Re: Who knows your child has Aspergers?

[Guest guest]

Laurel,

In my opinion (and as you also said) your son is already "the different kid" in the neighborhood. Giving his difference a name isn't going to make it worse, and it may make it easier for others to undersand. For those who don't know AS, you may have to add a simple explanation (it's a developmental disorder...)

As for telling your son, ours was 12 when we got his DX, and we shared it with him right away. It may help your son understand why he struggles with things that come naturally to other kids. (It can also backfire on you if he choses to blame everything on the AS!).

His teenage sisters sometimes have to tell him to stop being such an ass burger! (that just crackes him up!)

Good luck!

Kathy

From: Laurel <laurel8690@...> Sent: Tue, March 9, 2010 4:40:29 PMSubject: ( ) Who knows your child has Aspergers?

We have a 9 year old boy who was dx with Aspergers when he was 5. My family and close friends, and of course teachers know because of his IEP, but what about neighbors? Although I don't feel the need to hide the fact, my husband is very wary of telling other people because they don't want Jack to be treated as "the different kid". Yet, when it comes to neighborhood get-togethers, and Jack plays with other children, it is painfully obvious that he is different.I wonder if telling people he has Aspergers would even mean anything to people outside of this community. For the layperson, if you say "Autism", you get an ohhh and a nod of recognition. Same with cancer, ADHD, etc. Yet, I don't think that Aspergers is a household word yet, so then I'd have to try to briefly explain it. I hope for understanding from other parents, so they can tell their kids to be a bit more sensitive, but maybe this is in vain. Jack's been called a "wierdo" by kids in

our old neighborhood. Kids pick up on differences and exploit them. It's like Lord of the Flies!Also, we have not told Jack that he has Aspergers. (His 11 year old brother was just told so he would stop the loud sudden noises and to be mindful of other sensory Jack has). Should we tell him? Or would that make him feel more isolated? He is just now making friends with classmates, but it's still new and tentative for him. He has really struggled with being in a new school, wanting desperately to make friends and yet not knowing how, or picking up cues from other kids that they do in fact want to play with him. I fear making that situation worse.Thoughts?Laurel

[Guest guest]

When I decide to tell someone (which I am usually pretty open to doing) I

usually start out by referring to it as High Functioning Autism. Like you said

the word Autism is understood. If it is someone that I know well I will usually

have the ability to explain in more detail because they want to know more.

Those of us in the " community " understand that there is somewhat of a difference

but I don't really worry about the technicallities out in the world. I just

want people to be aware that there is a problem and hopefully they, and there

kids, will be more tolerant.

Vickie

>

> We have a 9 year old boy who was dx with Aspergers when he was 5. My family

and close friends, and of course teachers know because of his IEP, but what

about neighbors? Although I don't feel the need to hide the fact, my husband is

very wary of telling other people because they don't want Jack to be treated as

" the different kid " . Yet, when it comes to neighborhood get-togethers, and Jack

plays with other children, it is painfully obvious that he is different.

>

> I wonder if telling people he has Aspergers would even mean anything to people

outside of this community. For the layperson, if you say " Autism " , you get an

ohhh and a nod of recognition. Same with cancer, ADHD, etc. Yet, I don't think

that Aspergers is a household word yet, so then I'd have to try to briefly

explain it. I hope for understanding from other parents, so they can tell their

kids to be a bit more sensitive, but maybe this is in vain. Jack's been called

a " wierdo " by kids in our old neighborhood. Kids pick up on differences and

exploit them. It's like Lord of the Flies!

>

> Also, we have not told Jack that he has Aspergers. (His 11 year old brother

was just told so he would stop the loud sudden noises and to be mindful of other

sensory Jack has). Should we tell him? Or would that make him feel more

isolated? He is just now making friends with classmates, but it's still new and

tentative for him. He has really struggled with being in a new school, wanting

desperately to make friends and yet not knowing how, or picking up cues from

other kids that they do in fact want to play with him. I fear making that

situation worse.

>

> Thoughts?

>

> Laurel

>

[Guest guest]

I think there is a movement to get rid of the descriptions, " high/low functioning. " The best example someone used was something like this: If they were at a party with a large group of students and profs from MIT, they would definitely be the, " lowest functioning " person in THAT room. The level of " functioning " is all relative. My friends with non-verbal kids really dislike the labeling of low functioning to describe their kids. They say that their kids excel in areas without vocal language and do not consider their kids " low functioning. " I get that point and am diligently not using the labels of function but try to refer to the, " spectrum " to which many kids are a part of.

