Guest guest Posted September 7, 2009 Report Share Posted September 7, 2009 This isn't going to be what you want to hear, but it might be impossible for him to just be "more mature". Asking him to act like a 16 year old could be like asking your youger son to act like a 14 year old. You can't act more mature if you don't feel it. As for arguing, that can be turned, but it will take work and probably other parents here will have more advice for you then I do. Also the fighting needs to end... but then again, brothers fight, NT or otherwise its just a fact of nature. From: filomenanap@...Date: Sun, 6 Sep 2009 19:56:23 -0700Subject: ( ) My Teen age son My son was recently been diagnosed with asperger syndrome. He is on Focalin XR 5mg, and the doctor told me that it's not the right medication for him. He is going to turn 16 years old, but he is very immature for his age. My question is does anyone have any advice on how to make him become more mature and stop talking back to me, and arguing with me. I took away his stuff, punished him for hours and minutes, but nothing i do seems to work. Please anyboyd HELP I cant take it anymore, and the other thing he does is fight with his little 10 year old brother. He doesnt get along with him. Thanks Signed MOM going out of her mind Get back to school stuff for them and cashback for you. Try Bing now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 7, 2009 Report Share Posted September 7, 2009 If the doctor said his meds. are wrong...what did he recommend? Is you son in therapy? Is there a mentor available...my son has a TSS and he has helped him tremendously. A TSS is a therapeutic staff service person...we get it thru the wrap around program offered by the state of PA. We have had these services for 2 years. Have you talked to your doctor or the school guidance or psychologist? Have you actually sat your son down and tried to talk to him to find out what is really bothering him? Does he even know? So much can be going on... As far as maturity....just keep working with him. Our children lag behind their peers...I am not sure if they every catch up... Get some books on aspergers and your other concerns and read. jan Janice Rushen "I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope" From: Filomena Napolitano <filomenanap@...>Subject: ( ) My Teen age son Date: Sunday, September 6, 2009, 10:56 PM My son was recently been diagnosed with asperger syndrome. He is on Focalin XR 5mg, and the doctor told me that it's not the right medication for him. He is going to turn 16 years old, but he is very immature for his age. My question is does anyone have any advice on how to make him become more mature and stop talking back to me, and arguing with me. I took away his stuff, punished him for hours and minutes, but nothing i do seems to work. Please anyboyd HELP I cant take it anymore, and the other thing he does is fight with his little 10 year old brother. He doesnt get along with him. Thanks Signed MOM going out of her mind Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2009 Report Share Posted September 8, 2009 Our son is the same, just has to have the last word no matter what, don't really have a solution for you, all we do is no talk back to him, so we tell him off for something, he answers back then we leave it, otherwise it gets into a tit for tat arguement, and when we walk away without arguing his is disappointed that he does not have the opertunity to get into an arguement, since we started this he answers back less because he isn't getting a response from us. As for the maturity, I have realised. since my son has had problems that it almost certainly stems from me, I was and am very niave, terrible judge of character, alway think the best of people, never think someone has an alternative motive. I have got myself into some very tricky situation without realising. Now at 37 I still make mistakes. Sometimes I click to what is going on sometimes I miss it altogether. Don't think this is something that can be taught. If it can I don't know if I would want it, I am always horrified when people have done intentionally bad things for gratification, so I think my world would only be made sadder if I could see them for myself. I don't know if that makes sense, but that is what its like from the other side. Lor x From: Filomena Napolitano <filomenanap@...>Subject: ( ) My Teen age son Date: Monday, 7 September, 2009, 3:56 AM My son was recently been diagnosed with asperger syndrome. He is on Focalin XR 5mg, and the doctor told me that it's not the right medication for him. He is going to turn 16 years old, but he is very immature for his age. My question is does anyone have any advice on how to make him become more mature and stop talking back to me, and arguing with me. I took away his stuff, punished him for hours and minutes, but nothing i do seems to work. Please anyboyd HELP I cant take it anymore, and the other thing he does is fight with his little 10 year old brother. He doesnt get along with him. Thanks Signed MOM going out of her mind Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2009 Report Share Posted September 8, 2009 You are 100% correct Lorraine....I was taught by my son's therapist that it takes TWO to argue...so we don't answer back. I think the having to have the last word, arguing, etc. is part of the teen scene because a lot of my friends with NT teens say the same thing. I think our chldren are going dealing with AS and being a teen. My son is like this too! I have learned that it is best not to argue back ....let it go...and when he has his "melt downs" to let him be...if he is really angry ...i tell him to go to his room and let him work it out. I see less and less meltdowns...although he can still get angry especially if things