Guest guest Posted April 12, 2010 Report Share Posted April 12, 2010 I knew my daughter was lying on numerous occasions before II had enough evidence to "cop" her. She then got lines - she hates writing - that double every time she's caught. We got to 80 and she knows next time it's 160. The thought of 160 lines has been enough to stop her for the last 6 months and counting... Another little tip that might help - i started out asking dd if she had lied - which was promptly another lie that she hadn't when I knew she had. It took a little practise but I modified my words and then would say "how many biscuits did you take" instead of "did you take biscuits" or "when did you do xyz" instead of "did you do xyz" - she already knew then she was caught and this meant that I could then deal with her even when I had no evidence other than motherly gut feel. Hope this helps, a From: Cheryl G Sent: Monday, April 12, 2010 2:18 AM Subject: ( ) I'm at a loss... My 12 year old Aspie has discovered lying. She now lies about everything. On top of that she acts like she hates her 6 year old sister. She told me last week that she is having a hard time getting used to being an older sister!! She has been an older sister for 6 years...how long does it take to get used to being the older sibling?? She has now started lying about other children's parents saying her little sister can no longer play with the other kids in the neighborhood, and then I found out tonight that she stole her little sister's money out of her wallet....of course the story is she borrowed the money from a girl, an un-named girl.... So now I'm at my wit's end with the lying and hurting her little sister's feelings. I understand she wants to be left alone, but some of this is just getting down right mean and nasty. if you have had experiences with this I would love to know what has worked.Thanks,Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2010 Report Share Posted April 12, 2010 Maybe your older daughter has some jealousy towards her little sister for not having the issues that she does, and she doesn't know how to deal with that feeling. Many kids, (not just AS) treat their siblings worse than they would treat any other kids, because it is "safe." The sibling won't go away, they will still be there tomorrow even if you are mean to them. You just have to keep reinforcing the rules with her - no lying and we don't treat our family members that way. (No name calling, or excluding, etc.) And keep following through with negative consequences when she does. But of course if you do see them playing nicely or interacting well, you should give positive reinforcement for that.Does your older daughter see a therapist? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Suzanne suzmarkwood@... From: Cheryl G <chguthrie03@...>Subject: ( ) I'm at a loss... Date: Sunday, April 11, 2010, 6:18 PM My 12 year old Aspie has discovered lying. She now lies about everything. On top of that she acts like she hates her 6 year old sister. She told me last week that she is having a hard time getting used to being an older sister!! She has been an older sister for 6 years...how long does it take to get used to being the older sibling?? She has now started lying about other children's parents saying her little sister can no longer play with the other kids in the neighborhood, and then I found out tonight that she stole her little sister's money out of her wallet....of course the story is she borrowed the money from a girl, an un-named girl.... So now I'm at my wit's end with the lying and hurting her little sister's feelings. I understand she wants to be left alone, but some of this is just getting down right mean and nasty. if you have had experiences with this I would love to know what has worked.Thanks,Cheryl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2010 Report Share Posted April 12, 2010 My daughter is 8 and we are having this same problem. One way we went about dealing with the lying is. We tell her we will ask her one time for the truth (we remind her each time) "Caitlin did you take the brownies off the counter? If you need to think about it and come back thats fine, but we want the truth. Your punishment is always worse if you lie when we ask" She will go away and then come back and has been telling us the truth. If we catch her lying we tell her to go to her room and think about it to make sure its really the truth and come back to talk to us. This has been helping a LOT. Anyway just a thought. Sending my thoughts your way! I know how frustrating this is!! On Apr 11, 2010, at 6:18 PM, Cheryl G wrote: My 12 year old Aspie has discovered lying. She now lies about everything. On top of that she acts like she hates her 6 year old sister. She told me last week that she is having a hard time getting used to being an older sister!! She has been an older sister for 6 years...how long does it take to get used to being the older sibling?? She has now started lying about other children's parents saying her little sister can no longer play with the other kids in the neighborhood, and then I found out tonight that she stole her little sister's money out of her wallet....of course the story is she borrowed the money from a girl, an un-named girl.... So now I'm at my wit's end with the lying and hurting