Re: Where do we go from here....

[Guest guest]

I don't have an older child but the one thing that stuck out to me is the six month waiting list, who and where is this to?? You should be able to As the school district to evaluate him in writing and giving consent within that letter, and by law they would have to complete testing within 60 days of when the consent was given....CarolynSent from my iPadOn Mar 5, 2011, at 12:45 AM, tcavins@... wrote:

I like many parents feel so lost right now. The waiting list to get my son evaluated for aspergers is about 6 months. I need to know how to help him now. I really feel as if I have failed him all these years. I knew in my heart that something was amiss but I kept letting others talk me out of it and tell me his problems are due to needing more disipline. When he would get angry as he often does people would look down on me as if I was this incompitant parent that would allow her child to act in the way he does. I can't tell you how many times I have lost my temper with him. People close to us, especially his dad ride him hard all the time and tell him that no one will like him and he will never have any friends if he keeps acting the way he does. His dad tells him that he'll just beat it out of him(but he never hits him) My son must feel like no one is on his side. I really try and I tell him every day that I love him and that God gave me the best son in the whole world, but I don't think he believes me.My husband and I are separated right now and I just want to do what is best for my son. I am so tired of being ridiculed. Tonight I just layed next to him in his bed for awhile while he slept. He was so peaceful just like an angel. How do I go back and repair all the damage we may have caused him over the years. I need a starting place. what works...how do i help him

[Guest guest]

The therapists at Yale University Parent and Child Conduct Clinic will

train you over the phone on how to shape behaviors using

positive reinforcement and small gradual behavior improvement

goals.

It will really help you feel like a good parent and it will

turn off all your self doubt and self criticism.

You will not regret the costs (not high) and they have a

sliding scale.

http://www.yale.edu/yaleparentingcenter/

I know this will help. It is an evidence based program.

You can also look for a certified behaviorist, but you need

one that will train you!!!!

Pam

>

> I like many parents feel so lost right now. The waiting list to get my son

evaluated for aspergers is about 6 months. I need to know how to help him now. I

really feel as if I have failed him all these years. I knew in my heart that

something was amiss but I kept letting others talk me out of it and tell me his

problems are due to needing more disipline. When he would get angry as he often

does people would look down on me as if I was this incompitant parent that would

allow her child to act in the way he does. I can't tell you how many times I

have lost my temper with him. People close to us, especially his dad ride him

hard all the time and tell him that no one will like him and he will never have

any friends if he keeps acting the way he does. His dad tells him that he'll

just beat it out of him(but he never hits him) My son must feel like no one is

on his side. I really try and I tell him every day that I love him and that God

gave me the best son in the whole world, but I don't think he believes me.My

husband and I are separated right now and I just want to do what is best for my

son. I am so tired of being ridiculed. Tonight I just layed next to him in his

bed for awhile while he slept. He was so peaceful just like an angel. How do I

go back and repair all the damage we may have caused him over the years. I need

a starting place. what works...how do i help him

>

[Guest guest]

Carolyn I have my son in a very small private school. The option to have him evaluated there isn't an option. I called the behavioral apartment at nationwide childrens hospital. That is where I was refered too. Sent from myTouch 4G----- Reply message -----From: " Carolyn " <ccweisbard@...> " " < >Subject: ( ) Where do we go from here....Date: Sat, Mar 5, 2011 9:43 am

I don't have an older child but the one thing that stuck out to me is the six month waiting list, who and where is this to?? You should be able to As the school district to evaluate him in writing and giving consent within that letter, and by law they would have to complete testing within 60 days of when the consent was given....CarolynSent from my iPadOn Mar 5, 2011, at 12:45 AM, tcavins@... wrote:

