RE: Disastrous Halloween

[Guest guest]

You are the parent.  Not your mother.  Setting boundaries with our parents regarding our children is healthy.  It doesn't matter what diagnosis or any a child has.  If a babysitter spoke to your child that way would you fire her?  Why is acceptable behavior then from family?  It took me a while to learn to set boundaries with my family regarding my children, but looking back and regarding how I act now, they (my parents) know my rules and what behavior from them I allow and won't and the consequences of not respecting me as the parent and my boundaries is my removing myself and my family from the situation untila time (some times its a long long time) in the future, when they can respect my wishes.  The hard part is to stay as calm as possible, which often means removing yourself and your family from the situation till all parties are rational.  good luck!!

Anne

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my

child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend

was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my

8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make

you sit at the table all night!"

I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the

situation deteriorated from there.

-

[Guest guest]

They will get over it. My mom had to sit my dad down the other day because he was ignoring my neice who is 2 because she did something that upset him. Basically she is acting her age. And yes we've all gotten lectures about our parenting. Finally after my mom basically told him she was going to start leaving him at home so she could see her grandchildren he started to straighten up his act. My father can't deal with tamptrums....never could. But he is at least starting to take an interest in my son. Actually he has been encouraging which is great.

As far as your actions are concerned I agree wholeheartedly with you. You've got to stick up for your childrent that is all there is to it because they are so young they can't do so for themselves yet.

As far as the trip goes when I was a kid I liked it best to be at home on Christmas. So only go if your kids are really on board with it. Plus make sure you've got your rainy day money set aside. Your family has sooooo much more stress. You don't need any financial stress to pile on to it. Knowing nothing of these matters I'm just throwing that out there.

From: pabernius <pabernius@...>Subject: ( ) Disastrous Halloween Date: Monday, November 8, 2010, 2:18 PM

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.Needless to say, my family

is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough. Patti

[Guest guest]

well done!! Sounds like a plan...they'll be other Christmases. Maybe send your mom an Aspy book & a lump of coal. People need to step out of the dark ages & recognize that millions of kids have Aspergers. Make magic in Mexico for them to never forget

From: pabernius@...Date: Mon, 8 Nov 2010 19:18:58 +0000Subject: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.Needless to say, my family is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough. Patti

[Guest guest]

Wow Patti, I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through that and with your family for starters. It's bad enough the crap we get from the school's and strangers.

No, I don't think your a horrible parent, your husband and kids come FIRST. Why spend the holidays with a pending headache from your other family members who will most likely make if difficult to enjoy. If they can't understand or try then what do they expect! Come on now. I'm sorry I'm feeling your anger and I say go and enjoy Mexico. Margarita, here I come, lol.

-

From: pabernius <pabernius@...>Subject: ( ) Disastrous Halloween Date: Monday, November 8, 2010, 2:18 PM

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.Needless to say, my family

is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough. Patti

[Guest guest]

You did the right thing. It's not your Mom's job to force her grandkids to eat!

Sheesh! Yelling at Aspies never works. It just makes them more anxious. You

need to take some time for yourselves until the rest of your family accepts the

dx.

The situation with my in-laws is sort of similar, but also opposite. My Aspie

daughter's problems are all minimized, " She's just being a kid, she's only five,

you know? " My mother-in-law spoils her and undercuts my discipline every time

we visit. It drives me nuts sometimes. It makes me feel like I'm a bad Nazi

mom who never lets her kid have fun.

We just have to live with it. There are a lot of people out there who don't

know what an Aspie family is like. They will question our parenting, and make

us feel like our kids issues are our fault. Talk to the people here who know

better and have been there.

All the best,

>

> I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept

my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween

weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up

screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son " You will eat everything on your plate even if

I have to make you sit at the table all night! "

>

> I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the

situation deteriorated from there.

>

> So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children

receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept

them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family

Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved

for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so

our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.

>

> Needless to say, my family is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and

phone calls have not stopped.