her little sister's feelings. I understand she wants to be left alone, but some of this is just getting down right mean and nasty. if you have had experiences with this I would love to know what has worked. Thanks, Cheryl “Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2010 Report Share Posted April 12, 2010 OOH a, we do lines as well!!! My kids HATE it!! Its better than time out *evil grin* Also we reword what we say as well in order to "help" her not lie. :-D Its those lil tricks! She is constantly telling me shes so much smarter than I am. And my retort is "You haven't been able to pull one past me yet lil missy" She also started saying "You have no proof it was me" They are to smart for their own good!! On Apr 12, 2010, at 6:52 AM, a wrote: I knew my daughter was lying on numerous occasions before II had enough evidence to "cop" her. She then got lines - she hates writing - that double every time she's caught. We got to 80 and she knows next time it's 160. The thought of 160 lines has been enough to stop her for the last 6 months and counting... Another little tip that might help - i started out asking dd if she had lied - which was promptly another lie that she hadn't when I knew she had. It took a little practise but I modified my words and then would say "how many biscuits did you take" instead of "did you take biscuits" or "when did you do xyz" instead of "did you do xyz" - she already knew then she was caught and this meant that I could then deal with her even when I had no evidence other than motherly gut feel. Hope this helps, a From: Cheryl G Sent: Monday, April 12, 2010 2:18 AM Subject: ( ) I'm at a loss... My 12 year old Aspie has discovered lying. She now lies about everything. On top of that she acts like she hates her 6 year old sister. She told me last week that she is having a hard time getting used to being an older sister!! She has been an older sister for 6 years...how long does it take to get used to being the older sibling?? She has now started lying about other children's parents saying her little sister can no longer play with the other kids in the neighborhood, and then I found out tonight that she stole her little sister's money out of her wallet....of course the story is she borrowed the money from a girl, an un-named girl.... So now I'm at my wit's end with the lying and hurting her little sister's feelings. I understand she wants to be left alone, but some of this is just getting down right mean and nasty. if you have had experiences with this I would love to know what has worked.Thanks,Cheryl “Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2010 Report Share Posted April 12, 2010 and a, thank you for the great suggestion about writing lines. I'm curious - what do you have them write? I am definitely going to use this for my 7yo son who has recently discovered the joys of lying!PattiFrom: Byrne <kabob@...> Sent: Mon, April 12, 2010 2:08:33 PMSubject: Re: ( ) I'm at a loss... OOH a, we do lines as well!!! My kids HATE it!! Its better than time out *evil grin* Also we reword what we say as well in order to "help" her not lie. :-D Its those lil tricks! She is constantly telling me shes so much smarter than I am. And my retort is "You haven't been able to pull one past me yet lil missy" She also started saying "You have no proof it was me" They are to smart for their own good!! On Apr 12, 2010, at 6:52 AM, a wrote: I knew my daughter was lying on numerous occasions before II had enough evidence to "cop" her. She then got lines - she hates writing - that double every time she's caught. We got to 80 and she knows next time it's 160. The thought of 160 lines has been enough to stop her for the last 6 months and counting... Another little tip that might help - i started out asking dd if she had lied - which was promptly another lie that she hadn't when I knew she had. It took a little practise but I modified my words and then would say "how many biscuits did you take" instead of "did you take biscuits" or "when did you do xyz" instead of "did you do xyz" - she already knew then she was caught and this meant that I could then deal with her even when I had no evidence other than motherly gut feel. Hope this helps, a From: Cheryl G Sent: Monday, April 12, 2010 2:18 AM Subject: ( ) I'm at a loss... My 12 year old Aspie has discovered lying. She now lies about everything. On top of that she acts like she hates her 6 year old sister. She told me last week that she is having a hard time getting used to being an older sister!! She has been an older sister for 6 years...how long does it take to get used to being the older sibling?? She has now started lying about other children's parents saying her little sister can no longer play with the other kids in the neighborhood, and then I found out tonight that she stole her little sister's money out of her wallet....of course the story is she borrowed the money from a girl, an un-named girl.... So now I'm at my wit's end with the lying and hurting her little sister's feelings. I understand she wants to be left alone, but some of this is just getting down right mean and nasty. if you have had experiences with this I would love to know what has worked.Thanks,Cheryl “Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.