Re: Newbie and need HELP!

September 22, 2010

omg, please use paragraphs when writing something that long it's so hard on the eyes to not have a visual break

On Wed, Sep 22, 2010 at 8:55 PM, Raina <my6lilguys@...> wrote:

Wow my story is quite a lengthy one and I have been watching the threads and have finally decided I think I need to post as you all seem so helpful to one another and maybe just maybe I dont have to be alone in this!I am a 33 year old mom to 6 yes 6 wonderful boys (as if 6 wasnt shocking enough) my husband and I have been married 12 years..our kiddos range from 12 is our oldest to 4 and a half almost 5...

I am a stay at home mom, we run a very very tight household and have a strict routine...I totally had it all figured out! UNTIL my 5th son Ashton started showing signs of very high hyper activity..Then at the age of 4 my youngest son suffered an accident that almost took his little life..Ashton is always escaping out of the house so we had to put locks on all the insides of the doors up high where he could not reach them, well one day I went out to do laundry (it was in our basement and we had to go outside to get to it) when I returned I noticed that our dog was not by the door which led me to believe ashton had let him out or escaped (I could not lock the door as I would have been locked out) it was then I realized my then 2 year old son was missing to and I immediately went looking for them. We lived on a dead end road surrounded by elderly people...When I found ashton he was playing by the neighbors house and no Owen...I asked ashton where owen was and he looked and me and said straight faced " hes in the pond " There was a pond in between two houses far in the back across the street from us! I ran like I had never ran before to the pond only to find my baby face down floating...I jumped in and got him and he was blue, and not breathing! After running for help and my neighbor heard and called 911 I knew I had to do something and luckily had taken infant child cpr a year earlier for a dental office I worked for! My instincts kicked in and I started breaths and compressions....after 4 sets of breaths and compressions he coughed and started breathing! at that point the ambulance had shown up! Long story short he ended up being PERFECT no lung issues, chest x-ray clean and no neurological problems! He is my miracle baby!

So at this point amongst all of the other questions I had I was then questionig why why...didnt ashton run home to tell me Owen had fallen in the water..all of my other kids at the age would have most def done just that! At my sons checkup with his pediatrician as I was telling him the story he stopped me mid sentence and said " Ashton saw it " ? and I said yes and at that point he looked at me put his hand on my leg and said " we have a problem " a year later he had a diagnosis of ADHD and ODD and 4 months ago was Finally diagnosed with aspergers! (took us 8 months to get into a psychologist in our area)

The last 2 years have been the worst and most hardest, trying, emotially draining, mentally exhausting years of my life! I dont even know where to begin! He has been on 5 diff meds and we are finally on track to seeing therapists and counselors...my question is this.....Why as a parent can I not find that connection with him? he is self destructive, vindictive, at times scary, unmanagable, intolerable, and all around just difficult! He has sensory issues so he is not a cuddler but I am having the worst feeling a mother should NEVER have. When I look at him I see the chaos and craziness he has brought to our lives not just mine and my husbands but my other kids as well...They have missed out on SOOOO much as our day routine is around whether or not ashton is having a good day..if he is not I will not go out in public as I cannot control him! He runs off over every little thing and he is fast.. He will take off on me at a store and I cant catch him. He destroys everything of his brothers (wii games 4 in the last month) breaks his glasses when he is made, wont think twice about grabbing a pen and wtriting all over the walls etc..I know he is different and I know I should not get mad at him as he does not understand however when he gets in trouble and I try to discipline him (which at this point dont have the slightest clue how as most methods with my other kids wont work) he looks at me and laughs this evil laugh! I cry myself to sleep and some mornings dont even want to face the day..the resentment in my house is sooo severe with his brothers its hard to take some days, however he is usually 99 percent of the time the root of the problem! I am suppose to be an advocate for him for school (which he gets sent home from at least 3 days a week and still after a year of me fighting tooth and nail not on an IEP) when I cannot control him myself...I am seriously at the end of my rope!