On Wed, Mar 10, 2010 at 9:41 AM, baneline1 <baneline1@...> wrote:

 

When I decide to tell someone (which I am usually pretty open to doing) I usually start out by referring to it as High Functioning Autism. Like you said the word Autism is understood. If it is someone that I know well I will usually have the ability to explain in more detail because they want to know more. Those of us in the " community " understand that there is somewhat of a difference but I don't really worry about the technicallities out in the world. I just want people to be aware that there is a problem and hopefully they, and there kids, will be more tolerant.

Vickie>> We have a 9 year old boy who was dx with Aspergers when he was 5. My family and close friends, and of course teachers know because of his IEP, but what about neighbors? Although I don't feel the need to hide the fact, my husband is very wary of telling other people because they don't want Jack to be treated as " the different kid " . Yet, when it comes to neighborhood get-togethers, and Jack plays with other children, it is painfully obvious that he is different.

> > I wonder if telling people he has Aspergers would even mean anything to people outside of this community. For the layperson, if you say " Autism " , you get an ohhh and a nod of recognition. Same with cancer, ADHD, etc. Yet, I don't think that Aspergers is a household word yet, so then I'd have to try to briefly explain it. I hope for understanding from other parents, so they can tell their kids to be a bit more sensitive, but maybe this is in vain. Jack's been called a " wierdo " by kids in our old neighborhood. Kids pick up on differences and exploit them. It's like Lord of the Flies!

> > Also, we have not told Jack that he has Aspergers. (His 11 year old brother was just told so he would stop the loud sudden noises and to be mindful of other sensory Jack has). Should we tell him? Or would that make him feel more isolated? He is just now making friends with classmates, but it's still new and tentative for him. He has really struggled with being in a new school, wanting desperately to make friends and yet not knowing how, or picking up cues from other kids that they do in fact want to play with him. I fear making that situation worse.

> > Thoughts?> > Laurel>

[Guest guest]

We havent told our daughter, but there are times like Monday when she was starting a tantrum and we had to leave a restaurant before even ordering that I'd love to just brush it off to someone as " she has autism " b/c she is hfa not asp and the word autism has that stigma, so it almost feels like their stairing at me might change from a " I can't believe your such a bad mom you let a 10 yr old be so bratty " to that nod of i'm sure glad its not me but why did you bother taking her out in public.

 

The school knows, but even her teachers it feels like (from the way they use the word manipulation so much) that they're thinking of the stereotypical " autism " so thinking she doesnt have " that " and is just our excuse for why shes a brat.

 

I am planning on telling my 13 yr old and havent had much luck finidng a book I could recommend to her if she wants more than my explanation.  All the sibling books I find are for littler kids and all the adult books go into way more detail and explanation than she needs so would just be so long for her.  Even if I could find a short general info book for parents, caregivers, or just general knowledge it would be something (my 13 yr old is in 8th grade but her reading level is college sophomore and she wants to be a vetrinarian so knows some medical jargon so would probably understand the book better than I do).  I mean she knows certain things from just having seen it or we have talked about her not getting the sarcasm so thats why some things offend her, etc but never gone full detail into it and her current problems during this meds change has me realising her sister needs to know

On Wed, Mar 10, 2010 at 12:13 AM, Kathy Manzano <kathy.manzano@...> wrote:

 

Laurel,

In my opinion (and as you also said) your son is already " the different kid " in the neighborhood. Giving his difference a name isn't going to make it worse, and it may make it easier for others to undersand. For those who don't know AS, you may have to add a simple explanation (it's a developmental disorder...)

 

As for telling your son, ours was 12 when we got his DX, and we shared it with him right away. It may help your son understand why he struggles with things that come naturally to other kids. (It can also backfire on you if he choses to blame everything on the AS!).

 

His teenage sisters sometimes have to tell him to stop being such an ass burger! (that just crackes him up!)

 

Good luck!

 

Kathy

 

From: Laurel <laurel8690@...>

Sent: Tue, March 9, 2010 4:40:29 PMSubject: ( ) Who knows your child has Aspergers?

 

We have a 9 year old boy who was dx with Aspergers when he was 5. My family and close friends, and of course teachers know because of his IEP, but what about neighbors? Although I don't feel the need to hide the fact, my husband is very wary of telling other people because they don't want Jack to be treated as " the different kid " . Yet, when it comes to neighborhood get-togethers, and Jack plays with other children, it is painfully obvious that he is different.

