EEK! Advice about Tweens and Masturbating

[Guest guest]

Im so unconfortable about asking anyone about his so here I am hoping you moms

can understand and not be offended. I need your advice.

OK, I have an aspie teen, is it harder for him to figure out these feelings? Im

also so freaked out when he is doing this ( i can hear his breathing etc ) I

homeschool him so he has more opportunity. Hour long showers etc. Ok, how do I

deal with my son who may be too interested in masterbating? What is normal? I

am a christian and dont know what to say as a single mom. Is it right or wrong?

Come on Moms - I really need your help on this one!

[Guest guest]

Do you have a male relative you can have talk with your son? I think your son needs an ongoing relationship with a male in his life. Yes, you're really not the one best suited for this topic with him. On the level of being his mother you can have talks about anatomy, sexuality as it relates to your family's belief system. BUT, when it comes to learning about this kinda thing, I whole heartedly believe your son needs to hear this talk from a man!! You might want to see how some books deal with this topic--for your son AND you! Good luck!!

On Wed, Mar 23, 2011 at 11:58 PM, UMgirl <chevinsea@...> wrote:

 

Im so unconfortable about asking anyone about his so here I am hoping you moms can understand and not be offended. I need your advice.

OK, I have an aspie teen, is it harder for him to figure out these feelings? Im also so freaked out when he is doing this ( i can hear his breathing etc ) I homeschool him so he has more opportunity. Hour long showers etc. Ok, how do I deal with my son who may be too interested in masterbating? What is normal? I am a christian and dont know what to say as a single mom. Is it right or wrong? Come on Moms - I really need your help on this one!

[Guest guest]

When I noticed my 12.5 year old starting to play around with his in the tub, i got him some books about his body and the changes he is going through. they really helped explain and gave good advice. what he is doing is normal for a boy or girl, it is just that aspie kids dont think their behavior is abnormal, so we have to teach them when it is okay and when it is not. the books really help. Sycamore Art StudiosSycamore Art SchoolDeborah GustlinGraphic & Web DesignArt classes for K-12www.sycamoreartstudios.comwww.sycamoreartschool.comHome: 408-710-0892 Business: 408-710-6070From: UMgirl

<chevinsea@...> Sent: Wed, March 23, 2011 8:58:11 PMSubject: ( ) EEK! Advice about Tweens and Masturbating

Im so unconfortable about asking anyone about his so here I am hoping you moms can understand and not be offended. I need your advice.

OK, I have an aspie teen, is it harder for him to figure out these feelings? Im also so freaked out when he is doing this ( i can hear his breathing etc ) I homeschool him so he has more opportunity. Hour long showers etc. Ok, how do I deal with my son who may be too interested in masterbating? What is normal? I am a christian and dont know what to say as a single mom. Is it right or wrong? Come on Moms - I really need your help on this one!

[Guest guest]

That is good advice. A distant friend of mine, also single mother of a teenager boy, took her son to their family physician and had the guy give the talk to the boy.

 

HTH,

Eddie

On Thu, Mar 24, 2011 at 9:55 AM, <doyourecycle@...> wrote:

 

Do you have a male relative you can have talk with your son? I think your son needs an ongoing relationship with a male in his life. Yes, you're really not the one best suited for this topic with him. On the level of being his mother you can have talks about anatomy, sexuality as it relates to your family's belief system. BUT, when it comes to learning about this kinda thing, I whole heartedly believe your son needs to hear this talk from a man!! You might want to see how some books deal with this topic--for your son AND you! Good luck!!

On Wed, Mar 23, 2011 at 11:58 PM, UMgirl <chevinsea@...> wrote:

 

Im so unconfortable about asking anyone about his so here I am hoping you moms can understand and not be offended. I need your advice.OK, I have an aspie teen, is it harder for him to figure out these feelings? Im also so freaked out when he is doing this ( i can hear his breathing etc ) I homeschool him so he has more opportunity. Hour long showers etc. Ok, how do I deal with my son who may be too interested in masterbating? What is normal? I am a christian and dont know what to say as a single mom. Is it right or wrong? Come on Moms - I really need your help on this one!

[Guest guest]

My son just turned 14 and as far as I know and I'm pretty sure he is not doing this...yet. He does know what it is because he has told me that he knows and heard about it at school. So can't really give you any advice. Sorry.

My older son however, who is not AS and is now 23, did this when he was younger. I never heard him but he always had towels in his room. I just ignored it and tried not to think about it.

I remember when my AS son was about 6 or 7, he was in the tub taking a bath and I went in to check on him. He was standing up holding himself under the water. I asked "what are you doing". He asked "Mom, when I do this why does it tickle?" Oh my, didn't see that coming. Didn't know how to answer it at the time either to a 7 year old.

