Re: Need some ideas PLEASE...sorry this is long!

January 8, 2011

My daughter is young and we haven't dealt with this yet, but one thing I've learned is to get EVERYTHING in writing. Even the terms of that isolation day. If it's not in writing it never happened and no one ever said it. On Jan 8, 2011, at 10:58 PM, "s_hansen34" <s_hansen34@...> wrote:

Hi,

I was wondering if I could get some of your thoughts on a current situation with my son's school. Sorry in advance, this is going to be a bit long.

Let me start with a little background. On Dec 9th, my son had two meltdowns at school (crying, refusing to comply) that ended up with the school having my son call my husband who calmed him down and he was fine. So...that evening the principle calls my husband and leaves a message on his cell saying...that due to our son having had such a bad day that they were going to put him in isolation the next day and he would have to earn his way back to his classroom. (he is already in a self-contained classroom with only 4 other students) She also said that if he was compliant and did his work and didn't become beligerant in the morning, that by lunch he could go back to his class. But...if he didn't do his work or became beligerant that they would have to go ahead with the suspension and we would be called to come pick him up.

We briefed our son about what his principle said would happen the next day to prepare him. We told him to make sure his tried his best and just do his work and keep quiet.

So the next morning he was placed in the school psychologist's office. He did his work in the morning and stayed quiet. He then ate his lunch in her office (his lunch is at 10:15) and finished his work. Then the school psychologist had to leave for some reason and his BSP class teacher came in to take over. She gave him additional work and told him he could not come back to class until it was complete. Since this is not what we were initially told my son let her know. He said he wasn't going to do the work because he was good all morning and did all the other work he was given and he was suppose to be able to go back to class now. So, because he was refusing to comply and by doing so was being beligerant (this is what we were told) I received a phone call at about 1045 from the assistant principle that we needed to pick our son up.

I told her that I didn't understand why they had changed what we were originally told and that I'm sure my son feels the same way. I then asked to speak to him. I calmed him down and told him I understood his frustration but to just do the work and we would have a meeting with the principle. He said ok and went back to doing his work. I then spoke to the assistant principle again and she said I still needed to pick him up. She then threatened me, that if I was refusing to pick him up that she would call jeuvenile to pick him up. (I'm leaving a lot of other things out that she said to try to keep this as short as possible)

Anyway, so my husband goes to pick up our son. When he gets there, our son didn't even know he was still being suspended. He was totally surprised and confused. My husband left with our son without anyone saying anything to him or giving him the usual suspension form.

The following week we e-mailed the principle requesting the paperwork that we weren't given. We didn't hear back from her until just this last Wednesday after my husband sent her a second e-mail. Her response was...that our son was in "isolation" and that we were asked to pick him up because of his refusal to do his work and that because he was allowed to participate for most of the day, that it was not considered a suspension. OMG!! I cannot believe the nerve of them!

See, this suspension made it NINE days so far this year that they have suspended him. I bet they didn't think about that at the time, but now are trying to back peddle and are trying to say that it wasn't a suspension. Of course my husband wrote her back and quoted the message she left on his cell (that we still have) where she specificaly used the word suspension as well as told her the time of day I received the phone call (1045). He again asked for the paperwork we requested. So far no response from her.

So that is my story...again sorry so long. We have an IEP meeting already scheduled for this Tuesday. What should we say/do if she still hasn't responded or if she has but is still trying to say it wasn't a suspension? We are taking an advocate from The Arc of TN with us this time. But I still wanted to ask the group if anyone has any ideas.

Any ideas would be very much appreciated!

~ne

January 8, 2011

Do you know what triggers him? You can ask for accomodations to

avoid triggers. " review plans in the beginning of the day "

" give extra time for transitions and any task requiring

motor skills " etc. I would talk to your advocate about focusing on his

disability.

You can ask for a functional behaviorist assessment and a

Behavior Intervention Plan on how to calm him down when he

is upset. Some schools let the kids have a break pass if they

feel upset they can leave the room and go sit in the school

psychologists office and calm down.

Schools are suppose to hire certified behaviorist that look at

what triggers a kids with autism to meltdown and suggest

ways to prevent them from occurring. But many schools don't

or use someone on staff that is not really trained. He has AS

he is going to have issues.

We hired Yale Parent and Child Conduct Clinic privately,

and they work with us on the phone and train us and they

work with schools too. It cost on a sliding scale under

$100 and we got back about $60 from our insurance. So it has

been worth it and the school agreed to do as Yale said.

Best of luck, it is hard to deal with schools. They want our

kids to conform to there systems and sometimes our kids

can't. The flexiablity is just not there for our kids.

