Re: Ok !

March 30, 2011

you are not alone.. From: Donna Swearingen <theswears@...> Sent: Wed, March 30, 2011 10:13:13 PMSubject: ( ) Ok !

Tell me something good! Tell me something positive!!!! PLEASE!

Sent from my iPhone

March 31, 2011

thanks!Sent from my iPhoneOn Mar 30, 2011, at 10:22 PM, chris Dunn <christineshello@...> wrote:

you are not alone.. From: Donna Swearingen <theswears@...> Sent: Wed, March 30, 2011 10:13:13 PMSubject: ( ) Ok !

Tell me something good! Tell me something positive!!!! PLEASE!

Sent from my iPhone

March 31, 2011

You're a great mom!

>

> Tell me something good! Tell me something positive!!!! PLEASE!

> Sent from my iPhone

>

March 31, 2011

The oldest of my sons with AS is finishing high school this year. He'll be 20

this summer. (Because I had him repeat a year of grade school to give him time

to mature for middle school, and then take a fifth year of high school to give

him time to mature for college.) He's earned an A+ certificate at the high

school tech school which qualifies him for something like working on the Geek

Squad. The school's special ed. director just called me this morning to say

they'll do educational testing so he can qualify for disability services at the

community college. (I was so sure the answer to that would be " no " that I

almost didn't ask.) He's been accepted to the community college where he's

going to do his first two years of college. The plan is to transfer him to an

in-town 4-year college to get an IT degree when he's done at the CC. His

behavior is *much* improved from when he was younger. The meltdowns are a thing

of the past. He's taking responsibility for chores around the household and

doing a good job with his personal hygiene.

This is a kid who spent his preschool and kindergarten years under the classroom

table, crying loudly. He had to be homeschooled when he was in grade school

because the alternative was to let the school send him to a center for

emotionally disturbed children. He was so depressed in middle school that he

wrote a suicide note. Twice. He turned us in to Child Services because of a

fight with his brother, and then did the same thing again a year later because

of a fight with his sister. (He thought they'd pull the other kids from the

family, and was truly shocked to discover that it was more likely that they'd

put *him* in foster care to keep him safe.) He slept through much of his first

two years of high school. He really put us through the wringer while we were

raising him. It was exhausting. I can't tell you how worried I was about him.

But everything is coming together according to plan now. We still have a couple

of major hurdles to clear. He needs to prove that he can function successfully

at the community college and then at a 4-year college. After that he has to

find (and keep) a job. All of that can be a real challenge for adults with AS,

but I'm cautiously hopeful. Everything isn't sunshine and puppies, but there is

a lot to be thankful for. These kids can really do better as they get older and

more mature. It just takes them longer than their typical classmates. Hang in

there!

Sue C.

March 31, 2011

I can relate all to well to this topic. My 15 year old daughter always has to have the last word and is never wrong.

Always wants to argue. It is driving me crazy. She wants to be left alone all the time. She was bullied so much that in January

we started home schooling. Her grades have improved greatly and so has her anxiety. As far as her attitude, always has to be right,

just basically unpleasant unless your doing what she wants to do and doing it her way. She has been in counseling for 2 years now

every week plus we have tried different medications to help with ODD, Anxiety, ADD, OCD. I feel like I need to get her through the

next couple of years, and hopefully she can get some kind of job or disability, because I know this may sound bad but I can not

imagine having her living with me the rest of my life. I will gladly help her to be independent and live on her own, because I need

her to. Does anyone else feel like this or am I the only one? Any advise would be appreciated.

April 1, 2011

Hi, . It sounds like you're doing a great job with your son. FWIW, we

only homeschooled our son for a few years--third thru fifth grades. If I had it

to do over again, though, I probably would have pulled him from middle school

too because our middle school made things worse instead of better.

Homeschooling was a big part of what we did right with our son. When it was

time to put him back in school I met with the school, and they agreed to let me

bring him in for a few hours at a time for the first month or two to help him

get acclimated. I think that was a great idea and am thankful that I was

working with a principal who was willing to meet us halfway.