I like many parents feel so lost right now. The waiting list to get my son evaluated for aspergers is about 6 months. I need to know how to help him now. I really feel as if I have failed him all these years. I knew in my heart that something was amiss but I kept letting others talk me out of it and tell me his problems are due to needing more disipline. When he would get angry as he often does people would look down on me as if I was this incompitant parent that would allow her child to act in the way he does. I can't tell you how many times I have lost my temper with him. People close to us, especially his dad ride him hard all the time and tell him that no one will like him and he will never have any friends if he keeps acting the way he does. His dad tells him that he'll just beat it out of him(but he never hits him) My son must feel like no one is on his side. I really try and I tell him every day that I love him and that God gave me the best son in the whole world, but I don't think he believes me.My husband and I are separated right now and I just want to do what is best for my son. I am so tired of being ridiculed. Tonight I just layed next to him in his bed for awhile while he slept. He was so peaceful just like an angel. How do I go back and repair all the damage we may have caused him over the years. I need a starting place. what works...how do i help him

[Guest guest]

Actually this is not true. I actually know some children who attend private schools and still get services from the public school district. Wherever your child attends school, by law the public school district still has to evaluate your child if it is needed. At the same time many schools interpretations of said results can be less than desired....CarolynSent from my iPadOn Mar 5, 2011, at 9:58 AM, tcavins@... <tcavins@...> wrote:

Carolyn I have my son in a very small private school. The option to have him evaluated there isn't an option. I called the behavioral apartment at nationwide childrens hospital. That is where I was refered too. Sent from myTouch 4G----- Reply message -----From: "Carolyn" <ccweisbard@...>" " < >Subject: ( ) Where do we go from here....Date: Sat, Mar 5, 2011 9:43 am

I don't have an older child but the one thing that stuck out to me is the six month waiting list, who and where is this to?? You should be able to As the school district to evaluate him in writing and giving consent within that letter, and by law they would have to complete testing within 60 days of when the consent was given....CarolynSent from my iPadOn Mar 5, 2011, at 12:45 AM, tcavins@... wrote:

I like many parents feel so lost right now. The waiting list to get my son evaluated for aspergers is about 6 months. I need to know how to help him now. I really feel as if I have failed him all these years. I knew in my heart that something was amiss but I kept letting others talk me out of it and tell me his problems are due to needing more disipline. When he would get angry as he often does people would look down on me as if I was this incompitant parent that would allow her child to act in the way he does. I can't tell you how many times I have lost my temper with him. People close to us, especially his dad ride him hard all the time and tell him that no one will like him and he will never have any friends if he keeps acting the way he does. His dad tells him that he'll just beat it out of him(but he never hits him) My son must feel like no one is on his side. I really try and I tell him every day that I love him and that God gave me the best son in the whole world, but I don't think he believes me.My husband and I are separated right now and I just want to do what is best for my son. I am so tired of being ridiculed. Tonight I just layed next to him in his bed for awhile while he slept. He was so peaceful just like an angel. How do I go back and repair all the damage we may have caused him over the years. I need a starting place. what works...how do i help him

[Guest guest]

My son didn't get the proper dx either until he was almost 11. I too used to

beat myself up for all the things we did wrong or didn't do because we didn't

know. But my husband convinced me that we can't change the past but we can his

future.

Is there somewhere else you could go for an evaluation that you don't have to

wait so long? Once you get your son completely evaluated you should know what

areas he needs help in. You should also look into ABA therapy for behavior

issues.

You might also consider medication to help with any anxiety or behavior. Just

some thoughts.

ne

Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone

Carolyn <ccweisbard@...> wrote:

>I don't have an older child but the one thing that stuck out to me is the six

month waiting list, who and where is this to?? You should be able to As the

school district to evaluate him in writing and giving consent within that

letter, and by law they would have to complete testing within 60 days of when

the consent was given....

