What to tell child when kids refuse to let her join in?

[Guest guest]

Hi,

What do you tell your kids to do or say if other children won't let them join in

on their play? Our dd just started school this week (after homeschooling), and

on her third day, she said a group of girls were playing something at recess,

and wouldn't let her join in.

I'm not sure how to help her, since I'm not there at the time. I suggested she

tell the adult supervising, or the teacher when she goes inside. She doesn't

have anything in place as far as support at school.

What should I teach her to say to the kids?

Should she seek help from adults, or try to find other kids to play with?

[Guest guest]

I have heard of parents who have gone and talked to their child's classmates about aspergers in attempt to encourage friendships. I would also talk to my child's teacher and ask him/her to encourage a child to make friends with my child. I have also heard of teachers who have assigned a child to "help" a new child at the school to get around and know what is acceptable and not acceptable. I have heard of all of these things helping some. From: jdarawi <jenniferdarawi@...> Sent: Sat, January 15, 2011 2:33:07 PMSubject: ( ) What to tell child when kids refuse to let her join in?

Hi,

What do you tell your kids to do or say if other children won't let them join in on their play? Our dd just started school this week (after homeschooling), and on her third day, she said a group of girls were playing something at recess, and wouldn't let her join in.

I'm not sure how to help her, since I'm not there at the time. I suggested she tell the adult supervising, or the teacher when she goes inside. She doesn't have anything in place as far as support at school.

What should I teach her to say to the kids?

Should she seek help from adults, or try to find other kids to play with?

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Yeah, she should maybe try to find others to play with, but man,,,,,for a kid, that's hard. Especially a NEW kid.

I think YOU should talk to a teacher. In person, if you can. Ask them if they'd pair a girl with her so that they go out TOGETHER and play. Maybe few and far between, but there are always girls who are more willing to help out and be a "mother hen".

If there is a dx, the teacher should KNOW how hard recess is for our kids.

This was one of our major issues. Although the teachers and recess helpers KNEW he needed guidance....nothing was done. Too many times, I'd go by the school and "pop in" only to find my son standing or crouching along by the back door waiting for recess to be over. Ugh. What's wrong with these teachers/helpers?

Eventually, they allowed him to stay in for recesses (except 1) and he'd go into the SPED Resource Room and get on the computer/play a game, whatever. PLAYING and HANGING OUT was just too hard.

Good luck!

Robin

"Normal is just

a cycle

on a washing machine....."

From: jdarawi <jenniferdarawi@...>Subject: ( ) What to tell child when kids refuse to let her join in? Date: Saturday, January 15, 2011, 2:33 PM

Hi,What do you tell your kids to do or say if other children won't let them join in on their play? Our dd just started school this week (after homeschooling), and on her third day, she said a group of girls were playing something at recess, and wouldn't let her join in.I'm not sure how to help her, since I'm not there at the time. I suggested she tell the adult supervising, or the teacher when she goes inside. She doesn't have anything in place as far as support at school. What should I teach her to say to the kids? Should she seek help from adults, or try to find other kids to play with?

[Guest guest]

What worked for us for many of the early school years

was to invite one peer over our house after school.

I would try to make it regular. My daughter was in girl

scouts from kindergarten so I picked girls I knew

where more arts and crafts (not sporty girls since my daughter was not

interested). In K-3rd grade. I set up the playdates

at my house with a snack, a craft and then free play that

I supervised.

In 4th grade and beyond it has been so hard. Girls group

together and even the girls that came over 1:1 didn't

feel she was flexible to fit into the dynamics of the group.

And even these girl scouts excluded her.

My daughter found it so upsetting that we had to switch to

a special needs school. The more typical girls (reading disorders

only) still exclude her. However there are a few more autistic

girls that are accepting. It still is not good. She is too high

functioning for some of the kids and not flexible or able

to keep up with the changing interests of teen girls.

I do a lot to keep broadening her interests. But at the same

time I see that I will buy her a book of facts and I am starting

to think ..wow I am adding to this interest rather than something that would

help her fit into her peer group. And she SO VERY

MUCH wants to have female peer friends. If she didn't it

wouldn't matter that she has deep interests.

