perfectionist Re: Need help with goal writing

[Guest guest]

My son also sees the details instead of the big picture--but is very artistic and creative. He loves to draw (but not write), and loves to create collages--last night he made with me one using scrabble tiles and all kinds of owls (paper charms, etc)-- I love owls.

My son's thinking is very wide open--not rigid--but it is very concrete.

Last night I told him that I had a head cold. He started laughing--I said why? what does that bring to mind? he said your head in an ice-cube.

I'm glad to read abut the disorganization and creativity--because my son has these characteristics.

Thank you for sharing--I love reading all of this

Purrs & Kisses,

Kristal of Digi Kitty

The Kitty who loves Digi!

Designer for the VDBC "More" Team - you can see my designs HERE!!!

From: miranda.flemming <miranda.flemming@...>Subject: ( ) perfectionist Re: Need help with goal writing Date: Wednesday, June 2, 2010, 12:01 AM

My son has these traits too - perfectionist (although a messy and disorganised one) and black and white rigid thinking - which causes him much frustration.My theory is creativity (freedom to experiment without being judged) is the opposite of perfectionism (which is fear of making a mistake and breeds anxiety). Psychiatrist recommended creative theories to allow emotional expression and creativeness (ie art for fun, not to be "technically correct", same with music. from my own journey, when I learnt classical music, I became more perfectionist and worried about having to have it exactly right (and had terrible performance anxiety and the joy was sapped). I moved on to doing improvising/jazz, where a "mistake"/experimenting can make a cool sound, and have escape (can go into trance like state - very relaxing and gives me break from think all the time). Same with art - I can draw realistically, but struggled to paint realistically, but

didn't really enjoy art until I did abstract and stopped having people critique my work as good or bad. Interestingly, I have been told I have a "gift" in musical improvisation, even though I struggle with some conventional stuff like sight-reading music etc. I plan to teach him keyboard, but not in conventional way. Has also being doing some art.His psychologist today played a game with him where one makes sentences using randomly plucked words - he really struggled with it. Apparently, it is to help him come up with alternatives - flexible thinking.Miranda > In our behavior plan she has to earn purchases and priveleges. So on our weekend camping she kept asking for things from the gift store.> Which I agreed to if she practiced thinking of things she liked > about herself etc. She said there is nothing good about me (she always says that) or there is nothing good about school. I don't> torture

her I help her think of lots of things (which she seems > relieved by). The school has her in 3 type of social> skill groups, 1:1, a small girls group and a mixed group. > This are helpful but don't improve the self esteem issues. She> has been to weekly therapy too. I also try to give her > compliments often without having to have her rehearse only.> > > I think this approach has helped us shape behaviors the most.> It has to be done often. My daughter anyway is too much > of a perfectionist. She notices the fine details too much > and misses the big picture. Many ASD kids have this trait.> > Pam

[Guest guest]

This sounds like my son, . He loves to dress-up and pretend, but isn't so keen when others play along. He will tell you, "No, I'm not a fireman (police officer...cowboy...etc.) I'm DRESSED like one. He seems concerned that you don't understand this. I also remember during one of his evaluations when they showed him a picture of three little girls running a race. They asked which girl won the race. And he responded none of them. (The girl in the front had not yet passed the finish line.) I thought that was pretty clever. His very concrete thinking has led to a lot of inside jokes in the family. And loves to see himself as a joker. He will tell anyone that he is VERY funny. And he is a REALLY

GOOD big brother. (He has pretty good self esteem.) From: K <kristalstamper@...> Sent: Wed, June 2, 2010 8:18:42 AMSubject: Re: ( ) perfectionist Re: Need help with goal writing

My son also sees the details instead of the big picture--but is very artistic and creative. He loves to draw (but not write), and loves to create collages--last night he made with me one using scrabble tiles and all kinds of owls (paper charms, etc)-- I love owls.

My son's thinking is very wide open--not rigid--but it is very concrete.

Last night I told him that I had a head cold. He started laughing--I said why? what does that bring to mind? he said your head in an ice-cube.

I'm glad to read abut the disorganization and creativity-- because my son has these characteristics.

Thank you for sharing--I love reading all of this

Purrs & Kisses,

Kristal of Digi Kitty

The Kitty who loves Digi!

Designer for the VDBC "More" Team - you can see my designs HERE!!!

