RE: Soccer...... or other options...

[Guest guest]

I can TOTALLY relate to your post and question! My husband LOVES all sports! His favorites are football, hockey and baseball.. but he loves them all! is my 10.5 year old with Aspergers. At a young age (4-5) he tried t-ball and also flag football... neither was something he liked... he too was "afraid" of a ball... and the thought of tackle football scared him to death and he said no-way! Now, is a triplet.. with a brother and sister the same age. His brother is the extreme opposite! His brother has about 35 pounds more on him than and he LOVES all sports -- the rougher the better! My son Brad plays tackle football, hockey, baseball and would do more if we could afford it (money and timewise). The rougher the better and he is proud of his football bruises from tackles! LOL.

on the other hand.. got on skates once and said never again. Played t-ball but was more interested in digging in the sand. Tried basketball around 7-8 yr old (I was thinking it was less rough)... but he couldn't follow the rules/action at all and was frustrating to teammates and couches. Soccer is the one sport he started around age 5 and has continued to play each year. He understands it...and seems to "enjoy" it most of the time... but he doesn't love it, seems afraid of the ball, often gets desracted, etc. wasn't diagnosed until this last winter -- right after his 10th bday. This diagnosis explained alot when it comes to this physical abilities, interests, etc!! So, my husband coached the soccer this summer for .... so that he didn't have to explain to a coach or run the risk of frustrating a coach. He pulled him out when he saw he was struggling. Most kids seemed "understanding" this season (maybe since was coaches son? LOL). He is no super star... but has continued since nothing else was "worked.".... I kept thinking there has to be something else... we tried gymnastics this summer.... he "liked" it too... but didn't love it and at age 10 he was much younger beginners and they were doing "better" than him which discouraged him... but we tried.

Now, that said, we are not "requiring" him to do a sport.... in fact I think his thing may be more theater, speech, arts.... for sure something with computer, etc. However, we do feel it is important to do something physical... and as an Aspie he is drawn to more sedintary activities (learned that at OT... and OT is the one saying they really want some physical too).

His OT explained that team sports like soccer (or basketball, etc) are VERY hard for Aspies (especially those with attention difficulties... which has). First the physical part is just hard... coordinating body to do what is supposed to do, etc. Fear of ball. Plus, ANTICIPATING what the ball will do PLUS what your teammates will do AND the other team! It is WAY too much executive functioning.... ability to plan ahead and anticipate (new term to me with diagnosis, but explains all those things he struggles with in that area).... plus the attention / focus part... there is so much to be distracted by!!

The OT suggested a break from soccer (unless he LOVED it and or was great at it --- which he was not). She suggested individual sports. Thus the gymnastics. Hmm... never hurts to try, but that wasn't it. Others suggested - swim team, gulf, track, bowling. is THIN and can't float well so he hates swimming so that's gout. We live in MN so gulf not a winter sport -- LOL. He has asthma so track is not practical (and not program at this age).... so how about bowling. Well, he gone a half dozen times (parties, etc).... used bumpers... liked it.... didn't know about doing it weekly. We decided to sign him up for jr bowling league. It is something physical, individual but also team (and they do avg and hanicaps so not hurting team if he does poorly), plus there is more of an opportunity for some social interaction, and skills building and possible friendships than many team sports (added plus). He started three weeks ago... his scores were only 30s-40s... we have been taking him 3 times a week to practice and then he bowls with team on Saturdays... he is now up in the 60-70s! He loves it! He gets discouraged and does seem inconsistent how he does..... but working through that discouragment is good practice. It is the closest thing to "video game" that is a REAL sport/activity!! Maybe that is it? But, he competes against himself to improve each week.... and also contributes to a team score/placing. It is an inexpensive sport in the big picture too ($9 per week total.... includes three legue team games each Saturday AND they can bowl up to three practice games for FREE every day of the week... and free shoes! He will be getting a shirt and there are trophies as the season end -- next March. Plus there are free french fries if they score a certain amount above their average!)

Okay... back to your question about your husband.... I just asked my husband the quesiton the other day.... if it was hard for him to not have "sports" with . He said that it would be "hard" for him IF he didn't have Brad (our other son) to share that with. Brad loves to watch football, hockey and baseball on tv with my husband and go to the occasional game too! He collects the cards (like my husband as a child).... and he knows / is aware of how our professional teams are doing, etc. KYLE DOES NOT... he doesn't care about that.... if he was our only son, it would be hard for my husband.... but he has our other son to share that with. He focuses on the things he DOES share with ... a love of movies, movie quotes, movie trivia!!..... Scene-It is a great game for them to play together! loves Star Wars (as does husband)... so he took him to a Star Wars live show this summer. He also can share bowling fun with him now too (although it get expensive for one of us to bowl with him... so we usually only do it on cheap night monday... and he bowls himself or with his one friend who signed up on other times he practices). My husband also loves music and was a singer in HS ... and in theater (in addition to sport... and he finally game up sports his senior year to take a main role in the play).... so he shares that with too and it makes him very proud to hear sing (he has done some solos at church and sings PERFECTLY!... making mom very proud too).