†- Steve Jobs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 12, 2010 Report Share Posted April 12, 2010 Whatever the offense is. Lying I will not lie to my parents (something pretty simple since she already ahs writing issues)I will not take junk food without permission I will not scream while riding in the car Very simple sentences. Gets the point across. Caitlin is 8 so I give her 25 first and then it goes up each time she screams about writing them or if she starts a battle My son is 6 and we start at 10 and then go up from there if he fights. They've learned quickly not to argue :-D On Apr 12, 2010, at 1:42 PM, PattiAnnB wrote: and a, thank you for the great suggestion about writing lines. I'm curious - what do you have them write? I am definitely going to use this for my 7yo son who has recently discovered the joys of lying!PattiFrom: Byrne <kabobecatbox (DOT) net> Sent: Mon, April 12, 2010 2:08:33 PMSubject: Re: ( ) I'm at a loss... OOH a, we do lines as well!!! My kids HATE it!! Its better than time out *evil grin* Also we reword what we say as well in order to "help" her not lie. :-D Its those lil tricks! She is constantly telling me shes so much smarter than I am. And my retort is "You haven't been able to pull one past me yet lil missy" She also started saying "You have no proof it was me" They are to smart for their own good!! On Apr 12, 2010, at 6:52 AM, a wrote: I knew my daughter was lying on numerous occasions before II had enough evidence to "cop" her. She then got lines - she hates writing - that double every time she's caught. We got to 80 and she knows next time it's 160. The thought of 160 lines has been enough to stop her for the last 6 months and counting... Another little tip that might help - i started out asking dd if she had lied - which was promptly another lie that she hadn't when I knew she had. It took a little practise but I modified my words and then would say "how many biscuits did you take" instead of "did you take biscuits" or "when did you do xyz" instead of "did you do xyz" - she already knew then she was caught and this meant that I could then deal with her even when I had no evidence other than motherly gut feel. Hope this helps, a From: Cheryl G Sent: Monday, April 12, 2010 2:18 AM Subject: ( ) I'm at a loss... My 12 year old Aspie has discovered lying. She now lies about everything. On top of that she acts like she hates her 6 year old sister. She told me last week that she is having a hard time getting used to being an older sister!! She has been an older sister for 6 years...how long does it take to get used to being the older sibling?? She has now started lying about other children's parents saying her little sister can no longer play with the other kids in the neighborhood, and then I found out tonight that she stole her little sister's money out of her wallet....of course the story is she borrowed the money from a girl, an un-named girl.... So now I'm at my wit's end with the lying and hurting her little sister's feelings. I understand she wants to be left alone, but some of this is just getting down right mean and nasty. if you have had experiences with this I would love to know what has worked.Thanks,Cheryl “Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs “Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2010 Report Share Posted April 13, 2010 Like , I started out with "I will not..." statements but very quickly decided I would rather make dd write positive reinforcement lines to try to program her brain for what it should do and change to doing, rather than emphasising what it should not (i read a book some years ago now about this and how it is better to say "watch your balance" than "don't fall" because the brain processes the key word as "fall" instead of "balance"). The lines take quite some time to write out - particularly now she is up to 80 on my doubling each time she does something scheme - so for that period of time I would rather she focus on what she should be doing. I now get her to write "I will only tell the truth" - for lying or "I will only eat what I am allowed" - for taking food, "I will respect other people's things" - for stealing etc. This has also stopped dd from perseverating on how she is "A Liar" or "A Thief" which she began to do and to tell everyone she was a very bad person, again following the logic if you keep telling someone they are an idiot, they behave like an idiot and reinforce their own behaviour to live up to the label! Hope this helps, a From: Byrne Sent: Tuesday, April 13, 2010 12:52 AM Subject: Re: ( ) I'm at a loss... Whatever the offense is. Lying I will not lie to my parents (something pretty simple since she already ahs writing issues) I will not take junk food without permission I will not scream while riding in the car Very simple sentences. Gets the point across. Caitlin is 8 so I give her 25 first and then it goes up each time she screams about writing them or if she starts a battle My son is 6 and we start at 10 and then go up from there if he fights. They've learned quickly not to argue :-D On Apr 12, 2010, at 1:42 PM, PattiAnnB wrote: and a, thank you for the great suggestion about writing lines. I'm curious - what do you have them write? I am definitely going to use this for my 7yo son who has recently discovered the joys of lying!Patti From: Byrne <kabobecatbox (DOT) net> Sent: Mon, April 12, 2010 2:08:33 PMSubject: Re: ( ) I'm at a loss... OOH a, we do lines as well!!! My kids HATE it!! Its better than time out *evil grin* Also we reword what we say as well in order to "help" her not lie. :-D Its those lil tricks! She is constantly telling me shes so much smarter than I am. And my retort is "You haven't been able to pull one past me yet lil missy" She also started saying "You have no proof it was me" They are to smart for their own good!! On Apr 12, 2010, at 6:52 AM, a wrote: I knew my daughter was lying on numerous occasions before II had enough evidence to "cop" her. She then got lines - she hates writing - that double every time she's caught. We got to 80 and she knows next time it's 160. The thought of 160 lines has been enough to stop her for the last 6 months and counting... Another little tip that might help - i started out asking dd if she had lied - which was promptly another lie that she hadn't when I knew she had. It took a little practise but I modified my words and then would say "how many biscuits did you take" instead of "did you take biscuits" or "when did you do xyz" instead of "did you do xyz" - she already knew then she was caught and this meant that I could then deal with her even when I had no evidence other than motherly gut feel. Hope this helps, a From: Cheryl G Sent: Monday, April 12, 2010 2:18 AM Subject: ( ) I'm at a loss... My 12 year old Aspie has discovered lying. She now lies about everything. On top of that she acts like she hates her 6 year old sister. She told me last week that she is having a hard time getting used to being an older sister!! She has been an older sister for 6 years...how long does it take to get used to being the older sibling?? She has now started lying about other children's parents saying her little sister can no longer play with the other kids in the neighborhood, and then I found out tonight that she stole her little sister's money out of her wallet....of course the story is she borrowed the money from a girl, an un-named girl.... So now I'm at my wit's end with the lying and hurting her little sister's feelings. I understand she wants to be left alone, but some of this is just getting down right mean and nasty. if you have had experiences with this I would love to know what has worked.Thanks,Cheryl “Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs “Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2010 Report Share Posted April 13, 2010 , When she was little and upset one time I told dd there is an invisible cord that binds her and I together and that means I often know when she is hurting or upset in a way that others don't always interpret correctly. Over the years this has fascinated her and we have had many conversations about the "invisible cord". But now she has also learned that the invisible cord also tells me when she has done something she shouldn't and this gets me past the "you have no proof" bit. I told dd about people who often know when something has happened to a loved one many miles away and that there is an invisible cord between those two people just like there is between her and I. She has also learned that she can hurt me through the invisible cord too - that when she does something that hurts her, it hurts me too and that means she also has the power to hurt me a lot more than she does other people and she has learned to respect that and has a somewhat deeper level of understanding about emotions than I believe she otherwise would. Got sidetracked a little there!! My main point is that when you know it is your child who has done something but you are unable to demonstrate to them how you know - with AS kids it is often abundantly clear but you cannot for absolute certain rule out that it was the cat/dog/weather/Dad/the washing machine/an alien etc etc then the invisible cord between you and them "knows". Hope this helps, a From: PattiAnnB Sent: Monday, April 12, 2010 9:42 PM Subject: Re: ( ) I'm at a loss... and a, thank you for the great suggestion about writing lines. I'm curious - what do you have them write? I am definitely going to use this for my 7yo son who has recently discovered the joys of lying!Patti From: Byrne <kabobecatbox (DOT) net> Sent: Mon, April 12, 2010 2:08:33 PMSubject: Re: ( ) I'm at a loss... OOH a, we do lines as well!!! My kids HATE it!! Its better than time out *evil grin* Also we reword what we say as well in order to "help" her not lie. :-D Its those lil tricks! She is constantly telling me shes so much smarter than I am. And my retort is "You haven't been able to pull one past me yet lil missy" She also started saying "You have no proof it was me" They are to smart for their own good!! On Apr 12, 2010, at 6:52 AM, a wrote: I knew my daughter was lying on numerous occasions before II had enough evidence to "cop" her. She then got lines - she hates writing - that double every time she's caught. We got to 80 and she knows next time it's 160. The thought of 160 lines has been enough to stop her for the last 6 months and counting... Another little tip that might help - i started out asking dd if she had lied - which was promptly another lie that she hadn't when I knew she had. It took a little practise but I modified my words and then would say "how many biscuits did you take" instead of "did you