I wonder if telling people he has Aspergers would even mean anything to people outside of this community. For the layperson, if you say " Autism " , you get an ohhh and a nod of recognition. Same with cancer, ADHD, etc. Yet, I don't think that Aspergers is a household word yet, so then I'd have to try to briefly explain it. I hope for understanding from other parents, so they can tell their kids to be a bit more sensitive, but maybe this is in vain. Jack's been called a " wierdo " by kids in our old neighborhood. Kids pick up on differences and exploit them. It's like Lord of the Flies!

Also, we have not told Jack that he has Aspergers. (His 11 year old brother was just told so he would stop the loud sudden noises and to be mindful of other sensory Jack has). Should we tell him? Or would that make him feel more isolated? He is just now making friends with classmates, but it's still new and tentative for him. He has really struggled with being in a new school, wanting desperately to make friends and yet not knowing how, or picking up cues from other kids that they do in fact want to play with him. I fear making that situation worse.

Thoughts?Laurel

-- -mommy to Emma, Becca, , and Girl Scout cookies are coming!

[Guest guest]

My daughter is accustomed to having ADHD, so we simply told her we are checking to see if perhaps she really has a different condition called Asperger's. She gets so frustrated with herself and her problems in school that I think she is relieved to know there might be a reason and she is not just stupid. (she is actually far from stupid. We are constantly told how bright she is)As for her sister, who is 11, I told her to think of on America's Next Top Model a few seasons back. She got that. From: funwith4@...Date: Wed, 10 Mar 2010 10:20:16 -0500Subject: Re: ( ) Who knows your child has Aspergers?

We havent told our daughter, but there are times like Monday when she was starting a tantrum and we had to leave a restaurant before even ordering that I'd love to just brush it off to someone as "she has autism" b/c she is hfa not asp and the word autism has that stigma, so it almost feels like their stairing at me might change from a "I can't believe your such a bad mom you let a 10 yr old be so bratty" to that nod of i'm sure glad its not me but why did you bother taking her out in public.

The school knows, but even her teachers it feels like (from the way they use the word manipulation so much) that they're thinking of the stereotypical "autism" so thinking she doesnt have "that" and is just our excuse for why shes a brat.

I am planning on telling my 13 yr old and havent had much luck finidng a book I could recommend to her if she wants more than my explanation. All the sibling books I find are for littler kids and all the adult books go into way more detail and explanation than she needs so would just be so long for her. Even if I could find a short general info book for parents, caregivers, or just general knowledge it would be something (my 13 yr old is in 8th grade but her reading level is college sophomore and she wants to be a vetrinarian so knows some medical jargon so would probably understand the book better than I do). I mean she knows certain things from just having seen it or we have talked about her not getting the sarcasm so thats why some things offend her, etc but never gone full detail into it and her current problems during this meds change has me realising her sister needs to know

On Wed, Mar 10, 2010 at 12:13 AM, Kathy Manzano <kathy.manzano > wrote:

Laurel,

In my opinion (and as you also said) your son is already "the different kid" in the neighborhood. Giving his difference a name isn't going to make it worse, and it may make it easier for others to undersand. For those who don't know AS, you may have to add a simple explanation (it's a developmental disorder...)

As for telling your son, ours was 12 when we got his DX, and we shared it with him right away. It may help your son understand why he struggles with things that come naturally to other kids. (It can also backfire on you if he choses to blame everything on the AS!).

His teenage sisters sometimes have to tell him to stop being such an ass burger! (that just crackes him up!)

Good luck!

Kathy

From: Laurel <laurel8690 >

Sent: Tue, March 9, 2010 4:40:29 PMSubject: ( ) Who knows your child has Aspergers?

We have a 9 year old boy who was dx with Aspergers when he was 5. My family and close friends, and of course teachers know because of his IEP, but what about neighbors? Although I don't feel the need to hide the fact, my husband is very wary of telling other people because they don't want Jack to be treated as "the different kid". Yet, when it comes to neighborhood get-togethers, and Jack plays with other children, it is painfully obvious that he is different.

I wonder if telling people he has Aspergers would even mean anything to people outside of this community. For the layperson, if you say "Autism", you get an ohhh and a nod of recognition. Same with cancer, ADHD, etc. Yet, I don't think that Aspergers is a household word yet, so then I'd have to try to briefly explain it. I hope for understanding from other parents, so they can tell their kids to be a bit more sensitive, but maybe this is in vain. Jack's been called a "wierdo" by kids in our old neighborhood. Kids pick up on differences and exploit them. It's like Lord of the Flies!

