Re: Social skills for a 4-yr old

[Guest guest]

Oh I remember those days. What a struggle. I tried to set up

regular playdates three times a week. One girl her mother worked.

Another girl was in play therapy with my daughter privately

and the third kids were a few boys that were also only children.

It was so embarassing sometimes she would say she didn't want

these kids over.

Dr. Stanley Greenspan has developed a therapy called floor time. He wants the

parents to engage the child in play twice a day.

To draw our children out of their withdrawn ways.

I think this therapy makes so much sense. I had such a hard time

with my daughter though. She was so hyper focused on her interests.

It was like she was lost.

I have her on zoloft and it has helped reduced her obessiveness.

My experience is that it is very hard to get a psychiatrist

to prescribe medication but the child nuerologists I think

understand AS better. It really made enageing with her a little

better.

I think for my own sanity it was better to stay engaged even

though she was so degrading socially sometimes.

At least I was engaged with people too. Sometimes people

criticized me. It hurt for sure. But the truth is she has

special needs, she needed a special ed school, she needed

medication for anxiety and she needs a behavior plan to manage

her behaviors. I think I did great with the limited resources

we had and the lack of support from others.

As she has gotten older she is interested in playing with

younger kids.

We joined a family campground and there are so many kids for

her to play with. It has been younger kids though and

I have to supervise every minute nearly. She is much more

polite now that she is 12. Some YMCA's have weekly family nights

I joined one that did and I take her.

I try to take her places kids do go to.So her experiences

are similar to her peers. I had to find movies that were

not too loud and desensitize her to them. I take her roller

skating and she hangs onto the wall but we have fun.

We go to amusement parks and take it slow with exposure.

I take her out to eat so she gets use to different smells.

All I can say is that it is hard to get them to socialize,

but you have to accept that people may be critical

of you or your child but it is for both your good to

find ways to stay socially involved.

>

> My son needs help, that much I am sure of. How to get it and what `it' is I

have no idea.

> Since he is only 4, it seems he doesn't `get it' much, and I know that will

improve with time and maturity, but what do I do for now?

> Here's current status:

> Only child. (so no sibs to interact with).

> Diagnosed in Jan. with mild asd.

> He's in a spec. ed school attending pre-K. He went there for a few months at

the end of last school year as well. Has general goals for interacting with

teacher and peers and for initiating conversations. He's not making much

progress on them.

> School says they `just do social skills in the classroom' and do not have any

special pull-out sessions. (Yes, I know it doesn't matter what they say they do

for all, and if he needs more I need to make a case for it. For a special ed

school, it's ridiculous how stingy they are with services).

> Teacher says he prefers to play alone during free-play.(And is really much

more concerned with him being able to get his coat on by himself). This is not

the case according to him, and he gets sad telling me about it. He really likes

a girl named Jane. Talks about wanting to play with her all the time. We talk

about what he can do/say and play-act and use social stories, but he can't

follow through at school. Teacher also says he is quiet and polite, only speaks

when he is supposed to. At home, he talks non-stop. He is very smart and funny.

He has a cousin one year older than him and he plays beautifully with her all

day long at Grandma's. None of this carries over to school, so they have no idea

what he is capable of.

> Also doesn't carry over elsewhere. Recently we were at the library, which has

a large children's section with lots of toys/activities. He was playing in the

`kitchen' alcove when another boy of about 2 ½ came in and started playing too-

kind of away from him, not taking anything he was trying to play with or getting

in his way, so I was very surprised to hear my son say `I don't like you. You

have to leave.' Sheesh! Later he was at the train table and another boy was

there taking apart some of the track and trying to put other pieces on which was

upsetting my son. He kept telling him to stop that, put that back, don't take it

apart, etc. That boy left, then the same boy from the kitchen came over and was

playing on the other side of the table. My son was trying to get his train all

the way around the track though, so he reached over and yanked the other boys'

off and told him to move. This is getting long, but you get the idea. I did try

to explain to him the proper ways to handle those situations, but at 4 I'm not

sure I was really getting through. I know this will take much repetition, but

what else can I be doing to work on this? I think much of this is classic

behavior for our kids, but how much is just due to his age anyways? I really

want to work on it before it gets much worse.

> I have scheduled a visit to observe the classroom so I can document his lack

of interaction in class, and will then ask for an IEP meeting to discuss new

social skills goals/services. I am also trying to find activities outside of

school, which is hard here. Nothing is scheduled on Saturdays, and I work

full-time, and my wonderful DH doesn't see a need to do anything else but send

him to school everyday. I sent a note to school for the teacher to give to

Jane's parents to call me about a play-date, but they never called. I will look

for another candidate when I observe the class.

> Any other ideas?

> Thanks

> TJ

>

[Guest guest]

He actually does play with us and engages with us all the time. To the point

where it's hard to get stuff done around the house! But, everytime he's pleading

'Come play with me mommy or Mommy you have to play with me' I am deeply thankful

for hearing those words.

He is only withdrawn at school, and has poor skills with other kids in general.

Except for the one cousin with whom I can leave him with for hours playing and

only occasional peek in to make sure all is ok.

