Re: Wwyd--involving another parent with a child on the spectrum?

[Guest guest]

we all feel sick, but outside of mentioning it to a school counselor, you have to let it go - many aspie kids get through life fine undiagnosed and if she is not neglecting him medically in a way that causes him physical harm, there is nothing you can do -the more you push, the more her wall goes up and the more denial creeps in - she probably talked to her doctor who said he was fine - she has to come to it on her own, and search for the answers herself

From: <doyourecycle@...>Subject: ( ) Wwyd--involving another parent with a child on the spectrum? Date: Wednesday, October 6, 2010, 4:02 PM

I have so much on my plate, but this issue keeps creeping it's way on my plate. My 1st grader nt daughter sits next to a boy whose mother I just met. The mom saw me in the park near the school with my toddler and asked me if I was Jane's mom. I said yes, and she said oh, my son talks about her all the time he just thinks the world of her.The woman is all over me (figuratively) and then she tells me that her ped. thinks her son has asperger's, and went on a long tirade of not knowing what to do, if she should get an official dx, and on and on. I finally told her that my daughter probably "gets" her son as her big brother has asperger's. She seemed curious at this point and I talked a bit more about my son and the struggles I've faced.She told me that she has the teacher watching out for her son and helping him. I didn't ask for clarification as to what that meant, but the teacher is a first year teacher! It was time to go and we both

walked over to the school for dismissal to get our kids. I offered her my phone numbers and ended up puttin her number in my phone.We then got our kids and left.That night I sent her a text to make sure I put her number in right (did it without my glasses) and she texted back: yup, got it. I called her several days later and didn't leave a vm. This has been almost 2 weeks now with no contact. I'm figuring maybe I scared her off with my anecdotal info, but I really don't know.So, ff to now. My daughter is a chatty . She has been telling me that this woman's son, , is stimming ALOT. I'm getting the feelin from my daughter that the kid is going to be alienated soon as my daughter says he doesn't stop doing it even though the teacher tells him and the girls don't like it when he does it. What my dd says he does is to take his hands and swipe his lips repeatedly. My daughter has talked about seeing on the playground and he sits

alone or walks around alone. Can u see where I'm going with this? If the mom doesn't want to talk with me, I just feel sick that this little guy is gonna fall through the cracks, or his stimming will get worse. Any suggestions? I'm ultimately about helping this kid--or any kid--so I find it really hard to turn the other cheek.That night

[Guest guest]

I've been in this situation. In one I talked to the teacher about a boy whom

the kids were calling " the bad kid " . I was a volunteer in my daughter's class.

The teacher knew I had a son with AS. I told her that this boy sort of reminded

me of mine and that I was worried about him. Eventually, I met the mom and

talked to her. The school did provide some support for him but they gave him an

dx of emotional disturbance. The mom was all for that because it was a label

they could take away. Ummm, what? Anyway, she agreed to that despite my

suggestion that this might not be the best thing for her kid. There's only so

much we CAN do. But you can mention to the teacher what your daughter has

observed and tell her of your concern given the experience you have with your

own child. I doubt it could do any harm at all.

Miriam

>

> I have so much on my plate, but this issue keeps creeping it's way on my

plate. My 1st grader nt daughter sits next to a boy whose mother I just met. The

mom saw me in the park near the school with my toddler and asked me if I was

Jane's mom. I said yes, and she said oh, my son talks about her all the time he

just thinks the world of her.

>

> The woman is all over me (figuratively) and then she tells me that her ped.

thinks her son has asperger's, and went on a long tirade of not knowing what to

do, if she should get an official dx, and on and on. I finally told her that my

daughter probably " gets " her son as her big brother has asperger's. She seemed

curious at this point and I talked a bit more about my son and the struggles

I've faced.

>

> She told me that she has the teacher watching out for her son and helping him.

I didn't ask for clarification as to what that meant, but the teacher is a first

year teacher! It was time to go and we both walked over to the school for

dismissal to get our kids. I offered her my phone numbers and ended up puttin

her number in my phone.We then got our kids and left.

>

> That night I sent her a text to make sure I put her number in right (did it

without my glasses) and she texted back: yup, got it. I called her several days

later and didn't leave a vm. This has been almost 2 weeks now with no contact.

I'm figuring maybe I scared her off with my anecdotal info, but I really don't

know.

