Is all this NORMAL?

[Guest guest]

My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He

then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that

listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me more and more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something

you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

[Guest guest]

Ok, First, sit down and take a really deep breath and give yourself a BIG hug! Sounds like you have a really difficult situation there!! I don't think at all that you are a bad mother or are particularly doing anything wrong. I have a 8 yr old daughter that is going through puberty right now (I know too early, we are on a waiting list to see an endocrinologist to stop it) and she does the sitting down and crying over nothing every so often, and there is really nothing you can do besides give her a pillow to hit and hurt so she doesn't do it to anyone else!!! She is my Neurotypical daughter!!!! My Aspie (well really she is diagnosed PDD-NOS, but I know better does the fits over NOTHING, over being angry and she doesn't seem to be able to express it, over frustrations,

over anything she can find to throw a fit over! It is embarrassing and frustrating and some days seems to just go on and on until I finally just say "Ok it is bedtime, I don't care if it is 7pm :)"....

Ok, so what are his issues as far as you thinking he has Aspergers syndrome?? I know the tantrums (and I think we all totally get that . It is great he is in the middle of evals, is this through your Catholic school or local school district?? I think it is interesting that your psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him in order to "make him realize his behaviors". I know my aspie is completely clueless of what she is doing. I think it is unfair of her to be labeling you and telling you that you are doing things wrong. I would seek out another psychiatrist that would be more supportive if I were you. Hang in there, and don't worry, if you tell CPS (if you get reported) his diagnoses and the situation, most likely the most they will do is give you referrals of places to help you

Good luck, and don't worry this is an awesome place to vent

Carolyn

From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...> Sent: Sat, March 5, 2011 10:34:34 PMSubject: ( ) Is all this "NORMAL"?

My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide

to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me

more and more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails

because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

[Guest guest]

You just described my house a few years ago and still today only milder. Aba therapy helped. Everything you described to a T! I know my other kids suffer because of Madeline. We put Cayla in soccer a few years ago and I dreaded taking her because I knew Madeline would get mad that she wasn't involved. Madeline will gravitate to younger kids and inappropriate levels of play. When we just visited my mother two weekends ago she got away with murder only because we didn't want her to go into meltdowns since we were staying with my mother and how disruptive they can be. My husband sometimes talks ( not seriously..I hope. lol) about leaving and letting me raise her. It can be so draining when something your other children can shrug off and after dealing with the rest of life and coming home to your Aspie getting mad about something so small to you and huge to them. I am writing this as I am firmly telling my daughter to get ready for church and hoping she's doing what I tell her. lol. I don't know if this is "normal"....but it's life to me. (((hugs)))

Mom to my 4 girls

Madeline, Cayla, Arabella, & Vincenza

"You are the TRIP I did not take

You are the PEARLS I cannot buy

You are the blue Italian LAKE

YOU are my piece of foreign SKY"

---Anne ----

( ) Is all this "NORMAL"?

My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He

then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that

listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me more and more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!

I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something

you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

[Guest guest]

At about 2 1/2 he stopped following simple instructions, he's never grasped that things are dangerous regardless of how many times we've told him and punished him for the actions. He walked on his tip toes for about 2 years (only stopping when we would force him to put his feet flat on the floor). He doesn't make eye contact, he doesn't act age appropriate, he will obsess about things until your ready to scream.He doesn't do well with rain or wind, loud noises (or noises that he percieves as loud) but he makes these loud, shrill repetitive noises and food textures are also seeming to be a problem because he won't eat. He has problems engaging other children socially but will get in the middle of adults like he thinks he belongs:( I had him evaled at about 4 because I kept telling the ped something

was wrong, that he was continuing dangerous behaviors (climbing cabinets while we were sleeping to get goodies, stopped eating and only wanted goodies, she was unimpressed till an already small child lost 5 pounds, then it was my fault) I begged PreK and K teachers to tell me what I should do, he had no attention span and in PreK he did things like cut another child's finger (cause he said he thought it was paper) and after being bullied without them stepping in he got violent at school and HE got sent to the principal's office since he wasn't smart enough to be sneaky like the brats tormenting him. His first grade teacher was ready to fail him, I kept asking her what I could do to get him help, what did she think was going on and she said she couldn't help me. She wasn't a doctor she couldn't tell me what she thought. At IEP meetings she only attended one, she later told me she didn't know about the meetings as the principal didn't send her the

notices. After there was talk of Will getting OT she thought I said he had OD and I asked her (not so nicely) What the hell is OD? She thought he had oppositional defiance disorder. This is after I went through months of flying blind becasue the ped said he was fine and I had to get an appointment at Kennedy Kreiger where they looked at him maybe 45 minutes (over a 5 hour period) and declared him ADHD and medicated him. The current evals are being done by the school district in conjunction with the Catholic school. Which is awesome and somethings that he will need ARKids will pay for instead of the school district so he can get more, in fact as of this coming Oct Arkansas insurance will have to cover autism treatment.This psych is asking him is Mommy too involved with you? Do you need room to breathe? After my youngest child died Will was outside playing and disappeared. The psych said that my stifling GRIEF forced him to wander off. When

we talked to her about his anger towards me that I 'burned up' his brother she told him it was best he didn't see his baby brother because he wasn't a real baby and that Mommy didn't get to see or hold it either. I corrected her ass real quick that JACKSON was a real baby, that Mommy DID see and hold HIM and kissed HIM good bye. She said if I'd have been her patient she'd have made sure that wasn't allowed. This is really annoying me. I see a therapist in that office that I like but I don't think she's equipped to handle Will:( None of them seem to be trained to deal with my Aspie boy. I'm just afraid that if I go somewhere else we're going to go back to "He's fine, your just a worrisome mother."From: Carolyn Weisbard <ccweisbard@...> Sent: Sun, March 6, 2011 8:13:57 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Is all this "NORMAL"?