From: miranda.flemming <miranda.flemming>Subject: ( ) perfectionist Re: Need help with goal writing Date: Wednesday, June 2, 2010, 12:01 AM

My son has these traits too - perfectionist (although a messy and disorganised one) and black and white rigid thinking - which causes him much frustration.My theory is creativity (freedom to experiment without being judged) is the opposite of perfectionism (which is fear of making a mistake and breeds anxiety). Psychiatrist recommended creative theories to allow emotional expression and creativeness (ie art for fun, not to be "technically correct", same with music. from my own journey, when I learnt classical music, I became more perfectionist and worried about having to have it exactly right (and had terrible performance anxiety and the joy was sapped). I moved on to doing improvising/ jazz, where a "mistake"/experimen ting can make a cool sound, and have escape (can go into trance like state - very relaxing and gives me break from think all the time). Same with art - I can draw realistically, but struggled to paint realistically,

but

didn't really enjoy art until I did abstract and stopped having people critique my work as good or bad. Interestingly, I have been told I have a "gift" in musical improvisation, even though I struggle with some conventional stuff like sight-reading music etc. I plan to teach him keyboard, but not in conventional way. Has also being doing some art.His psychologist today played a game with him where one makes sentences using randomly plucked words - he really struggled with it. Apparently, it is to help him come up with alternatives - flexible thinking.Miranda > In our behavior plan she has to earn purchases and priveleges. So on our weekend camping she kept asking for things from the gift store.> Which I agreed to if she practiced thinking of things she liked > about herself etc. She said there is nothing good about me (she always says that) or there is nothing good about school. I don't> torture

her I help her think of lots of things (which she seems > relieved by). The school has her in 3 type of social> skill groups, 1:1, a small girls group and a mixed group. > This are helpful but don't improve the self esteem issues. She> has been to weekly therapy too. I also try to give her > compliments often without having to have her rehearse only.> > > I think this approach has helped us shape behaviors the most.> It has to be done often. My daughter anyway is too much > of a perfectionist. She notices the fine details too much > and misses the big picture. Many ASD kids have this trait.> > Pam

[Guest guest]

Another INTP here!!! we gotta compare notes sometime soon!

On Wed, Jun 2, 2010 at 5:39 PM, miranda.flemming <miranda.flemming@...> wrote:

 

I'm very creative, but did go through a rigid black and white stage when younger (trying to imitate my perfectionist father plus influence of church?). I'm INTP Myers-Briggs - both analytical and creative, scientific and artistic. I'm primarily a visual thinker too - I used to think exclusively in pictures, and since developing more confidence in articulating myself orally, tend to think more in sentences now. I used to be very idealistic - guess bouts of depression knocked that out of me (along with the black and white thinking). My son is a lot like me (scientific mind etc), but he is so rigid and inflexible it causes everyone strife!

Miranda> > > From: miranda.flemming <miranda.flemming@...>> Subject: ( ) perfectionist Re: Need help with goal writing

> > Date: Wednesday, June 2, 2010, 12:01 AM> > >   > > >

> My son has these traits too - perfectionist (although a messy and disorganised one) and black and white rigid thinking - which causes him much frustration.> > My theory is creativity (freedom to experiment without being judged) is the opposite of perfectionism (which is fear of making a mistake and breeds anxiety). Psychiatrist recommended creative theories to allow emotional expression and creativeness (ie art for fun, not to be " technically correct " , same with music.

> > from my own journey, when I learnt classical music, I became more perfectionist and worried about having to have it exactly right (and had terrible performance anxiety and the joy was sapped). I moved on to doing improvising/jazz, where a " mistake " /experimenting can make a cool sound, and have escape (can go into trance like state - very relaxing and gives me break from think all the time). Same with art - I can draw realistically, but struggled to paint realistically, but didn't really enjoy art until I did abstract and stopped having people critique my work as good or bad.

> > Interestingly, I have been told I have a " gift " in musical improvisation, even though I struggle with some conventional stuff like sight-reading music etc. I plan to teach him keyboard, but not in conventional way. Has also being doing some art.

> > His psychologist today played a game with him where one makes sentences using randomly plucked words - he really struggled with it. Apparently, it is to help him come up with alternatives - flexible thinking.

> > Miranda > > > In our behavior plan she has to earn purchases and priveleges. So on our weekend camping she kept asking for things from the gift store.> > Which I agreed to if she practiced thinking of things she liked

> > about herself etc. She said there is nothing good about me (she always says that) or there is nothing good about school. I don't> > torture her I help her think of lots of things (which she seems

> > relieved by). The school has her in 3 type of social> > skill groups, 1:1, a small girls group and a mixed group. > > This are helpful but don't improve the self esteem issues. She> > has been to weekly therapy too. I also try to give her

> > compliments often without having to have her rehearse only.> > > > > > I think this approach has helped us shape behaviors the most.> > It has to be done often. My daughter anyway is too much

> > of a perfectionist. She notices the fine details too much > > and misses the big picture. Many ASD kids have this trait.> > > > Pam>

[Guest guest]

I wonder if we parents are aspies too--it seems I'm alot like my son too--except I dont' get as agitated as he does, and tell people exactly what I think of them. I might think it, but don't say it (anymore) hahahah!

Purrs & Kisses,

Kristal of Digi Kitty

The Kitty who loves Digi!

Designer for the VDBC "More" Team - you can see my designs HERE!!!