Now when I think back it makes me chuckle.

ne

From: Deborah Gustlin <sycamorestudios@...>Subject: Re: ( ) EEK! Advice about Tweens and Masturbating Date: Thursday, March 24, 2011, 10:42 AM

When I noticed my 12.5 year old starting to play around with his in the tub, i got him some books about his body and the changes he is going through. they really helped explain and gave good advice. what he is doing is normal for a boy or girl, it is just that aspie kids dont think their behavior is abnormal, so we have to teach them when it is okay and when it is not. the books really help.

Sycamore Art StudiosSycamore Art SchoolDeborah GustlinGraphic & Web DesignArt classes for K-12www.sycamoreartstudios.comwww.sycamoreartschool.comHome: 408-710-0892 Business:

408-710-6070

From: UMgirl <chevinsea@...> Sent: Wed, March 23, 2011 8:58:11 PMSubject: ( ) EEK! Advice about Tweens and Masturbating

Im so unconfortable about asking anyone about his so here I am hoping you moms can understand and not be offended. I need your advice.OK, I have an aspie teen, is it harder for him to figure out these feelings? Im also so freaked out when he is doing this ( i can hear his breathing etc ) I homeschool him so he has more opportunity. Hour long showers etc. Ok, how do I deal with my son who may be too interested in masterbating? What is normal? I am a christian and dont know what to say as a single mom. Is it right or wrong? Come on Moms - I really need your help on this one!

[Guest guest]

I am going to post my husband reply, as he is a man but also a very wise man. We handled my 16 (autistic) and my 15(pdd-aspie) year old as if its normal and okay if you do it in your own private space- the shower or bathroom or alone. Sometimes people use soap, water, lotions or lubes. Everyone does it, some more than others. What ever you do, please be quite, no one wants to hear that happening. Would you like to hear me doing something like that?

We also have told them this-

Its better to masturbate than to have sex and get a girl pregnant.

We explained the same thing I have to my step daughter, you're body is a temple, it should be worshiped, it should be adorned, it should not be put in a fowl way that disgraces it. To be good to themselves and to wait, wait until you fall in love, wait until your body has stopped growing at 18. Respect your self so you can respect your first love by not exposing them to other people that did not love you back.

We repeat and repeat this, use movies as opportunity to discuss all this.

If you think your son is not doing it, that's fine but he is and he is just better at hiding it. One of the "regular" kids I car pool with at the beginning of the year, shared he doesn't do it because its not right. I explained that it is normal, it can teach a young man control, keeps you from having as many sexual issues because you will not be embarrassed about your body. Now he is more aware, not because of me but his friends teach him so much. I wish they would teach real sex ed in school. Parents want to sugar coat our kids or explain too much like my sister and talk about their sex life. I try to be the one they ask things and NOT criticize. I explain on a medical and psychological basis.

I wish I never had to talk or hear about it, still makes me want to throw up.

From: susanne hansen <s_hansen34@...> Sent: Thu, March 24, 2011 7:55:57 PMSubject: Re: ( ) EEK! Advice about Tweens and Masturbating

My son just turned 14 and as far as I know and I'm pretty sure he is not doing this...yet. He does know what it is because he has told me that he knows and heard about it at school. So can't really give you any advice. Sorry.

My older son however, who is not AS and is now 23, did this when he was younger. I never heard him but he always had towels in his room. I just ignored it and tried not to think about it.

I remember when my AS son was about 6 or 7, he was in the tub taking a bath and I went in to check on him. He was standing up holding himself under the water. I asked "what are you doing". He asked "Mom, when I do this why does it tickle?" Oh my, didn't see that coming. Didn't know how to answer it at the time either to a 7 year old.

Now when I think back it makes me chuckle.

ne

From: Deborah Gustlin <sycamorestudios@...>Subject: Re: ( ) EEK! Advice about Tweens and Masturbating Date: Thursday, March 24, 2011, 10:42 AM

When I noticed my 12.5 year old starting to play around with his in the tub, i got him some books about his body and the changes he is going through. they really helped explain and gave good advice. what he is doing is normal for a boy or girl, it is just that aspie kids dont think their behavior is abnormal, so we have to teach them when it is okay and when it is not. the books really help.

