Re: AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

April 1, 2011

Jan I guess the first step is to try to get him stabilized

emotionally.

Then if he is open to counseling by you or a therapist to way

slow down on dating. How you will accomplish this I am not sure.

He really needs to learn the social rules step by step.

Is he hard to control? Oppostional? Would he agree to changes such as no dating

only belonging to teen groups at church or any

other place (our YMCA has teen night on Friday's)

Does he have by any chance bipolar disorder and AS? I ask because

he is old enough to be interested in girls but often AS

kids are developmentally delayed. The intense interests in girls

and then depressed thoughts of killing himself is a wide swing.

I don't know what school options you have. My daughter's school

is for kids with learning issues and some AS kids. The teens

are taken bowling, have clubs but there are no dances and

the teens are closely supervised. One boy said something to

my daughter (13 years old) and she didn't get it fully,

I told the director of the school and they talked it over with the

boy, had him apologize and in there social skills group

the therapist talks to the girls (boys are separate) weekly

about puberty issues. I think this has been really helpful to

have a peer group and to go over these problems.

As you said he is very depressed, so that needs to be address

and the possiblity of a mood disorder. Hopefully if he is

emotionally more stable you will find a very supportive

teen group to help him cope with puberty.

And last if there are some rules you can explore with a therapist

that would help your son be more controlled and exposured

to dating in a way he can cope with. If there is any way

to find a college student to act as his aid and mentor weekly

it could also be helpful if the goals are very specific.

Best of luck to you and your son,

Pam

>

> Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My

son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very

high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and teachers

all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there.

>

> The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls are

big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said she

didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and said

she wanted to go out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a

girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of control. In fact, I got a call from

his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl

would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this.

He asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and

asked for a kiss. He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can

not handle it.

>

> I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15

lbs. and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2 " tall. He is on medicine..prozac

for depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He

shuts himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over.

>

> The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for

him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the

psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday.

>

> I don't think my son has the filters to deal with everything going on in

school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his

ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.

>

> It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!

> help

>

> jan

>

April 1, 2011

I called his therapist and he will see my son 2x a week ...we have an appt. on Monday. I am going to call this Psychiatrist and try to get him in on an emergency basis. My son thinks he is bipolar? I had asked his therpist this and he didn't think so. I don't think my son truely means he will kill himself...but is saying it in hopes the girl will go out with him. He doesn't even realize how socially inappropriate it is. I think he choses the wrong group of kids to hang with and I think he still carries a lot of pain he endured of bullying when he was younger. There is so much he never tells me. I tried to comfort him and patted him on the leg..and he pulled away and said...I hate being touched. I knew he didn't like his hair touched...but now I can't even pat his leg. He wants to fit in so badly and I think that is why he wants a girlfriend.

We did have a college kid stay with us over Christmas and Thanksgiving. He may stay the summer...but I am not so sure this kid is the best influence on my son. This boy seems to "use" girls and I think he is too much into sex although he is very into sports too. I have to think this one thru....

This is so difficult to endure...the pain is great...it is overwhelming and I can't even hug him and tell him it will be okay!

j

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Pamela <susanonderko@...> Sent: Fri, April 1, 2011 8:14:09 PMSubject: ( ) Re: AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

Jan I guess the first step is to try to get him stabilized emotionally. Then if he is open to counseling by you or a therapist to way slow down on dating. How you will accomplish this I am not sure.He really needs to learn the social rules step by step. Is he hard to control? Oppostional? Would he agree to changes such as no dating only belonging to teen groups at church or anyother place (our YMCA has teen night on Friday's) Does he have by any chance bipolar disorder and AS? I ask becausehe is old enough to be interested in girls but often ASkids are developmentally delayed. The intense interests in girlsand then depressed thoughts of killing himself is a wide swing.I don't know what school options you have. My daughter's schoolis for kids with learning issues and some AS kids. The teensare taken bowling, have clubs but there are no dances andthe teens are closely

supervised. One boy said something to my daughter (13 years old) and she didn't get it fully,I told the director of the school and they talked it over with the boy, had him apologize and in there social skills groupthe therapist talks to the girls (boys are separate) weeklyabout puberty issues. I think this has been really helpful to have a peer group and to go over these problems. As you said he is very depressed, so that needs to be addressand the possiblity of a mood disorder. Hopefully if he is emotionally more stable you will find a very supportiveteen group to help him cope with puberty. And last if there are some rules you can explore with a therapistthat would help your son be more controlled and exposuredto dating in a way he can cope with. If there is any wayto find a college student to act as his aid and mentor weeklyit could also be helpful if the goals are very specific.

Best of luck to you and your son,Pam >> Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and teachers all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there. > > The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls are big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said she didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and said she wanted to go out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of

control. In fact, I got a call from his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this. He asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and asked for a kiss. He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can not handle it. > > I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15 lbs. and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2" tall. He is on medicine..prozac for depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He shuts himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over. > > The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday. > > I don't think my son has the filters

to deal with everything going on in school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.> > It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!> help> > jan>

April 1, 2011

The good news is that your son tried to form a relationship,

now how to build skills and cope with frustration ...

You sound like you are on the right path with the therapist

and the pschiatrist.

If you have time to read there is " Preparing for Life " by Jed Baker this is a

workbook for AS kids. There are 1-2 pages on various topics for high school kids

with AS. Here are a few topics ...

topic 47 " getting attention in a positive way "

topic 50 " Reading the signals --when to pursue a romantic relationship "

There is also Gutstein's book on Relationship Development Intervention

with Children, Adolescents and Adults (with AS). This book is very detailed and

very specific on how to relate better to

others, and this book is sectioned by the social development level someone is

at. This book has so much it is harder for me to

determine where to start.

I hope your son's mood improves soon.

Of the two books Jed Baker's book is easier to read and practice

the skill right away with your son.

Pam

> >

> > Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My

> >son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very

> >high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and

teachers

> >all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there.

> >

> > The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls

are

> >big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said

she

> >didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and

said

> >she wanted to go out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a

> >girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of control. In fact, I got a call from

> >his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl

> >would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this.

He

> >asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and

asked

> >for a kiss. He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can not

> >handle it.

> >

> > I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15

lbs.

> >and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2 " tall. He is on medicine..prozac for

> >depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He

shuts

> >himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over.

> >

> > The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for

> >him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the

> >psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday.

> >

> > I don't think my son has the filters to deal with everything going on in

> >school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his

> >ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.

> >

> > It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!