So, although it may be your husband realizing his "disability"... encourage him to view it as a difference. Even without Aspergers, your son may not have liked or been good at soccer. He can enjoy that with the younger boys... and find something else to enjoy with your Aspie! I really don't think will continue soccer now that he has found bowling.. but if next spring/summer comes and he wants to it, that is fine... (don't think bowling league is in summer)... but I just want him to find activities he loves and is good at... and that my husband can "enjoy" with him too. Soccer and many other team sports will NOT be easy (so therefore "fun") for most Aspies.... my son at least will never be a star... so unless he LOVES it... I'd rather look for other things for him to spend his time on.

I hope this helps some. Best of luck to you and to your husband! I'll say a prayer for him and your son's relationship and finding other things in common!

Mom to , (diagnosed with Aspergers at age 10) and Bradley -- 10.5 year old triplets, AND (age 5)

[Guest guest]

My son is learning Tennis and loves it!!

In a message dated 9/27/2010 7:38:36 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, jphillips_3@... writes:

I can TOTALLY relate to your post and question! My husband LOVES all sports! His favorites are football, hockey and baseball.. but he loves them all! is my 10.5 year old with Aspergers. At a young age (4-5) he tried t-ball and also flag football... neither was something he liked... he too was "afraid" of a ball... and the thought of tackle football scared him to death and he said no-way! Now, is a triplet.. with a brother and sister the same age. His brother is the extreme opposite! His brother has about 35 pounds more on him than and he LOVES all sports -- the rougher the better! My son Brad plays tackle football, hockey, baseball and would do more if we could afford it (money and timewise). The rougher the better and he is proud of his football bruises from tackles! LOL. on the other hand.. got on skates once and said never again. Played t-ball but was more interested in digging in the sand. Tried basketball around 7-8 yr old (I was thinking it was less rough)... but he couldn't follow the rules/action at all and was frustrating to teammates and couches. Soccer is the one sport he started around age 5 and has continued to play each year. He understands it...and seems to "enjoy" it most of the time... but he doesn't love it, seems afraid of the ball, often gets desracted, etc. wasn't diagnosed until this last winter -- right after his 10th bday. This diagnosis explained alot when it comes to this physical abilities, interests, etc!! So, my husband coached the soccer this summer for .... so that he didn't have to explain to a coach or run the risk of frustrating a coach. He pulled him out when he saw he was struggling. Most kids seemed "understanding" this season (maybe since was coaches son? LOL). He is no super star... but has continued since nothing else was "worked.".... I kept thinking there has to be something else... we tried gymnastics this summer.... he "liked" it too... but didn't love it and at age 10 he was much younger beginners and they were doing "better" than him which discouraged him... but we tried. Now, that said, we are not "requiring" him to do a sport.... in fact I think his thing may be more theater, speech, arts.... for sure something with computer, etc. However, we do feel it is important to do something physical... and as an Aspie he is drawn to more sedintary activities (learned that at OT... and OT is the one saying they really want some physical too).

