Re: Son Depressed , I'm depressed/It is worse now

[Guest guest]

I thought it was bad...and my blames me for losing his b.f. "S"....but it gets worse. "S" texted a kid and that kid text 's only friend in the neighborhood and said lies ...."S" said my son was saying stuff about Shane's dad who just past away. My son had done this when he and Shane were fighting...but that is all over now...and he only did it because Shane kept asking my son "So how's Poppy" ....knowing Poppy had passed away.

At first Shane didn't believe this but now he does and he text my son for his game back. I watched my son go out and give it back. Shane would not even look at my son or talk to him....and he turned and skateboarded away. I felt like saying something but bit my tongue. Shane fell for it and now my son's ex-b.f. got his wish....that my son would have no friends. And, that is what he had text my son on Saturday. He had said ....."you only have Shane and once you lose him, you'll be lonely." How cruel can kids be.

My heart is breaking and I am crying...my son went to bed at 6 p.m. and doesnt' want to eat. now I can understand why kids committ suicide.

jan

And, when we went to the psychiatrist....he told me next time my son acts like he did...to call the police. He said he can't be breaking things like he is.

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Karolina Sjödin <pettson39 (DOT) se>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed/Refection s on comments Date: Tuesday, September 22, 2009, 1:52 PM

The Moment 22 of Asperger´s... .not being fully able to identify that you are being bullied/badly treated and not being able to complain even to a parent... the links are missing all the way....step 1: noticing you are being affronded... .step 2...knowing how to feel/react to that...step 3: knowing how to interact with the bully...step 4: ..knowing how much to do,responding verbally/physically ..step 5: knowing what to expect after that....no wonder it goes wrong in so many ways.....no wonder we parents feel the strong urge to follow in our children´s steps, supervise,encourage ,be frustrated.. ..no wonder at all!

--- Den mån 2009-09-21 skrev r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>:

Från: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Ämne: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedTill: Datum: måndag 21 september 2009 12.19

>> Jan,> > I don't think you are in your sons business too much, my son doesn't fart without me knowing about it. lol> > They don't tell us too much about what is happening, so if we aren't involved how will we know what is happening. Rather that punishing your son for being so desparate to be friends with this horrid boy, get round to his house and show his parents what he is txting your son.I agree with this. Of course, you want to respect your child's privacy as much as possible. But if things are going on that may land him in trouble with the police, you need to take action accordingly. And I agree about letting the parents know about exactly what this boy is

texting--I hope your husband gave them some examples.One thing I would do differently is that I would not let my son know I am checking his personal things. I am not sure what purpose that serves. I routinely make quick checks of my kids' text messages, history file on the computer, etc., like all the professionals suggest, but I do it when they are sleeping or not around. There are some things that parents do that I just really don't think are the kids' business, and I don't think it is in their best interest to know about it. I would have made the phone call to the other parents in privacy (which I'm sure maybe he did), and only let my son know the bare minimum necessary. I would try to tell it to him in a way that he wouldn't know the details of how I got the information.Another thing to consider, since this is potentially a police matter, is actually getting the police involved--at your own initiative. It was a little different

situation, but we did this with a neighbor child, and it was very effective. We had a neighbor boy about 2 years older that was bullying our Asperger son, our son was about 7yo at the time--actually there were two of them; they were scaring our son and taking things from him. One day they took my husband's watch he had lent our son, and my husband saw red LOL. It was about the 3rd thing they had taken. There was the one boy who had actually taken the watch and seemed to be kind of leading his friend. My dh sat down, thought for a minute, and said, we need to do something to let this boy's parents know there are going to be consequences when their son messes with our son. So, he called the police. A police officer came and talked to us. The police officer was the one who figured out our son was being bullied regularly by this boy; we hadn't really figured that out--he had not complained. (When the police officer asked him if he was scared of this boy, he

said "not too bad"--he was so cute back then!) So, the police officer got us all together. Both the boy and his mother (she turned out to be a single mom) lied about things in front of the officer, but I could tell the officer could tell. We didn't press charges, but the police officer let the boy and his mother know that he had this boy's name and face and if anything else happened, he was considered to have a history and there would be consequences. I will tell you, we never had any problems whatsoever with that boy again (or the other one). Just something to consider and keep in the back of your mind.Good luck! I hope you and your family have a better day today!