Also, we have not told Jack that he has Aspergers. (His 11 year old brother was just told so he would stop the loud sudden noises and to be mindful of other sensory Jack has). Should we tell him? Or would that make him feel more isolated? He is just now making friends with classmates, but it's still new and tentative for him. He has really struggled with being in a new school, wanting desperately to make friends and yet not knowing how, or picking up cues from other kids that they do in fact want to play with him. I fear making that situation worse.

Thoughts?Laurel

-- -mommy to Emma, Becca, , and Girl Scout cookies are coming!

Your E-mail and More On-the-Go. Get Windows Live Hotmail Free. Sign up now.

[Guest guest]

We have known that Gregor has Aspergers for a year or so, although we have never had a formal diagnosis, we have always been very open with him, we explained that he finds somethings easier than other kids like reading and maths, but some other things he find hard like playing and this is because he uses his brain a little differently, its not anything he is doing wrong, but as he gets older he can learn to do the same things as other kids, if he wants to.

When we are out he does shout sometimes, but now he knows if he doesn't keep control he loses out, so as he gets older this happens less and less. I don't explain to random strangers that look disapproving, it isn't going to make my son act differently and I don't want him to use it as an excuse. All our friends and family know, so any partys or trips he is on they know me or my husband will be there, they all know that we will take care of Gregor if anything happens, they have learned, the hard way sometimes, if they don't have the right approach they could just make things a lot worse.

I definately think you should tell her sister, perhaps make a list of the different things they are good at and explain HFA could be why they are good at different things, if your explanation isn't sufficient let her google it! lol

Laurel,

In my opinion (and as you also said) your son is already "the different kid" in the neighborhood. Giving his difference a name isn't going to make it worse, and it may make it easier for others to undersand. For those who don't know AS, you may have to add a simple explanation (it's a developmental disorder...)

As for telling your son, ours was 12 when we got his DX, and we shared it with him right away. It may help your son understand why he struggles with things that come naturally to other kids. (It can also backfire on you if he choses to blame everything on the AS!).

His teenage sisters sometimes have to tell him to stop being such an ass burger! (that just crackes him up!)

Good luck!

Kathy

From: Laurel <laurel8690 (DOT) com> Sent: Tue, March 9, 2010 4:40:29 PMSubject: ( ) Who knows your child has Aspergers?

We have a 9 year old boy who was dx with Aspergers when he was 5. My family and close friends, and of course teachers know because of his IEP, but what about neighbors? Although I don't feel the need to hide the fact, my husband is very wary of telling other people because they don't want Jack to be treated as "the different kid". Yet, when it comes to neighborhood get-togethers, and Jack plays with other children, it is painfully obvious that he is different.I wonder if telling people he has Aspergers would even mean anything to people outside of this community. For the layperson, if you say "Autism", you get an ohhh and a nod of recognition. Same with cancer, ADHD, etc. Yet, I don't think that Aspergers is a household word yet, so then I'd have to try to briefly explain it. I hope for understanding from other parents, so they can tell their kids to be a bit more sensitive, but maybe this is in vain. Jack's been called a "wierdo" by kids in

our old neighborhood. Kids pick up on differences and exploit them. It's like Lord of the Flies!Also, we have not told Jack that he has Aspergers. (His 11 year old brother was just told so he would stop the loud sudden noises and to be mindful of other sensory Jack has). Should we tell him? Or would that make him feel more isolated? He is just now making friends with classmates, but it's still new and tentative for him. He has really struggled with being in a new school, wanting desperately to make friends and yet not knowing how, or picking up cues from other kids that they do in fact want to play with him. I fear making that situation worse.Thoughts?Laurel

-- -mommy to Emma, Becca, , and Girl Scout cookies are coming!

[Guest guest]

My son is 7 and the Child Specialist helped us explain it to Jakob. But now Jakob simply tells anyone who ask why he does this or that different that and i quote " I have Autism or Aspergers, it makes me crazy". Last night I was informed at my parent teacher conference that when Jakob started his new school and program, he walked up to every teacher, held out his hand, and said " Hi, I'm Jakob and I am new. I have Aspergers" and shook their hand. He used to not talk to anyone, and with ALOT of encouragement and help, look at him now! I wouldn't keep it from your child. TeamJakobSupport children with Aspergers,With your support their is no limit to Jakob's success!!

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Wed, March 10, 2010 11:44:23 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Who knows your child has Aspergers?