don't go his way or the way he thinks they should be...we are working on that. And, as far as maturity...it takes time and like you said...he may never get as mature as others. But, I must say, my son with the help he has gotten has matured a lot. They are working with him on how to deal with his anger, what to do and how to express it in other ways. Also, they are working with him on his feelings....what he is feeling and connecting it to situation and how to handle it. He definitely has changed ...matured...although he is not at the same stage as his peers ....he has grown. We just keep working on it and talking him thru situations as best as we can. I know he definitely is in the "teen" years and shuts us out a lot and doesn't always want us around especially if his friends are over. Jan Janice Rushen "I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope" From: Filomena Napolitano <filomenanap>Subject: ( ) My Teen age son Date: Monday, 7 September, 2009, 3:56 AM My son was recently been diagnosed with asperger syndrome. He is on Focalin XR 5mg, and the doctor told me that it's not the right medication for him. He is going to turn 16 years old, but he is very immature for his age. My question is does anyone have any advice on how to make him become more mature and stop talking back to me, and arguing with me. I took away his stuff, punished him for hours and minutes, but nothing i do seems to work. Please anyboyd HELP I cant take it anymore, and the other thing he does is fight with his little 10 year old brother. He doesnt get along with him. Thanks Signed MOM going out of her mind Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2009 Report Share Posted September 8, 2009 My son turns 16 in 3wks. the sound like twins. Taking away things does not work, nor does grounding, that just adds fuel to the fire. Find a way to get through to him. Some kind of reward for not arguing. Some kind for doing his chores. It works. Get a dry erase board and put up his chores on it and his behavior, after a month if he does what you have asked then he gets a reward. This seems childish but these kids are, in some way. I hope this helps. mother of a asperger son Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2009 Report Share Posted September 8, 2009 > > My son turns 16 in 3wks. the sound like twins. Taking away things does not work, nor does grounding, that just adds fuel to the fire. Find a way to get through to him. Some kind of reward for not arguing. Some kind for doing his chores. It works. Get a dry erase board and put up his chores on it and his behavior, after a month if he does what you have asked then he gets a reward. This seems childish but these kids are, in some way. I hope this helps. mother of a asperger son > I have tried that with the dry erase board and writing it on construction paper. I have also told him that If he does all his chores and does what he has to do. I will get him a bionicle, which he adores. No it doesnt sound childish, I think anything that will help my son, and the people around him. He just wants to do what he wants to do. He is on focalin now but the doctor wants to put him on seraquel. Thank you so much for your response. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2009 Report Share Posted September 8, 2009 > > > This isn't going to be what you want to hear, but it might be impossible for him to just be " more mature " . Asking him to act like a 16 year old could be like asking your youger son to act like a 14 year old. You can't act more mature if you don't feel it. > > > > As for arguing, that can be turned, but it will take work and probably other parents here will have more advice for you then I do. Also the fighting needs to end... but then again, brothers fight, NT or otherwise its just a fact of nature. > > > > > From: filomenanap@... > Date: Sun, 6 Sep 2009 19:56:23 -0700 > Subject: ( ) My Teen age son > > > > > > > > > > > My son was recently been diagnosed with asperger syndrome. He is on Focalin XR 5mg, and the doctor told me that it's not the right medication for him. He is going to turn 16 years old, but he is very immature for his age. My question is does anyone have any advice on how to make him become more mature and stop talking back to me, and arguing with me. I took away his stuff, punished him for hours and minutes, but nothing i do seems to work. > > Please anyboyd HELP I cant take it anymore, and the other thing he does is fight with his little 10 year old brother. He doesnt get along with him. > > Thanks > > Signed MOM going out of her mind Hi, Thank you so much, I know that i cant ask him to act mature, but there are times that he can, certain situations he acts more like a 20 year old. So i just thought that maybe there was something i could say that would make him act more mature. The arguing is over things that arent even important like if hes playing his game cub and his brother doesnt want to play he will say that next time he wont let him and then say this is why i dont let you play. Thanks so much > > > > > > > > > _________________________________________________________________ > Get back to school stuff for them and cashback for you. > http://www.bing.com/cashback?form=MSHYCB & publ=WLHMTAG & crea=TEXT_MSHYCB_BackToSch\ ool_Cashback_BTSCashback_1x1 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2009 Report Share Posted September 8, 2009 It might be worth remembering that a lot of AS literature reckons that the emotional/maturity age is often delayed and that it might be more suitable to treat them as 2/3rds their age in terms of behaviour modification tactics. I try hard to remember this with my 8yr old DD when she is “acting like a 5 year old” – and to respond with tactics that a NT 5 year old would probably respond to more than my AS 8 year old, the problem hits when she has her “18 year old mode” and disparages all she surveys!!! I am so dreading teenage though and the raging hormones!!! a -----Original Message----- From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of rockymtnjd Sent: 08 September 2009 12:05 To: Subject: ( ) Re: My Teen age son My son turns 16 in 3wks. the sound like twins. Taking away things does not work, nor does grounding, that just adds fuel to the fire. Find a way to get through to him. Some kind of reward for not arguing. Some kind for doing his chores. It works. Get a dry erase board and put up his chores on it and his behavior, after a month if he does what you have asked then he gets a reward. This seems childish but these kids are, in some way. I hope this helps. mother of a asperger son No virus found in this outgoing message. Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.5.409 / Virus Database: 270.13.83/2352 - Release Date: 09/07/09 18:03:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2009 Report Share Posted September 8, 2009 > > I have tried that with the dry erase board and writing it on construction paper. I have also told him that If he does all his chores and does what he has to do. I will get him a bionicle, which he adores. No it doesnt sound childish, I think anything that will help my son, and the people around him. He just wants to do what he wants to do. He is on focalin now but the doctor wants to put him on seraquel. Thank you so much for your response. Hi, I'm mom to a 14yo boy with Asperger. Something to think about is that some Asperger kids don't respond to rewards and punishments the way typical kids do. Like you say, he just wants to do what he wants to do. What I have learned is a technique called first-then. I have been using it successfully for a number of years now. You change the way you word consequences. Instead of saying " if " you do such and such, then I will get you a bionicle, say " first " you must do such and such, " then " you will get a bionicle. Need I say, you must hold to your guns for this to work. This sounds very simplistic, but it works. What you're doing is taking away his option to make a bad choice. You are setting him up to be successful. I can get my son to do just about anything this way. Obviously the reward that comes with " then " has to be meaningful, preferrably to do with your son's special interest. My son is a computer nut, so the way I use this is he has to do all homework, chores, personal hygiene first before he gets the computer. He does have outbursts sometimes because he doesn't want to do the stuff, but he will do it in the end to get the computer. It still takes him longer than normal to do everything because of fussing, and his other issues, like executive dysfunction, coordination disorder, and slow processing speed. Another intervention to consider is called collaborative learning. This is where you do some of the steps of a task for your child, the ones he doesn't want to do. This makes it so he doesn't have to learn/get used to doing something in a linear fashion, but rather can learn/get used to doing the steps out of order. The idea is that, as he gets used to doing one part, he'll be ready to start doing the other parts that he refused before. For example, my son is very squeamish about touching wet or dirty things. So, I have my other son wash the laundry, and my Asperger son can dry and/or put the laundry away. Someday, I'm sure he will wash the laundry too, and he is at least participating in the process and learning part of it. Another thing is that you really don't want to let the negative behavior go on and on. It is getting your son more and more used to being that way. Find a way to isolate your son when his behavior is unacceptable. If you can isolate him so he doesn't have an audience or any audible reactions from other people, he will naturally learn self-calming techniques. Perhaps that is when you know your child needs medication--when he/she is so destructive and/or out-of-control that you don't know how to do this. So, in your case, perhaps you will have to get professional help to figure out how to make this happen. Hope this helps! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 8, 2009 Report Share Posted September 8, 2009 Those steps sound so good....I like the this then that....becuase you are right....my son never responded to rewards...I always remember kids getting excited about stickers....not my kid...and just didn't repond to the reward system...at home or in school. jan Janice Rushen "I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope" From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: ( ) Re: My Teen age son Date: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 8:58 AM >> I have tried that with the dry erase board and writing it on construction paper. I have also told him that If he does all his chores and does what he has to do. I will get him a bionicle, which he adores. No it doesnt sound childish, I think anything that will help my son, and the people around him. He just wants to do what he wants to do. He is on focalin now but the doctor wants to put him on seraquel. Thank you so much for your response.Hi, I'm mom to a 14yo boy with Asperger. Something to think about is that some Asperger kids don't respond to rewards and punishments the way typical kids do. Like you say, he just wants to do what he wants to do. What I have learned is a technique called first-then. I have been using it successfully for a number of years now.You change the way you word consequences. Instead of saying "if" you do such and such, then I will get you a bionicle, say "first" you must do such and such, "then" you will get a bionicle. Need I say, you