>

> Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for

standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough.

>

> Patti

>

[Guest guest]

You were right in what you did. (I say this as my hand is in the air giving you

a vote of confidence.) Enjoy Mexico and kiss the dolphins

>

> I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept

my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween

weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up

screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son " You will eat everything on your plate even if

I have to make you sit at the table all night! "

>

> I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the

situation deteriorated from there.

>

> So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children

receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept

them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family

Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved

for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so

our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.

>

> Needless to say, my family is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and

phone calls have not stopped.

>

> Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for

standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough.

>

> Patti

>

[Guest guest]

Kudos to you I would have done exactly the same thing!! Now you can have a

somewhat peaceful christmas and not have to explain your childs behavior over

and over and stress about what their views are!! I would have done the same

thing!

>

> You are the parent. Not your mother. Setting boundaries with our parents

regarding our children is healthy. It doesn't matter what diagnosis or any a

child has. If a babysitter spoke to your child that way would you fire her?

Why is acceptable behavior then from family? It took me a while to learn to set

boundaries with my family regarding my children, but looking back and regarding

how I act now, they (my parents) know my rules and what behavior from them I

allow and won't and the consequences of not respecting me as the parent and my

boundaries is my removing myself and my family from the situation untila time

(some times its a long long time) in the future, when they can respect my

wishes. The hard part is to stay as calm as possible, which often means

removing yourself and your family from the situation till all parties are

rational. good luck!!

>

>

> Anne

>

>

> I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept

my

> child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend

> was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at

my

> 8 y.o. Aspie son " You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make

> you sit at the table all night! "

>

> I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the

> situation deteriorated from there.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> -

>

[Guest guest]

No you are not bad parents. You are just advocating for them. Send them the book...Geeks,Freeks and Aspergers. That was a good book. Have them rent the video "Adam". After that if they don't understand or are not willing to accept...keep some distance for a while. Maybe visit your mom or relatives w/out your child. And, make it clear you are not going to discuss how you parent them.

I had a friend like that.....she was always in my son's face. He would constantly repeat his questions....why can't they come over. Can they come over. etc. etc. And, she would say, NO is no and when are you going to learn that. And, then there was her son who was younger and would always pick on his older sister (my son's age). My son would protect her and then get in trouble because this boy would tattle on my son (of course he would not mention what he did first).

Raising a child with AS is difficult alone but then you get all these other people commenting and telling you what to do. You know what to do...you are informed on AS...so keep doing what you are and ignore them. It is hard...especially being that they are relatives. I lost many friends due to this and had to bite my tongue other times. I just get so tired of peole trying to say they are doing this on purpose or whatever...they think we are just using AS as an excuse. I beleive that my son should be disciplined if he does something wrong...but I want them to understand that he isn't always doing it because he "wants to" a lot depends on the situation. My son has served time in in-school or lunch detetention because I am hoping he will learn from it. He may not as he loves in-school. But, he wants to be treated like all the other students and he needs to learn in real life there are

consequences.

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: teddy bouzounis <rivrraid@...>Aspergers Treatment Sent: Tue, November 9, 2010 11:40:58 AMSubject: RE: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

well done!! Sounds like a plan...they'll be other Christmases. Maybe send your mom an Aspy book & a lump of coal. People need to step out of the dark ages & recognize that millions of kids have Aspergers. Make magic in Mexico for them to never forget

From: pabernius@...Date: Mon, 8 Nov 2010 19:18:58 +0000Subject: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.Needless

to say, my family is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough. Patti

[Guest guest]

Patti,

You're not terrible parents, you're right on! High five to you!!! We've had to do the same thing in the past. They came around after a while when they realized we were serious. We still proceed with caution around certain family members. Our kids get enough negativity from the outside world, why should they have to deal with it from family?? You are right to protect your child from ANYONE who might cause them pain. ne

From: pabernius <pabernius@...>Subject: ( ) Disastrous Halloween Date: Monday, November 8, 2010, 2:18 PM

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.Needless to say, my family

is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough. Patti

[Guest guest]

I cannot commend you enough. Family is so very hard to deal with when you have a child on the spectrum. I get the well meaning "every child does that"...and I push it off. I think what you are doing is AWESOME. Why be around someone when they are just being toxic and when the situation at times can be so fragile it's more hassle to you and destructive for your children! ((((((Hugs))))))!!