Now just yesterday one of his paras commented to my husband about how chatty

he's been this week, so that's new. I definitely need to get him out more. I

found a 'little Ninjas' class that I will be able to take him to on Monday

afternoons and got my DH on board for taking him on Wednesdays, so hopefully

this will be some good exposure.

Thanks

TJ

> >

> > My son needs help, that much I am sure of. How to get it and what `it' is I

have no idea.

> > Since he is only 4, it seems he doesn't `get it' much, and I know that will

improve with time and maturity, but what do I do for now?

> > Here's current status:

> > Only child. (so no sibs to interact with).

> > Diagnosed in Jan. with mild asd.

> > He's in a spec. ed school attending pre-K. He went there for a few months at

the end of last school year as well. Has general goals for interacting with

teacher and peers and for initiating conversations. He's not making much

progress on them.

> > School says they `just do social skills in the classroom' and do not have

any special pull-out sessions. (Yes, I know it doesn't matter what they say they

do for all, and if he needs more I need to make a case for it. For a special ed

school, it's ridiculous how stingy they are with services).

> > Teacher says he prefers to play alone during free-play.(And is really much

more concerned with him being able to get his coat on by himself). This is not

the case according to him, and he gets sad telling me about it. He really likes

a girl named Jane. Talks about wanting to play with her all the time. We talk

about what he can do/say and play-act and use social stories, but he can't

follow through at school. Teacher also says he is quiet and polite, only speaks

when he is supposed to. At home, he talks non-stop. He is very smart and funny.

He has a cousin one year older than him and he plays beautifully with her all

day long at Grandma's. None of this carries over to school, so they have no idea

what he is capable of.

> > Also doesn't carry over elsewhere. Recently we were at the library, which

has a large children's section with lots of toys/activities. He was playing in

the `kitchen' alcove when another boy of about 2 ½ came in and started playing

too- kind of away from him, not taking anything he was trying to play with or

getting in his way, so I was very surprised to hear my son say `I don't like

you. You have to leave.' Sheesh! Later he was at the train table and another boy

was there taking apart some of the track and trying to put other pieces on which

was upsetting my son. He kept telling him to stop that, put that back, don't

take it apart, etc. That boy left, then the same boy from the kitchen came over

and was playing on the other side of the table. My son was trying to get his

train all the way around the track though, so he reached over and yanked the

other boys' off and told him to move. This is getting long, but you get the

idea. I did try to explain to him the proper ways to handle those situations,

but at 4 I'm not sure I was really getting through. I know this will take much

repetition, but what else can I be doing to work on this? I think much of this

is classic behavior for our kids, but how much is just due to his age anyways? I

really want to work on it before it gets much worse.

> > I have scheduled a visit to observe the classroom so I can document his lack

of interaction in class, and will then ask for an IEP meeting to discuss new

social skills goals/services. I am also trying to find activities outside of

school, which is hard here. Nothing is scheduled on Saturdays, and I work

full-time, and my wonderful DH doesn't see a need to do anything else but send

him to school everyday. I sent a note to school for the teacher to give to

Jane's parents to call me about a play-date, but they never called. I will look

for another candidate when I observe the class.

> > Any other ideas?

> > Thanks

> > TJ

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Go to www.wrightslaw.com and learn about the laws regarding special

education. 2. Start creating a paper trail. If they tell you they

don't do something, ask to have that in writing for your records. You

can also write a follow up note/letter restating what you are being

told.

They cannot have a " one size fits all " special ed program because that

is against the law which states that they must design an appropriate

education program that is individualized. I would therefore, 3. make a

present levels, have a meeting and go down a list of all the areas of

concern. If they are refusing, again, ask for that in writing, " You

are refusing to address this problem because you state that this school

does not have to...(or whatever...) and I disagree. Please send me

that information in writing along with a prior written notice that you

refuse to provide this service. " Then move on to the next. If you

need to, take the information up the food chain. Another idea is to

find an advocate in your area from your local parent information

center. Keep after it!

Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

( ) Social skills for a 4-yr old

My son needs help, that much I am sure of. How to get it and what `it'

is I have no idea.

Since he is only 4, it seems he doesn't `get it' much, and I know that

will improve with time and maturity, but what do I do for now?

Here's current status:

Only child. (so no sibs to interact with).

Diagnosed in Jan. with mild asd.

He's in a spec. ed school attending pre-K. He went there for a few

months at the end of last school year as well. Has general goals for

interacting with teacher and peers and for initiating conversations.

He's not making much progress on them.

School says they `just do social skills in the classroom' and do not

have any special pull-out sessions. (Yes, I know it doesn't matter what

they say they do for all, and if he needs more I need to make a case

for it. For a special ed school, it's ridiculous how stingy they are

with services).

Teacher says he prefers to play alone during free-play.(And is really

much more concerned with him being able to get his coat on by himself).

This is not the case according to him, and he gets sad telling me about

it. He really likes a girl named Jane. Talks about wanting to play with

her all the time. We talk about what he can do/say and play-act and use

social stories, but he can't follow through at school. Teacher also

says he is quiet and polite, only speaks when he is supposed to. At

home, he talks non-stop. He is very smart and funny. He has a cousin

one year older than him and he plays beautifully with her all day long

at Grandma's. None of this carries over to school, so they have no idea

what he is capable of.