> > help

> >

> > jan

> >

>

April 2, 2011

I know exactly how you feel. My daughter used to pull away from me if I ever was to go to her and comfort her when she was hurt and crying. Thank God she is so much better now. I do see a big difference when she has days or weeks off from school. She is so much happier and loving.

She is wanting to go to the career center next year to be a vet, if it wasn't for that, I would take her out of school and virtual school her.

We have such difficult choices to make and all while our hearts are breaking for this children.

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger Date: Friday, April 1, 2011, 9:53 PM

I called his therapist and he will see my son 2x a week ...we have an appt. on Monday. I am going to call this Psychiatrist and try to get him in on an emergency basis. My son thinks he is bipolar? I had asked his therpist this and he didn't think so. I don't think my son truely means he will kill himself...but is saying it in hopes the girl will go out with him. He doesn't even realize how socially inappropriate it is. I think he choses the wrong group of kids to hang with and I think he still carries a lot of pain he endured of bullying when he was younger. There is so much he never tells me. I tried to comfort him and patted him on the leg..and he pulled away and said...I hate being touched. I knew he didn't like his hair touched...but now I can't even pat his leg. He wants to fit in so badly and I think that is why he wants a girlfriend.

We did have a college kid stay with us over Christmas and Thanksgiving. He may stay the summer...but I am not so sure this kid is the best influence on my son. This boy seems to "use" girls and I think he is too much into sex although he is very into sports too. I have to think this one thru....

This is so difficult to endure...the pain is great...it is overwhelming and I can't even hug him and tell him it will be okay!

j

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Pamela <susanonderko@...> Sent: Fri, April 1, 2011 8:14:09 PMSubject: ( ) Re: AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

Jan I guess the first step is to try to get him stabilized emotionally. Then if he is open to counseling by you or a therapist to way slow down on dating. How you will accomplish this I am not sure.He really needs to learn the social rules step by step. Is he hard to control? Oppostional? Would he agree to changes such as no dating only belonging to teen groups at church or anyother place (our YMCA has teen night on Friday's) Does he have by any chance bipolar disorder and AS? I ask becausehe is old enough to be interested in girls but often ASkids are developmentally delayed. The intense interests in girlsand then depressed thoughts of killing himself is a wide swing.I don't know what school options you have. My daughter's schoolis for kids with learning issues and some AS kids. The teensare taken bowling, have clubs but there are no dances andthe teens are closely

supervised. One boy said something to my daughter (13 years old) and she didn't get it fully,I told the director of the school and they talked it over with the boy, had him apologize and in there social skills groupthe therapist talks to the girls (boys are separate) weeklyabout puberty issues. I think this has been really helpful to have a peer group and to go over these problems. As you said he is very depressed, so that needs to be addressand the possiblity of a mood disorder. Hopefully if he is emotionally more stable you will find a very supportiveteen group to help him cope with puberty. And last if there are some rules you can explore with a therapistthat would help your son be more controlled and exposuredto dating in a way he can cope with. If there is any wayto find a college student to act as his aid and mentor weeklyit could also be helpful if the goals are very specific.

Best of luck to you and your son,Pam >> Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and teachers all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there. > > The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls are big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said she didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and said she wanted to go out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a

girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of control. In fact, I got a call from his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this. He asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and asked for a kiss. He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can not handle it. > > I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15 lbs. and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2" tall. He is on medicine..prozac for depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He shuts himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over. > > The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday. >

> I don't think my son has the filters to deal with everything going on in school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.> > It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!> help> > jan>

April 2, 2011

Yes, he did ...but the bad new is that girls are playing him...leading him on. They are a big tease. He is hurting so badly. One girl he really liked played him and now she spreads rumors about him and everytime he tries to go out with a girl ...she gets involved. The girls don't understand my son and my son doesn't understand them. They all dress so provocative and are so misleading. At times I didn't think my son has AS but now with all the social stuff and girl..I see how he is not fitting in, not reading them as they think, and his filters are definitely off. He really gets angry...almost violent...and that is what truly frightens me.

I have a lot of thinking to do...and need to talk to the psychologist. And, my husband, doesn't get all of this either. He didn't want to hopitalize him....he is afraid we will lose him altogether. But, I feel we have lost him already. He won't talk to us...shuts himself up in his room...

I will check out the books...but I know he won't work with me on them.

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Pamela <susanonderko@...> Sent: Fri, April 1, 2011 11:13:16 PMSubject: ( ) Re: AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

The good news is that your son tried to form a relationship, now how to build skills and cope with frustration ...You sound like you are on the right path with the therapist and the pschiatrist. If you have time to read there is "Preparing for Life" by Jed Baker this is a workbook for AS kids. There are 1-2 pages on various topics for high school kids with AS. Here are a few topics ...topic 47 "getting attention in a positive way"topic 50 "Reading the signals --when to pursue a romantic relationship" There is also Gutstein's book on Relationship Development Intervention with Children, Adolescents and Adults (with AS). This book is very detailed and very specific on how to relate better to others, and this book is sectioned by the social development level someone is at. This book has so much it is harder for me to determine where to start. I hope your son's mood improves soon. Of the

two books Jed Baker's book is easier to read and practicethe skill right away with your son. Pam > >> > Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My > >son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very > >high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and teachers > >all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there. > >> > > > The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls are > >big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said she > >didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and said > >she wanted to go

out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a > >girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of control. In fact, I got a call from > >his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl > >would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this. He > >asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and asked > >for a kiss. He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can not > >handle it. > >> > > > I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15 lbs. > >and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2" tall. He is on medicine..prozac for > >depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He shuts > >himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over. > >> > >

> The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for > >him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the > >psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday. > >> > > > I don't think my son has the filters to deal with everything going on in > >school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his > >ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.> > > > It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!> > help> > > > jan> >>

April 2, 2011

I can totally relate to what you are going thru. My son had an incident last

year with a girl at school. The girl was nice to my son but had no interest in

dating him. All year her friends had been encouraging my son on how to do stuff

to get the girl to date him. In the end there was an inappropriate incident -

nothing major but enough to get my son in trouble. Of course, the girls did not

get into trouble. Luckily I had emails documenting my concern over the girls

" encouragement " of my son so I was able to prove that they were not blameless.

My son was barred from talking to the girls anymore. When the girls kept talking

to him and getting him in trouble the school finally barred the girls from

talking to him. (**SIGH**What took them so long?!) We also bought my son the

book " A 5 is Against the Law-Social Boundries Straight Up. " It's aimed at teens

& young adults who aren't very socially aware.