I dont want to feel this way I want sooo badly to love him but at this point in time I am fighting with my emotions and most of it is just sadness and anger. Is this normal and what do I do? I am trying to understand him but going from 5 boys to a child with his behaviorial issues and aspergers I am at a loss! I have read book after book but none tell me how to deal with this emotion..I know somewhere deep down I do love him, I am his mom I should love him and want to hold him and love on him however when he comes near me I dont even want to be in the same room as him! Please help me I need some sort of reassurance or direction! thank you soo much!!

Raina

September 22, 2010

Seriously? She just poured her heart out here. You could've messaged her one on one with that request, you know.Sent via BlackBerry by AT&TFrom: <doyourecycle@...>Sender: Date: Wed, 22 Sep 2010 21:43:38 -0400< >Reply Subject: Re: ( ) Newbie and need HELP! omg, please use paragraphs when writing something that long it's so hard on the eyes to not have a visual breakOn Wed, Sep 22, 2010 at 8:55 PM, Raina <my6lilguys@...> wrote: Wow my story is quite a lengthy one and I have been watching the threads and have finally decided I think I need to post as you all seem so helpful to one another and maybe just maybe I dont have to be alone in this!I am a 33 year old mom to 6 yes 6 wonderful boys (as if 6 wasnt shocking enough) my husband and I have been married 12 years..our kiddos range from 12 is our oldest to 4 and a half almost 5...I am a stay at home mom, we run a very very tight household and have a strict routine...I totally had it all figured out! UNTIL my 5th son Ashton started showing signs of very high hyper activity..Then at the age of 4 my youngest son suffered an accident that almost took his little life..Ashton is always escaping out of the house so we had to put locks on all the insides of the doors up high where he could not reach them, well one day I went out to do laundry (it was in our basement and we had to go outside to get to it) when I returned I noticed that our dog was not by the door which led me to believe ashton had let him out or escaped (I could not lock the door as I would have been locked out) it was then I realized my then 2 year old son was missing to and I immediately went looking for them. We lived on a dead end road surrounded by elderly people...When I found ashton he was playing by the neighbors house and no Owen...I asked ashton where owen was and he looked and me and said straight faced " hes in the pond " There was a pond in between two houses far in the back across the street from us! I ran like I had never ran before to the pond only to find my baby face down floating...I jumped in and got him and he was blue, and not breathing! After running for help and my neighbor heard and called 911 I knew I had to do something and luckily had taken infant child cpr a year earlier for a dental office I worked for! My instincts kicked in and I started breaths and compressions....after 4 sets of breaths and compressions he coughed and started breathing! at that point the ambulance had shown up! Long story short he ended up being PERFECT no lung issues, chest x-ray clean and no neurological problems! He is my miracle baby! So at this point amongst all of the other questions I had I was then questionig why why...didnt ashton run home to tell me Owen had fallen in the water..all of my other kids at the age would have most def done just that! At my sons checkup with his pediatrician as I was telling him the story he stopped me mid sentence and said " Ashton saw it " ? and I said yes and at that point he looked at me put his hand on my leg and said " we have a problem " a year later he had a diagnosis of ADHD and ODD and 4 months ago was Finally diagnosed with aspergers! (took us 8 months to get into a psychologist in our area) The last 2 years have been the worst and most hardest, trying, emotially draining, mentally exhausting years of my life! I dont even know where to begin! He has been on 5 diff meds and we are finally on track to seeing therapists and counselors...my question is this.....Why as a parent can I not find that connection with him? he is self destructive, vindictive, at times scary, unmanagable, intolerable, and all around just difficult! He has sensory issues so he is not a cuddler but I am having the worst feeling a mother should NEVER have. When I look at him I see the chaos and craziness he has brought to our lives not just mine and my husbands but my other kids as well...They have missed out on SOOOO much as our day routine is around whether or not ashton is having a good day..if he is not I will not go out in public as I cannot control him! He runs off over every little thing and he is fast.. He will take off on me at a store and I cant catch him. He destroys everything of his brothers (wii games 4 in the last month) breaks his glasses when he is made, wont think twice about grabbing a pen and wtriting all over the walls etc..I know he is different and I know I should not get mad at him as he does not understand however when he gets in trouble and I try to discipline him (which at this point dont have the slightest clue how as most methods with my other kids wont work) he looks at me and laughs this evil laugh! I cry myself to sleep and some mornings dont even want to face the day..the resentment in my house is sooo severe with his brothers its hard to take some days, however he is usually 99 percent of the time the root of the problem! I am suppose to be an advocate for him for school (which he gets sent home from at least 3 days a week and still after a year of me fighting tooth and nail not on an IEP) when I cannot control him myself...I am seriously at the end of my rope! I dont want to feel this way I want sooo badly to love him but at this point in time I am fighting with my emotions and most of it is just sadness and anger. Is this normal and what do I do? I am trying to understand him but going from 5 boys to a child with his behaviorial issues and aspergers I am at a loss! I have read book after book but none tell me how to deal with this emotion..I know somewhere deep down I do love him, I am his mom I should love him and want to hold him and love on him however when he comes near me I dont even want to be in the same room as him! Please help me I need some sort of reassurance or direction! thank you soo much!!Raina

