Re: Am I Crazy...put my son in upwart basketball??

January 3, 2011

No, you're not crazy. We went through the same thing with our son. We've gotten refunds with no problem after our son couldn't endure anymore. What our son loves now? Golf and swimming. That works for him for now. Makes sense when you think about it. No rushing and you can pretty much go at your own pace.

January 3, 2011

Sports can be an awful experiece. We went through three horrible seasons of soccor before he would even start to really participate. The sensory issues are better and last season we have some breakthoughs though it wasn't all good by any stretch of the imagination. Basketball is extra tough because its more physical I think than even soccor and inside a gym there is lots of noise. It may take a long while for him into the siwng of things. You might try more of a solo kind of sport like archerty, shooting, drums, etc...

I agree whole heartedly that sports are a major thing that can help him both developmentally and socially but man its tough. Sometimes its like pulling teeth. If he's not totally confident or have a really good mastery yet of controlling his body try all kinds of drills and things at home. Building his confidence might do the trick but your probably going to have to work on it for a whole year before he will really be ready. It can be done. There is a wonderful video on the net of an autistic boy who the coach let suit up for one game to honor him. He had basically been the team equipment boy till then. After they suited the boy up they decided why not let him in the game since they had a sizeable lead. The boy misses his first shot and then hits (6) three pointers in a row. He brought down the house.

And I hear you about other parents having no idea. We have only told a select few people. Though for the last season we did tell the Upward soccor coaches about it. We felt better that way because we were able to help them understand his shyness and inattention. By the way the attention span issues might not just be attention span. My boy did the same thing. I think for him it was more a way of escaping the situation. He'd look everywhere and at everything except the ball. It was a method of avoidence. We also started meletonin and Omega-3 half way through the season and that seemed to really help also.

Again I totally know how you feel. My son is doing better and like you we see progress though its sometimes hard to see and remember. But when I look back I know we are. I literally had to intervene to teach my son how to play. And anything athletic we've had to practice 10 times more than the other kids only to appear like my kid is a slow kid. I'm so proud of him cause I know what he is overcoming.

One more tip. For our last soccor season we had him playing with kids a year younger than him. I think this helped as well. He could actually get to the ball to begin with. We told them he has AS and asked them if we could do that. He was borderline anyway. He said he wants to play next year for his school's after school team. By then he will be in 2nd grade. Unless he really continues to progress I'm afraid he'll get frustrated. The other kids his age have a LOT more stamina and endurance. Plus for the most part they are faster and more agile. Caleb is pretty strong though simply because he is a big boy for his age.

God Bless and continued improvement,

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...>Subject: ( ) Am I Crazy...put my son in upwart basketball?? Date: Monday, January 3, 2011, 7:43 PM

This is only the 2nd practice & things are already going terrible. We have tried different sports in the past & all have been a disaster. It has been a few years since last putting him in something & after seeing my nephew with a downs boy on his team, I thought this might be good for him. He has been obsessively shooting baskets at school and seemed really excited after the 1st practice. 1st practice I spent in the hall on my phone, so I didn't see much. I decided to watch this time and walked out after about 10 min. My 9 year old started off ok, but it is very clear that he has some attention issues compared to the other kids and is often not paying attention. He also purposely does what the coach tells them not to do. These things were not too bad....it was when he started trying to trip another little boy repeatedly that things got bad. After the 2nd time another Mom told the coach on him....whuch at the same time I was calling him

over to deal with it. Apparently he was mad & decided he hates Uopward now. All because he didn't like paasing (it hurt his arm). So, he decided since he was mad, this could should pay. When I asked him to apologize, he refused because the kid, "did not deserve an apolgy". After I came in to the hall...I kept hearing my sons name repeatedly. How embarrassing! I sit among all these other Mom's figuring they think I am the worst Mom ever! I know I shouldn't care, but I do! I work so hard to teach him EVERYTHING, even the most basic things, yet I'm sure the other parents think I teach him nothing. It makes me so jealous that their job is so easy compared to mine! Although...as we speak, my son just Volunteered to say a prayer for the group...something he would have never done before....hmmmmmmm, it is so hard to look at the positive until it smacks you in the face!!! Also, I haven't told anyone about his AS....that has come back to bite me in the

past....

January 3, 2011

I don't know if you are crazy, but you sure are brave! My son is 20 by the time he was 5 I knew that "organized anything" was not right for him. We were told not to come back to gymnastics, he wasn't "mature" enough, the private Karate lessons, well, let's just say that she handed back the check before the second lesson was over. I just had to accept that what I had imagined his life was going to be, wasn't what it was going to be... But on the other hand I didn't have to run myself ragged like my neighbors running around to different "activities". Instead we went every week to the library, sometimes more than that, we went to the museums, etc.. Even school was too much for him and I couldn't, in good conscience, up his meds anymore. So he started being homeschooled in 8th grade and I spent a lot of time doing mundane things with him. Going to the store, post office etc., making him pay and interact with the clerks. He just finished his 3rd semester at community college, drives his own truck and has made lots of friends. He is well liked and very sweet.