As to the depression, I highly recommend having your son talk to a counselor

outside of school. It has helped my son tremendously.

Caroline

> > >

> > > Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help.

My

>

> > >son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is

very

>

> > >high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and

> >teachers

> >

> > >all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there.

> > >

> > > The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls

are

> >

> > >big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said

> >she

> >

> > >didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and

> >said

> >

> > >she wanted to go out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants

a

> > >girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of control. In fact, I got a call

from

>

> > >his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the

girl

> > >would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like

this.

> >He

> >

> > >asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and

> >asked

> >

> > >for a kiss. He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can

not

> > >handle it.

> > >

> > > I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15

> >lbs.

> >

> > >and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2 " tall. He is on medicine..prozac

for

> > >depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He

shuts

> >

> > >himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over.

> > >

> > > The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for

> > >him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the

> > >psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday.

> > >

> > > I don't think my son has the filters to deal with everything going on in

> > >school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his

> > >ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.

> > >

> > > It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!

> > > help

> > >

> > > jan

> > >

> >

>

April 3, 2011

It is kind of ironic that the school teachers don't "see" the AS in your ds, yet they all see the problems he is having. Kind of want to tell them to add 2 + 2 here.

He needs help with social skills and not just a cursory "say thank you when someone gets you a present" kind of help. You can go to michelle winner's website and she has some interesting stuff for teen aged kids.

I once attended a conference where they explained how/why social skills don't stick as well with these kids. I can't remember where I heard it and who said it, though. The point was that sometimes these kids don't make an imprint of social situations with which to reference future experiences. So each time something happened, it was happening for "the first time" - or felt that way. This causes problems with social relationships because they don't have the references to fall back on for experiences. All those "lessons" as a child for dealing with people, other kids, teasing, sharing, having a crush, etc. These lessons were not learned and built upon over time so that by the time the kid is a teen, they are capable of handling more intense relationship issues. They have the "background" experience to cushion these things and help them cope. But kids with autism do not always generalize well and this includes social lessons, especially if they are getting the wrong information from a social experience than the average kids are getting to begin with. Then they don't use that lesson for future encounters. The skills he needs as a teen are much more complex than when he was navigating kindergarten or even 3rd grade.

Anyway, that was theory I remember. Wish I could remember who gave that talk. If I think of it, I will post. But anyway, he really needs a lot of help with socialization. Also, I think it's really "nice" (read: SARCASM!) of the school to tell you he can't come back without a doctor's note when they are not able to control the kids who are teasing him into such a state. Boy!

You should read that book by E.C. Bernard from the list, too --> "Four Minutes a day". You can find it on amazon.com . It would really be great if the school would put that program in place for your ds to help him cope during the unstructured times. Also, I like the idea because it can help him start to make some friends who may help stick up for him or help him sort things out.

Roxanna

May those who love us, love us

And those who don't love us,

May God turn their hearts

And if he can't turn their hearts,

May he turn their ankles

So we will know them by their limping!

( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and teachers all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there.

The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls are big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said she didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and said she wanted to go out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of control. In fact, I got a call from his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this. He asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and asked for a kiss. He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can not handle it.

I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15 lbs. and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2" tall. He is on medicine..prozac for depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He shuts himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over.

The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday.

I don't think my son has the filters to deal with everything going on in school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.

It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!

help

jan

April 4, 2011

Roxanna,

You are so brillant in the area of AS. I am going to print your post and keep it by my bedside. I am also going to reword it and send it to the Assistant Principal and Superintendent of Sped. You explain the situation exactly!!!!!! Thank you!!!

I will check out the book! I am always looking for good information...

Thanks! You are "Wonder Woman" in my eyes. And, I will always and forever be greatful for your knowledge which you share with all of us!

j

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Sun, April 3, 2011 7:47:35 PMSubject: Re: ( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

It is kind of ironic that the school teachers don't "see" the AS in your ds, yet they all see the problems he is having. Kind of want to tell them to add 2 + 2 here.He needs help with social skills and not just a cursory "say thank you when someone gets you a present" kind of help. You can go to michelle winner's website and she has some interesting stuff for teen aged kids. I once attended a conference where they explained how/why social skills don't stick as well with these kids. I can't remember where I heard it and who said it, though. The point was that sometimes these kids don't make an imprint of social situations with which to reference future experiences. So each time something happened, it

was happening for "the first time" - or felt that way. This causes problems with social relationships because they don't have the references to fall back on for experiences. All those "lessons" as a child for dealing with people, other kids, teasing, sharing, having a crush, etc. These lessons were not learned and built upon over time so that by the time the kid is a teen, they are capable of handling more intense relationship issues. They have the "background" experience to cushion these things and help them cope. But kids with autism do not always generalize well and this includes social lessons, especially if they are getting the wrong information from a social experience than the average kids are getting to begin with. Then they don't use that lesson for future encounters. The skills he needs as a teen are much more complex than when he was navigating kindergarten or even 3rd grade. Anyway,

that was theory I remember. Wish I could remember who gave that talk. If I think of it, I will post. But anyway, he really needs a lot of help with socialization. Also, I think it's really "nice" (read: SARCASM!) of the school to tell you he can't come back without a doctor's note when they are not able to control the kids who are teasing him into such a state. Boy! You should read that book by E.C. Bernard from the list, too --> "Four Minutes a day". You can find it on amazon.com . It would really be great if the school would put that program in place for your ds to help him cope during the unstructured times. Also, I like the idea because it can help him start to make some friends who may help stick up for him or help him sort things out.

RoxannaMay those who love us, love usAnd those who don't love us,May God turn their heartsAnd if he can't turn their hearts,May he turn their anklesSo we will know them by their limping!

( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and teachers all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there. The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls are big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said she didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and said she wanted to go out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of control. In fact, I got a call from his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this. He asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and asked for a kiss.

He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can not handle it. I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15 lbs. and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2" tall. He is on medicine..prozac for depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He shuts himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over. The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday. I don't think my son has the filters to deal with everything going on in school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!helpjan

April 4, 2011

Roxanna and everyone,

The school called for an emergency meeting tomorrow. The case manager, Spec.Ed. supervior, the psychologist, the Assistant Principal, my son's reading teacher will all be there. I am truly please at how concerned and caring they have been and are not looking at him as a "bad" kid but as a child that needs help and help NOW.

