raina <my6lilguys@...>Subject: Re: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~ Date: Tuesday, November 16, 2010, 12:49 PM

Thank you a million times over all of you for all of the wonderful advice I appreciate it! Ok so a little background Last year in kindergarden (right after he was diagnosed with adhd and odd) after the first 2 weeks of school I was receiving phone calls daily about Ashtons behavior and how they could not get him to listen or follow directions, he would shut down and hide under the desk etc...so the teacher would take him out of the classroom and put him in what they called the "recovery/detention" room, where he would sit with a mean lady that sat in her chair at the front of the room and do nothing. There he would melt down even more as he head nothing to keep his attention he broke 3 pairs of his rx glasses in a month as something to do and act out.After getting phone call after phone call they would start calling me and telling me he was acting out and they culd not control him (he would leave the class as this is part of his

meltdown he is too overstimulated and needed to settle and refocus) he started not going to pe and music and finally no lunch as well, as well as having accidents in class... After weeks of going and picking him up from school I started doing some research and found out that he wuld qualify for an IEP hands down. I called a meeting with the principal (ok a little background on the school, this is an extremely small school and my 6 kids alone bring in a TON of funding, there are 2 grades per class and the junior high and high school are all combined we are the only school in the district) my husband and I met with the principal 2 hours then we had discussed as I had to reschedule, we came up with the 504 plan making him exempt on pe, recess etc...we thought we were on the right track as we have been at this district going on our 2nd year and have always been soo praised on ur other kids and how wonderful they are as we like the small community

feel of things. As we wre leaving the office we noticed that my sons kinder class lights were all off and my husband nticed my son sitting at a desk ALONE (the folding doors to the other class were open and the teacher was teaching in her room but my son was all alone in his class) OK this made my husband FURIOUS!!!! so we sat with him and I read a book...low and behold 10 mins later here came his teacher and BOY did I surprise her she walked in and her face immediately turned white and she said "mom and dad I thought you were coming in earlier" and I said "no we rescheduled" she said oh I was just walking the kids to PE and ashton stayed here...............UMMMMMM I think he would have at least walked with you.From there things just started to go downhill and I still being nice and not wanting to be "that mom" I gave them the benefit of the doubt...Week after week I would send him to school and know the phone wuld ring, week after week I would

listen to how horrible of a child he was. I was having a hard time at home as well as I did not know how to control him so I was I guess sympathizing with the school and giving in to go get him. He went to 5 days of school in Dec alone. In October I made an appt to have him seen by a specialist in Seattle at an autism clinic, as my pediatrician had said he believed the spectrum played a role, in all of this. The problem is they are such a HUGE clinic and so many kids needing evals it takes at least 6 mos of getting into see someone. week after week I was asked by his teacher and principal, "any news yet when he can be seen" as well as being asked weekly or daily " is he still taking meds (we have been on a roller coaster ride 6 diff meds in a year) FINALLY!!!!!! In april the call came and we drove 4 hours to seattle to be seen by an ARNP where we had 3 hours of questions only to tell us she believed he fell on the spectrum and she would

consult one of her psychologists and get back to me about a full eval HOWEVER this would take anywhere from 3 to 4 months AUGH!!!!! So I trekked back to the school and reported what we found out. week after week I had been asked if I had heard anythig yet, the end of may we called another meeting where the principal in return told me that she did not think autism was playing a role in his day to day behavior and that she felt it as all ODD and referred back to his diagnosis from a behavior specialist the prior Sept, of ADHD and ODD telling me she did not see anything about autism in their notes UHHHHHH of course not they are a BEHAVIOR HEALTH clinic not an autism clinic. I went home and called the ARNP and begged her to fax a letter stating ashton had been seen and is awaiting a full eval, as I did not think the school was believing me. So she did thank god!Things continued the phone calls, being sent to the office at this point some

days he would have an accident and they would call me the first time I did this I brought the clothes in and was absolutely amazed at where they had him sitting (right by the office door not even in the nurses office) well he saw me and had a breakdown wanting to go home...from then out I told them I would meet them at the curb with his clothes (seriously I am smarter than that) As well as the principal then started telling me I need to stop coming to get him as he needs to know that even bad behavior he needs to stay at school and cannot go home....I told her then not to call me unless it is an emergency! Please NOTE my son has never hit, nor bitten, nor caused any bodily harm to anyone at school whatsoever. just leaving class, running from them and a few choice names! In June I had had enough and called the principal and once again asked for an IEP, (I had been asking all year and the best she could do was a 504 refusing the IEP) I was then

