Guest guest Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 because I know this may sound bad but I can not imagine having her living with me the rest of my life. I will gladly help her to be independent and live on her own, because I needher to. Does anyone else feel like this or am I the only one? >>>>> Oh you are Not alone. I have 2 Aspie children and my youngest son has been far harder. I will not have him home once he is an adult unless allot changes in the next 2 years. Theresa StoopsCoordinator OfFlorida FASD Interagency Action Group 850-408-3789 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 , It was really helpful for me to read this today. We began homeschooling my son who is almost 7 because after several attempts at various schools (pre-school, Montessori, kindergarten charter, 1st grade public) we have determined he just cannot have a successful day (that's putting it mildly!) Like your son, he has also spent his school years under the table, screaming or having tantrums... spending most days at the office. So here we are homeschooling, things are better, he's calmer, able to focus more and can attend 1 day a week classes on site with a group of 6 kids. But now I'm starting to panic! Is this it? Are we FOREVER destined to homeschool? Yikes, I don't know if I'm in for the long haul. It was a temporary solution to a very huge problem. I'm taking it year to year I guess and willing to do whatever it takes to help my son but it's scarey at times. I've tried and tried to find the proper supports - Dr's etc. but it just isn't happening Can I ask you what are some things you did to help get your son where he is today? Besides great parenting! ; ) Therapy? Social Skills training? Meds? ( ) Re: Ok ! The oldest of my sons with AS is finishing high school this year. He'll be 20 this summer. (Because I had him repeat a year of grade school to give him time to mature for middle school, and then take a fifth year of high school to give him time to mature for college.) He's earned an A+ certificate at the high school tech school which qualifies him for something like working on the Geek Squad. The school's special ed. director just called me this morning to say they'll do educational testing so he can qualify for disability services at the community college. (I was so sure the answer to that would be "no" that I almost didn't ask.) He's been accepted to the community college where he's going to do his first two years of college. The plan is to transfer him to an in-town 4-year college to get an IT degree when he's done at the CC. His behavior is *much* improved from when he was younger. The meltdowns are a thing of the past. He's taking responsibility for chores around the household and doing a good job with his personal hygiene.This is a kid who spent his preschool and kindergarten years under the classroom table, crying loudly. He had to be homeschooled when he was in grade school because the alternative was to let the school send him to a center for emotionally disturbed children. He was so depressed in middle school that he wrote a suicide note. Twice. He turned us in to Child Services because of a fight with his brother, and then did the same thing again a year later because of a fight with his sister. (He thought they'd pull the other kids from the family, and was truly shocked to discover that it was more likely that they'd put *him* in foster care to keep him safe.) He slept through much of his first two years of high school. He really put us through the wringer while we were raising him. It was exhausting. I can't tell you how worried I was about him. But everything is coming together according to plan now. We still have a couple of major hurdles to clear. He needs to prove that he can function successfully at the community college and then at a 4-year college. After that he has to find (and keep) a job. All of that can be a real challenge for adults with AS, but I'm cautiously hopeful. Everything isn't sunshine and puppies, but there is a lot to be thankful for. These kids can really do better as they get older and more mature. It just takes them longer than their typical classmates. Hang in there!Sue C. No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.5.449 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3540 - Release Date: 03/30/11 09:54:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 At this point in my life...my 15 year old (9th grade) has been giving us such a hard time. I was at my breaking point the other night and snapped his phone in half. I pay for it...and the way he has been acting and treating us...I had enough. The next day he says to his dad...I don't know why mom broke my phone....no clue! OMG! It has been a rough 15 years and I don't want him living with us forever either...I want some sanity in my life. I want to travel across the country and I want to relax at some point. J "In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position From: Theresa S. <houndlover2@...> Sent: Thu, March 31, 2011 11:24:35 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Ok ! because I know this may sound bad but I can not imagine having her living with me the rest of my life. I will gladly help her to be independent and live on her own, because I needher to. Does anyone else feel like this or am I the only one? >>>>> Oh you are Not alone. I have 2 Aspie children and my youngest son has been far harder. I will not have him home once he is an adult unless allot changes in the next 2 years. Theresa StoopsCoordinator OfFlorida FASD Interagency Action Group 850-408-3789 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Wow Sue...... Thank you for your story. Hearing about hard times shouldn't make us feel better, but it sure does. Hearing, also, that he's making it.......what a wonderful thing. I'm so happy for you!!!!! Please keep us posted. Robin From: Comtois <suetois@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Ok ! Date: Thursday, March 31, 2011, 8:01 AM The oldest of my sons with AS is finishing high school this year. He'll be 20 this summer. (Because I had him repeat a year of grade school to give him time to mature for middle school, and then take a fifth year of high school to give him time to mature for college.) He's earned an A+ certificate at the high school tech school which qualifies him for something like working on the Geek Squad. The school's special ed. director just called me this morning to say they'll do educational testing so he can qualify for disability services at the community college. (I was so sure the answer to that would be "no" that I almost didn't ask.) He's been accepted to the community college where he's going to do his first two years of college. The plan is to transfer him to an in-town 4-year college to get an IT degree when he's done at the CC. His behavior is *much* improved from when he was younger. The meltdowns are a thing of the past. He's taking responsibility for chores around the household and doing a good job with his personal hygiene.This is a kid who spent his preschool and kindergarten years under the classroom table, crying loudly. He had to be homeschooled when he was in grade school because the alternative was to let the school send him to a center for emotionally disturbed children. He was so depressed in middle school that he wrote a suicide note. Twice. He turned us in to Child Services because of a fight with his brother, and then did the same thing again a year later because of a fight with his sister. (He thought they'd pull the other kids from the family, and was truly shocked to discover that it was more likely that they'd put *him* in foster care to keep him safe.) He slept through much of his first two years of high school. He really put us through the wringer while we were raising him. It was exhausting. I can't tell you how worried I was about him. But everything is coming together according to plan now. We still have a couple of major hurdles to clear. He needs to prove that he can function successfully at the community college and then at a 4-year college. After that he has to find (and keep) a job. All of that can be a real challenge for adults with AS, but I'm cautiously hopeful. Everything isn't sunshine and puppies, but there is a lot to be thankful for. These kids can really do better as they get older and more mature. It just takes them longer than their typical classmates. Hang in there!Sue C. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 2, 2011 Report Share Posted April 2, 2011 I don't think there is anything cold and dark in your heart that you don't want your adult child living with you. Children are suppose to grow and become independent and move on...that is the norm. And, as I get older (I am but not wanting to accept it), I realize that I want some peace and quiet time. I want time to travel and finally enjoy my life. I don't think that is selfish...and I don't think that not wanting your adult child to live with you is being selfish either. I know I want my son to be independent and hold down a job. At this point in life...I am not sure he will. I am worried he will get in trouble legally especially with girls. My husband is 62 and is thinking of retiring at 67. I want him to enjoy his life, the time he has left. He has worked so hard all his life an given so much and our son doesn't even realize any of this. He can't think into the future. He doesn't see the world as we do and he really needs help socially. My sister's son is now 34, never completed college and is living with her. He never held a job down for more than 6 months. He worked odd jobs and then quit or gets fired. He has no dx. She is fustrated as she doesn't want to kick him out but he has no ambition to help himself. I know in your heart you love your child and you will do what is needed....but not wanting to have him live with you and take care of him past his school years...I think it is okay to feel this way. I will be the first to admit it...I don't want it either. I will take care of him if need be but I really want him to be independent so i can finally be independent. j "In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position From: Mimi <sue@...> Sent: Sat, April 2, 2011 9:56:02 AMSubject: ( ) Re: Ok ! I couldn't imagine DS living with us either, but here he is at 26! It is hard to hand them a cardboard box and say, over there's a nice overpass you can live under. And right now, that's what he'd be doing. Even if he could get a job that would support him, any job, which he has not been able to do, he is so, so, don't know the word...unable to function without some help, that he can't live alone. Sure wish he could, I would love to have him be independent. So you are not alone, I think most parents want their children to be independent, but sometimes it just doesn't turn out that way. And I keep thinking there must be something cold and dark in my heart that I don't want to care for him and protect him until I drop dead. I see so few other parents of adult children who discuss this or even seem to exist that I assume they must all be OK with it.So I'll go make some more phone calls trying to find a way for him to move out, be independent. My only suggestion is to become politically noisy! If your child might not be able to live without some assistance and there is no family to step in, make sure that those services are available once they reach that black hole of aging out of the school system.Sue in Tn>> > >  because I know this may sound bad but I can not > imagine having her living with me the rest of my life. I will gladly help her to be independent and live on her own, because I need > her to. Does anyone else feel like this or am I the only one? >>>>> > > > > Oh you are Not alone. I have 2 Aspie children and my youngest son has been far harder. > > I will not have him home once he is an adult unless allot changes in the next 2 years. > > > > Theresa Stoops > Coordinator Of > Flo rida FASD Interagency Action Group > 850-408-3789 > > > > > > > Theresa Stoops > Coordinator Of > Flo rida FASD Interagency Action Group > 850-408-3789> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 3, 2011 Report Share Posted April 3, 2011 Hi , I can't remember if I responded with a thank you or not. My inbox and outbox have been so busy lately! LOL. But thank you for your supportive words - very helpful. Have a great weekend. ( ) Re: Ok !The oldest of my sons with AS is finishing high school this year. He'll be 20 this summer. (Because I had him repeat a year of grade school to give him time to mature for middle school, and then take a fifth year of high school to give him time to mature for college.) He's earned an A+ certificate at the high school tech school which qualifies him for something like working on the Geek Squad. The school's special ed. director just called me this morning to say they'll do educational testing so he can qualify for disability services at the community college. (I was so sure the answer to that would be "no" that I almost didn't ask.) He's been accepted to the community college where he's going to do his first two years of college. The plan is to transfer him to an in-town 4-year college to get an IT degree when he's done at the CC. His behavior is *much* improved from when he was younger. The meltdowns are a thing of the past. He's taking responsibility for chores around the household and doing a good job with his personal hygiene.This is a kid who spent his preschool and kindergarten years under the classroom table, crying loudly. He had to be homeschooled when he was in grade school because the alternative was to let the school send him to a center for emotionally disturbed children. He was so depressed in middle school that he wrote a suicide note. Twice. He turned us in to Child Services because of a fight with his brother, and then did the same thing again a year later because of a fight with his sister. (He thought they'd pull the other kids from the family, and was truly shocked to discover that it was more likely that they'd put *him* in foster care to keep him safe.) He slept through much of his first two years of high school. He really put us through the wringer while we were raising him. It was exhausting. I can't tell you how worried I was about him. But everything is coming together according to plan now. We still have a couple of major hurdles to clear. He needs to prove that he can function successfully at the community college and then at a 4-year college. After that he has to find (and keep) a job. All of that can be a real challenge for adults with AS, but I'm cautiously hopeful. Everything isn't sunshine and puppies, but there is a lot to be thankful for. These kids can really do better as they get older and more mature. It just takes them longer than their typical classmates. Hang in there!Sue C. No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - www.avg.com Version: 8.5.449 / Virus Database: 271.1.1/3543 - Release Date: 03/31/11 18:34:00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.