We have known that Gregor has Aspergers for a year or so, although we have never had a formal diagnosis, we have always been very open with him, we explained that he finds somethings easier than other kids like reading and maths, but some other things he find hard like playing and this is because he uses his brain a little differently, its not anything he is doing wrong, but as he gets older he can learn to do the same things as other kids, if he wants to.

When we are out he does shout sometimes, but now he knows if he doesn't keep control he loses out, so as he gets older this happens less and less. I don't explain to random strangers that look disapproving, it isn't going to make my son act differently and I don't want him to use it as an excuse. All our friends and family know, so any partys or trips he is on they know me or my husband will be there, they all know that we will take care of Gregor if anything happens, they have learned, the hard way sometimes, if they don't have the right approach they could just make things a lot worse.

I definately think you should tell her sister, perhaps make a list of the different things they are good at and explain HFA could be why they are good at different things, if your explanation isn't sufficient let her google it! lol

Laurel,

In my opinion (and as you also said) your son is already "the different kid" in the neighborhood. Giving his difference a name isn't going to make it worse, and it may make it easier for others to undersand. For those who don't know AS, you may have to add a simple explanation (it's a developmental disorder...)

As for telling your son, ours was 12 when we got his DX, and we shared it with him right away. It may help your son understand why he struggles with things that come naturally to other kids. (It can also backfire on you if he choses to blame everything on the AS!).

His teenage sisters sometimes have to tell him to stop being such an ass burger! (that just crackes him up!)

Good luck!

Kathy

From: Laurel <laurel8690 (DOT) com> Sent: Tue, March 9, 2010 4:40:29 PMSubject: ( ) Who knows your child has Aspergers?

We have a 9 year old boy who was dx with Aspergers when he was 5. My family and close friends, and of course teachers know because of his IEP, but what about neighbors? Although I don't feel the need to hide the fact, my husband is very wary of telling other people because they don't want Jack to be treated as "the different kid". Yet, when it comes to neighborhood get-togethers, and Jack plays with other children, it is painfully obvious that he is different.I wonder if telling people he has Aspergers would even mean anything to people outside of this community. For the layperson, if you say "Autism", you get an ohhh and a nod of recognition. Same with cancer, ADHD, etc. Yet, I don't think that Aspergers is a household word yet, so then I'd have to try to briefly explain it. I hope for understanding from other parents, so they can tell their kids to be a bit more sensitive, but maybe this is in vain. Jack's been called a "wierdo" by kids in

our old neighborhood. Kids pick up on differences and exploit them. It's like Lord of the Flies!Also, we have not told Jack that he has Aspergers. (His 11 year old brother was just told so he would stop the loud sudden noises and to be mindful of other sensory Jack has). Should we tell him? Or would that make him feel more isolated? He is just now making friends with classmates, but it's still new and tentative for him. He has really struggled with being in a new school, wanting desperately to make friends and yet not knowing how, or picking up cues from other kids that they do in fact want to play with him. I fear making that situation worse.Thoughts?Laurel

-- -mommy to Emma, Becca, , and Girl Scout cookies are coming!

[Guest guest]

Hi Laurel,

In my experience with my son who is now 12. I told him about his DX as soon as he was old enough to understand. His therapist also explained it to him. this was around 2nd grade. I had to tell him because he always gets pulled out for services, doctors, therapy, skills, tutors, etc...He would wonder why - because not all kids get pulled out for extra help.

IMO- I feel it was helpful explaining his DX to others (when he was younger) so they can understand him better. but you know - you will always get that one person that is just impossible. that one person is everyplace. your work, your neighborhood, store, etc... but for the most, people understand better when you explain it to them. I learned this when my children invited a few friends to the beach and I saw the way one child was acting and needed one on one supervision for that child's proctection. I wondered WHY the parents didn't let me know about any concerns with their child. I would have been better prepared. Not a word. when I brought this to their attention they then said yes, he has ADHD, and a few other problems. also on meds which made a hugh difference if I know. I also found out that day at the beach that this child didn't know how to swim and was ready to jump of the

dock. yikes!

Just so you don't judge this parent - she was just so happy he got invited out and she got a little break. still would have helped if I knew...With that said, people that I told my son has aspergers, they were fine with it and more open with concerns with their own child. Not all, but most. I dont' share this as much now that he is 12. Only with the people that matters like at sports, clubs, etc... just so they understand that he learns different. Hope this helps.

From: Laurel <laurel8690@...> Sent: Tue, March 9, 2010 7:40:29 PMSubject: ( ) Who knows your child has Aspergers?