told at that point she did not feel he was suffering educatinally (missed 40 days of school and still did not know how to spell his name) when asked if he could just have a para to redirect him or to divert him in a meltdown I was told and I quote "we will not give that to him unless he needs to be diapered or in a wheelchair we simply do not have the funding" I was furious at getting no where.....We live 25 mins from a fantastic town my kids have attended school where in the district there are 4 diff schools alone and they all offer a fantastic special ed program, at this point I was ready to pull him out which is what i think they want BUT I will not just pull him I will pull all 6 of my boys resulting in a HUGE loss of funding, I threw that at her up to this point I have been nothing but nice up to this point and it has gotten me nowhere. I have done everything they have asked me to do and then some!In August we finally saw the

psychologist and our prayers had been answered a full autism spectrum diagnosis (299.0) I was soo happy and went straight to the principal with the news (I emailed her) however her full report would not be ready for a few weeks. a week before school the principal called me and wanted to know if she could have a copy of the report and I in return told her I did not have it yet she told me she needed it if we were to talk about an IEP...AUGH!!! so I called my psychologist and she typed a letter with all of the codes and all of the info and I hand delivered it!The next day the principal calls me and says "we need the letter on script paper and her DEA #" OMG!!! I called her once again and she informed me this was ridiuclous and told me I was more patient than she could be and also said that she is not an MD therefore she does not have a DEA# (she doesnt give meds) not script paper"The calls kept coming and even to come and get him started all

over again even at one point he was out of meds and we were waiting for his rx, the principal asked him not to return till he had meds again!!!At this point I had had enough!!! I went straight to the district office and wrote a hand written letter to the HEAD of the special Ed dept. The next day she called me and said "I am so glad you sent me a letter this is the first I am hearing of ashton, we will be starting the Eval process within the next week, have you sign papers and 30 days from there we have to evaluate him" BOOM!!! finally!!! When the full report came I skipped the principal and went straight to the head of the dept. and turned them into her I have had alot of luck with her however she is not the special ed teacher for our school (we only have one and she is hardly ever in her office she is out doing other things) and I have viced my dusgust and hurdles with her as well as the new letters that I have been receiving. I want to

deal strictly with her however she is als the vice principal of the high school so a very busy lady! The principal asked me last week about the full report and I told her I turned it in to Suzanne so she is fully aware I am no longer going through her! So there is the just of it and I think now you can see my frustrations I have done everything I can do accomodate them and when I receive these letters It makes my feeling to move my kids all the more strong....driving 20 minutes both ways 2x a day in my opinion would be worth it, but I am also scared as we live here and this is our home and my other kids have great friends here and we love love love the community and families, and now I work out here! I am so torn and I am also sooo sick of fighting! I have read law after law and consulted advocates and such and from all of the feedback what I am doing is right! The rewards for ashton are to merely get him on the bus to get to school as

often that is our biggest hurdle as he HATES school so much he will hide from me to avoid the bus we have charts at home and I use them for just getting to school is one section. I tell him "good behavior" which in our home means no meltdowns and no running away, the teacher uses "1st grade work" BUT I do not use those words as I cannot reach the moon if I cannot get to the stars...he doesnt even know how to spell his name or know all of his alphabet if I tell him (or she does) that he will get a reward for 1st grade work he knows its not possible so he will not try and just give up!!! to me she is being unrealistic and refuses to see how far behind he is! Instead they want to make him out to be this AWFUL child who is sooo unbehaved he cant stay in class...instead of maybe the lights are too bright or something is bothering him or its too chaotic I just feeling like I am setting him up for failure keeping him here at this school, esp since I

have been told that even wit the IEP (signed papers on the 22nd of OCt and he has tested with someone 2 times) he will still continue to go to the office and they will still continue to say he is not struggling!!! See my frustrations??> > >> > > I don't think the letter the teacher sent in response to you was wrong. I> > think> > > it was well thought out on her end, really. She wasn't saying he> > couldn't have> > > other classroom rewards, but she wanted to talk with you about what would> > be> > > appropriate since paper airplanes were not. What's wrong with that?> > >> > > Personally, when my son was in 1st grade, I would've never promised him> > a reward> > > like that (basketball game for "being good") at the end of the day b/c it> >> > > would've been

impossible for him to earn it and he would've been so> > focused on> > > the reward that he wouldn't of been able to focus in class.Â> > Rewards have never> > > really worked for my son. I would give him rewards, but I wouldn't tell> > him> > > ahead of time or he would hyperfocus on them, usually lose them b/c he> > was> > > distracted, and then melt down because he lost them. What happens> > if your> > > son messes up at 9am? His whole day at school would be ruined,> > probably.  Â> > > > > >> > >> > >> > >> > > ________________________________> > > From: Raina <my6lilguys@>> > > < %40>> > > Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 4:52:09 PM> > > Subject: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~> > >> > > Â> > > Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.> > > Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP,> > (he was> > > diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with> > > aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation> > overload> > > causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in> > the> > > schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing> > or> > > helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready

to> > return> > > to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.> > >> > > After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to> > come and> > > get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an> > eval> > > for an IEP, principal states "I dont think he is suffering educationally"> >> > > hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and> > fought> > > and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told> > me he> > > will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the> > office> > > still!> > >> > > (ok whole other story)> > >> > > So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with

him, and> > as you> > > know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to> > his> > > teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go> > with me to> > > the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could> > make a> > > paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers> > and> > > school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor> > do> > > they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:> > >> > > Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton> > today.> > > Let's change the wording for his behaviors from "being good" to doing his> > first> > > grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use

that wording for> > Ashton and> > > all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now.> > >> > > Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to> > go to> > > JH basketball game with Mom.> > >> > > Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes.> > Playing> > > with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't> > make> > > possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First,> > > promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure.> > Second,> > > it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's> > talk> > > about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.> > >

Thanks,> > >> > > I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a> > paper> > > airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to> > fly it> > > just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this> > school as a> > > month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his> > teacher> > > bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..> > >> > > The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in> > missing> > > the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and> > I told> > > him I would "try" no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good> > idea and I> > > did not want to make it worse well low and

behold he came home that day> > with> > > cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost> > my great> > > uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our> >> > > household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email> > about> > > how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about> > the> > > cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol> > little did> > > they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha> > they> > > did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes> > they just> > > assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and> > that with> > > a child with ashtons

difficulties you could tell him you are going to> > disneyland> > > in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next> > 4> > > months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!> > >> > > My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are> > handling> > > things and now this.....HELP!!!!> > >> >> > > >> > > > -- > -mommy to Emma, Becca, ,> , , and Leah>

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Robin,

BRAVO!!!!

I have been reading your emails and what you have been going through. My heart goes out to you, your son and your family. I couldn't imagine what you've both been going through as well as others who have had the same problems and issues. I'm glad that my kids have a good school district who aren't fighting me and have the educators and resources with dealing with Aspie children. I am meeting with the school tomorrow to go over her IEP. I'm keeping my fingers crossed on what their plans are for her. I thank God that I have my dd and I wouldn't change her a bit.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

From: Raina <my6lilguys@...>Subject: Re: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~ Date: Tuesday, November 16, 2010, 12:49 PM

Thank you a million times over all of you for all of the wonderful advice I appreciate it! Ok so a little background Last year in kindergarden (right after he was diagnosed with adhd and odd) after the first 2 weeks of school I was receiving phone calls daily about Ashtons behavior and how they could not get him to listen or follow directions, he would shut down and hide under the desk etc...so the teacher would take him out of the classroom and put him in what they called the "recovery/detention" room, where he would sit with a mean lady that sat in her chair at the front of the room and do nothing. There he would melt down even more as he head nothing to keep his attention he broke 3 pairs of his rx glasses in a month as something to do and act out.After getting phone call after phone call they would start calling me and telling me he was acting out and they culd not control him (he would leave the class as this is part of his

meltdown he is too overstimulated and needed to settle and refocus) he started not going to pe and music and finally no lunch as well, as well as having accidents in class... After weeks of going and picking him up from school I started doing some research and found out that he wuld qualify for an IEP hands down. I called a meeting with the principal (ok a little background on the school, this is an extremely small school and my 6 kids alone bring in a TON of funding, there are 2 grades per class and the junior high and high school are all combined we are the only school in the district) my husband and I met with the principal 2 hours then we had discussed as I had to reschedule, we came up with the 504 plan making him exempt on pe, recess etc...we thought we were on the right track as we have been at this district going on our 2nd year and have always been soo praised on ur other kids and how wonderful they are as we like the small community

feel of things. As we wre leaving the office we noticed that my sons kinder class lights were all off and my husband nticed my son sitting at a desk ALONE (the folding doors to the other class were open and the teacher was teaching in her room but my son was all alone in his class) OK this made my husband FURIOUS!!!! so we sat with him and I read a book...low and behold 10 mins later here came his teacher and BOY did I surprise her she walked in and her face immediately turned white and she said "mom and dad I thought you were coming in earlier" and I said "no we rescheduled" she said oh I was just walking the kids to PE and ashton stayed here...............UMMMMMM I think he would have at least walked with you.From there things just started to go downhill and I still being nice and not wanting to be "that mom" I gave them the benefit of the doubt...Week after week I would send him to school and know the phone wuld ring, week after week I would

