How Do I Not Worry About What Others Think????

[Guest guest]

Am I the only one who constantly worries about what everyone else is thinking?

I know I shouldn't.....it would be much easier if I didn't.....but I do!

This is especially true with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. For the most part, he

doesn't say a word and lets me handle everything with my son, but I often worry

this is the reason he has yet to ask me to marry him. Every time by son and

boyfriend are together, I am totally stressed out! I feel like those times

together are nothing but a test we are always going to fail. I find myself

becoming more and more depressed over this. I worry about what everyone thinks,

not just my boyfriend, but he is obviously a very important person in my

life.....how could I not worry about what he thinks when I worry about

strangers? He is only reacting the way most people seem to......but I guess I

want him to be different.

My son is constantly talking and making noise. He often speaks disrespectfully

or in a disrespectful tone. He tends to talk loud and blurt out things not

always typical of a child (I'm sure you can all relate). I can see that my

boyfriend doesn't get him at all, and it crushes me. I just don't know how we

can make things work if he never gets my son......or is that too much to ask?

Seems like most of the world doesn't get him or appreciate him the way my family

and his Dad's do. How will I ever get my boyfriend to connect with him?

Some days I feel doomed to be single and alone forever!!! Why would anyone

CHOOSE this life? I am exhausted most days from stress and worry! We went to

watch his son's basketball game (my son loves anything to do with his

son).....and I still find myself having to watch everything my 9 year old does!!

There are 4 & 5 year olds off playing together without a parent standing over

them, but I have to watch mine as I don't know what he might do or say to the

other kids. Why do parents of 4 & 5 year olds get a break when I still don't

with my 9 year old? I love him to pieces and it kills me to see how hard life

is for him......and I feel selfish when I feel sorry for myself and what I feel

is doomed to be my lonely single life.......

I just feel like I should give up on the relationship and save him from my

misery. I love him so much and can't imagine my life without him or his son,

but I feel like I am spinning my wheels to make something work that never will.

He will never understand my child.....seems like it takes a biological parent to

get that. He comes from a world where his son has been the easiest child ever.

Extremely compliant, gets straight A's, is the star of every sport

team.........that is just not us, and never will be..................

[Guest guest]

I can totally relate. It took me so long to get over the fact my child will never be "normal" so to speak. I watched my sister-in-laws child (same age as mine) reach milestones on time, when mine still can't tie his shoes (he's 7). It's saddening and maddening, and others can't relate no matter how you try to tell them how a typical day is. Even my own father says things like "he's just an active boy," or "every kid was like that in my days".

My ds behaviour started to become a problem when he was 5. Slowly I've tried to come to terms that he will never change and be "normal". Slowly I've learned-especially through this support group- to embrace him for who he is. I do this by saying every day to him "I love you just the way you are", and slowly I come to realize it's true.

Be patient, maybe your boyfriend will never "get your son", and that's ok. You can't control people anyway. I still worry when we go out in public, "what new surprise awaits me". I make sure I have a backup plan in case things go south. I'm writing too much, sorry, I just really can relate, and I hope that helps even a little. Stay with this group, they are great and keep me sane.

Cathleen

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...> Sent: Sun, January 9, 2011 4:25:07 PMSubject: ( ) How Do I Not Worry About What Others Think????

Am I the only one who constantly worries about what everyone else is thinking? I know I shouldn't.....it would be much easier if I didn't.....but I do!This is especially true with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. For the most part, he doesn't say a word and lets me handle everything with my son, but I often worry this is the reason he has yet to ask me to marry him. Every time by son and boyfriend are together, I am totally stressed out! I feel like those times together are nothing but a test we are always going to fail. I find myself becoming more and more depressed over this. I worry about what everyone thinks, not just my boyfriend, but he is obviously a very important person in my life.....how could I not worry about what he thinks when I worry about strangers? He is only reacting the way most people seem to......but I guess I want him to be different.My son is constantly talking and making noise. He often speaks disrespectfully or in

a disrespectful tone. He tends to talk loud and blurt out things not always typical of a child (I'm sure you can all relate). I can see that my boyfriend doesn't get him at all, and it crushes me. I just don't know how we can make things work if he never gets my son......or is that too much to ask? Seems like most of the world doesn't get him or appreciate him the way my family and his Dad's do. How will I ever get my boyfriend to connect with him?Some days I feel doomed to be single and alone forever!!! Why would anyone CHOOSE this life? I am exhausted most days from stress and worry! We went to watch his son's basketball game (my son loves anything to do with his son).....and I still find myself having to watch everything my 9 year old does!! There are 4 & 5 year olds off playing together without a parent standing over them, but I have to watch mine as I don't know what he might do or say to the other kids. Why do parents of 4 & 5 year