We have a 9 year old boy who was dx with Aspergers when he was 5. My family and close friends, and of course teachers know because of his IEP, but what about neighbors? Although I don't feel the need to hide the fact, my husband is very wary of telling other people because they don't want Jack to be treated as "the different kid". Yet, when it comes to neighborhood get-togethers, and Jack plays with other children, it is painfully obvious that he is different.I wonder if telling people he has Aspergers would even mean anything to people outside of this community. For the layperson, if you say "Autism", you get an ohhh and a nod of recognition. Same with cancer, ADHD, etc. Yet, I don't think that Aspergers is a household word yet, so then I'd have to try to briefly explain it. I hope for understanding from other parents, so they can tell their kids to be a bit more sensitive, but maybe this is in vain. Jack's been called a "wierdo" by kids in

our old neighborhood. Kids pick up on differences and exploit them. It's like Lord of the Flies!Also, we have not told Jack that he has Aspergers. (His 11 year old brother was just told so he would stop the loud sudden noises and to be mindful of other sensory Jack has). Should we tell him? Or would that make him feel more isolated? He is just now making friends with classmates, but it's still new and tentative for him. He has really struggled with being in a new school, wanting desperately to make friends and yet not knowing how, or picking up cues from other kids that they do in fact want to play with him. I fear making that situation worse.Thoughts?Laurel

[Guest guest]

We did not tell my son for many years. I think he was 7 or 8 when the discussion happened. I think he knew he was different but I don't know if he knew why. He's had an IEP since he was 3 and so he's been around when conversations with teachers, aides, and therapists occured.

About a year ago, I introduced him to our state representative and explained that he had autism. We are trying to pass a state law in my state to mandate insurance coverage for autism and I wanted to "put a face" to the issue. I wanted the state representative to remember my son when he voted. My son was NOT happy with me for introducting him that way. He said, "Mom, please don't do that. You really embarrassed me."

I would say, overall, I'm selective about who I tell. It depends on the situation.

Recently, however, my son has been saying that he has autism as an excuse when he gets in trouble. I really don't like that. If he has done something wrong and he KNOWS it, then I refuse to let him do that. I try really hard for his school to take his autism into consideration but if he abuses that as an excuse then that lessens the message for when it pertains to the situation and does matter. I would be curious if any other parent has this situation. What does a parent do?

"Scrapbooking is a wonderful way of celebrating what I have, dreaming of what could be and healing, while coming to terms with what might never be." --Mou Saha

From: Laurel <laurel8690@...>Subject: ( ) Who knows your child has Aspergers? Date: Tuesday, March 9, 2010, 6:40 PM

We have a 9 year old boy who was dx with Aspergers when he was 5. My family and close friends, and of course teachers know because of his IEP, but what about neighbors? Although I don't feel the need to hide the fact, my husband is very wary of telling other people because they don't want Jack to be treated as "the different kid". Yet, when it comes to neighborhood get-togethers, and Jack plays with other children, it is painfully obvious that he is different.I wonder if telling people he has Aspergers would even mean anything to people outside of this community. For the layperson, if you say "Autism", you get an ohhh and a nod of recognition. Same with cancer, ADHD, etc. Yet, I don't think that Aspergers is a household word yet, so then I'd have to try to briefly explain it. I hope for understanding from other parents, so they can tell their kids to be a bit more sensitive, but maybe this is in vain. Jack's been called a "wierdo" by kids in

our old neighborhood. Kids pick up on differences and exploit them. It's like Lord of the Flies!Also, we have not told Jack that he has Aspergers. (His 11 year old brother was just told so he would stop the loud sudden noises and to be mindful of other sensory Jack has). Should we tell him? Or would that make him feel more isolated? He is just now making friends with classmates, but it's still new and tentative for him. He has really struggled with being in a new school, wanting desperately to make friends and yet not knowing how, or picking up cues from other kids that they do in fact want to play with him. I fear making that situation worse.Thoughts?Laurel

[Guest guest]

I am usually very open and forward b/c I am used to it for activism

type things, like bfing especially the public issues, babywearing,

attachment parenting, etc plus when my son had his cranial band I

wanted to clear up misconceptions about plagiocephaly. In college I

always joked I'd love to be a professional student b/c I enjoy

reading, studying, etc. So I think I just had to throw my passions

elsewhere once I was a sahm. Anyway so I am used to being open but

haven't been about the hfa b/c wasn't sure if others would feel I was

being to revealing or trying to make excuses for my child. Its good

to hear some people are open about it

On 3/10/10, Rose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote:

> Hi Laurel,

> In my experience with my son who is now 12.  I told him about his DX as soon

> as he was old enough to understand.  His therapist also explained it to

> him.  this was around 2nd grade.  I had to tell him because he always gets

> pulled out for services, doctors, therapy, skills, tutors, etc...He would

> wonder why - because not all kids get pulled out for extra help.