September 22, 2010

Stop, I couldn't read her post it was just too hard on my eyes. Don't detract anymore from her post please. On Wed, Sep 22, 2010 at 10:39 PM, <smacalli@...> wrote:

Seriously? She just poured her heart out here. You could've messaged her one on one with that request, you know.Sent via BlackBerry by AT & TFrom: <doyourecycle@...>

Sender:

Date: Wed, 22 Sep 2010 21:43:38 -0400< >Reply

Subject: Re: ( ) Newbie and need HELP!

omg, please use paragraphs when writing something that long it's so hard on the eyes to not have a visual break

On Wed, Sep 22, 2010 at 8:55 PM, Raina <my6lilguys@...> wrote:

Wow my story is quite a lengthy one and I have been watching the threads and have finally decided I think I need to post as you all seem so helpful to one another and maybe just maybe I dont have to be alone in this!I am a 33 year old mom to 6 yes 6 wonderful boys (as if 6 wasnt shocking enough) my husband and I have been married 12 years..our kiddos range from 12 is our oldest to 4 and a half almost 5...

I am a stay at home mom, we run a very very tight household and have a strict routine...I totally had it all figured out! UNTIL my 5th son Ashton started showing signs of very high hyper activity..Then at the age of 4 my youngest son suffered an accident that almost took his little life..Ashton is always escaping out of the house so we had to put locks on all the insides of the doors up high where he could not reach them, well one day I went out to do laundry (it was in our basement and we had to go outside to get to it) when I returned I noticed that our dog was not by the door which led me to believe ashton had let him out or escaped (I could not lock the door as I would have been locked out) it was then I realized my then 2 year old son was missing to and I immediately went looking for them. We lived on a dead end road surrounded by elderly people...When I found ashton he was playing by the neighbors house and no Owen...I asked ashton where owen was and he looked and me and said straight faced " hes in the pond " There was a pond in between two houses far in the back across the street from us! I ran like I had never ran before to the pond only to find my baby face down floating...I jumped in and got him and he was blue, and not breathing! After running for help and my neighbor heard and called 911 I knew I had to do something and luckily had taken infant child cpr a year earlier for a dental office I worked for! My instincts kicked in and I started breaths and compressions....after 4 sets of breaths and compressions he coughed and started breathing! at that point the ambulance had shown up! Long story short he ended up being PERFECT no lung issues, chest x-ray clean and no neurological problems! He is my miracle baby!