I'm very creative, but did go through a rigid black and white stage when younger (trying to imitate my perfectionist father plus influence of church?). I'm INTP Myers-Briggs - both analytical and creative, scientific and artistic. I'm primarily a visual thinker too - I used to think exclusively in pictures, and since developing more confidence in articulating myself orally, tend to think more in sentences now. I used to be very idealistic - guess bouts of depression knocked that out of me (along with the black and white thinking). My son is a lot like me (scientific mind etc), but he is so rigid and inflexible it causes everyone strife! Miranda> > > From: miranda.flemming <miranda.flemming@ ...>> Subject: ( ) perfectionist Re: Need help with goal writing> > Date: Wednesday, June 2, 2010, 12:01 AM> > > Â > > > > My son has these traits too - perfectionist (although a messy and disorganised one) and black and white rigid thinking - which causes him much frustration.> > My theory is creativity (freedom to experiment without being judged) is the opposite of perfectionism (which is fear of making a mistake and breeds anxiety). Psychiatrist recommended creative theories to allow emotional expression

and creativeness (ie art for fun, not to be "technically correct", same with music. > > from my own journey, when I learnt classical music, I became more perfectionist and worried about having to have it exactly right (and had terrible performance anxiety and the joy was sapped). I moved on to doing improvising/ jazz, where a "mistake"/experimenting can make a cool sound, and have escape (can go into trance like state - very relaxing and gives me break from think all the time). Same with art - I can draw realistically, but struggled to paint realistically, but didn't really enjoy art until I did abstract and stopped having people critique my work as good or bad. > > Interestingly, I have been told I have a "gift" in musical improvisation, even though I struggle with some conventional stuff like sight-reading music etc. I plan to teach him keyboard, but not in conventional way. Has also being doing some art.> >

His psychologist today played a game with him where one makes sentences using randomly plucked words - he really struggled with it. Apparently, it is to help him come up with alternatives - flexible thinking.> > Miranda > > > In our behavior plan she has to earn purchases and priveleges. So on our weekend camping she kept asking for things from the gift store.> > Which I agreed to if she practiced thinking of things she liked > > about herself etc. She said there is nothing good about me (she always says that) or there is nothing good about school. I don't> > torture her I help her think of lots of things (which she seems > > relieved by). The school has her in 3 type of social> > skill groups, 1:1, a small girls group and a mixed group. > > This are helpful but don't improve the self esteem issues. She> > has been to weekly therapy too. I also try to

give her > > compliments often without having to have her rehearse only.> > > > > > I think this approach has helped us shape behaviors the most.> > It has to be done often. My daughter anyway is too much > > of a perfectionist. She notices the fine details too much > > and misses the big picture. Many ASD kids have this trait.> > > > Pam>

[Guest guest]

I did read somewhere that certain Myers-Briggs types had Asperger tendencies

INTP, INTJ and ISTJ?

Miranda

> > >

> > >

> > > From: miranda.flemming <miranda.flemming@>

> > > Subject: ( ) perfectionist Re: Need help with goal writing

> > > < %40>

> > > Date: Wednesday, June 2, 2010, 12:01 AM

> > >

> > >

> > > Â

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > My son has these traits too - perfectionist (although a messy and

> > disorganised one) and black and white rigid thinking - which causes him much

> > frustration.

> > >

> > > My theory is creativity (freedom to experiment without being judged) is

> > the opposite of perfectionism (which is fear of making a mistake and breeds

> > anxiety). Psychiatrist recommended creative theories to allow emotional

> > expression and creativeness (ie art for fun, not to be " technically

> > correct " , same with music.

> > >

> > > from my own journey, when I learnt classical music, I became more

> > perfectionist and worried about having to have it exactly right (and had

> > terrible performance anxiety and the joy was sapped). I moved on to doing

> > improvising/jazz, where a " mistake " /experimenting can make a cool sound, and

> > have escape (can go into trance like state - very relaxing and gives me

> > break from think all the time). Same with art - I can draw realistically,

> > but struggled to paint realistically, but didn't really enjoy art until I

> > did abstract and stopped having people critique my work as good or bad.

> > >

> > > Interestingly, I have been told I have a " gift " in musical improvisation,

> > even though I struggle with some conventional stuff like sight-reading music

> > etc. I plan to teach him keyboard, but not in conventional way. Has also

> > being doing some art.

> > >

> > > His psychologist today played a game with him where one makes sentences

> > using randomly plucked words - he really struggled with it. Apparently, it

> > is to help him come up with alternatives - flexible thinking.

> > >

> > > Miranda

> > >

> > > > In our behavior plan she has to earn purchases and priveleges. So on

> > our weekend camping she kept asking for things from the gift store.

> > > > Which I agreed to if she practiced thinking of things she liked

> > > > about herself etc. She said there is nothing good about me (she always

> > says that) or there is nothing good about school. I don't

> > > > torture her I help her think of lots of things (which she seems

> > > > relieved by). The school has her in 3 type of social

> > > > skill groups, 1:1, a small girls group and a mixed group.

> > > > This are helpful but don't improve the self esteem issues. She

> > > > has been to weekly therapy too. I also try to give her

> > > > compliments often without having to have her rehearse only.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I think this approach has helped us shape behaviors the most.

> > > > It has to be done often. My daughter anyway is too much

> > > > of a perfectionist. She notices the fine details too much

> > > > and misses the big picture. Many ASD kids have this trait.

> > > >

> > > > Pam

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>