Re: Questions from others... how to handle?

[Guest guest]

That's a really good question. My son's kindergarten teacher called him "quirky", this was before we knew about Aspergers. All I said back was, "yes he is unique isn't he". This same kindergarten teacher said he has never seen a kid like Dylan in all his 15 years of teaching. That made me feel alone and horrible.

I don't have many friends but I do have relatives who ask a whole bunch of questions about Dylans behaviour, that it makes me feel like a horrible Mom. I see all the other little boys doing all the normal things and I feel out of it. That's why I so much want a support group.

I guess to answer your question, I would say, "Dylans going through some issues right now that we need to pass by his ped. Don't worry, it's being dealt with" and try to change the subject. Start talking about their children and how wonderful they are and they will be quiet about yours.

Since I am new to this maybe someone else with more experience can better help you, but you are not alone.

Cathleen

From: Sandy SANDIA <ssandiacr@...>Aspergers Treatment Sent: Mon, September 20, 2010 9:38:53 AMSubject: ( ) Questions from others... how to handle?

Hi All!I want to keep my 3 year old son's AS confidential to others, but they always would ask me... why he does not talk? why he does not eat anything like we do? why is he so introverted? why does he cry while among noisy tons of people? What you do? Let's say it is with co-workers or old "friend" you have not seen in a long time and they suddently come to your house. I am not interested in having friends (maybe I am AS too, lol) but I can not stand all those questions. I would love to say: :"non of your business. LOL" Obviously I can't. Any suggestions?Thanks soooo much

[Guest guest]

Hi Sandy,

I also have not yet told anyone else that my son has AS. I haven't even told my husband. When anyone asks a question about my child's "odd" behavior, I just say, "he's unique." The end. Now, with my husband, who is pretty much clueless, ... he has asked a couple times if something was "normal" and I said, "no. He's not an average child, he is unique."

That's all I say, so far. WOW -- my husband just walked through the room as I'm typing this. That was close!

-- (mom of 4yo Aspergian)

From: Sandy SANDIA <ssandiacr@...>Subject: ( ) Questions from others... how to handle?Aspergers Treatment Date: Monday, September 20, 2010, 12:38 PM

Hi All!I want to keep my 3 year old son's AS confidential to others, but they always would ask me... why he does not talk? why he does not eat anything like we do? why is he so introverted? why does he cry while among noisy tons of people? What you do? Let's say it is with co-workers or old "friend" you have not seen in a long time and they suddently come to your house. I am not interested in having friends (maybe I am AS too, lol) but I can not stand all those questions. I would love to say: :"non of your business. LOL" Obviously I can't. Any suggestions?Thanks soooo much

[Guest guest]

,

Can I ask why you haven't told you hubb?

Robin

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree, there will be an answer, let it be. For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see, there will be an answer. let it be.

From: Sandy SANDIA <ssandiacr@...>Subject: ( ) Questions from others... how to handle?Aspergers Treatment Date: Monday, September 20, 2010, 12:38 PM

Hi All!I want to keep my 3 year old son's AS confidential to others, but they always would ask me... why he does not talk? why he does not eat anything like we do? why is he so introverted? why does he cry while among noisy tons of people? What you do? Let's say it is with co-workers or old "friend" you have not seen in a long time and they suddently come to your house. I am not interested in having friends (maybe I am AS too, lol) but I can not stand all those questions. I would love to say: :"non of your business. LOL" Obviously I can't. Any suggestions?Thanks soooo much

[Guest guest]

Thank so much for risking your self to reply!!! your answer has been of great help!Sandy From: lpmfdm@...Date: Sat, 25 Sep 2010 16:26:28 -0700Subject: Re: ( ) Questions from others... how to handle?

Hi Sandy,

I also have not yet told anyone else that my son has AS. I haven't even told my husband. When anyone asks a question about my child's "odd" behavior, I just say, "he's unique." The end. Now, with my husband, who is pretty much clueless, ... he has asked a couple times if something was "normal" and I said, "no. He's not an average child, he is unique."

That's all I say, so far. WOW -- my husband just walked through the room as I'm typing this. That was close!

