Re: day dreaming and shopping with my 13 yo Aspie daughter

[Guest guest]

Pamela:

Yes that is my Dad. I remember that when I said I was feeling really bad about my life and its purpose he told me about How small the earth is in the Solar System. How we were on the third rock from a very small sun, In a very large empty space. Nothing about why I should feel good about being my self, despite being one of Six Million Soles on Planet earth.

( ) Re: day dreaming and shopping with my 13 yo Aspie daughter

This is the main social issue with AS that they liketo think about their thoughts and interests ratherthan relate to people. All you can do is to in small gradual steps work on1:1 with you interacting at home. To develop moreflexiabity and interaction.You can read alot more about this in books onRDI Relationship Development Intervention.If she is obsessive SSRI's can help reduce some ofthis but there is not a clear cure.Pam >> My daughter finally confessed to me today the reason she doesn't like me to stop and look at anything when we shop (Costco, Nordstrom, etc.). It's because when I stop she is forced to stop day dreaming and if we keep walking through the store, she can keep day dreaming. IOW, she doesn't want her day dream to be interrupted so we have to keep walking through the store. She usually wears her iTouch and listens to music when we are shopping. Has anyone ever heard anything like this? I'm very flexible with her about shopping with me - she can go or stay home. I'm guess I'm just amazed that this is her reason for trying to rush me through shopping trips. She will push me along and nag me not to stop and look at anything. I realize there's an anxiety component, i.e. when is this going to end, so I try to tell her how long it will take, etc. I have no idea what to think of this behavior or how to get her to modify it. Any thoughts? Thanks for reading.>

[Guest guest]

The daydreaming thing is interesting. This is exactly what my 14 year old

daughter does in the car. She doesn't like me to talk to her and she listens

intently to music, clearly daydreaming with the musical content.

My daughter really dislikes shopping, due to the overstimulation from sights,

smells, lights -- so maybe your daughter's escape into daydreams is her way of

coping with that.

Diane

[Guest guest]

We have issues with dd and daydreaming too - I call it "la-la land"

but I have found there are triggers that increase la-la land that we

have to limit.  Screen time is limited in our house including DS,

computer games, TV etc as we have found the more time dd spends on

these activities the deeper she disappears into la-la land

afterwards and the longer it lasts for.  Dd likes la-la land, says

she is happy there and on the days this is more of an issue she has

major problems focussing on other activities and is generally a lot

more dippy doing her normal chores etc.

Shopping was a major nightmare for me too but I refuse to allow dd

to remain in la-la land because otherwise she is not learning to

interact in the real world nor is she learning acceptable coping

mechanisms she can use for the rest of her life.  Personally, I

would not allow her to use her iTouch outside of the car and then I

would engage her in the shopping trip.  I KNOW how hard this is,

particularly at first, but this is part of helping her for the rest

of her life as she is going to have to learn how to shop at some

point!  My dd is into all things "horse" so I allow her to be a

horse between shops but in the shop she has to be a human - she has

learned over time new things she enjoys in each place we regularly

visit, eg the magazine aisle, the toy aisle, she loves the JML

shopping videos dotted around the store, she enjoys helping select

fruit and veg etc and although these things are still coping

mechanisms she is still engaged in the trip and with me.  The iTouch

on the way home in the car is then a reward for the engaged shopping

trip but allows her some downtime after dealing with the

lights/people/movement etc etc that can be overstimulating for them.

Just my thoughts,

a

On 30/12/2010 15:44, r14fun@... wrote:

 

My son who is 8  also daydreams, he calls it

"thinking".  For him it is a way off coping in

situations that are stressful, such as shopping.  He

also has sensory issues and I think all the bright

lights, people, noise, smells etc make those types of

environments overwhelming so he needs to escape.  On

the advice of his Psychologist we try to normalize it

as much as possible and recognize it is a coping

mechanism.  We also work with him on recognizing

situations that mat not be appropriate for the day

dreaming, such as a school or in public because he

also tends to stim when he daydreams and draws

attention to himself, which he does not like either.  

 

As a parent it is a scary prospect.  I worry he

will end up escaping permanently if it goes unchecked,

our Psyc does not think so.  Anyway, there is a book

called "Parenting the Asperger Child" and in it, it

describes different ways Aspies will cope and there is

a section on the "day dreaming" if it helps. I am not

a DR or even close, but maybe if you can identify why

she is doing it then you can work on different ways of

coping.  As stated in the other reply it is really

good that she will talk about it and that puts you

ahead of the game . 

 

Good luck

( ) day dreaming and shopping

with my 13 yo Aspie daughter

 

My daughter finally confessed to me today

the reason she doesn't like me to stop and

look at anything when we shop (Costco,

Nordstrom, etc.). It's because when I stop

she is forced to stop day dreaming and if we

keep walking through the store, she can keep

day dreaming. IOW, she doesn't want her day

dream to be interrupted so we have to keep

walking through the store. She usually wears

her iTouch and listens to music when we are

shopping. Has anyone ever heard anything

like this? I'm very flexible with her about

shopping with me - she can go or stay home.

I'm guess I'm just amazed that this is her

reason for trying to rush me through

shopping trips. She will push me along and

nag me not to stop and look at anything. I

realize there's an anxiety component, i.e.

when is this going to end, so I try to tell

her how long it will take, etc. I have no

idea what to think of this behavior or how

to get her to modify it. Any thoughts?

Thanks for reading.