olds get a break when I still don't with my 9 year old? I love him to pieces and it kills me to see how hard life is for him......and I feel selfish when I feel sorry for myself and what I feel is doomed to be my lonely single life.......I just feel like I should give up on the relationship and save him from my misery. I love him so much and can't imagine my life without him or his son, but I feel like I am spinning my wheels to make something work that never will. He will never understand my child.....seems like it takes a biological parent to get that. He comes from a world where his son has been the easiest child ever. Extremely compliant, gets straight A's, is the star of every sport team.........that is just not us, and never will be..................

[Guest guest]

You sound like probably every single one of us has at one point or another. We are all human, and we all care what other people think to various degrees because we want to be accepted. Part of why it is so important for us to teach our kids the social skills they lack. Seeking acceptance for your son from your boyfriend is understandable. But don't beat yourself up or your boyfriend for finding it difficult. Our kids ARE difficult to understand sometimes, if not most of the time.

My husband IS my son's biological father and he still finds it very difficult to have the patience that our son obviously requires. I get very frustrated when he loses patience with him. But he does try and I have to be very careful when I try to explain things.

But I too am far from perfect with our son. Even after all the books I read and things I've learned about Aspergers. My son is 13 and even just today I found myself yelling at him at saying all the things I know do not work. I dropped him off at his friends and almost cried the whole way back home feeling guilty.

It doesn't seem fair in comparison to other parents who have NT children. But I don't think you should sell yourself short or your boyfriend. After all he's been with you for this long. He obviously loves you and your son. Our kids will "get there" too, it will just take them longer and require more effort on our part to help them. Try to focus on his strengths and what he CAN do, not so much on what he can't. Your son sounds just like mine.

One good thing you seem to have is a supportive family. It is great that everyone accepts him. With my family that's not the case. My husband's family for the most part accepts our son, but mine is no where near that, so we keep to ourselves for the most part. There are many times that I feel like "whoa is me" and "why my son and why me" but I have to pull myself out of that thinking because it doesn't do any good.

I hope you are feeling better since your post. <<hugs>> to you! ne

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...>Subject: ( ) How Do I Not Worry About What Others Think???? Date: Sunday, January 9, 2011, 7:25 PM

Am I the only one who constantly worries about what everyone else is thinking? I know I shouldn't.....it would be much easier if I didn't.....but I do!This is especially true with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years. For the most part, he doesn't say a word and lets me handle everything with my son, but I often worry this is the reason he has yet to ask me to marry him. Every time by son and boyfriend are together, I am totally stressed out! I feel like those times together are nothing but a test we are always going to fail. I find myself becoming more and more depressed over this. I worry about what everyone thinks, not just my boyfriend, but he is obviously a very important person in my life.....how could I not worry about what he thinks when I worry about strangers? He is only reacting the way most people seem to......but I guess I want him to be different.My son is constantly talking and making noise. He often speaks disrespectfully or

in a disrespectful tone. He tends to talk loud and blurt out things not always typical of a child (I'm sure you can all relate). I can see that my boyfriend doesn't get him at all, and it crushes me. I just don't know how we can make things work if he never gets my son......or is that too much to ask? Seems like most of the world doesn't get him or appreciate him the way my family and his Dad's do. How will I ever get my boyfriend to connect with him?Some days I feel doomed to be single and alone forever!!! Why would anyone CHOOSE this life? I am exhausted most days from stress and worry! We went to watch his son's basketball game (my son loves anything to do with his son).....and I still find myself having to watch everything my 9 year old does!! There are 4 & 5 year olds off playing together without a parent standing over them, but I have to watch mine as I don't know what he might do or say to the other kids. Why do parents of 4 & 5

year olds get a break when I still don't with my 9 year old? I love him to pieces and it kills me to see how hard life is for him......and I feel selfish when I feel sorry for myself and what I feel is doomed to be my lonely single life.......I just feel like I should give up on the relationship and save him from my misery. I love him so much and can't imagine my life without him or his son, but I feel like I am spinning my wheels to make something work that never will. He will never understand my child.....seems like it takes a biological parent to get that. He comes from a world where his son has been the easiest child ever. Extremely compliant, gets straight A's, is the star of every sport team.........that is just not us, and never will be..................