Ok, First, sit down and take a really deep breath and give yourself a BIG hug! Sounds like you have a really difficult situation there!! I don't think at all that you are a bad mother or are particularly doing anything wrong. I have a 8 yr old daughter that is going through puberty right now (I know too early, we are on a waiting list to see an endocrinologist to stop it) and she does the sitting down and crying over nothing every so often, and there is really nothing you can do besides give her a pillow to hit and hurt so she doesn't do it to anyone else!!! She is my Neurotypical daughter!!!! My Aspie (well really she is diagnosed PDD-NOS, but I know better does the fits over NOTHING, over being angry and she doesn't seem to be able to express it, over frustrations,

over anything she can find to throw a fit over! It is embarrassing and frustrating and some days seems to just go on and on until I finally just say "Ok it is bedtime, I don't care if it is 7pm :)"....

Ok, so what are his issues as far as you thinking he has Aspergers syndrome?? I know the tantrums (and I think we all totally get that . It is great he is in the middle of evals, is this through your Catholic school or local school district?? I think it is interesting that your psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him in order to "make him realize his behaviors". I know my aspie is completely clueless of what she is doing. I think it is unfair of her to be labeling you and telling you that you are doing things wrong. I would seek out another psychiatrist that would be more supportive if I were you. Hang in there, and don't worry, if you tell CPS (if you get reported) his diagnoses and the situation, most likely the most they will do is give you referrals of places to help you

Good luck, and don't worry this is an awesome place to vent

Carolyn

From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...> Sent: Sat, March 5, 2011 10:34:34 PMSubject: ( ) Is all this "NORMAL"?

My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide

to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me

more and more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails

because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

[Guest guest]

this could've been written by me

From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...>Subject: ( ) Is all this "NORMAL"? Date: Saturday, March 5, 2011, 11:34 PM

My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide

to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me

more and more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails

because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

[Guest guest]

Jenniffer you described Asperger's behavior, and yes we all or most of us mother encounter people that do not know how to handle this behavior, your son definitively needs OT, and certain types of exercices, my son used to walk on his toes, we putt him to swim for bilateral coordination, his achilles tendon is short, and he is flat footed so my poor son gets tired very soon when he runs, there are some specific excersizes for this, and if you are not happy with the therapist, change and look for a better one, and interview the therapist BEFORE you expose your son, ask her what does she know about asperger's or what is her therapeutic approach for this condition. I know, is a long road, we are all traveling here and is exhausting sometimes, hang in there, things

will get easier, be strong. We do have to be involved in our childrens lives more than other mothers because we have to advocate for them and get the best of the best to help them. From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...> Sent: Sun, March 6, 2011 2:12:19 PMSubject: Re: (excersize) Is all this "NORMAL"?

At about 2 1/2 he stopped following simple instructions, he's never grasped that things are dangerous regardless of how many times we've told him and punished him for the actions. He walked on his tip toes for about 2 years (only stopping when we would force him to put his feet flat on the floor). He doesn't make eye contact, he doesn't act age appropriate, he will obsess about things until your ready to scream.He doesn't do well with rain or wind, loud noises (or noises that he percieves as loud) but he makes these loud, shrill repetitive noises and food textures are also seeming to be a problem because he won't eat. He has problems engaging other children socially but will get in the middle of adults like he thinks he belongs:( I had him evaled at about 4 because I kept telling the ped something

was wrong, that he was continuing dangerous behaviors (climbing cabinets while we were sleeping to get goodies, stopped eating and only wanted goodies, she was unimpressed till an already small child lost 5 pounds, then it was my fault) I begged PreK and K teachers to tell me what I should do, he had no attention span and in PreK he did things like cut another child's finger (cause he said he thought it was paper) and after being bullied without them stepping in he got violent at school and HE got sent to the principal's office since he wasn't smart enough to be sneaky like the brats tormenting him. His first grade teacher was ready to fail him, I kept asking her what I could do to get him help, what did she think was going on and she said she couldn't help me. She wasn't a doctor she couldn't tell me what she thought. At IEP meetings she only attended one, she later told me she didn't know about the meetings as the principal didn't send her the

notices. After there was talk of Will getting OT she thought I said he had OD and I asked her (not so nicely) What the hell is OD? She thought he had oppositional defiance disorder. This is after I went through months of flying blind becasue the ped said he was fine and I had to get an appointment at Kennedy Kreiger where they looked at him maybe 45 minutes (over a 5 hour period) and declared him ADHD and medicated him. The current evals are being done by the school district in conjunction with the Catholic school. Which is awesome and somethings that he will need ARKids will pay for instead of the school district so he can get more, in fact as of this coming Oct Arkansas insurance will have to cover autism treatment.This psych is asking him is Mommy too involved with you? Do you need room to breathe? After my youngest child died Will was outside playing and disappeared. The psych said that my stifling GRIEF forced him to wander off. When

we talked to her about his anger towards me that I 'burned up' his brother she told him it was best he didn't see his baby brother because he wasn't a real baby and that Mommy didn't get to see or hold it either. I corrected her ass real quick that JACKSON was a real baby, that Mommy DID see and hold HIM and kissed HIM good bye. She said if I'd have been her patient she'd have made sure that wasn't allowed. This is really annoying me. I see a therapist in that office that I like but I don't think she's equipped to handle Will:( None of them seem to be trained to deal with my Aspie boy. I'm just afraid that if I go somewhere else we're going to go back to "He's fine, your just a worrisome mother."From: Carolyn Weisbard <ccweisbard@...> Sent: Sun, March 6, 2011 8:13:57 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Is all this "NORMAL"?