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.

[Guest guest]

Well, I wouldn't call the police. I know people have. But this will

get him into all sorts of trouble. I wouldn't want to deal with them.

Do you think they will know anything about AS kids? Probably not. He

is having a hard time, dealing with AS and puberty. Find him ways to

" lash out " that do not involve breaking things. Then teach him over

and over again until it sticks.

As for the kids - are these boys? Because it sounds like a girls soap

opera. I didn't know boys were that girlish with the " he said/She

said " sort of thing. I know boys can be nasty. I just am surprised.

I wouldn't want my kid to be around these guys. Don't get too involved

in the soap opera. Just reassure your ds he is a worthwhile kid! Let

him know you love him. Tell him these boys are being ugly and that's

too bad. It IS upsetting. But find him other things to do as well and

get him to focus on other things as well.

 Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed/It is

worse now

thought it was bad...and my blames me for losing his b.f. " S " ....but it

gets worse.  " S " texted a kid and

that kid text 's only friend in

the neighborhood and said lies .... " S " said my son was saying stuff

about Shane's dad who just past away.  My son had done this when he and

Shane were fighting...but that is all over now...and he only did it

because Shane kept asking my son " So how's Poppy " ....knowing Poppy had

passed away.

 

At first Shane didn't believe this but now he does and he text my son

for his game back.  I watched my son go out and give it back.  Shane

would not even look at my son or talk to him....and he turned and

skateboarded away.  I felt like saying something but bit my tongue. 

Shane fell for it and now my son's ex-b.f. got his wish....that my son

would have no friends.  And, that is what he had text my son on

Saturday.  He had said ..... " you only have Shane and once you lose him,

you'll be lonely. " How cruel can kids be.

 

My heart is breaking and I am crying...my son went to bed at 6 p.m. and

doesnt' want to eat.  now I can understand why kids committ suicide.

 

jan

 

And, when we went to the psychiatrist....he told me next time my son

acts like he did...to call the police.  He said he can't be breaking

things like he is.

=0

D

[Guest guest]

From: Karolina Sjödin <pettson39 (DOT) se>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed/Refection s on comments Date: Tuesday, September 22, 2009, 1:52 PM

The Moment 22 of Asperger´s... .not being fully able to identify that you are being bullied/badly treated and not being able to complain even to a parent... the links are missing all the way....step 1: noticing you are being affronded... .step 2...knowing how to feel/react to that...step 3: knowing how to interact with the bully...step 4: ..knowing how much to do,responding verbally/physically ..step 5: knowing what to expect after that.....no wonder it goes wrong in so many ways.....no wonder we parents feel the strong urge to follow in our children´s steps, supervise,encourage ,be frustrated.. ..no wonder at all!

--- Den mån 2009-09-21 skrev r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>:

Från: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Ämne: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedTill: Datum: måndag 21 september 2009 12.19

>> Jan,> > I don't think you are in your sons business too much, my son doesn't fart without me knowing about it. lol> > They don't tell us too much about what is happening, so if we aren't involved how will we know what is happening. Rather that punishing your son for being so desparate to be friends with this horrid boy, get round to his house and show his parents what he is txting your son.I agree with this. Of course, you want to respect your child's privacy as much as possible. But if things are going on that may land him in trouble with the police, you need to take action accordingly. And I agree about letting the parents know about exactly what this boy is