Sycamore Art StudiosSycamore Art SchoolDeborah GustlinGraphic & Web DesignArt classes for K-12www.sycamoreartstudios.comwww.sycamoreartschool.comHome: 408-710-0892 Business:

408-710-6070

From: UMgirl <chevinsea@...> Sent: Wed, March 23, 2011 8:58:11 PMSubject: ( ) EEK! Advice about Tweens and Masturbating

Im so unconfortable about asking anyone about his so here I am hoping you moms can understand and not be offended. I need your advice.OK, I have an aspie teen, is it harder for him to figure out these feelings? Im also so freaked out when he is doing this ( i can hear his breathing etc ) I homeschool him so he has more opportunity. Hour long showers etc. Ok, how do I deal with my son who may be too interested in masterbating? What is normal? I am a christian and dont know what to say as a single mom. Is it right or wrong? Come on Moms - I really need your help on this one!

[Guest guest]

I think the mom who originally asked this question has gotten very good advice.  I especially liked the post below that is attached to this one.  It is important to remember that different religions treat this issue differently as do different sects or movements within religions.  The more conservative or orthodox tend to treat masturbation as a sin that wastes the potential of life or gives into the lustful nature of humanity.  Irrespective of those views, he ought to know that sexual desire is normal as is the desire to self pleasure. All in all this reminds me of the old adage that 90% of men masturbate in the shower; the other 10% are liars. Very truly yours; Todd B. KotlerAttorney and Counselor at LawPO Box 2041Massillon, Ohio 44646-2041 330-777-0065 Phone / Fax / VoicemailDISCLAIMERThis e-mail contains information intended only for the use of the individual or entity named above and may be protected by attorney-client privilege. However, the mere receipt of this e-mail, alone, is not sufficient to create an attorney-client relationship. If the reader of this e-mail is not the intended recipient or the employee or agent responsible for delivering it to the intended recipient, any dissemination, publication or copying of this e-mail is strictly prohibited. The sender does not accept any responsibility for any loss, disruption or damage to your data or computer system that may occur while using data contained in, or transmitted with, this e-mail. If you have received this e-mail in error, please immediately notify us by return e-mail. Thank you Partners With Youth helps less fortunate children come to camp! Give today by clicking the donation button. From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of heATHER tEDRICKSent: Thursday, March 24, 2011 10:19 PM Subject: ( ) Re: EEK! Advice about Tweens and Masturbating I am going to post my husband reply, as he is a man but also a very wise man. We handled my 16 (autistic) and my 15(pdd-aspie) year old as if its normal and okay if you do it in your own private space- the shower or bathroom or alone. Sometimes people use soap, water, lotions or lubes. Everyone does it, some more than others. What ever you do, please be quite, no one wants to hear that happening. Would you like to hear me doing something like that? We also have told them this- Its better to masturbate than to have sex and get a girl pregnant.We explained the same thing I have to my step daughter, you're body is a temple, it should be worshiped, it should be adorned, it should not be put in a fowl way that disgraces it. To be good to themselves and to wait, wait until you fall in love, wait until your body has stopped growing at 18. Respect your self so you can respect your first love by not exposing them to other people that did not love you back. We repeat and repeat this, use movies as opportunity to discuss all this. If you think your son is not doing it, that's fine but he is and he is just better at hiding it. One of the " regular " kids I car pool with at the beginning of the year, shared he doesn't do it because its not right. I explained that it is normal, it can teach a young man control, keeps you from having as many sexual issues because you will not be embarrassed about your body. Now he is more aware, not because of me but his friends teach him so much. I wish they would teach real sex ed in school. Parents want to sugar coat our kids or explain too much like my sister and talk about their sex life. I try to be the one they ask things and NOT criticize. I explain on a medical and psychological basis. I wish I never had to talk or hear about it, still makes me want to throw up. From: susanne hansen <s_hansen34@...> Sent: Thu, March 24, 2011 7:55:57 PMSubject: Re: ( ) EEK! Advice about Tweens and Masturbating My son just turned 14 and as far as I know and I'm pretty sure he is not doing this...yet. He does know what it is because he has told me that he knows and heard about it at school. So can't really give you any advice. Sorry. My older son however, who is not AS and is now 23, did this when he was younger. I never heard him but he always had towels in his room. I just ignored it and tried not to think about it. I remember when my AS son was about 6 or 7, he was in the tub taking a bath and I went in to check on him. He was standing up holding himself under the water. I asked " what are you doing " . He asked " Mom, when I do this why does it tickle? " Oh my, didn't see that coming. Didn't know how to answer it at the time either to a 7 year old. Now when I think back it makes me chuckle. neFrom: Deborah Gustlin <sycamorestudios@...>Subject: Re: ( ) EEK! Advice about Tweens and Masturbating Date: Thursday, March 24, 2011, 10:42 AM When I noticed my 12.5 year old starting to play around with his in the tub, i got him some books about his body and the changes he is going through. they really helped explain and gave good advice. what he is doing is normal for a boy or girl, it is just that aspie kids dont think their behavior is abnormal, so we have to teach them when it is okay and when it is not. the books really help. Sycamore Art StudiosSycamore Art SchoolDeborah GustlinGraphic & Web DesignArt classes for K-12www.sycamoreartstudios.comwww.sycamoreartschool.comHome: 408-710-0892 Business: ; 408-710-6070 From: UMgirl <chevinsea@...> Sent: Wed, March 23, 2011 8:58:11 PMSubject: ( ) EEK! Advice about Tweens and Masturbating Im so unconfortable about asking anyone about his so here I am hoping you moms can understand and not be offended. I need your advice.OK, I have an aspie teen, is it harder for him to figure out these feelings? Im also so freaked out when he is doing this ( i can hear his breathing etc ) I homeschool him so he has more opportunity. Hour long showers etc. Ok, how do I deal with my son who may be too interested in masterbating? What is normal? I am a christian and dont know what to say as a single mom. Is it right or wrong? Come on Moms - I really need your help on this one!