And the added bonus is I didn't have to be around moms who are ignorant and self-righteous and had no idea what it was like to have a child with special needs. So, my advice is to pick your battles and weigh the pros and the cons of organized activities. The only place he really did well was when he was a cubby in AWANA at church and that was because I was there the whole time and he would come in with 6 verses memorized and would blow everyone away. However, when it came to game time, I just wanted to die because he wouldn't wait in line, take turns, the whole nine yards.

It's not just a job, it's an adventure!!

January 3, 2011

HI. I find that telling the coach about the AS is always in my son's best

interest. It helps the coach know how he/she should handle certain situations.

I also find basketball and other team sports to be really hard for my son with

AS. My son participates in Rangers, a Christian take on scouting. He loves it.

I have heard others say that for kids with AS, sports such as martial arts,

gymnastics, swimming, tennis, etc are good.

Leah

January 3, 2011

I am so glad to hear about your success story. I've had a couple of people at our church recommende awanas. You just made me think about it again. For now I just want to get him through first grade. Hes doing fine academically and is progressing socially. But yeah I know in my heart he is never going to excel in sports as much as I would like him too. Still his small bit of sports I have him do at the house is helping him with body control. So its all good I guess. In many ways our ASPIES are also confounded by immaturities. If we can get them into adulthood I think many of them fit it quite nice then.

Still why be normal....I always hated that saying when I was younger...but it is true. Normal these days is pretty messed up.

January 4, 2011

Thanks a million for sharing your experience, I found it to be immensely helpful. It's encouraging to know that your 20 yr old is doing so well.

Blessings,

Yemie

From: "cindten@..." <cindten@...> Sent: Mon, January 3, 2011 5:35:47 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Am I Crazy...put my son in upwart basketball??

I don't know if you are crazy, but you sure are brave! My son is 20 by the time he was 5 I knew that "organized anything" was not right for him. We were told not to come back to gymnastics, he wasn't "mature" enough, the private Karate lessons, well, let's just say that she handed back the check before the second lesson was over. I just had to accept that what I had imagined his life was going to be, wasn't what it was going to be... But on the other hand I didn't have to run myself ragged like my neighbors running around to different "activities". Instead we went every week to the library, sometimes more than that, we went to the museums, etc.. Even school was too much for him and I couldn't, in good conscience, up his meds anymore. So he started being homeschooled in 8th grade and I spent a lot of time doing mundane things with him. Going to the store, post

office etc., making him pay and interact with the clerks. He just finished his 3rd semester at community college, drives his own truck and has made lots of friends. He is well liked and very sweet.And the added bonus is I didn't have to be around moms who are ignorant and self-righteous and had no idea what it was like to have a child with special needs. So, my advice is to pick your battles and weigh the pros and the cons of organized activities. The only place he really did well was when he was a cubby in AWANA at church and that was because I was there the whole time and he would come in with 6 verses memorized and would blow everyone away. However, when it came to game time, I just wanted to die because he wouldn't wait in line, take turns, the whole nine yards. It's not just a job, it's an adventure!!

January 4, 2011

You are not crazy. My son did Upward. We too had our moments. One was during

a game and someone bumped into him and he went running at them with the fist up

in the air. I ran on the court and yanked him off. This was duringthe game.

Let him try, just explain AS to the coaches. The thing I liked about Upward is

that they are more understanding than the locat rec.

I have to point out that he did not want to do it again this year. We would

have had to go to a different church sinc ethe one from last year ages out in

6th

Bobbie in NJ

>

> This is only the 2nd practice & things are already going terrible. We have

tried different sports in the past & all have been a disaster. It has been a

few years since last putting him in something & after seeing my nephew with a

downs boy on his team, I thought this might be good for him. He has been

obsessively shooting baskets at school and seemed really excited after the 1st

practice. 1st practice I spent in the hall on my phone, so I didn't see much. I

decided to watch this time and walked out after about 10 min. My 9 year old

started off ok, but it is very clear that he has some attention issues compared

to the other kids and is often not paying attention. He also purposely does

what the coach tells them not to do. These things were not too bad....it was

when he started trying to trip another little boy repeatedly that things got

bad. After the 2nd time another Mom told the coach on him....whuch at the same

time I was calling him over to deal with it. Apparently he was mad & decided he

hates Uopward now. All because he didn't like paasing (it hurt his arm). So,

he decided since he was mad, this could should pay. When I asked him to

apologize, he refused because the kid, " did not deserve an apolgy " . After I

came in to the hall...I kept hearing my sons name repeatedly. How embarrassing!