listen to how horrible of a child he was. I was having a hard time at home as well as I did not know how to control him so I was I guess sympathizing with the school and giving in to go get him. He went to 5 days of school in Dec alone. In October I made an appt to have him seen by a specialist in Seattle at an autism clinic, as my pediatrician had said he believed the spectrum played a role, in all of this. The problem is they are such a HUGE clinic and so many kids needing evals it takes at least 6 mos of getting into see someone. week after week I was asked by his teacher and principal, "any news yet when he can be seen" as well as being asked weekly or daily " is he still taking meds (we have been on a roller coaster ride 6 diff meds in a year) FINALLY!!!!!! In april the call came and we drove 4 hours to seattle to be seen by an ARNP where we had 3 hours of questions only to tell us she believed he fell on the spectrum and she would

consult one of her psychologists and get back to me about a full eval HOWEVER this would take anywhere from 3 to 4 months AUGH!!!!! So I trekked back to the school and reported what we found out. week after week I had been asked if I had heard anythig yet, the end of may we called another meeting where the principal in return told me that she did not think autism was playing a role in his day to day behavior and that she felt it as all ODD and referred back to his diagnosis from a behavior specialist the prior Sept, of ADHD and ODD telling me she did not see anything about autism in their notes UHHHHHH of course not they are a BEHAVIOR HEALTH clinic not an autism clinic. I went home and called the ARNP and begged her to fax a letter stating ashton had been seen and is awaiting a full eval, as I did not think the school was believing me. So she did thank god!Things continued the phone calls, being sent to the office at this point some

days he would have an accident and they would call me the first time I did this I brought the clothes in and was absolutely amazed at where they had him sitting (right by the office door not even in the nurses office) well he saw me and had a breakdown wanting to go home...from then out I told them I would meet them at the curb with his clothes (seriously I am smarter than that) As well as the principal then started telling me I need to stop coming to get him as he needs to know that even bad behavior he needs to stay at school and cannot go home....I told her then not to call me unless it is an emergency! Please NOTE my son has never hit, nor bitten, nor caused any bodily harm to anyone at school whatsoever. just leaving class, running from them and a few choice names! In June I had had enough and called the principal and once again asked for an IEP, (I had been asking all year and the best she could do was a 504 refusing the IEP) I was then

told at that point she did not feel he was suffering educatinally (missed 40 days of school and still did not know how to spell his name) when asked if he could just have a para to redirect him or to divert him in a meltdown I was told and I quote "we will not give that to him unless he needs to be diapered or in a wheelchair we simply do not have the funding" I was furious at getting no where.....We live 25 mins from a fantastic town my kids have attended school where in the district there are 4 diff schools alone and they all offer a fantastic special ed program, at this point I was ready to pull him out which is what i think they want BUT I will not just pull him I will pull all 6 of my boys resulting in a HUGE loss of funding, I threw that at her up to this point I have been nothing but nice up to this point and it has gotten me nowhere. I have done everything they have asked me to do and then some!In August we finally saw the

psychologist and our prayers had been answered a full autism spectrum diagnosis (299.0) I was soo happy and went straight to the principal with the news (I emailed her) however her full report would not be ready for a few weeks. a week before school the principal called me and wanted to know if she could have a copy of the report and I in return told her I did not have it yet she told me she needed it if we were to talk about an IEP...AUGH!!! so I called my psychologist and she typed a letter with all of the codes and all of the info and I hand delivered it!The next day the principal calls me and says "we need the letter on script paper and her DEA #" OMG!!! I called her once again and she informed me this was ridiuclous and told me I was more patient than she could be and also said that she is not an MD therefore she does not have a DEA# (she doesnt give meds) not script paper"The calls kept coming and even to come and get him started all

over again even at one point he was out of meds and we were waiting for his rx, the principal asked him not to return till he had meds again!!!At this point I had had enough!!! I went straight to the district office and wrote a hand written letter to the HEAD of the special Ed dept. The next day she called me and said "I am so glad you sent me a letter this is the first I am hearing of ashton, we will be starting the Eval process within the next week, have you sign papers and 30 days from there we have to evaluate him" BOOM!!! finally!!! When the full report came I skipped the principal and went straight to the head of the dept. and turned them into her I have had alot of luck with her however she is not the special ed teacher for our school (we only have one and she is hardly ever in her office she is out doing other things) and I have viced my dusgust and hurdles with her as well as the new letters that I have been receiving. I want to

deal strictly with her however she is als the vice principal of the high school so a very busy lady! The principal asked me last week about the full report and I told her I turned it in to Suzanne so she is fully aware I am no longer going through her! So there is the just of it and I think now you can see my frustrations I have done everything I can do accomodate them and when I receive these letters It makes my feeling to move my kids all the more strong....driving 20 minutes both ways 2x a day in my opinion would be worth it, but I am also scared as we live here and this is our home and my other kids have great friends here and we love love love the community and families, and now I work out here! I am so torn and I am also sooo sick of fighting! I have read law after law and consulted advocates and such and from all of the feedback what I am doing is right! The rewards for ashton are to merely get him on the bus to get to school as

