RE: Re: A different point of view and ADAM movie!

[Guest guest]

WOW, this is quite a chain of IDEA! BEEN THERE---we quit after 10,000 dollars, moved, and nothing has improved. Our eldest Aspies lost it, and has had to gone to a residential treatment facility as he couldn't safely live at home anymore (short version, it was via 3-4 other places including hospital and mental hospital first!). Now, they are sending him to foster care before he can come home, and he is 16. Since age 8, he's needed an IEP, and with all the treatments, behaviors, issues, TYPE I diabetes AND 10 other diagnosis including ASPIES and lots of meds, he still DOES NOT HAVE AN IEP NOR A 504! Even the lawyer we did pay over $10,000 to to help couldn't believe it, and had never had a case like our's (usually the school just 'gave in and did what was needed'---he is federally experienced and won at least one case in Federal Court in D.C.---so, he knew his stuff!). It's bigger than THAT and GOD frankly. Our son continues to have all the same school issues and it really isn't fair as he is wickedly smart, so very frustrating. So, we can relate to all of you. We have requested to have an IEP for our 8 year old Aspies once this school year, about four times last year, and we know it is AGAINST THE LAW, but he's never even been tested! So, it's something else. THANK GOD we have two N.T.'s! I tell ya, it can be frustrating. And, did I add, my husband and I are insane, have been required to have psyche evals about every five years now during this process? It is NUTS; ADVOCACY has gotten us all kinds of labels but our psyche evals say my husband is about 3 seconds shy of amazing (best psyche eval our eldest son's lawyer has ever seen in her life according to her!) and mine says I have ADHD (which we knew and I am medicated for)-------------and we still have all our rights to all four boys and only have the one in the system due to our fight, so we know! IT IS NUTS, CRAZY, and something HAS to change for these children, their families, and our RIGHTS. IT IS JUST NOT OKAY!

On the up-side: ADAM (the movie) was about 200 miles away in theaters (closest it got) so we rented it and watched it last night: AMAZING: Our 8 year old said it kind of portrays him, especially the hug part (he has no clue you would want a hug and never crosses his mind you might---nearly his exact words!). I ordered it from and Noble (we are members so it is like $12.87 or something like that with free shipping) but backordered---I could not wait so we rented it and we will just share it with family to give them a glimpse in to our lives! The 'temper tantrum' even at 29 (Adam's character in the movie) is about right and a daily thing at our home; hope it really helps others to see our home and life a whole lot differently.

It DOES make me (along with my husband per his comments) realize how AMAZING we, as parents, really are!!!! It IS hard, but has soooo many more rewards. What we would not give for one day of sanity without advocacy but then, we would probably just be bored to tears!!!!

Happy Valentine's Day, and love the ones with you!

Ruthie and Dolezal

Parents of 4 sons ages 16, 8, 7, and 8 months (16 and 8 have Aspergers and others; other two are N.T.)

n, Iowa

From: jrisjs@...Date: Fri, 12 Feb 2010 14:41:59 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Re: A different point of view. - Robin

Wow, Rose,

I had no idea you could do that with those schools. I thought they were all or nothing.

We did K12 and were very satisfied.It's great to have choices, isn't it???? Thank God for them.

Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

From: mimasdprofile <callis4773 (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: A different point of view. Date: Thursday, February 11, 2010, 12:28 PM