Also doesn't carry over elsewhere. Recently we were at the library,

which has a large children's section with lots of toys/activities. He

was playing in the `kitchen' alcove when another boy of about 2 ½ came

in and started playing too- kind of away from him, not taking anything

he was trying to play with or getting in his way, so I was very

surprised to hear my son say `I don't like you. You have to leave.'

Sheesh! Later he was at the train table and another boy was there

taking apart some of the track and trying to put other pieces on which

was upsetting my son. He kept telling him to stop that, put that back,

don't take it apart, etc. That boy left, then the same boy from the

kitchen came over and was playing on the other side of the table. My

son was trying to get his train all the way around the track though, so

he reached over and yanked the other boys' off and told him to move.

This is getting long, but you get the idea. I did try to explain to him

the proper ways to handle those situations, but at 4 I'm not sure I was

really getting through. I know this will take much repetition, but what

else can I be doing to work on this? I think much of this is classic

behavior for our kids, but how much is just due to his age anyways? I

really want to work on it before it gets much worse.

I have scheduled a visit to observe the classroom so I can document his

lack of interaction in class, and will then ask for an IEP meeting to

discuss new social skills goals/services. I am also trying to find

activities outside of school, which is hard here. Nothing is scheduled

on Saturdays, and I work full-time, and my wonderful DH doesn't see a

need to do anything else but send him to school everyday. I sent a note

to school for the teacher to give to Jane's parents to call me about a

play-date, but they never called. I will look for another candidate

when I observe the class.

Any other ideas?

Thanks

TJ

[Guest guest]

The class sounds like a good start. And it sounds wonderful that

your son is so engaging with you. I did ask that my daughter

be paired up with a buddy at school and I told them they could change the buddy

every month or so if this was a problem for the children

in the class. My daughter seemed to cope 1:1. Recess was always a

problem because the buddy was for in class and lunch but the school

would not goes as far as providing one at recess. It seems such

a simple problem to solve with access to an aide but few schools

want to allocate this resource at recess it seems to me in talking to other

parents.

Good luck,

Pam

> > >

> > > My son needs help, that much I am sure of. How to get it and what `it' is

I have no idea.

> > > Since he is only 4, it seems he doesn't `get it' much, and I know that

will improve with time and maturity, but what do I do for now?

> > > Here's current status:

> > > Only child. (so no sibs to interact with).

> > > Diagnosed in Jan. with mild asd.

> > > He's in a spec. ed school attending pre-K. He went there for a few months

at the end of last school year as well. Has general goals for interacting with

teacher and peers and for initiating conversations. He's not making much

progress on them.

> > > School says they `just do social skills in the classroom' and do not have

any special pull-out sessions. (Yes, I know it doesn't matter what they say they

do for all, and if he needs more I need to make a case for it. For a special ed

school, it's ridiculous how stingy they are with services).

> > > Teacher says he prefers to play alone during free-play.(And is really much

more concerned with him being able to get his coat on by himself). This is not

the case according to him, and he gets sad telling me about it. He really likes

a girl named Jane. Talks about wanting to play with her all the time. We talk

about what he can do/say and play-act and use social stories, but he can't

follow through at school. Teacher also says he is quiet and polite, only speaks

when he is supposed to. At home, he talks non-stop. He is very smart and funny.

He has a cousin one year older than him and he plays beautifully with her all

day long at Grandma's. None of this carries over to school, so they have no idea

what he is capable of.

> > > Also doesn't carry over elsewhere. Recently we were at the library, which

has a large children's section with lots of toys/activities. He was playing in

the `kitchen' alcove when another boy of about 2 ½ came in and started playing

too- kind of away from him, not taking anything he was trying to play with or

getting in his way, so I was very surprised to hear my son say `I don't like

you. You have to leave.' Sheesh! Later he was at the train table and another boy

was there taking apart some of the track and trying to put other pieces on which

was upsetting my son. He kept telling him to stop that, put that back, don't

take it apart, etc. That boy left, then the same boy from the kitchen came over

and was playing on the other side of the table. My son was trying to get his

train all the way around the track though, so he reached over and yanked the

other boys' off and told him to move. This is getting long, but you get the

idea. I did try to explain to him the proper ways to handle those situations,

but at 4 I'm not sure I was really getting through. I know this will take much

repetition, but what else can I be doing to work on this? I think much of this

is classic behavior for our kids, but how much is just due to his age anyways? I

really want to work on it before it gets much worse.

> > > I have scheduled a visit to observe the classroom so I can document his

lack of interaction in class, and will then ask for an IEP meeting to discuss

new social skills goals/services. I am also trying to find activities outside of

school, which is hard here. Nothing is scheduled on Saturdays, and I work

full-time, and my wonderful DH doesn't see a need to do anything else but send

him to school everyday. I sent a note to school for the teacher to give to

Jane's parents to call me about a play-date, but they never called. I will look

for another candidate when I observe the class.

> > > Any other ideas?

> > > Thanks

> > > TJ

> > >

> >

>