Re: Re: I Feel Like The Worst Mother Ever!!!!

[Guest guest]

lol. hands across the ocean guys, I get the "blah blah blah" as well.

From: <video228@...>Subject: ( ) Re: I Feel Like The Worst Mother Ever!!!! Date: Friday, 27 November, 2009, 3:02

,first off. dont ever feel like the worst mother in the world. you have been given a task in life that in the past would just have parents putting their children in mental hospitals and forgetting they existed (th efar past, thank God).it is probabaly very possible that your child is having a very hard tiem addapting to his new curicular and surroundings.my daughter is also 8 and it is amazing that she actually says the same thing "blah blah blah" when someone is jabbering on at her. but in her mind she is trying to be funny. she is not being disobedient or disrespectful by doing that. it is her way to fit in when she is with her peers.unfortunately, she is in the same situation. she had a excellent year last year and this year the kids are terrible with her.she comes home every day crying ans saying "no one plays with me".my suggestion would be to ask the teacher if there was a way to get your child to have "some

part" of what went well last year.for my child it was her teacher that was her "anchor stone".so now when my daughter has what they call a "good day" they allow her to go see her last years teacher for the last 30 minutes of school.this regained her stability a little.they even decided to have her go to the class and read to the children a short story (this made her feel important and useful)and gave her a feeling of accomplishment and self esteem, knowing that the younger kids were all listening to her becuase she read so well.as far as a behavioral plan, "DEMAND ONE! wether they say your child is doing well now or not.im not sure how your state works, but in connecticut, if we ask for a iep or a behavioral assessment, the school system has 45 days to get it done. if they dont they are in serious trouble with the state and can be sued by the parents.you are now a mama lion and someone is threatening your cub

or cubs.of course the claws will come. be proud of yourself for even looking for answers.fight the good fight and pick your battles carefully, but most of all make yourself heard. as my wife puts it "i have to speak loudly for my child because these children really dont know how to speak for themselves about what they need, nor will anyone listen to them.God bless you and stay strong.God never gives us more than we can handle.Most of all stay strong and proud and never feel as though you are a bad mom. youre only doing what is best.>> I sometimes just can't take it any more!!! My son will be 8 in a few weeks, and has been a real challenge the last few

days. Over all, he is going great this year in school, compared to past years (he is in 2nd grade now). However, the year is still early, and his pattern is to get worse as the year progresses.> > Anyway, yesterday it was a nasty email from the art teacher, and today from the bus driver. I am irritated with the school, because I have asked repeatedly for a behavioral plan, but whenever I do, his behavior is suddenly not a problem. I mostly get the impression they don't want to give him any more help because he does well academically. ....that' s a whole different story!> > So.....he has been getting in trouble at school, and has even been bad for my brother and mother, who he is usually really good for. Today he threw a notebook at my Mom, when she tried making him write sentences for being bad on the bus (he kept yelling "blah, blah, blah" and the bus driver told him 5 times to stop, and he would not listen). It's one thing

for him to act up with me....but not so common with my Mom. > > The final straw was tonight, when I took him shopping. It was getting late, and I was in a hurry. He continues to do everything he can to be pokey and slow us down, including spending 20 minutes in the bathroom (I actually let him go in to them men's restroom for once, and this is what happens....but he is turning 8...I need to eventually!! !). This is an ongoing issue with him. He does everything at his own (very slow) pace, and when he wants to. The world must revolve around him!! Mornings can be terrible because of this. I had just had enough tonight, and literally yelled at him all the way home from the store. We get home, I'm fuming, he's crying hysterically and apologizing. I start feeling really guilty and sat down to talk to him. He tells me that he wishes he were someone else (and starts naming kids he knows who are "good") and not him. He hates being him and said he

wishes I would kill him, that he doesn't want to be alive any more!!! My 2nd grader is talking like this. > > I probed more in to his behavior, and he finally admitted that he hates the kids at school because they are mean to him. He has asked me (actually begged me) before to move so that he could go to another school with nice kids. I get so frustrated, because everything is someone else's fault, or he has an excuse. He never does anything wrong!! Then he says this and I feel bad. Could he be acting out because of how the kids are treating him? > > He sees a therapist, so I could bring this up to her. He is also in social skills classes with the same therapist. I am so worried about him, and feel like my losing it is only hurting him more. He is soooooo smart, and I know he gets what is right, and what is respectful.. ..he just doesn't follow through. He says he doesn't know how to be good, but is that just an excuse?? I

