Re: messy child - what to do?

[Guest guest]

thanks,

so ultimately, the only way long-term is to work with them and train them to

overcome their being overwhelmed by doing it together ie confiscating is futile?

I don't expect perfection, just want to be able to find things, and have him

find things - otherwise more frustrating.

We do have some plastic tubs - one with lego, one with other stuff etc. He has

a compulsion to take over the house with his stuff. It's like he is

uncomfortable with tidied spaces - they need to be filled. If I clear out a box

in the house (ready to sort some stuff into it), he sniffs it out and fills it

with his stuff. Not sure if selling nearly all of our possessions when he was 4

and moving country had something to do with it?

He gets attached to objects, even junk, yet doesn't take care of his things (or

other people's things) - very contradictory.

Miranda

>

>

> From: baileybear64 <baileybear64@...>

> Subject: ( ) messy child - what to do?

>

> Date: Friday, July 9, 2010, 11:45 AM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> My 7 old child is of the rigid-easily frustrated flavour (and prone to

tantrums).

>

> He is very messy and takes everything out and spreads it around the house. He

is very particular, yet careless. He is attached to his possessions, yet doesn't

take care of them. ie is contradictory.

>

> We can make his room tidy and then the next day it is a bomb-site. He takes

over the whole house with his stuff like a dog marking his territory.

>

> My husband is frustrated with this, especially with expensive things like lego

and DVDs.

>

> My son doesn't know where to start when tidying up. He is chronically

disorganised (is this a feature of ADHD more than AS?). He needs a lot of

direction to tidy his room, otherwise melts down at the thought of it.

Ironically, he has perfectionist traits (the kind where if it can't be done

right, then won't do it at all)

>

> Things we have tried are confiscating the things left on the lounge floor

(which risks more meltdowns), trying to get him to pick it up before he gets

something he wants (more risk of meltdowns), having a place for everything.

Nothing seems to work. My husband things trying to do any of these things are

pointless because haven't worked (guess where he got his easily frustrated

traits from?)

>

> Any suggestions? Will confiscating work eventually? Do I just pick it up and

dump it back in his room. My son adores making legos and it annoys us that it

will most likely get vacuumed up or chewed on by the dog. My husband gets really

irked about the DVDs etc not being returned to their cases.

>

> Miranda

>

> Some

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, I definitely think he has OCD traits, and many OCD's are hoarders and messy

(as well as the neat-freak ones).

Psychologist actually suggesting giving him access to less toys. I like your

locked store idea & exchanging toys. We have a spare wardrobe we could use. He

can't be trusted to leave things alone.

The constant clutter drives me insane, and most of it's his!

Miranda

> >

> > My 7 old child is of the rigid-easily frustrated flavour (and prone to

tantrums).

> >

> > He is very messy and takes everything out and spreads it around the house.

He is very particular, yet careless. He is attached to his possessions, yet

doesn't take care of them. ie is contradictory.

> >

> > We can make his room tidy and then the next day it is a bomb-site. He takes

over the whole house with his stuff like a dog marking his territory.

> >

> > My husband is frustrated with this, especially with expensive things like

lego and DVDs.

> >

> > My son doesn't know where to start when tidying up. He is chronically

disorganised (is this a feature of ADHD more than AS?). He needs a lot of

direction to tidy his room, otherwise melts down at the thought of it.

Ironically, he has perfectionist traits (the kind where if it can't be done

right, then won't do it at all)

> >

> > Things we have tried are confiscating the things left on the lounge floor

(which risks more meltdowns), trying to get him to pick it up before he gets

something he wants (more risk of meltdowns), having a place for everything.

Nothing seems to work. My husband things trying to do any of these things are

pointless because haven't worked (guess where he got his easily frustrated

traits from?)

> >

> > Any suggestions? Will confiscating work eventually? Do I just pick it up

and dump it back in his room. My son adores making legos and it annoys us that

it will most likely get vacuumed up or chewed on by the dog. My husband gets

really irked about the DVDs etc not being returned to their cases.

> >

> > Miranda

> >

> > Some

> >

>

[Guest guest]

This description fits my DD like a glove - and we had to sell and leave behind a load of our stuff and move many hundreds of miles to a new place, swapping city for rural - and she was also 4 at the time that this huge upheaval in her life (and ours!) took place.

The only way I have found is to keep putting the stuff back in her room all the time and giving her a system for tidying her room -

1st pick up all clothes - dirty in laundry, clean in cupboard

2nd pick up all books - finished with on shelves, still being read on her bed

3rd pick up all toy horses (her biggest set of playthings) - finished with on shelves, still played with put tidy but still out

4th pick up anything remaining and put in drawers, make bed, empty bin

After much heartache, tears, frustration, we are finally at the stage where I can sit in her room and prompt her to move through the steps above but she is able to largely do it herself. She just turned 9.

It took DD years to recover from our house move and traumatic cross country move - she even mourned her old bedroom carpet and still does on real "woes me's" days even though it was 4 years ago.