-- (mom of 4yo Aspergian)

From: Sandy SANDIA <ssandiacr@...>Subject: ( ) Questions from others... how to handle?Aspergers Treatment Date: Monday, September 20, 2010, 12:38 PM

Hi All!I want to keep my 3 year old son's AS confidential to others, but they always would ask me... why he does not talk? why he does not eat anything like we do? why is he so introverted? why does he cry while among noisy tons of people? What you do? Let's say it is with co-workers or old "friend" you have not seen in a long time and they suddently come to your house. I am not interested in having friends (maybe I am AS too, lol) but I can not stand all those questions. I would love to say: :"non of your business. LOL" Obviously I can't. Any suggestions?Thanks soooo much

[Guest guest]

Sure... Hubby has some good points, and lots of bad points. There are two reasons I don't want to tell hubby:

#1 -- hubby cannot keep his mouth shut about ANYthing. Ever. As soon as I mention "Asperger Syndrome," he will be telling everyone in his path, " thinks our son has Aspergers." And then all of his family and everyone in "Grandpa"s neighborhood (where we spend 4 days per week) will be whispering & gossiping about my child, and "what's wrong with him" right in front of my child. I really don't want that stuff to start. I don't want my child to be labeled, or hear everyone talking about him like that. He's only 4. I know he'll hear it some time, but I don't really want it to start this early.

#2 -- hubby is extremely judgmental, and seriously looks waaaaay down his nose at people (especially children) with "flaws." I have heard my husband say really nasty things about children with disabilities before. Nasty nasty things. I don't want him to disconnect from our child, or not be a decent father to our son.

I have been seriously contemplating divorce for the past year, but have not done it because I believe it will be devastating to my child.

From: and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Questions from others... how to handle? Date: Sunday, September 26, 2010, 4:38 PM

,

Can I ask why you haven't told you hubb?

[Guest guest]

,

I think you should give your husband a chance to step up here. If he doesn't know, he's not going to change his behavior. Maybe you should look into family counseling as well, it is stressful on a marriage to have an AS child. There may be specific things your husband can do to help your son, if he knows and is given guidance. I think this is important, especially if you want to keep your marriage together for your son's sake.

And in my case, I don't care who knows my son has Asperger's. In fact, I prefer they do know. People are still going to be talking about your son and your parenting because he is different, right? I'm sure the relatives have noticed already. At least this way there is a reason for his behavior and you can say you are working on it. Just my opinion, I know we all have our own journeys here!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Questions from others... how to handle? Date: Sunday, September 26, 2010, 4:38 PM

,

Can I ask why you haven't told you hubb?

[Guest guest]

, why are you hiding this from your own husband???? Your son needs all the support he can get, especially when he enters school (which I assume will be next fall?). AS is not a dirty secret, it is a condition. From: lpmfdm@...Date: Sat, 25 Sep 2010 16:26:28 -0700Subject: Re: ( ) Questions from others... how to handle?

Hi Sandy,

I also have not yet told anyone else that my son has AS. I haven't even told my husband. When anyone asks a question about my child's "odd" behavior, I just say, "he's unique." The end. Now, with my husband, who is pretty much clueless, ... he has asked a couple times if something was "normal" and I said, "no. He's not an average child, he is unique."

That's all I say, so far. WOW -- my husband just walked through the room as I'm typing this. That was close!

-- (mom of 4yo Aspergian)

From: Sandy SANDIA <ssandiacr@...>Subject: ( ) Questions from others... how to handle?Aspergers Treatment Date: Monday, September 20, 2010, 12:38 PM

Hi All!I want to keep my 3 year old son's AS confidential to others, but they always would ask me... why he does not talk? why he does not eat anything like we do? why is he so introverted? why does he cry while among noisy tons of people? What you do? Let's say it is with co-workers or old "friend" you have not seen in a long time and they suddently come to your house. I am not interested in having friends (maybe I am AS too, lol) but I can not stand all those questions. I would love to say: :"non of your business. LOL" Obviously I can't. Any suggestions?Thanks soooo much

[Guest guest]

well put, Suzanne. That is exactly how I feel. It's like I can say "I know you think my kid is weird. She's not, she just has AS."I'm sorry , I don't know you well, but I find it disturbing that you see this as a shameful secret From: suzmarkwood@...Date: Tue, 28 Sep 2010 06:11:44 -0700Subject: Re: ( ) Questions from others... how to handle?

