Re: In-laws just left

[Guest guest]

Kind of know how you feel.

My father who is impatient to say the least was like, "Whats wrong with that boy he just says the same stuff over and over..." Not that my dad who is getting a bit cenial doesn't . Then its, "There's nothing wrong with him......etc....etc..." It took a while for us to convince them he was different. My mom and sister were the first on board. Now my Dad thinks he's going to be Einstein. He's also got to a point where he doesn't take everything personal that my son says, "I don't like this food" ,etc... My father is actually good for my son when he isn't irritable. If he is irritable I try to keep them apart cause my son certainly can deal with the verbal assualts that my dad is famous for.

My mom is helpful but doesn't spend much time with him instead focusing on the middle child which is good too for obvious reasons. My In-laws an the otherhand are great. They were a bit sceptical I think at first but they are on board. More importantly they really just accept him for who he is. Something I need help on at times. They just go with the flow which is really really good.

From reading the description of your situation sounds like you've got an uphill battle. I'd just start quietly poing out the tendancies and symptoms and then after a while they'll start to realize that its not a one time behavior. If they don't visit often then they might not ever come to grips with it. Remember too that our little Aspies are all that different which is a big part of the problem when it comes to their social interaction. People don't see them as different or having a social deficit so they aren't forgiving of the odd behaviors and reactions. Its too bad it really is that as a society we are so danged hard on each other.

If they don't see you much I wouldn't obsess about it as it doesn't really matter what they believe. If they do come often I'm sure over time they will overcome their denial.

From: <jenuhferr@...>Subject: ( ) In-laws just left Date: Sunday, October 24, 2010, 2:38 PM

Argh!!! If my in laws say ONE MORE TIME 'oh every kid this age does that' I will SCREAM. It took all of my willpower today to bite my tongue after listening to it all weekend. They've been visiting since Friday and I love them so much... Hubby's Mom is more like my Mom than my Mom ever was! His Dad is a bit... well, tough but not macho if that makes any sense. Belittles illness and denial is almost his middle name I guess. At least my Mom who is insane and self absorbed accepts that my daughter has Asperger's and actually reads things or see things and recognizes that our daughter is JUST LIKE THAT Asperger's person/kid that her co-worker described, etc.It's just so disheartening. I mean, do they think I get some sick enjoyment having a kid with Asperger's? Like I'm getting some yummy attention or sympathy? (Quite the opposite as I'm sure you know.) It's not like my daughter doesn't show her

stuff when they're here but I guess denial is just sooo strong???I was just so tempted to jump up and say "You know what? You're right!! She isn't Autistic at ALL. I should call her developmental pediatricians, speech therapists, special ed teacher and all the other therapists and teachers she has had over the years who say she is on the Spectrum and tell them that THEY are ALL WRONG and YOU'RE RIGHT!!"JenLymie parents, 5yo Lymie/Aspie

[Guest guest]

I know what you mean. With me it's my own Dad. ne

From: <jenuhferr@...>Subject: ( ) In-laws just left Date: Sunday, October 24, 2010, 2:38 PM

Argh!!! If my in laws say ONE MORE TIME 'oh every kid this age does that' I will SCREAM. It took all of my willpower today to bite my tongue after listening to it all weekend. They've been visiting since Friday and I love them so much... Hubby's Mom is more like my Mom than my Mom ever was! His Dad is a bit... well, tough but not macho if that makes any sense. Belittles illness and denial is almost his middle name I guess. At least my Mom who is insane and self absorbed accepts that my daughter has Asperger's and actually reads things or see things and recognizes that our daughter is JUST LIKE THAT Asperger's person/kid that her co-worker described, etc.It's just so disheartening. I mean, do they think I get some sick enjoyment having a kid with Asperger's? Like I'm getting some yummy attention or sympathy? (Quite the opposite as I'm sure you know.) It's not like my daughter doesn't show her

stuff when they're here but I guess denial is just sooo strong???I was just so tempted to jump up and say "You know what? You're right!! She isn't Autistic at ALL. I should call her developmental pediatricians, speech therapists, special ed teacher and all the other therapists and teachers she has had over the years who say she is on the Spectrum and tell them that THEY are ALL WRONG and YOU'RE RIGHT!!"JenLymie parents, 5yo Lymie/Aspie

[Guest guest]

My Mother in Law is the same way. Of course, we think she has it too. But she will deny

that anything is wrong with any of "her kids and that they were all healthy kids." The problem comes from my side of the family.