So at this point amongst all of the other questions I had I was then questionig why why...didnt ashton run home to tell me Owen had fallen in the water..all of my other kids at the age would have most def done just that! At my sons checkup with his pediatrician as I was telling him the story he stopped me mid sentence and said " Ashton saw it " ? and I said yes and at that point he looked at me put his hand on my leg and said " we have a problem " a year later he had a diagnosis of ADHD and ODD and 4 months ago was Finally diagnosed with aspergers! (took us 8 months to get into a psychologist in our area)

The last 2 years have been the worst and most hardest, trying, emotially draining, mentally exhausting years of my life! I dont even know where to begin! He has been on 5 diff meds and we are finally on track to seeing therapists and counselors...my question is this.....Why as a parent can I not find that connection with him? he is self destructive, vindictive, at times scary, unmanagable, intolerable, and all around just difficult! He has sensory issues so he is not a cuddler but I am having the worst feeling a mother should NEVER have. When I look at him I see the chaos and craziness he has brought to our lives not just mine and my husbands but my other kids as well...They have missed out on SOOOO much as our day routine is around whether or not ashton is having a good day..if he is not I will not go out in public as I cannot control him! He runs off over every little thing and he is fast.. He will take off on me at a store and I cant catch him. He destroys everything of his brothers (wii games 4 in the last month) breaks his glasses when he is made, wont think twice about grabbing a pen and wtriting all over the walls etc..I know he is different and I know I should not get mad at him as he does not understand however when he gets in trouble and I try to discipline him (which at this point dont have the slightest clue how as most methods with my other kids wont work) he looks at me and laughs this evil laugh! I cry myself to sleep and some mornings dont even want to face the day..the resentment in my house is sooo severe with his brothers its hard to take some days, however he is usually 99 percent of the time the root of the problem! I am suppose to be an advocate for him for school (which he gets sent home from at least 3 days a week and still after a year of me fighting tooth and nail not on an IEP) when I cannot control him myself...I am seriously at the end of my rope!

I dont want to feel this way I want sooo badly to love him but at this point in time I am fighting with my emotions and most of it is just sadness and anger. Is this normal and what do I do? I am trying to understand him but going from 5 boys to a child with his behaviorial issues and aspergers I am at a loss! I have read book after book but none tell me how to deal with this emotion..I know somewhere deep down I do love him, I am his mom I should love him and want to hold him and love on him however when he comes near me I dont even want to be in the same room as him! Please help me I need some sort of reassurance or direction! thank you soo much!!

Raina

September 22, 2010

Raina, I know how you feel. My 7-year-old dd is not ODD or ADHD, but as an infant she had gastric reflux and she cried non-stop. At one point she went for 20 hours straight on a day when my husband was out of the country. I just about lost it. So many times I looked at her and said, "I love you, but I just don't like you right now!" She cried for four months until we could convince our doctor she wasn't just colicky. I felt like a horrible, horrible mother for resenting her so much.

At 7 things are definitely different now, but her meltdowns are so emotionally and physically draining. She reminds me of the little girl with the little curl right in the middle of her forehead. When she's good she's very good, but when she's "bad," she's horrid. Because I had severe postpartum depression bordering on psychosis, I sometimes wondered if I failed in bonding with her enough as a baby. Fortunately, she is a cuddler and is very affectionate and tells me most of the time I'm a good mom, so I had that going for me. I guess she bonded even if I felt for a long time that I failed by what I perceive to be society's standards. I do know I love her to pieces now because I want to cry when she's anxious, when she's confused, even when she's unkind to other children not because it shames me, but because I hurt for her having to face so many hurdles most of us jump easily or grow through. I cry when she gets bullied and doesn't even realize it. I cry when she has an epiphany and the light bulb finally comes on. When moms cry that much, they must really care and love their kids, even when it doesn't feel like it.