Pam

>

> Hi,

> I was wondering if I could get some of your thoughts on a current situation

with my son's school. Sorry in advance, this is going to be a bit long.

> Let me start with a little background. On Dec 9th, my son had two meltdowns at

school (crying, refusing to comply) that ended up with the school having my son

call my husband who calmed him down and he was fine. So...that evening the

principle calls my husband and leaves a message on his cell saying...that due to

our son having had such a bad day that they were going to put him in isolation

the next day and he would have to earn his way back to his classroom. (he is

already in a self-contained classroom with only 4 other students) She also said

that if he was compliant and did his work and didn't become beligerant in the

morning, that by lunch he could go back to his class. But...if he didn't do his

work or became beligerant that they would have to go ahead with the suspension

and we would be called to come pick him up.

> We briefed our son about what his principle said would happen the next day to

prepare him. We told him to make sure his tried his best and just do his work

and keep quiet.

> So the next morning he was placed in the school psychologist's office. He did

his work in the morning and stayed quiet. He then ate his lunch in her office

(his lunch is at 10:15) and finished his work. Then the school psychologist had

to leave for some reason and his BSP class teacher came in to take over. She

gave him additional work and told him he could not come back to class until it

was complete. Since this is not what we were initially told my son let her know.

He said he wasn't going to do the work because he was good all morning and did

all the other work he was given and he was suppose to be able to go back to

class now. So, because he was refusing to comply and by doing so was being

beligerant (this is what we were told) I received a phone call at about 1045

from the assistant principle that we needed to pick our son up.

> I told her that I didn't understand why they had changed what we were

originally told and that I'm sure my son feels the same way. I then asked to

speak to him. I calmed him down and told him I understood his frustration but to

just do the work and we would have a meeting with the principle. He said ok and

went back to doing his work. I then spoke to the assistant principle again and

she said I still needed to pick him up. She then threatened me, that if I was

refusing to pick him up that she would call jeuvenile to pick him up. (I'm

leaving a lot of other things out that she said to try to keep this as short as

possible)

> Anyway, so my husband goes to pick up our son. When he gets there, our son

didn't even know he was still being suspended. He was totally surprised and

confused. My husband left with our son without anyone saying anything to him or

giving him the usual suspension form.

> The following week we e-mailed the principle requesting the paperwork that we

weren't given. We didn't hear back from her until just this last Wednesday after

my husband sent her a second e-mail. Her response was...that our son was in

" isolation " and that we were asked to pick him up because of his refusal to do

his work and that because he was allowed to participate for most of the day,

that it was not considered a suspension. OMG!! I cannot believe the nerve of

them!

> See, this suspension made it NINE days so far this year that they have

suspended him. I bet they didn't think about that at the time, but now are

trying to back peddle and are trying to say that it wasn't a suspension. Of

course my husband wrote her back and quoted the message she left on his cell

(that we still have) where she specificaly used the word suspension as well as

told her the time of day I received the phone call (1045). He again asked for

the paperwork we requested. So far no response from her.

> So that is my story...again sorry so long. We have an IEP meeting already

scheduled for this Tuesday. What should we say/do if she still hasn't responded

or if she has but is still trying to say it wasn't a suspension? We are taking

an advocate from The Arc of TN with us this time. But I still wanted to ask the

group if anyone has any ideas.

> Any ideas would be very much appreciated!

> ~ne

>

January 9, 2011

In all of this, nobody is outlining what caused him to have the initial problem in the first place. I have a now 22 yo ds (hfa, dyslexia) who was always "refusing to do his work" and it was always for a specific reason, once we tracked it down. The reasons varied, obviously. But shutting down is not an uncommon response to stress or overload for some of these kids. They just stop. I honestly wish I had been given a dime for everytime a teacher told me my ds was "refusing to do his work." lol. I'd be rather wealthy right now...big sigh...

If he is already in such a restrictive setting, then it is obvious that they realize he has needs and behavioral issues. (duh) What you need is a "functional behavior assessment" (FBA) to be done by someone with experience and knowledge with ASD's. You need to find out what the original problem is with doing the work and how to fix that with an appropriate "positive behavior plan." This is part of the law. Here is a great page full of links all about behavior issues in the school and also about FBA's --> http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/discipl.index.htm

My advice would be not to argue over the phone with this woman about what was said or not said. I would write a short outline of events, write what was said and by whom and hand copies to the people at the meeting. They can obviously write you back to dispute what was said, but half the time they don't even bother. Just get your version of events in writing. I would start with the initial meltdown that he had. I would also write that they are implementing a negative behavior plan without your permission or consent and that you would like an FBA done by a qualified profession with experience in behavioral intervention and autism to assess the situation and provide the team with an outline for an appropriate "positive" behavior plan,which should be implemented by everyone. Also, you can add that sitting in a room doing busy work is not the same thing as receiving an appropriate education and that you do not feel your child is receiving an appropriate education at this point

January 9, 2011

Shame on your school! I thought mine was bad, maybe I should be more grateful. Good to get an Advocate, we have one from the start, but even then we still don't have an IEP we are in agreement with, so therefore didn't sign.

