Re: Angry words

[Guest guest]

Thank you for posting this, I am going through the same thing, except my son is angry 85% of the day. He is 8, diagnosed with AS at the age of 6.I need advice on this as well.JennFrom: bratt_behm <bratt_behm@...>Subject: ( ) Angry words Received: Wednesday, November 17, 2010, 10:30 AM

I have an eight year old son who was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 6. He is generally good spirited, fun and loving - except when he tantrums. Mostly when he gets angry he is violent in his actions (though sometimes he threatens) he is angry in his words. I have said this to a counselor before and they laughed and said, "Typical Aspie". But is it? Is it typical for Aspie's to use such angry talk like that? Any responses are welcomed.

[Guest guest]

JMHO, but yes. Maddie can get downright hateful and mean. Afterwards we always talk about it, but it still comes back up when she is mad.

Mom to my 4 girls

Madeline, Cayla, Arabella, & Vincenza

"You are the TRIP I did not take

You are the PEARLS I cannot buy

You are the blue Italian LAKE

YOU are my piece of foreign SKY"

---Anne ----

( ) Angry words

I have an eight year old son who was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 6. He is generally good spirited, fun and loving - except when he tantrums. Mostly when he gets angry he is violent in his actions (though sometimes he threatens) he is angry in his words. I have said this to a counselor before and they laughed and said, "Typical Aspie". But is it? Is it typical for Aspie's to use such angry talk like that? Any responses are welcomed.

=

[Guest guest]

Is he angry just at home? I hope it is not a school problem too.

Some AS kids do have a stress build up or lack of flexibity and

explode usually when safely at home or in Mom's presence.

I have been working on this same issue for many years. It gets better than

stress builds and we see it again in full force.

A behaviorist will tell you to use a behavior plan and to use

tokens to be earned for respectful behavior. Then when there is an outburts they

will tell you to not give the points. If there is hitting then there has to be a

consequence for that day only. Like no tv or no computer or a chore (if it

happens rarely).

I have this in place. But she still pulls my hair about once a week.

I will calmly ask her what in the world is she doing, is she able

to stop herself. She is able to, so I tell her you have a behavior problem and

you will lose computer today. It doesn't stop her but I am working with our

therapist and behaviorist to stop this behavior. If you

start to escalate punishment the family life will get so aversive.

It is hard to extinquish this behavior. I think a behavior plan is a first step

and if it persists you need help of a therapist that understands the ridgid

thinking of an AS kid. Medication may help but often it doesn't extinguish the

behavior issues completely.

You can also increase his awareness of his feelings and work on skills to cope

with distress when he is calm. You can work on increasing

flexibity and rehearse things that trigger angry and have him

behave calmly in practice. Progress can be slow with increasing awareness, but

necessary part of treatment.

Kids with bipolar will rage for a full hour or more and want to

hit people or break things. AS rage looks different it can be

stopped on a dime with a strong distraction of a special

interest. BP kids can't stop themseleves once started on rage.

A BP kids needs a mood stabizer. Some AS kids are helped

reduce aggression with abilify or rispedal. We have not tried this.

Since my daughter holds it together in public fine.

Pam

>

> I have an eight year old son who was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 6.

He is generally good spirited, fun and loving - except when he tantrums. Mostly

when he gets angry he is violent in his actions (though sometimes he threatens)

he is angry in his words. I have said this to a counselor before and they

laughed and said, " Typical Aspie " . But is it? Is it typical for Aspie's to use

such angry talk like that? Any responses are welcomed.

>

[Guest guest]

My 8 year old does this too. He will also say things like " you would be better

off without me " or " why don't you just kill me " . I find the angry words worst

when he uses them on someone outside the family. It is not unusual for him to.

Vocalize when he hates someone and why. Heck, he still hates the 2 year old

girl who took candy out of his halloween bucket while trick or treating 3 years

ago, lol. That is all he talked about while we were trick or treating this year

(and last)...it can be so embarrassing! Once he gets angry, there is no telling

what he might say. I think I am going to try that book someone just

recommended...The Incredible 5 Point scale! He seems to be sorry for what he

says later on, he just can't control it in the moment. We tried the anger

thermometer, but all he would go is point out hpw he was at the top of the

thermometer when he was mad. There is never an in between with him! I think

the key is teaching them not to get that point!

>

> I have an eight year old son who was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 6.