I wish I had a magic answer for you how to handle your son. My heart just really went out to you reading your story. But I wanted you to know I've been there, done that. What's helping me with the numerous stressors in my life has been counseling. My counselor doesn't tell me what to do or analyze me, but she listens to me, gives me feedback, helps me process what's going on and make healthy choices in where to go next. If there is any kind of Family Services type of thing in your community, you might want to look into it. It will likely be difficult to work into your busy life, but it might turn into a lifesaver.

Welcome and keep us updated. There are a lot of shoulders here to lean on.

Cheryl S.

September 22, 2010

Can I just say that whether it's hard on your eyes or anyone elses......kinda doesn't matter?We're a part of this group because of our kids...........

So,,,,,wow,,,,,,,,,if it's too much, just move on to the next post.

Please.

What you may have done to her when she was asking for help here - is probably far worse than the harm done to your eyes. (no joke intended.....)

Robin

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be. For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see, there will be an answer. let it be.

Wow my story is quite a lengthy one and I have been watching the threads and have finally decided I think I need to post as you all seem so helpful to one another and maybe just maybe I dont have to be alone in this!I am a 33 year old mom to 6 yes 6 wonderful boys (as if 6 wasnt shocking enough) my husband and I have been married 12 years..our kiddos range from 12 is our oldest to 4 and a half almost 5...I am a stay at home mom, we run a very very tight household and have a strict routine...I totally had it all figured out! UNTIL my 5th son Ashton started showing signs of very high hyper activity..Then at the age of 4 my youngest son suffered an accident that almost took his little life..Ashton is always escaping out of the house so we had to put locks on all the insides of the doors up high where he could not reach them, well one day I went out to do laundry (it was in our basement and we had to go outside to get to it) when I returned I

noticed that our dog was not by the door which led me to believe ashton had let him out or escaped (I could not lock the door as I would have been locked out) it was then I realized my then 2 year old son was missing to and I immediately went looking for them. We lived on a dead end road surrounded by elderly people...When I found ashton he was playing by the neighbors house and no Owen...I asked ashton where owen was and he looked and me and said straight faced "hes in the pond" There was a pond in between two houses far in the back across the street from us! I ran like I had never ran before to the pond only to find my baby face down floating...I jumped in and got him and he was blue, and not breathing! After running for help and my neighbor heard and called 911 I knew I had to do something and luckily had taken infant child cpr a year earlier for a dental office I worked for! My instincts kicked in and I started breaths and compressions....after 4

sets of breaths and compressions he coughed and started breathing! at that point the ambulance had shown up! Long story short he ended up being PERFECT no lung issues, chest x-ray clean and no neurological problems! He is my miracle baby! So at this point amongst all of the other questions I had I was then questionig why why...didnt ashton run home to tell me Owen had fallen in the water..all of my other kids at the age would have most def done just that! At my sons checkup with his pediatrician as I was telling him the story he stopped me mid sentence and said "Ashton saw it"? and I said yes and at that point he looked at me put his hand on my leg and said "we have a problem" a year later he had a diagnosis of ADHD and ODD and 4 months ago was Finally diagnosed with aspergers! (took us 8 months to get into a psychologist in our area) The last 2 years have been the worst and most hardest, trying, emotially draining, mentally exhausting years of

my life! I dont even know where to begin! He has been on 5 diff meds and we are finally on track to seeing therapists and counselors...my question is this.....Why as a parent can I not find that connection with him? he is self destructive, vindictive, at times scary, unmanagable, intolerable, and all around just difficult! He has sensory issues so he is not a cuddler but I am having the worst feeling a mother should NEVER have. When I look at him I see the chaos and craziness he has brought to our lives not just mine and my husbands but my other kids as well...They have missed out on SOOOO much as our day routine is around whether or not ashton is having a good day..if he is not I will not go out in public as I cannot control him! He runs off over every little thing and he is fast.. He will take off on me at a store and I cant catch him. He destroys everything of his brothers (wii games 4 in the last month) breaks his glasses when he is made, wont think