>Carolyn

>

>Sent from my iPad

>

>On Mar 5, 2011, at 12:45 AM, tcavins@... wrote:

>

>> I like many parents feel so lost right now. The waiting list to get my son

evaluated for aspergers is about 6 months. I need to know how to help him now. I

really feel as if I have failed him all these years. I knew in my heart that

something was amiss but I kept letting others talk me out of it and tell me his

problems are due to needing more disipline. When he would get angry as he often

does people would look down on me as if I was this incompitant parent that would

allow her child to act in the way he does. I can't tell you how many times I

have lost my temper with him. People close to us, especially his dad ride him

hard all the time and tell him that no one will like him and he will never have

any friends if he keeps acting the way he does. His dad tells him that he'll

just beat it out of him(but he never hits him) My son must feel like no one is

on his side. I really try and I tell him every day that I love him and that God

gave me the best son in the whole world, but I don't think he believes me.My

husband and I are separated right now and I just want to do what is best for my

son. I am so tired of being ridiculed. Tonight I just layed next to him in his

bed for awhile while he slept. He was so peaceful just like an angel. How do I

go back and repair all the damage we may have caused him over the years. I need

a starting place. what works...how do i help him

>>

>>

[Guest guest]

Even if your child is in a private school the district is still responsible for conducting evaluations and ensuring your child gets the services he needs. Call your state special ed department.ne

I like many parents feel so lost right now. The waiting list to get my son evaluated for aspergers is about 6 months. I need to know how to help him now. I really feel as if I have failed him all these years. I knew in my heart that something was amiss but I kept letting others talk me out of it and tell me his problems are due to needing more disipline. When he would get angry as he often does people would look down on me as if I was this incompitant parent that would allow her child to act in the way he does. I can't tell you how many times I have lost my temper with him. People close to us, especially his dad ride him hard all the time and tell him that no one will like him and he will never have any friends if he keeps acting the way he does. His dad tells him that he'll just beat it out of him(but he never hits him) My son must feel like no one is on his side. I really try and I tell him every day that I love him and that God gave me the best

son in the whole world, but I don't think he believes me.My husband and I are separated right now and I just want to do what is best for my son. I am so tired of being ridiculed. Tonight I just layed next to him in his bed for awhile while he slept. He was so peaceful just like an angel. How do I go back and repair all the damage we may have caused him over the years. I need a starting place. what works...how do i help him

[Guest guest]

Under wrights law it states that the school district is required to test all children in their area even in private schools as needed. I found it under child find. Our situation was slightly different as we moved my daughter to a private school in the middle of the testing, but they were required to continue testing. Not sure that she will qualify for services, but best I understand it is at the discretion of the school whether they provide services or not. Having an advocate might be helpful. Best of luck!

Becky

I like many parents feel so lost right now. The waiting list to get my son evaluated for aspergers is about 6 months. I need to know how to help him now. I really feel as if I have failed him all these years. I knew in my heart that something was amiss but I kept letting others talk me out of it and tell me his problems are due to needing more disipline. When he would get angry as he often does people would look down on me as if I was this incompitant parent that would allow her child to act in the way he does. I can't tell you how many times I have lost my temper with him. People close to us, especially his dad ride him hard all the time and tell him that no one will like him and he will never have any friends if he keeps acting the way he does. His dad tells him that he'll just beat it out of him(but he never hits him) My son must feel like no one is on his side. I really try and I tell him every day that I love him and that God gave me the best

son in the whole world, but I don't think he believes me.My husband and I are separated right now and I just want to do what is best for my son. I am so tired of being ridiculed. Tonight I just layed next to him in his bed for awhile while he slept. He was so peaceful just like an angel. How do I go back and repair all the damage we may have caused him over the years. I need a starting place. what works...how do i help him

[Guest guest]

You can't go back and fix things but you can start learning about AS and how to handle his behaviors now and for the future. One thing to remember is that lecturing and yelling and telling him to stop it hasn't worked. That is a good reason to try a new way to deal with things. Not knowing what he is doing exactly makes it hard to tell you ideas that might help. But in general, you need to figure out why he is doing something in order to figure out how to deal with it. What need is he meeting by acting in a way that is inappropriate. Then figure out what you would like him to do instead in that situation and start teaching how to him.

It is not that easy, of course. And it takes a lot of work. Our kids don't get it "naturally" so you have to teach them skills that you would sometimes think are automatic. You should also pace yourself - don't try to fix everything at once in one day. Pick one or two things that aren't working and work on those.