The hardest thing about being in a place that doesn't follow the laws is that you watch your child lose ground, deteriorate. They are already behind their peers, already at risk for depression and aggression and difficult behavior, they already have to work harder just to cope with their day, then to have a school that won't do what is needed is so detrimental. I watched my son go from being a happy, well-adjusted, slightly odd, easily frustrated, boy to being angry, depressed, frightened, scary aggressive wild thing. Then when he got back into a school that knew what to do his behavior went 180 degrees and he won awards for art work, wrote poetry, formed long lasting friendships, became attached to his teachers, call his sister his best friend, won an award for good citizenship and became a valued member of his school's community. He can be an asset if people know how to work with him or he can be a drain. It's in their best interests to do the right things with him but at one school in Texas nobody saw it. He was "the bad kid". He didn't do any academic work.It was horrible. I was depressed, confused, anxious. My marriage was suffering. My daughter was suffering. I did my job. As every other school, every other professional, counselor, developmental pediatrician, educator who has worked with would tell you. Only one school tried to BLAME me for 's difficulties.Miriam> >> > I would like to share some thoughts that I have had over the last week or so after reading the posts. I know that there is a lot of frustration toward schools and teachers and I just wanted to provide a different point of view for concideration. This is not meant to upset anyone who is having problems with their child.> > > > When my son started having trouble and getting diagnosed I was completely ignorant to most special needs issues. I will admit that I thought ADHD was an excuse for parents not knowing how to parent. I was a complete snob about it and thought that they were all a bunch of kids that needed a little discipline. Well then my son was diagnosed ADHD and I had to shift my perspective. I had to learn, very quickly what ADHD was really all about. As it turned out my son was not really ADHD it was a symptom of his AS (which is not uncommon for the diagnosis to get tweeked as they get older.)> > > > So I had years to learn first about ADHD and later about PDD's and AS with the help of many different specialists. The Psychologists, Psychiatrist and Neuropsycological testing all helped me to understand why my son does what he does and learn techniques for dealing with them.> > > > I don't understand why as a group of parent that have gone to hell and back again trying to learn about our own children and their disability we are so uncompasionate toward others who don't understand. We come together as parents every day/week to ask each other for help yet we expect the teachers and schools to immediately know what to do. Even if the teachers have had some experience with Autism, Aspergers, PDD, ADHD, ODD or OCD they have never dealt with a child that is just like mine. Because they are all different. That is the nature of how AS affects them.> > > > Furthermore, if you have ever taken time to really talk to any of teachers and administrators you will find that often times they are dealing with a lot of other children and parents beside just YOUR child. Many time they are dealing with parents who refuse to see their child as having any problem at all and just expect the school to handle it.> > > > Then they have the laws to deal with. The school can't just decide to treat your child different because they see a need. Have you ever sat down and read the Federal or State laws or the school district policy. It is just like running a business everything must be documented and all children must be held to the same rules unless they have been placed into and IEP or Accomodation plan. If they don't dot the i's and cross the t's they can get sued. > > > > Of course the schools must also look at the money part. But, if your child is in special ed they get extra money for that. If you have not done your part to get them in special ed than it is going to cost the district money to provide services and they are not likely to agree. They don't do this because they want to keep the money for themselves. There is a limited pool of money that they have to work with and the aren't going to get more by going out to the "stash" in the back.> > > > I believe that there are some very BAD teachers and school districts out there. But there are also some very good ones (I happen to be in one of them). Most are somewhere in between. I believe that most teachers have a good heart and want to help children but they are also just people who make mistakes. Not all of my childrens teachers have been great some have not even been very good. I just try to really help them to learn from my son so they will be better with the next child that comes along with a disability. > > > > I know that this sounds preachy and some of you will be angry after reading it but I really felt compelled to write. If even one person can stop and put yourself in someone elses shoes for a minute maybe we can make progress toward having better schools for every child.> > > > I believe in doing my part of my sons education which is making sure that my son is diagnosed and treated properly. I do this by working with the doctors. I work hard to educate the school district as to my sons disablity and how it affects his education. And I hold the school accountable to follow the law. The law is really on our side if we do our part.> > > > I hope I have not upset anyone to much.> > > > Vickie> >>

[Guest guest]

Ruthie...

I sit here in shock...is it your state that doesn't recognize his Asperger's as a disability? I don't understand how if you have written a letter requesting he be tested that the school has not tested him. I know in our school district, there is a specific time limit....they must test before the time is up. I thought this was a federal law....

I wish you could move to PA...our schools may not be the best of best...but I must say...they are following the law! And, if by chance, something falls thru the loop or is overlooked....I only need to say the word...by learning the law ...I find that they can not pull the wool over my eyes.