[Guest guest]

I totally agree with letting your teenager know that this is normal and that there is nothing "wrong" with them doing this as long as it is in private. But I respect my sons privacy and if he didn't feel comfortable about talking to me about it then I wasn't going to force the issue. The talk I DID make sure I had with him was about safe sex and that if he got a girl pregnant that I would make sure he would be responsible. Now he is 23 and a great Dad!

Now my 14 year old AS son, I know is not yet doing this and yes I do know this for a fact because he would tell me. That's how open he is with me. Heck, the other day he called me at work becauswe he thought he had herpes because he had a heat rash. He asked me if I could LOOK at his penis when I got home to make sure. Of course when I explained that you got herpes from sex he was relieved that that's not what he had. He just hears this stuff at school and since he has always had this unrealistic fear with deseases he got panicy about it. Either way, if and when he chooses to masturbate, I will discuss it with him, If he ends up not wanting to discuss it, then I will respect that as well unless at situation occurs that forces us to.

ne

From: Deborah Gustlin <sycamorestudios@...>Subject: Re: ( ) EEK! Advice about Tweens and Masturbating Date: Thursday, March 24, 2011, 10:42 AM

When I noticed my 12.5 year old starting to play around with his in the tub, i got him some books about his body and the changes he is going through. they really helped explain and gave good advice. what he is doing is normal for a boy or girl, it is just that aspie kids dont think their behavior is abnormal, so we have to teach them when it is okay and when it is not. the books really help.

Sycamore Art StudiosSycamore Art SchoolDeborah GustlinGraphic & Web DesignArt classes for K-12www.sycamoreartstudios.comwww.sycamoreartschool.comHome: 408-710-0892 Business: ; 408-710-6070

From: UMgirl <chevinsea@...> Sent: Wed, March 23, 2011 8:58:11 PMSubject: ( ) EEK! Advice about Tweens and Masturbating

Im so unconfortable about asking anyone about his so here I am hoping you moms can understand and not be offended. I need your advice.OK, I have an aspie teen, is it harder for him to figure out these feelings? Im also so freaked out when he is doing this ( i can hear his breathing etc ) I homeschool him so he has more opportunity. Hour long showers etc. Ok, how do I deal with my son who may be too interested in masterbating? What is normal? I am a christian and dont know what to say as a single mom. Is it right or wrong? Come on Moms - I really need your help on this one!

[Guest guest]

A friend of mine introduced me to a wonderful phrase, which I have

shared with Isaac, although he is definitely not at the point where this

is an issue.

Don't be silly, wrap your willy!

Eleanor, San , CA

Aspie son Isaac, 10.5 years old

On 03/31/2011 20:15 , susanne hansen wrote:

> I totally agree with letting your teenager know that this is normal and

> that there is nothing " wrong " with them doing this as long as it is in

> private. But I respect my sons privacy and if he didn't feel comfortable

> about talking to me about it then I wasn't going to force the issue. The

> talk I DID make sure I had with him was about safe sex and that if he

> got a girl pregnant that I would make sure he would be responsible. Now

> he is 23 and a great Dad!

> Now my 14 year old AS son, I know is not yet doing this and yes I do

> know this for a fact because he would tell me. That's how open he is

> with me. Heck, the other day he called me at work becauswe he thought he

> had herpes because he had a heat rash. He asked me if I could LOOK at

> his penis when I got home to make sure. Of course when I explained that

> you got herpes from sex he was relieved that that's not what he had. He

> just hears this stuff at school and since he has always had this

> unrealistic fear with deseases he got panicy about it.

> Either way, if and when he chooses to masturbate, I will discuss it with

> him, If he ends up not wanting to discuss it, then I will respect that

> as well unless at situation occurs that forces us to.

> ne