Anyway, this weekend I took a quiz on Facebook http://apps.facebook.com/autismspectrumtest/?ref=mf and made my hubby and kid do it. They scored way up in the chart for Austim and Asperger's. We talked about it as a family and my son actually acknowledge the things he does.

Don't let it bother you.

Ide

From: susanne hansen <s_hansen34@...> Sent: Sun, October 24, 2010 8:19:27 PMSubject: Re: ( ) In-laws just left

I know what you mean. With me it's my own Dad. ne

From: <jenuhferr@...>Subject: ( ) In-laws just left Date: Sunday, October 24, 2010, 2:38 PM

Argh!!! If my in laws say ONE MORE TIME 'oh every kid this age does that' I will SCREAM. It took all of my willpower today to bite my tongue after listening to it all weekend. They've been visiting since Friday and I love them so much... Hubby's Mom is more like my Mom than my Mom ever was! His Dad is a bit... well, tough but not macho if that makes any sense. Belittles illness and denial is almost his middle name I guess. At least my Mom who is insane and self absorbed accepts that my daughter has Asperger's and actually reads things or see things and recognizes that our daughter is JUST LIKE THAT Asperger's person/kid that her co-worker described, etc.It's just so disheartening. I mean, do they think I get some sick enjoyment having a kid with Asperger's? Like I'm getting some yummy attention or sympathy? (Quite the opposite as I'm sure you know.) It's not like my daughter doesn't show her

stuff when they're here but I guess denial is just sooo strong???I was just so tempted to jump up and say "You know what? You're right!! She isn't Autistic at ALL. I should call her developmental pediatricians, speech therapists, special ed teacher and all the other therapists and teachers she has had over the years who say she is on the Spectrum and tell them that THEY are ALL WRONG and YOU'RE RIGHT!!"JenLymie parents, 5yo Lymie/Aspie

[Guest guest]

Hi I have simalar situation wither my boyfriend father I understand how u feelSent via BlackBerry from T-MobileFrom: "Southard Engineering, Inc." <southardengineering@...>Sender: Date: Sun, 24 Oct 2010 14:10:57 -0700 (PDT)< >Reply Subject: Re: ( ) In-laws just left Kind of know how you feel. My father who is impatient to say the least was like, "Whats wrong with that boy he just says the same stuff over and over..." Not that my dad who is getting a bit cenial doesn't . Then its, "There's nothing wrong with him......etc....etc..." It took a while for us to convince them he was different. My mom and sister were the first on board. Now my Dad thinks he's going to be Einstein. He's also got to a point where he doesn't take everything personal that my son says, "I don't like this food" ,etc... My father is actually good for my son when he isn't irritable. If he is irritable I try to keep them apart cause my son certainly can deal with the verbal assualts that my dad is famous for. My mom is helpful but doesn't spend much time with him instead focusing on the middle child which is good too for obvious reasons. My In-laws an the otherhand are great. They were a bit sceptical I think at first but they are on board. More importantly they really just accept him for who he is. Something I need help on at times. They just go with the flow which is really really good. From reading the description of your situation sounds like you've got an uphill battle. I'd just start quietly poing out the tendancies and symptoms and then after a while they'll start to realize that its not a one time behavior. If they don't visit often then they might not ever come to grips with it. Remember too that our little Aspies are all that different which is a big part of the problem when it comes to their social interaction. People don't see them as different or having a social deficit so they aren't forgiving of the odd behaviors and reactions. Its too bad it really is that as a society we are so danged hard on each other. If they don't see you much I wouldn't obsess about it as it doesn't really matter what they believe. If they do come often I'm sure over time they will overcome their denial. From: <jenuhferr@...>Subject: ( ) In-laws just left Date: Sunday, October 24, 2010, 2:38 PM Argh!!! If my in laws say ONE MORE TIME 'oh every kid this age does that' I will SCREAM. It took all of my willpower today to bite my tongue after listening to it all weekend. They've been visiting since Friday and I love them so much... Hubby's Mom is more like my Mom than my Mom ever was! His Dad is a bit... well, tough but not macho if that makes any sense. Belittles illness and denial is almost his middle name I guess. At least my Mom who is insane and self absorbed accepts that my daughter has Asperger's and actually reads things or see things and recognizes that our daughter is JUST LIKE THAT Asperger's person/kid that her co-worker described, etc.It's just so disheartening. I mean, do they think I get some sick enjoyment having a kid with Asperger's? Like I'm getting some yummy attention or sympathy? (Quite the opposite as I'm sure you know.) It's not like my daughter doesn't show herstuff when they're here but I guess denial is just sooo strong???I was just so tempted to jump up and say "You know what? You're right!! She isn't Autistic at ALL. I should call her developmental pediatricians, speech therapists, special ed teacher and all the other therapists and teachers she has had over the years who say she is on the Spectrum and tell them that THEY are ALL WRONG and YOU'RE RIGHT!!"JenLymie parents, 5yo Lymie/Aspie

