Re: How do ya'll deal....?

[Guest guest]

I just remembered a couple of classics my son came away with "you shut up or I'll throw things at your face, like tomatoes" and on discovering a picture of me when I was pregnant with him, "well I'm not happy about this, you shouldn't have eaten me when I was a baby"

From: <ladle24@...>Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? Date: Monday, 19 October, 2009, 16:13

Mine takes the unreasonability to a different level. Sometimes he takes it out on me, but usually he'll yell something like, "I'm going to Kansas!" He would also say something like, "That floor needs to go in the garbage!" or "I'm going to cover the computer with my blanket!" Or, "People who are a multiple of six can't do this!" Or, "Make me some cooked ants, mom!" Often his random exclamations of frustration are funny enough to put DH and I in stitches, but it is still difficult to get through to him when he is in that mode.I usually tell him, ", you are being unreasonable right now. You need to use calm words." Does that work? I'm hoping that if I connect the words and behavior often enough he'll come to understand what being unreasonable is, and then I can help him learn to moderate it. Obviously, if he is melting down he gets a time out, but usually he is just blowing off steam with his totally off-the-wall remarks, and not in true

meltdown mode.>> Oh my goodness that is sooo funny. My son does the same thing. I thought > he was the only one. If he trips he says..."I hate that floor...why did > you have to get that kind?" All in a very loud penetrating tone. He also > blames me for any of his bad behavior. If only I hadn't provoked it. ha > ha. He has a pretty good sense of humor so I have learned to come back with > something funny and he can't help but laugh so it diffuses the situation. > Oh my gosh...just now I caught him picking his nose and oh my gosh eating > it...I told him that it was disgusting and I was going to throw up. His > response

was..."well you shouldn't have let me do that when I was younger." > Whattttt???? ??> > > >

[Guest guest]

Debra,

I haven't seen that before, that was funny. I wish the world was that way round.

Lor Bx

From: MacAllister <smacalli@...>Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? Date: Monday, 19 October, 2009, 17:22

I see what you're saying, especially since it's characterized in that fashion in the DSM IV. I call it a neurological disorder though. Not sure why that makes a difference to me, but it does. My son is not moderate to severe so he does respond to discipline, compassion, and his desire to please the adults in his life. It hasn't always been that way, especially when he was younger. But we stuck with it and now he's doing so much better that I like to think it's in some part due to the interventions we gave him as a child. Some of it is also maturity and he's very smart, so we break things down like nonverbal communication, into learning opportunities since he can't always pick them up on his own.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Debra Balke <dlbalkecharter (DOT) net> Sent: Monday, October 19, 2009 10:17:30 AMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

Sorry. Didn't mean to offend. I classify Aspergers under mental disorders simply because that is how it is termed in the medical community (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, DSM IV, Aspergers Syndrome 299.80)

Unfortunately, both of my children have moderate to severe mental disorders and no amount of discipline, compassion, or respect for their parents will ultimately change that fact. I can only hope that with the best parenting we can give and the best medical and psychiatric care they will be able to live independently as adults and lead happy, productive lives, with as little inteference from their illness as possible.

Speaking of the DSM IV..........I am sure many of you have seen this joke......I just love it and find it so funny.....

DSN-IV (The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of 'Normal' Disorders)

Disorders Usually First Evident in Infancy, Childhood, or Adolescence

666.00 Neurotypic Disorder

The essential features constitute a severe form of Invasive Developmental Disorder, with onset in infancy or childhood.

Diagnostic criteria for 666.00 Neurotypic Disorder

At least eight of the following sixteen items are present, these to include at least two items from A, one from B, and one from C.

Note: Consider a criterion to be met only if the behavior is abnormal for the person's developmental level.

A. Qualitative impairment in independent social interaction as manifested by the following:

(The examples within parentheses are arranged so that those first mentioned are more likely to apply to younger or more handicapped, and the later ones, to older or less handicapped, persons with this disorder.)

