Re: 15 year old with trich and anxiety

[Guest guest]

Hi Pat,

I have two teens that do SOS (switched on schoolhouse) on the computer for school work, plus other books I supplement. Usually books from the library. I like them to read more. I have found that as long as I keep them involved in an active youth group and home school group they are doing fine. I can monitor the friend issues etc much easier. My 16 year old started some college classes here that I attend with her. She relates better to adults than kids her age so loves her college classes. My 15 year old plans to start some junior college evening classes she can attend with her dad. She has very sensitive hearing and easily distracted so loves a quieter environment.

I think backing away, letting her rest a bit and reminding her you are on her side and want what is best for her can help.

My youngest is 5 and we recently removed him from public school, it took a few weeks for him to relax and he is doing so much better.

I've come to the conclusion that for me as a Christian I need to pray about each step I take and really listen to their needs. We analyze what is best for each child each April to discuss what next year will look like and what curriculum we should purchase or borrow.

Have you asked her if she would like to be home schooled?

Just my 2 cents

Sandy

In a message dated 12/26/2010 4:41:24 P.M. Eastern Standard Time, pale54@... writes:

I have a 15 year old that has Aspergers. School so far this year has been a disaster. She gets up fine, but by the time she is ready to go her anxiety is so high that she is crying and begging not to go. She says she sick, always taking her temperature to see if she has a fever, which she never does. Two years ago she started pulling her hair and its really gotten bad recently. She had a few friends but basically over the summer she refused to talk to any of them so they have moved on and now she has no one. I am thinking of letting her do online high school just because she is so miserable and at this point I don't feel it can get any worse. She is currently taking vyvanse for the ADHD, zoloft for the OCD and the anxiety. I would like some feed back from any of you who do online schooling, and if you have any suggestions as to how I can make our situation any better. I am so afraid that even though she is very intelligent that she is going to become more is olated than she already is. So far she been out a week for Christmas break and all she wants to be is left alone. Please send me your opinions. Thanks Pat

[Guest guest]

Hi Pat, I can't comment about online school. But wanted to say that if the OCD

is what is causing the anxiety, then the Zoloft should help. However, if she

has anxiety unrelated to OCD (such as also having generalized anxiety disorder

or panic attacks) then the Zoloft may not touch that, she may also need a med

that is for anxiety, or one to take " as needed " for those moments. I know, we

hate to add additional meds, but just wanted to mention that.

Just quick thoughts,

single mom, 3 sons

, 21, with OCD, dysgraphia, Aspergers

>

this point I don't feel it can get any worse. She is currently taking vyvanse

for the ADHD, zoloft for the OCD and the anxiety. I would like some feed back

from any of you who do online schooling, and if you have any suggestions as to

how I can make our situation any better. I am so afraid that even though she is

very intelligent that she is going to become more isolated than she already is.

So far she been out a week for Christmas break and all she wants to be is left

alone. Please send me your opinions. Thanks Pat

>

[Guest guest]

For anxiety (when he needs it) my son takes Xanax. It does help him. He is also on a small dose of Prozac for depression. I drive him to school now that I work on the same campus. Every morning as we get on school grounds he says...my stomach is bothering me...do you think I will be okay. And, I explain to him it is anxiety. Anxiety can do a lot of things to one's body. I tell him to breathe, that if he needs to he can go up to see his one teacher (he has permission). He also has ginger ale with him and is allowed to drink it and I always put saltines in his backpack. I think knowing this ....and hearing me tell him that he will be okay...helps him. He goes to school and is fine.

Once he is there...he is okay. Teachers tell me he talks to kids and sits at the lunch table with a group of boys and they play table football. He doesn't eat lunch...says he isn't hungry. But, this is our morning routine.

In Oct/Nov. we had a tough time getting him to go to school. He has missed 10 days so far this year but we seemed to have gotten thru this. The school is aware of his anxiety and I have taken him to the doctor for it. But, I think I major hurdle is over for this year. I am keeping my fingers crossed....and I continue to tell him he will be fine and to breathe and talk to his teachers.