often that is our biggest hurdle as he HATES school so much he will hide from me to avoid the bus we have charts at home and I use them for just getting to school is one section. I tell him "good behavior" which in our home means no meltdowns and no running away, the teacher uses "1st grade work" BUT I do not use those words as I cannot reach the moon if I cannot get to the stars...he doesnt even know how to spell his name or know all of his alphabet if I tell him (or she does) that he will get a reward for 1st grade work he knows its not possible so he will not try and just give up!!! to me she is being unrealistic and refuses to see how far behind he is! Instead they want to make him out to be this AWFUL child who is sooo unbehaved he cant stay in class...instead of maybe the lights are too bright or something is bothering him or its too chaotic I just feeling like I am setting him up for failure keeping him here at this school, esp since I

have been told that even wit the IEP (signed papers on the 22nd of OCt and he has tested with someone 2 times) he will still continue to go to the office and they will still continue to say he is not struggling!!! See my frustrations??> > >> > > I don't think the letter the teacher sent in response to you was wrong. I> > think> > > it was well thought out on her end, really. She wasn't saying he> > couldn't have> > > other classroom rewards, but she wanted to talk with you about what would> > be> > > appropriate since paper airplanes were not. What's wrong with that?> > >> > > Personally, when my son was in 1st grade, I would've never promised him> > a reward> > > like that (basketball game for "being good") at the end of the day b/c it> >> > > would've been

impossible for him to earn it and he would've been so> > focused on> > > the reward that he wouldn't of been able to focus in class.Â> > Rewards have never> > > really worked for my son. I would give him rewards, but I wouldn't tell> > him> > > ahead of time or he would hyperfocus on them, usually lose them b/c he> > was> > > distracted, and then melt down because he lost them. What happens> > if your> > > son messes up at 9am? His whole day at school would be ruined,> > probably.  Â> > > > > >> > >> > >> > >> > > ________________________________> > > From: Raina <my6lilguys@>> > > < %40>> > > Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 4:52:09 PM> > > Subject: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~> > >> > > Â> > > Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.> > > Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP,> > (he was> > > diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with> > > aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation> > overload> > > causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in> > the> > > schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing> > or> > > helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready

to> > return> > > to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.> > >> > > After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to> > come and> > > get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an> > eval> > > for an IEP, principal states "I dont think he is suffering educationally"> >> > > hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and> > fought> > > and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told> > me he> > > will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the> > office> > > still!> > >> > > (ok whole other story)> > >> > > So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with

him, and> > as you> > > know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to> > his> > > teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go> > with me to> > > the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could> > make a> > > paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers> > and> > > school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor> > do> > > they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:> > >> > > Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton> > today.> > > Let's change the wording for his behaviors from "being good" to doing his> > first> > > grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use

that wording for> > Ashton and> > > all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now.> > >> > > Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to> > go to> > > JH basketball game with Mom.> > >> > > Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes.> > Playing> > > with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't> > make> > > possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First,> > > promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure.> > Second,> > > it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's> > talk> > > about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.> > >

Thanks,> > >> > > I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a> > paper> > > airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to> > fly it> > > just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this> > school as a> > > month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his> > teacher> > > bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..> > >> > > The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in> > missing> > > the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and> > I told> > > him I would "try" no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good> > idea and I> > > did not want to make it worse well low and

behold he came home that day> > with> > > cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost> > my great> > > uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our> >> > > household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email> > about> > > how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about> > the> > > cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol> > little did> > > they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha> > they> > > did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes> > they just> > > assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and> > that with> > > a child with ashtons

difficulties you could tell him you are going to> > disneyland> > > in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next> > 4> > > months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!> > >> > > My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are> > handling> > > things and now this.....HELP!!!!> > >> >> > > >> > > > -- > -mommy to Emma, Becca, ,> , , and Leah>

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I'm sooo happy for the choices you have made!!!! I'm also very glad that you are feeling soooo great about it!!!

Just one bit of info - in response to you saying that you feel like you're kinda giving up by leaving. Remember,,,,,,each child in this country has a price that goes to the school they are attending at the time. EACH child.

So,,,,now that you're pulling all of your kids out of THAT school............YOUR kids' money is going to the NEW school.!!!! ha ha! That'll show em, right?!!!!

Good luck!!!! Keep us posted with how telling them goes!!!!!

