Re: hard to get along with

[Guest guest]

My daughter was not ready for insight until she turned

13. For the last few years I used mostly a behavior plan.

You take a shower you get 30 min of TV. You go to school

you get 2 hours of computer. At her special needs school

(it took me from kindergarten thru 5th to advocate to get her

in one) they too use incentives, finish math you get to

read about fish, get organized at the end of the day you

get to go to the science room. On stressful days she

will hit me and pull my hair on the way home.

Only now that she is approaching 13 can I start to talk

about her feelings (not mind). I can say I see that

you get mad at me when something happens at school

that is not a way to solve that problem, I want you

to talk about it at school not take it out on me.

I see some glimmer of hope that this is making a little

impact.

My daughter is also on zoloft and this too helped somewhat to

reduce some of her view of life that she has

to control me and everything to feel safe.

This is my first year of having

some peace during the day and I can cope better now

that I can rest during the day and feel like a normal

person.

Over the years I relied on therapist to help me cope

and validate how difficult the situation is.

If you have insurance and can get her into group therapy

or 1:1 with someone that knows Aspergers kids

it will help you get some help.

A behaviorist certified in ABA can also help.

Some AS kids are helped by medication, especially since you mentioned

OCD, my daughter's OCD and panic was greatly helped by zoloft.

I hope you get some support it is very hard to live with such

a difficult situation all alone.

The more support I have gotten then more I feel compassion

toward my daughter. It helps me keep my emotions

in check. When she acts out I don't think have I failed her

I think who is going to help me manage this problem and

how do I say emotionally healthy after being degraded.

Pam

>

> I have an 11 yod with aspergers and ocd. We have always homeschooled. It has

been a very rough 2 1/2 years or so. We only get the basics done and hardly

ever get to history or science. She is so hard to get along with and argues

about everthing. I am realizing more and more how she just doesn't understand

other peoples feelings. But it is so hard to deal with. Today while trying to

do another day of school, she is not cooperating again and I am crying and

asking her does she really not understand how frustrated and upset I am. She

says no, now what do we do next? It just doesn't effect her much at all. I

feel so guilty for not getting to do the fun things in school like I did with

her 19 year old sister. I miss that so much having that time with her. I don't

even plan anything like that anymore b/c she never wants to do it. She wants to

get school finished and then go play on her own. She does like to play games at

times. I am so frustrated and upset, everyday I hope is better and it is always

the same thing different day.

>

[Guest guest]

Have you used a task board at all?? I have introduced one and

my 10yo LOVES ticking things off. She doesn't care what is on the

list but I put some 'givens' on it like eat lunch(things she always

does). You might try breaking it up and having 4-5 boards for the day

with a reward at the end of each board...

I can't imagine home schooling my little one!!!

Well done.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I can also relate. Our daughter is hard to get along with too, and only 6,

almost 7. We are currently homeschooling for our second year. I just requested

an evaluation from the school district, and we are considering putting her back

into school, if not mid-year, for next year.

It's hard for me not to do all the fun things I'd like to do with our kids too,

for school. I am trying to scale back on what I had planned, since it was too

much for our daughter, and therefore the rest of us.

I am struggling with all the responsibilities I have, with 3 children, and 2

with special needs, plus the rest of life. I am looking into other help for our

daughter, but I'm getting more comfortable with the idea of putting her in

school, as it might be best for the whole family. I don't know if that would be

best for you, but some friends/family counseled me to consider it, since I've

been struggling emotionally to handle everything. Perhaps you could consider it

too.

[Guest guest]

We do use a task board and Active Allowance. But she does it well for a while

then quits it. It did help when she uses it. Getting her to comb her hair is

one thing she just doesn't think to do. So since she quit doing it, I quit

giving her an allowance until she starts it up again. It seems like things will

go well and then she will get sick and it throws everything off for a while.

>

>

> Have you used a task board at all?? I have introduced one and

> my 10yo LOVES ticking things off. She doesn't care what is on the

> list but I put some 'givens' on it like eat lunch(things she always

> does). You might try breaking it up and having 4-5 boards for the day

> with a reward at the end of each board...