Mom to my 4 girls

Madeline, Cayla, Arabella, & Vincenza

"You are the TRIP I did not take

You are the PEARLS I cannot buy

You are the blue Italian LAKE

YOU are my piece of foreign SKY"

---Anne ----

( ) Disastrous Halloween

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"

I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.

So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.

Needless to say, my family is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.

Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough.

Patti

[Guest guest]

Good for you, Patti. You are not horrible at all! Have a wonderful Holiday!! Take loads of pictures so you can enjoy the moments. And if the nasty emails don't end, change your email addy. They will get over it eventually, but probably not too soon.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Disastrous Halloween

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"

I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.

So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.

Needless to say, my family is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.

Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough.

Patti

[Guest guest]

Hugs to you, Patti.

What a horrible, hard time for you guys.......but what amazing parents your on has.

Have a wonderul vacation.

You will never look back when your kids are raised and wonder why you didn't stick up for him (especially at that instance).

You've done what you've had to do.........

Again, hugs.

Robin

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY

WHAT YOU DID OR WHAT YOU SAID,

BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER

HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Disastrous Halloween Date: Sunday, November 14, 2010, 5:22 PM

Good for you, Patti. You are not horrible at all! Have a wonderful Holiday!! Take loads of pictures so you can enjoy the moments. And if the nasty emails don't end, change your email addy. They will get over it eventually, but probably not too soon.

Roxanna"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Disastrous Halloween

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.Needless to say, my family

is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough. Patti

[Guest guest]

Patti, you are not horrible at ALL. You are not only standing up for yourselves, but for your children. If your family can not see how special your children are it is there loss.Have a WONDERFUL time in Mexico!! From: pabernius@...Date: Mon, 8 Nov 2010 19:18:58 +0000Subject: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"

I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.

So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.

Needless to say, my family is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.

Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough.

Patti

[Guest guest]

Thank you for your response. Your lump of coal idea just made me laugh out loud! And thanks so much for the support. PattiFrom: teddy bouzounis <rivrraid@...>Aspergers Treatment Sent: Tue, November 9, 2010 10:40:58 AMSubject: RE:

( ) Disastrous Halloween

well done!! Sounds like a plan...they'll be other Christmases. Maybe send your mom an Aspy book & a lump of coal. People need to step out of the dark ages & recognize that millions of kids have Aspergers. Make magic in Mexico for them to never forget

From: pabernius@...Date: Mon, 8 Nov 2010 19:18:58 +0000Subject: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.Needless to say, my family is

furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough. Patti

[Guest guest]

, thanks for the encouragement. I have to admit that I am feeling less and less guilty about skipping the family gathering. Looking forward to a real vacation is doing wonders for my nerves!PattiFrom: erduckjr <erduckjr@...> Sent: Tue, November 9, 2010 1:49:15 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Disastrous Halloween

You were right in what you did. (I say this as my hand is in the air giving you a vote of confidence.) Enjoy Mexico and kiss the dolphins

>

> I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"

>

> I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.

>

> So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.

>

> Needless to say, my family is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.

>

> Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough.

>

> Patti

>

[Guest guest]

Jan:Thanks so much for your words of wisdom. I picked up the book and I love it! And you are right, I have to give myself permission to keep some distance. I really wish my extended family would make more effort to understand what goes on in our house and how many battles I face on a daily basis. But I have to stop wishing and rely on the fact that I know I am doing the best I can for my children and it's making a difference.Thanks for the encouragement.PattiFrom: rushen janice <jrushen@...> Sent: Tue, November 9, 2010 5:58:05 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

No you are not bad parents. You are just advocating for them. Send them the book...Geeks,Freeks and Aspergers. That was a good book. Have them rent the video "Adam". After that if they don't understand or are not willing to accept...keep some distance for a while. Maybe visit your mom or relatives w/out your child. And, make it clear you are not going to discuss how you parent them.