Back to you. How old is your son? These people sound like bullies, to your son and you two. Threatening juevenile to come in seems way over board for not completeing school work. I would have a meltdown too if I had to deal with these people.

Can't you state in your next IEP a detailed Behavioural Plan that will take you through some steps were everyone is on the same page? I'm sorry I don't have much to offer, just wanted to let you know I'm sending some positive thoughts your way for the IEP. Good Luck and let us know what happened.

From: s_hansen34 <s_hansen34@...> Sent: Sat, January 8, 2011 7:58:42 PMSubject: ( ) Need some ideas PLEASE...sorry this is long!

Hi,I was wondering if I could get some of your thoughts on a current situation with my son's school. Sorry in advance, this is going to be a bit long.Let me start with a little background. On Dec 9th, my son had two meltdowns at school (crying, refusing to comply) that ended up with the school having my son call my husband who calmed him down and he was fine. So...that evening the principle calls my husband and leaves a message on his cell saying...that due to our son having had such a bad day that they were going to put him in isolation the next day and he would have to earn his way back to his classroom. (he is already in a self-contained classroom with only 4 other students) She also said that if he was compliant and did his work and didn't become beligerant in the morning, that by lunch he could go back to his class. But...if he didn't do his work or became beligerant that they would have to go ahead with the suspension and we would be

called to come pick him up. We briefed our son about what his principle said would happen the next day to prepare him. We told him to make sure his tried his best and just do his work and keep quiet.So the next morning he was placed in the school psychologist's office. He did his work in the morning and stayed quiet. He then ate his lunch in her office (his lunch is at 10:15) and finished his work. Then the school psychologist had to leave for some reason and his BSP class teacher came in to take over. She gave him additional work and told him he could not come back to class until it was complete. Since this is not what we were initially told my son let her know. He said he wasn't going to do the work because he was good all morning and did all the other work he was given and he was suppose to be able to go back to class now. So, because he was refusing to comply and by doing so was being beligerant (this is what we were told) I received a phone

call at about 1045 from the assistant principle that we needed to pick our son up. I told her that I didn't understand why they had changed what we were originally told and that I'm sure my son feels the same way. I then asked to speak to him. I calmed him down and told him I understood his frustration but to just do the work and we would have a meeting with the principle. He said ok and went back to doing his work. I then spoke to the assistant principle again and she said I still needed to pick him up. She then threatened me, that if I was refusing to pick him up that she would call jeuvenile to pick him up. (I'm leaving a lot of other things out that she said to try to keep this as short as possible)Anyway, so my husband goes to pick up our son. When he gets there, our son didn't even know he was still being suspended. He was totally surprised and confused. My husband left with our son without anyone saying anything to him or giving him the

usual suspension form. The following week we e-mailed the principle requesting the paperwork that we weren't given. We didn't hear back from her until just this last Wednesday after my husband sent her a second e-mail. Her response was...that our son was in "isolation" and that we were asked to pick him up because of his refusal to do his work and that because he was allowed to participate for most of the day, that it was not considered a suspension. OMG!! I cannot believe the nerve of them!See, this suspension made it NINE days so far this year that they have suspended him. I bet they didn't think about that at the time, but now are trying to back peddle and are trying to say that it wasn't a suspension. Of course my husband wrote her back and quoted the message she left on his cell (that we still have) where she specificaly used the word suspension as well as told her the time of day I received the phone call (1045). He again asked for the

paperwork we requested. So far no response from her. So that is my story...again sorry so long. We have an IEP meeting already scheduled for this Tuesday. What should we say/do if she still hasn't responded or if she has but is still trying to say it wasn't a suspension? We are taking an advocate from The Arc of TN with us this time. But I still wanted to ask the group if anyone has any ideas. Any ideas would be very much appreciated! ~ne