He is generally good spirited, fun and loving - except when he tantrums. Mostly

when he gets angry he is violent in his actions (though sometimes he threatens)

he is angry in his words. I have said this to a counselor before and they

laughed and said, " Typical Aspie " . But is it? Is it typical for Aspie's to use

such angry talk like that? Any responses are welcomed.

>

[Guest guest]

It is typical Aspie.. My 16 YO DD still does this occasionally, and she is still angry about a playground incident in 1st grade.. It is very hard to explain to strangers or people who only know her in school... From: cmt263 <gina9431@...> Sent: Wed, November 17, 2010 3:03:20 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Angry words

My 8 year old does this too. He will also say things like "you would be better off without me" or "why don't you just kill me". I find the angry words worst when he uses them on someone outside the family. It is not unusual for him to. Vocalize when he hates someone and why. Heck, he still hates the 2 year old girl who took candy out of his halloween bucket while trick or treating 3 years ago, lol. That is all he talked about while we were trick or treating this year (and last)...it can be so embarrassing! Once he gets angry, there is no telling what he might say. I think I am going to try that book someone just recommended...The Incredible 5 Point scale! He seems to be sorry for what he says later on, he just can't control it in the moment. We tried the anger thermometer, but all he would go is point out hpw he was at the top of the thermometer when he was mad. There is never an in between with him! I think the key is teaching them

not to get that point!

>

> I have an eight year old son who was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 6. He is generally good spirited, fun and loving - except when he tantrums. Mostly when he gets angry he is violent in his actions (though sometimes he threatens) he is angry in his words. I have said this to a counselor before and they laughed and said, "Typical Aspie". But is it? Is it typical for Aspie's to use such angry talk like that? Any responses are welcomed.

>

[Guest guest]

Yes...I think so. My son is 15...he would tell me "I hate you" or "I want to kill him" or "I wish he was dead". But I know better...he doesn't mean that...and he does get angry so much that he would throw stuff. He never touched me ....he would clench his fists and shake violently like he was about to explode. Some times he would just look like this and stare at me and I would stare back and then it would break and he would start laughing and I would laugh and it was over.

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: sandee C <irsandee@...> Sent: Wed, November 17, 2010 8:02:50 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Angry words

It is typical Aspie.. My 16 YO DD still does this occasionally, and she is still angry about a playground incident in 1st grade.. It is very hard to explain to strangers or people who only know her in school...

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...> Sent: Wed, November 17, 2010 3:03:20 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Angry words

My 8 year old does this too. He will also say things like "you would be better off without me" or "why don't you just kill me". I find the angry words worst when he uses them on someone outside the family. It is not unusual for him to. Vocalize when he hates someone and why. Heck, he still hates the 2 year old girl who took candy out of his halloween bucket while trick or treating 3 years ago, lol. That is all he talked about while we were trick or treating this year (and last)...it can be so embarrassing! Once he gets angry, there is no telling what he might say. I think I am going to try that book someone just recommended...The Incredible 5 Point scale! He seems to be sorry for what he says later on, he just can't control it in the moment. We tried the anger thermometer, but all he would go is point out hpw he was at the top of the thermometer when he was mad. There is never an in between with him! I think the key is teaching them not to get that

point!>> I have an eight year old son who was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 6. He is generally good spirited, fun and loving - except when he tantrums. Mostly when he gets angry he is violent in his actions (though sometimes he threatens) he is angry in his words. I have said this to a counselor before and they laughed and said, "Typical Aspie". But is it? Is it typical for Aspie's to use such angry talk like that? Any responses are welcomed.>

[Guest guest]

This is so like my 13 yr old Aspie son too. Just this evening he had a meltdown at his therapist's office out of the blue. On the way there he was fine. We were talking in the car and he was playing with his action figures. When we got there he grabbed them and wanted to take them all with him. I told him he could only take two because it would be a distractor and if he didn't participate I would have to take them. He put all but two back and didn't even try to beg or plead like he usually does. Then we get into the therapists office and about 10 minutes into it he starts telling her how he doesn't like her and yelling at her that he doesn't even want to be there and that we think this is helping him and it's not. He was so mean to her and even asked her if she could shut up. When I told him he would be grounded if he didn't stop and be respectful

he said he didn't care. Then he got up and said I'm done with this and walked out. I went after him and he had sat out in the waiting room. I told him how rude he was being to the dr and he needed to calm down and get back in her office. He asked if he could have some time to cool down and I told him he had 2 minutes and then he better be back. I went back into the dr's office and apologized and we began talking. My son came back in after exactly two minutes and it was 180 degree turn around. He was sad and put his head in my lap and apologized. After a few more minutes he was fine and began participating. It was so strange. It's not like I haven't seen him do this before but at home or with us this is extremely rare. It mostly happens in school. I just wish there was some way to keep them from going from 0 to 180 in just seconds. ne