texting--I hope your husband gave them some examples.One thing I would do differently is that I would not let my son know I am checking his personal things. I am not sure what purpose that serves. I routinely make quick checks of my kids' text messages, history file on the computer, etc., like all the professionals suggest, but I do it when they are sleeping or not around. There are some things that parents do that I just really don't think are the kids' business, and I don't think it is in their best interest to know about it. I would have made the phone call to the other parents in privacy (which I'm sure maybe he did), and only let my son know the bare minimum necessary. I would try to tell it to him in a way that he wouldn't know the details of how I got the information.Another thing to consider, since this is potentially a police matter, is actually getting the police involved--at your own initiative. It was a little different

situation, but we did this with a neighbor child, and it was very effective. We had a neighbor boy about 2 years older that was bullying our Asperger son, our son was about 7yo at the time--actually there were two of them; they were scaring our son and taking things from him. One day they took my husband's watch he had lent our son, and my husband saw red LOL. It was about the 3rd thing they had taken. There was the one boy who had actually taken the watch and seemed to be kind of leading his friend. My dh sat down, thought for a minute, and said, we need to do something to let this boy's parents know there are going to be consequences when their son messes with our son. So, he called the police. A police officer came and talked to us. The police officer was the one who figured out our son was being bullied regularly by this boy; we hadn't really figured that out--he had not complained. (When the police officer asked him if he was scared of this boy, he

said "not too bad"--he was so cute back then!) So, the police officer got us all together. Both the boy and his mother (she turned out to be a single mom) lied about things in front of the officer, but I could tell the officer could tell. We didn't press charges, but the police officer let the boy and his mother know that he had this boy's name and face and if anything else happened, he was considered to have a history and there would be consequences. I will tell you, we never had any problems whatsoever with that boy again (or the other one). Just something to consider and keep in the back of your mind.Good luck! I hope you and your family have a better day today!

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.

[Guest guest]

Oh Jan......

I don't think the police are necessary, either. It's anger and sadness....and the inability to control feelings.

I'm so sorry.

Like "R" said, (not quoting), reassure him that he's awesome and this, too, shall pass. You'll be a bit battered, buy it'll pass. Thank God that you have a husband who will do things with him and you are an incredible mom.I wish we could all stop giving a Sh** about nasty kids being mean to ours. It kills me, ya know?

I always tell my kids that being a kid is SOOOO hard. That I wouldn't be a kid again for anything in the world. That it's soooo hard.

That someday, believe it or not, they will get out of school and it gets better.

Hug him and hang with him and just let him know how much he means to you. I hear you about suicide. It's something you just don't want to think about,,,,,but yes,,,,,you're right.

Love him, Jan.

Hugs to you.

Robin

From: Karolina Sjödin <pettson39 (DOT) se>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed/Refection s on comments Date: Tuesday, September 22, 2009, 1:52 PM

The Moment 22 of Asperger´s... .not being fully able to identify that you are being bullied/badly treated and not being able to complain even to a parent... the links are missing all the way....step 1: noticing you are being affronded... .step 2...knowing how to feel/react to that...step 3: knowing how to interact with the bully...step 4: ..knowing how much to do,responding verbally/physically ..step 5: knowing what to expect after that......no wonder it goes wrong in so many ways.....no wonder we parents feel the strong urge to follow in our children´s steps, supervise,encourage ,be frustrated.. ..no wonder at all!

--- Den mån 2009-09-21 skrev r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>:

Från: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Ämne: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedTill: Datum: måndag 21 september 2009 12.19

>> Jan,> > I don't think you are in your sons business too much, my son doesn't fart without me knowing about it. lol> > They don't tell us too much about what is happening, so if we aren't involved how will we know what is happening. Rather that punishing your son for being so desparate to be friends with this horrid boy, get round to his house and show his parents what he is txting your son.I agree with this. Of course, you want to respect your child's privacy as much as possible. But if things are going on that may land him in trouble with the police, you need to take action accordingly. And I agree about letting the parents know about exactly what this boy is