> IMO- I feel it was helpful explaining his DX to others (when he was

> younger) so they can understand him better.  but you know - you will always

> get that one person that is just impossible.  that one person is

> everyplace.  your work, your neighborhood, store, etc... but for the most,

> people understand better when you explain it to them.  I learned this when

> my children invited a few friends to the beach and I saw the way one child

> was acting and needed one on one supervision for that child's proctection.

> I wondered WHY the parents didn't let me know about any concerns with their

> child.  I would have been better prepared.  Not a word.  when I brought this

> to their attention they then said yes, he has ADHD, and a few other

> problems.  also on meds which made a hugh difference if I know.  I also

> found out that day at the beach that this child didn't know how to swim and

> was ready to jump of the dock.  yikes!

> Just so you don't judge this parent - she was just so happy he got invited

> out and she got a little break.  still would have helped if I knew...With

> that said, people that I told my son has aspergers,  they were fine with it

> and more open with concerns with their own child.  Not all, but most.  I

> dont' share this as much now that he is 12.  Only with the people that

> matters like at sports, clubs, etc... just so they understand that he learns

> different.   Hope this helps.

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: Laurel <laurel8690@...>

>

> Sent: Tue, March 9, 2010 7:40:29 PM

> Subject: ( ) Who knows your child has Aspergers?

>

>

> We have a 9 year old boy who was dx with Aspergers when he was 5. My family

> and close friends, and of course teachers know because of his IEP, but what

> about neighbors? Although I don't feel the need to hide the fact, my husband

> is very wary of telling other people because they don't want Jack to be

> treated as " the different kid " . Yet, when it comes to neighborhood

> get-togethers, and Jack plays with other children, it is painfully obvious

> that he is different.

>

> I wonder if telling people he has Aspergers would even mean anything to

> people outside of this community. For the layperson, if you say " Autism " ,

> you get an ohhh and a nod of recognition. Same with cancer, ADHD, etc. Yet,

> I don't think that Aspergers is a household word yet, so then I'd have to

> try to briefly explain it. I hope for understanding from other parents, so

> they can tell their kids to be a bit more sensitive, but maybe this is in

> vain. Jack's been called a " wierdo " by kids in our old neighborhood. Kids

> pick up on differences and exploit them. It's like Lord of the Flies!

>

> Also, we have not told Jack that he has Aspergers. (His 11 year old brother

> was just told so he would stop the loud sudden noises and to be mindful of

> other sensory Jack has). Should we tell him? Or would that make him feel

> more isolated? He is just now making friends with classmates, but it's still

> new and tentative for him. He has really struggled with being in a new

> school, wanting desperately to make friends and yet not knowing how, or

> picking up cues from other kids that they do in fact want to play with him.

> I fear making that situation worse.

>

> Thoughts?

>

> Laurel

>

>

>

>

>

>

--

Sent from my mobile device

-mommy to Emma, Becca, ,

and

Girl Scout cookies are coming!

[Guest guest]

My son was 12 when he was officially dx with Aspergers. We told him and the

explanation seemed to help him understand why he acts the way he does. He did

not ask a ton of questions though and to date, it rarely is ever a topic of

conversation. If he did ask questions, I would have been equally relieved as

well--as his curiousity about Aspergers would have validated the reason to tell

him.

Marc

> > Hi Laurel,

> > In my experience with my son who is now 12.  I told him about his DX as soon

> > as he was old enough to understand.  His therapist also explained it to

> > him.  this was around 2nd grade.  I had to tell him because he always gets

> > pulled out for services, doctors, therapy, skills, tutors, etc...He would

> > wonder why - because not all kids get pulled out for extra help.

> > IMO- I feel it was helpful explaining his DX to others (when he was

> > younger) so they can understand him better.  but you know - you will always

> > get that one person that is just impossible.  that one person is

> > everyplace.  your work, your neighborhood, store, etc... but for the most,

> > people understand better when you explain it to them.  I learned this when

> > my children invited a few friends to the beach and I saw the way one child

> > was acting and needed one on one supervision for that child's proctection.

