Re: How do ya'll deal....?

October 19, 2009

I know this is hard, really hard!, to do in the moment like that, but I would always give him a warning if he's about to get a consequence, like not getting something for how he behaved. This is how I was taught to do it, and depending upon the situation, I might give him one extra chance. So he'd do something inappropriate and I'd ask him nicely to please stop doing something (if I was really good, I turn it around into a positive statement, so instead of "stop screaming" I'd say "please use your inside voice.") If he kept doing it, I'd say "if you don't stop screaming, you are going to be in a timeout." If he kept on, I'd say "last chance - if you don't stop screaming, you will be in a timeout." If he kept on, I'd put him in a timeout. Timeouts lasted 2 minutes in our house when we first started. I think that's what made this all possible b/c it wasn't that

long of a time, so it was easier for him to do it. As he got older, they increased a bit (we started when he was 5.) These timeouts were important not only for him, but for me too. It would take the intensity out of the situation so I could calm down and refocus myself. At the end, I'd go over to him and remind him why he was in a timeout and then we'd talk about what happened so we were both on the same page.

The other reason I think this worked with Dylan is b/c I was also just as quick to give him a compliment for behaving appropriately. Even if it was something not obvious "Thank you for walking with me in the store. You are doing such a great job!", I'd praise him for doing the right thing quite a bit. I think it helped set a tone.

Just so everyone knows...he didn't just miraculously start behaving better overnight or anything. Turning his behavior around and reducing the meltdowns took years to happen, but it happened. I think he liked the timeouts too b/c he could predict when they would happen (I was very consistent with them) and we all know how many of our Aspergers kids like routine so it was a good fit for us.

So, in summary...

catch them being good, for any positive behavior, no matter how small

praise good behavior instead of pointing out bad behavior, whenever you can

if they do something inappropriate, nicely ask them to stop. I always start the request with a "please"

if they keep doing it, specifically tell them what they are doing wrong and let them know if they do not stop, they will be in a timeout

if they keep doing it, remind them "last chance" and repeat what you just said above

if they keep doing it, put them in a 2-minute timeout in a place without visual stimulation. They can sit there facing outward, not saying we need a nose to the wall or anything.

if they are quiet and don't get up, after 2 minutes, go sit down with them, explain why they were in a timeout, and end it with a hug and a "I love you."

if they are loud or get up, the timeout starts over

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Chambers <missjen0124@...> Sent: Monday, October 19, 2009 6:41:53 AMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I don't walk on eggshells anymore with my son, it's more of he wishes I did, and that's why he's always angry. NOTHING is ever his fault, everything is someone else. He pushed my cart in the store yesterday because I told him that I wasn't getting him something, and I said, "Ok, you're definitely not getting this today, because you almost made me knock over a whole shelf of food" and he said "well it was your fault for yelling at me!" granted, yelling at him requires me to speak above a whisper!

From: rushen janice <jrushen (DOT) com> Sent: Sun, October 18, 2009 5:21:21 PMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

,

You are not alone...my son treats us terribly. ...both my husband and I. If I tell him to do something... he says he will...but never does. So when I ask him again...he screams at me.

As for homework...he wants nothing to do with it. He will take an F. He doesn't care. I have to help with him with everything.. .

His anger is horrible.... when he comes home from school I don't talk to him for an hour ...I wait for him to talk to me. I believe he has ODD too! He is always angry especially with us.

What to do ...I am not sure...nothing has really worked for us...I keep telling my husband to do nothing for him. One time I was so angry ....I wanted to smash his Xbox but didn't. I would like to take it away. But, I get no backing from my husband. Plus he doesn't have many friends...

But I hear you....I truly do. And, when he was young...I did what your mother is doing ...I spoiled him. I stopped but we have a long ways to go.

jan

Janice Rushen

& nbsp;

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Chambers <missjen0124>Aspergers Treatment < >Sent: Sun, October 18, 2009 3:06:42 PMSubject: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I was just wondering how many parents have the problem of their children being just completely HATEFUL to them. I swear, I think my son really hates me when he says he hates me. He was diagnosed with ODD a year ago, before he was dx'd with ASD, but ODD doesn't even come close to how I feel he acts. Something as small as, "nicolas, please get down from there" if we're in the store, and he climbs on the racks. and he screams "you never let me do anything, because you hate me"...that is just one example of about a million. And it happens all day everyday. "No, you can't have a toy, you haven't earned the points for one this time"(he earns points throughout the day, and so many points equal different privleges) he says "oh yes I will" and if I say no to that, he starts to push me or hit me.

Is my child displaying typical behaviors of an Aspie? He only became like this recently (like the last month) and it has escalated even more since I've been staying with my mom (temporarily) , because he gets EVERYTHING he wants from her, because she thinks that everything he does should be excused because he has a "disability" . I'm pretty patient with my son, but it gets to the point where he talks down to me so much, I just ignore him while he bashes me, because if I speak to him, I'll get even more upset.

I love my son so much, and fight for him daily, while I watch him treat me like dirt. I feel like there's nothing I can do to make him happy with me, unless it's obey his every command. I asked what he wanted to do for his george washington project, and he said "nothing, you're going to do it for me". I didn't even know what to say to that. We used to be best friends, and no matter how he acted at school, he was my little buddy. Now, I don't even want to be around him sometimes. I hope I'm not the only one who is going through this.. I definitely need help!

October 19, 2009

I'm not trying to come across as negative. If I believe strongly about something, I post. My interpretation of a support group isn't to just go along with what everyone is saying b/c everyone is saying it. I also get worried about the people on here who don't ever post or post infrequently reading some of these stories and thinking this is attributable to all children with Aspergers. My son doesn't tell me he hates me or wishes I were dead. I don't want anyone to think this is just something you have to accept if your child has Aspergers.

I don't consider Aspergers a "mental" condition; it's a neurological disorder. I would classify things like bi-polar disorder, depression, and schizophrenia as mental problems.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Monday, October 19, 2009 7:52:15 AMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

Yep and I thought this was a support group. You come across really negative, and defensive sometimes. Your sons brain doesn't function the same as NT children, and although I am much against labels, doesn't that make it a mental condition? What do you class your son as?