[Guest guest]

That’s exactly what I did... And sometimes still do! Daydreaming is fun!

On 12/30/10 11:15 PM, " dphock " <dphock@...> wrote:

The daydreaming thing is interesting. This is exactly what my 14 year old daughter does in the car. She doesn't like me to talk to her and she listens intently to music, clearly daydreaming with the musical content.

My daughter really dislikes shopping, due to the overstimulation from sights, smells, lights -- so maybe your daughter's escape into daydreams is her way of coping with that.

Diane

--

“Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me.” --Ralph Wiggum, The Simpsons

[Guest guest]

Well, if you are going shopping and really want to shop for things...I would not take her. Explain to her that you need to get some things done and want to do it in a leisurely manner.

Then, when you don't have anything to really shop for ...take her with you. Practice. Don't let her wear her ipod...keep her involved in the shopping trip. Ask her what she thinks about this or that. Ask her if she can read peoples faces...do they look happy or sad. Talk and keep her involved. Maybe this will help. And, since you are just practicing...if she gets overloaded ...you can leave. Also, stop somewhere to relax and watch people...have a cup of cocoa and or coffee...talk. Ask her questions...how is she feeling, what makes her anxious, what does anxious feel like...just keep her involved.

Just a thought.

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: vcameron6371 <vcameron6371@...> Sent: Thu, December 30, 2010 12:14:11 AMSubject: ( ) day dreaming and shopping with my 13 yo Aspie daughter

My daughter finally confessed to me today the reason she doesn't like me to stop and look at anything when we shop (Costco, Nordstrom, etc.). It's because when I stop she is forced to stop day dreaming and if we keep walking through the store, she can keep day dreaming. IOW, she doesn't want her day dream to be interrupted so we have to keep walking through the store. She usually wears her iTouch and listens to music when we are shopping. Has anyone ever heard anything like this? I'm very flexible with her about shopping with me - she can go or stay home. I'm guess I'm just amazed that this is her reason for trying to rush me through shopping trips. She will push me along and nag me not to stop and look at anything. I realize there's an anxiety component, i.e. when is this going to end, so I try to tell her how long it will take, etc. I have no idea what to think of this behavior or how to get her to modify it. Any thoughts? Thanks for

reading.

[Guest guest]

You are very welcome. Thanks for all the responses. They were great. I posted a

similar message to my friends with " neuro-typical " kids on FB and all their

answers were very similar; teenagers want nothing to do with anything that's not

all about them. It was very funny. Happy New Year!

> >

> > My daughter finally confessed to me today the reason she doesn't like me to

stop and look at anything when we shop (Costco, Nordstrom, etc.). It's because

when I stop she is forced to stop day dreaming and if we keep walking through

the store, she can keep day dreaming. IOW, she doesn't want her day dream to be

interrupted so we have to keep walking through the store. She usually wears her

iTouch and listens to music when we are shopping. Has anyone ever heard anything

like this? I'm very flexible with her about shopping with me - she can go or

stay home. I'm guess I'm just amazed that this is her reason for trying to rush

me through shopping trips. She will push me along and nag me not to stop and

look at anything. I realize there's an anxiety component, i.e. when is this

going to end, so I try to tell her how long it will take, etc. I have no idea

what to think of this behavior or how to get her to modify it. Any thoughts?

Thanks for reading.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

How old is she? Any diagnosis as of yet? Is daydreaming a symptom of ADD? Interesting that she prefers to daydream than think in reality. Maybe to escape anxiety? Just wondering,

Cathleen

From: vcameron6371 <vcameron6371@...> Sent: Wed, December 29, 2010 9:14:11 PMSubject: ( ) day dreaming and shopping with my 13 yo Aspie daughter

My daughter finally confessed to me today the reason she doesn't like me to stop and look at anything when we shop (Costco, Nordstrom, etc.). It's because when I stop she is forced to stop day dreaming and if we keep walking through the store, she can keep day dreaming. IOW, she doesn't want her day dream to be interrupted so we have to keep walking through the store. She usually wears her iTouch and listens to music when we are shopping. Has anyone ever heard anything like this? I'm very flexible with her about shopping with me - she can go or stay home. I'm guess I'm just amazed that this is her reason for trying to rush me through shopping trips. She will push me along and nag me not to stop and look at anything. I realize there's an anxiety component, i.e. when is this going to end, so I try to tell her how long it will take, etc. I have no idea what to think of this behavior or how to get her to modify it. Any thoughts? Thanks for

reading.

[Guest guest]

Nice post!

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) day dreaming and shopping

with my 13 yo Aspie daughter

My daughter finally confessed to me today

the reason she doesn't like me to stop and

look at anything when we shop (Costco,

Nordstrom, etc.). It's because when I stop

she is forced to stop day dreaming and if we

keep walking through the store, she can keep

day dreaming. IOW, she doesn't want her day

dream to be interrupted so we have to keep

walking through the store. She usually wears

her iTouch and listens to music when we are

shopping. Has anyone ever heard anything

like this? I'm very flexible with her about

shopping with me - she can go or stay home.

I'm guess I'm just amazed that this is her

reason for trying to rush me through

shopping trips. She will push me along and

nag me not to stop and look at anything. I

realize there's an anxiety component, i.e.

when is this going to end, so I try to tell

her how long it will take, etc. I have no

idea what to think of this behavior or how

to get her to modify it. Any thoughts?

Thanks for reading.