> > I wondered WHY the parents didn't let me know about any concerns with their

> > child.  I would have been better prepared.  Not a word.  when I brought this

> > to their attention they then said yes, he has ADHD, and a few other

> > problems.  also on meds which made a hugh difference if I know.  I also

> > found out that day at the beach that this child didn't know how to swim and

> > was ready to jump of the dock.  yikes!

> > Just so you don't judge this parent - she was just so happy he got invited

> > out and she got a little break.  still would have helped if I knew...With

> > that said, people that I told my son has aspergers,  they were fine with it

> > and more open with concerns with their own child.  Not all, but most.  I

> > dont' share this as much now that he is 12.  Only with the people that

> > matters like at sports, clubs, etc... just so they understand that he learns

> > different.   Hope this helps.

> >

> >

> >

> > ________________________________

> > From: Laurel <laurel8690@...>

> >

> > Sent: Tue, March 9, 2010 7:40:29 PM

> > Subject: ( ) Who knows your child has Aspergers?

> >

> >

> > We have a 9 year old boy who was dx with Aspergers when he was 5. My family

> > and close friends, and of course teachers know because of his IEP, but what

> > about neighbors? Although I don't feel the need to hide the fact, my husband

> > is very wary of telling other people because they don't want Jack to be

> > treated as " the different kid " . Yet, when it comes to neighborhood

> > get-togethers, and Jack plays with other children, it is painfully obvious

> > that he is different.

> >

> > I wonder if telling people he has Aspergers would even mean anything to

> > people outside of this community. For the layperson, if you say " Autism " ,

> > you get an ohhh and a nod of recognition. Same with cancer, ADHD, etc. Yet,

> > I don't think that Aspergers is a household word yet, so then I'd have to

> > try to briefly explain it. I hope for understanding from other parents, so

> > they can tell their kids to be a bit more sensitive, but maybe this is in

> > vain. Jack's been called a " wierdo " by kids in our old neighborhood. Kids

> > pick up on differences and exploit them. It's like Lord of the Flies!

> >

> > Also, we have not told Jack that he has Aspergers. (His 11 year old brother

> > was just told so he would stop the loud sudden noises and to be mindful of

> > other sensory Jack has). Should we tell him? Or would that make him feel

> > more isolated? He is just now making friends with classmates, but it's still

> > new and tentative for him. He has really struggled with being in a new

> > school, wanting desperately to make friends and yet not knowing how, or

> > picking up cues from other kids that they do in fact want to play with him.

> > I fear making that situation worse.

> >

> > Thoughts?

> >

> > Laurel

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

> --

> Sent from my mobile device

>

> -mommy to Emma, Becca, ,

> and

>

> Girl Scout cookies are coming!

>

[Guest guest]

I would say, "That's a reason why it's hard, but you still have to (whatever he is excusing)" My ds recently did say he had autism as an excuse for something. Only once, though. I just shrugged and said, "Yep, you do. Now you still need to apologize to your brother." He did argue it a bit. But I just repeated the facts back to him and eventually he apologized and hasn't tried excusing himself that way again.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Who knows your child has Aspergers?

Date: Tuesday, March 9, 2010, 6:40 PM

We have a 9 year old boy who was dx with Aspergers when he was 5. My family and close friends, and of course teachers know because of his IEP, but what about neighbors? Although I don't feel the need to hide the fact, my husband is very wary of telling other people because they don't want Jack to be treated as "the different kid". Yet, when it comes to neighborhood get-togethers, and Jack plays with other children, it is painfully obvious that he is different.

I wonder if telling people he has Aspergers would even mean anything to people outside of this community. For the layperson, if you say "Autism", you get an ohhh and a nod of recognition. Same with cancer, ADHD, etc. Yet, I don't think that Aspergers is a household word yet, so then I'd have to try to briefly explain it. I hope for understanding from other parents, so they can tell their kids to be a bit more sensitive, but maybe this is in vain. Jack's been called a "wierdo" by kids in

our old neighborhood. Kids pick up on differences and exploit them. It's like Lord of the Flies!

Also, we have not told Jack that he has Aspergers. (His 11 year old brother was just told so he would stop the loud sudden noises and to be mindful of other sensory Jack has). Should we tell him? Or would that make him feel more isolated? He is just now making friends with classmates, but it's still new and tentative for him. He has really struggled with being in a new school, wanting desperately to make friends and yet not knowing how, or picking up cues from other kids that they do in fact want to play with him. I fear making that situation worse.

Thoughts?

Laurel