From: MacAllister <smacalli (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? Date: Monday, 19 October, 2009, 3:19

My son has Aspergers, not a "mental condition," unless you consider a neurological problem a mental condition. But what I'm saying is, it's not typical to have a child w/ an Asperger's diagnosis to verbally berate those around him/her. I'm sure if you put other conditions with it like bi-polar (like you mentioned below), you might have a different situation, but I thought the question was if this was typical w/ Aspergers.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Debra Balke <dlbalkecharter (DOT) net> Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 8:33:23 PMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I would disagree. Not so much that it isn't typical of Aspergers, but it is typical of Aspergers Plus kinds of kids. So, Aspergers plus ODD or ADHD, or Bipolar, or plus whatever you want to call it. My kids were both similar, the younger much worse. Time outs don't work great for bipolar, psychosis, etc. So, we tried perfect limit setting, consequences, ABA, behavior mod, etc. to death, doing exactly what the behaviorists recommended, and the fact of the matter is, you just can't behavior mod some mental disorders away, no matter how much you try. So, after 11 years of my son, when my daughter came around with the same behaviors starting around age 9, we tried the behavior mod, consequences, etc. etc., but quickly realized it wasn't going to fix it and it needed meds. With my son we tried so hard at behavior modification. So, so, so, SO hard at it and it just didn't

work. Sure, you certainly CAN make the situation worse by giving into the behaviors and not setting limits but there are many mental conditions that you can't fix with good limit setting. Just my thoughts on the matter.

From: MacAllister

Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 4:52 PM

Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

Not typical.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Jen Marks <barefootmamma@ sbcglobal. net> Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 4:58:03 PMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I wish I had some solutions for you. Mine can do this too. We go through phases when it is more prevalent. He does scream at me that he hates me and throws in that he wishes I would die, or leave, and sometimes that he will kill me or kill himself. So I don't know if it's typical or not, but I do have those experiences as well.

Jen

From: Chambers <missjen0124>Aspergers Treatment < >Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 3:06:42 PMSubject: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I was just wondering how many parents have the problem of their children being just completely HATEFUL to them. I swear, I think my son really hates me when he says he hates me. He was diagnosed with ODD a year ago, before he was dx'd with ASD, but ODD doesn't even come close to how I feel he acts. Something as small as, "nicolas, please get down from there" if we're in the store, and he climbs on the racks. and he screams "you never let me do anything, because you hate me"...that is just one example of about a million. And it happens all day everyday. "No, you can't have a toy, you haven't earned the points for one this time"(he earns points throughout the day, and so many points equal different privleges) he says "oh yes I will" and if I say no to that, he starts to push me or hit me.

Is my child displaying typical behaviors of an Aspie? He only became like this recently (like the last month) and it has escalated even more since I've been staying with my mom (temporarily) , because he gets EVERYTHING he wants from her, because she thinks that everything he does should be excused because he has a "disability" . I'm pretty patient with my son, but it gets to the point where he talks down to me so much, I just ignore him while he bashes me, because if I speak to him, I'll get even more upset.

I love my son so much, and fight for him daily, while I watch him treat me like dirt. I feel like there's nothing I can do to make him happy with me, unless it's obey his every command. I asked what he wanted to do for his george washington project, and he said "nothing, you're going to do it for me". I didn't even know what to say to that. We used to be best friends, and no matter how he acted at school, he was my little buddy. Now, I don't even want to be around him sometimes. I hope I'm not the only one who is going through this.. I definitely need help!

October 19, 2009

How old is he again?

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Chambers <missjen0124@...> Sent: Monday, October 19, 2009 7:47:46 AMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I would kill to have my old son back...he never was like this until this school year, he used to love me.. now he just thinks I'm the worst thing in his life.

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@ .co. uk> Sent: Mon, October 19, 2009 8:44:32 AMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

Not typical in your experience . Perhaps we should say there is no typical Aspergers each child has their own ways. Not really our place to judge, but it can be helpful to share experiences so people know it not just happening to them. More of us seem to have had some experience of this type of thing, if you haven't lucky you.

Lor B

From: MacAllister <smacalli (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? Date: Monday, 19 October, 2009, 0:52

Not typical.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Jen Marks <barefootmamma@ sbcglobal. net> Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 4:58:03 PMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I wish I had some solutions for you. Mine can do this too. We go through phases when it is more prevalent. He does scream at me that he hates me and throws in that he wishes I would die, or leave, and sometimes that he will kill me or kill himself. So I don't know if it's typical or not, but I do have those experiences as well.

Jen

From: Chambers <missjen0124>Aspergers Treatment < >Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 3:06:42 PMSubject: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I was just wondering how many parents have the problem of their children being just completely HATEFUL to them. I swear, I think my son really hates me when he says he hates me. He was diagnosed with ODD a year ago, before he was dx'd with ASD, but ODD doesn't even come close to how I feel he acts. Something as small as, "nicolas, please get down from there" if we're in the store, and he climbs on the racks. and he screams "you never let me do anything, because you hate me"...that is just one example of about a million. And it happens all day everyday. "No, you can't have a toy, you haven't earned the points for one this time"(he earns points throughout the day, and so many points equal different privleges) he says "oh yes I will" and if I say no to that, he starts to push me or hit me.

Is my child displaying typical behaviors of an Aspie? He only became like this recently (like the last month) and it has escalated even more since I've been staying with my mom (temporarily) , because he gets EVERYTHING he wants from her, because she thinks that everything he does should be excused because he has a "disability" . I'm pretty patient with my son, but it gets to the point where he talks down to me so much, I just ignore him while he bashes me, because if I speak to him, I'll get even more upset.

I love my son so much, and fight for him daily, while I watch him treat me like dirt. I feel like there's nothing I can do to make him happy with me, unless it's obey his every command. I asked what he wanted to do for his george washington project, and he said "nothing, you're going to do it for me". I didn't even know what to say to that. We used to be best friends, and no matter how he acted at school, he was my little buddy. Now, I don't even want to be around him sometimes. I hope I'm not the only one who is going through this.. I definitely need help!

