Re: Re: Not owning-BAD DAY

[Guest guest]

Today was one of those days....

Taking my son to his therapist appointment, he is sitting there reading his book while she starts talking to me asking how things were going etc. So I say that we are still having issues with social skills and that the school is starting video modeling etc. Then my son jumps in with "I don't have problems with social skills. I can get along just fine with people. Stop treating me like I'm special. Like I'm special ed." The therapist starts to ask him questions and he answers he with one word answers like yes, no, maybe. etc.

Well, after the appointment walking to the car I tell my son that I didn't appreciate that he was rude at his appointment to the therapist. He asks, "how was I rude?". I explain it to him and he disagrees. BIG surprise!

When I try to explain it again he says I'm wrong and he didn't do anything wrong. So I tell him I am not going to discuss it with him anymore right now because I'm not in the mood to argue. He keeps saying things so I get angry and tell him to keep his mouth shut and that we would talk about it after I get home from work.

He says, "see, when I try to tell you I'm right you guys always tell me to shut up and don't let me talk. See you don't want to admit when you are wrong and take responsibility." WHAT? The only time we cut him off is when he is trying to argue his point with us and we, being the ADULTS know better and can't get him to see that he is wrong. So we end up saying, that's it, end of discussion!

SO frustrating. He just can't see that his opinion is not always the RIGHT opinion. If it doesn't coinside with what HIS reality is then it's wrong, or we're wrong! And he will literally argue to no end if you let him.

How do you teach social skills to someone who doesn't think there is anything wrong with how they act or treat others? How do you teach that their reality is not everyone's reality? I've tried several things and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere! AHHHHH!!ne> From: M CULP <marshaculp@...>> Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Not owning> Aspergers Treatment > Date: Monday, March 28, 2011, 3:52 PM> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Would seeing themselves on videotape doing

something> wrong help them understand that what they did was> wrong? My daughter denies responsibility for anything> and everything and at times I swear she actually> believes that she did nothing wrong. The other> day she threw a Wii remote at her sister and broke> a plexiglass panel out of a door. Sometimes I> wonder if when she is upset, she goes into another world and> afterwards creates her own version of reality when> confronted. > > > > > From: susanonderko@...> Date: Mon, 28 Mar 2011 19:44:15 +0000> Subject: ( ) Re: Not owning> > > > > > > They have to see there behavior as not acceptable as> needing to > be changed. They are often such ridgid thinkers they feel> so justified in their behaviors. > > And maybe they are not able to be more flexible so it is> hard> to admit there is something wrong with them. > > I do try to tell my daughter when she argues that she is> too> locked into an idea and too obsessed to take a break and > calm down, I hope it sinks in. > > There has to be more self awareness to move to the next> step of accepting responsibity and finding ways to control> themselves better. > > Pam > t, > she

still ebe > > > >> > Jd 15 he never takes responsibilty for his own actions> always wasn't him or he didn't do it . Can be so> fustrating grr I try not to sweat small stuff but with drama> all the time. Makes that hard thanks for listening. Been> rough nite> > Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile> >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

[Guest guest]

Oh My ne

I do not have the answer but I sure know just what you went thru as your son's words where just

like my son. Matter of fact his therapist has said my son has a un dying need to always be right

Theresa StoopsCoordinator OfFlorida F.A.S.D. Interagency Action Group 850-408-3789 God Bless All Military Families We All Hope On Your Safe Return Home.

[Guest guest]

Oh so true...so very very true...and I have the same exact situation with my student i am working with. Social skills training/teaching is very very difficult and I am in the midst of it while it is happening. Hopefully thru the years of working with my student, i can gets some issues somewhat solved....maybe not.

j

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: susanne hansen <s_hansen34@...> Sent: Wed, March 30, 2011 11:35:56 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Not owning-BAD DAY

Today was one of those days....

Taking my son to his therapist appointment, he is sitting there reading his book while she starts talking to me asking how things were going etc. So I say that we are still having issues with social skills and that the school is starting video modeling etc. Then my son jumps in with "I don't have problems with social skills. I can get along just fine with people. Stop treating me like I'm special. Like I'm special ed." The therapist starts to ask him questions and he answers he with one word answers like yes, no, maybe. etc.

Well, after the appointment walking to the car I tell my son that I didn't appreciate that he was rude at his appointment to the therapist. He asks, "how was I rude?". I explain it to him and he disagrees. BIG surprise!

When I try to explain it again he says I'm wrong and he didn't do anything wrong. So I tell him I am not going to discuss it with him anymore right now because I'm not in the mood to argue. He keeps saying things so I get angry and tell him to keep his mouth shut and that we would talk about it after I get home from work.

He says, "see, when I try to tell you I'm right you guys always tell me to shut up and don't let me talk. See you don't want to admit when you are wrong and take responsibility." WHAT? The only time we cut him off is when he is trying to argue his point with us and we, being the ADULTS know better and can't get him to see that he is wrong. So we end up saying, that's it, end of discussion!

SO frustrating. He just can't see that his opinion is not always the RIGHT opinion. If it doesn't coinside with what HIS reality is then it's wrong, or we're wrong! And he will literally argue to no end if you let him.