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: <@...> Sent: Sun, December 26, 2010 8:49:15 PMSubject: ( ) Re: 15 year old with trich and anxiety

Hi Pat, I can't comment about online school. But wanted to say that if the OCD is what is causing the anxiety, then the Zoloft should help. However, if she has anxiety unrelated to OCD (such as also having generalized anxiety disorder or panic attacks) then the Zoloft may not touch that, she may also need a med that is for anxiety, or one to take "as needed" for those moments. I know, we hate to add additional meds, but just wanted to mention that. Just quick thoughts,single mom, 3 sons, 21, with OCD, dysgraphia, Aspergers>this point I don't feel it can get any worse. She is currently taking vyvanse for the ADHD, zoloft for the OCD and the anxiety. I would like some feed back from any

of you who do online schooling, and if you have any suggestions as to how I can make our situation any better. I am so afraid that even though she is very intelligent that she is going to become more isolated than she already is. So far she been out a week for Christmas break and all she wants to be is left alone. Please send me your opinions. Thanks Pat>

[Guest guest]

How long has she been on Zoloft. I know it is supposed to be great for trich

but my daughter actually pulled her hair MORE on it and her anxiety got worse.

It was the same with Lexapro. We gave up on SSRI meds. OT at Easterseals

helped her as did getting pets. I let her adopt two pet rats over the summer

and they made so much difference. Anyway, I thought it might be important for

you to know about our adverse experience with the meds. If she's been on them a

long time and was fine on them until recently then it might not be the meds.

What else is going on at school? I would be very concerned that something is

happening there or has happened there that made her worse that she can't tell

you or can't express. This happens with my son. He is 13. This past summer he

went to the same day camp he's been to for the last 3 years with a para. The

para was the same but had been using some unacceptable ways of controlling

that worked okay in the past. He was physically moving away from upsetting

situations. was about twice the size/weight this year as he was last year.

He's been through a big growth spurt. He adores this para, but if he doesn't

want to be moved he can't be moved. I haven't been able to physically move him

for years so I've been using a lot of talking and distraction to get us out of

rough spots and then social stories. Anyway, would get more and more upset

and he was having to be restrained every day. There was a new special ed person

at camp who was very gung ho about restraining . This just added to the

misery. was so upset all the time and one day he even pulled a knife out

of our butcher block and threatened his sister with it. Once camp was over my

sweet boy was back! It took me ages to put together all the pieces, though,

because whenever I'd ask about what happened he wouldn't remember. I think

all the restraining put him into such a blinding rage he'd just forget

everything. I'm still trying to figure out what to do about it.

>

> I have a 15 year old that has Aspergers. School so far this year has been a

disaster. She gets up fine, but by the time she is ready to go her anxiety is

so high that she is crying and begging not to go. She says she sick, always

taking her temperature to see if she has a fever, which she never does. Two

years ago she started pulling her hair and its really gotten bad recently. She

had a few friends but basically over the summer she refused to talk to any of

them so they have moved on and now she has no one. I am thinking of letting her

do online high school just because she is so miserable and at this point I don't

feel it can get any worse. She is currently taking vyvanse for the ADHD, zoloft

for the OCD and the anxiety. I would like some feed back from any of you who do

online schooling, and if you have any suggestions as to how I can make our

situation any better. I am so afraid that even though she is very intelligent

that she is going to become more isolated than she already is. So far she been

out a week for Christmas break and all she wants to be is left alone. Please

send me your opinions. Thanks Pat

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Pat ~

I can really relate to your situation. Our son went through the same thing

throughout middle school, until we finally decided to make a clean break and try

home schooling. It's been awesome since. He feels so much better about himself

now, the anxiety has diminished and he's off all meds. It allows them to have

some of the flexibility that they need to stay focused. Once we pulled him out,

we tried getting him involved in youth groups etc., which seemed to help also.