October 19, 2009

He is 7. So I'm scared if he's this bad now, its only going to get worse. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerryFrom: MacAllister <smacalli@...>Date: Mon, 19 Oct 2009 07:07:22 -0700 (PDT)< >Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? How old is he again? "Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."From: Chambers <missjen0124 > Sent: Monday, October 19, 2009 7:47:46 AMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? I would kill to have my old son back...he never was like this until this school year, he used to love me.. now he just thinks I'm the worst thing in his life. From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@ .co. uk> Sent: Mon, October 19, 2009 8:44:32 AMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? Not typical in your experience . Perhaps we should say there is no typical Aspergers each child has their own ways. Not really our place to judge, but it can be helpful to share experiences so people know it not just happening to them. More of us seem to have had some experience of this type of thing, if you haven't lucky you. Lor BFrom: MacAllister <smacalli (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? Date: Monday, 19 October, 2009, 0:52 Not typical. "Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out." From: Jen Marks <barefootmamma@ sbcglobal. net> Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 4:58:03 PMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? I wish I had some solutions for you. Mine can do this too. We go through phases when it is more prevalent. He does scream at me that he hates me and throws in that he wishes I would die, or leave, and sometimes that he will kill me or kill himself. So I don't know if it's typical or not, but I do have those experiences as well.JenFrom: Chambers <missjen0124>Aspergers Treatment < >Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 3:06:42 PMSubject: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? I was just wondering how many parents have the problem of their children being just completely HATEFUL to them. I swear, I think my son really hates me when he says he hates me. He was diagnosed with ODD a year ago, before he was dx'd with ASD, but ODD doesn't even come close to how I feel he acts. Something as small as, "nicolas, please get down from there" if we're in the store, and he climbs on the racks. and he screams "you never let me do anything, because you hate me"...that is just one example of about a million. And it happens all day everyday. "No, you can't have a toy, you haven't earned the points for one this time"(he earns points throughout the day, and so many points equal different privleges) he says "oh yes I will" and if I say no to that, he starts to push me or hit me. Is my child displaying typical behaviors of an Aspie? He only became like this recently (like the last month) and it has escalated even more since I've been staying with my mom (temporarily) , because he gets EVERYTHING he wants from her, because she thinks that everything he does should be excused because he has a "disability" . I'm pretty patient with my son, but it gets to the point where he talks down to me so much, I just ignore him while he bashes me, because if I speak to him, I'll get even more upset. I love my son so much, and fight for him daily, while I watch him treat me like dirt. I feel like there's nothing I can do to make him happy with me, unless it's obey his every command. I asked what he wanted to do for his george washington project, and he said "nothing, you're going to do it for me". I didn't even know what to say to that. We used to be best friends, and no matter how he acted at school, he was my little buddy. Now, I don't even want to be around him sometimes. I hope I'm not the only one who is going through this.. I definitely need help!

October 19, 2009

If the question is "is this typical?" am I only supposed to respond if I think it is? If I don't think it's typical, I should keep my mouth shut?Don't you have to read the story and make a judgment about what the poster is saying in order to know how to respond? I don't think this type of behavior (your child saying they hate you and wish you would die) is typical. I'm not sure why that is insulting to you? I totally agree with your statement "Perhaps we should say there is no typical Aspergers each child has their own ways." I also think we have to be careful and not blame Aspergers for everything that is wrong with our children. There are plenty of neurotypical children who say mean and hateful things, like the poster's son below. It has nothing to do with Aspergers. Although I think the challenging part is how you modify behavior like that when

the child has Aspergers. Makes it more difficult, but it's possible.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Monday, October 19, 2009 7:44:32 AMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

Not typical in your experience . Perhaps we should say there is no typical Aspergers each child has their own ways. Not really our place to judge, but it can be helpful to share experiences so people know it not just happening to them. More of us seem to have had some experience of this type of thing, if you haven't lucky you.

Lor B

From: MacAllister <smacalli (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? Date: Monday, 19 October, 2009, 0:52

Not typical.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Jen Marks <barefootmamma@ sbcglobal. net> Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 4:58:03 PMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I wish I had some solutions for you. Mine can do this too. We go through phases when it is more prevalent. He does scream at me that he hates me and throws in that he wishes I would die, or leave, and sometimes that he will kill me or kill himself. So I don't know if it's typical or not, but I do have those experiences as well.

Jen

From: Chambers <missjen0124>Aspergers Treatment < >Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 3:06:42 PMSubject: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I was just wondering how many parents have the problem of their children being just completely HATEFUL to them. I swear, I think my son really hates me when he says he hates me. He was diagnosed with ODD a year ago, before he was dx'd with ASD, but ODD doesn't even come close to how I feel he acts. Something as small as, "nicolas, please get down from there" if we're in the store, and he climbs on the racks. and he screams "you never let me do anything, because you hate me"...that is just one example of about a million. And it happens all day everyday. "No, you can't have a toy, you haven't earned the points for one this time"(he earns points throughout the day, and so many points equal different privleges) he says "oh yes I will" and if I say no to that, he starts to push me or hit me.

Is my child displaying typical behaviors of an Aspie? He only became like this recently (like the last month) and it has escalated even more since I've been staying with my mom (temporarily) , because he gets EVERYTHING he wants from her, because she thinks that everything he does should be excused because he has a "disability" . I'm pretty patient with my son, but it gets to the point where he talks down to me so much, I just ignore him while he bashes me, because if I speak to him, I'll get even more upset.

I love my son so much, and fight for him daily, while I watch him treat me like dirt. I feel like there's nothing I can do to make him happy with me, unless it's obey his every command. I asked what he wanted to do for his george washington project, and he said "nothing, you're going to do it for me". I didn't even know what to say to that. We used to be best friends, and no matter how he acted at school, he was my little buddy. Now, I don't even want to be around him sometimes. I hope I'm not the only one who is going through this.. I definitely need help!

October 19, 2009

Just want to be clear...I have compassion for you. This has to be so hard to deal with. I suspect you react a certain way when he's mean to you like this (which he might feed off of, in a weird way) and maybe he's trying to punish you for your living situation right now? It sounds like there are other things going in your home life besides your son having Aspergers that must make it difficult for everyone. I had a tough four years in a bad relationship and I know it caused my son more stress. He witnessed things and heard things he never should've seen or heard. And like any child, he acted out at times to deal with it. But this wasn't specific to his Aspergers, it was more specific to living in a chaotic household with a lot of fighting and it was more problematic for me b/c of his Aspergers. Does that make sense?