[Guest guest]

It is hard, but people see what they want to see. Of course, your daughter has some characteristics that other kids her age have. But I'm sure she has them in the extreme. And as she gets older, it will become more obvious, if those behaviors continue while other kids grow out of them. In the meantime, you just keep doing what is best for your daughter like you are.

Dealing with relatives is always stressful, my inlaws don't really understand, my father-in-law even teases my son and calls him "" sometimes, meaning Monk from the TV show, when he is being picky and stubborn. They don't understand everything, but they do love my son and the more people he can have in his life that love him, the better. So I bite my tongue too sometimes, I think we all have to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: <jenuhferr@...>Subject: ( ) In-laws just left Date: Sunday, October 24, 2010, 11:38 AM

Argh!!! If my in laws say ONE MORE TIME 'oh every kid this age does that' I will SCREAM. It took all of my willpower today to bite my tongue after listening to it all weekend. They've been visiting since Friday and I love them so much... Hubby's Mom is more like my Mom than my Mom ever was! His Dad is a bit... well, tough but not macho if that makes any sense. Belittles illness and denial is almost his middle name I guess. At least my Mom who is insane and self absorbed accepts that my daughter has Asperger's and actually reads things or see things and recognizes that our daughter is JUST LIKE THAT Asperger's person/kid that her co-worker described, etc.It's just so disheartening. I mean, do they think I get some sick enjoyment having a kid with Asperger's? Like I'm getting some yummy attention or sympathy? (Quite the opposite as I'm sure you know.) It's not like my daughter doesn't show her

stuff when they're here but I guess denial is just sooo strong???I was just so tempted to jump up and say "You know what? You're right!! She isn't Autistic at ALL. I should call her developmental pediatricians, speech therapists, special ed teacher and all the other therapists and teachers she has had over the years who say she is on the Spectrum and tell them that THEY are ALL WRONG and YOU'RE RIGHT!!"JenLymie parents, 5yo Lymie/Aspie

[Guest guest]

We went through this same thing with my in-laws and with my own father as well. With my in-laws, it was denial. They wanted to believe there was not a problem and so they'd say things like that to us all the time in their attempt to make it so. We went through this for years really. Finally, we just started dousing them with the word "autism." Every time he did something odd, we'd point it out and say, "This is autism." or "He does that because he's autistic." They would still argue back some. They'd say, "Oh, all kids that age..." and I would say, "No, that isn't true actually...Most kids do not spend four hours stacking coins and it's not a sign he will be good with money someday." lol. Eventually, they stopped and started to accept that he was autistic. But we really had to push the word.

With my dad, it was more personal. He didn't see that there were problems because he had the same problems. lol. If my ds would not wear clothes, he hated wearing clothes too - so that wasn't a big deal, right? It was harder with him in some ways because he did not see some of his sensory issues as problems - just the way he was. And he had learned to cope with himself and his special needs. But my ds was a lot worse and was not coping. So I explained that to him. I don't know if he ever appreciated it. He had faith that my ds would do fine eventually. I wasn't always so sure. lol.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) In-laws just left

Argh!!! If my in laws say ONE MORE TIME 'oh every kid this age does

that' I will SCREAM. It took all of my willpower today to bite my tongue

after listening to it all weekend. They've been visiting since Friday

and I love them so much... Hubby's Mom is more like my Mom than my Mom

ever was! His Dad is a bit... well, tough but not macho if that makes

any sense. Belittles illness and denial is almost his middle name I

guess. At least my Mom who is insane and self absorbed accepts that my

daughter has Asperger's and actually reads things or see things and

recognizes that our daughter is JUST LIKE THAT Asperger's person/kid

that her co-worker described, etc.