Recently we joined a christian group that has some relatives

in their theater program I really hope this helps. But she

does things like runs up and hugs her 13 year old

cousins and she doesn't like it. So many challenges to keeping

this kids social and accepted.

Pam

>

> Hi,

>

> What do you tell your kids to do or say if other children won't let them join

in on their play? Our dd just started school this week (after homeschooling),

and on her third day, she said a group of girls were playing something at

recess, and wouldn't let her join in.

>

> I'm not sure how to help her, since I'm not there at the time. I suggested

she tell the adult supervising, or the teacher when she goes inside. She

doesn't have anything in place as far as support at school.

>

> What should I teach her to say to the kids?

> Should she seek help from adults, or try to find other kids to play with?

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Well my boys are not in school yet , that will start next year , but i have nieces and nephews that went through this problem, one who went through this exact problem , what my sister did , was schedule a meeting asap , with the teacher , principal and school counselor ( who were very nice) and what they ended up doing was at some point through out the day for about 2 weeks they would pull a few girls from the classroom out of class ( try to split up the clicks was the reason for only taking a few girls) and would talk to them about bullying and being kind and loving to all the kids in their class , and just teaching them about specific examples of how someone can feel bullied or left out , they did exercises and all that stuff. It worked , first and for most , but i thought it was a great way to

handle it because then the other girls werent seeing my neice going and telling her teacher as her tattling , what group of girls is gonna wanna include someone if they feel they are being told on! throughout the 2 weeks they would switched the group of girls up so it wasnt the same group of girls going everytime to talk to the counselor , and towards the end they had all the girls go together! My nephew has severe autism , and my sister wrote a letter to all the parents and their children about what ethan is like , and explained that he may do certain things that may not seem "normal" but that its just the way he is! But he wants to be friends , he just sometimes gets over whelmed , and so on...... really explained the disorder the the other classmates and students, and my sister just told me today ( her son is in 1st grade by the way) that the kids are loving having her son in their class, even tho my nephew is not verbal , and stims

alot with arm flapping and looks like he is not paying attention , the kids talk to him anyways and do what he does , if my nephew goes and rolls in the snow , they will all go roll in the snow , there is actually a "waiting list" because all the kids started fighting over who gets to sit next to my nephew for lunch , all of them wanted to sit next to him!!! So the teacher had to assign days to each student for who gets to sit next to my nephew for lunch!! That was so heart warming for me to hear, you hear a lot of the scary stories about kids getting bullied but you dont hear about the good stories enough!! Really kind of changed my opinion on trying public school for my sons , i hope when my son starts school next year he gets a great group of kids in his class like my nephew has!! But anyway, have you talked to the teacher to find out what she is observing at recess to why they arent letting her participate , i would have a meeting with her ,

and not bring up the situation right away , and just ask about how she is doing in the classroom and at recess , and how the other children are taking to her , if your daughter says this is happening everyday , and the teacher says she had no idea , in my eyes that would be a huge problem , the teacher needs to be supervising not gabbing it up with another teacher , like i always see when i drive past schools out for recess! MeaghanFrom: jdarawi <jenniferdarawi@...> Sent: Sat, January 15, 2011 2:33:07 PMSubject: ( ) What to tell child when kids refuse to let her join in?

Hi,

What do you tell your kids to do or say if other children won't let them join in on their play? Our dd just started school this week (after homeschooling), and on her third day, she said a group of girls were playing something at recess, and wouldn't let her join in.

I'm not sure how to help her, since I'm not there at the time. I suggested she tell the adult supervising, or the teacher when she goes inside. She doesn't have anything in place as far as support at school.

What should I teach her to say to the kids?

Should she seek help from adults, or try to find other kids to play with?

[Guest guest]

For us I've found that educating the kids can help. actually has a friend

at school, a 14yo boy, who is very kind but has a strong protective streak. He

is a wrestler and is bulky. He won't put up with anyone messing with . We

invited him to go swimming at the YMCA with us this past weekend and was so

much more engaged than usual. This boy tends to want to protect any kid who is

at risk for bullying. He has a little sister who is mentally retarded so he

gets it. I don't think this boy would actually harm anyone though he is clearly

physically able to do damage if needed.