If there is anyway you can find some counseling, I'd encourage it. If you can't, just remind yourself you are doing the best you can do. Doesn't mean you should throw your hands up in the air and give up, but give yourself a break. I used to beat myself up b/c I didn't think I was a good mom but I realized over time it was more of the situation and less about me personally.

If you ever want to just chat outside of this listserv, feel free to email me directly. I suspect we might have some things in common and maybe I can help you. Once you get better in your own head about yourself and your life, it makes it easier (not EASY, but easier) to deal with kid issues.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Chambers <missjen0124@...> Sent: Monday, October 19, 2009 7:06:06 AMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

,

I have definitely tried timeout, time and time and time again...nothing works as long as I'm staying with my mother. This morning for example, I went out of my way to make him a waffle for breakfast, a special lunch, and he was happy, so he had a little bit of time extra before we had to go to school. When it was time to go, I said "nicolas, time for school", which prompted, "why are you so horrible to me?!" and telling me I hated him for making him go to school, because he wants to stay home and watch TV. REALLY?! In his eyes I do nothing right. So on the way to school I said "what kind of privlege would you like to earn for getting through a whole day without screaming or hitting/kicking someone" and he said he wants to go to the park after school, so I said "ok, great, we'll do that as long as you follow directions, and keep your hands/feet to yourself, and don't throw furniture" he said "Why are you so mean?!

you always tell me to do those things!!!" so I continued to say as calm as possible "nicolas, i'm giving you a choice, follow directions today and we'll go to the park, don't and we won't" so he yelled at me some more. When he got out of the car, I told him I loved him, and he wouldn't say it back. He never says it back anymore, I tell him at least a few times a day, and he says "no you don't, you hate me". I don't know when I turned into such a bad guy. I know I need to get out of my mom's house!!! my family has our own Townhouse that we're paying rent for, and I can't even live there right now! UGH!!!

From: MacAllister <smacalli (DOT) com> Sent: Sun, October 18, 2009 7:52:02 PMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

This isn't typical Aspergers. My son can get upset and tell me things like "that's stupid" or "you need to be quiet about that, Mom" but that's about as bad as it gets in terms of how he talks to me.

Don't put up with this. He needs to have consequences for talking to you like that. When he was younger, I'd put my son in a timeout when he did the wrong thing. Some question that on this listserv, but it worked for us and was my saving grace when Dylan was 5 because I was at the end of my rope and my home was a chaotic mess. Timeouts taught him appropriate boundaries and that there are consequences for not making the right choice. If appropriate, I'd verbalize to him how hard it must be to make the right choices sometimes and it's not that I don't love him, it's BECAUSE I love him that I have to hold him accountable or he'll be out of control.

Nobody should be tiptoeing around their child, trying to prevent them from being mad or having a meltdown. That is a horrible way to live. The psychologist who taught me the right way to do timeouts also provided me with one-on-one counseling for half of Dylan's behavior therapy appt time so I could talk through my feelings of everything that was going on. That kind of non-biased help/opinions/ support throughout my son's earlier years was a huge lifesaver for my family. I highly recommend it!

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Chambers <missjen0124>Aspergers Treatment < >Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 2:06:42 PMSubject: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I was just wondering how many parents have the problem of their children being just completely HATEFUL to them. I swear, I think my son really hates me when he says he hates me. He was diagnosed with ODD a year ago, before he was dx'd with ASD, but ODD doesn't even come close to how I feel he acts. Something as small as, "nicolas, please get down from there" if we're in the store, and he climbs on the racks. and he screams "you never let me do anything, because you hate me"...that is just one example of about a million. And it happens all day everyday. "No, you can't have a toy, you haven't earned the points for one this time"(he earns points throughout the day, and so many points equal different privleges) he says "oh yes I will" and if I say no to that, he starts to push me or hit me.

Is my child displaying typical behaviors of an Aspie? He only became like this recently (like the last month) and it has escalated even more since I've been staying with my mom (temporarily) , because he gets EVERYTHING he wants from her, because she thinks that everything he does should be excused because he has a "disability" . I'm pretty patient with my son, but it gets to the point where he talks down to me so much, I just ignore him while he bashes me, because if I speak to him, I'll get even more upset.

I love my son so much, and fight for him daily, while I watch him treat me like dirt. I feel like there's nothing I can do to make him happy with me, unless it's obey his every command. I asked what he wanted to do for his george washington project, and he said "nothing, you're going to do it for me". I didn't even know what to say to that. We used to be best friends, and no matter how he acted at school, he was my little buddy. Now, I don't even want to be around him sometimes. I hope I'm not the only one who is going through this.. I definitely need help!

October 19, 2009

Seven was a tough year for us too. 3-9 was challenging, to be honest. But starting in 4th grade, Dylan really turned a corner and has been getting better and better with every subsequent year (he's now 13.) I already outlined some of what I did to help turn his behavior around in another post. If you can get some effective behavior intervention in place now and be consistent with it, there is hope.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: "missjen0124@..." <missjen0124@...> Sent: Monday, October 19, 2009 9:14:33 AMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

He is 7. So I'm scared if he's this bad now, its only going to get worse. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

From: MacAllister <smacalli (DOT) com>

Date: Mon, 19 Oct 2009 07:07:22 -0700 (PDT)

< >

Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

How old is he again?

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Chambers <missjen0124> Sent: Monday, October 19, 2009 7:47:46 AMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I would kill to have my old son back...he never was like this until this school year, he used to love me.. now he just thinks I'm the worst thing in his life.

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@ .co. uk> Sent: Mon, October 19, 2009 8:44:32 AMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

Not typical in your experience . Perhaps we should say there is no typical Aspergers each child has their own ways. Not really our place to judge, but it can be helpful to share experiences so people know it not just happening to them. More of us seem to have had some experience of this type of thing, if you haven't lucky you.