Robin

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY

WHAT YOU DID OR WHAT YOU SAID,

BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER

HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL

From: Raina <my6lilguys@...>Subject: Re: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~ Date: Tuesday, November 16, 2010, 12:49 PM

Thank you a million times over all of you for all of the wonderful advice I appreciate it! Ok so a little background Last year in kindergarden (right after he was diagnosed with adhd and odd) after the first 2 weeks of school I was receiving phone calls daily about Ashtons behavior and how they could not get him to listen or follow directions, he would shut down and hide under the desk etc...so the teacher would take him out of the classroom and put him in what they called the "recovery/detention" room, where he would sit with a mean lady that sat in her chair at the front of the room and do nothing. There he would melt down even more as he head nothing to keep his attention he broke 3 pairs of his rx glasses in a month as something to do and act out.After getting phone call after phone call they would start calling me and telling me he was acting out and they culd not control him (he would leave the class as this is part of his

meltdown he is too overstimulated and needed to settle and refocus) he started not going to pe and music and finally no lunch as well, as well as having accidents in class... After weeks of going and picking him up from school I started doing some research and found out that he wuld qualify for an IEP hands down. I called a meeting with the principal (ok a little background on the school, this is an extremely small school and my 6 kids alone bring in a TON of funding, there are 2 grades per class and the junior high and high school are all combined we are the only school in the district) my husband and I met with the principal 2 hours then we had discussed as I had to reschedule, we came up with the 504 plan making him exempt on pe, recess etc...we thought we were on the right track as we have been at this district going on our 2nd year and have always been soo praised on ur other kids and how wonderful they are as we like the small community

feel of things. As we wre leaving the office we noticed that my sons kinder class lights were all off and my husband nticed my son sitting at a desk ALONE (the folding doors to the other class were open and the teacher was teaching in her room but my son was all alone in his class) OK this made my husband FURIOUS!!!! so we sat with him and I read a book...low and behold 10 mins later here came his teacher and BOY did I surprise her she walked in and her face immediately turned white and she said "mom and dad I thought you were coming in earlier" and I said "no we rescheduled" she said oh I was just walking the kids to PE and ashton stayed here...............UMMMMMM I think he would have at least walked with you.From there things just started to go downhill and I still being nice and not wanting to be "that mom" I gave them the benefit of the doubt...Week after week I would send him to school and know the phone wuld ring, week after week I would

listen to how horrible of a child he was. I was having a hard time at home as well as I did not know how to control him so I was I guess sympathizing with the school and giving in to go get him. He went to 5 days of school in Dec alone. In October I made an appt to have him seen by a specialist in Seattle at an autism clinic, as my pediatrician had said he believed the spectrum played a role, in all of this. The problem is they are such a HUGE clinic and so many kids needing evals it takes at least 6 mos of getting into see someone. week after week I was asked by his teacher and principal, "any news yet when he can be seen" as well as being asked weekly or daily " is he still taking meds (we have been on a roller coaster ride 6 diff meds in a year) FINALLY!!!!!! In april the call came and we drove 4 hours to seattle to be seen by an ARNP where we had 3 hours of questions only to tell us she believed he fell on the spectrum and she would

consult one of her psychologists and get back to me about a full eval HOWEVER this would take anywhere from 3 to 4 months AUGH!!!!! So I trekked back to the school and reported what we found out. week after week I had been asked if I had heard anythig yet, the end of may we called another meeting where the principal in return told me that she did not think autism was playing a role in his day to day behavior and that she felt it as all ODD and referred back to his diagnosis from a behavior specialist the prior Sept, of ADHD and ODD telling me she did not see anything about autism in their notes UHHHHHH of course not they are a BEHAVIOR HEALTH clinic not an autism clinic. I went home and called the ARNP and begged her to fax a letter stating ashton had been seen and is awaiting a full eval, as I did not think the school was believing me. So she did thank god!Things continued the phone calls, being sent to the office at this point some

days he would have an accident and they would call me the first time I did this I brought the clothes in and was absolutely amazed at where they had him sitting (right by the office door not even in the nurses office) well he saw me and had a breakdown wanting to go home...from then out I told them I would meet them at the curb with his clothes (seriously I am smarter than that) As well as the principal then started telling me I need to stop coming to get him as he needs to know that even bad behavior he needs to stay at school and cannot go home....I told her then not to call me unless it is an emergency! Please NOTE my son has never hit, nor bitten, nor caused any bodily harm to anyone at school whatsoever. just leaving class, running from them and a few choice names! In June I had had enough and called the principal and once again asked for an IEP, (I had been asking all year and the best she could do was a 504 refusing the IEP) I was then

told at that point she did not feel he was suffering educatinally (missed 40 days of school and still did not know how to spell his name) when asked if he could just have a para to redirect him or to divert him in a meltdown I was told and I quote "we will not give that to him unless he needs to be diapered or in a wheelchair we simply do not have the funding" I was furious at getting no where.....We live 25 mins from a fantastic town my kids have attended school where in the district there are 4 diff schools alone and they all offer a fantastic special ed program, at this point I was ready to pull him out which is what i think they want BUT I will not just pull him I will pull all 6 of my boys resulting in a HUGE loss of funding, I threw that at her up to this point I have been nothing but nice up to this point and it has gotten me nowhere. I have done everything they have asked me to do and then some!In August we finally saw the

