Re: Re: Getting ready for 7th grade....(Roxanna) 7th grade disaster

[Guest guest]

Kathy

I am new here and new to the diagnosis do ASD but not new to these kinds of problems. My daughter has struggled and is school for years, fails all state tests and has never brought home a passing paper but yet she has a great report card and is passed each year....what the heck are they seeing? They are seeing how to get this problem child out of their hair and on to next year....they schools like their numbers to look good so they pad the grades and pass the kid.

Have you looked into online school? Indiana just started one last year and Ohio has had one for years...and if backward Indiana has one then I am sure that your state does and children with a 504 or an IEP get preferential admission....worth looking into.

I am sorry that your partner or therapist isn't supportive but they aren't the one struggling with him. My husband was against home schooling because he felt that she needed socialization but yet she wasn't succeeding socially, in fact she was failing miserably and it was adding to her anxiety and ruining what little self esteem she had left.

I say look into online school that is free from the state...YOU are your child's voice not your therapists (and I have a whole lot to say about them too!)

Vicki

-- ( ) Re: Getting ready for 7th grade....(Roxanna) 7th grade disaster

Roxanna,

Thanks for your reply. I feel like I have no one to talk to about this any more......................

I tried over and over again to work out transportation so my son could go to the school he wanted; the school of choice. By the last week of summer break, they had become so unworkable and just plain mean about the issue, that I had to remove him from the school. Then I had two choices. I could homeschool, which I had been doing all summer and keep him at home. Or move him to the new school in our district so we could get bussing. I wanted homeschooling. My own partner went against me, and his therapist went against me on it, and I was ridiculed by a teacher from his old school! So, with no family support, I put him in the public school, the new school. We went in ahead of time, met the teachers, walked thru the halls and found his classes, got him a special locker he could open, etc.

4 days into school it is a disaster! He's supposed to have help getting to his classes, and I received a note from one of the sp ed teachers saying how great he's doing...................... but they don't even see what I see. He is coming home with blank papers every day because he can't keep up with the work, and won't ask for help! I have had to sit and go thru the papers with him, line by line, to get it done. He's not making a single friend. He is falling behind! And I can't believe I received a note saying how great he's adjusted!

Last night he told me how much he hates himself and can't even look in the mirror. How he hates being different. How he hates school.

I wrote some ideas for him on how to ask for help during class, and sort of gave him an assignment to try it out. We'll see if he tried it.

I'm so worried, frustrated, angry at my family, and just depressed. I sleep all day. I have started anti depressants which aren't helping.

I just don't know what's next for us.

Not such a great update, huh?

Kathy

[Guest guest]

Kathy,

I am sure sorry to hear things have gotten worse. First, with anti-depressants, you need to sometimes be on them for several weeks (sometimes a month to 6 weeks, before you see improvement. So stick with them as prescribed and hang in there. If you aren't sure, ask your pharmacist or doctor how long you should wait to see results or to increase dosage. But it takes time.

Not sure why the partner's therapist got a say in this? Why do they ridicule you for wanting to homeschool? Most of the time, they just repeat the tired phrases and misconceptions people have about homeschooling. I know I didn't know a lot about homeschooling until I had to pull my ds out. Well, we e-school, but it's homeschooling since he requires a lot of 1-1 and that's me. Have you had a chance to look into e-schooling? In that case, he would have teachers online who set up lessons and have classes. You would still be teaching and supporting him as well.

But back to the ridiculing people - I have found it easier to make them prove their right than trying to argue with them. So next time, ask them to prove their statements are true. People always say things like, "If you homeschool, they won't have friends" which isn't true so you could say, "Where did you hear something like that?" One "friend" here found out I was going to e-school and asked me if I was sure I could handle it because my ds is gifted. Aside from the obvious insult - I'm too stupid to keep up with him, lol - she had no clue what she was talking about and was just turned off of the whole idea of homeschooling kids. You could tell by the way she asked questions and kind of had that "put down" tone to her voice. I just ignored people who didn't get it. That is sometimes harder to do if it's your partner/spouse, family, etc. And I think it's really "rich" of the teacher to badmouth your decision to homeschool. I mean, did she even help secure transportation so he could stay at his school of choice? grrr.

But you need to think what you can handle and go with your gut. Mom's know!

Sounds like the new school situation is a disaster. Do not wait another day to call for an IEP meeting and to discuss his needs and how they will be met. That is what should be on the IEP! If he needs someone to help him get to his classes, then find out who is going to be doing that so you can follow up in a week to see if it's working. Don't just let them write down a list of accommodations without knowing how this is going to be implemented. You have to say, "How will that be done? Who is going to check on that and how often?" Find out who to contact, get their email addy or phone number. Don't give up on the staff just yet until you let them know what isn't working and see if they rise to the challenge and make it work.

Also, write a follow up letter!! Let them know you got a note saying how great he is doing but that is not true! Then list the areas he needs support and isn't getting it and list how they have agreed to fix these problems. Specify who said they will do what so you have it documented.

As for asking for help in class, this is not an uncommon problem for some of these kids!! My now 21 yo ds (hfa) was exactly that way all through school. He didn't turn his work in, he didn't ask questions. If he was lost, he was lost and that was that. It was not until he hit late jr. high that he started paying attention to what the kids were doing around him. He had a really good sped teacher who helped him a lot (and a 1-1 aide as well by then) who would prompt him to look at what the other kids are doing when he was missing something important like handing in homework. In that way, he started to learn. But he never did ask questions or admit he needed help. In fact, it is still a major problem he has to this day with college work. He won't even ask me to help him at home. So we never solved that one. lol. But in school when he had an IEP, he had an aide or sped teacher who had to help him remember to turn in all his work and also make sure he was doing his work. They could not just send it all home in a heap for me to wade through (something that sometimes would happen!)

It's very tough to navigate everything. don't be too hard on yourself. You probably could have argued for the transportation but you would have had to start right away last spring, probably. It always takes time for some of this stuff. Do you have an advocate? You need to try to get an advocate who can help you at these meetings. It is hard enough to deal with these things without having support from someone. An advocate can really help you. What state are you in?

Roxanna

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

( ) Re: Getting ready for 7th grade....(Roxanna) 7th grade disaster

Roxanna,

Thanks for your reply. I feel like I have no one to talk to about this any more......................

I tried over and over again to work out transportation so my son could go to the school he wanted; the school of choice. By the last week of summer break, they had become so unworkable and just plain mean about the issue, that I had to remove him from the school. Then I had two choices. I could homeschool, which I had been doing all summer and keep him at home. Or move him to the new school in our district so we could get bussing. I wanted homeschooling. My own partner went against me, and his therapist went against me on it, and I was ridiculed by a teacher from his old school! So, with no family support, I put him in the public school, the new school. We went in ahead of time, met the teachers, walked thru the halls and found his classes, got him a special locker he could open, etc.

4 days into school it is a disaster! He's supposed to have help getting to his classes, and I received a note from one of the sp ed teachers saying how great he's doing...................... but they don't even see what I see. He is coming home with blank papers every day because he can't keep up with the work, and won't ask for help! I have had to sit and go thru the papers with him, line by line, to get it done. He's not making a single friend. He is falling behind! And I can't believe I received a note saying how great he's adjusted!

Last night he told me how much he hates himself and can't even look in the mirror. How he hates being different. How he hates school.

I wrote some ideas for him on how to ask for help during class, and sort of gave him an assignment to try it out. We'll see if he tried it.

I'm so worried, frustrated, angry at my family, and just depressed. I sleep all day. I have started anti depressants which aren't helping.

I just don't know what's next for us.

Not such a great update, huh?

Kathy