must hold to your guns for this to work. This sounds very simplistic, but it works. What you're doing is taking away his option to make a bad choice. You are setting him up to be successful. I can get my son to do just about anything this way. Obviously the reward that comes with "then" has to be meaningful, preferrably to do with your son's special interest. My son is a computer nut, so the way I use this is he has to do all homework, chores, personal hygiene first before he gets the computer. He does have outbursts sometimes because he doesn't want to do the stuff, but he will do it in the end to get the computer. It still takes him longer than normal to do everything because of fussing, and his other issues, like executive dysfunction, coordination disorder, and slow processing speed.Another intervention to consider is called collaborative learning. This is where you do some of the steps of a task for your child, the ones he doesn't want to do. This makes it so he doesn't have to learn/get used to doing something in a linear fashion, but rather can learn/get used to doing the steps out of order. The idea is that, as he gets used to doing one part, he'll be ready to start doing the other parts that he refused before. For example, my son is very squeamish about touching wet or dirty things. So, I have my other son wash the laundry, and my Asperger son can dry and/or put the laundry away. Someday, I'm sure he will wash the laundry too, and he is at least participating in the process and learning part of it.Another thing is that you really don't want to let the negative behavior go on and on. It is getting your son more and more used to being that way. Find a way to isolate your son when his behavior is unacceptable. If you can isolate him so he doesn't have an audience or any audible reactions from other people, he will naturally learn self-calming techniques. Perhaps that is when you know your child needs medication-- when he/she is so destructive and/or out-of-control that you don't know how to do this. So, in your case, perhaps you will have to get professional help to figure out how to make this happen.Hope this helps! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2009 Report Share Posted September 9, 2009 Yes, we do this too, if we are trying to get out the house and my son is busy doing something, I ask can you put your shoes on til I'm blue in the face, but if I ask him will you put your shoes on first then build your toy, he goes and puts his shoes on, its magic. From: r_woman2 <me2ruth (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: My Teen age son Date: Tuesday, September 8, 2009, 8:58 AM >> I have tried that with the dry erase board and writing it on construction paper. I have also told him that If he does all his chores and does what he has to do. I will get him a bionicle, which he adores. No it doesnt sound childish, I think anything that will help my son, and the people around him. He just wants to do what he wants to do. He is on focalin now but the doctor wants to put him on seraquel. Thank you so much for your response.Hi, I'm mom to a 14yo boy with Asperger. Something to think about is that some Asperger kids don't respond to rewards and punishments the way typical kids do. Like you say, he just wants to do what he wants to do. What I have learned is a technique called first-then. I have been using it successfully for a number of years now.You change the way you word consequences. Instead of saying "if" you do such and such, then I will get you a bionicle, say "first" you must do such and such, "then" you will get a bionicle. Need I say, you must hold to your guns for this to work. This sounds very simplistic, but it works. What you're doing is taking away his option to make a bad choice. You are setting him up to be successful. I can get my son to do just about anything this way. Obviously the reward that comes with "then" has to be meaningful, preferrably to do with your son's special interest. My son is a computer nut, so the way I use this is he has to do all homework, chores, personal hygiene first before he gets the computer. He does have outbursts sometimes because he doesn't want to do the stuff, but he will do it in the end to get the computer. It still takes him longer than normal to do everything because of fussing, and his other issues, like executive dysfunction, coordination disorder, and slow processing speed.Another intervention to consider is called collaborative learning. This is where you do some of the steps of a task for your child, the ones he doesn't want to do. This makes it so he doesn't have to learn/get used to doing something in a linear fashion, but rather can learn/get used to doing the steps out of order. The idea is that, as he gets used to doing one part, he'll be ready to start doing the other parts that he refused before. For example, my son is very squeamish about touching wet or dirty things. So, I have my other son wash the laundry, and my Asperger son can dry and/or put the laundry away. Someday, I'm sure he will wash the laundry too, and he is at least participating in the process and learning part of it.Another thing is that you really don't want to let the negative behavior go on and on. It is getting your son more and more used to being that way. Find a way to isolate your son when his behavior is unacceptable. If you can isolate him so he doesn't have an audience or any audible reactions from other people, he will naturally learn self-calming techniques. Perhaps that is when you know your child needs medication-- when he/she is so destructive and/or out-of-control that you don't know how to do this. So, in your case, perhaps you will have to get professional help to figure out how to make this happen.Hope this helps! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2009 Report Share Posted September 9, 2009 > > > > I have tried that with the dry erase board and writing it on construction paper. I have also told him that If he does all his chores and does what he has to do. I will get him a bionicle, which he adores. No it doesnt sound childish, I think anything that will help my son, and the people around him. He just wants to do what he wants to do. He is on focalin now but the doctor wants to put him on seraquel. Thank you so much for your response. > > Hi, I'm mom to a 14yo boy with Asperger. Something to think about is that some Asperger kids don't respond to rewards and punishments the way typical kids do. Like you say, he just wants to do what he wants to do. What I have learned is a technique called first-then. I have been using it successfully for a number of years now. > > You change the way you word consequences. Instead of saying " if " you do such and such, then I will get you a bionicle, say " first " you must do such and such, " then " you will get a bionicle. Need I say, you must hold to your guns for this to work. This sounds very simplistic, but it works. What you're doing is taking away his option to make a bad choice. You are setting him up to be successful. > > I can get my son to do just about anything this way. Obviously the reward that comes with " then " has to be meaningful, preferrably to do with your son's special interest. My son is a computer nut, so the way I use this is he has to do all homework, chores, personal hygiene first before he gets the computer. He does have outbursts sometimes because he doesn't want to do the stuff, but he will do it in the end to get the computer. It still takes him longer than normal to do everything because of fussing, and his other issues, like executive dysfunction, coordination disorder, and slow processing speed. > > Another intervention to consider is called collaborative learning. This is where you do some of the steps of a task for your child, the ones he doesn't want to do. This makes it so he doesn't have to learn/get used to doing something in a linear fashion, but rather can learn/get used to doing the steps out of order. The idea is that, as he gets used to doing one part, he'll be ready to start doing the other parts that he refused before. For example, my son is very squeamish about touching wet or dirty things. So, I have my other son wash the laundry, and my Asperger son can dry and/or put the laundry away. Someday, I'm sure he will wash the laundry too, and he is at least participating in the process and learning part of it. > > Another thing is that you really don't want to let the negative behavior go on and on. It is getting your son more and more used to being that way. Find a way to isolate your son when his behavior is unacceptable. If you can isolate him so he doesn't have an audience or any audible reactions from other people, he will naturally learn self-calming techniques. Perhaps that is when you know your child needs medication-- when he/she is so destructive and/or out-of-control that you don't know how to do this. So, in your case, perhaps you will have to get professional help to figure out how to make this happen. > > Hope this helps! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2009 Report Share Posted September 9, 2009 lol, re 16yr old that answers back like he's the boss, my 6 yr old frequently retorts "I am the master of this house, I make the rules" We have found out he has desided that along with that his Dad is the master boss and he's incharge of grass cutting and I am the mastermind and I'm incharge of the computer. From: filomenanap <filomenanap@...>Subject: ( ) Re: My Teen age son Date: Wednesday, 9 September, 2009, 1:27 PM > >> > I have tried that with the dry erase board and writing it on construction paper. I have also told him that If he does all his chores and does what he has to do. I will get him a bionicle, which he adores. No it doesnt sound childish, I think anything that will help my son, and the people around him. He just wants to do what he wants to do. He is on focalin now but the doctor wants to put him on seraquel. Thank you so much for your response.> > Hi, I'm mom to a 14yo boy with Asperger. Something to think about is that some Asperger kids don't respond to rewards and punishments the way typical kids do. Like you say, he just wants to do what he wants to do. What I have learned is a technique called first-then. I have been using it successfully for a number of years now.> > You change the way you word consequences. Instead of saying "if" you do such and such, then I will get you a bionicle, say "first" you must do such and such, "then" you will get a bionicle. Need I say, you must hold to your guns for this to work. This sounds very simplistic, but it works. What you're doing is taking away his option to make a bad choice. You are setting him up to be successful. > > I can get my son to do just about anything this way. Obviously the reward that comes with "then" has to be meaningful, preferrably to do with your son's special interest. My son is a computer nut, so the way I use this is he has to do all homework, chores, personal hygiene first before he gets the computer. He does have outbursts sometimes because he doesn't want to do the stuff, but he will do it in the end to get the computer. It still takes him longer than normal to do everything because of fussing, and his other issues, like executive dysfunction, coordination disorder, and slow processing speed.