Re: New and unsure want some information.

[Guest guest]

I pray that my daughter finds a friend as great as your daughter! What a

wonderful person she must be. It takes a lot to put up with some of the quirks

of an Aspie - and for her to stand up for Joni at the risk of her own popularity

shows real character. I wish there were more people like her!

You mentioned that you wondered if there was a way to point things out to Joni

without offending her. Funny thing is, it's VERY hard to offend an Aspie. What

your daughter might do is suggest they go to that movie together - maybe it

would open up Joni to the possibility that she has Asperger's. I bet she'd be

relieved to see that she's not so alone in it, and that there's a reason she's

felt different.

All that being said, the best, and possibly ONLY way to help Joni is for your

daughter to do exactly what she has been doing. One has to be brutally blunt.

Beating around the bush doesn't work. Correcting Joni in the moment and telling

her right then what she is doing wrong is probably helping her more than

anything. If you poke around this board, you'll see a lot about social skills

training. Aspies actually have to be taught how to act in a socially acceptable

manner, and what better way to learn than real life? There isn't a more perfect

way for this girl to learn how to do it correctly than to be coached by an

unconditionally loving friend who honestly cares.

God bless your daughter - what a wonderful, caring, patient, and understanding

girl you have. Please tell her that she really is making a difference in the

best way she possibly could. Think of what Joni's school life would be like if

it was left up to her alone. She would likely make herself an outcast and suffer

immensely because of it. Perhaps your daughter will teach other kids about

tolerance. To have a whole group of girls looking out for someone because they

know they are doing a wonderful thing and making a real difference in her life

would be a great start to changing the way the world looks at people with

invisible disabilities. Just to have ONE high school where the person who would

have otherwise been an outcast and probably teased mercilessly, ended up being

taken under everyone's wing and guided, would be an amazing difference.

[Guest guest]

Sounds like she has made a good start. More than likely Joni wants to fit in

and perhaps needs a little " mothering " to accomplish that. It is important that

she deals with the behavior in a matter of fact manner, pointing out the

behavior and modelling appropriate behavior rather than criticizing or making

her feel bad. I am researching some dvds called Model Me Kids dvds that model

appropriate behavior. It might be worth looking up and at least watching the

sample clips to get some ideas of how to help her. My son is six and newly

diagnosed and I plan to order them. Of course it is harder when you are dealing

with a child that is not your own and helping your daughter learn to help her.

I think just the fact that your daughter has accepted her and all her quirks is

really going to be wonderful for both children in the long run. Your daughter

is benefiting by learning diversity and tolerance and her friend is by far

benefiting from the friendship.

>

> Hi, I do not have a child with asperger's.  I do have a son with major

depression and have found help with an online group which is why I am trying

this for some help. 

> My daughter has a friend who I always felt had asperger's.  The symptems are

all there, but she (or her parents) have never said this was what was going on. 

Both of the girls are 16 now, and my dd Tricia has slowly been pulling away from

" Joni " because she is alinating all of Tricia's friends.  Really, Tricia has

always been very nice to Joni, perhaps " mothering " her too much. Always backing

her up, saying to her friends well I want Joni to come with, ect. 

> Last night while watching a movie preview a movie about aspergers came on,

Tricia looked up on-line the symptems and what it was and realized Joni matches

to a t.  So all of a sudden she is saying wait a minute, maybe my behavior is

hurting Joni as much as Joni's is hurting my social life, what can I do to make

us both happy.  (Yes my daughter growing up with a  clinically depressed

brother wants to " cure " the world.  One person at a time, I never said she was

perfect she just likes everyone to be as happpy as possible) 

> Here are a few of the things Tricia has done with Joni-

> When Joni stands and stares at people she will 'interupt " her line of vision,

and say Joni your staring.

> When Joni starts talking about cats and what they eat, sleep, crap out

(really) she will interupt her and say Ok enough about cats, and change the

subject.

> Is this ok, I mean should she be doing these things, is there anyplace we can

go to find out how to properly respond to Joni with out totally offending her? 

> Like I said I have no idea if this is what is going on with Joni or not but it

so looks like it I was hoping someone could direct me in the right direction.  I

really like Joni and I know that my daughter does also.

> Thank you,

> Sheila

>

[Guest guest]

I guess that is what I want to know, that she won't offend Joni by "correcting" her behavior. One thing that I did not mention was the fact that Tricia is really struggling this year. She was asked to prom by a friend as a friend, she accepted but now when ever my daughter talks to this boy (who has been friends with both of them) Joni will do one of three things: Stare at him, repeatedly ask, so are you gonna kiss- have you kissed, or walk behind him and hold her hand like three inches from his head. (Not sure why?) In this case my daughter is totally confused, the staring she can stop that is not a big deal, she will interupt her line of vision and include her in the conversation. But what about the other two? She has talked to her afterwards

and explained that she is uncomfertable with the questions, she has told her directly to stop NOW, the guy on the other hand will just look at her and walk away. Also the whole holding her hand just inches from his head? She can do it for hours. Ok so Victor gets tired and will walk away after a couple of minutes, but still. Any suggestions?

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