How do you teach social skills to someone who doesn't think there is anything wrong with how they act or treat others? How do you teach that their reality is not everyone's reality? I've tried several things and I feel like I'm not getting anywhere! AHHHHH!!ne> From: M CULP <marshaculp@...>> Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Not owning> Aspergers Treatment > Date: Monday, March 28, 2011, 3:52 PM> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Would seeing themselves on videotape doing something> wrong help them understand that what they did was> wrong? My daughter denies responsibility for anything> and

everything and at times I swear she actually> believes that she did nothing wrong. The other> day she threw a Wii remote at her sister and broke> a plexiglass panel out of a door. Sometimes I> wonder if when she is upset, she goes into another world and> afterwards creates her own version of reality when> confronted. > > > > > From: susanonderko@...> Date: Mon, 28 Mar 2011 19:44:15 +0000> Subject: ( ) Re: Not owning> > > > > > > They have to see there behavior as not acceptable

as> needing to > be changed. They are often such ridgid thinkers they feel> so justified in their behaviors. > > And maybe they are not able to be more flexible so it is> hard> to admit there is something wrong with them. > > I do try to tell my daughter when she argues that she is> too> locked into an idea and too obsessed to take a break and > calm down, I hope it sinks in. > > There has to be more self awareness to move to the next> step of accepting responsibity and finding ways to control> themselves better. > > Pam > t, > she still ebe > > > >> > Jd 15 he never takes responsibilty for

his own actions> always wasn't him or he didn't do it . Can be so> fustrating grr I try not to sweat small stuff but with drama> all the time. Makes that hard thanks for listening. Been> rough nite> > Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile> >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

[Guest guest]

Sweet Jesus, ne............I'm laughing simply because I feel ya!!!!

I had a talk with Ian's lady he see's once in a while. He tells her that he doesn't need the "training". That, when he's out in the world, he talks and can carry on conversations. And........ya know what? He can.

He tells her that he's happy with himself and says to her that he is sad for her because she oviously doesn't have good self esteem. sigh.

Part of me (a big part) agrees with him.

But.........an odd part of life is that you HAVE to learn to talk and hang with people even if you don't like the situation or them. he he.

Sigh.......................

Robin> From: M CULP <marshaculp@...>> Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Not owning> Aspergers Treatment > Date: Monday, March 28, 2011, 3:52 PM> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Would seeing themselves on videotape doing something> wrong help them understand that what they did was> wrong? My daughter denies responsibility for anything> and

everything and at times I swear she actually> believes that she did nothing wrong. The other> day she threw a Wii remote at her sister and broke> a plexiglass panel out of a door. Sometimes I> wonder if when she is upset, she goes into another world and> afterwards creates her own version of reality when> confronted. > > > > > From: susanonderko@...> Date: Mon, 28 Mar 2011 19:44:15 +0000> Subject: ( ) Re: Not owning> > > > > > > They have to see there behavior as not acceptable

as> needing to > be changed. They are often such ridgid thinkers they feel> so justified in their behaviors. > > And maybe they are not able to be more flexible so it is> hard> to admit there is something wrong with them. > > I do try to tell my daughter when she argues that she is> too> locked into an idea and too obsessed to take a break and > calm down, I hope it sinks in. > > There has to be more self awareness to move to the next> step of accepting responsibity and finding ways to control> themselves better. > > Pam > t, > she still ebe > > > >> > Jd 15 he never takes responsibilty for

his own actions> always wasn't him or he didn't do it . Can be so> fustrating grr I try not to sweat small stuff but with drama> all the time. Makes that hard thanks for listening. Been> rough nite> > Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile> >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

[Guest guest]

your son sounds like jd they have own altered version what is happening jd was like that when we took him to family therapy on wednesday i guess it's because there rigid thinkers> From: M CULP <marshaculp@...>> Subject: RE: ( ) Re: Not owning> Aspergers Treatment > Date: Monday, March 28, 2011, 3:52 PM> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Would seeing themselves on videotape doing

something> wrong help them understand that what they did was> wrong? My daughter denies responsibility for anything> and everything and at times I swear she actually> believes that she did nothing wrong. The other> day she threw a Wii remote at her sister and broke> a plexiglass panel out of a door. Sometimes I> wonder if when she is upset, she goes into another world and> afterwards creates her own version of reality when> confronted. > > > > > From: susanonderko@...> Date: Mon, 28 Mar 2011 19:44:15 +0000> Subject:

( ) Re: Not owning> > > > > > > They have to see there behavior as not acceptable as> needing to > be changed. They are often such ridgid thinkers they feel> so justified in their behaviors. > > And maybe they are not able to be more flexible so it is> hard> to admit there is something wrong with them. > > I do try to tell my daughter when she argues that she is> too> locked into an idea and too obsessed to take a break and > calm down, I hope it sinks in. > > There has to be more self awareness to move to the next> step of accepting responsibity and finding ways to control> themselves better. > > Pam > t, > she

still ebe > > > >> > Jd 15 he never takes responsibilty for his own actions> always wasn't him or he didn't do it . Can be so> fustrating grr I try not to sweat small stuff but with drama> all the time. Makes that hard thanks for listening. Been> rough nite> > Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile> >> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >