Re: Re: Rage issues - need help fast

[Guest guest]

My daughter (10) is always aggressive (scratching and hitting) and arguementative with my other kids when we are in the car. I bought her an MP3 player to listen to and noise reduction head phones for when she gets irritated from the noise in the car from the other kids or the radio. So far this has reduced to conflict greatly. Wish I would have though of it sooner!

From: keith.stacyhammond@...Date: Wed, 23 Mar 2011 02:57:04 +0000Subject: ( ) Re: Rage issues - need help fast

But some of his worst moments are in the car on the way to school where I can't give him a break. Any suggestions?

[Guest guest]

My son, 15, doesn't remember things when he is in a rage. He was so angry at me during therapy he said in front of the therapist that he "despised me". Later at home a few days later he denied it. He said he never uses that word. Then another morning getting ready for school which is a big task..he called me Psycho. Of course he later denied it.

His therpist told me from now on to write down our agreements...because later when I go to enforce them...he says...you never said that. We discussed his using the computer in therapy and he completely denied what the therapist said. So, rules and such from now on will be written down.

j

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: workin_mom123 <keith.stacyhammond@...> Sent: Tue, March 22, 2011 11:10:28 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Rage issues - need help fast

Thank you for your story. I feel better now. :)You are right. He seems to have no idea what he said or did later so we never talk about it again. If I try he just shuts down. I'm not sure if it is because he doesn't remember anything or if he just doesn't want to talk.We don't have the rules written down. But the Ipod is always the first to go. Always. So he wasn't surprised. I'm now thinking the trigger is when he gets in trouble for things he does to his sister. In fact as I'm writing this I'm thinking that is true. His worst moments are when I punish him for something he does to her. I'm very careful and choose my battles about this even to the point where I have to do damage control with her later. Poor little thing, she is six has to take it all and does like a trooper. But I can't let him treat her like that and get away with it. What do you think? We are using visual schedules and such and social stories books. However

he gets mad when I bring them out. I also use a time timer which he gets mad about but will hold us to it.When he was cussing at me today I kept saying. "We don't use words like that in our house." "I don't use words like that...Dad doesn't use words like that...You don't use words like that." But that didn't work. He was out of it. I should of just let him go.Thanks for your help. Please keep it coming. >> My son, who is 11, 5'2 and 170 pounds, also has rage issues (altho the Intuniv is a godsend! really making a difference). Usually we have rules about language but when he is "in the moment" I don't enforce them. I refuse to engage him while he is angry and act like I expect

him to do what I need him to do, regardless of his language.> > For example, the second week of school this year, when he realized, Oh crud, i have to get on the bus EVERY day from now on!, he refused to get on the bus. I started ticking off things he would lose if the bus left without him --they wait 5 mins, it's a SPED bus-- and finally after 4.5 mins I started walking to the bus to tell her to go since he was not complying. Believe me, if we let him stay home even once, the pattern is broken and the new expectation is to stay home every day (we learned that the hard way in 3rd grade). So come hell or high water, he HAS to get on that bus. > > He was screaming in tears for me not to go (because he doesn't want to be sitting alone in a room with no computer or book which is the consequence), but i am walking slowly to the bus down our driveway when he comes storming out of the house, with his shoes on, with his backpack,

screaming "I HATE YOU, YOU F'ING B*CH!". I just looked calmly at the busdriver and said," WOW! what language he is learning from his older brother!" I calmly turned and said, "OK, I'll see you when you get home! XOXO!" He got on the bus, still using foul language, ignoring the bus driver who had eyes like saucers. He turned to me as they drove off, and with his back shielding him from her view, gave me the evil eyes and flipped me the bird. I just smiled gaily and waved like a 50's mom. Bye! Bye! > > Of course by the time he got to school in 5 mins he was fine. I didn't bring it up later as in the midst of the fugue "in the moment", he really doesn't know half the time what he said when i ask him later. It's not really him and he's not in control. > > What I would like to be able to do is have consequences that are relateable to the crime, like if he was mean to his sibling like your son, is to have him apologize or write a

letter apologizing. Unfortunately the only leverage we have is computers and books. Nothing else matters to him -- i suppose we could take away the iPod UNTIL he apologized. > > Also i have a question: was this consequence discussed with him before this event happened? Was it in the rules posted somewhere, that if you do A you will lose B? Or did you just pull this consequence out of the air, in the moment? If you are pulling consequences out of the air without discussing them first with your son (and of course I do not know you at all so I have no idea), his rage will only increase. You have to show that you are in charge by setting rules and consequences up ahead of time and then enforcing them as they happen. You CANNOT act on the fly and just make it up as you go along. He will accept the rules, especially written down and posted on the frig, because most Asperger's kids like rules. Arbitrary stuff won't work. > > Good