I had a friend like that.....she was always in my son's face. He would constantly repeat his questions....why can't they come over. Can they come over. etc. etc. And, she would say, NO is no and when are you going to learn that. And, then there was her son who was younger and would always pick on his older sister (my son's age). My son would protect her and then get in trouble because this boy would tattle on my son (of course he would not mention what he did first).

Raising a child with AS is difficult alone but then you get all these other people commenting and telling you what to do. You know what to do...you are informed on AS...so keep doing what you are and ignore them. It is hard...especially being that they are relatives. I lost many friends due to this and had to bite my tongue other times. I just get so tired of peole trying to say they are doing this on purpose or whatever...they think we are just using AS as an excuse. I beleive that my son should be disciplined if he does something wrong...but I want them to understand that he isn't always doing it because he "wants to" a lot depends on the situation. My son has served time in in-school or lunch detetention because I am hoping he will learn from it. He may not as he loves in-school. But, he wants to be treated like all the other students and he needs to learn in real life there are

consequences.

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: teddy bouzounis <rivrraid@...>Aspergers Treatment Sent: Tue, November 9, 2010 11:40:58 AMSubject: RE: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

well done!! Sounds like a plan...they'll be other Christmases. Maybe send your mom an Aspy book & a lump of coal. People need to step out of the dark ages & recognize that millions of kids have Aspergers. Make magic in Mexico for them to never forget

From: pabernius@...Date: Mon, 8 Nov 2010 19:18:58 +0000Subject: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.Needless

to say, my family is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough. Patti

[Guest guest]

ne:Thanks for giving me permission to do what I know is right. And you're right, why should my kids (or I) have to suffer negativity from family members when there's so much of it to be had from the rest of the world! Well said!PattiFrom: susanne hansen <s_hansen34@...> Sent: Tue, November 9, 2010 10:10:40 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

Patti,

You're not terrible parents, you're right on! High five to you!!! We've had to do the same thing in the past. They came around after a while when they realized we were serious. We still proceed with caution around certain family members. Our kids get enough negativity from the outside world, why should they have to deal with it from family?? You are right to protect your child from ANYONE who might cause them pain. ne

From: pabernius <pabernius@...>Subject: ( ) Disastrous Halloween Date: Monday, November 8, 2010, 2:18 PM

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.Needless to say, my family

is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough. Patti

[Guest guest]

:Thank you for your kind words. Toxic is a great way to describe my family situation. I'm going to remember that one! And I sure do appreciate the support.PattiFrom: patricia <Zazoo81198@...> Sent: Wed, November 10, 2010 8:20:15 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

I cannot commend you enough. Family is so very hard to deal with when you have a child on the spectrum. I get the well meaning "every child does that"...and I push it off. I think what you are doing is AWESOME. Why be around someone when they are just being toxic and when the situation at times can be so fragile it's more hassle to you and destructive for your children! ((((((Hugs))))))!!

Mom to my 4 girls

Madeline, Cayla, Arabella, & Vincenza

"You are the TRIP I did not take

You are the PEARLS I cannot buy

You are the blue Italian LAKE

YOU are my piece of foreign SKY"

---Anne ----

( ) Disastrous Halloween

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"

I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.

So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.

Needless to say, my family is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.

Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough.

Patti

[Guest guest]

Roxanna:Thanks for your response, and for making me feel better about taking a drastically different approach to the holidays this year. For the first time I'm looking forward to Christmas and it feels SO amazing! I didn't realize how much pressure I put on myself to participate in Christmas with the extended family and how much it takes out of me to deal with insensitive family members.PattiFrom: Roxanna

<MadIdeas@...> Sent: Sun, November 14, 2010 5:22:24 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

Good for you, Patti. You are not horrible at all! Have a wonderful Holiday!! Take loads of pictures so you can enjoy the moments. And if the nasty emails don't end, change your email addy. They will get over it eventually, but probably not too soon.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Disastrous Halloween

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"

I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.