Ok, First, sit down and take a really deep breath and give yourself a BIG hug! Sounds like you have a really difficult situation there!! I don't think at all that you are a bad mother or are particularly doing anything wrong. I have a 8 yr old daughter that is going through puberty right now (I know too early, we are on a waiting list to see an endocrinologist to stop it) and she does the sitting down and crying over nothing every so often, and there is really nothing you can do besides give her a pillow to hit and hurt so she doesn't do it to anyone else!!! She is my Neurotypical daughter!!!! My Aspie (well really she is diagnosed PDD-NOS, but I know better does the fits over NOTHING, over being angry and she doesn't seem to be able to express it, over frustrations,

over anything she can find to throw a fit over! It is embarrassing and frustrating and some days seems to just go on and on until I finally just say "Ok it is bedtime, I don't care if it is 7pm :)"....

Ok, so what are his issues as far as you thinking he has Aspergers syndrome?? I know the tantrums (and I think we all totally get that . It is great he is in the middle of evals, is this through your Catholic school or local school district?? I think it is interesting that your psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him in order to "make him realize his behaviors". I know my aspie is completely clueless of what she is doing. I think it is unfair of her to be labeling you and telling you that you are doing things wrong. I would seek out another psychiatrist that would be more supportive if I were you. Hang in there, and don't worry, if you tell CPS (if you get reported) his diagnoses and the situation, most likely the most they will do is give you referrals of places to help you

Good luck, and don't worry this is an awesome place to vent

Carolyn

From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...> Sent: Sat, March 5, 2011 10:34:34 PMSubject: ( ) Is all this "NORMAL"?

My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide

to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me

more and more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails

because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

[Guest guest]

I second the resperidone, it has been a life saver for my son. Sycamore Art StudiosSycamore Art SchoolDeborah GustlinGraphic & Web DesignArt classes for K-12www.sycamoreartstudios.comwww.sycamoreartschool.comHome: 408-710-0892 Business: 408-710-6070From: Pamela <susanonderko@...> Sent: Mon, March 7, 2011 7:10:08 AMSubject:

( ) Re: Is all this "NORMAL"?

Why was Vyvanse selected? Why was zyprexa selected? Rispedal has

the best track record for reducing outburts behaviors in AS

and autism, and it does reduce hyperactivity. Perhaps he

would not need the Vrvanse.

Pam

>

> My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and

> ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and

> attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP

> evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with

> him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is

> tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to

> make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me

> a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I

> showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He

> refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just

> stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one

> child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will.

> He tries to guide to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and

> thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a

> naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself

> on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being

> to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am

> sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous

> contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie

> not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the

> DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I

> should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2

> she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My

> husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house

> (which leaves being the hardass to me more and more) and we are so far from

> family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of

> help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to

> help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever

> heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and

> always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him

> enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things

> she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!

>

> I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified

> someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if

> you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue

> to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your

> hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his

> fingernails because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby

> brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him

> with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to

> go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room

> he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know

> what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting

> worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just

> pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like

> this

>

[Guest guest]

A neuropsychologist will understand your son's issues and validate

you too. Family therapists and even Phd therapists are not specifically trained

to treat neurological disorders.

I is painful to not get the help and support you need.

If you can't find a neuropsychologist than look for

certified behaviorists that work with the ASD population.

Many kids with AS are such ridgid thinkers, inflexible that

they are oppositional, but it is due to AS.

It sounds like you have not had luck so far getting the support

you need.

Pam

>

> At about 2 1/2 he stopped following simple instructions, he's never grasped

that

> things are dangerous regardless of how many times we've told him and punished

> him for the actions. He walked on his tip toes for about 2 years (only

stopping

> when we would force him to put his feet flat on the floor). He doesn't make

eye

> contact, he doesn't act age appropriate, he will obsess about things until

your

> ready to scream.He doesn't do well with rain or wind, loud noises (or noises

> that he percieves as loud) but he makes these loud, shrill repetitive noises

and

> food textures are also seeming to be a problem because he won't eat. He has

> problems engaging other children socially but will get in the middle of adults

> like he thinks he belongs:( I had him evaled at about 4 because I kept telling

> the ped something was wrong, that he was continuing dangerous behaviors

> (climbing cabinets while we were sleeping to get goodies, stopped eating and

> only wanted goodies, she was unimpressed till an already small child lost 5

> pounds, then it was my fault) I begged PreK and K teachers to tell me what I

> should do, he had no attention span and in PreK he did things like cut another

> child's finger (cause he said he thought it was paper) and after being bullied

> without them stepping in he got violent at school and HE got sent to the

> principal's office since he wasn't smart enough to be sneaky like the brats

> tormenting him. His first grade teacher was ready to fail him, I kept asking

her

> what I could do to get him help, what did she think was going on and she said

> she couldn't help me. She wasn't a doctor she couldn't tell me what she

thought.

> At IEP meetings she only attended one, she later told me she didn't know about

> the meetings as the principal didn't send her the notices. After there was

talk

> of Will getting OT she thought I said he had OD and I asked her (not so

nicely)

> What the hell is OD? She thought he had oppositional defiance disorder. This

is

> after I went through months of flying blind becasue the ped said he was fine

and

> I had to get an appointment at Kennedy Kreiger where they looked at him maybe

> 45 minutes (over a 5 hour period) and declared him ADHD and medicated him. The

> current evals are being done by the school district in conjunction with the

> Catholic school. Which is awesome and somethings that he will need ARKids will

> pay for instead of the school district so he can get more, in fact as of this

> coming Oct Arkansas insurance will have to cover autism treatment.

>

> This psych is asking him is Mommy too involved with you? Do you need room to

> breathe? After my youngest child died Will was outside playing and

disappeared.

> The psych said that my stifling GRIEF forced him to wander off. When we talked

> to her about his anger towards me that I 'burned up' his brother she told him

it

> was best he didn't see his baby brother because he wasn't a real baby and that

> Mommy didn't get to see or hold it either. I corrected her ass real quick that

> JACKSON was a real baby, that Mommy DID see and hold HIM and kissed HIM good

> bye. She said if I'd have been her patient she'd have made sure that wasn't

> allowed. This is really annoying me. I see a therapist in that office that I

> like but I don't think she's equipped to handle Will:( None of them seem to be

> trained to deal with my Aspie boy. I'm just afraid that if I go somewhere else

> we're going to go back to " He's fine, your just a worrisome mother. "

>

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: Carolyn Weisbard <ccweisbard@...>

>

> Sent: Sun, March 6, 2011 8:13:57 AM

> Subject: Re: ( ) Is all this " NORMAL " ?