Anyway, finding ways to educate the kids has helped us. We showed a video

called Intricate Minds. We've been showing it to 's classmates for a long

while. We have not had a lot of trouble, though I don't think ever notices

being left out. He's just as happy to play on his own these days. When he was

younger, I think he'd have been upset, though.

Miriam

>

> Hi,

>

> What do you tell your kids to do or say if other children won't let them join

in on their play? Our dd just started school this week (after homeschooling),

and on her third day, she said a group of girls were playing something at

recess, and wouldn't let her join in.

>

> I'm not sure how to help her, since I'm not there at the time. I suggested

she tell the adult supervising, or the teacher when she goes inside. She

doesn't have anything in place as far as support at school.

>

> What should I teach her to say to the kids?

> Should she seek help from adults, or try to find other kids to play with?

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Miriam, So awesome your son has a good group of kids at school!! Its always refreshing to hear these kinds of stories , so thanks for sharing!!! :)Meaghan :)From: mimasdprofile <callis4773@...> Sent: Mon, January 17, 2011 10:24:00 AMSubject: ( ) Re: What to tell child when kids refuse to let her join in?

For us I've found that educating the kids can help. actually has a friend at school, a 14yo boy, who is very kind but has a strong protective streak. He is a wrestler and is bulky. He won't put up with anyone messing with . We invited him to go swimming at the YMCA with us this past weekend and was so much more engaged than usual. This boy tends to want to protect any kid who is at risk for bullying. He has a little sister who is mentally retarded so he gets it. I don't think this boy would actually harm anyone though he is clearly physically able to do damage if needed.

Anyway, finding ways to educate the kids has helped us. We showed a video called Intricate Minds. We've been showing it to 's classmates for a long while. We have not had a lot of trouble, though I don't think ever notices being left out. He's just as happy to play on his own these days. When he was younger, I think he'd have been upset, though.

Miriam

>

> Hi,

>

> What do you tell your kids to do or say if other children won't let them join in on their play? Our dd just started school this week (after homeschooling), and on her third day, she said a group of girls were playing something at recess, and wouldn't let her join in.

>

> I'm not sure how to help her, since I'm not there at the time. I suggested she tell the adult supervising, or the teacher when she goes inside. She doesn't have anything in place as far as support at school.

>

> What should I teach her to say to the kids?

> Should she seek help from adults, or try to find other kids to play with?

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for reading it! We really have been so fortunate! When we were

in Texas, even when was in a terrible school the kids were not the issue at

all. Once he got into a better school in Texas we found tremendous amounts of

support. I became the PTA SAGE coordinator (special and gifted education) so I

organized some educational events. Everyone knew me and everyone knew my child.

I volunteered at the library and in 4th grade the school showed the Intricate

Minds video to 's classmates. Then when I was at the library during 's

library time his classmates would ask me questions or ask for help in dealing

with . One little boy who really was absolutely adorable and absolutely a

friend had the most amazingly awful way of asking questions but I didn't focus

on how he asked. I answered the best way I could. " Why is so annoying? "

LOL. I said, " Well, you know how some kids need a lot of help with math or

spelling? needs help with understanding people and getting along with

people. " Then he asked, " Is Asperger Syndrome something to be ashamed of? " Of

course I told him it wasn't and that was born that way and couldn't help

it. The boy seemed to take in the information and didn't ask anything else but

he continued to be 's friend. If school staff are able to help with this

telling the kids and educating them is absolutely the best way in our

experience.

Miriam

> >

> > Hi,

> >

> > What do you tell your kids to do or say if other children won't let them

join

> >in on their play? Our dd just started school this week (after

homeschooling),

> >and on her third day, she said a group of girls were playing something at

> >recess, and wouldn't let her join in.

> >

> > I'm not sure how to help her, since I'm not there at the time. I suggested

she

> >tell the adult supervising, or the teacher when she goes inside. She doesn't

> >have anything in place as far as support at school.

> >

> >

> > What should I teach her to say to the kids?

> > Should she seek help from adults, or try to find other kids to play with?

> >

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks everyone for your feedback and suggestions.

I'm not sure yet which way we'll go on this. I appreciate your ideas.