I sit among all these other Mom's figuring they think I am the worst Mom ever!

I know I shouldn't care, but I do! I work so hard to teach him EVERYTHING, even

the most basic things, yet I'm sure the other parents think I teach him nothing.

It makes me so jealous that their job is so easy compared to mine!

Although...as we speak, my son just Volunteered to say a prayer for the

group...something he would have never done before....hmmmmmmm, it is so hard to

look at the positive until it smacks you in the face!!! Also, I haven't told

anyone about his AS....that has come back to bite me in the past....

>

January 4, 2011

You're not crazy for wanting to offer your son opportunities to try differenct activities. Personally I think a lot of families over do it with extracurricular activities for their kids. But if they truly like it then I say go for it. But if they don't then there is no use in forcing the issue, it will only make you and him miserable.

I tried putting my son in soccer on 5th grade. He loved the idea at first and the sport. Until he couldn't keep up with all the different rules. He was given his position on the field and would stay right there instead of moving around to try to get the ball. He was very literal in his interpratation of the rules. At one game the coach sent in another little boy to take my son's place. I saw the boy run up to my son and say something. He was probably telling him to go to the side line. But I could tell my son was confused. Because there were too many players on the field the game couldn't resume, so everyone started yelling at him to get off the field. Including other parents. Finallly we started calling his name, when he looked our way finally we waved him off the field. He finally got it and ran to the side his team was on which was across the field. I could see him sit down and fold his arms and could tell his was embarrassed and angry. Then I

saw the coach's wife lean over him and try to talk to him. He kept turning away from her, but she kept trying to talk to him. From where we were we couldn't hear what was being said. After the game, we crossed the field to where he was still sitting. I felt so bad for him. Then the coach came over to us and said my son told his wife to shut up and he couldn't have my son being disrespectful to his wife. I told him I totally agree, but I had told him my son has AS. iThat if he told her to leave him alone because he was upset and she kept talking to him that he will very blunt. Even to the point where he will tell you to shut up. Of course this is not appropriate but my son has to learn this slowly and can't doesn't understand what is socially appropriate like NT kids. It was very embarrassing and aggravating. These coaches are volunteers, usually because their kid is on the team. They have no clue what AS is or how to work with these kids. Of

course his son was the star of the team.

My son wanted to quit right then and there, but we made him finish the season. We haven't put him in any organized sport since. I can't see putting him through that or having to hear other parents say things and then try to explain to them that my son has AS.

ne

From: cmt263 <gina9431@...>Subject: ( ) Am I Crazy...put my son in upwart basketball?? Date: Monday, January 3, 2011, 7:43 PM

This is only the 2nd practice & things are already going terrible. We have tried different sports in the past & all have been a disaster. It has been a few years since last putting him in something & after seeing my nephew with a downs boy on his team, I thought this might be good for him. He has been obsessively shooting baskets at school and seemed really excited after the 1st practice. 1st practice I spent in the hall on my phone, so I didn't see much. I decided to watch this time and walked out after about 10 min. My 9 year old started off ok, but it is very clear that he has some attention issues compared to the other kids and is often not paying attention. He also purposely does what the coach tells them not to do. These things were not too bad....it was when he started trying to trip another little boy repeatedly that things got bad. After the 2nd time another Mom told the coach on him....whuch at the same time I was calling him

over to deal with it. Apparently he was mad & decided he hates Uopward now. All because he didn't like paasing (it hurt his arm). So, he decided since he was mad, this could should pay. When I asked him to apologize, he refused because the kid, "did not deserve an apolgy". After I came in to the hall...I kept hearing my sons name repeatedly. How embarrassing! I sit among all these other Mom's figuring they think I am the worst Mom ever! I know I shouldn't care, but I do! I work so hard to teach him EVERYTHING, even the most basic things, yet I'm sure the other parents think I teach him nothing. It makes me so jealous that their job is so easy compared to mine! Although...as we speak, my son just Volunteered to say a prayer for the group...something he would have never done before....hmmmmmmm, it is so hard to look at the positive until it smacks you in the face!!! Also, I haven't told anyone about his AS....that has come back to bite me in the

past....

January 5, 2011

Thank you all for you replies!!

Bobbie...I can so feel your embarrassment with your son telling the coaches wife

to shut up! I can totally see my son doing that! It is so frustrating when the

coaches do not know how to deal with AS and aggravate the situation. I have had

this with a bus driver and & boy scout camp this past summer. Needless to say.

He is no longer riding the bus & will not be going to boy scout camp again.

I think I will tell the coach our situation next week....Anyone have a good way

of doing this? I find most people have no experience with autism let alone

aspergers. Is there some kind of card or cheat sheet available to pass out?

> >

> > This is only the 2nd practice & things are already going terrible. We have