>

>

> Ok, First, sit down and take a really deep breath and give yourself a BIG hug!

> Sounds like you have a really difficult situation there!! I don't think at

all

> that you are a bad mother or are particularly doing anything wrong. I have a

8

> yr old daughter that is going through puberty right now (I know too early, we

> are on a waiting list to see an endocrinologist to stop it) and she does the

> sitting down and crying over nothing every so often, and there is really

nothing

> you can do besides give her a pillow to hit and hurt so she doesn't do it to

> anyone else!!! She is my Neurotypical daughter!!!! My Aspie (well really she

> is diagnosed PDD-NOS, but I know better does the fits over NOTHING, over

> being angry and she doesn't seem to be able to express it, over frustrations,

> over anything she can find to throw a fit over! It is embarrassing and

> frustrating and some days seems to just go on and on until I finally just say

> " Ok it is bedtime, I don't care if it is 7pm " ....

>

> Ok, so what are his issues as far as you thinking he has Aspergers syndrome??

I

> know the tantrums (and I think we all totally get that . It is great he is

in

> the middle of evals, is this through your Catholic school or local school

> district?? I think it is interesting that your psychiatrist is willing to

> hospitalize him in order to " make him realize his behaviors " . I know my aspie

> is completely clueless of what she is doing. I think it is unfair of her to

be

> labeling you and telling you that you are doing things wrong. I would seek

out

> another psychiatrist that would be more supportive if I were you. Hang in

> there, and don't worry, if you tell CPS (if you get reported) his diagnoses

and

> the situation, most likely the most they will do is give you referrals of

places

> to help you

> Good luck, and don't worry this is an awesome place to vent

> Carolyn

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...>

>

> Sent: Sat, March 5, 2011 10:34:34 PM

> Subject: ( ) Is all this " NORMAL " ?

>

>

> My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and

> ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and

> attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of

IEP

> evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem

with

> him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is

> tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to

> make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls

me

> a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I

> showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He

> refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he

just

> stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one

> child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will.

> He tries to guide to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and

> thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm

a

> naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself

> on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are

being

> to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I

am

> sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous

> contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie

> not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about

the

> DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I

> should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2

> she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My

> husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house

> (which leaves being the hardass to me more and more) and we are so far from

> family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of

> help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to

> help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever

> heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is

and

> always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him

> enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those

things

> she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!

>

> I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified

> someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if

> you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or

continue

> to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your

> hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his

> fingernails because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby

> brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked

him

> with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs

to

> go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that

room

> he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know

> what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting

> worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should

just

> pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like

> this

>

[Guest guest]

I agree with the Resperidon! Has worked wonders for my son. Most AS kids don't do well on typical stimulant medications like adderal, ritalin, concerta, vyvanse etc. It might help them focus better but they tend to me more irritable, moody and aggressive. ne

From: Deborah Gustlin <sycamorestudios@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Is all this "NORMAL"? Date: Monday, March 7, 2011, 2:42 PM

I second the resperidone, it has been a life saver for my son.

Sycamore Art StudiosSycamore Art SchoolDeborah GustlinGraphic & Web DesignArt classes for K-12www.sycamoreartstudios.comwww.sycamoreartschool.comHome: 408-710-0892 Business:

408-710-6070

From: Pamela <susanonderko@...> Sent: Mon, March 7, 2011 7:10:08 AMSubject: ( ) Re: Is all this "NORMAL"?

Why was Vyvanse selected? Why was zyprexa selected? Rispedal hasthe best track record for reducing outburts behaviors in ASand autism, and it does reduce hyperactivity. Perhaps he would not need the Vrvanse. Pam >> My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and > ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and > attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP > evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with > him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is >

tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to > make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me > a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I > showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He > refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just > stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one > child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. > He tries to guide to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and > thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a > naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself > on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being > to

emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am > sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous > contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie > not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the > DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I > should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 > she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My > husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house > (which leaves being the hardass to me more and more) and we are so far from > family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of > help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to > help here.

My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever > heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and > always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him > enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things > she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!> > I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified > someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if > you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue > to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your > hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his > fingernails because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby > brother picked up a butter knife Will

started saying that the baby attacked him > with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to > go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room > he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know > what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting > worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just > pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like > this>

[Guest guest]

, I just feel the stress coming through the email. I remember not knowing what to do, having behaviors popping out everywhere, people lecturing me on what I was doing wrong.

First, I don't think you are a helicopter mother. I really resent people coming up with these cutesy and trite phrases when they have no clue. There is just this knee jerk reaction to blame you and to see your behavior as the problem when you are always behind the problem trying to hold everyone together. I got the same thing when my oldest started having problems. "He doesn't talk because you do it for him." They didn't realize that I "talked for him" because he didn't talk. And it just made me so ticked off that my attempts to help the situation were met with blame and accusations. I was trying to cope with a big problem. It's not like the people who do this to us have any real solutions themselves. Well, except to blame us for the problem! lol

I would find a new therapist or whoever this chick is who has the contracts. obviously, lecturing and taking things away and making him sign contracts (I hate that one) is not working. So to keep after that, pretty much a waste of time. And hospitalize him to make him realize he needs to stop the behaviors? YIKES! What CRAP! That idea ranks right up there. lol. Mostly because this is not a willful "I'm a bad kid" disability. This is a neurological disability. In other words, these kids have their brains wired differently and this can affect a host of different areas in a variety of ways. So many times, what appears to be a "little brat" is really a kid coping in the only way he can manage. Until he learns appropriate coping skills, social skills, etc., you can scream at him all day long and it won't make any difference. So part of the solution is finding ways to teach him. I mean, most kids (NT kids) learn because everything works rather smoothly from observation, experiments to learning lessons. They learn to appreciate cause and effect, learn to read facial clues, learn how to make friends and keep them, know when to be quiet. You just have a kid who requires considerably more instruction in these things because it doesn't come naturally.

