Re: Please do not take this wrong...

[Guest guest]

wow....you could almost be describing my daughter! I'm not a single parent but I do have issues with her being soooo attached to me to the point of my feeling like I'm being smothered. And yes, mine talks constantly too...non-stop chatter! We haven't gotten an evaluation yet though so I don't know what her actual diagnosis is going to be. My *personal* feeling though is that she's Asperger's and ADHD with some OCD tendencies....isn't that a fun combo?

On Sun, Jul 5, 2009 at 12:00 PM, chels172001 <chels172001@...> wrote:

Hi, I am new to the group and have been observing and reading all the posts. I have been distraught over the news of my 4 year old precious little girl has Autism/Aspergers (they cant figure it out). The problem is...she is nothing like the children in the posts that i read. She has occassional emotional outbursts, tantrums, definitely some oppositional defiant stuff...but she is seriously intelligent, emotionally capable and willing to have friends and interpersonal relationships, just does not have good social skills for a four year oled. They say she interacts on the level of a three year old and has emotional instability with severe mood changes...She can be self destructive but only when she is in a bought of being a spoiled brat. And she is...for years I blamed myself because as a single parent, it was easier for me to just do things for her rather than make her do it herself...

Now as I am about to be a single parent again, I am trying to find support on dealing with her as she is a little much. She constantly talks and has what the pros call reactive attachment and she is always, I mean always, around me doing something to set me off and no matter what I try she always wins and I always just give up (which the pros say is a bad thing, but it is so exhausting)...The part about the parent not feeling attached is somewhat accurate, I love my little girl very much but there are times when it is really hard to. She is capable of expressing emotion and aknowledging her emotions and does this very verbally but a lot of the times in the wrong situation, conflicting non verbal languages, and out of context. I know that Aspergers falls under Pervasive Development Disorder...and I can see her having that but are there different levels of Aspergers just like there are different levels of Autism?

-- " It's all bullshit folks, and it's bad for ya " Carlin (RIP)

[Guest guest]

It is undeniable that there are different levels of Asperger. This makes it very difficult to treat this syndrome, even though there are also common traits that define the existence of this condition. There are also ups and downs present on each individual. Also, the traits evolve and become less or more prevalent down the road. It took me years to believe my AS dd really had AS, she was very normal until 6, only difference was her amazing intellectual abilities. Everything was gradual, specially her motor skills issues, sensory problems, obsessive conduct, social impairment etc. She is 18 now, if you look at her you can notice she is very different, how she walks, her gaze, etc. Her intellectual abilities are way above normal and College works as therapy for her. Her extreme sensitivity makes her suffer for all the things that disrupt her routines.I often think that even though she was born predispossed with the onset of this condition, AS was triggered by the vaccines. The condition started developing by then. She was a very normal girl before we had to do the whole vaccine battery required for school. She was very bright as well as happy. She is very bright now but she always seem sad since she cannot express her feelings and she has a hard time controlling her temper and her obsessions. It is a difficult road and it has to be taken with unlimited love and patience. Good luckAnaSent from my BlackBerry® smartphone with SprintSpeedFrom: "chels172001" Date: Sun, 05 Jul 2009 19:00:28 -0000< >Subject: ( ) Please do not take this wrong... Hi, I am new to the group and have been observing and reading all the posts. I have been distraught over the news of my 4 year old precious little girl has Autism/Aspergers (they cant figure it out). The problem is...she is nothing like the children in the posts that i read. She has occassional emotional outbursts, tantrums, definitely some oppositional defiant stuff...but she is seriously intelligent, emotionally capable and willing to have friends and interpersonal relationships, just does not have good social skills for a four year oled. They say she interacts on the level of a three year old and has emotional instability with severe mood changes...She can be self destructive but only when she is in a bought of being a spoiled brat. And she is...for years I blamed myself because as a single parent, it was easier for me to just do things for her rather than make her do it herself... Now as I am about to be a single parent again, I am trying to find support on dealing with her as she is a little much. She constantly talks and has what the pros call reactive attachment and she is always, I mean always, around me doing something to set me off and no matter what I try she always wins and I always just give up (which the pros say is a bad thing, but it is so exhausting)...The part about the parent not feeling attached is somewhat accurate, I love my little girl very much but there are times when it is really hard to. She is capable of expressing emotion and aknowledging her emotions and does this very verbally but a lot of the times in the wrong situation, conflicting non verbal languages, and out of context. I know that Aspergers falls under Pervasive Development Disorder...and I can see her having that but are there different levels of Aspergers just like there are different levels of Autism?

[Guest guest]

On Mar 4, 3:51am, " chels172001 " wrote:

}

} ar old and has emotional instability with severe mood changes...She can be =

} self destructive but only when she is in a bought of being a spoiled brat. =

} And she is...for years I blamed myself because as a single parent, it was =

} easier for me to just do things for her rather than make her do it herself.=

A lot of autistic kids are thought of by people who don't know better as

" spoiled brats. " Doing things for her may have been a sign of her issues

that you didn't consciously recognize.