Hope some of this might help - but know I am as frustrated as you are!!!

a

From: baileybear64

Sent: Sunday, July 11, 2010 2:12 AM

Subject: Re: ( ) messy child - what to do?

thanks, so ultimately, the only way long-term is to work with them and train them to overcome their being overwhelmed by doing it together ie confiscating is futile?I don't expect perfection, just want to be able to find things, and have him find things - otherwise more frustrating.We do have some plastic tubs - one with lego, one with other stuff etc. He has a compulsion to take over the house with his stuff. It's like he is uncomfortable with tidied spaces - they need to be filled. If I clear out a box in the house (ready to sort some stuff into it), he sniffs it out and fills it with his stuff. Not sure if selling nearly all of our possessions when he was 4 and moving country had something to do with it?He gets attached to objects, even junk, yet doesn't take care of his things (or other people's things) - very contradictory.Miranda> > > From: baileybear64 <baileybear64@...>> Subject: ( ) messy child - what to do?> > Date: Friday, July 9, 2010, 11:45 AM> > > Â > > > > My 7 old child is of the rigid-easily frustrated flavour (and prone to tantrums). > > He is very messy and takes everything out and spreads it around the house. He is very particular, yet careless. He is attached to his possessions, yet doesn't take care of them. ie is contradictory.> > We can make his room tidy and then the next day it is a bomb-site. He takes over the whole house with his stuff like a dog marking his territory. > > My husband is frustrated with this, especially with expensive things like lego and DVDs. > > My son doesn't know where to start when tidying up. He is chronically disorganised (is this a feature of ADHD more than AS?). He needs a lot of direction to tidy his room, otherwise melts down at the thought of it. Ironically, he has perfectionist traits (the kind where if it can't be done right, then won't do it at all)> > Things we have tried are confiscating the things left on the lounge floor (which risks more meltdowns), trying to get him to pick it up before he gets something he wants (more risk of meltdowns), having a place for everything. Nothing seems to work. My husband things trying to do any of these things are pointless because haven't worked (guess where he got his easily frustrated traits from?)> > Any suggestions? Will confiscating work eventually? Do I just pick it up and dump it back in his room. My son adores making legos and it annoys us that it will most likely get vacuumed up or chewed on by the dog. My husband gets really irked about the DVDs etc not being returned to their cases.> > Miranda > > Some>

[Guest guest]

It has worked well. The main point to make to avoid meltdowns

is that this is just to help you stay organized and not a

punishment. I will help my daughter clean up and get organized

so I don't make it a punishment. I don't even mind if she just

sits and watches the idea is to limit the disorder in the house

and limit distractions.

Good luck, I know what you mean about being out of control.

There are just too many things always coming into our house

and not enough thrown out.

I think I can have an influence if I keep a tone of being

helpful and not nagging and critical. The difficult part is

to keep to a routine of cleaning up and not let things

get out of control. Otherwise it is harder to stay positive.

Pam

> > >

> > > My 7 old child is of the rigid-easily frustrated flavour (and prone to

tantrums).

> > >

> > > He is very messy and takes everything out and spreads it around the house.

He is very particular, yet careless. He is attached to his possessions, yet

doesn't take care of them. ie is contradictory.

> > >

> > > We can make his room tidy and then the next day it is a bomb-site. He

takes over the whole house with his stuff like a dog marking his territory.

> > >

> > > My husband is frustrated with this, especially with expensive things like

lego and DVDs.

> > >

> > > My son doesn't know where to start when tidying up. He is chronically

disorganised (is this a feature of ADHD more than AS?). He needs a lot of

direction to tidy his room, otherwise melts down at the thought of it.

Ironically, he has perfectionist traits (the kind where if it can't be done

right, then won't do it at all)

> > >

> > > Things we have tried are confiscating the things left on the lounge floor

(which risks more meltdowns), trying to get him to pick it up before he gets

something he wants (more risk of meltdowns), having a place for everything.

Nothing seems to work. My husband things trying to do any of these things are

pointless because haven't worked (guess where he got his easily frustrated

traits from?)

> > >

> > > Any suggestions? Will confiscating work eventually? Do I just pick it up

and dump it back in his room. My son adores making legos and it annoys us that

it will most likely get vacuumed up or chewed on by the dog. My husband gets

really irked about the DVDs etc not being returned to their cases.

> > >

> > > Miranda

> > >

> > > Some

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

thanks for that tip.

we find that any nagging, lecturing, criticising etc makes things much much

worse - how to turn resistance into meltdown!

Miranda

> > > >

> > > > My 7 old child is of the rigid-easily frustrated flavour (and prone to

tantrums).

> > > >

> > > > He is very messy and takes everything out and spreads it around the

house. He is very particular, yet careless. He is attached to his possessions,

yet doesn't take care of them. ie is contradictory.

> > > >

> > > > We can make his room tidy and then the next day it is a bomb-site. He

takes over the whole house with his stuff like a dog marking his territory.

> > > >

> > > > My husband is frustrated with this, especially with expensive things

like lego and DVDs.

> > > >

> > > > My son doesn't know where to start when tidying up. He is chronically

disorganised (is this a feature of ADHD more than AS?). He needs a lot of

direction to tidy his room, otherwise melts down at the thought of it.

Ironically, he has perfectionist traits (the kind where if it can't be done

right, then won't do it at all)

> > > >

> > > > Things we have tried are confiscating the things left on the lounge

floor (which risks more meltdowns), trying to get him to pick it up before he

gets something he wants (more risk of meltdowns), having a place for everything.

Nothing seems to work. My husband things trying to do any of these things are

pointless because haven't worked (guess where he got his easily frustrated

traits from?)

> > > >

> > > > Any suggestions? Will confiscating work eventually? Do I just pick it

up and dump it back in his room. My son adores making legos and it annoys us

that it will most likely get vacuumed up or chewed on by the dog. My husband

gets really irked about the DVDs etc not being returned to their cases.

> > > >

> > > > Miranda

> > > >

> > > > Some

> > > >

> > >

> >

>