Luck > Geneva>

[Guest guest]

yes, we have as happy an aspie as they can be...ask your doctor about risperidone instead of prozac. i have heard it can cause aggressive behavior. Sycamore Art StudiosSycamore Art SchoolDeborah GustlinGraphic & Web DesignArt classes for K-12www.sycamoreartstudios.comwww.sycamoreartschool.comHome: 408-710-0892 Business: 408-710-6070From: UMgirl <chevinsea@...> Sent: Wed, March 23, 2011 8:23:03 PMSubject:

( ) Re: Rage issues - need help fast

My 14 yr old Aspie recently has been yelling at me and insults me about my age and saying im unattractive etc. He has had it made the past couple years homeschooling but now that he knows im looking into putting him back in school- he is manipulating big time. He told the counselor he will make my life very difficult if I decide to do this. REALLY? Arent things difficult enough? I dont know how to handle his aggresiveness. I used to be in an abusive relationship and this behaviour just leaves me with my mouth open. Im afraid of things getting worse, life is not enjoyable. I get in the car drive and cry. Is there a med that helps with this? My son started Prozac a month ago, would this cause aggressiveness, anger etc? Does anyone have a happy Aspie out there? I dont remember a time my son was happy. This is all sucking the life out of me.

> >

> > Reminds me of the tantrum mine had when we took away my then 14 yr old son's

> > computer. I think this adds to their frustration and their emotions go

> > berserk. All I can think to do is sit down with him, explain you

> > understand his frustration, tell him it is still unexceptable to hurt his

> > sister and try to come up with a reward for the " wanted" behavior.

> >

> > Sent via DROID on Verizon Wireless

> >

> > ( ) Rage issues - need help fast

> >

> > For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just

> > plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes

> > expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that

> > don't normally upset him.

> >

> > I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be

> > acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he

> > compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** &

> > B** & . He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away

> > from him because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on

> > purpose. But the point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped

> > him off and made him walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the

> > school parking lot to make sure he made it there and he did.) I called the

> > school an hour later and they said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that

> > he had issues an hour before. (Which is normal.)

> >

> > I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling

> > me to "go to hell" and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Although the "pleasant" conversations that my 14 yr old Aspie and I have are few and often far between. But he does seem happy for the most part. At least as long as he gets to do what he wants and is left alone. He is on Zoloft and Resperidon and that is helping I do believe. Before that he was much more angry, arguementative and had more meltdowns. Now his meltdowns are MUCH milder and less frequent. ne

From: Deborah Gustlin <sycamorestudios@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: Rage issues - need help fast Date: Thursday, March 24, 2011, 10:39 AM

yes, we have as happy an aspie as they can be...ask your doctor about risperidone instead of prozac. i have heard it can cause aggressive behavior.

Sycamore Art StudiosSycamore Art SchoolDeborah GustlinGraphic & Web DesignArt classes for K-12www.sycamoreartstudios.comwww.sycamoreartschool.comHome: 408-710-0892 Business:

408-710-6070

From: UMgirl <chevinsea@...> Sent: Wed, March 23, 2011 8:23:03 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Rage issues - need help fast

My 14 yr old Aspie recently has been yelling at me and insults me about my age and saying im unattractive etc. He has had it made the past couple years homeschooling but now that he knows im looking into putting him back in school- he is manipulating big time. He told the counselor he will make my life very difficult if I decide to do this. REALLY? Arent things difficult enough? I dont know how to handle his aggresiveness. I used to be in an abusive relationship and this behaviour just leaves me with my mouth open. Im afraid of things getting worse, life is not enjoyable. I get in the car drive and cry. Is there a med that helps with this? My son started Prozac a month ago, would this cause aggressiveness, anger etc? Does anyone have a happy Aspie out there? I dont remember a time my son was happy. This is all sucking the life out of me. > >> > Reminds me of the tantrum mine had when we took away my then 14 yr old son's > >

computer. I think this adds to their frustration and their emotions go > > berserk. All I can think to do is sit down with him, explain you > > understand his frustration, tell him it is still unexceptable to hurt his > > sister and try to come up with a reward for the " wanted" behavior. > > > > Sent via DROID on Verizon Wireless> > > > ( ) Rage issues - need help fast> > > > For the last few days my 15 year old DS with AS has been super grumpy. Just > >

plain mean and grumpy. He is yelling at everyone for no reason and sometimes > > expected reasons but mostly for no reason. He is upset about things that > > don't normally upset him. > > > > I've been trying to figure out what his problem is and why he seems to be > > acting up more than usual and can't figure it out. But this morning he > > compeltely loses it and starts yelling curse words and calling me an F** & > > B** & . He has never done that before. He was mad because I took his Ipod away > > from him because he was being mean (not AS symptoms) to his sister on > > purpose. But the point is he was much, much worse than normal. So I dropped > > him off and made him walk the rest of the way to school. (I waited in the > > school parking lot to make sure he made it there and he did.) I called the > > school an hour later and

they said he was fine. They couldn't even tell that > > he had issues an hour before. (Which is normal.)> > > > I tried to keep him calm but there was just no stopping him. He was telling > > me to "go to hell" and just seemed unstoppable. Can someone please help me?> >>