} ituation, conflicting non verbal languages, and out of context. I know tha=

} t Aspergers falls under Pervasive Development Disorder...and I can see her =

} having that but are there different levels of Aspergers just like there are=

} different levels of Autism?

That's why they call it a Spectrum. There are many different ways

autism presents itself and we say all the time here, " if you've

met one person with autism... you've met one person with autism. "

Also, not to scare you, but your daughter is still quite young. She

may change quite a bit as she ages and different forms of challenges

will appear. On the bright side, other issues will improve.

Willa

[Guest guest]

These descriptions sound like my daughter, too. She is 8 now and was just

diagnosed (but it was clear to me for a long time that she was different from

other kids in lots of ways). She is extremely smart and has pretty much talked

non-stop since she was two!

Like your daughters, she's always been very dependent on me. Part of it was

because with her poor motor skills she just wasn't able to do a lot of thing.

She still asks me to button her clothes for her, and if she's doing arts and

crafts she usually wants me to do all the cutting, since she has trouble with

scissors.

I also think that her inability to pretend-play led to greater dependence on me

than most kids would have -- she basically always needed me to set the

parameters for pretend-play-games (until recently, when she's started trying to

script them herself -- and I do mean " script " -- she tells me exactly what I

should say and if I vary it she gets upset -- it's really tedious for me).

One thing has led her not to be so clingy over the past 2 years: she has become

a great reader, and reads constantly. So she spends a LOT of time doing that

now, and much less time trying to get me to do what she wants.

Deb

[Guest guest]

>

> Hi, I am new to the group and have been observing and reading all the posts.

I have been distraught over the news of my 4 year old precious little girl has

Autism/Aspergers (they cant figure it out). The problem is...she is nothing

like the children in the posts that i read.

I don't know if " level " is the right word, but the reason why autism is referred

to as a " spectrum " is exactly because of what you are saying. While there are

some base symptoms that give your child her diagnosis, there are many other

symptoms that are only common to " some " . Not only that, but the " some " symptoms

come in different combinations and intensities. It can be deceptive though.

Sometimes the child that appeared very mild when young appears more severely

afflicted when older, and sometimes that child that appeared so severe when

young seems more mildly afflicted when older. I think it is probably better to

think of the different symptoms as being " different " .

My son was like you are describing your daughter when he was young. He appeared

quirky, very bright and relatively normal for the first few years. He had

friends. We worried some about his emotional immaturity and incredibly picky

eating, but mostly celebrated his strengths. We didn't suspect anything

clinically wrong until around 4th grade. At that time, his quirkiness got to

the point where he couldn't function at school without special help, although

his accommodations were just informal. He stopped having friends. As things

get more and more complex, he copes less and less, although at the same time he

is improving and learning strategies. Hopefully at some point the improving

part will pass the being behind part. He had a 504 Plan for jr high, now he is

getting full-blown special ed for high school (going into 9th grade).

Ruth

[Guest guest]

I am especially concerned here as of late because my husband and i are separating and i dont know how this will affect her and what i should do as a parent to be reassuring and comforting in our new environment. I am taking her out of her home and neighborhood that she has known for the past three years...to a four year old, thats a lot.

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...> Sent: Monday, July 6, 2009 10:51:49 AMSubject: ( ) Re: Please do not take this wrong...

>> Hi, I am new to the group and have been observing and reading all the posts. I have been distraught over the news of my 4 year old precious little girl has Autism/Aspergers (they cant figure it out). The problem is...she is nothing like the children in the posts that i read. I don't know if "level" is the right word, but the reason why autism is referred to as a "spectrum" is exactly because of what you are saying. While there are some base symptoms that give your child her diagnosis, there are many other symptoms that are only common to "some". Not only that, but the "some" symptoms come in different combinations and intensities. It can be deceptive though. Sometimes the child that appeared very mild when

young appears more severely afflicted when older, and sometimes that child that appeared so severe when young seems more mildly afflicted when older. I think it is probably better to think of the different symptoms as being "different".My son was like you are describing your daughter when he was young. He appeared quirky, very bright and relatively normal for the first few years. He had friends. We worried some about his emotional immaturity and incredibly picky eating, but mostly celebrated his strengths. We didn't suspect anything clinically wrong until around 4th grade. At that time, his quirkiness got to the point where he couldn't function at school without special help, although his accommodations were just informal. He stopped having friends. As things get more and more complex, he copes less and less, although at the same time he is improving and learning strategies. Hopefully at some point the improving part will pass the being behind

part. He had a 504 Plan for jr high, now he is getting full-blown special ed for high school (going into 9th grade).Ruth

[Guest guest]

You know, i just want to yell at my providers though...SHE IS FOUR!!! I mean, yes she is exhaussting and different from other kids her age...but it just really breaks my heart and hurts as a parent. I feel I have done something wrong...its so troubling I lose sleep at night over it and just cry when i get reports from the cdc on her and her behavior. I guess its time for me to get out of my denial and poor me stage...hopefully this group will help me with that.