We also worked with a good psychiatrist, who had experience working with

children with AS, to find meds that would help him. He wound up taking Adderall

to help him focus better, Abilify to help bring down the intensity of emotions

he had trouble dealing with, and an antidepressant when he was severely

depressed. I think that really helped him. He's still taking Adderall and

Abilify. Recently we tried dropping the Abilify, but he said it was much harder

to keep his temper under control, so he started taking it again.

He also had OT when he was young to help deal with hypersensitivities and to try

to help him with his handwriting (the handwriting bit didn't work <g> so we

taught him to type when he was about 11yo and got an AlphaSmart for him which he

still uses). He attended a private weekly social skills group starting in third

grade up until he was 17. During the last few years he also did a bit of

individual therapy.

I think one of the things that has helped him the most was the spec. ed. staff

at the high school. I approached them with the mind set that they,

individually, have his best interests at heart and are constrained by what the

district will let them do. I truly believe that's true of most people who go

into the special ed. field. They want to help, and they want to see " their "

kids succeed, but their jobs are on the line in some ways. There are a lot of

times where they agree with me about what my son needs, but they can't say so

officially, and they just can't get it for him. Understanding that means you're

understanding them and helps you form a good relationship with them on an

individual basis. Our son's staff really took a personal interest in him. He

was in a daily Basic Skills class which at our high school is like a study hall

monitored by a special education teacher (who is often case manager for the kids

in the class) who helps the kids with staying organized. His case manager was

the one who suggested that he would do well at the district's tech school, which

really gave him a sense of direction for his life. He has several other

accommodations like getting class notes from his teachers, eating lunch outside

of the cafeteria and taking gym in a small class setting (both to help him with

his hypersensitivity to sound), and being allowed to transfer between classes a

few minutes before the bells ring so he won't be jostled in the rush. All of

those things cut back on the sensory things that add up until he can't avoid

reacting. IMO reducing the routine challenges for people with AS is critical to

their ability to cope successfully.

He's been evaluated and accepted for services from our state Department of

Rehabilitative Services that will help with job placement when he's finally

ready for that (and when he finally makes it to the top of the waiting list).

He's working toward a career in an area that doesn't require excellent people

skills.

I can't think of anything else. I know it sounds daunting to look at the need

to do all of this. It's demanding, expensive, and it takes a team of people

working together to get a good outcome for our son, but I think it's all

starting to pay off. It all gets done little-by-little, day-by-day, though. My

advice would be to have a long-term plan for how to climb the mountain, but then

to take the journey step-by-step.

Sue C.

Re: Ok !

Posted by: " SoCalVal " socalval@... valerieschwinn

Thu Mar 31, 2011 7:12 pm (PDT)

,

It was really helpful for me to read this today. We began homeschooling my son

who is almost 7 because after several attempts at various schools (pre-school,

Montessori, kindergarten charter, 1st grade public) we have determined he just

cannot have a successful day (that's putting it mildly!) Like your son, he has

also spent his school years under the table, screaming or having tantrums...

spending most days at the office. So here we are homeschooling, things are

better, he's calmer, able to focus more and can attend 1 day a week classes on

site with a group of 6 kids. But now I'm starting to panic! Is this it? Are we

FOREVER destined to homeschool? Yikes, I don't know if I'm in for the long haul.

It was a temporary solution to a very huge problem. I'm taking it year to year I

guess and willing to do whatever it takes to help my son but it's scarey at

times. I've tried and tried to find the proper supports - Dr's etc. but it just

isn't happening

Can I ask you what are some things you did to help get your son where he is

today? Besides great parenting! ; )

Therapy? Social Skills training? Meds?

( ) Re: Ok !

The oldest of my sons with AS is finishing high school this year. He'll be 20

this summer. (Because I had him repeat a year of grade school to give him time

to mature for middle school, and then take a fifth year of high school to give

him time to mature for college.) He's earned an A+ certificate at the high

school tech school which qualifies him for something like working on the Geek

Squad. The school's special ed. director just called me this morning to say

they'll do educational testing so he can qualify for disability services at the

community college. (I was so sure the answer to that would be " no " that I almost

didn't ask.) He's been accepted to the community college where he's going to do

his first two years of college. The plan is to transfer him to an in-town 4-year

college to get an IT degree when he's done at the CC. His behavior is *much*

improved from when he was younger. The meltdowns are a thing of the past. He's

taking responsibility for chores around the household and doing a good job with

his personal hygiene.