I am bring your post with me so that I can explain how he is not getting it socially. I will also bring up the the book you mentioned...Just 4 minutes a day. If he isn't qualified for Speech (social skills training)...his wonderful reading teacher said she would work with him in this area. This woman is very experencied and he gets along with her so well.

I will keep you all posted. I am praying all is goes well for my son. He truly has me concerned.

j

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Sun, April 3, 2011 7:47:35 PMSubject: Re: ( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

It is kind of ironic that the school teachers don't "see" the AS in your ds, yet they all see the problems he is having. Kind of want to tell them to add 2 + 2 here.He needs help with social skills and not just a cursory "say thank you when someone gets you a present" kind of help. You can go to michelle winner's website and she has some interesting stuff for teen aged kids. I once attended a conference where they explained how/why social skills don't stick as well with these kids. I can't remember where I heard it and who said it, though. The point was that sometimes these kids don't make an imprint of social situations with which to reference future experiences. So each time something happened, it

was happening for "the first time" - or felt that way. This causes problems with social relationships because they don't have the references to fall back on for experiences. All those "lessons" as a child for dealing with people, other kids, teasing, sharing, having a crush, etc. These lessons were not learned and built upon over time so that by the time the kid is a teen, they are capable of handling more intense relationship issues. They have the "background" experience to cushion these things and help them cope. But kids with autism do not always generalize well and this includes social lessons, especially if they are getting the wrong information from a social experience than the average kids are getting to begin with. Then they don't use that lesson for future encounters. The skills he needs as a teen are much more complex than when he was navigating kindergarten or even 3rd grade. Anyway,

that was theory I remember. Wish I could remember who gave that talk. If I think of it, I will post. But anyway, he really needs a lot of help with socialization. Also, I think it's really "nice" (read: SARCASM!) of the school to tell you he can't come back without a doctor's note when they are not able to control the kids who are teasing him into such a state. Boy! You should read that book by E.C. Bernard from the list, too --> "Four Minutes a day". You can find it on amazon.com . It would really be great if the school would put that program in place for your ds to help him cope during the unstructured times. Also, I like the idea because it can help him start to make some friends who may help stick up for him or help him sort things out.

RoxannaMay those who love us, love usAnd those who don't love us,May God turn their heartsAnd if he can't turn their hearts,May he turn their anklesSo we will know them by their limping!

( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and teachers all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there. The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls are big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said she didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and said she wanted to go out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of control. In fact, I got a call from his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this. He asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and asked for a kiss.

He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can not handle it. I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15 lbs. and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2" tall. He is on medicine..prozac for depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He shuts himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over. The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday. I don't think my son has the filters to deal with everything going on in school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!helpjan

Ro

April 4, 2011

Hugs to you, Jan.

You're a great mom......your son is a great boy. The school is willing to work with you. It will all work out.......it may take a while, right? But.....things will be okay.

(Please remind me of this the next time I'm crying and losing it, okay?)

Again....hugs to you and "here's" to a good meeting tomorrow!!!!

Robin

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...>Subject: Re: ( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger Date: Monday, April 4, 2011, 6:50 PM

Roxanna and everyone,

The school called for an emergency meeting tomorrow. The case manager, Spec.Ed. supervior, the psychologist, the Assistant Principal, my son's reading teacher will all be there. I am truly please at how concerned and caring they have been and are not looking at him as a "bad" kid but as a child that needs help and help NOW.

I am bring your post with me so that I can explain how he is not getting it socially. I will also bring up the the book you mentioned...Just 4 minutes a day. If he isn't qualified for Speech (social skills training)...his wonderful reading teacher said she would work with him in this area. This woman is very experencied and he gets along with her so well.

I will keep you all posted. I am praying all is goes well for my son. He truly has me concerned.

j

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Sun, April 3, 2011 7:47:35 PMSubject: Re: ( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

It is kind of ironic that the school teachers don't "see" the AS in your ds, yet they all see the problems he is having. Kind of want to tell them to add 2 + 2 here.He needs help with social skills and not just a cursory "say thank you when someone gets you a present" kind of help. You can go to michelle winner's website and she has some interesting stuff for teen aged kids. I once attended a conference where they explained how/why social skills don't stick as well with these kids. I can't remember where I heard it and who said it, though. The point was that sometimes these kids don't make an imprint of social situations with which to reference future experiences. So each time something

happened, it was happening for "the first time" - or felt that way. This causes problems with social relationships because they don't have the references to fall back on for experiences. All those "lessons" as a child for dealing with people, other kids, teasing, sharing, having a crush, etc. These lessons were not learned and built upon over time so that by the time the kid is a teen, they are capable of handling more intense relationship issues. They have the "background" experience to cushion these things and help them cope. But kids with autism do not always generalize well and this includes social lessons, especially if they are getting the wrong information from a social experience than the average kids are getting to begin with. Then they don't use that lesson for future encounters. The skills he needs as a teen are much more complex than when he was navigating kindergarten or even 3rd grade.

Anyway, that was theory I remember. Wish I could remember who gave that talk. If I think of it, I will post. But anyway, he really needs a lot of help with socialization. Also, I think it's really "nice" (read: SARCASM!) of the school to tell you he can't come back without a doctor's note when they are not able to control the kids who are teasing him into such a state. Boy! You should read that book by E.C. Bernard from the list, too --> "Four Minutes a day". You can find it on amazon.com . It would really be great if the school would put that program in place for your ds to help him cope during the unstructured times. Also, I like the idea because it can help him start to make some friends who may help stick up for him or help him sort things out.

RoxannaMay those who love us, love usAnd those who don't love us,May God turn their heartsAnd if he can't turn their hearts,May he turn their anklesSo we will know them by their limping!

( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and teachers all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there. The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls are big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said she didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and said she wanted to go out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of control. In fact, I got a call from his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this. He asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and asked for a kiss.

He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can not handle it. I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15 lbs. and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2" tall. He is on medicine..prozac for depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He shuts himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over. The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday. I don't think my son has the filters to deal with everything going on in school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!helpjan

Ro

April 4, 2011

Hugs to you, Jan.

You're a great mom......your son is a great boy. The school is willing to work with you. It will all work out.......it may take a while, right? But.....things will be okay.

(Please remind me of this the next time I'm crying and losing it, okay?)

Again....hugs to you and "here's" to a good meeting tomorrow!!!!