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Angry words Date: Wednesday, November 17, 2010, 8:26 PM

Yes...I think so. My son is 15...he would tell me "I hate you" or "I want to kill him" or "I wish he was dead". But I know better...he doesn't mean that...and he does get angry so much that he would throw stuff. He never touched me ....he would clench his fists and shake violently like he was about to explode. Some times he would just look like this and stare at me and I would stare back and then it would break and he would start laughing and I would laugh and it was over.

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: sandee C <irsandee@...> Sent: Wed, November 17, 2010 8:02:50 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Angry words

It is typical Aspie.. My 16 YO DD still does this occasionally, and she is still angry about a playground incident in 1st grade.. It is very hard to explain to strangers or people who only know her in school...

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...> Sent: Wed, November 17, 2010 3:03:20 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Angry words

My 8 year old does this too. He will also say things like "you would be better off without me" or "why don't you just kill me". I find the angry words worst when he uses them on someone outside the family. It is not unusual for him to. Vocalize when he hates someone and why. Heck, he still hates the 2 year old girl who took candy out of his halloween bucket while trick or treating 3 years ago, lol. That is all he talked about while we were trick or treating this year (and last)...it can be so embarrassing! Once he gets angry, there is no telling what he might say. I think I am going to try that book someone just recommended...The Incredible 5 Point scale! He seems to be sorry for what he says later on, he just can't control it in the moment. We tried the anger thermometer, but all he would go is point out hpw he was at the top of the thermometer when he was mad. There is never an in between with him! I think the key is teaching them not to get that

point!>> I have an eight year old son who was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 6. He is generally good spirited, fun and loving - except when he tantrums. Mostly when he gets angry he is violent in his actions (though sometimes he threatens) he is angry in his words. I have said this to a counselor before and they laughed and said, "Typical Aspie". But is it? Is it typical for Aspie's to use such angry talk like that? Any responses are welcomed.>

[Guest guest]

I apologize to all who responded for not seeing them sooner. - You gave me such

encouragement that I am not a bad mom, that I am not the problem and I thank

each of you for that. To know that I am not alone in this little adventure is

so freeing.

Thank YOU!

>

> I have an eight year old son who was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 6.

He is generally good spirited, fun and loving - except when he tantrums. Mostly

when he gets angry he is violent in his actions (though sometimes he threatens)

he is angry in his words. I have said this to a counselor before and they

laughed and said, " Typical Aspie " . But is it? Is it typical for Aspie's to use

such angry talk like that? Any responses are welcomed.

>

[Guest guest]

my son is also 8 and is loving, fun, happy child, but when he has a meltdown or tantrums, he is exactly the same, he gets very angry, and from the very beginning I punished his way of showing anger so, he just grumbles now and I usually send him to his room to cool down and after we can "talk" about what is bothering him. He is used to that now, but to answer you, yes he sounds like a typical asp, the important thing is to teach him to breath, to self control and to see himself getting angry, sometimes I joke and brake the tantrum like that because he finds what I said funny, so he has to laugh, but most of the times I explain that I cannot tolerate disrespect so I calmly send him to his room.Hope it helps,From: bratt_behm <bratt_behm@...> Sent: Thu, January 20, 2011 5:54:53 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Angry

words

I apologize to all who responded for not seeing them sooner. - You gave me such encouragement that I am not a bad mom, that I am not the problem and I thank each of you for that. To know that I am not alone in this little adventure is so freeing.

Thank YOU!

>

> I have an eight year old son who was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 6. He is generally good spirited, fun and loving - except when he tantrums. Mostly when he gets angry he is violent in his actions (though sometimes he threatens) he is angry in his words. I have said this to a counselor before and they laughed and said, "Typical Aspie". But is it? Is it typical for Aspie's to use such angry talk like that? Any responses are welcomed.

>