> I can't imagine home schooling my little one!!!

> Well done.

>

[Guest guest]

I would set small goals as far as working with her. You should stop expecting to do things the same as you did with her older sister. She just isn't going to appreciate it the same way.

Start teaching social skills as a class. There are so many great books out there. We used, "Teaching Children with Autism to Mind read" and did tons of activities involving guessing what other people were thinking, saying or doing based on pictures. There are plenty of activities you can work on to explore problem solving and social thinking. A good website to find material is www.socialthinking.com . Also, a speech therapist might be really helpful to help you work with her.

It will be a long project. But you will hopefully start to see her thinking more about others.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) hard to get along with

I have an 11 yod with aspergers and ocd. We have always homeschooled. It has been a very rough 2 1/2 years or so. We only get the basics done and hardly ever get to history or science. She is so hard to get along with and argues about everthing. I am realizing more and more how she just doesn't understand other peoples feelings. But it is so hard to deal with. Today while trying to do another day of school, she is not cooperating again and I am crying and asking her does she really not understand how frustrated and upset I am. She says no, now what do we do next? It just doesn't effect her much at all. I feel so guilty for not getting to do the fun things in school like I did with her 19 year old sister. I miss that so much having that time with her. I don't even plan anything like that anymore b/c she never wants to do it. She wants to get school finished and then go play on her own. She does like to play games at times. I am so frustrated and upset, everyday I hope is better and it is always the same thing different day.

[Guest guest]

I totally agree that behavior plans do have their

limits. I notice too when my daughter is emotionally

upset that nothing works but soothing her, reducing expectations for awhile,

validating her concerns and then moving ahead again when she feels more stable.

This is so hard to explain to experts I think.

It is not like a mood disorder where the mood needs to be

stabilized it is a state of being overwhelmed emotionally and

once the health is restored or problems addressed things

get better. Even too much boredom can upset things.

Pam

> >

> >

> > Have you used a task board at all?? I have introduced one and

> > my 10yo LOVES ticking things off. She doesn't care what is on the

> > list but I put some 'givens' on it like eat lunch(things she always

> > does). You might try breaking it up and having 4-5 boards for the day

> > with a reward at the end of each board...

> > I can't imagine home schooling my little one!!!

> > Well done.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Have you tried a home school co-op group? That may help her get

some additional outings and make some friends.  It would be great for both of

you to get out and work with other’s J

From:

[mailto: ] On

Behalf Of Roxanna

Sent: Monday, November 08, 2010 9:29 AM

Subject: Re: ( ) hard to get along with

I

would set small goals as far as working with her. You should stop

expecting to do things the same as you did with her older sister. She

just isn't going to appreciate it the same way.

Start teaching social skills as a class. There are so many great books

out there. We used, " Teaching Children with Autism to Mind

read " and did tons of activities involving guessing what other people were

thinking, saying or doing based on pictures. There are plenty of activities

you can work on to explore problem solving and social thinking. A good

website to find material is www.socialthinking.com . Also, a speech

therapist might be really helpful to help you work with her.

It will be a long project. But you will hopefully start to see her

thinking more about others.

Roxanna

" I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the

government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking

care of them. " - Jefferson

( ) hard to get along with

I have an 11 yod with aspergers

and ocd. We have always homeschooled. It has been a very rough 2 1/2 years or

so. We only get the basics done and hardly ever get to history or science. She

is so hard to get along with and argues about everthing. I am realizing more

and more how she just doesn't understand other peoples feelings. But it is so

hard to deal with. Today while trying to do another day of school, she is not

cooperating again and I am crying and asking her does she really not understand

how frustrated and upset I am. She says no, now what do we do next? It just

doesn't effect her much at all. I feel so guilty for not getting to do the fun

things in school like I did with her 19 year old sister. I miss that so much

having that time with her. I don't even plan anything like that anymore b/c she

never wants to do it. She wants to get school finished and then go play on her

own. She does like to play games at times. I am so frustrated and upset,

everyday I hope is better and it is always the same thing different day.