Robin

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...>Subject: Re: ( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger Date: Monday, April 4, 2011, 6:50 PM

Roxanna and everyone,

The school called for an emergency meeting tomorrow. The case manager, Spec.Ed. supervior, the psychologist, the Assistant Principal, my son's reading teacher will all be there. I am truly please at how concerned and caring they have been and are not looking at him as a "bad" kid but as a child that needs help and help NOW.

I am bring your post with me so that I can explain how he is not getting it socially. I will also bring up the the book you mentioned...Just 4 minutes a day. If he isn't qualified for Speech (social skills training)...his wonderful reading teacher said she would work with him in this area. This woman is very experencied and he gets along with her so well.

I will keep you all posted. I am praying all is goes well for my son. He truly has me concerned.

j

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Sun, April 3, 2011 7:47:35 PMSubject: Re: ( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

It is kind of ironic that the school teachers don't "see" the AS in your ds, yet they all see the problems he is having. Kind of want to tell them to add 2 + 2 here.He needs help with social skills and not just a cursory "say thank you when someone gets you a present" kind of help. You can go to michelle winner's website and she has some interesting stuff for teen aged kids. I once attended a conference where they explained how/why social skills don't stick as well with these kids. I can't remember where I heard it and who said it, though. The point was that sometimes these kids don't make an imprint of social situations with which to reference future experiences. So each time something

happened, it was happening for "the first time" - or felt that way. This causes problems with social relationships because they don't have the references to fall back on for experiences. All those "lessons" as a child for dealing with people, other kids, teasing, sharing, having a crush, etc. These lessons were not learned and built upon over time so that by the time the kid is a teen, they are capable of handling more intense relationship issues. They have the "background" experience to cushion these things and help them cope. But kids with autism do not always generalize well and this includes social lessons, especially if they are getting the wrong information from a social experience than the average kids are getting to begin with. Then they don't use that lesson for future encounters. The skills he needs as a teen are much more complex than when he was navigating kindergarten or even 3rd grade.

Anyway, that was theory I remember. Wish I could remember who gave that talk. If I think of it, I will post. But anyway, he really needs a lot of help with socialization. Also, I think it's really "nice" (read: SARCASM!) of the school to tell you he can't come back without a doctor's note when they are not able to control the kids who are teasing him into such a state. Boy! You should read that book by E.C. Bernard from the list, too --> "Four Minutes a day". You can find it on amazon.com . It would really be great if the school would put that program in place for your ds to help him cope during the unstructured times. Also, I like the idea because it can help him start to make some friends who may help stick up for him or help him sort things out.

RoxannaMay those who love us, love usAnd those who don't love us,May God turn their heartsAnd if he can't turn their hearts,May he turn their anklesSo we will know them by their limping!

( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and teachers all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there. The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls are big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said she didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and said she wanted to go out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of control. In fact, I got a call from his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this. He asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and asked for a kiss.

He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can not handle it. I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15 lbs. and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2" tall. He is on medicine..prozac for depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He shuts himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over. The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday. I don't think my son has the filters to deal with everything going on in school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!helpjan

Ro

April 5, 2011

bring someone with you and record it if you can - if not ask the person you bring to take notes for you

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...> Sent: Mon, April 4, 2011 6:50:54 PMSubject: Re: ( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

Roxanna and everyone,

The school called for an emergency meeting tomorrow. The case manager, Spec.Ed. supervior, the psychologist, the Assistant Principal, my son's reading teacher will all be there. I am truly please at how concerned and caring they have been and are not looking at him as a "bad" kid but as a child that needs help and help NOW.

I am bring your post with me so that I can explain how he is not getting it socially. I will also bring up the the book you mentioned...Just 4 minutes a day. If he isn't qualified for Speech (social skills training)...his wonderful reading teacher said she would work with him in this area. This woman is very experencied and he gets along with her so well.

I will keep you all posted. I am praying all is goes well for my son. He truly has me concerned.

j

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Sun, April 3, 2011 7:47:35 PMSubject: Re: ( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

It is kind of ironic that the school teachers don't "see" the AS in your ds, yet they all see the problems he is having. Kind of want to tell them to add 2 + 2 here.He needs help with social skills and not just a cursory "say thank you when someone gets you a present" kind of help. You can go to michelle winner's website and she has some interesting stuff for teen aged kids. I once attended a conference where they explained how/why social skills don't stick as well with these kids. I can't remember where I heard it and who said it, though. The point was that sometimes these kids don't make an imprint of social situations with which to reference future experiences. So each time something happened, it

was happening for "the first time" - or felt that way. This causes problems with social relationships because they don't have the references to fall back on for experiences. All those "lessons" as a child for dealing with people, other kids, teasing, sharing, having a crush, etc. These lessons were not learned and built upon over time so that by the time the kid is a teen, they are capable of handling more intense relationship issues. They have the "background" experience to cushion these things and help them cope. But kids with autism do not always generalize well and this includes social lessons, especially if they are getting the wrong information from a social experience than the average kids are getting to begin with. Then they don't use that lesson for future encounters. The skills he needs as a teen are much more complex than when he was navigating kindergarten or even 3rd grade. Anyway,

that was theory I remember. Wish I could remember who gave that talk. If I think of it, I will post. But anyway, he really needs a lot of help with socialization. Also, I think it's really "nice" (read: SARCASM!) of the school to tell you he can't come back without a doctor's note when they are not able to control the kids who are teasing him into such a state. Boy! You should read that book by E.C. Bernard from the list, too --> "Four Minutes a day". You can find it on amazon.com . It would really be great if the school would put that program in place for your ds to help him cope during the unstructured times. Also, I like the idea because it can help him start to make some friends who may help stick up for him or help him sort things out.

RoxannaMay those who love us, love usAnd those who don't love us,May God turn their heartsAnd if he can't turn their hearts,May he turn their anklesSo we will know them by their limping!

( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and teachers all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there. The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls are big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said she didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and said she wanted to go out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of control. In fact, I got a call from his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this. He asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and asked for a kiss.

He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can not handle it. I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15 lbs. and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2" tall. He is on medicine..prozac for depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He shuts himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over. The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday. I don't think my son has the filters to deal with everything going on in school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!helpjan

Ro

April 5, 2011

Robin,

I truly try and it really hurts when your child says he despises you....but I have to remember that he really doesn't...he is just angry. He is angry because he has AS, he is angry because I have shortened his leash and I am in "his business". But I really have to be.

The meeting went well. His guidance counselor said I really knew my stuff and that I was "right on"! I had a "me proud" moment. The school is really concerned for him ....the reading teacher and Asst. Principal really see how down hill he has gotten this 2nd half of the year. He has gotten in more trouble because he doesn't get all the social cue and the girls are so "dramatic" . The girls also send him mixed messages...giving hugs, calling him babe, wearing sexy outfits.

Pretty much of all this social drama happens at lunch or in the halls. So we came up with a temporary plan...since he never eats lunch anyways...he is going to go to his old casemanager's room and he can listen quietly to his Ipod and he can put his head down and take a nap if need be. If there is one more incident, then they will have him leave classes 2 min. early and walk to his next class before everyone else so that he is not in the hallways.

I am getting him re-evaluated by a new psychiatrist and have his meds. checked. I am also getting the wrap around services back in action where he would be a Behavior Specialist, Mobile therapist and a TSS at home.

We took his phone (I broke it) and locked him off Facebook and let me tell you ...he is such a different kid.

I will keep you all posted. I thank all of you. We are such a great group and everyone is so supporting. I know I could not be where I am today without all of you.

j

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...> Sent: Mon, April 4, 2011 11:17:34 PMSubject: Re: ( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

Hugs to you, Jan.

You're a great mom......your son is a great boy. The school is willing to work with you. It will all work out.......it may take a while, right? But.....things will be okay.

(Please remind me of this the next time I'm crying and losing it, okay?)

Again....hugs to you and "here's" to a good meeting tomorrow!!!!

Robin

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...>Subject: Re: ( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger Date: Monday, April 4, 2011, 6:50 PM

Roxanna and everyone,

The school called for an emergency meeting tomorrow. The case manager, Spec.Ed. supervior, the psychologist, the Assistant Principal, my son's reading teacher will all be there. I am truly please at how concerned and caring they have been and are not looking at him as a "bad" kid but as a child that needs help and help NOW.

I am bring your post with me so that I can explain how he is not getting it socially. I will also bring up the the book you mentioned...Just 4 minutes a day. If he isn't qualified for Speech (social skills training)...his wonderful reading teacher said she would work with him in this area. This woman is very experencied and he gets along with her so well.

I will keep you all posted. I am praying all is goes well for my son. He truly has me concerned.

j

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Sun, April 3, 2011 7:47:35 PMSubject: Re: ( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

It is kind of ironic that the school teachers don't "see" the AS in your ds, yet they all see the problems he is having. Kind of want to tell them to add 2 + 2 here.He needs help with social skills and not just a cursory "say thank you when someone gets you a present" kind of help. You can go to michelle winner's website and she has some interesting stuff for teen aged kids. I once attended a conference where they explained how/why social skills don't stick as well with these kids. I can't remember where I heard it and who said it, though. The point was that sometimes these kids don't make an imprint of social situations with which to reference future experiences. So each time something

happened, it was happening for "the first time" - or felt that way. This causes problems with social relationships because they don't have the references to fall back on for experiences. All those "lessons" as a child for dealing with people, other kids, teasing, sharing, having a crush, etc. These lessons were not learned and built upon over time so that by the time the kid is a teen, they are capable of handling more intense relationship issues. They have the "background" experience to cushion these things and help them cope. But kids with autism do not always generalize well and this includes social lessons, especially if they are getting the wrong information from a social experience than the average kids are getting to begin with. Then they don't use that lesson for future encounters. The skills he needs as a teen are much more complex than when he was navigating kindergarten or even 3rd grade.

Anyway, that was theory I remember. Wish I could remember who gave that talk. If I think of it, I will post. But anyway, he really needs a lot of help with socialization. Also, I think it's really "nice" (read: SARCASM!) of the school to tell you he can't come back without a doctor's note when they are not able to control the kids who are teasing him into such a state. Boy! You should read that book by E.C. Bernard from the list, too --> "Four Minutes a day". You can find it on amazon.com . It would really be great if the school would put that program in place for your ds to help him cope during the unstructured times. Also, I like the idea because it can help him start to make some friends who may help stick up for him or help him sort things out.

RoxannaMay those who love us, love usAnd those who don't love us,May God turn their heartsAnd if he can't turn their hearts,May he turn their anklesSo we will know them by their limping!

( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and teachers all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there. The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls are big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said she didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and said she wanted to go out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of control. In fact, I got a call from his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this. He asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and asked for a kiss.

He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can not handle it. I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15 lbs. and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2" tall. He is on medicine..prozac for depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He shuts himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over. The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday. I don't think my son has the filters to deal with everything going on in school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!helpjan

Ro

April 5, 2011

Oh Jan,

I'm glad it went well at the meeting. I'm impressed that you used to have, and plan on havng those supports at home again. I never did any of that. Makes me wonder if I should have.

It's so hard. Seeing WHY our kids act as they do. Knowing that other "normal" kids don't act that way. Wanting to protect and give reasons WHY our kids are behaving the way that they are.......and yet understanding why the rest of the world doesn't want to put up with their "crap".

Seeing that our kids HAVE to learn to follow the rules of the world. But.....wanting them to get the acceptance and understanding of everyone so that their "journey" is easier is a necessity. Ugh.....

At times, I get so confused. I wonder what kids like our kids did when we were in school!!

Were there any? Were they just kids that stuck to themselves or were they the ones at the end of the hall in their own classrooms? Were they picked on? Or were there no kids like ours 20-40 years ago?

I think they were there........and they didn't have any "dx"........and they didn't fit. Sadly. But.......did they make it and are they functioning adults today?

Do the dx's hurt them in the long run? Ugh. I know they don't hurt.....but I wonder sometimes if our fighting for them to get acceptance is good for them.Cause, I'll tell you what......my son get's very little in modifications for homework. Yeah,,,,he get's reminders to get it to class. Gets it written down in a book so that it gets home. But.....academically,,,,he's pretty good.

Socially.....having a dx hasn't helped him have friends or even want them. He feels like social skills class is stupid and that the teacher just wants him to not like himself the way he is. When I listen to his reasoning and as he tells me he likes himself, I get where he's coming from.

So.......all these struggles.....ugh. Makes me so confused.

I've SOOOOO rambled. And I'm actually thinking of not sending this......but I just want you to know that I feel your frustration and concern and sadness and uncertainty. Sigh.....

Robin the rambler.

From: rushen janice <jrushen@...>Subject: Re: ( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger Date: Monday, April 4, 2011, 6:50 PM

Roxanna and everyone,

The school called for an emergency meeting tomorrow. The case manager, Spec.Ed. supervior, the psychologist, the Assistant Principal, my son's reading teacher will all be there. I am truly please at how concerned and caring they have been and are not looking at him as a "bad" kid but as a child that needs help and help NOW.