> > Another intervention to consider is called collaborative learning. This is where you do some of the steps of a task for your child, the ones he doesn't want to do. This makes it so he doesn't have to learn/get used to doing something in a linear fashion, but rather can learn/get used to doing the steps out of order. The idea is that, as he gets used to doing one part, he'll be ready to start doing the other parts that he refused before. For example, my son is very squeamish about touching wet or dirty things. So, I have my other son wash the laundry, and my Asperger son can dry and/or put the laundry away. Someday, I'm sure he will wash the laundry too, and he is at least participating in the process and learning part of it.> > Another thing is that you really don't want to let the negative behavior go on and on. It is getting your son more and more used to being that way. Find a way to isolate your son when his behavior is unacceptable. If you can isolate him so he doesn't have an audience or any audible reactions from other people, he will naturally learn self-calming techniques. Perhaps that is when you know your child needs medication-- when he/she is so destructive and/or out-of-control that you don't know how to do this. So, in your case, perhaps you will have to get professional help to figure out how to make this happen.> > Hope this helps!> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2009 Report Share Posted September 9, 2009 ---It is also because they don't like to be told to do anything, they like having the last word. My son who is almost 16 does not like any authority at all!!!! We fight about it all the time but don't give in. ttys teresa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 9, 2009 Report Share Posted September 9, 2009 > > ---It is also because they don't like to be told to do anything, they like having the last word. My son who is almost 16 does not like any authority at all!!!! We fight about it all the time but don't give in. ttys teresa > Hi , Thank you for your response. I am starting to see that. There are times though when I ask him to do something, He will do it. But I guess that depends on his mood. TTYS Mena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 10, 2009 Report Share Posted September 10, 2009 Exactly, and when he does something he is suppose to do praise him even if it is a little thing. teresa From: filomenanap <filomenanap@...>Subject: ( ) Re: My Teen age son Date: Wednesday, September 9, 2009, 10:30 PM >> ---It is also because they don't like to be told to do anything, they like having the last word. My son who is almost 16 does not like any authority at all!!!! We fight about it all the time but don't give in. ttys teresa>Hi , Thank you for your response. I am starting to see that. There are times though when I ask him to do something, He will do it. But I guess that depends on his mood. TTYS Mena Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 15, 2009 Report Share Posted September 15, 2009 I would solve that problem by not letting the boys have their own game system. Make it a family system. Our game systems and games are all family " owned " so there is no " He won't let me play " on there. You then decide who gets to play and can also dole out play time as a reward for good behavior as well. I would also suggest getting him into a social skill group of some sort to practice social skills. He needs to start learning how to consider other people's feelings. I would have probably told him that it isn't fair to expect people to play the minute we want them to - and discuss how sometimes we feel like doing different things. You might have to repeat that idea a million times. But start now! Â Roxanna " The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. " E. Burke Re: ( ) My Teen age son Hi, Thank you so much, I know that i cant ask him to act mature, but there are times that he can, certain situations he acts more like a 20 year old. So i just thought that maybe there was something i could say that would make him act more mature. The arguing is over things that arent even important like if hes playing his game cub and his brother d oesnt want to play he will say that next time he wont let him and then say this is why i dont let you play. Thanks so much Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 15, 2009 Report Share Posted September 15, 2009 My AS son is 14 and is about as mature as my 11 year old NT daughter. Having children later in life has its benefits, but dealing with their adolescent hormones during menopause is going to be very challenging. > > It might be worth remembering that a lot of AS literature reckons that > the emotional/maturity age is often delayed and that it might be more > suitable to treat them as 2/3rds their age in terms of behaviour > modification tactics. I try hard to remember this with my 8yr old DD > when she is " acting like a 5 year old " - and to respond with tactics > that a NT 5 year old would probably respond to more than my AS 8 year > old, the problem hits when she has her " 18 year old mode " and disparages > all she surveys!!! I am so dreading teenage though and the raging > hormones!!! > > a > > > > ( ) Re: My Teen age son > > > My son turns 16 in 3wks. the sound like twins. Taking away things does > not work, nor does grounding, that just adds fuel to the fire. Find a > way to get through to him. Some kind of reward for not arguing. Some > kind for doing his chores. It works. Get a dry erase board and put up > his chores on it and his behavior, after a month if he does what you > have asked then he gets a reward. This seems childish but these kids > are, in some way. I hope this helps. mother of a asperger son > > No virus found in this outgoing message. > Checked by AVG - www.avg.com > Version: 8.5.409 / Virus Database: 270.13.83/2352 - Release Date: > 09/07/09 18:03:00 > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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