So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.

Needless to say, my family is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.

Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough.

Patti

[Guest guest]

Robin:Thanks for the hugs and encouragement. You're right, I'm glad I stuck up for my son. And for me too!PattiFrom: and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...> Sent: Sun, November 14, 2010 7:14:18 PMSubject: Re: ( )

Disastrous Halloween

Hugs to you, Patti.

What a horrible, hard time for you guys.......but what amazing parents your on has.

Have a wonderul vacation.

You will never look back when your kids are raised and wonder why you didn't stick up for him (especially at that instance).

You've done what you've had to do.........

Again, hugs.

Robin

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY

WHAT YOU DID OR WHAT YOU SAID,

BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER

HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Disastrous Halloween Date: Sunday, November 14, 2010, 5:22 PM

Good for you, Patti. You are not horrible at all! Have a wonderful Holiday!! Take loads of pictures so you can enjoy the moments. And if the nasty emails don't end, change your email addy. They will get over it eventually, but probably not too soon.

Roxanna"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Disastrous Halloween

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.Needless to say, my family

is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough. Patti

[Guest guest]

Barbara:You're right, I can't force my family to see how great my kids are in spite of all their issues. And I need to stop expending all my energy trying to make them see that. I will raise my pina colada glass to everyone on this list while we're on vacation!PattiFrom: Barbara Pinckney <b-pinckney@...>Aspergers Treatment Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 2:00:38 PMSubject: RE: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

Patti, you are not horrible at ALL. You are not only standing up for yourselves, but for your children. If your family can not see how special your children are it is there loss.Have a WONDERFUL time in Mexico!! From: pabernius@...Date: Mon, 8 Nov 2010 19:18:58 +0000Subject: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"

I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.

So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.

Needless to say, my family is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.

Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough.

Patti

[Guest guest]

Oh yum, Pina Coladas! Have one for me From: pabernius@...Date: Wed, 17 Nov 2010 08:27:57 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

Barbara:You're right, I can't force my family to see how great my kids are in spite of all their issues. And I need to stop expending all my energy trying to make them see that. I will raise my pina colada glass to everyone on this list while we're on vacation!PattiFrom: Barbara Pinckney <b-pinckney@...>Aspergers Treatment Sent: Mon, November 15, 2010 2:00:38 PMSubject: RE: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

Patti, you are not horrible at ALL. You are not only standing up for yourselves, but for your children. If your family can not see how special your children are it is there loss.Have a WONDERFUL time in Mexico!! From: pabernius@...Date: Mon, 8 Nov 2010 19:18:58 +0000Subject: ( ) Disastrous Halloween

I'm one of those many parents in this group whose family members won't accept my child's Asperger's/autism diagnosis. (I have one of each.) Halloween weekend was the last straw for me. Long story short, my mother ended up screaming at my 8 y.o. Aspie son "You will eat everything on your plate even if I have to make you sit at the table all night!"

I ended up having to physically shove her away from my son's chair, and the situation deteriorated from there.

So I decided that I have had it. I'm sick of the bullying that my children receive from family members who are too narrow-minded to understand and accept them. DH and I have announced that we will NOT be attending the family Christmas gathering. Instead, we have decided to spend the money we have saved for replacing the broken back patio on a family trip to Mexico over Christmas so our boys can see the ocean, play on the beach and swim with dolphins.

Needless to say, my family is furious and horrified and the nasty emails and phone calls have not stopped.

Please someone on this list tell me that we are not horrible parents for standing up for ourselves and saying enough is enough.

Patti

[Guest guest]

I think you just started a wonderful new family tradition. You are an

inspiration to all of us. Who says we have to let other people verbally abuse

our children?

Inez