take biscuits" or "when did you do xyz" instead of "did you do xyz" - she already knew then she was caught and this meant that I could then deal with her even when I had no evidence other than motherly gut feel. Hope this helps, a From: Cheryl G Sent: Monday, April 12, 2010 2:18 AM Subject: ( ) I'm at a loss... My 12 year old Aspie has discovered lying. She now lies about everything. On top of that she acts like she hates her 6 year old sister. She told me last week that she is having a hard time getting used to being an older sister!! She has been an older sister for 6 years...how long does it take to get used to being the older sibling?? She has now started lying about other children's parents saying her little sister can no longer play with the other kids in the neighborhood, and then I found out tonight that she stole her little sister's money out of her wallet....of course the story is she borrowed the money from a girl, an un-named girl.... So now I'm at my wit's end with the lying and hurting her little sister's feelings. I understand she wants to be left alone, but some of this is just getting down right mean and nasty. if you have had experiences with this I would love to know what has worked.Thanks,Cheryl “Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.†- Steve Jobs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2010 Report Share Posted April 13, 2010 a:Wow, I'm printing out this email and your previous one and putting them on my refrigerator for immediate use in our house! Such great advice, and thanks SO much for sharing!PattiFrom: a <paulahenderson@...> Sent: Tue, April 13, 2010 1:39:23 AMSubject: Re: ( ) I'm at a loss... , When she was little and upset one time I told dd there is an invisible cord that binds her and I together and that means I often know when she is hurting or upset in a way that others don't always interpret correctly. Over the years this has fascinated her and we have had many conversations about the "invisible cord". But now she has also learned that the invisible cord also tells me when she has done something she shouldn't and this gets me past the "you have no proof" bit. I told dd about people who often know when something has happened to a loved one many miles away and that there is an invisible cord between those two people just like there is between her and I. She has also learned that she can hurt me through the invisible cord too - that when she does something that hurts her, it hurts me too and that means she also has the power to hurt me a lot more than she does other people and she has learned to respect that and has a somewhat deeper level of understanding about emotions than I believe she otherwise would. Got sidetracked a little there!! My main point is that when you know it is your child who has done something but you are unable to demonstrate to them how you know - with AS kids it is often abundantly clear but you cannot for absolute certain rule out that it was the cat/dog/weather/ Dad/the washing machine/an alien etc etc then the invisible cord between you and them "knows". Hope this helps, a From: PattiAnnB Sent: Monday, April 12, 2010 9:42 PM Subject: Re: ( ) I'm at a loss... and a, thank you for the great suggestion about writing lines. I'm curious - what do you have them write? I am definitely going to use this for my 7yo son who has recently discovered the joys of lying!Patti From: Byrne <kabobecatbox (DOT) net> Sent: Mon, April 12, 2010 2:08:33 PMSubject: Re: ( ) I'm at a loss... OOH a, we do lines as well!!! My kids HATE it!! Its better than time out *evil grin* Also we reword what we say as well in order to "help" her not lie. :-D Its those lil tricks! She is constantly telling me shes so much smarter than I am. And my retort is "You haven't been able to pull one past me yet lil missy" She also started saying "You have no proof it was me" They are to smart for their own good!! On Apr 12, 2010, at 6:52 AM, a wrote: I knew my daughter was lying on numerous occasions before II had enough evidence to "cop" her. She then got lines - she hates writing - that double every time she's caught. We got to 80 and she knows next time it's 160. The thought of 160 lines has been enough to stop her for the last 6 months and counting... Another little tip that might help - i started out asking dd if she had lied - which was promptly another lie that she hadn't when I knew she had. It took a little practise but I modified my words and then would say "how many biscuits did you take" instead of "did you take biscuits" or "when did you do xyz" instead of "did you do xyz" - she already knew then she was caught and this meant that I could then deal with her even when I had no evidence other than motherly gut feel. Hope this helps, a From: Cheryl G Sent: Monday, April 12, 2010 2:18 AM Subject: ( ) I'm at a loss... My 12 year old Aspie has discovered lying. She now lies about everything. On top of that she acts like she hates her 6 year old sister. She told me last week that she is having a hard time getting used to being an older sister!! She has been an older sister for 6 years...how long does it take to get used to being the older sibling?? She has now started lying about other children's parents saying her little sister can no longer play with the other kids in the neighborhood, and then I found out tonight that she stole her little sister's money out of her wallet....of course the story is she borrowed the money from a girl, an un-named girl.... So now I'm at my wit's end with the lying and hurting her little sister's feelings. I understand she wants to be left alone, but some of this is just getting down right mean and nasty. if you have had experiences with this I would love to know what has worked.Thanks,Cheryl “Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.