Lor B

From: MacAllister <smacalli (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? Date: Monday, 19 October, 2009, 0:52

Not typical.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Jen Marks <barefootmamma@ sbcglobal. net> Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 4:58:03 PMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I wish I had some solutions for you. Mine can do this too. We go through phases when it is more prevalent. He does scream at me that he hates me and throws in that he wishes I would die, or leave, and sometimes that he will kill me or kill himself. So I don't know if it's typical or not, but I do have those experiences as well.

Jen

From: Chambers <missjen0124>Aspergers Treatment < >Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 3:06:42 PMSubject: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I was just wondering how many parents have the problem of their children being just completely HATEFUL to them. I swear, I think my son really hates me when he says he hates me. He was diagnosed with ODD a year ago, before he was dx'd with ASD, but ODD doesn't even come close to how I feel he acts. Something as small as, "nicolas, please get down from there" if we're in the store, and he climbs on the racks. and he screams "you never let me do anything, because you hate me"...that is just one example of about a million. And it happens all day everyday. "No, you can't have a toy, you haven't earned the points for one this time"(he earns points throughout the day, and so many points equal different privleges) he says "oh yes I will" and if I say no to that, he starts to push me or hit me.

Is my child displaying typical behaviors of an Aspie? He only became like this recently (like the last month) and it has escalated even more since I've been staying with my mom (temporarily) , because he gets EVERYTHING he wants from her, because she thinks that everything he does should be excused because he has a "disability" . I'm pretty patient with my son, but it gets to the point where he talks down to me so much, I just ignore him while he bashes me, because if I speak to him, I'll get even more upset.

I love my son so much, and fight for him daily, while I watch him treat me like dirt. I feel like there's nothing I can do to make him happy with me, unless it's obey his every command. I asked what he wanted to do for his george washington project, and he said "nothing, you're going to do it for me". I didn't even know what to say to that. We used to be best friends, and no matter how he acted at school, he was my little buddy. Now, I don't even want to be around him sometimes. I hope I'm not the only one who is going through this.. I definitely need help!

October 19, 2009

I think your getting quite hung up on " typical" part of the question, when I read the post I thought it was someone asking has this happened to anyone else, or is it just me that has to deal with this type of behaviour, to which you seemed to reply it just you nobody elses kids do this its just you. But actually a few of us have had similar experiences, are you so sure it has nothing to do with Aspergers because your son doesn't do it, so it doesn't fit? There are lots of things on here that are not applicable to my son, but I just read and don't post, because although it doesn't happen now, there is nothing to say it won't in the future. So, tomorrow if your son tells you that he hates you, will that give you a different perspective? Or are you sure that will never happen?

From: MacAllister <smacalli (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? Date: Monday, 19 October, 2009, 0:52

Not typical.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Jen Marks <barefootmamma@ sbcglobal. net> Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 4:58:03 PMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I wish I had some solutions for you. Mine can do this too. We go through phases when it is more prevalent. He does scream at me that he hates me and throws in that he wishes I would die, or leave, and sometimes that he will kill me or kill himself. So I don't know if it's typical or not, but I do have those experiences as well.

Jen

From: Chambers <missjen0124>Aspergers Treatment < >Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 3:06:42 PMSubject: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I was just wondering how many parents have the problem of their children being just completely HATEFUL to them. I swear, I think my son really hates me when he says he hates me. He was diagnosed with ODD a year ago, before he was dx'd with ASD, but ODD doesn't even come close to how I feel he acts. Something as small as, "nicolas, please get down from there" if we're in the store, and he climbs on the racks. and he screams "you never let me do anything, because you hate me"...that is just one example of about a million. And it happens all day everyday. "No, you can't have a toy, you haven't earned the points for one this time"(he earns points throughout the day, and so many points equal different privleges) he says "oh yes I will" and if I say no to that, he starts to push me or hit me.

Is my child displaying typical behaviors of an Aspie? He only became like this recently (like the last month) and it has escalated even more since I've been staying with my mom (temporarily) , because he gets EVERYTHING he wants from her, because she thinks that everything he does should be excused because he has a "disability" . I'm pretty patient with my son, but it gets to the point where he talks down to me so much, I just ignore him while he bashes me, because if I speak to him, I'll get even more upset.

I love my son so much, and fight for him daily, while I watch him treat me like dirt. I feel like there's nothing I can do to make him happy with me, unless it's obey his every command. I asked what he wanted to do for his george washington project, and he said "nothing, you're going to do it for me". I didn't even know what to say to that. We used to be best friends, and no matter how he acted at school, he was my little buddy. Now, I don't even want to be around him sometimes. I hope I'm not the only one who is going through this.. I definitely need help!

October 19, 2009

lol. This is soo like my son, his Dad gave him a fright once, he launched a full glass of milk into the air, it smashed and went everywhere, I asked what happened did you smash a glass, of course he said no I jumped and it went up in the air then it hit the table, the table smashed it.

It gave us something to laugh about while we cleared it up.

From: Chambers <missjen0124>Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? Date: Monday, 19 October, 2009, 12:41

I don't walk on eggshells anymore with my son, it's more of he wishes I did, and that's why he's always angry. NOTHING is ever his fault, everything is someone else. He pushed my cart in the store yesterday because I told him that I wasn't getting him something, and I said, "Ok, you're definitely not getting this today, because you almost made me knock over a whole shelf of food" and he said "well it was your fault for yelling at me!" granted, yelling at him requires me to speak above a whisper!

From: rushen janice <jrushen (DOT) com> Sent: Sun, October 18, 2009 5:21:21 PMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

,

You are not alone...my son treats us terribly. ...both my husband and I. If I tell him to do something... he says he will...but never does. So when I ask him again...he screams at me.

As for homework...he wants nothing to do with it. He will take an F. He doesn't care. I have to help with him with everything.. .

His anger is horrible.... when he comes home from school I don't talk to him for an hour ...I wait for him to talk to me. I believe he has ODD too! He is always angry especially with us.

What to do ...I am not sure...nothing has really worked for us...I keep telling my husband to do nothing for him. One time I was so angry ....I wanted to smash his Xbox but didn't. I would like to take it away. But, I get no backing from my husband. Plus he doesn't have many friends...