asked him if he thought I loved him....and he said no!!! I have always tried to let him know that when I am mad at him, I still love him, I just don't like the way he is acting or what he is doing. Is this typical for a child to think this way? I also heard my Mom tell him she loves him no matter what he does.> > Guess I'm looking for suggestions! ! I worry sooooo much about what everyone else things of us, and I know I shouldn't. That causes way more stress, and I know this. Tomorrow we are suppose to go to my boyfriend's parents house for a birthday party (my boyfriend's 11 year old son), and I don't even know if I want to go now. He will probably act up, since he has been on a roll lately, and I will just stress out. I don't always feel they are the most understand people. My boyfriend's son (the only grandchild) couldn't be any easier, sweet, quiet!!! I just don't feel like they understand, and I worry about it more than I

should!!> > Sorry to go on.....I just feel soooooo bad and frustrated right now. I am a single Mom (Dad is what I would call the "Disneyland" Dad).....and it wears on me doing this by myself sometimes!!! !!!>

[Guest guest]

Good post ....I have to look up the time frame...you said 45 ...I've been saying 90 ....but now that I think about it ...it may be 60 ...I'll check that.

Yes, an IEP is imporant for our children and a Behavior Plan is a super idea. It can be done...just have to make sure everyone is following it...not always that easy to do.

My son is now in 8th grade. I think 5th grade was the hardest ....he had a Spec.Ed. teacher who didn't like him and life was awful. Also, academically for some reason 5th grade tends to be a hard one academically...even my sister who has taught for 30 years says it it. I think it is a major turning point for the student. I found 6th grade the worst as far as the whole social scene and friends. Things have calmed down in that area...now I wish he would study ...LOL!

I used to get the blah blah...but now I "whatever". My son is 14 and you are right...the majority of the time especially when he said blah, blah, blah...he was not being disrespectful.

All we can do is ..take it one step at a time...one day, one hour even one minute.

jan

<font face="arial black" color="#bf00bf">Janice Rushen</font>

<font face="Arial Black" color="#bf00bf"></font> & nbsp;

<em><font face="Arial Black" color="#7f007f">"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"</font></em>

From: Lorraine son <lorrainedavidson12@...> Sent: Mon, November 30, 2009 6:10:42 AMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: I Feel Like The Worst Mother Ever!!!!

lol. hands across the ocean guys, I get the "blah blah blah" as well.

From: <video228 (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Re: I Feel Like The Worst Mother Ever!!!! Date: Friday, 27 November, 2009, 3:02

,first off. dont ever feel like the worst mother in the world. you have been given a task in life that in the past would just have parents putting their children in mental hospitals and forgetting they existed (th efar past, thank God).it is probabaly very possible that your child is having a very hard tiem addapting to his new curicular and surroundings.my daughter is also 8 and it is amazing that she actually says the same thing "blah blah blah" when someone is jabbering on at her. but in her mind she is trying to be funny. she is not being disobedient or disrespectful by doing that. it is her way to fit in when she is with her peers.unfortunately, she is in the same situation. she had a excellent year last year and this year the kids are terrible with her.she comes home every day crying ans saying "no one plays with me".my suggestion would be to ask the teacher if there was a way to get your child to have "some

part" of what went well last year.for my child it was her teacher that was her "anchor stone".so now when my daughter has what they call a "good day" they allow her to go see her last years teacher for the last 30 minutes of school.this regained her stability a little.they even decided to have her go to the class and read to the children a short story (this made her feel important and useful)and gave her a feeling of accomplishment and self esteem, knowing that the younger kids were all listening to her becuase she read so well.as far as a behavioral plan, "DEMAND ONE! wether they say your child is doing well now or not.im not sure how your state works, but in connecticut, if we ask for a iep or a behavioral assessment, the school system has 45 days to get it done. if they dont they are in serious trouble with the state and can be sued by the parents.you are now a mama lion and someone is threatening your cub