I mean, look at a kid who has dyslexia, for instance. Does he not read correctly because he chooses not to? He's just being stupid? He just wants to piss off everyone around him? No. He has a neurological disability that causes him to be unable to read via the "normal" ways and he requires more specific instruction and remediation of any problem areas before he can learn to read. It's the same concept. Our kids need extra instruction in all social areas - behavior, understanding, getting cause/effect, etc. I mean, taking away his DS probably means to him, "You stole my DS!" and he won't equate that with whatever he was doing wrong that got you so angry that you took it away. (This is not to say you were wrong to take it away, just that the reason he keeps talking about it is that he obviously missed the lesson you were hoping he would get!!)

There are other doc's/therapists out there who can not only recognize that there is a problem, but offer real solutions. As for your dh, I kind of don't blame him in some ways. If life is so chaotic, it would be nice to do whatever you could to smooth it out a little. I mean, we all react in our own way - you try to manage everything so it doesn't fall apart, he tries to smooth it all over so things calm down. You are both trying to cope with a difficult situation.

You might consider finding a good ABA therapist to come in, evaluate things and figure out ways to manage the behaviors better. It is not easy, but they help determine the reason he's doing a particular behavior, figure out how to meet that need in a more socially acceptable way, then help shape the behavior.

Also you mention the noises he makes. He could very well have Tourette Syndrome --> http://www.tourettesyndrome.net

Roxanna

“Our lives begin to end the day we

become silent about things that matter.†- Luther King, Jr.

( ) Is all this "NORMAL"?

My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He

then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that

listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me more and more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!

I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something

you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

[Guest guest]

I agree with ne, that is what I have read in the clinical

trials from Mt. Sinai Autism Center, that there are more

adverse reactions for ASD kids.

Pam

> >

> > My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety

and

> > ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and

> > attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of

IEP

> > evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem

with

> > him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is

> > tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him

to

> > make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls

me

> > a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act.

I

> > showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He

> > refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he

just

> > stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because

one

> > child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with

Will.

> > He tries to guide to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and

> > thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that

I'm a

> > naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws

himself

> > on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are

being

> > to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I

am

> > sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this

ridiculous

> > contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior

(ie

> > not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about

the

> > DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I

> > should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2

1/2

> > she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My

> > husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house

> > (which leaves being the hardass to me more and more) and we are so far from

> > family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of

> > help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time

to

> > help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've

ever

> > heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is

and

> > always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him

> > enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those

things

> > she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!

> >

> > I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified

> > someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and

if

> > you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or

continue

> > to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells

your

> > hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his

> > fingernails because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby

> > brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked

him

> > with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he

needs to

> > go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that

room

> > he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't

know

> > what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's

getting

> > worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should

just

> > pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like

> > this

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You know this is so common for doctors, teachers, extended family members to want to blame the MOM when a child has issues. The Mom is not strict enough, too strict, depressed, too protective and on and on. I had this happen to me when my son was 8 or 9 when I tried to have him assessed for AS the first time and was told by the dr that is he didn't think my son had Aspergers after one visit. My son is crawling on the floor, under the dr's desk, grabbing stuff off of his desk etc and I tell him that if he sits at the table and draws (which he loved to do) that we would go to Mcs for lunch. After the appointment it WAS lunchtime and we had an hour drive home. So I would have stopped at McDs anyway! So he drew and I was able to talk to the dr. Little did I know that he would write that up in his report that he thought I was bribing my son and

my discipline techniques are the issue.

It is SO easy for others to judge that have NO clue what we go through or what we deal with on a daily basis. ne

From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...>Subject: ( ) Is all this "NORMAL"? Date: Saturday, March 5, 2011, 11:34 PM

My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide

to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me

more and more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails

because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

[Guest guest]

Amen.

Robin

From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...>Subject: ( ) Is all this "NORMAL"? Date: Saturday, March 5, 2011, 11:34 PM

My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide

to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me

more and more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails

because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

[Guest guest]

Imagine how amazing it would be if everyone HONESTLY minded their own business and didn't judge each other. (Me, included).

Imagine how wonderful you'd feel if you knew that when you dropped your kids off at school, that they would be loved for the wonderful, kind, awesome, struggling kids that they are.

Imagine how happy your child would feel if he or she was always included. I don't care if it would be for gym, lunchtime, sleepovers or going for a bike ride.

Imagine how cool the world would be if EVERYONE'S uniqueness was accepted. Plain and simple. No questions asked.

Imagine how neat it would be if all kids' opinions and feelings and issues were worked with calmly....by everyone. And that the kids around OUR kids liked our kids just as much as they liked "normal" kids. In a way,,,,,,,if everyone was looked at as neat, no matter what.

All these things are so simple. It's what we're taught, or supposed to be taught, when we're young. Biblical or not, we are taught to love and respect one another. Makes me cry. Makes me sad that on top of all the crap my kids have to struggle with and overcome and adapt to, that they are still taught to be nice and treat others kindly. AND they get it. They do it. They'd stick up for others if the chips were down.

And that makes me sooo proud of them. It makes me proud of my husband and I. It's just hard to remember that we are raising sweet, smart, nice, kind, GOOD kids when you have to be in "fight' mode so often. It's hard to remember when I feel anger towards mothers (and sometimes friends of mine) who are literally struggling and sometimes complaining because their kids have too much homework or that they have to run one kid to the mall with her friends and pick up another one at basketball practice. It makes me so damned mad......that I cry.

........................sorry for my breakdown....................he he.