But I hear you....I truly do. And, when he was young...I did what your mother is doing ...I spoiled him. I stopped but we have a long ways to go.

jan

Janice Rushen

& nbsp;

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Chambers <missjen0124>Aspergers Treatment < >Sent: Sun, October 18, 2009 3:06:42 PMSubject: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I was just wondering how many parents have the problem of their children being just completely HATEFUL to them. I swear, I think my son really hates me when he says he hates me. He was diagnosed with ODD a year ago, before he was dx'd with ASD, but ODD doesn't even come close to how I feel he acts. Something as small as, "nicolas, please get down from there" if we're in the store, and he climbs on the racks. and he screams "you never let me do anything, because you hate me"...that is just one example of about a million. And it happens all day everyday. "No, you can't have a toy, you haven't earned the points for one this time"(he earns points throughout the day, and so many points equal different privleges) he says "oh yes I will" and if I say no to that, he starts to push me or hit me.

Is my child displaying typical behaviors of an Aspie? He only became like this recently (like the last month) and it has escalated even more since I've been staying with my mom (temporarily) , because he gets EVERYTHING he wants from her, because she thinks that everything he does should be excused because he has a "disability" . I'm pretty patient with my son, but it gets to the point where he talks down to me so much, I just ignore him while he bashes me, because if I speak to him, I'll get even more upset.

I love my son so much, and fight for him daily, while I watch him treat me like dirt. I feel like there's nothing I can do to make him happy with me, unless it's obey his every command. I asked what he wanted to do for his george washington project, and he said "nothing, you're going to do it for me". I didn't even know what to say to that. We used to be best friends, and no matter how he acted at school, he was my little buddy. Now, I don't even want to be around him sometimes. I hope I'm not the only one who is going through this.. I definitely need help!

October 19, 2009

Is there a problem with the teacher, or perhaps one/some of his classmates at

school, or some other problem at school that he isn't telling you about, that

could provoke this?

Has anyone who works with him at the school been replaced, or have they noticed

anythign different about him?

>

> I would kill to have my old son back...he never was like this until this

school year, he used to love me.. now he just thinks I'm the worst thing in his

life.

>

October 19, 2009

I hope when I post on here, that people are honest with me. I don't want people to post a response only when they agree with me or can relate a similar story. That's not a true full picture of the story; know what I mean? I know my son will never start telling me that he hates me and wishes I was dead. I know that with a certainty. Does he always agree with me and think I'm the best mom in the world? Absolutely not. But he has more respect for me than berating me with his words. He knows that's a line he shouldn't cross. He didn't come out of the womb like that though. I had to teach him appropriate behavior through the years. He probably threw out a "you hate me" or even 1

or 2 "I hate yous" when he was much younger, but that's it.

I know how hard I struggled in Dylan's younger years. It was hearbreaking most days for quite awhile. When I read posts like this, especially from moms who don't have much support, it hits a nerve with me b/c I can completely relate. I don't want to perpetuate that this mom should just throw her hands up in the air, blame this on Aspergers, and not try to do more for herself and her family. That's why I offered for her to contact me outside of the listserv b/c I think I could help her.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Monday, October 19, 2009 9:35:09 AMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I think your getting quite hung up on " typical" part of the question, when I read the post I thought it was someone asking has this happened to anyone else, or is it just me that has to deal with this type of behaviour, to which you seemed to reply it just you nobody elses kids do this its just you. But actually a few of us have had similar experiences, are you so sure it has nothing to do with Aspergers because your son doesn't do it, so it doesn't fit? There are lots of things on here that are not applicable to my son, but I just read and don't post, because although it doesn't happen now, there is nothing to say it won't in the future. So, tomorrow if your son tells you that he hates you, will that give you a different perspective? Or are you sure that will never happen?

From: MacAllister <smacalli (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? Date: Monday, 19 October, 2009, 0:52

Not typical.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Jen Marks <barefootmamma@ sbcglobal. net> Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 4:58:03 PMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I wish I had some solutions for you. Mine can do this too. We go through phases when it is more prevalent. He does scream at me that he hates me and throws in that he wishes I would die, or leave, and sometimes that he will kill me or kill himself. So I don't know if it's typical or not, but I do have those experiences as well.

Jen

From: Chambers <missjen0124>Aspergers Treatment < >Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 3:06:42 PMSubject: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I was just wondering how many parents have the problem of their children being just completely HATEFUL to them. I swear, I think my son really hates me when he says he hates me. He was diagnosed with ODD a year ago, before he was dx'd with ASD, but ODD doesn't even come close to how I feel he acts. Something as small as, "nicolas, please get down from there" if we're in the store, and he climbs on the racks. and he screams "you never let me do anything, because you hate me"...that is just one example of about a million. And it happens all day everyday. "No, you can't have a toy, you haven't earned the points for one this time"(he earns points throughout the day, and so many points equal different privleges) he says "oh yes I will" and if I say no to that, he starts to push me or hit me.

Is my child displaying typical behaviors of an Aspie? He only became like this recently (like the last month) and it has escalated even more since I've been staying with my mom (temporarily) , because he gets EVERYTHING he wants from her, because she thinks that everything he does should be excused because he has a "disability" . I'm pretty patient with my son, but it gets to the point where he talks down to me so much, I just ignore him while he bashes me, because if I speak to him, I'll get even more upset.

I love my son so much, and fight for him daily, while I watch him treat me like dirt. I feel like there's nothing I can do to make him happy with me, unless it's obey his every command. I asked what he wanted to do for his george washington project, and he said "nothing, you're going to do it for me". I didn't even know what to say to that. We used to be best friends, and no matter how he acted at school, he was my little buddy. Now, I don't even want to be around him sometimes. I hope I'm not the only one who is going through this.. I definitely need help!