We started out with the Alpha Omega Switched on Schoolhouse (I think that's what

it's called ~ SOS). We began in the 8th grade. By the 9th grade though, we had

to use the SOS program, and then Math-U-See for math. He still struggles with

language arts, but I was able to find some good work books through our local

curriculum store, that are more at his level and speed. Wishing you the best on

your journey. It's been a tough one, but very rewarding also. Our son has

blossomed a great deal through this journey. Feel free to contact me personally

if you'd like to discuss home schooling further.

Truly,

Dawn Marie

>

> I have a 15 year old that has Aspergers. School so far this year has been a

disaster. She gets up fine, but by the time she is ready to go her anxiety is

so high that she is crying and begging not to go. She says she sick, always

taking her temperature to see if she has a fever, which she never does. Two

years ago she started pulling her hair and its really gotten bad recently. She

had a few friends but basically over the summer she refused to talk to any of

them so they have moved on and now she has no one. I am thinking of letting her

do online high school just because she is so miserable and at this point I don't

feel it can get any worse. She is currently taking vyvanse for the ADHD, zoloft

for the OCD and the anxiety. I would like some feed back from any of you who do

online schooling, and if you have any suggestions as to how I can make our

situation any better. I am so afraid that even though she is very intelligent

that she is going to become more isolated than she already is. So far she been

out a week for Christmas break and all she wants to be is left alone. Please

send me your opinions. Thanks Pat

>

[Guest guest]

Pat,

Your description of your child sounds just like my daughter when she was 13.

The anxiety and depression about school were huge for her, and with my daughter

it turned to physical manifestations, too -- stomach issues and very severe

migraine headaches.

We pulled her out of school and we are VERY glad we did. Our thinking was that

the school world was clearly a negative one for her -- to the extent that it

provided her with socialization, it was not teaching her anything useful (except

to hate and avoid it) and it was clearly so difficult for her that it was making

her sick.

We tried various online school and home school options. We used, for about a

semester, Time4Learning. I do not recall what was available for older kids, but

at the time it was so cartoony and computer game-like that it was a dramatic

change from classroom learning and it helped to calm our daughter down while

having her do SOMETHING school related. We wanted something goofy and

non-threatening for her, to help her shift gears and maybe remind her that

school and learning were two separate things -- learning CAN be fun.

We combined that with working with a tutor (a teacher we'd loved at her school

whom my daughter liked) for math and science. Our instruction to him was to

keep things low key, low stress, but keep her moving forward. We were MUCH more

worried about her mental and physical health than her academic progress that

stage.

That worked so well and she was thriving, much happier, lower anxiety, that we

switched to the online highschool through Stanford's EPGY program (education

program for gifted youth). It's online school, with classtimes at particular

times, and the kid attends by being in front of computer with webcam and

microphone at designated times. We thought that maybe out of the classroom

setting, she could excel academically and like school again. The good parts were

academic content and quality of teaching, and actual interaction with students

and teachers. But, for our daughter, the anxiety was still too high. She was

doing great academically but we found that the program was intended for " type A "

kids who want to progress fast and can handle pressure and more of a college

structure. Our daughter couldn't.

So, now we do something more like traditional home schooling, which is to say

that I have organized her curriculum to shape what she needs to study for state

standards, what her interests are, and how her schedule works. We keep pressure

very low but at the same time, as she is so strong academically, we try to give

her challenging work that will be fun.

There are so many great home school curriculum packages, or online classes, or

materials available. I think of it as me being a general contractor and hiring

the subcontractors to teach different subjects.

The change in our daughter has been wonderful. AND we have learned (now that

she feels safe, I think) that she was getting a lot of bullying at the school

setting that made her so anxious. And that explained some of her extreme school

avoidance.

If you have more questions, feel free to email directly. I totally sympathize

with your situation and would be happy to talk more specifically about what has

worked for us.

Diane

[Guest guest]

Thank you for all your input. I am going to go forward with the online

schooling. I can't imagine trying to do 2 and a half more years of

what we have been doing.

