Re: How do you play with your kids?

[Guest guest]

The best time to talk and interact with my 13 year old is in the car or when we are working on one if our 500 piece puzzles.Sent from my iPhoneOn Mar 19, 2010, at 10:31 AM, "Pamela" <susanonderko@...> wrote:

How do you get your child to be more interactive with you?

My daughter is 12. I have been very focused on managing her

behavior and improving her school situation. The last year

in particular we had her anxiety treated and her school

changed.

Now I want her to be more interactive with me so she can

evenually socialize with peers.

She doesn't want to play board games. And she is very withdrawn

doing crafts. She loves animals but all she wants to do is

hold them. She spends too much time in front of the computer.

She will talk to me a little at dinner mostly about getting

more of a collection.

Have you done anything systematically that you have seen brings

about a change?

thanks for any ideas.

Pam

[Guest guest]

The first thing that comes to my mind is to use her interests. Looking at and

talking about her collection is interacting. My daughter seems to really resist

board games too. Right now it's all about the plastic bugs and dinosaurs. But at

least the dinosaurs are hugging and we're talking about why they're hugging and

I play the the King and Queen from her toy castle and they react with various

emotions and sometimes change the plot...

Sometimes it can be excruciatingly BORING. I tell her that playing something

over and over again can make someone not like to play it anymore and that we can

play other things and then play with the dinosaurs later. She doesn't like

hearing that...

Jen

[Guest guest]

I know what you mean about playing the same thing can be boring.

In public sometimes my daughter will be very talkative with adults

and not stop talking. I am not sure how to address this.

She may vary the subject which is good, she is entertaining

in that she is so excited but it is too one sided and

kids normally don't carry on conversations with adults this

long. And the bottom line is she doesn't have friends.

Any ideas?

Pam

>

> The first thing that comes to my mind is to use her interests. Looking at and

talking about her collection is interacting. My daughter seems to really resist

board games too. Right now it's all about the plastic bugs and dinosaurs. But at

least the dinosaurs are hugging and we're talking about why they're hugging and

I play the the King and Queen from her toy castle and they react with various

emotions and sometimes change the plot...

>

> Sometimes it can be excruciatingly BORING. I tell her that playing something

over and over again can make someone not like to play it anymore and that we can

play other things and then play with the dinosaurs later. She doesn't like

hearing that...

>

> Jen

>

[Guest guest]

My son has been having long conversations with adults since he was little, too. Well, I say "conversation" but it's more a one-sided thing. He's 13 now and there is more back and forth now that he's older, but when he was younger, it was him talking at people. I wouldn't necessarily prevent him from doing this, but I'd join in the conversation and help steer it if possible. Sometimes I'd throw in a "Dylan loves to talk about trains!" or something to acknowledge that he's talking a lot but I'd really take the lead of the adult. Oftentimes, it seemed like I was more conscious/embarrassed about it than anything. I would say the majority of the adults he'd talk to were amused by it or at least, understanding. And Dylan is so smart, that sometimes, he'd tell the adult something they didn't know and the adult would be impressed. So I'd suggest you take the lead of the adult. If they don't look

interested, shut the conversation now and move your child away. If the adult looks engaged, let your child talk for awhile. You assess the adults social cues and cut it off if/when it's necessary.

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: Pamela <susanonderko@...> Sent: Sat, March 20, 2010 6:19:48 AMSubject: ( ) Re: How do you play with your kids?

I know what you mean about playing the same thing can be boring.In public sometimes my daughter will be very talkative with adultsand not stop talking. I am not sure how to address this.She may vary the subject which is good, she is entertainingin that she is so excited but it is too one sided and kids normally don't carry on conversations with adults thislong. And the bottom line is she doesn't have friends.Any ideas?Pam >> The first thing that comes to my mind is to use her interests. Looking at and talking about her collection is interacting. My daughter seems to really resist board games too. Right now it's all about the plastic bugs and dinosaurs. But at least the

dinosaurs are hugging and we're talking about why they're hugging and I play the the King and Queen from her toy castle and they react with various emotions and sometimes change the plot...> > Sometimes it can be excruciatingly BORING. I tell her that playing something over and over again can make someone not like to play it anymore and that we can play other things and then play with the dinosaurs later. She doesn't like hearing that...> > Jen>

[Guest guest]

OH yes, we've BTDT, too! In fact, most people were impressed by how socially

adept our very young kids were w/adults, and by how knowledgeable they were.

Huh. Isn't it odd what our society values, and what it does NOT?

My son Will (almost 15) has always been the Little Professor type. He does tend

to go on and on, more so as he gets older, so we are working on getting him to

slow down, or to pause and assess if the other party is interested or not. My

oldest son just gave up -- he was rebuffed so much -- his self esteem is wrecked

right now. He feels like he's " weird " and that he will NEVER fit in. Yes, we

are starting him w/a new therapist after a 2 year break (he refused to go). :/

I am hopeful he will feel better about himself soon.

People have really loved my very quirky kids -- but they have always had

difficulty w/their peers. They do well w/bookish people (Aspies??!?!) -- they

all do classical music (piano, once did cello/strings), and one is a

vocalist....They also love theater. Theater can be a GREAT outlet, if you have a

kid who wants an audience!!!!!!!! My oldest son is an amazing actor -- can

do voices and accents like none other. We are hopeful he can work this into a

career....

JoAnn

>

> My son has been having long conversations with adults since he was little,

too.  Well, I say " conversation " but it's more a one-sided thing.  He's 13 now

and there is more back and forth now that he's older, but when he was younger,

it was him talking at people.  I wouldn't necessarily prevent him from doing

this, but I'd join in the conversation and help steer it if possible. 