twice about grabbing a pen and wtriting all over the walls etc..I know he is different and I know I should not get mad at him as he does not understand however when he gets in trouble and I try to discipline him (which at this point dont have the slightest clue how as most methods with my other kids wont work) he looks at me and laughs this evil laugh! I cry myself to sleep and some mornings dont even want to face the day..the resentment in my house is sooo severe with his brothers its hard to take some days, however he is usually 99 percent of the time the root of the problem! I am suppose to be an advocate for him for school (which he gets sent home from at least 3 days a week and still after a year of me fighting tooth and nail not on an IEP) when I cannot control him myself...I am seriously at the end of my rope! I dont want to feel this way I want sooo badly to love him but at this point in time I am fighting with my emotions and most of it is

just sadness and anger. Is this normal and what do I do? I am trying to understand him but going from 5 boys to a child with his behaviorial issues and aspergers I am at a loss! I have read book after book but none tell me how to deal with this emotion..I know somewhere deep down I do love him, I am his mom I should love him and want to hold him and love on him however when he comes near me I dont even want to be in the same room as him! Please help me I need some sort of reassurance or direction! thank you soo much!!Raina

September 22, 2010

Raina,

You are not alone. We all struggle with the "chaos" that Aspergers brings to our lives. I often struggle with unloving feelings that I have for my daughter when she is upsetting her sister and have been known to call my mom to vent those feelings. It really helps me to have someone that I can trust to tell all the "yucky" feelings that I am having and empathize with the difficulty of parenting an Aspeger child. The one thing that has really helped me is to go in my daughter's room at night and watch her sleep. Her face is so sweet and I try to remember the good times.

Don't ever hesitate to post your feelings to get them out. There is no format so don't worry about your paragraphs.

I hope things get better for you!

Keep us posted.

Best Wishes,

Becky

From: Raina <my6lilguys@...> Sent: Wed, September 22, 2010 6:55:12 PMSubject: ( ) Newbie and need HELP!

Wow my story is quite a lengthy one and I have been watching the threads and have finally decided I think I need to post as you all seem so helpful to one another and maybe just maybe I dont have to be alone in this!I am a 33 year old mom to 6 yes 6 wonderful boys (as if 6 wasnt shocking enough) my husband and I have been married 12 years..our kiddos range from 12 is our oldest to 4 and a half almost 5...I am a stay at home mom, we run a very very tight household and have a strict routine...I totally had it all figured out! UNTIL my 5th son Ashton started showing signs of very high hyper activity..Then at the age of 4 my youngest son suffered an accident that almost took his little life..Ashton is always escaping out of the house so we had to put locks on all the insides of the doors up high where he could not reach them, well one day I went out to do laundry (it was in our basement and we had to go outside to get to it) when I returned I noticed

that our dog was not by the door which led me to believe ashton had let him out or escaped (I could not lock the door as I would have been locked out) it was then I realized my then 2 year old son was missing to and I immediately went looking for them. We lived on a dead end road surrounded by elderly people...When I found ashton he was playing by the neighbors house and no Owen...I asked ashton where owen was and he looked and me and said straight faced "hes in the pond" There was a pond in between two houses far in the back across the street from us! I ran like I had never ran before to the pond only to find my baby face down floating...I jumped in and got him and he was blue, and not breathing! After running for help and my neighbor heard and called 911 I knew I had to do something and luckily had taken infant child cpr a year earlier for a dental office I worked for! My instincts kicked in and I started breaths and compressions....after 4 sets of

breaths and compressions he coughed and started breathing! at that point the ambulance had shown up! Long story short he ended up being PERFECT no lung issues, chest x-ray clean and no neurological problems! He is my miracle baby! So at this point amongst all of the other questions I had I was then questionig why why...didnt ashton run home to tell me Owen had fallen in the water..all of my other kids at the age would have most def done just that! At my sons checkup with his pediatrician as I was telling him the story he stopped me mid sentence and said "Ashton saw it"? and I said yes and at that point he looked at me put his hand on my leg and said "we have a problem" a year later he had a diagnosis of ADHD and ODD and 4 months ago was Finally diagnosed with aspergers! (took us 8 months to get into a psychologist in our area) The last 2 years have been the worst and most hardest, trying, emotially draining, mentally exhausting years of my life!