texting--I hope your husband gave them some examples.One thing I would do differently is that I would not let my son know I am checking his personal things. I am not sure what purpose that serves. I routinely make quick checks of my kids' text messages, history file on the computer, etc., like all the professionals suggest, but I do it when they are sleeping or not around. There are some things that parents do that I just really don't think are the kids' business, and I don't think it is in their best interest to know about it. I would have made the phone call to the other parents in privacy (which I'm sure maybe he did), and only let my son know the bare minimum necessary. I would try to tell it to him in a way that he wouldn't know the details of how I got the information.Another thing to consider, since this is potentially a police matter, is actually getting the police involved--at your own initiative. It was a little different

situation, but we did this with a neighbor child, and it was very effective. We had a neighbor boy about 2 years older that was bullying our Asperger son, our son was about 7yo at the time--actually there were two of them; they were scaring our son and taking things from him. One day they took my husband's watch he had lent our son, and my husband saw red LOL. It was about the 3rd thing they had taken. There was the one boy who had actually taken the watch and seemed to be kind of leading his friend. My dh sat down, thought for a minute, and said, we need to do something to let this boy's parents know there are going to be consequences when their son messes with our son. So, he called the police. A police officer came and talked to us. The police officer was the one who figured out our son was being bullied regularly by this boy; we hadn't really figured that out--he had not complained. (When the police officer asked him if he was scared of this boy, he

said "not too bad"--he was so cute back then!) So, the police officer got us all together. Both the boy and his mother (she turned out to be a single mom) lied about things in front of the officer, but I could tell the officer could tell. We didn't press charges, but the police officer let the boy and his mother know that he had this boy's name and face and if anything else happened, he was considered to have a history and there would be consequences. I will tell you, we never had any problems whatsoever with that boy again (or the other one). Just something to consider and keep in the back of your mind.Good luck! I hope you and your family have a better day today!

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.

[Guest guest]

Jan,

You need to show these txt to the boys parents, and to Shane, he is very cruel and shouldn't get away with it. I remember a girl at school doing this to me, her Mum passed away and she told people that I laughed when I heard, I was very confused, couldn't understand why on earth she would say that. Sounds like this boy has found his perfect victim, you need to get this stopped as the longer this boy thinks he is getting away with making your son miserable the more powerful he will think he is. Really get round to his house and show his parents the txts. If we dont stand up for our kids no one will, and doesn't need to know.

Did the Psyc say anything re this ? How would you feel about getting the police involved if anything else gets damaged?

Let me know how you are doing.

Lor B

x

From: Karolina Sjödin <pettson39 (DOT) se>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed/Refection s on comments Date: Tuesday, September 22, 2009, 1:52 PM

The Moment 22 of Asperger´s... .not being fully able to identify that you are being bullied/badly treated and not being able to complain even to a parent... the links are missing all the way....step 1: noticing you are being affronded... .step 2...knowing how to feel/react to that...step 3: knowing how to interact with the bully...step 4: ..knowing how much to do,responding verbally/physically ..step 5: knowing what to expect after that....no wonder it goes wrong in so many ways.....no wonder we parents feel the strong urge to follow in our children´s steps, supervise,encourage ,be frustrated.. ..no wonder at all!

--- Den mån 2009-09-21 skrev r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>:

Från: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Ämne: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressedTill: Datum: måndag 21 september 2009 12.19

>> Jan,> > I don't think you are in your sons business too much, my son doesn't fart without me knowing about it. lol> > They don't tell us too much about what is happening, so if we aren't involved how will we know what is happening. Rather that punishing your son for being so desparate to be friends with this horrid boy, get round to his house and show his parents what he is txting your son.I agree with this. Of course, you want to respect your child's privacy as much as possible. But if things are going on that may land him in trouble with the police, you need to take action accordingly. And I agree about letting the parents know about exactly what this boy is

