RE: Re: Alright, wonderful people... I need some insight !!!

[Guest guest]

If these events have esculated over the last couple of weeks there must be something happening to your son that is not being picked up on, schools all to often don't see anything happening. Perhaps some kids have noticed him and started pushing his buttons for a reaction. On the bright side, I doubt the boy from the toilets will try it again, I don't avocate physical retaliation, but once in a while it is good for bullies to be reminded that they are dealing with an unknown entity. Hopefully this will push the school in the right direction.

From: O'Brien <nicole.obrien@...>Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Alright, wonderful people... I need some insight !!! Date: Wednesday, 11 November, 2009, 21:48

Or rather, did I scare YOU!

Did I also mention that there’s been three times in the last two weeks that I’ve had to pick up from school and bring him home? One day, he got pushed on the bus, burst into tears, and hid in the office and wouldn’t come out – and there was NO ONE to look after him, give him some time, etc… so he had to come home because they couldn’t leave him there. Similar incident happened, except the second time he had worked himself into an anxiety induced tizzy, and they made me come and pick him up. SIGH !!!

WHY do schools have to SUCK so bad most of the time???

=)

From: [mailto:AspergersSu pport@group s.com] On Behalf Of O'BrienSent: Wednesday, November 11, 2009 5:46 PM Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Alright, wonderful people... I need some insight !!!

He told me that he came out of the stall, and the boy said “Did you scare me?†and said “Yes†and then he choked him. I am SURE there must be more to it then that, and I agree, he needs someone with him during unstructured times. I was told FLAT OUT he wouldn’t qualify for an aide unless he was a)physically disabled, having toileting issues, c) running out of the classroom, or d) hurting himself or others. In that regard, I’m kind of glad this happened… he NEEDS an aide !!!

Would you have done anything different for following up with things?? What about consequence at school? Thoughts?

Thanks Miriam !!

=)

From: [mailto:AspergersSu pport@group s.com] On Behalf Of mimasdprofileSent: Wednesday, November 11, 2009 2:57 PM Subject: ( ) Re: Alright, wonderful people... I need some insight !!!

Did tell his side of what happened? If he can't then he needs someone to be with him in unstructured time including bathroom breaks. The only time this stuff comes up with my son is when nobody is around to see what really happened. Usually it happens when is alone and feels threatened for some reason. I expect felt threatened but he has no one to be his voice.Miriam>> Gosh, let me start off by saying that I am SO glad you guys are here. After> our afternoon yesterday, and this morning - the only thing I could think of> was - I *HAVE* to go home and tell my Aspie group!!! Thank you all for being> here > >

> > Ok - so seems to be regressing. I honestly don't know why. When he> was younger, he'd float through the first 2-3wks of school, and then once he> got "comfortable", we'd see a return of the "behaviors". Last year, he> wasn't settled. We moved at Christmastime across the country, and the second> half of grade 3 was with an amazing male teacher who was so great, and they> ended up with lots of aide time, even though no one in their class had an> aide. This worked well for us, since 's never NOT had one. Even if it> wasn't for HIM specifically (and at times, it was), he was at least in a> room that already had one, so they worked with him, too.> > > > So over the last few weeks, anxiety seems to be at an all time high, stomach> aches, stress induced diarrhea, oh yeah, it's been THAT bad. He's been> crawling in the hallways at

school, needing to take breaks from the> classroom again, and hiding in the photocopy room near the office, refusing> to come out. Refusing to do work at school. Etc etc etc.> > > > Monday at school, he apparently had a good day. During French, he needed a> break. He has a break card, and used it - and wouldn't return to French> class, but did his French work in the office. So that was fine. Then, during> the last few minutes before the end of the day, he asked to go to the> washroom - which was fine. So off he went. Story goes, that he went in, went> to the bathroom, came out of the stall and there was a grade 2 boy in the> bathroom. He said the boy asked him if he scared him, and said "yes".> Then, we have a "blank out" moment. Sigh. choked the other boy. He> remembers the boy saying "STOP", and him walking back to his classroom. So>

he sat down in class, and they were getting their things together for the> end of the day. Grade 2 teacher shows up with said boy, who had RED marks on> his neck from choking him. spoke to his teacher about it, and> the grade 2 teacher, and the principal. He then had to go apologize to the> boy, and the boy's father (who was there anyway to pick up the boy after> school). Then the principal told to go wait in the office, and > said "So, am I gonna miss the bus or what?".. making the principal think> that it just didn't matter to him.> > > > SO when he got home, I had a talk with him. I insisted that he write the boy> an apology letter. He worked REALLY hard on that letter. We role played> some, as he'd been "bullied" by a bigger boy not that long ago. So we played> it out like it was that boy who had choked . It helped him

come up> with feelings and thoughts that this other boy must have been thinking. It> was really great. I was proud of how hard he worked, and the letter was> great. He stayed up in his room to work on that before supper time on> Monday, and finished up his one sheet of homework. > > > > Yesterday morning, I drove him to school. I had him read the letter to the> principal. She sent him to his room afterwards, telling him to write the> boys name on the top of the letter. She didn't say ANYTHING about the letter> otherwise. She informed me that would be spending recess in the> office for 5 days as a consequence. She said "he could still have his snack,> and his DS, just not be in the classroom". I told her that was a REWARD, not> a punishment. He wouldn't care, and would likely ENJOY that. So if she was> going to put him in the office, it would

need to be with NO ds (that's his> biggest obsession, he keeps it in his desk at school - never tries to play> it, but is obviously comforted just knowing it's there). She said "But I> took his DS away last week, and it didn't go over well, and he had a rough> rest of his day." I told her to DEAL with it. Lol She said she'd be> following up with the guidance councellor, and I asked her to have him call> me, to keep me informed about what was going on. She also told me she was> going to "consult with someone from the board on this." THEY AREN'T> LISTENING !!!> > > > I got this email from the guidance councellor last night.> > > > Hello ,> > > > Just a follow-up as per your request. Special Services had a meeting today> to review 's behavior plan and to see what (if any)> changes/adaptations

needed to occur. To support in school, the> behavior plan has to not only include positive reinforcement strategies> (which are being consistently implimented) , but also specific, well-laid out> consequences in response to more serious behaviors. The team questioned> whether the response protocol section of behavior plan appropriately> addressed serious safety behaviors. The behavior plan (in conjunction with> our Code of Conduct) should address this. Our School Code of Conduct is up> for review this coming week, and once finalized, we will communicate the> results to you ( & how that impacts the response protocol). We will continue> to praise/reward for all academic & behavioral successes, but also> ensure to provide real, meaningful consequences fo r negative> choices/behaviors (which not only should consider his learning & well-being> but

also the well-being of those around him).> > > > We will be in touch for an appropriate time to meet and review future> changes,> > > > Thank you,> > > > The Special Services Team> > > > Is it just me, or do I sense complete and total NEGATIVITY in that? Sigh.> > > > ADVICE needed. Any of you who have dealt with this type of thing before,> how'd you follow up? How'd the school follow up? I really am at a loss, but> I know I'm NOT about to let another school "peg" him as a bad kid with> behavioural issues. He's a GOOD kid. I have told him, and them, regardless> of the "struggles" he faces, it will be a reason, but never an excuse. But I> can't help feeling like they cannot EXPECT him to comply to the "code of> conduct" in the same way as children without neurological

problems would. Am> I being unreasonable? ??> > > > Thanks in advance.> > > > Frazzled Mama,> > > > =)>