I dont even know where to begin! He has been on 5 diff meds and we are finally on track to seeing therapists and counselors...my question is this.....Why as a parent can I not find that connection with him? he is self destructive, vindictive, at times scary, unmanagable, intolerable, and all around just difficult! He has sensory issues so he is not a cuddler but I am having the worst feeling a mother should NEVER have. When I look at him I see the chaos and craziness he has brought to our lives not just mine and my husbands but my other kids as well...They have missed out on SOOOO much as our day routine is around whether or not ashton is having a good day..if he is not I will not go out in public as I cannot control him! He runs off over every little thing and he is fast.. He will take off on me at a store and I cant catch him. He destroys everything of his brothers (wii games 4 in the last month) breaks his glasses when he is made, wont think twice

about grabbing a pen and wtriting all over the walls etc..I know he is different and I know I should not get mad at him as he does not understand however when he gets in trouble and I try to discipline him (which at this point dont have the slightest clue how as most methods with my other kids wont work) he looks at me and laughs this evil laugh! I cry myself to sleep and some mornings dont even want to face the day..the resentment in my house is sooo severe with his brothers its hard to take some days, however he is usually 99 percent of the time the root of the problem! I am suppose to be an advocate for him for school (which he gets sent home from at least 3 days a week and still after a year of me fighting tooth and nail not on an IEP) when I cannot control him myself...I am seriously at the end of my rope! I dont want to feel this way I want sooo badly to love him but at this point in time I am fighting with my emotions and most of it is just

sadness and anger. Is this normal and what do I do? I am trying to understand him but going from 5 boys to a child with his behaviorial issues and aspergers I am at a loss! I have read book after book but none tell me how to deal with this emotion..I know somewhere deep down I do love him, I am his mom I should love him and want to hold him and love on him however when he comes near me I dont even want to be in the same room as him! Please help me I need some sort of reassurance or direction! thank you soo much!!Raina

September 22, 2010

I agree, let's move on

From: and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...> Sent: Wed, September 22, 2010 7:55:35 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Newbie and need HELP!

Can I just say that whether it's hard on your eyes or anyone elses......kinda doesn't matter?We're a part of this group because of our kids...........

So,,,,,wow,,,,,,,,,if it's too much, just move on to the next post.

Please.

What you may have done to her when she was asking for help here - is probably far worse than the harm done to your eyes. (no joke intended.....)

Robin

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be. For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see, there will be an answer. let it be.

Wow my story is quite a lengthy one and I have been watching the threads and have finally decided I think I need to post as you all seem so helpful to one another and maybe just maybe I dont have to be alone in this!I am a 33 year old mom to 6 yes 6 wonderful boys (as if 6 wasnt shocking enough) my husband and I have been married 12 years..our kiddos range from 12 is our oldest to 4 and a half almost 5...I am a stay at home mom, we run a very very tight household and have a strict routine...I totally had it all figured out! UNTIL my 5th son Ashton started showing signs of very high hyper activity..Then at the age of 4 my youngest son suffered an accident that almost took his little life..Ashton is always escaping out of the house so we had to put locks on all the insides of the doors up high where he could not reach them, well one day I went out to do laundry (it was in our basement and we had to go outside to get to it) when I returned I