Robin

From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...>Subject: ( ) Is all this "NORMAL"? Date: Saturday, March 5, 2011, 11:34 PM

My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide

to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me

more and more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails

because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

[Guest guest]

I second that amen!!!Sent from myTouch 4G----- Reply message -----From: " and/or Robin Lemke " <jrisjs@...>< >Subject: ( ) Is all this " NORMAL " ?Date: Tue, Mar 8, 2011 10:35 pm

Amen.

Robin

From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...>Subject: ( ) Is all this "NORMAL"? Date: Saturday, March 5, 2011, 11:34 PM

My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide

to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me

more and more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails

because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

[Guest guest]

My son was misdiagnosed for 13 yrs. Find a Dr, psychiatrist and counselor who

work with Autism. They will diagnosis him still if you feel they are missing

somehting find someone else. Dont give up!

>

>

> From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...>

> Subject: ( ) Is all this " NORMAL " ?

>

> Date: Saturday, March 5, 2011, 11:34 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and

ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and

attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP

evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with

him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is

tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to

make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me

a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I

showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He

refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just

stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one

child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will.

He tries to guide

> to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I

digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed

mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking

floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this

behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip

toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts

that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing

school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it

is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should

change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is

the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is

giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves

being the hardass to me more and

> more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they

would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own

life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I

hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough

schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough,

that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe

she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!

>

> I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified

someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if

you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue

to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your

hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his

fingernails because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby

brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him

with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to

go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room

he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know

what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting

worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just

pack my crap now and let

> his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

>

[Guest guest]

I could've written that too! My son is 6.5 yrs (dx HFA/Asperger's, ADHD,

Anxiety, SPD)- I have a younger son too who is NT and starting to emulate. Very

frustrating.

I agree with others... try to find another therapist and maybe look for some

support groups locally. We have been through 3 pediatricians. The ped. we have

now is so great. I hug him after most appts. He gets it & is supportive. We

were also lucky to find a great OT and Behavior Therapist early on. My son was

just dx this past year (June of 2010) and before that we thought it was just

SPD.

Our previous ped. would not listen to me. I tried to show her journals I kept

and videos I took of him. She just kept saying it was me and my subpar

parenting! And that my husbnad was too easy on him! ha! My son had a

traumatic birth (lost oxygen and was transported to the NICU 30 minutes away) so

I often think that our former ped. thought that I was just trying to get a dx so

that I could sue the OB/GYN. (the OB/GYN used the vacuum extractor 3 times to

get him out and I was pushing for 3 hours. He clearly lost oxygen. But suing

anyone is not my goal. Never crossed my mind. I just wanted him to get the help

he needed. And I still go to that OB/GYn because I do not blame her.)

I wish I had more advice. But please know that this group is a good resource of

support and info.

Please try to take care of yourself. I know how you are feeling. I too have

been blamed for my son. And I have also thought about getting in the car with a

suitcase & driving away and never returning. The only way I can get through

this is with support. Talk to your husband if you can. He may think what he is

doing is helping and not realize it is not. (BTW- my hubby does the same and I

have to talk to him to remind him and bring him back down here to reality!)

Also- someone on this site recommended the book " Quirky, Yes! Hopeless? No! "

and it is a great book! Has been quite helpful to us.

So- to answer your question- unfortunately... YES, it is " normal " !

Hang in there!

> >

> >

> > From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@>

> > Subject: ( ) Is all this " NORMAL " ?

> >

> > Date: Saturday, March 5, 2011, 11:34 PM

> >

> >

> >  

> >

> >

> >

> > My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety

and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and

attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP

evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with

him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is

tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to

make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me

a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I

showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He

refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just

stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one

child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will.

He tries to guide

> > to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I

digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed

mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking

floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this

behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip

toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts

that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing

school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it

is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should

change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is

the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is

giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves

being the hardass to me more and

> > more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as

they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her

own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all

I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict

enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent

enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't

believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just

that!!!!!

> >

> > I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified

someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if

you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue

to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your

hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his

fingernails because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby

brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him

with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to

go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room

he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know

what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting

worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just

pack my crap now and let

> > his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I couldn't agree more. When we first got the dx I read up how they first called this the "icebox Mother" syndrome, thinking the mothers were just cold to their kids. I can't tell you how many times I spoke to her ped about this and was told it's nothing..." My handwriting is messy..." @@ Even a psychologist told me she had autistic tendencies, but not full blown autism. I am hoping more docs are getting educated about the spectrum so more people can get help instead of pushed off because they are JUST the mother.

Mom to my 4 girls

Madeline, Cayla, Arabella, & Vincenza

"You are the TRIP I did not take

You are the PEARLS I cannot buy

You are the blue Italian LAKE

YOU are my piece of foreign SKY"

---Anne ----

( ) Is all this "NORMAL"?

Date: Saturday, March 5, 2011, 11:34 PM

My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide

to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me

more and more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!

I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails

because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

[Guest guest]

We experienced some of this too. When I told the pediatrician that my son was

lining things up all the time at his 18 month check up, the answer was he just

likes things to be orderly. At the 2 1/2 year check up when I said my son's

hearing seems to be exceptionally sensitive, the answer was that kids have

better hearing than adults because their hearing has not yet been damaged. After

the school district did an evaluation, the report was full of comments like

" according to the mother's report " - because clearly if the mother thinks it, it

can't be right! Our developmental therapist forwarded me an email conversation

she had with the school district psychologist, in which the psychologist

essentially asked her if she had ever seen any of my son's concerning behaviors

first hand or if it was " only " based on the mother's report. Luckily, the

developmental therapist was able to confirm that she had been out on play dates

with my son and seen his struggles with peers for herself, but still the

implication that the mom is making it all up is very frustrating! We were so

glad when we finally found a psychologist who took us seriously, and ultimately

made the AS dx.