His OT explained that team sports like soccer (or basketball, etc) are VERY hard for Aspies (especially those with attention difficulties... which has). First the physical part is just hard... coordinating body to do what is supposed to do, etc. Fear of ball. Plus, ANTICIPATING what the ball will do PLUS what your teammates will do AND the other team! It is WAY too much executive functioning.... ability to plan ahead and anticipate (new term to me with diagnosis, but explains all those things he struggles with in that area).... plus the attention / focus part... there is so much to be distracted by!! The OT suggested a break from soccer (unless he LOVED it and or was great at it --- which he was not). She suggested individual sports. Thus the gymnastics. Hmm... never hurts to try, but that wasn't it. Others suggested - swim team, gulf, track, bowling. is THIN and can't float well so he hates swimming so that's gout. We live in MN so gulf not a winter sport -- LOL. He has asthma so track is not practical (and not program at this age).... so how about bowling. Well, he gone a half dozen times (parties, etc).... used bumpers... liked it.... didn't know about doing it weekly. We decided to sign him up for jr bowling league. It is something physical, individual but also team (and they do avg and hanicaps so not hurting team if he does poorly), plus there is more of an opportunity for some social interaction, and skills building and possible friendships than many team sports (added plus). He started thr ee weeks ago... his scores were only 30s-40s... we have been taking him 3 times a week to practice and then he bowls with team on Saturdays... he is now up in the 60-70s! He loves it! He gets discouraged and does seem inconsistent how he does..... but working through that discouragment is good practice. It is the closest thing to "video game" that is a REAL sport/activity!! Maybe that is it? But, he competes against himself to improve each week.... and also contributes to a team score/placing. It is an inexpensive sport in the big picture too ($9 per week total.... includes three legue team games each Saturday AND they can bowl up to three practice games for FREE every day of the week... and free shoes! He will be getting a shirt and there are trophies as the season end -- next March. Plus there are free french fries if they score a certain amount above their average!) Okay... back to your question about your husband.... I just asked my husband the quesiton the other day.... if it was hard for him to not have "sports" with . He said that it would be "hard" for him IF he didn't have Brad (our other son) to share that with. Brad loves to watch football, hockey and baseball on tv with my husband and go to the occasional game too! He collects the cards (like my husband as a child).... and he knows / is aware of how our professional teams are doing, etc. KYLE DOES NOT... he doesn't care about that.... if he was our only son, it would be hard for my husband.... but he has our other son to share that with. He focuses on the things he DOES share with ... a love of movies, movie quotes, movie trivia!!..... Scene-It is a great game for them to play together! loves Star Wars (as does husband)... so he took him to a Star Wars live show this summer. He also can share bowling fun with him now too (al though it get expensive for one of us to bowl with him... so we usually only do it on cheap night monday... and he bowls himself or with his one friend who signed up on other times he practices). My husband also loves music and was a singer in HS ... and in theater (in addition to sport... and he finally game up sports his senior year to take a main role in the play).... so he shares that with too and it makes him very proud to hear sing (he has done some solos at church and sings PERFECTLY!... making mom very proud too). So, although it may be your husband realizing his "disability"... encourage him to view it as a difference. Even without Aspergers, your son may not have liked or been good at soccer. He can enjoy that with the younger boys... and find something else to enjoy with your Aspie! I really don't think will continue soccer now that he has found bowling.. but if next spring/summer comes and he wants to it, that is fine... (don't think bowling league is in summer)... but I just want him to find activities he loves and is good at... and that my husband can "enjoy" with him too. Soccer and many other team sports will NOT be easy (so therefore "fun") for most Aspies.... my son at least will never be a star... so unless he LOVES it... I'd rather look for other things for him to spend his time on. I hope this helps some. Best of luck to you and to your husband! I'll say a prayer for him and your son's relationship and finding other things in common! Mom to , (diagnosed with Aspergers at age 10) and Bradley -- 10.5 year old triplets, AND (age 5)

[Guest guest]

Before I begin I'm going to highlight in red and use all CAPS when I want to share an idea I haven't shared before that I believe really helps. So here is my TIP OF THE DAY

Slip N slide is a fantastic exercise for ASPIES. It literally teaches kids to fall with style. I noticed on each occasion that my son athletics pick up a notch after an afternoon of slip n slide. I think it teaches them FALLING skills. Plus it removes the fear of falling with fun. It took a really long while and even now when we get it back out he is a tentative slider. But after a short while he is doing it. Nothing has come naturally for us which is maybe why I've noticed this sort of thing. I think if you try this at home you will find that they will be more comfortable with their own bodies in the few days that follow. Not so fearful of falling.

As the father of our Aspie, who is our oldest boy (we have three) I have always pushed sports hard. Its been good in a way cause my desire for him to be able to participate in the sports that the other boys do has basically been like having a little bit of OT at home everyday. In fact it was into his third attempt at soccor that we finally began to realize he had something wrong. He could play OK at home but when we got to the field he basically would shut down. In fact he almost did tonight but he fought through it. Lack of confidence and a new schedule affected him.

Part of the problem is the sensory stuff, part is the anxiety, and part is lack of confidence and fear. ASPIE's tend to have strong will personalities which lends itself to perfectionism. The problem with that is that they want to be perfect before they've ever tried something. Making it hard to get them to try something. Well he finally started competing halfway through this forth soccor season. And it all started after I told him that it was HIS choice whether he played good or not cause I had seen him play plenty good at home. He argued with me a bit but I told him I knew he could do it, etc..... Now why this time he responded i don't know but he did.

Caleb sounds like your son. He doesn't really have what would call FUN playing soccor with other kids. But when he does score he lights up for a bit and gets excited. Still I sense that its more of a chore for him then something he looks forward. He even expressed relief that the season was over tonight. He signed himself up this year after he watched us cheer on his younger brother in tee-ball. I think he wanted that plus the trophy. After we tried out and paid he then started protesting. So we made him play because he should have told us that before we paid for the sign ups even though we tripled checked. As it turns out I'm really glad we did. He may not enjoy it the way he should but at least he knows that if he works real hard HE CAN do it. Again I'm glad we did cause I swear while coordination is an issue for these ASPIE kids it can be learned. And once it is its

like riding a bike it becomes something you don't think about. It just takes ASPIES a heck of a lot longer before their muscle memory is created and registered. Sports are the ultimate because it requires spontaneious reactions and is never the same. Then its about anxiety and convincing them they can do it. With each success things are getting easier. And this rule doesn't apply just to sports. I find it works this way with everything and even with your or I. Success breeds confidence in all of us. I think a lot of these ASPIE kids have the social anxiety of a nervious teenager but they are only 3 or 4 when it starts. The result is really poor choices and adaptive behaviors (Sensory defensiveness, Shutting down, tamptrums, etc...). Its not their fault by any means but whatever we can do to help them cope and learn out to deal with it the

better. I think a lot of Asperger's people we hear about that appear to out grow it simply MATURED out of it because learned adult coping skills that only come with maturity. And aspies mature socially much slower on top of everything. 1 COR 13:11 "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me."