,

I think you should give your husband a chance to step up here. If he doesn't know, he's not going to change his behavior. Maybe you should look into family counseling as well, it is stressful on a marriage to have an AS child. There may be specific things your husband can do to help your son, if he knows and is given guidance. I think this is important, especially if you want to keep your marriage together for your son's sake.

And in my case, I don't care who knows my son has Asperger's. In fact, I prefer they do know. People are still going to be talking about your son and your parenting because he is different, right? I'm sure the relatives have noticed already. At least this way there is a reason for his behavior and you can say you are working on it. Just my opinion, I know we all have our own journeys here!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Questions from others... how to handle? Date: Sunday, September 26, 2010, 4:38 PM

,

Can I ask why you haven't told you hubb?

[Guest guest]

I do NOT see Asperger's as a shameful secret. I am simply trying to protect my son from people who DO think it's something to be ashamed of. My child is currently happy as a lark, and oblivious to the stupidity and prejudice around him. I just want to keep it that way as long as possible.

And thanks for your gentle input, Suzanne. :-)

--

From: McCullough <lpmfdm@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Questions from others... how to handle? Date: Monday, September 27, 2010, 2:22 PM

[Guest guest]

A simple answer is " Oh he has issues with noise, we are working on

that " or " He has issues in crowds we are working on that " ..

Pam

>

>

> Hi All!

>

> I want to keep my 3 year old son's AS confidential to others, but they always

would ask me... why he does not talk? why he does not eat anything like we do?

why is he so introverted? why does he cry while among noisy tons of people? What

you do? Let's say it is with co-workers or old " friend " you have not seen in a

long time and they suddently come to your house. I am not interested in having

friends (maybe I am AS too, lol) but I can not stand all those questions. I

would love to say: : " non of your business. LOL " Obviously I can't. Any

suggestions?

> Thanks soooo much

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Pam!Great answer! ty :)Sandy From: susanonderko@...Date: Thu, 30 Sep 2010 20:14:24 +0000Subject: ( ) Re: Questions from others... how to handle?

A simple answer is "Oh he has issues with noise, we are working on

that" or "He has issues in crowds we are working on that" ..

Pam

>

>

> Hi All!

>

> I want to keep my 3 year old son's AS confidential to others, but they always would ask me... why he does not talk? why he does not eat anything like we do? why is he so introverted? why does he cry while among noisy tons of people? What you do? Let's say it is with co-workers or old "friend" you have not seen in a long time and they suddently come to your house. I am not interested in having friends (maybe I am AS too, lol) but I can not stand all those questions. I would love to say: :"non of your business. LOL" Obviously I can't. Any suggestions?

> Thanks soooo much

>

[Guest guest]

I guess I just try to look at it as a chance to educate people about the facts about AS From: lpmfdm@...Date: Wed, 29 Sep 2010 13:48:55 -0700Subject: RE: ( ) Questions from others... how to handle?

I do NOT see Asperger's as a shameful secret. I am simply trying to protect my son from people who DO think it's something to be ashamed of. My child is currently happy as a lark, and oblivious to the stupidity and prejudice around him. I just want to keep it that way as long as possible.

And thanks for your gentle input, Suzanne. :-)

--

From: McCullough <lpmfdm@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Questions from others... how to handle? Date: Monday, September 27, 2010, 2:22 PM

[Guest guest]

You just say, "That's the way he is." or "He just doesn't like loud noises." I wouldn't feel the need to expand on that unless you want to share his dx. I don't like to have to tell people things that are none of their business either. But I would not think saying, "He has autism" as a big deal to me personally. I understand not everyone will feel the same way. So if you don't wish to say, "it's autism" or "It's AS", then just say something neutral like, "Because he is that way" and they will hopefully soon stop asking. I think saying, "It's autism" is better because it will probably shut them up right away and prevent further questions.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Questions from others... how to handle?

Hi All!

I want to keep my 3 year old son's AS confidential to others, but they always would ask me... why he does not talk? why he does not eat anything like we do? why is he so introverted? why does he cry while among noisy tons of people? What you do? Let's say it is with co-workers or old "friend" you have not seen in a long time and they suddently come to your house. I am not interested in having friends (maybe I am AS too, lol) but I can not stand all those questions. I would love to say: :"non of your business. LOL" Obviously I can't. Any suggestions?

Thanks soooo much