Bridget

>

>

> From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...>

> Subject: ( ) Is all this " NORMAL " ?

>

> Date: Saturday, March 5, 2011, 11:34 PM

>

>

>

>

> My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and

ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and

attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP

evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with

him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is

tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to

make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me

a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I

showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He

refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just

stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one

child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will.

He tries to guide to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and

thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a

naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself

on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being

to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am

sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous

contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie

not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the

DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I

should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2

she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My

husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house

(which leaves being the hardass to me more and more) and we are so far from

family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of

help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to

help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever

heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and

always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him

enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things

she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!

>

> I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified

someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if

you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue

to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your

hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his

fingernails because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby

brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him

with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to

go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room

he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know

what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting

worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just

pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like

this

>

[Guest guest]

Bridget I am glad I am not the only one who gets that stuff from the school district.....CarolynSent from my iPadOn Mar 9, 2011, at 12:18 PM, "bridget" <beanniferj@...> wrote:

We experienced some of this too. When I told the pediatrician that my son was lining things up all the time at his 18 month check up, the answer was he just likes things to be orderly. At the 2 1/2 year check up when I said my son's hearing seems to be exceptionally sensitive, the answer was that kids have better hearing than adults because their hearing has not yet been damaged. After the school district did an evaluation, the report was full of comments like "according to the mother's report" - because clearly if the mother thinks it, it can't be right! Our developmental therapist forwarded me an email conversation she had with the school district psychologist, in which the psychologist essentially asked her if she had ever seen any of my son's concerning behaviors first hand or if it was "only" based on the mother's report. Luckily, the developmental therapist was able to confirm that she had been out on play dates with my son and seen his struggles with peers for herself, but still the implication that the mom is making it all up is very frustrating! We were so glad when we finally found a psychologist who took us seriously, and ultimately made the AS dx.

Bridget

>

>

> From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...>

> Subject: ( ) Is all this "NORMAL"?

>

> Date: Saturday, March 5, 2011, 11:34 PM

>

>

>

>

> My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me more and more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!

>

> I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

>

[Guest guest]

Amen Robin...it makes me soooo mad too! I could show them a thing or 2 about

stress. Just try sitting at an Upward gamw with my son. I sit stiff as a board

gritting my teeth worrying about what my son may say or do, while these other

parents sit oh so proud and happy. Don't get me wrong, I have been proud of his

ability to play.....such a huge growth for him, but by the time the game is

over, I am completely exhausted.

I also hear ya on not always seeing how wonderful our kids are because we are

always in fight mode. I totally feel that way...and again, it is totally

exhausting!!!

>

>

> From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...>

> Subject: ( ) Is all this " NORMAL " ?

>

> Date: Saturday, March 5, 2011, 11:34 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and

ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and

attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP

evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with

him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is

tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to

make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me

a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I

showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He

refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just

stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one

child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will.

He tries to guide

> to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I

digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed

mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking

floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this

behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip

toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts

that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing

school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it

is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should

change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is

the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is

giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves

being the hardass to me more and

> more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they

would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own

life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I

hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough

schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough,

that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe

she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!

>

> I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified

someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if

you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue

to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your

hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his

fingernails because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby

brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him

with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to

go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room

he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know

what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting

worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just

pack my crap now and let

> his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

>

[Guest guest]

In sixth grade my son's IEP actually said under medical condition: ADHD and Aspergers (per Mom).

They actually had "per Mom" on his IEP in parentathese. When I saw it on there I asked why it said that. I mean seriously! Like I just pulled it out of thin air or something! Sure, I'm just going to say my son has a disorder for the hell of it. Because the real reason my son has issues is because I suck at being a Mom, but I'm gonna blame it on some disorder.

They claimed they put it on there like that because they didn't have sufficient documentation. ??? So I provided it to them...again... this time via return receipt mail with a cover letter stating that it be placed in my son's permanent file. Then in 7th grade my son had his tri-annual and their own evaluation diagnosed Aspergers, so his category was changed from "other health impaired" to "autism". Go figure!

Sure we Moms are protective, sure we are emotional, sure we get depressed. I mean look at what we have to deal with! When your child, that you love so much it hurts, is having issues and you can't fix it, when you see your son or daughter paralyzed with anxiety, when you see them meltdown because their senses are overwhelmed, when you pass your child's room at night and hear them sobbing and you ask what is wrong and your six year old asks you "why am I bad?" and you say " no honey, you are NOT bad" and he says "then why do all the teachers say I'm bad?", when your child gets suspended for things like refusing to do work or being disruptive five times in four months...when you go through all this ...and this is not even the half of it....then OF COURSE you are going to be protective, emotional and depressed at the very least. By God, it's amazing sometimes we don't have nervous break downs!

I'm sorry I'm venting. I had an IEP meeting last week and when I brought up some things the school had done I was told "well that was in the past and we are working to fix things." So in other words, I'm suppose to just forget that they've had my 8th grade son on a 6th grade academic schedule, I'm suppose to forget that they suspended my son repeatedly and threatened us with juvenile authorities because he was refusing to do work, I'm suppose to forget that they pushed my son to be suicidal and we almost had to have him hospitalized. Oh, I'm sorry, but just because you are kissing my ass now because you know you screwed up, broke the law and were about to be sued, doesn't mean I'm going to forgive and forget. This is my SON we are talking about!

The school psychologist says "I understand we have had some trust issues" I wanted to reach across the table and choke her. What is this WE crap? What did I do for them to distrust me? Oh, I'm sorry, I expected them to do their freaking job. ...How awful of me! And you're darn right I have trust issues with the school. I TRUST that they will screw my son over, lie, try to cover up and then even try to act righteous about it.