I've also noticed at home that he seems now to enjoy playing two hand touch football with our neighbor and his brother. This is basically like tag so its not a hard transition. Even flag football might work. I have to work to keep his focus. He is easily distracted just like in soccor. So as far as athletics go my plan is to work on his overall sprinting speed and endurance cause even though he was 6 most of the 5 year olds were way way faster than him. Making soccor frustrating. Still he was the only one who scored on our team in the two games that he did score. He is an accurate kicker unlike the other kids who are mostly younger than him. For me its important cause I know how much sports and athletic achievement can be for a young man. Its gives you confidence in life. Plus all the sports teach differnet life lessons. Baseball for example even the best

of the best fail 2 out of 3 times. So it teaches kids who to deal with failure and try try try again.

We are also working on catching balls. This has been a real challenge so far. He always regresses towards dropping everything. He has greatly improved at always getting his hands on the ball. He is tracking balls much better but he has HARD hands so far. Usually they bounce right off his hands. Part of this is because I think to an extent his natural reflexes to not let the ball hit him overide his desire to catch the ball. Often he will have his hands in the I"m going to push something position when he tries to catch. Just a bit defensive. But we've been through this before with wrestling, swinging, spinning him, ball tracking, rolling, summersalts, etc... So we are going to work on sprinting, endurance, and ball catching. I'm going to do this because if he does sign up for soccor at his school I want him to have the basic tools

he's going to need cause I can tell you the kids his own age (plus he's the youngest boy in his class) are all way faster. I don't want an early failure to prevent him from trying and believing.

I also know that while my son will never be a great athlete or even a starter when older I want him to be able to play these sports cause for boys this is so much of how we socialize. Take out sports and my socilization would have been cut in half. Here my son is going to need 5 times the socialization experience just to keep up. So for me its very important. Since his diagnosis patience has come much easier and more naturual. Its not about competing its about improving.

I agree with you and his father that you need to keep him in something athletic....its just so important especially in the teenage years.

From: ppanda65@... <ppanda65@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Soccer...... or other options... Date: Sunday, October 24, 2010, 6:03 PM

My son is learning Tennis and loves it!!

In a message dated 9/27/2010 7:38:36 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, jphillips_3@... writes:

I can TOTALLY relate to your post and question! My husband LOVES all sports! His favorites are football, hockey and baseball.. but he loves them all! is my 10.5 year old with Aspergers. At a young age (4-5) he tried t-ball and also flag football... neither was something he liked... he too was "afraid" of a ball... and the thought of tackle football scared him to death and he said no-way! Now, is a triplet.. with a brother and sister the same age. His brother is the extreme opposite! His brother has about 35 pounds more on him than and he LOVES all sports -- the rougher the better! My son Brad plays tackle football, hockey, baseball and would do more if we could afford it (money and timewise). The rougher the better and he is proud of his football bruises from tackles! LOL. on the other hand.. got

on skates once and said never again. Played t-ball but was more interested in digging in the sand. Tried basketball around 7-8 yr old (I was thinking it was less rough)... but he couldn't follow the rules/action at all and was frustrating to teammates and couches. Soccer is the one sport he started around age 5 and has continued to play each year. He understands it...and seems to "enjoy" it most of the time... but he doesn't love it, seems afraid of the ball, often gets desracted, etc. wasn't diagnosed until this last winter -- right after his 10th bday. This diagnosis explained alot when it comes to this physical abilities, interests, etc!! So, my husband coached the soccer this summer for .... so that he didn't have to explain to a coach or run the risk of frustrating a coach. He pulled him out when he saw he was struggling. Most kids

seemed "understanding" this season (maybe since was coaches son? LOL). He is no super star... but has continued since nothing else was "worked.".... I kept thinking there has to be something else... we tried gymnastics this summer.... he "liked" it too... but didn't love it and at age 10 he was much younger beginners and they were doing "better" than him which discouraged him... but we tried. Now, that said, we are not "requiring" him to do a sport.... in fact I think his thing may be more theater, speech, arts.... for sure something with computer, etc. However, we do feel it is important to do something physical... and as an Aspie he is drawn to more sedintary activities (learned that at OT... and OT is the one saying they really want some physical too).