So sorry to hear all your problems. I got the movie too. Love it. It had a nice ending ...not what I thought would happen...but still nice. And, yes, there are parts in it that remind me of my son and husband (like not knowing she wanted a hug).

Go to wrightslaw ...and check and read...

Jan

<font face="arial black" color="#bf00bf">Janice Rushen</font>

<font face="Arial Black" color="#bf00bf"></font> & nbsp;

<em><font face="Arial Black" color="#7f007f">"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"</font></em>

From: Ruthie and Dolezal <DOLEZAL123@...> <Aspergers Treatment >Sent: Sun, February 14, 2010 10:32:11 AMSubject: RE: ( ) Re: A different point of view and ADAM movie!

WOW, this is quite a chain of IDEA! BEEN THERE---we quit after 10,000 dollars, moved, and nothing has improved. Our eldest Aspies lost it, and has had to gone to a residential treatment facility as he couldn't safely live at home anymore (short version, it was via 3-4 other places including hospital and mental hospital first!). Now, they are sending him to foster care before he can come home, and he is 16. Since age 8, he's needed an IEP, and with all the treatments, behaviors, issues, TYPE I diabetes AND 10 other diagnosis including ASPIES and lots of meds, he still DOES NOT HAVE AN IEP NOR A 504! Even the lawyer we did pay over $10,000 to to help couldn't believe it, and had never had a case like our's (usually the school just 'gave in and did what was needed'---he is federally experienced and won at least one case in Federal Court in D.C.---so, he knew his stuff!). It's

bigger than THAT and GOD frankly. Our son continues to have all the same school issues and it really isn't fair as he is wickedly smart, so very frustrating. So, we can relate to all of you. We have requested to have an IEP for our 8 year old Aspies once this school year, about four times last year, and we know it is AGAINST THE LAW, but he's never even been tested! So, it's something else. THANK GOD we have two N.T.'s! I tell ya, it can be frustrating. And, did I add, my husband and I are insane, have been required to have psyche evals about every five years now during this process? It is NUTS; ADVOCACY has gotten us all kinds of labels but our psyche evals say my husband is about 3 seconds shy of amazing (best psyche eval our eldest son's lawyer has ever seen in her life according to her!) and mine says I have ADHD (which we knew and I am medicated for)-------- -----and we

still have all our rights to all four boys and only have the one in the system due to our fight, so we know! IT IS NUTS, CRAZY, and something HAS to change for these children, their families, and our RIGHTS. IT IS JUST NOT OKAY! On the up-side: ADAM (the movie) was about 200 miles away in theaters (closest it got) so we rented it and watched it last night: AMAZING: Our 8 year old said it kind of portrays him, especially the hug part (he has no clue you would want a hug and never crosses his mind you might---nearly his exact words!). I ordered it from and Noble (we are members so it is like $12.87 or something like that with free shipping) but backordered- --I could not wait so we rented it and we will just share it with family to give them a glimpse in to our lives! The 'temper tantrum' even at 29 (Adam's character in the movie) is about right and a daily thing at our

home; hope it really helps others to see our home and life a whole lot differently. It DOES make me (along with my husband per his comments) realize how AMAZING we, as parents, really are!!!! It IS hard, but has soooo many more rewards. What we would not give for one day of sanity without advocacy but then, we would probably just be bored to tears!!!! Happy Valentine's Day, and love the ones with you! Ruthie and DolezalParents of 4 sons ages 16, 8, 7, and 8 months (16 and 8 have Aspergers and others; other two are N.T.)n, Iowa

From: jrisjs (DOT) comDate: Fri, 12 Feb 2010 14:41:59 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Re: A different point of view. - Robin

Wow, Rose,

I had no idea you could do that with those schools. I thought they were all or nothing.

We did K12 and were very satisfied.It's great to have choices, isn't it???? Thank God for them.

Good luck!!!!!!!! !!!!!