Sometimes I'd throw in a " Dylan loves to talk about trains! "

[Guest guest]

Hi pam-

My daughter used to do this very thing. We developed a

cue or subtle sign that I would give her to let her know when she was rambling—I

believe it was a tap on the arm—which meant she was to finish her

sentence. She is better now and sometimes she will catch herself and say,

oh I am talking too long. But there are times when she will still ramble.

Someone on this group referred to a conversational teaching exercise called

volleyball or something like that, where you pass a ball back and forth and

whoever is holding the ball gets to talk. I am sure there was a time

limit employed too.

This reminds me of a very long dinner I hosted some time

ago. Which included my mother in law (definitely on the spectrum) and my

daughter’s god father who isn’t on the spectrum but never stops

talking . watching these two compete for talk time started out funny—but

into the second hour of the talking duel I had to fight to stay awake. The

last bit of the conversation the two of them were talking over each other and

not even about the same topic. My aspie husband had long since left the

table so I excused myself to find him. He was in the bathroom and claims

to have fallen asleep on the toilet. I have successfully avoided having

these two over at the same time since.

melody

[Guest guest]

OMGoodness! I can just picture this....My MIL is definitely on the spectrum as

well, and is soooooooooo difficult. She's 83 years old, and as stubborn as can

be! It's interesting what you discover the more you delve into this, isn't it?!

JoAnn

>

> This reminds me of a very long dinner I hosted some time ago. Which

> included my mother in law (definitely on the spectrum) and my daughter's god

> father who isn't on the spectrum but never stops talking .

My aspie husband had long since left the table so I excused

> myself to find him. He was in the bathroom and claims to have fallen asleep

> on the toilet. I have successfully avoided having these two over at the

> same time since.

>

[Guest guest]

I think having a sort of cue between you and your child can help. Explaining

that they are so smart and talking to people is wonderful but there are times

when we need to stop talking or some people don't like to talk a lot. I don't

want to make it some kind of problem with HER per se.

I totally know what you mean about being embarrassed although my daughter is

only five and everyone (including me of course) thinks she's absolutely adorable

but after a couple of minutes they start to get uncomfortable and I have to

interrupt...

Jen

>

> My son has been having long conversations with adults since he was little,

too.  Well, I say " conversation " but it's more a one-sided thing.  He's 13 now

and there is more back and forth now that he's older, but when he was younger,

it was him talking at people.  I wouldn't necessarily prevent him from doing

this, but I'd join in the conversation and help steer it if possible. 

Sometimes I'd throw in a " Dylan loves to talk about trains! " or something to

acknowledge that he's talking a lot but I'd really take the lead of the adult. 

Oftentimes, it seemed like I was more conscious/embarrassed about it than

anything.  I would say the majority of the adults he'd talk to were amused by

it or at least, understanding. And Dylan is so smart, that sometimes, he'd tell

the adult something they didn't know and the adult would be impressed.  So I'd

suggest you take the lead of the adult.  If they don't look interested, shut

the conversation now and move

> your child away.  If the adult looks engaged, let your child talk for

awhile.  You assess the adults social cues and cut it off if/when it's

necessary. 

>  

>

>

> " Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one

out. "

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Meolody, thanks so much for that advice and sharing the story.

You really made me laugh. I needed that. I get so serious about

all of this.

Pam

>

> Hi pam-

>

> My daughter used to do this very thing. We developed a cue or subtle sign

> that I would give her to let her know when she was rambling-I believe it was

> a tap on the arm-which meant she was to finish her sentence. She is better

> now and sometimes she will catch herself and say, oh I am talking too long.

> But there are times when she will still ramble. Someone on this group

> referred to a conversational teaching exercise called volleyball or

> something like that, where you pass a ball back and forth and whoever is

> holding the ball gets to talk. I am sure there was a time limit employed

> too.

>

>

>

> This reminds me of a very long dinner I hosted some time ago. Which

> included my mother in law (definitely on the spectrum) and my daughter's god

> father who isn't on the spectrum but never stops talking . watching these

> two compete for talk time started out funny-but into the second hour of the

> talking duel I had to fight to stay awake. The last bit of the

> conversation the two of them were talking over each other and not even about

> the same topic. My aspie husband had long since left the table so I excused

> myself to find him. He was in the bathroom and claims to have fallen asleep

> on the toilet. I have successfully avoided having these two over at the

> same time since.

>

>

>

> melody

>

[Guest guest]

You make such a good point. The mom was very amused

by my daughter. That was not a problem last night as

much as I was thinking it was.

But I should role play with my daughter

asking peers some questions and talking to them. She will

resist because she says she is shy. But with my daughter it is about practice.

thanks for helping me think this out.

Pam

> >

> > The first thing that comes to my mind is to use her interests. Looking at

and talking about her collection is interacting. My daughter seems to really

resist board games too. Right now it's all about the plastic bugs and dinosaurs.

But at least the dinosaurs are hugging and we're talking about why they're

hugging and I play the the King and Queen from her toy castle and they react

with various emotions and sometimes change the plot...

> >

> > Sometimes it can be excruciatingly BORING. I tell her that playing something

over and over again can make someone not like to play it anymore and that we can

play other things and then play with the dinosaurs later. She doesn't like

hearing that...

> >

> > Jen

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes It is! It is like someone gave me special glasses thru which

I can suddenly recognize all these behaviors.

Regards, melody