His OT explained that team sports like soccer (or basketball, etc) are VERY hard for Aspies (especially those with attention difficulties... which has). First the physical part is just hard... coordinating body to do what is supposed to do, etc. Fear of ball. Plus, ANTICIPATING what the ball will do PLUS what your teammates will do AND the other team! It is WAY too much executive functioning.... ability to plan ahead and anticipate (new term to me with diagnosis, but explains all those things he struggles with in that area).... plus the attention / focus part... there is so much to be distracted by!! The OT suggested a break from soccer (unless he LOVED it and or was great at it --- which he was not). She suggested individual sports. Thus the gymnastics. Hmm... never hurts to try, but that wasn't it. Others suggested -

swim team, gulf, track, bowling. is THIN and can't float well so he hates swimming so that's gout. We live in MN so gulf not a winter sport -- LOL. He has asthma so track is not practical (and not program at this age).... so how about bowling. Well, he gone a half dozen times (parties, etc).... used bumpers... liked it.... didn't know about doing it weekly. We decided to sign him up for jr bowling league. It is something physical, individual but also team (and they do avg and hanicaps so not hurting team if he does poorly), plus there is more of an opportunity for some social interaction, and skills building and possible friendships than many team sports (added plus). He started thr ee weeks ago... his scores were only 30s-40s... we have been taking him 3 times a week to practice and then he bowls with team on Saturdays... he is now up in the 60-70s! He loves it! He gets discouraged and

does seem inconsistent how he does..... but working through that discouragment is good practice. It is the closest thing to "video game" that is a REAL sport/activity!! Maybe that is it? But, he competes against himself to improve each week.... and also contributes to a team score/placing. It is an inexpensive sport in the big picture too ($9 per week total.... includes three legue team games each Saturday AND they can bowl up to three practice games for FREE every day of the week... and free shoes! He will be getting a shirt and there are trophies as the season end -- next March. Plus there are free french fries if they score a certain amount above their average!) Okay... back to your question about your husband.... I just asked my husband the quesiton the other day.... if it was hard for him to not have "sports" with . He said that it would be "hard" for him IF he didn't have Brad

(our other son) to share that with. Brad loves to watch football, hockey and baseball on tv with my husband and go to the occasional game too! He collects the cards (like my husband as a child).... and he knows / is aware of how our professional teams are doing, etc. KYLE DOES NOT... he doesn't care about that.... if he was our only son, it would be hard for my husband.... but he has our other son to share that with. He focuses on the things he DOES share with ... a love of movies, movie quotes, movie trivia!!..... Scene-It is a great game for them to play together! loves Star Wars (as does husband)... so he took him to a Star Wars live show this summer. He also can share bowling fun with him now too (al though it get expensive for one of us to bowl with him... so we usually only do it on cheap night monday... and he bowls himself or with his one friend who signed up on other times he practices). My

husband also loves music and was a singer in HS ... and in theater (in addition to sport... and he finally game up sports his senior year to take a main role in the play).... so he shares that with too and it makes him very proud to hear sing (he has done some solos at church and sings PERFECTLY!... making mom very proud too). So, although it may be your husband realizing his "disability"... encourage him to view it as a difference. Even without Aspergers, your son may not have liked or been good at soccer. He can enjoy that with the younger boys... and find something else to enjoy with your Aspie! I really don't think will continue soccer now that he has found bowling.. but if next spring/summer comes and he wants to it, that is fine... (don't think bowling league is in summer)... but I just want him to find activities he loves and is good at... and that my husband can "enjoy" with him too.

Soccer and many other team sports will NOT be easy (so therefore "fun") for most Aspies.... my son at least will never be a star... so unless he LOVES it... I'd rather look for other things for him to spend his time on. I hope this helps some. Best of luck to you and to your husband! I'll say a prayer for him and your son's relationship and finding other things in common! Mom to , (diagnosed with Aspergers at age 10) and Bradley -- 10.5 year old triplets, AND (age 5)

[Guest guest]

Amen.

"I'm not flying...I'm falling with style..."

(Toy Story)