October 19, 2009

I don’t know whether it is “typical” or not

but my son used to display a lot of anger and aggressiveness both to us and

others. This was when he was younger (he is 19+ now). We did not

have Aspergers diagnosis until he was 15, just ADHD diagnosis at 5. I am

not sure whether ADHD diagnosis was incorrect or if he is both Aspergers

and ADHD as Aspergers has a lot of characteristics that are very similar to

ADHD. Not sure it really matters as long as treatment/support is focused

on problems/issues. We did find that a lot of the aggressiveness was a

direct result of stressful environment and if we removed the stressors he was

less aggressive and angry. Also, the correct medication mix was

crucial. Age and maturity as well as proper support/therapies have

alleviated the anger and aggressiveness. We did a major revision of his medication

dosages about a year ago which totally eliminated his inappropriate anger

outbursts. I am not saying he no longer gets angry but when he is mad it

is appropriate to the situation and he appropriately expresses his anger.

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of Lorraine son

Sent: Monday, October 19, 2009 9:35 AM

Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I think your getting quite hung up on " typical "

part of the question, when I read the post I thought it was someone asking

has this happened to anyone else, or is it just me that has to deal with this

type of behaviour, to which you seemed to reply it just you nobody elses kids

do this its just you. But actually a few of us have had similar experiences,

are you so sure it has nothing to do with Aspergers because your son doesn't

do it, so it doesn't fit? There are lots of things on here that are not applicable

to my son, but I just read and don't post, because although it doesn't happen

now, there is nothing to say it won't in the future. So, tomorrow if your son

tells you that he hates you, will that give you a different

perspective? Or are you sure that will never happen?

From: MacAllister <smacalli (DOT) com>

Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

Date: Monday, 19 October, 2009, 0:52

Not

typical.

" Over-optimism

is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out. "

From: Jen Marks

<barefootmamma@ sbcglobal. net>

Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 4:58:03 PM

Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I wish I had some solutions for you. Mine can do

this too. We go through phases when it is more prevalent. He

does scream at me that he hates me and throws in that he wishes I would

die, or leave, and sometimes that he will kill me or kill himself. So

I don't know if it's typical or not, but I do have those experiences as

well.

Jen

From:

Chambers <missjen0124>

Aspergers Treatment < >

Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 3:06:42 PM

Subject: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I was just wondering how many parents have the problem of

their children being just completely HATEFUL to them. I swear, I

think my son really hates me when he says he hates me. He was

diagnosed with ODD a year ago, before he was dx'd with ASD, but ODD doesn't

even come close to how I feel he acts. Something as small as,

" nicolas, please get down from there " if we're in the store, and

he climbs on the racks. and he screams " you never let me do

anything, because you hate me " ...that is just one example of about a

million. And it happens all day everyday. " No, you can't

have a toy, you haven't earned the points for one this time " (he earns

points throughout the day, and so many points equal different privleges) he

says " oh yes I will " and if I say no to that, he starts to push

me or hit me.

Is my child displaying typical behaviors of an Aspie?

He only became like this recently (like the last month) and it has

escalated even more since I've been staying with my mom (temporarily) ,

because he gets EVERYTHING he wants from her, because she thinks that

everything he does should be excused because he has a

" disability " . I'm pretty patient with my son, but it gets

to the point where he talks down to me so much, I just ignore him while he

bashes me, because if I speak to him, I'll get even more upset.

I love my son so much, and fight for him daily, while I

watch him treat me like dirt. I feel like there's nothing I can do to

make him happy with me, unless it's obey his every command. I asked

what he wanted to do for his george washington project, and he said

" nothing, you're going to do it for me " . I didn't even know

what to say to that. We used to be best friends, and no matter how he

acted at school, he was my little buddy. Now, I don't even want to be

around him sometimes. I hope I'm not the only one who is going

through this.. I definitely need help!

October 19, 2009

Mine takes the unreasonability to a different level. Sometimes he takes it out

on me, but usually he'll yell something like, " I'm going to Kansas! " He would

also say something like, " That floor needs to go in the garbage! " or " I'm going

to cover the computer with my blanket! " Or, " People who are a multiple of six

can't do this! " Or, " Make me some cooked ants, mom! " Often his random

exclamations of frustration are funny enough to put DH and I in stitches, but it

is still difficult to get through to him when he is in that mode.

I usually tell him, " , you are being unreasonable right now. You need to

use calm words. " Does that work? I'm hoping that if I connect the words and

behavior often enough he'll come to understand what being unreasonable is, and

then I can help him learn to moderate it. Obviously, if he is melting down he

gets a time out, but usually he is just blowing off steam with his totally

off-the-wall remarks, and not in true meltdown mode.

>

> Oh my goodness that is sooo funny. My son does the same thing. I thought

> he was the only one. If he trips he says... " I hate that floor...why did

> you have to get that kind? " All in a very loud penetrating tone. He also

> blames me for any of his bad behavior. If only I hadn't provoked it. ha

> ha. He has a pretty good sense of humor so I have learned to come back with

> something funny and he can't help but laugh so it diffuses the situation.

> Oh my gosh...just now I caught him picking his nose and oh my gosh eating

> it...I told him that it was disgusting and I was going to throw up. His

> response was... " well you shouldn't have let me do that when I was younger. "

> Whattttt??????

>

October 19, 2009

Sorry. Didn't mean to offend. I classify Aspergers under mental disorders simply because that is how it is termed in the medical community (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, DSM IV, Aspergers Syndrome 299.80)

Unfortunately, both of my children have moderate to severe mental disorders and no amount of discipline, compassion, or respect for their parents will ultimately change that fact. I can only hope that with the best parenting we can give and the best medical and psychiatric care they will be able to live independently as adults and lead happy, productive lives, with as little inteference from their illness as possible.

Speaking of the DSM IV..........I am sure many of you have seen this joke......I just love it and find it so funny.....

DSN-IV (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of 'Normal' Disorders)

Disorders Usually First Evident in Infancy, Childhood, or Adolescence

666.00 Neurotypic Disorder

The essential features constitute a severe form of Invasive Developmental Disorder, with onset in infancy or childhood.

Diagnostic criteria for 666.00 Neurotypic Disorder

At least eight of the following sixteen items are present, these to include at least two items from A, one from B, and one from C.

Note: Consider a criterion to be met only if the behavior is abnormal for the person's developmental level.

A. Qualitative impairment in independent social interaction as manifested by the following:

(The examples within parentheses are arranged so that those first mentioned are more likely to apply to younger or more handicapped, and the later ones, to older or less handicapped, persons with this disorder.)