noticed that our dog was not by the door which led me to believe ashton had let him out or escaped (I could not lock the door as I would have been locked out) it was then I realized my then 2 year old son was missing to and I immediately went looking for them. We lived on a dead end road surrounded by elderly people...When I found ashton he was playing by the neighbors house and no Owen...I asked ashton where owen was and he looked and me and said straight faced "hes in the pond" There was a pond in between two houses far in the back across the street from us! I ran like I had never ran before to the pond only to find my baby face down floating...I jumped in and got him and he was blue, and not breathing! After running for help and my neighbor heard and called 911 I knew I had to do something and luckily had taken infant child cpr a year earlier for a dental office I worked for! My instincts kicked in and I started breaths and compressions....after 4

sets of breaths and compressions he coughed and started breathing! at that point the ambulance had shown up! Long story short he ended up being PERFECT no lung issues, chest x-ray clean and no neurological problems! He is my miracle baby! So at this point amongst all of the other questions I had I was then questionig why why...didnt ashton run home to tell me Owen had fallen in the water..all of my other kids at the age would have most def done just that! At my sons checkup with his pediatrician as I was telling him the story he stopped me mid sentence and said "Ashton saw it"? and I said yes and at that point he looked at me put his hand on my leg and said "we have a problem" a year later he had a diagnosis of ADHD and ODD and 4 months ago was Finally diagnosed with aspergers! (took us 8 months to get into a psychologist in our area) The last 2 years have been the worst and most hardest, trying, emotially draining, mentally exhausting years of

my life! I dont even know where to begin! He has been on 5 diff meds and we are finally on track to seeing therapists and counselors...my question is this.....Why as a parent can I not find that connection with him? he is self destructive, vindictive, at times scary, unmanagable, intolerable, and all around just difficult! He has sensory issues so he is not a cuddler but I am having the worst feeling a mother should NEVER have. When I look at him I see the chaos and craziness he has brought to our lives not just mine and my husbands but my other kids as well...They have missed out on SOOOO much as our day routine is around whether or not ashton is having a good day..if he is not I will not go out in public as I cannot control him! He runs off over every little thing and he is fast.. He will take off on me at a store and I cant catch him. He destroys everything of his brothers (wii games 4 in the last month) breaks his glasses when he is made, wont think

twice about grabbing a pen and wtriting all over the walls etc..I know he is different and I know I should not get mad at him as he does not understand however when he gets in trouble and I try to discipline him (which at this point dont have the slightest clue how as most methods with my other kids wont work) he looks at me and laughs this evil laugh! I cry myself to sleep and some mornings dont even want to face the day..the resentment in my house is sooo severe with his brothers its hard to take some days, however he is usually 99 percent of the time the root of the problem! I am suppose to be an advocate for him for school (which he gets sent home from at least 3 days a week and still after a year of me fighting tooth and nail not on an IEP) when I cannot control him myself...I am seriously at the end of my rope! I dont want to feel this way I want sooo badly to love him but at this point in time I am fighting with my emotions and most of it is

just sadness and anger. Is this normal and what do I do? I am trying to understand him but going from 5 boys to a child with his behaviorial issues and aspergers I am at a loss! I have read book after book but none tell me how to deal with this emotion..I know somewhere deep down I do love him, I am his mom I should love him and want to hold him and love on him however when he comes near me I dont even want to be in the same room as him! Please help me I need some sort of reassurance or direction! thank you soo much!!Raina

September 22, 2010

When someone is looking for help, the last thing they are thinking about is writing style. What is detracting from her post is your heartless comment.

From: <doyourecycle@...> Sent: Wed, September 22, 2010 8:41:50 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Newbie and need HELP!

Stop, I couldn't read her post it was just too hard on my eyes. Don't detract anymore from her post please.

On Wed, Sep 22, 2010 at 10:39 PM, <smacalli@...> wrote:

Seriously? She just poured her heart out here. You could've messaged her one on one with that request, you know.

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From: <doyourecycle@...>

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Date: Wed, 22 Sep 2010 21:43:38 -0400

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