As for feeling bad when other people look at you, welcome to our world! You might have to grow a thicker skin than most people have to grow. A lot of people don't understand and you can't stop and teach them all. So deal with your child and try not to let other people staring get to you. Again, that is not easy!! But you can come here and scream really loudly afterward to let it out. <G>

You might also consider limiting the activities that cause so many problems for a while until things start improving. I know when my kids were little, I often waited for their dad to be home to go to the store and no, it was not convenient to do that. But I knew if I took my ds to the store, he would be overwhelmed and start screaming in no time. So we just worked around it whenever possible.

Roxanna

“Our lives begin to end the day we

become silent about things that matter.†- Luther King, Jr.

( ) Where do we go from here....

I like many parents feel so lost right now. The waiting list to get my son evaluated for aspergers is about 6 months. I need to know how to help him now. I really feel as if I have failed him all these years. I knew in my heart that something was amiss but I kept letting others talk me out of it and tell me his problems are due to needing more disipline. When he would get angry as he often does people would look down on me as if I was this incompitant parent that would allow her child to act in the way he does. I can't tell you how many times I have lost my temper with him. People close to us, especially his dad ride him hard all the time and tell him that no one will like him and he will never have any friends if he keeps acting the way he does. His dad tells him that he'll just beat it out of him(but he never hits him) My son must feel like no one is on his side. I really try and I tell him every day that I love him and that God gave me the best son in the whole wo

rld, but I don't think he believes me.My husband and I are separated right now and I just want to do what is best for my son. I am so tired of being ridiculed. Tonight I just layed next to him in his bed for awhile while he slept. He was so peaceful just like an angel. How do I go back and repair all the damage we may have caused him over the years. I need a starting place. what works...how do i help him

[Guest guest]

I so feel for you! We also had a long wait to get our son evaluated, and in the

meantime he was in the principal's office every other day, got kicked off the

bus, I had to regularly face the parents of all the kids he had

hit/strangled/pushed (we live in a very small community), my mom told me what a

bad mom I am and how my son will amount to nothing, I got all sorts of advice to

smack and strongly discipline him, or leave him to sort things out for himself

and stop helicopter parenting him, and I felt like the worst and most

incompetent parent on earth. I feel so bad for the occasions when I screamed at

him, " Whaaaatttt iiisssss wrrroooonnnggg with you?!?!? " or otherwise very

decidedly lost it.

We are still fairly fresh off the diagnosis (dxd in November 2010). Although we

suspected Asperger's, until the diagnosis is made and one clearly knows one's

parenting path will be different, it is difficult to start down that path. The

book Asperger's and Difficult Moments has great strategies on how to manage

one's own behavior and therefore help one's child; however, one should read an

introductory book to understand the child before trying to apply strategies.

Since you have yet to obtain a diagnosis, Quirky Kids is a great book since it

applies to many socio-emotionally challenged kids, not just kids with Aspergers.

Wish you well - and know that you are not alone.

- Sue

> >

> >> I like many parents feel so lost right now. The waiting list to get my son

evaluated for aspergers is about 6 months. I need to know how to help him now. I

really feel as if I have failed him all these years. I knew in my heart that

something was amiss but I kept letting others talk me out of it and tell me his

problems are due to needing more disipline. When he would get angry as he often

does people would look down on me as if I was this incompitant parent that would

allow her child to act in the way he does. I can't tell you how many times I

have lost my temper with him. People close to us, especially his dad ride him

hard all the time and tell him that no one will like him and he will never have

any friends if he keeps acting the way he does. His dad tells him that he'll

just beat it out of him(but he never hits him) My son must feel like no one is

on his side. I really try and I tell him every day that I love him and that God

gave me the best son in the whole world, but I don't think he believes me.My

husband and I are separated right now and I just want to do what is best for my

son. I am so tired of being ridiculed. Tonight I just layed next to him in his

bed for awhile while he slept. He was so peaceful just like an angel. How do I

go back and repair all the damage we may have caused him over the years. I need

a starting place. what works...how do i help him

> >>

> >>

>