It's just so disheartening. I mean, do they think I get some sick

enjoyment having a kid with Asperger's? Like I'm getting some yummy

attention or sympathy? (Quite the opposite as I'm sure you know.) It's

not like my daughter doesn't show her stuff when they're here but I

guess denial is just sooo strong???

I was just so tempted to jump up and say "You know what? You're right!!

She isn't Autistic at ALL. I should call her developmental

pediatricians, speech therapists, special ed teacher and all the other

therapists and teachers she has had over the years who say she is on the

Spectrum and tell them that THEY are ALL WRONG and YOU'RE RIGHT!!"

Jen

Lymie parents, 5yo Lymie/Aspie

[Guest guest]

Don't you wish we COULD just that that at least ONCE with someone - LOL! Thanks it lightened up my morning just imagining it!Marilyn in MOMom of 14 1/2 yr aspie, FAE and other initials:

I was just so tempted to jump up and say "You know what? You're right!!

She isn't Autistic at ALL. I should call her developmental

pediatricians, speech therapists, special ed teacher and all the other

therapists and teachers she has had over the years who say she is on the

Spectrum and tell them that THEY are ALL WRONG and YOU'RE RIGHT!!"

Jen

Lymie parents, 5yo Lymie/Aspie

[Guest guest]

Yeah, that souned like me with my husband at the beginning of all of my dd tests. He kept saying that nothing was wrong with her and she's just like all of the other kids. Heck, he didn't even want to accept that she has ADHD. I did say about the same thing, yeah your right and there all wrong and they all don't know what there talking about. When my husband got a new job, he was talking to a co-worker whose son has AS, and after hearing about his co-worker's son issues, my husband finally came around and accepted that we have a dd with Aspies. Ugh, they are so frustrating!!!, (husband more than the kids sometimes, lol).

-

From: Marilyn Whitfield <whitfieldmimar@...>Subject: Re: ( ) In-laws just left Date: Monday, November 8, 2010, 9:52 AM

Don't you wish we COULD just that that at least ONCE with someone - LOL! Thanks it lightened up my morning just imagining it!

Marilyn in MO

Mom of 14 1/2 yr aspie, FAE and other initials:

I was just so tempted to jump up and say "You know what? You're right!! She isn't Autistic at ALL. I should call her developmental pediatricians, speech therapists, special ed teacher and all the other therapists and teachers she has had over the years who say she is on the Spectrum and tell them that THEY are ALL WRONG and YOU'RE RIGHT!!"JenLymie parents, 5yo Lymie/Aspie

[Guest guest]

Dear Marilyn,

I know that some people, have a hard time understanding how our children areAnd they are looking for a way of cure or fix them. But there have people like them over the centuries. They were thought of odd, strange, werid. off beat. But they hear a different drum and process things differently. But God make no JUNK, so if they could walk a day in our shoes, and be in their heads, maybe they would think differently

In God's Peace

Edna Gillam.

On Mon, 11/8/10, Marilyn Whitfield <whitfieldmimar@...> wrote:

From: Marilyn Whitfield <whitfieldmimar@...>Subject: Re: ( ) In-laws just left Date: Monday, November 8, 2010, 9:52 AM

Don't you wish we COULD just that that at least ONCE with someone - LOL! Thanks it lightened up my morning just imagining it!

Marilyn in MO

Mom of 14 1/2 yr aspie, FAE and other initials:

I was just so tempted to jump up and say "You know what? You're right!! She isn't Autistic at ALL. I should call her developmental pediatricians, speech therapists, special ed teacher and all the other therapists and teachers she has had over the years who say she is on the Spectrum and tell them that THEY are ALL WRONG and YOU'RE RIGHT!!"JenLymie parents, 5yo Lymie/Aspie