Re: Just help or any advice for morning transition~

November 4, 2010

Raina,

OMG! I can't even imagine your situation. My now 13 yr old Aspie used to be very

similar in the morning and most mornings now aren't the smoothest but at least

he is older and I don't have to physically do things for him. But I still have

to tell him the same things EVERY single day. Anyway....how well does he get to

sleep at night? My son used to take hours and that caused him to drag a$$ in the

morning. Since he gets medication now to help him sleep mornings are better. You

might want to check into that. Just a thought.

Also, my son can't stand to be rushed or hurried. The more I try to hurry him,

the more aggitated he gets and ruder, then the more stressed I get and so on. So

now I make sure he gets up REAL early so he has that extra time, which therefor

makes him have to go to bed earlier. He doesn't like it, but we negotiate...you

get your butt in gear in the morning and then you can stay up later. It will

work for a while and then we have to go back again. Just one of those things

with Aspies. Good luck and I pray you get some relief. <<hugs>>

~ne

>

> Hello,

> I have posted on here before and loved the help and support I have

gotten, and I watch the boards regularly I was in hopes someone else would maybe

post with the same issue~ My Aspie son Ashton is 7 and in 1st grade I cannot

seem to figure out his mornings they are sooooo tough and quite honestly exhaust

me to the maximum.

>

> Most of the boys (my other 5) get up at 6:30 (bus comes at 7:30) Ashton I have

to literally wait until 7:10 or 7:15 as he HATES school and NEVER wants to go

(that is a whole nother post about the laziness of our school and the fight for

an IEP we are still battling)He will usually start with " I dont want to go to

school " and I tell him it is not a choice (last year he missed 43 days of school

because of fighting to go and also the school calling me to come get him (will

get to that later) Finally he gets up I can get him dressed and pep talk him

about what a great day he is going to have his mood lightens a bit. THEN after

he gets his shoes on and takes his pill (which can be a fight as well he will

run from me and hold his hands over his mouth) If he decides to eat he will eat

very very slow then as I am getting other kids ready to get out the door to the

bus....

>

> He escapes on me and takes his shoes off and goes and hides Thus the battle

begins...I am rushed to get his shoes back on all while he is fighting me and

telling me he is not going to school. If I push him and get angry with him he

shuts down and gets very angry and mad and things escalate so I try to stay

calm...Get him out the door with his brothers and some days he runs off or hides

to miss the bus. I have often walked him to the bus however this creates

outbursts and crying and is even an uglier situation!

>

> If he misses the bus and I take him he will not get out of the truck AUGH!!!!

>

> We have tried sooo many things...ie..If you go to school you can have 10

minutes on the computer etc...it works for a short time then he finally decides

he knows at one point he is not going to be good and is going to be bad so why

bother trying for it so when I tell him " if you go to school mom will make

whatever you would like for dinner tonight your choice " he will in return say

" No I am not going to be good " like he just gives up!!

>

> My 5 year old is starting kindergarten and I am terrified that with my morning

routine and just all of the exhaustiion with ashton I wont be able to keep up!

PLEASE HELP!

>

> Thank you so much!

> (I will be posting a HUGE issue we are having with school and IEP as well as

the nonsense way they handle him at school as I have noticed alot of you with

aspies have trbl with school so it is not just me augh sooo frustrating though)

>

November 4, 2010

Raina,

I don't have much help or advice on this one. Our son drags but once we get him through the first week or two he calms down and it becomes part of his routine. I did have one idea for you. Since you have to do it sometimes anyway you might try driving him to school everyday and skipping the bus part. A quiet ride to school might allow him some adjustment time for the transition to school. Plus if he has sensory issues I'm sure the bus ride is major stressor for him. By eliminating the bus ride you might solve the issue IF, and its a big if, the bus ride is a major part of the problem. I remember as a kid that bus rides can be great or torture. And I was a normal kid. So for an ASPIE I can't imagine it being the way to start the morning. You might start off by telling him over the weekend that mommy is going to drive him to school every day next week. That way he's got that in

his head from the get go.

At school its very important that the teacher have a pretty normal schedule for the kids. Most teacher's do this but you might want to get the inside scoop from your kids, other parents, etc... as to how well the teacher manages the class. A poor teacher might contribute also to his stress. And finally try to get good sleep and try things that help reduce anxiety in general.