texting--I hope your husband gave them some examples.One thing I would do differently is that I would not let my son know I am checking his personal things. I am not sure what purpose that serves. I routinely make quick checks of my kids' text messages, history file on the computer, etc., like all the professionals suggest, but I do it when they are sleeping or not around. There are some things that parents do that I just really don't think are the kids' business, and I don't think it is in their best interest to know about it. I would have made the phone call to the other parents in privacy (which I'm sure maybe he did), and only let my son know the bare minimum necessary. I would try to tell it to him in a way that he wouldn't know the details of how I got the information.Another thing to consider, since this is potentially a police matter, is actually getting the police involved--at your own initiative. It was a little different

situation, but we did this with a neighbor child, and it was very effective. We had a neighbor boy about 2 years older that was bullying our Asperger son, our son was about 7yo at the time--actually there were two of them; they were scaring our son and taking things from him. One day they took my husband's watch he had lent our son, and my husband saw red LOL. It was about the 3rd thing they had taken. There was the one boy who had actually taken the watch and seemed to be kind of leading his friend. My dh sat down, thought for a minute, and said, we need to do something to let this boy's parents know there are going to be consequences when their son messes with our son. So, he called the police. A police officer came and talked to us. The police officer was the one who figured out our son was being bullied regularly by this boy; we hadn't really figured that out--he had not complained. (When the police officer asked him if he was scared of this boy, he

said "not too bad"--he was so cute back then!) So, the police officer got us all together. Both the boy and his mother (she turned out to be a single mom) lied about things in front of the officer, but I could tell the officer could tell. We didn't press charges, but the police officer let the boy and his mother know that he had this boy's name and face and if anything else happened, he was considered to have a history and there would be consequences. I will tell you, we never had any problems whatsoever with that boy again (or the other one). Just something to consider and keep in the back of your mind.Good luck! I hope you and your family have a better day today!

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.

Låna pengar utan säkerhet.Sök och jämför lån hos Kelkoo.

[Guest guest]

I agree! The police should not be involved. I'm suprised the Psy told you that. My 14-yr DS will get into those type of mood. It's hard to distinguished with the HFA or teenage hormones. It's so sad that our kids go through this. Kids can be so mean!!!

Hang in there.

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed/It is worse now Date: Thursday, September 24, 2009, 7:03 PM

Well, I wouldn't call the police. I know people have. But this will get him into all sorts of trouble. I wouldn't want to deal with them. Do you think they will know anything about AS kids? Probably not. He is having a hard time, dealing with AS and puberty. Find him ways to "lash out" that do not involve breaking things. Then teach him over and over again until it sticks.As for the kids - are these boys? Because it sounds like a girls soap opera. I didn't know boys were that girlish with the "he said/She said" sort of thing. I know boys can be nasty. I just am surprised. I wouldn't want my kid to be around these guys. Don't get too involved in the soap opera. Just reassure your ds he is a worthwhile kid! Let him know you love him. Tell him these boys are being ugly and that's too bad. It IS upsetting. But find him other things to do as well and get him to focus on other things as

well. Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke Re: ( ) Son Depressed , I'm depressed/It is worse nowthought it was bad...and my blames me for losing his b.f. "S"....but it gets worse. "S" texted a kid and that kid text 's only friend in the neighborhood and said lies ...."S" said my son was saying stuff about Shane's dad who just past

away. My son had done this when he and Shane were fighting...but that is all over now...and he only did it because Shane kept asking my son "So how's Poppy" ....knowing Poppy had passed away. At first Shane didn't believe this but now he does and he text my son for his game back. I watched my son go out and give it back. Shane would not even look at my son or talk to him....and he turned and skateboarded away. I felt like saying something but bit my tongue. Shane fell for it and now my son's ex-b.f. got his wish....that my son would have no friends. And, that is what he had text my son on Saturday. He had said ....."you only have Shane and once you lose him, you'll be lonely." How cruel can kids be. My heart is breaking and I am crying...my son went to bed at 6 p.m. and doesnt' want to eat. now I can understand why kids

committ suicide. jan And, when we went to the psychiatrist. ...he told me next time my son acts like he did...to call the police. He said he can't be breaking things like he is.=0D