(1) marked delusional sense of awareness of the existence or feelings of others (e.g., treats a person as if he or she were an extention of himself; behaves as if clairavoyant of another person's distress; apparently projects own concepts and needs onto others)

(2) extreme or abnormal seeking of comfort at times of distress (e.g., constantly comes for comfort even when ill, hurt, or tired; seeks comfort in a stereotyped way, e.g., cries, whines needs demands for attention whenever hurt)

(3) constant or mindless imitation (e.g., always wave bye-bye; copies mother's domestic activities; mechanical imitation of others' actions whenever perceived to be in context)

(4) constant or excessive social play (e.g., always actively participates in simple games; prefers group play activities; involves other children in play only as long as the other children are exactly like themselves with no differences "mirrored images")

(5) gross impairment in ability to make peer friendships (e.g., obsessive interest in making peer friendships with other Neurotypics; despite interest in making friends and afore mentioned delusion of clairavoyance, demonstrates lack of understanding for those who are different and an obsessive rigidity for social convention, for example, constantly seeks attention/positive reinforment while staring mocking or laughing at others while they stim and rock and remain mute)

B. Qualitative impairment in verbal and nonverbal communication, and in imaginative activity, as manifested by the following:

(The numbered items are arranged so that those first listed are more likely to apply to younger or more handicapped, and the later ones, to older or less handicapped, persons with this disorder.)

(1) blatent overuse of all modes of communication, such as communicative babbling, facial expression, gesture, mime, or spoken language

(2) markedly abnormal nonverbal communication, as in the use of eye-to- eye gaze, facial expression, body posture, or gestures to initiate or modulate social interaction (e.g., anticipates and enjoys being held, does not stiffens when held, constantly looks at the other person or smiles when making a social approach, compulsively greets parents or visitors,insists on invasively stares into the eyes of others in social situations)

(3) excessive imaginative irrelevant activity, such as playacting of adult roles, fantasy characters, or animals, lack of interest in computers or other logical fullfilling pastimes

(4) marked abnormalities in the production of speech, including volume, pitch, stress, rate, rhythm, and intonation (e.g., gregarious grandious tone, overly emotional or syrupy melody, or overcontrolled pitch)

(5) marked abnormalities in the form or content of speech, including stereotyped and repetitive use of speech (e.g., immediate mindless or mechanical repetition of NT peers' latest 'in' or catch phrases) (e.g., "whatever" to mean "I am saying I disagree with you but I want you to be upset by my saying so in this way"); idiosyncratic use of words of phrases (e.g., "are you dissing me?" to mean "don't disrespect me"); or frequent irrelevant remarks (e.g., starts talking about the behavour of autistics at a table nearby during a meal at a restaurant)

(6) marked impairment in the ability to refrain from initiating a conversation or once initated to sustain a full thought during conversation with others, despite adequate speech (e.g., unable to stay ontopic/on thought due to the interjections from other Neurotypics)

C. Markedly restricted repertoire of activities and interests, as manifested by the following:

(1) inability or lack of understanding for or interest in stereotyped body movements, e.g., hand-flicking or -twisting, spinning, head-banging (except for during certain types of rock concerts), complex whole-body movements

(2) persistent lack of awareness or inability to perceive parts of objects (e.g., seeing 'a windmill' but failing to see the existance of the many beautiful finite parts which comprise the whole object, oblivion to feelings of texture of materials, spinning wheels of toy cars) or has an attachment to unusual objects (e.g., insists on driving around in a BMW, wearing Rolex watches, carrying a cellular phone or briefcase)

(3) marked oblivion to changes in aspects of environment, e.g., when a vase is moved from usual position

(4) unreasonable insistence in sameness in others in precise detail, e.g., insisting that exactly the same social behaviours always be followed when shopping

(5) markedly restricted range of interest and a preoccupation with one narrow interest, e.g., interested only in status quo climbing, impressing friends, or in pretending to be smarter or better than they are.

D. Onset during infancy or childhood.

Specify if childhood onset (after 36 months of age).

( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I was just wondering how many parents have the problem of their children being just completely HATEFUL to them. I swear, I think my son really hates me when he says he hates me. He was diagnosed with ODD a year ago, before he was dx'd with ASD, but ODD doesn't even come close to how I feel he acts. Something as small as, "nicolas, please get down from there" if we're in the store, and he climbs on the racks. and he screams "you never let me do anything, because you hate me"...that is just one example of about a million. And it happens all day everyday. "No, you can't have a toy, you haven't earned the points for one this time"(he earns points throughout the day, and so many points equal different privleges) he says "oh yes I will" and if I say no to that, he starts to push me or hit me.

Is my child displaying typical behaviors of an Aspie? He only became like this recently (like the last month) and it has escalated even more since I've been staying with my mom (temporarily) , because he gets EVERYTHING he wants from her, because she thinks that everything he does should be excused because he has a "disability" . I'm pretty patient with my son, but it gets to the point where he talks down to me so much, I just ignore him while he bashes me, because if I speak to him, I'll get even more upset.

I love my son so much, and fight for him daily, while I watch him treat me like dirt. I feel like there's nothing I can do to make him happy with me, unless it's obey his every command. I asked what he wanted to do for his george washington project, and he said "nothing, you're going to do it for me". I didn't even know what to say to that. We used to be best friends, and no matter how he acted at school, he was my little buddy. Now, I don't even want to be around him sometimes. I hope I'm not the only one who is going through this.. I definitely need help!

[Guest guest]

Maybe your son will be predictable one day? You never know! I didn't think we'd be where we are today, that's for sure. He's doing a lot better than I ever expected.

You'll never see me passionately posting about all of the wonderful advancements we've made in things like Executive Function though. There are some things about D that still puzzle me and I haven't figured out how to make it better. I go back and forth between helping too much and not helping enough. But good, respectful behavior at home is something we've pretty much succeeded in so I try to share what has worked for us. Okay, let me clarify...good, respectful behavior towards me, his grandparents, and people in general. His 8-yr-old sister is not so lucky. Their sibling rivalry/fights are driving me insanely nuts at this period in our lives. Haven't figured out the magic combo for those issues yet!

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Tuesday, October 20, 2009 4:48:56 AMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I'm not saying she should throw her hands up and give up, but hopefully having some people relating to what she is experiencing is comforting. Funny that we have opposing views on somethings, yet your time out is pretty much the same thing that works for my son, in saying that I appreciate this will not work for everyone, all we can do is figure out what works for each individual.

I'm glad you are at a place where you can be so certain of what your son will do or say, if there is one predictable thing about my son it is that he is un predictable. lol

From: MacAllister <smacalli (DOT) com>Subject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....? Date: Monday, 19 October, 2009, 0:52

Not typical.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Jen Marks <barefootmamma@ sbcglobal. net> Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 4:58:03 PMSubject: Re: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I wish I had some solutions for you. Mine can do this too. We go through phases when it is more prevalent. He does scream at me that he hates me and throws in that he wishes I would die, or leave, and sometimes that he will kill me or kill himself. So I don't know if it's typical or not, but I do have those experiences as well.

Jen

From: Chambers <missjen0124>Aspergers Treatment < >Sent: Sunday, October 18, 2009 3:06:42 PMSubject: ( ) How do ya'll deal....?

I was just wondering how many parents have the problem of their children being just completely HATEFUL to them. I swear, I think my son really hates me when he says he hates me. He was diagnosed with ODD a year ago, before he was dx'd with ASD, but ODD doesn't even come close to how I feel he acts. Something as small as, "nicolas, please get down from there" if we're in the store, and he climbs on the racks. and he screams "you never let me do anything, because you hate me"...that is just one example of about a million. And it happens all day everyday. "No, you can't have a toy, you haven't earned the points for one this time"(he earns points throughout the day, and so many points equal different privleges) he says "oh yes I will" and if I say no to that, he starts to push me or hit me.

Is my child displaying typical behaviors of an Aspie? He only became like this recently (like the last month) and it has escalated even more since I've been staying with my mom (temporarily) , because he gets EVERYTHING he wants from her, because she thinks that everything he does should be excused because he has a "disability" . I'm pretty patient with my son, but it gets to the point where he talks down to me so much, I just ignore him while he bashes me, because if I speak to him, I'll get even more upset.