I can't imagine that it could get worse. It just has to be better

than what we are dealing with now. Did any of you have any problems

with keeping your children

interested in the online program? Also for those of you that have

high schoolers, do you feel that your child was being prepared for

college? She says that she

wants to go to college, though I know that is down the road aways. I

just want to get her through high school right now. Also for anyone in

Ohio, can you recommend

a good online school that you have used. Its so hard to know which

one to choose.

Pat

[Guest guest]

When my daughter was in junior high she also had extreme anxiety about going to

school. Is she being bullied? I know in my daughter's case she was and that is

why she didn't want to go and did some of the things that your daughter is

doing.

We battled with the school district and they ended up putting her in a private

school with kids that had learning disablities. She did great there and enjoyed

going to school. This was before internet. If she was going through the same

stuff today I would go with online school. However I would enroll her in some Y

groups, some stuff at the park district, or through your church or temple. She

really needs to socialize, especially being autistic.

I don't know how verbal your daughter is. Mine is very verbal. She might be able

to tell you why she doesn't want to go. Ask her if the other kids are giving her

a hard time. In high school and junior high they are all trying to fit in and

for those who don't pick up on social cues it can be both frustrating and

confusing.

With my daughter I had to be very specific about the questions I asked. I would

ask her if the other kids were making fun of her, if other kids were bothering

or hurting her. I also asked about the teachers. (Back when she was going to

school little was known about autism-rate was 1 in 20,000 when she was diagnosed

in 88.) I asked her if she understood all the work she was getting in school and

if she didn't understand something. I then went to the school and talked with

them about her situation.

Good luck.

>

> I have a 15 year old that has Aspergers. School so far this year has been a

disaster. She gets up fine, but by the time she is ready to go her anxiety is

so high that she is crying and begging not to go. She says she sick, always

taking her temperature to see if she has a fever, which she never does. Two

years ago she started pulling her hair and its really gotten bad recently. She

had a few friends but basically over the summer she refused to talk to any of

them so they have moved on and now she has no one. I am thinking of letting her

do online high school just because she is so miserable and at this point I don't

feel it can get any worse. She is currently taking vyvanse for the ADHD, zoloft

for the OCD and the anxiety. I would like some feed back from any of you who do

online schooling, and if you have any suggestions as to how I can make our

situation any better. I am so afraid that even though she is very intelligent

that she is going to become more isolated than she already is. So far she been

out a week for Christmas break and all she wants to be is left alone. Please

send me your opinions. Thanks Pat

>

[Guest guest]

My son went through something similar at 15. He reached a point where he

absolutely refused to go to school anymore and his doctor said that if we forced

him to go to school that it would damage him psychologically. His school had

become toxic for him.

The school district up to this point had refused an IEP and so had offered no

accommodations and what they offered when he couldn't take it anymore was too

little, too late for someone in his fragile condition. What worked for him was a

promise that we would not return him to his current school, plus medication for

anxiety.

This was a very scary time for our entire family. I looked into a variety of

things - tutors, home schooling, charter schools. I found a private school for

AS kids and with the help of a lawyer the school district agreed that they had

not provided him with FAPE (free and appropriate education) and so they footed

the tuition bill. The new school was a miracle. It was small, safe, and

academically challenging. He had a social life. He got social skills therapy

every day. On the first day of school when I picked him up, he came out of the

door smiling. The next morning he popped out of bed and wanted to go to school.

He's in college today and doing very well so far. If I hadn't found this school,

I'm convinced that he would be a high school dropout.

So please think about what you can change in the school environment to help your

daughter cope. In my son's case, he was being bullied. In some classes, he could

not follow the verbal instructions and so didn't know what he was supposed to

do. Some of the assignments didn't make sense to him - he couldn't break them

down into smaller tasks. For math, since he usually knew the answers instantly,

he would loose points because he wasn't showing his work. In other classes he

was just plain bored.