I am bring your post with me so that I can explain how he is not getting it socially. I will also bring up the the book you mentioned...Just 4 minutes a day. If he isn't qualified for Speech (social skills training)...his wonderful reading teacher said she would work with him in this area. This woman is very experencied and he gets along with her so well.

I will keep you all posted. I am praying all is goes well for my son. He truly has me concerned.

j

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> Sent: Sun, April 3, 2011 7:47:35 PMSubject: Re: ( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

It is kind of ironic that the school teachers don't "see" the AS in your ds, yet they all see the problems he is having. Kind of want to tell them to add 2 + 2 here.He needs help with social skills and not just a cursory "say thank you when someone gets you a present" kind of help. You can go to michelle winner's website and she has some interesting stuff for teen aged kids. I once attended a conference where they explained how/why social skills don't stick as well with these kids. I can't remember where I heard it and who said it, though. The point was that sometimes these kids don't make an imprint of social situations with which to reference future experiences. So each time something

happened, it was happening for "the first time" - or felt that way. This causes problems with social relationships because they don't have the references to fall back on for experiences. All those "lessons" as a child for dealing with people, other kids, teasing, sharing, having a crush, etc. These lessons were not learned and built upon over time so that by the time the kid is a teen, they are capable of handling more intense relationship issues. They have the "background" experience to cushion these things and help them cope. But kids with autism do not always generalize well and this includes social lessons, especially if they are getting the wrong information from a social experience than the average kids are getting to begin with. Then they don't use that lesson for future encounters. The skills he needs as a teen are much more complex than when he was navigating kindergarten or even 3rd grade.

Anyway, that was theory I remember. Wish I could remember who gave that talk. If I think of it, I will post. But anyway, he really needs a lot of help with socialization. Also, I think it's really "nice" (read: SARCASM!) of the school to tell you he can't come back without a doctor's note when they are not able to control the kids who are teasing him into such a state. Boy! You should read that book by E.C. Bernard from the list, too --> "Four Minutes a day". You can find it on amazon.com . It would really be great if the school would put that program in place for your ds to help him cope during the unstructured times. Also, I like the idea because it can help him start to make some friends who may help stick up for him or help him sort things out.

RoxannaMay those who love us, love usAnd those who don't love us,May God turn their heartsAnd if he can't turn their hearts,May he turn their anklesSo we will know them by their limping!

( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and teachers all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there. The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls are big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said she didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and said she wanted to go out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of control. In fact, I got a call from his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this. He asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and asked for a kiss.

He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can not handle it. I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15 lbs. and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2" tall. He is on medicine..prozac for depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He shuts himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over. The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday. I don't think my son has the filters to deal with everything going on in school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!helpjan

Ro

April 6, 2011

Jan, that's so sweet of you to say about me. But I just get crazy when they pick on our kids! lol.

What gets me is how the teachers all can see there is a problem but they are not going to attribute that problem to having AS. Well, welcome to the wonderful world of an AS teen! Regular Teen hood is a hard enough experience for "normal" kids. Add kids who have problems understanding the social world and it's four times more difficult to maneuver through it. some of these kids just seem to understand enough that they know what they are missing out on and they WANT THAT! It makes perfect sense to me. Many times, these kids will say things dramatically like, "I'm going to kill you" or "I'm going to kill myself" because they know this is going to get attention - not because they mean it literally. They feel like it's the end of the world because they don't have the social skill background experiences to support themselves with emotionally. Obviously, people can't take these words lightly, of course! But it would be my wish that people could see it for what it is and help him fit in and not just chuck him out of school or tell him to up his prozac. Fix the actual cause, I mean!

And also, they need to deal with these kids who think it's funny to set him up to fail. How really mean of them!

I also was thinking, I noticed a big change in middle school with my older ds when they had an in-service with all the kids on what HFA and AS are. They had a few of the AS kids speak but also showed a video I think and the consultant did a talk. Our autism consultant set it all up. I noticed after that that a number of kids were making an effort to say "hi" to my ds when they saw him. He was never named specifically in the talk and I don't think he attended it either. But kids put it together just fine and it helped him. That might help your ds if kids understand what AS/HFA is and others may help stick up for him?

Roxanna

May those who love us, love us

And those who don't love us,

May God turn their hearts

And if he can't turn their hearts,

May he turn their ankles

So we will know them by their limping!

( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and teachers all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there.

The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls are big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said she didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and said she wanted to go out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of control. In fact, I got a call from his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this. He asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and asked for a kiss.

He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can not handle it.

I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15 lbs. and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2" tall. He is on medicine..prozac for depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He shuts himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over.

The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday.

I don't think my son has the filters to deal with everything going on in school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.

It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!

help

jan

April 6, 2011

Jan, you might consider documenting everything. Keep a diary and jot down what you find out. Each time your ds tells you something about what those girls are doing, jot it down with a date. If you can't "prove" they are doing it, you can still establish that "SOMETHING" is going on here and encourage a teacher or counselor to keep a close watch on this to see what's happening. It might get the ball rolling.

Roxanna

May those who love us, love us

And those who don't love us,

May God turn their hearts

And if he can't turn their hearts,

May he turn their ankles

So we will know them by their limping!

( ) Re: AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

The good news is that your son tried to form a relationship,

now how to build skills and cope with frustration ...

You sound like you are on the right path with the therapist

and the pschiatrist.

If you have time to read there is "Preparing for Life" by Jed Baker this is a workbook for AS kids. There are 1-2 pages on various topics for high school kids with AS. Here are a few topics ...

topic 47 "getting attention in a positive way"

topic 50 "Reading the signals --when to pursue a romantic relationship"

There is also Gutstein's book on Relationship Development Intervention with Children, Adolescents and Adults (with AS). This book is very detailed and very specific on how to relate better to

others, and this book is sectioned by the social development level someone is at. This book has so much it is harder for me to

determine where to start.

I hope your son's mood improves soon.

Of the

two books Jed Baker's book is easier to read and practice

the skill right away with your son.

Pam

> >

> > Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My

> >son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very

> >high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and teachers

> >all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there.

> >

> > The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls are

> >big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said she

> >didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and said

> >she wanted to go

out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a

> >girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of control. In fact, I got a call from

> >his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl

> >would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this. He

> >asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and asked

> >for a kiss. He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can not

> >handle it.

> >

> > I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15 lbs.