(1) marked delusional sense of awareness of the existence or feelings of others (e.g., treats a person as if he or she were an extention of himself; behaves as if clairavoyant of another person's distress; apparently projects own concepts and needs onto others)

(2) extreme or abnormal seeking of comfort at times of distress (e.g., constantly comes for comfort even when ill, hurt, or tired; seeks comfort in a stereotyped way, e.g., cries, whines needs demands for attention whenever hurt)

(3) constant or mindless imitation (e.g., always wave bye-bye; copies mother's domestic activities; mechanical imitation of others' actions whenever perceived to be in context)

(4) constant or excessive social play (e.g., always actively participates in simple games; prefers group play activities; involves other children in play only as long as the other children are exactly like themselves with no differences "mirrored images")

(5) gross impairment in ability to make peer friendships (e.g., obsessive interest in making peer friendships with other Neurotypics; despite interest in making friends and afore mentioned delusion of clairavoyance, demonstrates lack of understanding for those who are different and an obsessive rigidity for social convention, for example, constantly seeks attention/positive reinforment while staring mocking or laughing at others while they stim and rock and remain mute)

B. Qualitative impairment in verbal and nonverbal communication, and in imaginative activity, as manifested by the following:

(The numbered items are arranged so that those first listed are more likely to apply to younger or more handicapped, and the later ones, to older or less handicapped, persons with this disorder.)

(1) blatent overuse of all modes of communication, such as communicative babbling, facial expression, gesture, mime, or spoken language

(2) markedly abnormal nonverbal communication, as in the use of eye-to- eye gaze, facial expression, body posture, or gestures to initiate or modulate social interaction (e.g., anticipates and enjoys being held, does not stiffens when held, constantly looks at the other person or smiles when making a social approach, compulsively greets parents or visitors,insists on invasively stares into the eyes of others in social situations)

(3) excessive imaginative irrelevant activity, such as playacting of adult roles, fantasy characters, or animals, lack of interest in computers or other logical fullfilling pastimes

(4) marked abnormalities in the production of speech, including volume, pitch, stress, rate, rhythm, and intonation (e.g., gregarious grandious tone, overly emotional or syrupy melody, or overcontrolled pitch)

(5) marked abnormalities in the form or content of speech, including stereotyped and repetitive use of speech (e.g., immediate mindless or mechanical repetition of NT peers' latest 'in' or catch phrases) (e.g., "whatever" to mean "I am saying I disagree with you but I want you to be upset by my saying so in this way"); idiosyncratic use of words of phrases (e.g., "are you dissing me?" to mean "don't disrespect me"); or frequent irrelevant remarks (e.g., starts talking about the behavour of autistics at a table nearby during a meal at a restaurant)

(6) marked impairment in the ability to refrain from initiating a conversation or once initated to sustain a full thought during conversation with others, despite adequate speech (e.g., unable to stay ontopic/on thought due to the interjections from other Neurotypics)

C. Markedly restricted repertoire of activities and interests, as manifested by the following:

(1) inability or lack of understanding for or interest in stereotyped body movements, e.g., hand-flicking or -twisting, spinning, head-banging (except for during certain types of rock concerts), complex whole-body movements

(2) persistent lack of awareness or inability to perceive parts of objects (e.g., seeing 'a windmill' but failing to see the existance of the many beautiful finite parts which comprise the whole object, oblivion to feelings of texture of materials, spinning wheels of toy cars) or has an attachment to unusual objects (e.g., insists on driving around in a BMW, wearing Rolex watches, carrying a cellular phone or briefcase)

(3) marked oblivion to changes in aspects of environment, e.g., when a vase is moved from usual position

(4) unreasonable insistence in sameness in others in precise detail, e.g., insisting that exactly the same social behaviours always be followed when shopping

(5) markedly restricted range of interest and a preoccupation with one narrow interest, e.g., interested only in status quo climbing, impressing friends, or in pretending to be smarter or better than they are.

D. Onset during infancy or childhood.

Specify if childhood onset (after 36 months of age).

( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I was just wondering how many parents have the problem of their children being just completely HATEFUL to them. I swear, I think my son really hates me when he says he hates me. He was diagnosed with ODD a year ago, before he was dx'd with ASD, but ODD doesn't even come close to how I feel he acts. Something as small as, "nicolas, please get down from there" if we're in the store, and he climbs on the racks. and he screams "you never let me do anything, because you hate me"...that is just one example of about a million. And it happens all day everyday. "No, you can't have a toy, you haven't earned the points for one this time"(he earns points throughout the day, and so many points equal different privleges) he says "oh yes I will" and if I say no to that, he starts to push me or hit me.

Is my child displaying typical behaviors of an Aspie? He only became like this recently (like the last month) and it has escalated even more since I've been staying with my mom (temporarily) , because he gets EVERYTHING he wants from her, because she thinks that everything he does should be excused because he has a "disability" . I'm pretty patient with my son, but it gets to the point where he talks down to me so much, I just ignore him while he bashes me, because if I speak to him, I'll get even more upset.

I love my son so much, and fight for him daily, while I watch him treat me like dirt. I feel like there's nothing I can do to make him happy with me, unless it's obey his every command. I asked what he wanted to do for his george washington project, and he said "nothing, you're going to do it for me". I didn't even know what to say to that. We used to be best friends, and no matter how he acted at school, he was my little buddy. Now, I don't even want to be around him sometimes. I hope I'm not the only one who is going through this.. I definitely need help!

October 19, 2009

I see what you're saying, especially since it's characterized in that fashion in the DSM IV. I call it a neurological disorder though. Not sure why that makes a difference to me, but it does. My son is not moderate to severe so he does respond to discipline, compassion, and his desire to please the adults in his life. It hasn't always been that way, especially when he was younger. But we stuck with it and now he's doing so much better that I like to think it's in some part due to the interventions we gave him as a child. Some of it is also maturity and he's very smart, so we break things down like nonverbal communication, into learning opportunities since he can't always pick them up on his own.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Debra Balke <dlbalke@...> Sent: Monday, October 19, 2009 10:17:30 AMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?