I love my son so much, and fight for him daily, while I watch him treat me like dirt. I feel like there's nothing I can do to make him happy with me, unless it's obey his every command. I asked what he wanted to do for his george washington project, and he said "nothing, you're going to do it for me". I didn't even know what to say to that. We used to be best friends, and no matter how he acted at school, he was my little buddy. Now, I don't even want to be around him sometimes. I hope I'm not the only one who is going through this.. I definitely need help!

[Guest guest]

AS is definitely not a mental disorder but kids with AS can have a

mental disorder as well. I like what Debra calls it, " AS plus. " You

are right that it's not typical for AS kids to be nasty or mean to

their parents. I think the best advise is to work on behavioral

modifications and then if that does not work or in addition to that,

see a doc to identify what else is going on. Often meds can really

help if there is an accompanying mental illness at work. Being angry

can be a sign of other things - depression, OCD, etc. When you treat

that, you can often help them learn ways of managing the problems and

someday, they can do that on their own. I mean, ultimately, that is

the hope and direction we head...

My older ds never said things like that to us but then, he rarely talks

anyway. He's very quiet. My younger ds also with HFA has depression

and so he often spouts off things. His latest thing is to say, " What

do you want to do now to ruin my life? " or " My life is a living hell. "

I think he picked these up from a tv show really. But it sure gets

old! He doesn't say he hates us but he usually says he hates his life.

And he blames us for many things. But that is the depression and

puberty colliding in a nasty dance. The HFA manages to keep him from

understanding or dealing with it as well as he might, makes it harder

for us all to cope and learn...I just keep working with the med doc and

praying that we get to the other side of puberty before I jump out the

window. lol.

One thing I have found that helps is to always provide better language.

So often when he starts ranting, everyone just yells at him to shut up

or argues with him. That never does anything but makes it worse. I

find that providing a better phrase helps. Like I see why he is so

upset and put it into words for him. " Your life is really not hell.

You are angry and frustrated because you can't figure out how to win

that game. " Now, initially, he growls and continues on. But over a

long period of time, I see he is trying to grab on to better

explanations or sometimes I see him trying to examine WHY he is so

upset. It's a process, to be sure! And most of the time, we are still

in the ranting stage of this. But I will keep chipping away at this.

Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

( ) How do ya'll deal....?

 

I was just wondering how many parents have the problem of their

children being just completely HATEFUL to them.  I swear, I think my

son really hates me when he says he hates me.  He was diagnosed with

ODD a year ago, before he was dx'd with ASD, but ODD doesn't even come

close to how I feel he acts.  Something as small as, " nicolas, please

get down from there " if we're in the store, and he climbs on the

racks.  and he screams " you never let me do anything, because you hate

me " ...that is just one example of about a million.  And it happens all

day everyday.  " No, you can't have a toy, you haven't earned the points

for one this time " (he earns points throughout the day, and so many

points equal different privleges) he says " oh yes I will " and if I say

no to that, he starts to push me or hit me. 

  Is my child displaying typical behaviors of an Aspie? He only became

like this recently (like the last month) and it has escalated even more

since I've been staying with my mom (temporarily) , because he gets

EVERYTHING he wants from her, because she thinks that everything he

does should be excused because he has a " disability " .  I'm pretty

patient with my son, but it gets to the point where he talks down to me

so much, I just ignore him while he bashes me, because if I speak to

him, I'll get even more upset. 

  I love my son so much, and fight for him daily, while I watch him

treat me like dirt.  I feel like there's nothing I can do to make him

happy with me, unless it's obey his every command.  I asked what he

wanted to do for his george washington project, and he said " nothing,

you're going to do it for me " .  I didn't even know what to say to

that.  We used to be best friends, and no matter how he acted at

school, he was my little buddy.  Now, I don't even want to be around

him sometimes.  I hope I'm not the only one who is going through this..

I definitely need help!