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

From: mimasdprofile <callis4773 (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: A different point of view. Date: Thursday, February 11, 2010, 12:28 PM

The hardest thing about being in a place that doesn't follow the laws is that you watch your child lose ground, deteriorate. They are already behind their peers, already at risk for depression and aggression and difficult behavior, they already have to work harder just to cope with their day, then to have a school that won't do what is needed is so detrimental. I watched my son go from being a happy, well-adjusted, slightly odd, easily frustrated, boy to being angry, depressed, frightened, scary aggressive wild thing. Then when he got back into a school that knew what to do his behavior went 180 degrees and he won awards for art work, wrote poetry, formed long lasting friendships, became attached to his teachers, call his sister his best friend, won an award for good citizenship and became a valued member of his school's community. He can be an asset if people know how to work with him or he can be a drain. It's in their best interests to do the

right things with him but at one school in Texas nobody saw it. He was "the bad kid". He didn't do any academic work.It was horrible. I was depressed, confused, anxious. My marriage was suffering. My daughter was suffering. I did my job. As every other school, every other professional, counselor, developmental pediatrician, educator who has worked with would tell you. Only one school tried to BLAME me for 's difficulties.Miriam> >> > I would like to share some thoughts that I have had over the last week or so after reading the posts. I know that there is a lot of frustration toward schools and teachers and I just wanted to provide a different point of view for concideration. This is not meant to upset anyone who is having problems

with their child.> > > > When my son started having trouble and getting diagnosed I was completely ignorant to most special needs issues. I will admit that I thought ADHD was an excuse for parents not knowing how to parent. I was a complete snob about it and thought that they were all a bunch of kids that needed a little discipline. Well then my son was diagnosed ADHD and I had to shift my perspective. I had to learn, very quickly what ADHD was really all about. As it turned out my son was not really ADHD it was a symptom of his AS (which is not uncommon for the diagnosis to get tweeked as they get older.)> > > > So I had years to learn first about ADHD and later about PDD's and AS with the help of many different specialists. The Psychologists, Psychiatrist and Neuropsycological testing all helped me to understand why my son does what he does and learn techniques for dealing with them.> > > > I

don't understand why as a group of parent that have gone to hell and back again trying to learn about our own children and their disability we are so uncompasionate toward others who don't understand. We come together as parents every day/week to ask each other for help yet we expect the teachers and schools to immediately know what to do. Even if the teachers have had some experience with Autism, Aspergers, PDD, ADHD, ODD or OCD they have never dealt with a child that is just like mine. Because they are all different. That is the nature of how AS affects them.> > > > Furthermore, if you have ever taken time to really talk to any of teachers and administrators you will find that often times they are dealing with a lot of other children and parents beside just YOUR child. Many time they are dealing with parents who refuse to see their child as having any problem at all and just expect the school to handle it.> > >

> Then they have the laws to deal with. The school can't just decide to treat your child different because they see a need. Have you ever sat down and read the Federal or State laws or the school district policy. It is just like running a business everything must be documented and all children must be held to the same rules unless they have been placed into and IEP or Accomodation plan. If they don't dot the i's and cross the t's they can get sued. > > > > Of course the schools must also look at the money part. But, if your child is in special ed they get extra money for that. If you have not done your part to get them in special ed than it is going to cost the district money to provide services and they are not likely to agree. They don't do this because they want to keep the money for themselves. There is a limited pool of money that they have to work with and the aren't going to get more by going out to the "stash" in the

back.> > > > I believe that there are some very BAD teachers and school districts out there. But there are also some very good ones (I happen to be in one of them). Most are somewhere in between. I believe that most teachers have a good heart and want to help children but they are also just people who make mistakes. Not all of my childrens teachers have been great some have not even been very good. I just try to really help them to learn from my son so they will be better with the next child that comes along with a disability. > > > > I know that this sounds preachy and some of you will be angry after reading it but I really felt compelled to write. If even one person can stop and put yourself in someone elses shoes for a minute maybe we can make progress toward having better schools for every child.> > > > I believe in doing my part of my sons education which is making sure that my son is

diagnosed and treated properly. I do this by working with the doctors. I work hard to educate the school district as to my sons disablity and how it affects his education. And I hold the school accountable to follow the law. The law is really on our side if we do our part.> > > > I hope I have not upset anyone to much.> > > > Vickie> >>