From: Bradshaw <weirdodragoncat@...> Sent: Sunday, July 5, 2009 7:03:30 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Please do not take this wrong...

wow....you could almost be describing my daughter! I'm not a single parent but I do have issues with her being soooo attached to me to the point of my feeling like I'm being smothered. And yes, mine talks constantly too...non-stop chatter! We haven't gotten an evaluation yet though so I don't know what her actual diagnosis is going to be. My *personal* feeling though is that she's Asperger's and ADHD with some OCD tendencies.. ..isn't that a fun combo?

On Sun, Jul 5, 2009 at 12:00 PM, chels172001 <chels172001> wrote:

Hi, I am new to the group and have been observing and reading all the posts. I have been distraught over the news of my 4 year old precious little girl has Autism/Aspergers (they cant figure it out). The problem is...she is nothing like the children in the posts that i read. She has occassional emotional outbursts, tantrums, definitely some oppositional defiant stuff...but she is seriously intelligent, emotionally capable and willing to have friends and interpersonal relationships, just does not have good social skills for a four year oled. They say she interacts on the level of a three year old and has emotional instability with severe mood changes...She can be self destructive but only when she is in a bought of being a spoiled brat. And she is...for years I blamed myself because as a single parent, it was easier for me to just do things for her rather than make her do it herself... Now as I am about to be a single parent again, I am trying

to find support on dealing with her as she is a little much. She constantly talks and has what the pros call reactive attachment and she is always, I mean always, around me doing something to set me off and no matter what I try she always wins and I always just give up (which the pros say is a bad thing, but it is so exhausting). ..The part about the parent not feeling attached is somewhat accurate, I love my little girl very much but there are times when it is really hard to. She is capable of expressing emotion and aknowledging her emotions and does this very verbally but a lot of the times in the wrong situation, conflicting non verbal languages, and out of context. I know that Aspergers falls under Pervasive Development Disorder...and I can see her having that but are there different levels of Aspergers just like there are different levels of Autism?

-- "It's all bullshit folks, and it's bad for ya" Carlin (RIP)

[Guest guest]

Providers can be exhausting themselves. Many we have worked with have never had kids and never been married. They don't fully "get it" often times. I like to say that we received about a 10 percent benefit from every provider we ever worked with. 90 percent was useless and we generally had already tried it years ago, but 10 percent was helpful. When you add up all the 10 percents learned over the years, it was extremely helpful. I always wanted just one person who was outstanding to come and fix it all. But, life never worked that way. And, I wish I knew at 4 what I know now. I would stress, take it personally, and spend hours trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. Now, with the second aspie kid, I know that "it is what it is" and the tantrums and behaviors, although still exhausting, do not reflect upon my parenting or something I am "not doing." They simply require continual readjustment of my parenting, reinforcers, etc. etc. and just need some objective thinking about how to try to modify behavior, rather than tons of emotional energy trying to figure out what I am "doing wrong" in the situation..... It does get much easier over time.... Hang in there!!!

Re: ( ) Please do not take this wrong...

wow....you could almost be describing my daughter! I'm not a single parent but I do have issues with her being soooo attached to me to the point of my feeling like I'm being smothered. And yes, mine talks constantly too...non-stop chatter! We haven't gotten an evaluation yet though so I don't know what her actual diagnosis is going to be. My *personal* feeling though is that she's Asperger's and ADHD with some OCD tendencies.. ..isn't that a fun combo?

On Sun, Jul 5, 2009 at 12:00 PM, chels172001 <chels172001> wrote:

Hi, I am new to the group and have been observing and reading all the posts. I have been distraught over the news of my 4 year old precious little girl has Autism/Aspergers (they cant figure it out). The problem is...she is nothing like the children in the posts that i read. She has occassional emotional outbursts, tantrums, definitely some oppositional defiant stuff...but she is seriously intelligent, emotionally capable and willing to have friends and interpersonal relationships, just does not have good social skills for a four year oled. They say she interacts on the level of a three year old and has emotional instability with severe mood changes...She can be self destructive but only when she is in a bought of being a spoiled brat. And she is...for years I blamed myself because as a single parent, it was easier for me to just do things for her rather than make her do it herself... Now as I am about to be a single parent again, I am trying to find support on dealing with her as she is a little much. She constantly talks and has what the pros call reactive attachment and she is always, I mean always, around me doing something to set me off and no matter what I try she always wins and I always just give up (which the pros say is a bad thing, but it is so exhausting). ..The part about the parent not feeling attached is somewhat accurate, I love my little girl very much but there are times when it is really hard to. She is capable of expressing emotion and aknowledging her emotions and does this very verbally but a lot of the times in the wrong situation, conflicting non verbal languages, and out of context. I know that Aspergers falls under Pervasive Development Disorder...and I can see her having that but are there different levels of Aspergers just like there are different levels of Autism?

-- "It's all bullshit folks, and it's bad for ya" Carlin (RIP)