From: Raina <my6lilguys@...>Subject: ( ) Just help or any advice for morning transition~ Date: Thursday, November 4, 2010, 1:39 PM

Hello, I have posted on here before and loved the help and support I have gotten, and I watch the boards regularly I was in hopes someone else would maybe post with the same issue~ My Aspie son Ashton is 7 and in 1st grade I cannot seem to figure out his mornings they are sooooo tough and quite honestly exhaust me to the maximum.Most of the boys (my other 5) get up at 6:30 (bus comes at 7:30) Ashton I have to literally wait until 7:10 or 7:15 as he HATES school and NEVER wants to go (that is a whole nother post about the laziness of our school and the fight for an IEP we are still battling)He will usually start with "I dont want to go to school" and I tell him it is not a choice (last year he missed 43 days of school because of fighting to go and also the school calling me to come get him (will get to that later) Finally he gets up I can get him dressed and pep talk him about what a great day he is going to have his mood lightens a bit.

THEN after he gets his shoes on and takes his pill (which can be a fight as well he will run from me and hold his hands over his mouth) If he decides to eat he will eat very very slow then as I am getting other kids ready to get out the door to the bus....He escapes on me and takes his shoes off and goes and hides Thus the battle begins...I am rushed to get his shoes back on all while he is fighting me and telling me he is not going to school. If I push him and get angry with him he shuts down and gets very angry and mad and things escalate so I try to stay calm...Get him out the door with his brothers and some days he runs off or hides to miss the bus. I have often walked him to the bus however this creates outbursts and crying and is even an uglier situation! If he misses the bus and I take him he will not get out of the truck AUGH!!!!We have tried sooo many things...ie..If you go to school you can have 10 minutes on the

computer etc...it works for a short time then he finally decides he knows at one point he is not going to be good and is going to be bad so why bother trying for it so when I tell him "if you go to school mom will make whatever you would like for dinner tonight your choice" he will in return say "No I am not going to be good" like he just gives up!!My 5 year old is starting kindergarten and I am terrified that with my morning routine and just all of the exhaustiion with ashton I wont be able to keep up! PLEASE HELP! Thank you so much!(I will be posting a HUGE issue we are having with school and IEP as well as the nonsense way they handle him at school as I have noticed alot of you with aspies have trbl with school so it is not just me augh sooo frustrating though)

November 5, 2010

Hello there,

Just like Suzanne I too have a 13 yo Aspie. Mornings are rough, VERY rough. It

takes me a couple hours to decompress after dropping him off at school everyday.

We've tried absolutely eveything and sometimes things will work for a week or so

but then he's back to the morning meanie. I agree with Suzanne on the whole time

thing. My son's number one issue is being rushed, he's goes into vapor lock and

meltdown when he's rushed. We get up EXTRA early so if need be he can take 25

mins to eat a bowl of cereal. Right now we're tying a check off board and he

checks off what hes done. At night we " try " to have his school lunch made and in

the fridge, pick out his clothes for the next day and have his backpack and

school id at the door. In the morning this just leaves getting dressed, eating

breakfast, taking his pills and brushing his teeth and trust me that can can

over an hour with my son.

I also try my hardest not to get into battles with him, he's constantly

complaining about EVERYTHING, right down to things like " the dog is in my way "

In mornings I try to parent like a robot, not showing any emotion or letting him

know he's frustrating me to no end.

One thing I have realized with him is he needs instant gratification. Telling

him he can play his video game or one the computer for 30 mins if he has a good

morning is a pleasure that is too far away for him to justify being " good " for.

Would something like a special (little) treat in your son's lunch be something

he'd be willing to work for? Or for that age maybe you could have a little grab

bag of Dollar Store party favors he could pick from every morning when he gets

out of the car at school, if he behaves?

When my son has the attitude that he doesn't need to go to school I put it all

on the authorities. I tell him that it's against the law for me to let him stay

home if he's not sick. We've had to go as far as driving him to the parking lot

of Juvenille Hall just to show him that we're serious, he HAS to go to school.

There have been a few times that he's physically refused to go to school (he's

110 lbs and tall so I cannot move him) I've threatened to call the Truent

Officer to come get him and fortunatley he believes me. Lord knows what I'd ever

do if my threat wasn't taken seriously. My husband refuses to belive my son's

behavior is anything but pure stubborness. He refuses to read any of the dozens

of books we have on the subject of aspergers, bipolar or sensory issues. I have

to continually remind him to stop yelling at our son, that's a BIG trigger for

his meltdowns too. Feeling like we're parenting this on our own is hard I know.

I've been married for 19 yrs and I've yet to change his views on anything. I

just do to best I can and come here to vent and beg for help whenever life gets

overwhelming.

Trust me I'm still working on things and like I said nothing lasts for long so

I'm right along w/ you as far as frustration goes. But keep trying and maybe,

just maybe something will work

W.