Man, I miss the Slip N Slide! I had one as a child and I believe that because of it, I haven't tripped over something or walked into something and killed myself yet lol! I am a hopeless klutz and I think my boys are just as bad. They are forever falling and getting bruised (they are 8 and 6 so they also fight with their 3 year old sister and each other endlessly) and the teacher last year actually reported us to CPS because J. had a SCRATCH and a bruise on his cheek!!! It was an obvious scratch too (it wasn't all that deep, but it was deep enough to bleed a bit so that is why it bruised at the end of it), and I actually got into a HUGE battle with that teacher and I ended up writing to the superintendant of the school over it. I explained to the Principal (that WITCH with a first that J. and B. are Adjustment Disorder/PDD, they both have IEP's and both have balance problems, fine motor and gross motor problems too. THey ALSO have 2 other siblings (I was pregnant with their youngest brother back then) so THEY ARE GOING TO FIGHT, GET BRUISED, and GET SCRATCHED! I had to prove the balance problems/sensory problems (I did) and I had to talk to a guy from CPS who came in, looked at our house and declared that that teacher was a witch (with a capital and crazy! They had to investigate but I was STEAMED! It was such a violation of our privacy and just wrong, and to top it off, they found us more than fit to be parents and a clean, spacious house and plenty of food! They found no abuse and the kids (this is the CPS guy's words) "in no way acted or looked abused", so that is when I wrote the letter to the superintendant. I didn't have any more trouble with that teacher for the rest of the year, but we were always looking over our shoulders and every time J. would get a bump or bruise, we were afraid to send him to school. She didn't bother us anymore, as I said, and the funny thing is that this year (J. has moved on to 1st Grade) that same teacher is now extremely friendly towards us and always says hi to J. and us. I DID agree that this teacher was excellent and that J. was now doing more work in reading and writing than he could at the beginning of the year, so I had written ANOTHER letter to the superintendant saying that even though we had our differences, this teacher was excellent and I wanted to thank her for (firstly getting off our backs) doing such a great job with J. over the year. She loved that letter and I think THAT is partially why she is now so friendly. I learned that she really does care about the kids, and she learned that this Mama isn't gonna take ANY crap and will stand up for her kid. You never stop learning...and J. still gets bruises and cuts, but so far his teacher this year hasn't even said BOO to me...outside of talking about how J. is doing in the class. I wonder if word got out lol.

In a message dated 10/26/2010 8:24:53 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, southardengineering@... writes:

I think it teaches them FALLING skills

[Guest guest]

Sports is great, if you can get them to participate and practice. I think it can be a lot more complicated for some kids than this though. There is the issue of motor planning, that can cause huge problems. Muscles learn but you also have some kids who have low muscle tone and tire so quickly. Other aspects come into play (ha!) as well - predicting, analyzing and being able to socialize into the team. Processing has to be quick to stay in the game intellectually, learning tactics can be a whole subject that is difficult for some with AS/HFA. I think learning sports could help someone improve these skills but they are probably already doing fairly well anyway. Some kids will not be able to learn that way. I think it's pretty complicated and not the same for each person. And then when you think about it - there are plenty of NT kids who do not play sports and never will. Some men do "socialize" over sports (and frankly, I love football myself!) but I think there are also many ways of socializing for boys that does not involve a ball that are just as important. I think having kids in sports is great if you can manage getting them involved. But sports can be a minefield for many kids who have multiple issues going on.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

Re: ( ) Soccer...... or other options...

Date: Sunday, October 24, 2010, 6:03 PM

My son is learning Tennis and loves it!!

In a message dated 9/27/2010 7:38:36 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, jphillips_3@... writes:

I can TOTALLY relate to your post and question! My husband LOVES all sports! His favorites are football, hockey and baseball.. but he loves them all! is my 10.5 year old with Aspergers. At a young age (4-5) he tried t-ball and also flag football... neither was something he liked... he too was "afraid" of a ball... and the thought of tackle football scared him to death and he said no-way! Now, is a triplet.. with a brother and sister the same age. His brother is the extreme opposite! His brother has about 35 pounds more on him than and he LOVES all sports -- the rougher the better! My son Brad plays tackle football, hockey, baseball and would do more if we could afford it (money and timewise). The rougher the better and he is proud of his football bruises from tackles! LOL.

on the other hand.. got

on skates once and said never again. Played t-ball but was more interested in digging in the sand. Tried basketball around 7-8 yr old (I was thinking it was less rough)... but he couldn't follow the rules/action at all and was frustrating to teammates and couches. Soccer is the one sport he started around age 5 and has continued to play each year. He understands it...and seems to "enjoy" it most of the time... but he doesn't love it, seems afraid of the ball, often gets desracted, etc. wasn't diagnosed until this last winter -- right after his 10th bday. This diagnosis explained alot when it comes to this physical abilities, interests, etc!! So, my husband coached the soccer this summer for .... so that he didn't have to explain to a coach or run the risk of frustrating a coach. He pulled him out when he saw he was struggling. Most kids

seemed "understanding" this season (maybe since was coaches son? LOL). He is no super star... but has continued since nothing else was "worked.".... I kept thinking there has to be something else... we tried gymnastics this summer.... he "liked" it too... but didn't love it and at age 10 he was much younger beginners and they were doing "better" than him which discouraged him... but we tried.

Now, that said, we are not "requiring" him to do a sport.... in fact I think his thing may be more theater, speech, arts.... for sure something with computer, etc. However, we do feel it is important to do something physical... and as an Aspie he is drawn to more sedintary activities (learned that at OT... and OT is the one saying they really want some physical too).

His OT explained that team sports like soccer (or basketball, etc) are VERY hard for Aspies (especially those with attention difficulties... which has). First the physical part is just hard... coordinating body to do what is supposed to do, etc. Fear of ball. Plus, ANTICIPATING what the ball will do PLUS what your teammates will do AND the other team! It is WAY too much executive functioning.... ability to plan ahead and anticipate (new term to me with diagnosis, but explains all those things he struggles with in that area).... plus the attention / focus part... there is so much to be distracted by!!