> >and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2" tall. He is on medicine..prozac for

> >depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He shuts

> >himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over.

> >

>

> The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for

> >him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the

> >psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday.

> >

> > I don't think my son has the filters to deal with everything going on in

> >school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his

> >ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.

> >

> > It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!

> > help

> >

> > jan

> >

>

April 6, 2011

Well, hugging to you would be comforting. So try to remember that it doesn't mean the same thing to him. I mean, you know that already. But when it makes you feel bad because you can't, remind yourself!

I think hanging with the wrong kids is a bad thing. I mean, if you think the boy who spends time over holidays with you at your house is a bad influence, you should definitely think it over before letting him come back. I think it can give your own ds a false idea of what men/teen boys do. I mean, you don't want him to get the idea he can treat women the same way as this guy is doing. It's such a minefield - all the social rules.

If you go to www.socialthinking.com, you can see a lot of good books on this subject. One that caught my eye --> <<Newly Updated! Socially Curious and Curiously Social: A Social Thinking Guidebook for Bright Teens & Young Adults >>

Even if he won't read these books with you, you might be surprised that he is curious enough to read them on his own. Sometimes I leave books around for that reason. And I tend to find that they get touched.

Roxanna

May those who love us, love us

And those who don't love us,

May God turn their hearts

And if he can't turn their hearts,

May he turn their ankles

So we will know them by their limping!

( ) Re: AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger

Jan I guess the first step is to try to get him stabilized

emotionally.

Then if he is open to counseling by you or a therapist to way

slow down on dating. How you will accomplish this I am not sure.

He really needs to learn the social rules step by step.

Is he hard to control? Oppostional? Would he agree to changes such as no dating only belonging to teen groups at church or any

other place (our YMCA has teen night on Friday's)

Does he have by any chance bipolar disorder and AS? I ask because

he is old enough to be interested in girls but often AS

kids are developmentally delayed. The intense interests in girls

and then depressed thoughts of killing himself is a wide swing.

I don't know what school options you have. My daughter's school

is for kids with learning issues and some AS kids. The teens

are taken bowling, have clubs but there are no dances and

the teens are closely

supervised. One boy said something to

my daughter (13 years old) and she didn't get it fully,

I told the director of the school and they talked it over with the

boy, had him apologize and in there social skills group

the therapist talks to the girls (boys are separate) weekly

about puberty issues. I think this has been really helpful to

have a peer group and to go over these problems.

As you said he is very depressed, so that needs to be address

and the possiblity of a mood disorder. Hopefully if he is

emotionally more stable you will find a very supportive

teen group to help him cope with puberty.

And last if there are some rules you can explore with a therapist

that would help your son be more controlled and exposured

to dating in a way he can cope with. If there is any way

to find a college student to act as his aid and mentor weekly

it could also be helpful if the goals are very specific.

Best of luck to you and your son,

Pam

>

> Hi! I post here and there but it has been a while since I asked for help. My son, 15 and in 9th grade, has had a terrible 2nd half of the year. He is very high functioning and appears to be like all the other kids. Adults and teachers all say...he has Aspergers? But he does...maybe it is mild but it is there.

>

> The problem is that he likes girls, his hormones are raging and the girls are big teasers. He dated a girl for a month...and then she broke it off...said she didn't want anything serious. WEll, then her best friend played my son and said she wanted to go out with him. Turns out she was pulling his leg. He wants a girlfriend so badly. It has gotten out of

control. In fact, I got a call from his school counselor that my son threatened to kill himself becuase the girl would not go out with him. Then the school got three more reports like this. He asked a girl out and she said no but he stilled tried to hold her hand and asked for a kiss. He was allowed on facebook but no more. That is over. He can not handle it.

>

> I don't think he would harm himself...but he is very depressed. He lost 15 lbs. and is now 140 lbs. and he is 5' 11 1/2" tall. He is on medicine..prozac for depresion, xanax for anxiety, adderall for ADHD and Geodon for anger. He shuts himself in his room and keeps the shade down. Barely anyne comes over.

>

> The school called me to come today and told me that they are afraid for him...they said I can not bring him back to school w/out a note from the psychiatrist or psychologist. We do have an appt. for Monday.

>

> I don't think my son has the filters

to deal with everything going on in school...the girls are speading rumors about him sayng he beat up his ex-girlfirend nd wants to beat up this other girl.

>

> It is so bad. What do I do...where do I go from here. Not sure!

> help

>

> jan

>

April 6, 2011

Robin...would you believe I understand exactly what you are feeling. I guess we Aspie Moms are connected too! LOL

Yes, I believe there were Asperger kids in school way way way back. I truly believe my husband has AS and he is 62. He also had ADHD. He made it thru school and 2 years of college. I always knew something was a bit odd about him and never could put my finger on it till my son was DX. My husband was a C student in school...he never liked it. But he loved sports. He didn't have a lot of friends growing up and when I met him he was very inexperienced in dating. He was not given supports in school but he made it and he holds down a good job. He gets along with his coworkers but he has no close friends. He is happy working in his yard, watching the weather and news and doing little things around the house. He was never social but he never stopped me from going out. And, when I had company over he would stay out for a while and then disappear...people would say

where's Ken? I would say he can only take so much socialization, I say he has always been like this and it is okay. He has his odd ways but he is a good loving father, a good provider and has always been there for me. And, I am okay attending things by myself....and to be honest...sometimes I was glad he stayed home...because people would says things to me about how awkward he was or this or that. And, I was always sticking up for him and explaining his behavior. People are so judgemental. People would come up to me and say, boy is your husband cheap! And, I would say no...he is conservative because his parents lost their home when he was younger and that fear has always stuck with him...he worries alot about it. Plus, he was laid off 2 times and that is so hard on a male especially when he is the main provider.

I do believe that there is someplace, something each and everyone of our children can do. They just need to find their nitch. There are many jobs that don't require working with other people. And, as adults, how many of us stay close to the firends we had in high school. I tell this to my son. All you need is one nice friend...one who is trustworthy and faithful.

Also, another problem for all the children today is all the electronics out there...computers, cell phones, ipods, tv, etc. My son is no longer allowed on FB. It was too much for him to handle. And, I see a completely different child in just two days. This will also make him find other things to do....his friend came over yesterday and they played some chess. Board games can be fun. Last summer the boys were playing monopoly.

J

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...> Sent: Tue, April 5, 2011 9:47:45 PMSubject: Re: ( ) AS Teen Boys/Girlfriends/Sex/Anger