†- Steve Jobs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 13, 2010 Report Share Posted April 13, 2010 Oh a, Great idea!!! I never thought of it that way. We just started doing this about two months ago! Thanks for the suggestion! On Apr 12, 2010, at 11:26 PM, a wrote: Like , I started out with "I will not..." statements but very quickly decided I would rather make dd write positive reinforcement lines to try to program her brain for what it should do and change to doing, rather than emphasising what it should not (i read a book some years ago now about this and how it is better to say "watch your balance" than "don't fall" because the brain processes the key word as "fall" instead of "balance"). The lines take quite some time to write out - particularly now she is up to 80 on my doubling each time she does something scheme - so for that period of time I would rather she focus on what she should be doing. I now get her to write "I will only tell the truth" - for lying or "I will only eat what I am allowed" - for taking food, "I will respect other people's things" - for stealing etc. This has also stopped dd from perseverating on how she is "A Liar" or "A Thief" which she began to do and to tell everyone she was a very bad person, again following the logic if you keep telling someone they are an idiot, they behave like an idiot and reinforce their own behaviour to live up to the label! Hope this helps, a From: Byrne Sent: Tuesday, April 13, 2010 12:52 AM Subject: Re: ( ) I'm at a loss... Whatever the offense is. Lying I will not lie to my parents (something pretty simple since she already ahs writing issues) I will not take junk food without permission I will not scream while riding in the car Very simple sentences. Gets the point across. Caitlin is 8 so I give her 25 first and then it goes up each time she screams about writing them or if she starts a battle My son is 6 and we start at 10 and then go up from there if he fights. They've learned quickly not to argue :-D On Apr 12, 2010, at 1:42 PM, PattiAnnB wrote: and a, thank you for the great suggestion about writing lines. I'm curious - what do you have them write? I am definitely going to use this for my 7yo son who has recently discovered the joys of lying!Patti From: Byrne <kabobecatbox (DOT) net> Sent: Mon, April 12, 2010 2:08:33 PMSubject: Re: ( ) I'm at a loss... OOH a, we do lines as well!!! My kids HATE it!! Its better than time out *evil grin* Also we reword what we say as well in order to "help" her not lie. :-D Its those lil tricks! She is constantly telling me shes so much smarter than I am. And my retort is "You haven't been able to pull one past me yet lil missy" She also started saying "You have no proof it was me" They are to smart for their own good!! On Apr 12, 2010, at 6:52 AM, a wrote: I knew my daughter was lying on numerous occasions before II had enough evidence to "cop" her. She then got lines - she hates writing - that double every time she's caught. We got to 80 and she knows next time it's 160. The thought of 160 lines has been enough to stop her for the last 6 months and counting... Another little tip that might help - i started out asking dd if she had lied - which was promptly another lie that she hadn't when I knew she had. It took a little practise but I modified my words and then would say "how many biscuits did you take" instead of "did you take biscuits" or "when did you do xyz" instead of "did you do xyz" - she already knew then she was caught and this meant that I could then deal with her even when I had no evidence other than motherly gut feel. Hope this helps, a From: Cheryl G Sent: Monday, April 12, 2010 2:18 AM Subject: ( ) I'm at a loss... My 12 year old Aspie has discovered lying. She now lies about everything. On top of that she acts like she hates her 6 year old sister. She told me last week that she is having a hard time getting used to being an older sister!! She has been an older sister for 6 years...how long does it take to get used to being the older sibling?? She has now started lying about other children's parents saying her little sister can no longer play with the other kids in the neighborhood, and then I found out tonight that she stole her little sister's money out of her wallet....of course the story is she borrowed the money from a girl, an un-named girl.... So now I'm at my wit's end with the lying and hurting her little sister's feelings. I understand she wants to be left alone, but some of this is just getting down right mean and nasty. if you have had experiences with this I would love to know what has worked.Thanks,Cheryl “Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs “Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs “Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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