>

> So, ff to now. My daughter is a chatty . She has been telling me that

this woman's son, , is stimming ALOT. I'm getting the feelin from my

daughter that the kid is going to be alienated soon as my daughter says he

doesn't stop doing it even though the teacher tells him and the girls don't like

it when he does it. What my dd says he does is to take his hands and swipe his

lips repeatedly. My daughter has talked about seeing on the playground and

he sits alone or walks around alone.

>

> Can u see where I'm going with this? If the mom doesn't want to talk with me,

I just feel sick that this little guy is gonna fall through the cracks, or his

stimming will get worse. Any suggestions? I'm ultimately about helping this

kid--or any kid--so I find it really hard to turn the other cheek.

>

> That night

>

[Guest guest]

I have sure been in your situation a lot of times. I have watched kids struggle and not been able to do anything because the parent doesn't want to see the problem or ask for the help needed (i.e. ask for more than what they are offered.) You just can't do much about it. Be open to sharing and offer to talk. But if the parent doesn't talk with you or ignores you, then you don't have much choice in the matter. Many times, I was regarded as more of a...I don't know the right word here...instigator? Someone who didn't just go with the flow? Pushy? If you push for more than they want to offer, they talk about you and even other parents will look at you funny sometimes. I often got that look, as if I was a problem parent and even other parents acted that way towards me. Like I was a "hothead" because I actually spoke up and asked questions and expected progress. It's just not the polite thing to do and so I was really looked down on for doing that. It's not like I set out to be confrontational - I used to be a very quiet and cooperative person in my previous life. lol. I don't know that people understand that part. They think we like stirring things up instead of that we are forced into it because so many of them won't join together to make progress. Ahh, a rant in the making there...

A lot of times, I felt that if their child was doing ok (which means, the kid was behaviorally under control and not causing anyone else a problem at school), then the parent was happy with the services. It was only later down the road when the child hit a bump and had "behaviors" that the parent woke up and came "to the dark side" (i.e. decided to ask for more than what was offered or to demand something be brought in.) And some parents would not even push for appropriate services at that point either. So take care of your own child and if someone wants to talk, be there.

The only other way to be helpful, I think, is to provide the parent with reading materials that might wake them up to things. Or if you run into her again and she talks with you, you can mention a hint here and there that things are not so rosy. You could share a dvd with her or a book and see if she is open to discussing things further. But she may very well be in that "It's just a different way of thinking" place that some parents are in. And that stays until they can't function in some environment or situation. It's unfortunate because they can get so much farther if they apply intervention earlier. So that is frustrating to me.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Wwyd--involving another parent with a child on the spectrum?

I have so much on my plate, but this issue keeps creeping it's way on my plate. My 1st grader nt daughter sits next to a boy whose mother I just met. The mom saw me in the park near the school with my toddler and asked me if I was Jane's mom. I said yes, and she said oh, my son talks about her all the time he just thinks the world of her.

The woman is all over me (figuratively) and then she tells me that her ped. thinks her son has asperger's, and went on a long tirade of not knowing what to do, if she should get an official dx, and on and on. I finally told her that my daughter probably "gets" her son as her big brother has asperger's. She seemed curious at this point and I talked a bit more about my son and the struggles I've faced.

She told me that she has the teacher watching out for her son and helping him. I didn't ask for clarification as to what that meant, but the teacher is a first year teacher! It was time to go and we both walked over to the school for dismissal to get our kids. I offered her my phone numbers and ended up puttin her number in my phone.We then got our kids and left.

That night I sent her a text to make sure I put her number in right (did it without my glasses) and she texted back: yup, got it. I called her several days later and didn't leave a vm. This has been almost 2 weeks now with no contact. I'm figuring maybe I scared her off with my anecdotal info, but I really don't know.

So, ff to now. My daughter is a chatty . She has been telling me that this woman's son, , is stimming ALOT. I'm getting the feelin from my daughter that the kid is going to be alienated soon as my daughter says he doesn't stop doing it even though the teacher tells him and the girls don't like it when he does it. What my dd says he does is to take his hands and swipe his lips repeatedly. My daughter has talked about seeing on the playground and he sits alone or walks around alone.

Can u see where I'm going with this? If the mom doesn't want to talk with me, I just feel sick that this little guy is gonna fall through the cracks, or his stimming will get worse. Any suggestions? I'm ultimately about helping this kid--or any kid--so I find it really hard to turn the other cheek.

That night