Re: Re: We were doing well...

[Guest guest]

Yes, if n is invited, I would definitely offer to stay at the party and monitor. But if he isn't invited, we can try to plan something else special for them to do. I'm sure Jake would accept, he and his family seem nice. But I'm sure n would still be sad about missing the party if he finds out about it. And I feel sad for him too, that's the hardest part for me.

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Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: <@...>Subject: ( ) Re: We were doing well... Date: Monday, November 23, 2009, 3:48 PM

Oh gosh, just tugs at the heart! Do you think you could pick a day for n and the boy to do something together? Perhaps some special for his birthday (that you wouldn't just generally do) or a regular outing but have a present to give him...? I would worry too that even if you know n will be good that "something" could happen -- other kids could say something he overhears or meanly to him, other kids are occupying birthday boy's time so n is feeling left out/bored (which doesn't mean he'd misbehave). Would n understand if you talk to him about the party and not going, or would he beg to go? I think maybe my son (now 20) would have understood and been fine, overall, if we were planning something for a day for the two of them (and you feel the boy would accept to go!).Quick thoughts. My son went to parties and a few I'd hang around a bit or arrive to pick up early and observe. He was left out, TRYING to join in/ignored,

but no one was ever mean to him; it was more like if he spoke, tried to join conversation, others just kept talking on...if you know what I mean. Another thought -- think you could offer to go to boy's party and stay to help out mom? Be there for n? Then you two could leave at any time.>> n (9) doesn't have friends in his class, I kind of resigned myself to that. He doesn't do well in a group, he misinterprets things and gets upset easiliy, most of the kids have seen him have meltdowns, etc. So no one wants to be friends.> But this year, there was a new boy to the school, not in his class, but in his catechism class. And my husband

knew the boy's mom from high school. So we have invited the family over, tried to encourage a friendship there. Both boys like wrestling (WWE) so they talked about

[Guest guest]

Thats such a shame, its really hard when its the start of a friendship, does the other Mum know about n? This might make it easier, you could offer to help organise the party, then it would give you and n a different reason for being there.

Gregor has been to several parties, he is happy enough when its just "free play" but really doesn't want to participate when it comes to games, so I always stay and we just do something else til its time to sing happy birthday and get some cake, he is happy to join in again when it is time for the cake and sweets.

If you are unsure how to cope with n if things do take a turn for the worse perhaps it would be better to organise a day for the boys alone. Good luck what ever you decide, let us know how it goes.

Lor B

From: <@...>Subject: ( ) Re: We were doing well... Date: Monday, 23 November, 2009, 23:48

Oh gosh, just tugs at the heart! Do you think you could pick a day for n and the boy to do something together? Perhaps some special for his birthday (that you wouldn't just generally do) or a regular outing but have a present to give him...? I would worry too that even if you know n will be good that "something" could happen -- other kids could say something he overhears or meanly to him, other kids are occupying birthday boy's time so n is feeling left out/bored (which doesn't mean he'd misbehave). Would n understand if you talk to him about the party and not going, or would he beg to go? I think maybe my son (now 20) would have understood and been fine, overall, if we were planning something for a day for the two of them (and you feel the boy would accept to go!).Quick thoughts. My son went to parties and a few I'd hang around a bit or arrive to pick up early and observe. He was left out, TRYING to join in/ignored,

but no one was ever mean to him; it was more like if he spoke, tried to join conversation, others just kept talking on...if you know what I mean. Another thought -- think you could offer to go to boy's party and stay to help out mom? Be there for n? Then you two could leave at any time.>> n (9) doesn't have friends in his class, I kind of resigned myself to that. He doesn't do well in a group, he misinterprets things and gets upset easiliy, most of the kids have seen him have meltdowns, etc. So no one wants to be friends.> But this year, there was a new boy to the school, not in his class, but in his catechism class. And my husband

knew the boy's mom from high school. So we have invited the family over, tried to encourage a friendship there. Both boys like wrestling (WWE) so they talked about

[Guest guest]

I think I will talk to the other mom just in general about n and not specifically about the birthday party. When I see her at catechism next week, I can explain about the AS diagnosis and how we've been working with him on his social skills. And I can compliment her son and say "Jake has been really great with n and we appreciate it. We'll have to get them together again sometime." And then I'll just see how it goes from there.

This is one thing our therapist keeps telling us to do - to encourage friendships for n, set "playdates" up, but it's just not that easy. It takes a special kind of kid that's willing to do it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: <@ hotmail.com>Subject: ( ) Re: We were doing well... Date: Monday, 23 November, 2009, 23:48

Oh gosh, just tugs at the heart! Do you think you could pick a day for n and the boy to do something together? Perhaps some special for his birthday (that you wouldn't just generally do) or a regular outing but have a present to give him...? I would worry too that even if you know n will be good that "something" could happen -- other kids could say something he overhears or meanly to him, other kids are occupying birthday boy's time so n is feeling left out/bored (which doesn't mean he'd misbehave). Would n understand if you talk to him about the party and not going, or would he beg to go? I think maybe my son (now 20) would have understood and been fine, overall, if we were planning something for a day for the two of them (and you feel the boy would accept to go!).Quick thoughts. My son went to parties and a few I'd hang around a bit or arrive to pick up early and observe. He was left out, TRYING to join in/ignored,

but no one was ever mean to him; it was more like if he spoke, tried to join conversation, others just kept talking on...if you know what I mean. Another thought -- think you could offer to go to boy's party and stay to help out mom? Be there for n? Then you two could leave at any time.>> n (9) doesn't have friends in his class, I kind of resigned myself to that. He doesn't do well in a group, he misinterprets things and gets upset easiliy, most of the kids have seen him have meltdowns, etc. So no one wants to be friends.> But this year, there was a new boy to the school, not in his class, but in his catechism class. And my husband knew the boy's mom from high school. So we have invited

the family over, tried to encourage a friendship there. Both boys like wrestling (WWE) so they talked about