psychologist and our prayers had been answered a full autism spectrum diagnosis (299.0) I was soo happy and went straight to the principal with the news (I emailed her) however her full report would not be ready for a few weeks. a week before school the principal called me and wanted to know if she could have a copy of the report and I in return told her I did not have it yet she told me she needed it if we were to talk about an IEP...AUGH!!! so I called my psychologist and she typed a letter with all of the codes and all of the info and I hand delivered it!The next day the principal calls me and says "we need the letter on script paper and her DEA #" OMG!!! I called her once again and she informed me this was ridiuclous and told me I was more patient than she could be and also said that she is not an MD therefore she does not have a DEA# (she doesnt give meds) not script paper"The calls kept coming and even to come and get him started all

over again even at one point he was out of meds and we were waiting for his rx, the principal asked him not to return till he had meds again!!!At this point I had had enough!!! I went straight to the district office and wrote a hand written letter to the HEAD of the special Ed dept. The next day she called me and said "I am so glad you sent me a letter this is the first I am hearing of ashton, we will be starting the Eval process within the next week, have you sign papers and 30 days from there we have to evaluate him" BOOM!!! finally!!! When the full report came I skipped the principal and went straight to the head of the dept. and turned them into her I have had alot of luck with her however she is not the special ed teacher for our school (we only have one and she is hardly ever in her office she is out doing other things) and I have viced my dusgust and hurdles with her as well as the new letters that I have been receiving. I want to

deal strictly with her however she is als the vice principal of the high school so a very busy lady! The principal asked me last week about the full report and I told her I turned it in to Suzanne so she is fully aware I am no longer going through her! So there is the just of it and I think now you can see my frustrations I have done everything I can do accomodate them and when I receive these letters It makes my feeling to move my kids all the more strong....driving 20 minutes both ways 2x a day in my opinion would be worth it, but I am also scared as we live here and this is our home and my other kids have great friends here and we love love love the community and families, and now I work out here! I am so torn and I am also sooo sick of fighting! I have read law after law and consulted advocates and such and from all of the feedback what I am doing is right! The rewards for ashton are to merely get him on the bus to get to school as

often that is our biggest hurdle as he HATES school so much he will hide from me to avoid the bus we have charts at home and I use them for just getting to school is one section. I tell him "good behavior" which in our home means no meltdowns and no running away, the teacher uses "1st grade work" BUT I do not use those words as I cannot reach the moon if I cannot get to the stars...he doesnt even know how to spell his name or know all of his alphabet if I tell him (or she does) that he will get a reward for 1st grade work he knows its not possible so he will not try and just give up!!! to me she is being unrealistic and refuses to see how far behind he is! Instead they want to make him out to be this AWFUL child who is sooo unbehaved he cant stay in class...instead of maybe the lights are too bright or something is bothering him or its too chaotic I just feeling like I am setting him up for failure keeping him here at this school, esp since I

have been told that even wit the IEP (signed papers on the 22nd of OCt and he has tested with someone 2 times) he will still continue to go to the office and they will still continue to say he is not struggling!!! See my frustrations??> > >> > > I don't think the letter the teacher sent in response to you was wrong. I> > think> > > it was well thought out on her end, really. She wasn't saying he> > couldn't have> > > other classroom rewards, but she wanted to talk with you about what would> > be> > > appropriate since paper airplanes were not. What's wrong with that?> > >> > > Personally, when my son was in 1st grade, I would've never promised him> > a reward> > > like that (basketball game for "being good") at the end of the day b/c it> >> > > would've been

impossible for him to earn it and he would've been so> > focused on> > > the reward that he wouldn't of been able to focus in class.Â> > Rewards have never> > > really worked for my son. I would give him rewards, but I wouldn't tell> > him> > > ahead of time or he would hyperfocus on them, usually lose them b/c he> > was> > > distracted, and then melt down because he lost them. What happens> > if your> > > son messes up at 9am? His whole day at school would be ruined,> > probably.  Â> > > > > >> > >> > >> > >> > > ________________________________> > > From: Raina <my6lilguys@>> > > < %40>> > > Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 4:52:09 PM> > > Subject: ( ) condescending Emails from sons teacher~> > >> > > Â> > > Augh I am at the end of my rope so help me.> > > Ashton is in 1st grade and while we are still here fighting for an IEP,> > (he was> > > diagnosed a year ago with adhd, and odd and then in July diagnosed with> > > aspergers) he has regular shut downs in class and goes into stimulation> > overload> > > causig him to put his head down or crawl under the desk. The solution in> > the> > > schools eyes is to send him to the office where he sits and does nothing> > or> > > helps the secretary shred papers, and when they ask him if he is ready