Again, I apologize for venting.....it's just been one of those days.

ne

We experienced some of this too. When I told the pediatrician that my son was lining things up all the time at his 18 month check up, the answer was he just likes things to be orderly. At the 2 1/2 year check up when I said my son's hearing seems to be exceptionally sensitive, the answer was that kids have better hearing than adults because their hearing has not yet been damaged. After the school district did an evaluation, the report was full of comments like "according to the mother's report" - because clearly if the mother thinks it, it can't be right! Our developmental therapist forwarded me an email conversation she had with the school district psychologist, in which the psychologist essentially asked her if she had ever seen any of my son's concerning behaviors first hand or if it was "only" based on the mother's report. Luckily, the developmental therapist was able to confirm that she had been out on play dates with my son and seen his

struggles with peers for herself, but still the implication that the mom is making it all up is very frustrating! We were so glad when we finally found a psychologist who took us seriously, and ultimately made the AS dx.Bridget> > > From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...>> Subject: ( ) Is all this "NORMAL"?> > Date: Saturday, March 5, 2011, 11:34 PM> > > > > My son is almost 8 and was recently

diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide to appropriate behaviors and Will

resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me more and more) and we are so far from family

(though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!> > I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails because he refuses to let me cut them

and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this>

[Guest guest]



Thinking of you. This is so difficult. I know, we just went through similar issues. You're doing a good job - the best you can do. The difficult times will pass soon. Hugs to you and your son. : )

( ) Is all this "NORMAL"?> > Date: Saturday, March 5, 2011, 11:34 PM> > > > > My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me more and more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!> > I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this>

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.5.449 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3495 - Release Date: 03/09/11 17:53:00

[Guest guest]

That gets me so angry! And these guys are not cheap. I am so in debt and that is because I had to go from one doc to another to get some help, and I am still going too. Even after my daughter cut herself from her shoulders to her ankles, they still say it's anxiety and OCD.

From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...>Subject: ( ) Is all this "NORMAL"? Date: Saturday, March 5, 2011, 11:34 PM

My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide

to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me

more and more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!I yell because with all the noise he makes he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails

because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let his father finish raising him:( I hate feeling like this

[Guest guest]

You're right, it can be exhausting. At any type of public event, you are constantly on guard, monitoring them, making sure they are keeping under control. You feel like you have to be ready to jump in at any moment to get them out of the situation if it goes bad. But then, when they do well or you notice they are actually doing something that you have worked with them on, it's the best feeling of pride. I think way more pride than parents of a kid whose abilities come to them naturally. That's what I try to remember.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Is all this "NORMAL"? Date: Wednesday, March 9, 2011, 3:44 PM

Amen Robin...it makes me soooo mad too! I could show them a thing or 2 about stress. Just try sitting at an Upward gamw with my son. I sit stiff as a board gritting my teeth worrying about what my son may say or do, while these other parents sit oh so proud and happy. Don't get me wrong, I have been proud of his ability to play.....such a huge growth for him, but by the time the game is over, I am completely exhausted.I also hear ya on not always seeing how wonderful our kids are because we are always in fight mode. I totally feel that way...and again, it is totally exhausting!!!> > > From: Lawton <lawtonjennifer@...>> Subject: ( ) Is all this

"NORMAL"?> > Date: Saturday, March 5, 2011, 11:34 PM> > > Â > > > > My son is almost 8 and was recently diagnosed as having Aspergers, Anxiety and ADHD (that one came a year ago). He is on Vyvanse, Zyrexia and Clondine and attends Catholic school where he is failing, lying, and is in the process of IEP evals and so far will be receiving PT (only eval finished). My main problem with him is the tantrums. The full tilt meltdowns and this sound he makes that is tearing my nerves to shreds. His psychiatrist is willing to hospitalize him to make him realize this behavior is unacceptable but that scares me. She calls me a helicopter mother and I am, I have to be. He's got no clue on how

to act. I showed her an example of him at my daughter's Kindergarten open house. He refused to stay out of the activities for the smaller children but then he just stood there. He then conned her into he was afraid to participate because one child in his class laughs at him and bosses him. I've seen that kid with Will. He tries to guide > to appropriate behaviors and Will resents him and thinks he's bossy. I digress. Then the psych tells me to lighten up, that I'm a naggy depressed mother. Well DUH I am. My child screams, cries, throws himself on the freaking floor and carries on over NOTHING.My younger children are being to emulate this behavior and I am losing control of my home because of it. I am sick of tip toeing around my own children.I'm tired of her and this ridiculous contracts that she draws up with him when I've punished him for a behavior (ie not doing school work and took away the DS, he refused to stop talking about the DS

so it is going back to land when my mother comes to visit). I think I should change doctors but I'm afraid. In all the years since he's turned 2 1/2 she is the only one I've found that listened that something wasn't right. My husband is giving in to the behaviors to try and get some peace in the house (which leaves being the hardass to me more and> more) and we are so far from family (though I doubt good intentioned as they would be they'd be a lot of help) and the only friend I have here has her own life going on and no time to help here. My mother is coming to visit and all I hear from her, all I've ever heard from her is that he isn't on a strict enough schedule (umm yeah he is and always has been), that I'm not consistent enough, that I don't punish him enough. Even though she insists she doesn't believe she's ever said those things she will after a few minutes say just that!!!!!> > I yell because with all the noise he makes

he can't hear me, I'm terrified someone is going to call social services because all he does is scream and if you move him or stop him from doing something (like trying to leave or continue to do something you've told him to stop) he screams and shrieks and yells your hurting him or he can't breathe. The other day he scratched himself with his fingernails because he refuses to let me cut them and because later his baby brother picked up a butter knife Will started saying that the baby attacked him with the knife.I've told him that if he needs to make all that noise he needs to go into a back bedroom away from the baby until he calms down. That in that room he can scream, cry, shriek and do all those things all he wants. I don't know what to do. Someone got an idea? Am I just a horrible mother and he's getting worse because I'm not fit to be around him? Sometimes I feel like I should just pack my crap now and let> his father finish raising him:( I

hate feeling like this>