The OT suggested a break from soccer (unless he LOVED it and or was great at it --- which he was not). She suggested individual sports. Thus the gymnastics. Hmm... never hurts to try, but that wasn't it. Others suggested -

swim team, gulf, track, bowling. is THIN and can't float well so he hates swimming so that's gout. We live in MN so gulf not a winter sport -- LOL. He has asthma so track is not practical (and not program at this age).... so how about bowling. Well, he gone a half dozen times (parties, etc).... used bumpers... liked it.... didn't know about doing it weekly. We decided to sign him up for jr bowling league. It is something physical, individual but also team (and they do avg and hanicaps so not hurting team if he does poorly), plus there is more of an opportunity for some social interaction, and skills building and possible friendships than many team sports (added plus). He started thr ee weeks ago... his scores were only 30s-40s... we have been taking him 3 times a week to practice and then he bowls with team on Saturdays... he is now up in the 60-70s! He loves it! He gets discouraged and

does seem inconsistent how he does..... but working through that discouragment is good practice. It is the closest thing to "video game" that is a REAL sport/activity!! Maybe that is it? But, he competes against himself to improve each week.... and also contributes to a team score/placing. It is an inexpensive sport in the big picture too ($9 per week total.... includes three legue team games each Saturday AND they can bowl up to three practice games for FREE every day of the week... and free shoes! He will be getting a shirt and there are trophies as the season end -- next March. Plus there are free french fries if they score a certain amount above their average!)

Okay... back to your question about your husband.... I just asked my husband the quesiton the other day.... if it was hard for him to not have "sports" with . He said that it would be "hard" for him IF he didn't have Brad

(our other son) to share that with. Brad loves to watch football, hockey and baseball on tv with my husband and go to the occasional game too! He collects the cards (like my husband as a child).... and he knows / is aware of how our professional teams are doing, etc. KYLE DOES NOT... he doesn't care about that.... if he was our only son, it would be hard for my husband.... but he has our other son to share that with. He focuses on the things he DOES share with ... a love of movies, movie quotes, movie trivia!!..... Scene-It is a great game for them to play together! loves Star Wars (as does husband)... so he took him to a Star Wars live show this summer. He also can share bowling fun with him now too (al though it get expensive for one of us to bowl with him... so we usually only do it on cheap night monday... and he bowls himself or with his one friend who signed up on other times he practices). My

husband also loves music and was a singer in HS ... and in theater (in addition to sport... and he finally game up sports his senior year to take a main role in the play).... so he shares that with too and it makes him very proud to hear sing (he has done some solos at church and sings PERFECTLY!... making mom very proud too).

So, although it may be your husband realizing his "disability"... encourage him to view it as a difference. Even without Aspergers, your son may not have liked or been good at soccer. He can enjoy that with the younger boys... and find something else to enjoy with your Aspie! I really don't think will continue soccer now that he has found bowling.. but if next spring/summer comes and he wants to it, that is fine... (don't think bowling league is in summer)... but I just want him to find activities he loves and is good at... and that my husband can "enjoy" with him too.

Soccer and many other team sports will NOT be easy (so therefore "fun") for most Aspies.... my son at least will never be a star... so unless he LOVES it... I'd rather look for other things for him to spend his time on.

I hope this helps some. Best of luck to you and to your husband! I'll say a prayer for him and your son's relationship and finding other things in common!

Mom to , (diagnosed with Aspergers at age 10) and Bradley -- 10.5 year old triplets, AND (age 5)

[Guest guest]

Agreed! Each kid is different. What is good or appropriate for one child may not be for another.

From: ppanda65@... <ppanda65@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Soccer...... or other options... Date: Sunday, October 24, 2010, 6:03 PM

My son is learning Tennis and loves it!!

In a message dated 9/27/2010 7:38:36 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time, jphillips_3@... writes:

I can TOTALLY relate to your post and question! My husband LOVES all sports! His favorites are football, hockey and baseball.. but he loves them all! is my 10.5 year old with Aspergers. At a young age (4-5) he tried t-ball and also flag football... neither was something he liked... he too was "afraid" of a ball... and the thought of tackle football scared him to death and he said no-way! Now, is a triplet.. with a brother and sister the same age. His brother is the extreme opposite! His brother has about 35 pounds more on him than and he LOVES all sports -- the rougher the better! My son Brad plays tackle football, hockey, baseball and would do more if we could afford it (money and

timewise). The rougher the better and he is proud of his football bruises from tackles! LOL. on the other hand.. got on skates once and said never again. Played t-ball but was more interested in digging in the sand. Tried basketball around 7-8 yr old (I was thinking it was less rough)... but he couldn't follow the rules/action at all and was frustrating to teammates and couches. Soccer is the one sport he started around age 5 and has continued to play each year. He understands it...and seems to "enjoy" it most of the time... but he doesn't love it, seems afraid of the ball, often gets desracted, etc. wasn't diagnosed until this last winter -- right after his 10th bday. This diagnosis explained alot when it comes to this physical abilities, interests, etc!! So, my husband coached the soccer this summer for .... so that

he didn't have to explain to a coach or run the risk of frustrating a coach. He pulled him out when he saw he was struggling. Most kids seemed "understanding" this season (maybe since was coaches son? LOL). He is no super star... but has continued since nothing else was "worked.".... I kept thinking there has to be something else... we tried gymnastics this summer.... he "liked" it too... but didn't love it and at age 10 he was much younger beginners and they were doing "better" than him which discouraged him... but we tried. Now, that said, we are not "requiring" him to do a sport.... in fact I think his thing may be more theater, speech, arts.... for sure something with computer, etc. However, we do feel it is important to do something physical... and as an Aspie he is drawn to more sedintary activities (learned that at OT... and OT is the one saying they

really want some physical too).

His OT explained that team sports like soccer (or basketball, etc) are VERY hard for Aspies (especially those with attention difficulties... which has). First the physical part is just hard... coordinating body to do what is supposed to do, etc. Fear of ball. Plus, ANTICIPATING what the ball will do PLUS what your teammates will do AND the other team! It is WAY too much executive functioning.... ability to plan ahead and anticipate (new term to me with diagnosis, but explains all those things he struggles with in that

area).... plus the attention / focus part... there is so much to be distracted by!! The OT suggested a break from soccer (unless he LOVED it and or was great at it --- which he was not). She suggested individual sports. Thus the gymnastics. Hmm... never hurts to try, but that wasn't it. Others suggested - swim team, gulf, track, bowling. is THIN and can't float well so he hates swimming so that's gout. We live in MN so gulf not a winter sport -- LOL. He has asthma so track is not practical (and not program at this age).... so how about bowling. Well, he gone a half dozen times (parties, etc).... used bumpers... liked it.... didn't know about doing it weekly. We decided to sign him up for jr bowling league. It is something physical, individual but also team (and they do avg and hanicaps so not hurting team if he does poorly), plus there is more of an opportunity for some

social interaction, and skills building and possible friendships than many team sports (added plus). He started thr ee weeks ago... his scores were only 30s-40s... we have been taking him 3 times a week to practice and then he bowls with team on Saturdays... he is now up in the 60-70s! He loves it! He gets discouraged and does seem inconsistent how he does..... but working through that discouragment is good practice. It is the closest thing to "video game" that is a REAL sport/activity!! Maybe that is it? But, he competes against himself to improve each week.... and also contributes to a team score/placing. It is an inexpensive sport in the big picture too ($9 per week total.... includes three legue team games each Saturday AND they can bowl up to three practice games for FREE every day of the week... and free shoes! He will be getting a shirt and there are trophies as the season end --

next March. Plus there are free french fries if they score a certain amount above their average!) Okay... back to your question about your husband.... I just asked my husband the quesiton the other day.... if it was hard for him to not have "sports" with . He said that it would be "hard" for him IF he didn't have Brad (our other son) to share that with. Brad loves to watch football, hockey and baseball on tv with my husband and go to the occasional game too! He collects the cards (like my husband as a child).... and he knows / is aware of how our professional teams are doing, etc. KYLE DOES NOT... he doesn't care about that.... if he was our only son, it would be hard for my husband.... but he has our other son to share that with. He focuses on the things he DOES share with ... a love of movies, movie quotes, movie trivia!!..... Scene-It is a great game for them to play together! loves

Star Wars (as does husband)... so he took him to a Star Wars live show this summer. He also can share bowling fun with him now too (al though it get expensive for one of us to bowl with him... so we usually only do it on cheap night monday... and he bowls himself or with his one friend who signed up on other times he practices). My husband also loves music and was a singer in HS ... and in theater (in addition to sport... and he finally game up sports his senior year to take a main role in the play).... so he shares that with too and it makes him very proud to hear sing (he has done some solos at church and sings PERFECTLY!... making mom very proud too). So, although it may be your husband realizing his "disability"... encourage him to view it as a difference. Even without Aspergers, your son may not have liked or been good at soccer. He can enjoy that with the younger boys... and find something else

to enjoy with your Aspie! I really don't think will continue soccer now that he has found bowling.. but if next spring/summer comes and he wants to it, that is fine... (don't think bowling league is in summer)... but I just want him to find activities he loves and is good at... and that my husband can "enjoy" with him too. Soccer and many other team sports will NOT be easy (so therefore "fun") for most Aspies.... my son at least will never be a star... so unless he LOVES it... I'd rather look for other things for him to spend his time on. I hope this helps some. Best of luck to you and to your husband! I'll say a prayer for him and your son's relationship and finding other things in common! Mom to , (diagnosed with Aspergers at age 10) and Bradley -- 10.5 year old triplets, AND (age 5)