to> > return> > > to class he says no! So there he sits, usually 95 percent of the day.> > >> > > After missing 45 days of school last year because they would call me to> > come and> > > get him as they did not know how to handle him, and still refusing him an> > eval> > > for an IEP, principal states "I dont think he is suffering educationally"> >> > > hmmmmmm 45 days of school missed...so I fought and fought and fought and> > fought> > > and NOW he is finally getting evaluated. However they have already told> > me he> > > will not get a para for 1 on 1 and will most likely send him to the> > office> > > still!> > >> > > (ok whole other story)> > >> > > So Ashton hates going to school I literally have to bargain with

him, and> > as you> > > know most aspies have their own rules so this morning I wrote a letter to> > his> > > teacher and told her if he was on his best behavior today he could go> > with me to> > > the basketball game tonight. Then he asked if he was good if he could> > make a> > > paper airplane, and I included that as well.......OK so these teachers> > and> > > school have never dealt with kids on the spectrum and do NOT know how nor> > do> > > they try to research them and yet I get a letter today as follows:> > >> > > Thank you for sending me a note about the reward you have promised Ashton> > today.> > > Let's change the wording for his behaviors from "being good" to doing his> > first> > > grade job. It makes the expectation specific. I use

that wording for> > Ashton and> > > all my students in class. I always ask him what is your job right now.> > >> > > Therefore, if he is doing his first grade job all day then he will get to> > go to> > > JH basketball game with Mom.> > >> > > Also, your second sentence talked about playing with paper airplanes.> > Playing> > > with paper airplanes is not a possibility in the classroom. Please don't> > make> > > possibility promises connected to the classroom and his behavior. First,> > > promising him a possibility of something is setting him up for failure.> > Second,> > > it is not something that you can follow through on. At conferences, let's> > talk> > > about rewards that are acceptable and appropriate that we all agree upon.> > >

Thanks,> > >> > > I was steaming after I read this, for one I was thinking he could do a> > paper> > > airplane during recess as he does not go to recess, he did not want to> > fly it> > > just make it as he LOVES art... I am just ready to be done with this> > school as a> > > month ago was his birthday and I received the first letter from his> > teacher> > > bashing me into the ground so this is the second letter I am receiving..> > >> > > The first one was his birthday and he had a major meltdown resulting in> > missing> > > the bus so when I took him he asked me if I could bring him cupcakes and> > I told> > > him I would "try" no guarantees and I knew sugar at school not a good> > idea and I> > > did not want to make it worse well low and

behold he came home that day> > with> > > cupcakes.....I called and thanked the school (not to mention I had lost> > my great> > > uncle the day before so things were insane oh and the other 5 boys in our> >> > > household helps with the stress augh) The next morning I get this email> > about> > > how I should NEVER promise cupcakes to him and that all day became about> > the> > > cupcakes and how I was tearing down what they are building up....lol> > little did> > > they know but the next day guess what...he demanded cupcakes again ha ha> > they> > > did it to themselves..no one called me and asked me about the cupcakes> > they just> > > assumed and I told her the next day I did NOT promise them to him and> > that with> > > a child with ashtons

difficulties you could tell him you are going to> > disneyland> > > in 4 months and he would tell everyone he is going everyday for the next> > 4> > > months...you cannot take their word on things at least not his!> > >> > > My husband and I are just very upset and unhappy with how they are> > handling> > > things and now this.....HELP!!!!> > >> >> > > >> > > > -- > -mommy to Emma, Becca, ,> , , and Leah>

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Posted
Posted

You are not giving up. You are doing what's best for your son.

When I decided to move rather than keep fighting the school district that we

were in some folks told me that I should stay and fight. My reply to them was

that the fight was completely exhausting me and it was no longer worth it

especially since I found a great school system less than 10 miles away.

Caroline

>

> ...I feel almost as if I am giving up by changing schools for Ashton however I

have 5 other boys to worry about as if it was just Ashton I would stay and fight

to the end, but I think that my fighting has already showed consequences on my

other children as they are getting unfairly mistreated at school from staff as I

also think Ashton is as well. This is the first time I have felt at ease about

something and I really am confident this is the best decision I can make. I need

to be finding ways to help Ashton at home and working on charts for him

etc...not focused on helping him at school that is the schools job. I spend the

majority of my day from the minute he walks out the door worrying when the phone

will ring or when a new email is coming, reading laws about schools, finding

info on ways to help him be at ease about school etc...when this needs to be his

teachers job and she sits and does nothing!!! She had to google aspergers as did

the principal, what

> does that tell you???

>  

> Rest assured that even after Ashton moves schools and gets settled I have

every intention on going to the school board with my letters and info etc...and

I will see to it that NO ONE else ever has to go through what I have gone

through! I will keep fighting that fight I guarantee it!!!

>

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