January 9, 2011

Well first of all , how old is your son? Not that it really matters , because this is awful no matter how old the child is!! But anyway , ummmmmm this school sounds like a prison!!! I mean is them putting your son in isolation spanish for " we sent your son to do some time in the hole today" I mean COME ON!! The very first thing i would say to them , is that " I'm am going to speak right now , am what that means is when im speaking , it requires no further input on your part, So im gonna need you guys to put on your listening ears , and your big boy pants and pay close attention!!! :)"also i would say " I have very real concerns and questions as far as your intelligence and ability to properly interact with my son!!" I mean child 101 , DONT BREAK THE

ROUTINE!!!" Your son sucked it up and and did what you told him to do and was more than well behaved for that entire morning , because he knew he would get to go back by his friends other kids in the other classroom!! I am sorry but I am seriously so mad about this they tell your son you do this , we will do this , that was the deal!! And how UNFAIR of them to just take that away!! I cant even imagine the anger and confusion that he felt !! I mean really have those teachers put themselves in his shoes , and ask them how they would feel if this happened to them or one of there kids!!! This is entirely their fault , your son has probably completely lost ALL faith and respect in them , and im guessing he probably feels like he is just some HUUUGE inconvenience at that school , or like he isnt good enough , because even when he does do what they ask , they still punch him in the gut and say " yeaaaaaah , no thats not

happening !! And how the hell did they think he was going to react!! He was just gonna sit there and say " oh ok so i was good all day like you asked of me , but im still gonna be punished , " " NO, IM TOTALLY COOL WITH THAT IDEA , SOUNDS GOOD , LETS DO IT !!! :):)" I would have gotten beligerant too!! ANd not to mention , how you have to deal with the after math , and try to explain to him why these super smart adults , his teachers and principal decided he didnt earn the right to go back to the classroom!! Cause all he is gonna hear out of that conversation is " SORRY SON THEY DONT THINK YOUR GOOD ENOUGH , AND YOU ARE JUST ONE BIG HUGE PROBLEM IN THEIR SCHOOL, BUT PLEASE DONT HAVE LOW SELF ESTEEM BECAUSE OF THIS!!! I would tell them , this may be something that seems like a small issue to THEM , but to him , it was not , and has now damaged severely , his self esteem , his motivation to follow directions

and rules , because now im sure he is gonna think " well , shoot ... whats the point of doing what adults ask me to at school because they are just gonna punish me anyway!!"What a poor , POOR excuse for teachers , these idiots are!! I mean really!! Even if the teacher that told him he could go back to the classroom was not aware of the deal that had been agreed upon, i would certainly think that as soon as your son said " oh hey wait a minute actually , everyone said if i do this , then i get this...." that some, tho probably dim ,light bulb would go off in her mind and she would say oooooh ok well sorry , lets go then , you have earned it, OR heeey maybe even some encouragement and self responsibility , like " oooh im sorry student , your right , you have earned it , and i know this would be probably waaaaay to hard for someone in that school to do but what about saying " YEAH WAY TO GO, or maybe " good job student" BUt noooooo

instead he got , we dont care you did what we asked an behaved , we are still gonna punish you , and if you put up a fight , we are gonna punish you even harder!!! SO sit your ass down and learn your ABC'S!! GOOOOD LORD , im sorry , now im getting beligerant so i should probably stop talking now im sure you dont need me adding fuel to the fire lol , But i really feel for you and your son , and i just really dont know what small voices inside of that schools head were telling them what they were doing was ok!!! The point is , this ridiculously small incident has had ridiculously negative results!!!! Shame on them!!!!! So lucky they dont have to deal with me , because i am pit bull in heat when it comes to my boys !! Dont let them walk all over you , someone needs to take accountability for the way your son was treated! How your son acted after the fact is really irrelevant , deal with one problem at a time , First problem ,

who's fantastically bright idea was it to break the routine ?? and deal with them first!! ANd because of that your son should not be punished for the way he reacted , your his mother , i am confident in the fact that you have since told your son listen ," what they did was wrong , but you shouldnt have reacted like that" "when you feel like your gonna blow up , call me and i will help you!!! " But then again , he is a child , when something like this happens that they are sooooo confused on why they are still being punished , ofcourse they are gonna get overly emotional, hes a kid , he cant fully control his emotions , especially when the child knows they are RIGHT!!! Ok now im really gonna shut up , because my message is probably longer then yours!! Good luck , hope your son gets the help he needs to , i further more hope he doesnt feel down about himself after all this , that would be terrible because it really

wasnt his fault !!!He was the gun that went off , but they pulled the trigger!! Take care , and best wishes!!MeaghanFrom: s_hansen34 <s_hansen34@...> Sent: Sat, January 8, 2011 9:58:42 PMSubject: ( ) Need some ideas PLEASE...sorry this is long!