or cubs.of course the claws will come. be proud of yourself for even looking for answers.fight the good fight and pick your battles carefully, but most of all make yourself heard. as my wife puts it "i have to speak loudly for my child because these children really dont know how to speak for themselves about what they need, nor will anyone listen to them.God bless you and stay strong.God never gives us more than we can handle.Most of all stay strong and proud and never feel as though you are a bad mom. youre only doing what is best.>> I sometimes just can't take it any more!!! My son will be 8 in a few weeks, and has been a real challenge the last few days. Over all, he is going great this year in school,

compared to past years (he is in 2nd grade now). However, the year is still early, and his pattern is to get worse as the year progresses.> > Anyway, yesterday it was a nasty email from the art teacher, and today from the bus driver. I am irritated with the school, because I have asked repeatedly for a behavioral plan, but whenever I do, his behavior is suddenly not a problem. I mostly get the impression they don't want to give him any more help because he does well academically. ....that' s a whole different story!> > So.....he has been getting in trouble at school, and has even been bad for my brother and mother, who he is usually really good for. Today he threw a notebook at my Mom, when she tried making him write sentences for being bad on the bus (he kept yelling "blah, blah, blah" and the bus driver told him 5 times to stop, and he would not listen). It's one thing for him to act up with me....but not so common with my

Mom. > > The final straw was tonight, when I took him shopping. It was getting late, and I was in a hurry. He continues to do everything he can to be pokey and slow us down, including spending 20 minutes in the bathroom (I actually let him go in to them men's restroom for once, and this is what happens....but he is turning 8...I need to eventually!! !). This is an ongoing issue with him. He does everything at his own (very slow) pace, and when he wants to. The world must revolve around him!! Mornings can be terrible because of this. I had just had enough tonight, and literally yelled at him all the way home from the store. We get home, I'm fuming, he's crying hysterically and apologizing. I start feeling really guilty and sat down to talk to him. He tells me that he wishes he were someone else (and starts naming kids he knows who are "good") and not him. He hates being him and said he wishes I would kill him, that he doesn't want to be

alive any more!!! My 2nd grader is talking like this. > > I probed more in to his behavior, and he finally admitted that he hates the kids at school because they are mean to him. He has asked me (actually begged me) before to move so that he could go to another school with nice kids. I get so frustrated, because everything is someone else's fault, or he has an excuse. He never does anything wrong!! Then he says this and I feel bad. Could he be acting out because of how the kids are treating him? > > He sees a therapist, so I could bring this up to her. He is also in social skills classes with the same therapist. I am so worried about him, and feel like my losing it is only hurting him more. He is soooooo smart, and I know he gets what is right, and what is respectful.. ..he just doesn't follow through. He says he doesn't know how to be good, but is that just an excuse?? I asked him if he thought I loved him....and he said

no!!! I have always tried to let him know that when I am mad at him, I still love him, I just don't like the way he is acting or what he is doing. Is this typical for a child to think this way? I also heard my Mom tell him she loves him no matter what he does.> > Guess I'm looking for suggestions! ! I worry sooooo much about what everyone else things of us, and I know I shouldn't. That causes way more stress, and I know this. Tomorrow we are suppose to go to my boyfriend's parents house for a birthday party (my boyfriend's 11 year old son), and I don't even know if I want to go now. He will probably act up, since he has been on a roll lately, and I will just stress out. I don't always feel they are the most understand people. My boyfriend's son (the only grandchild) couldn't be any easier, sweet, quiet!!! I just don't feel like they understand, and I worry about it more than I should!!> > Sorry to go on.....I just feel

soooooo bad and frustrated right now. I am a single Mom (Dad is what I would call the "Disneyland" Dad).....and it wears on me doing this by myself sometimes!!! !!!>

[Guest guest]

Sorry it has taken me so long to respond to all my responses. Thank you all so much for your encouragement and wisdom!!!! We had a MUCH better day today....after the last few days of him just being plain nasty to me!!! He has even been nasty to people he is usually really good for. I feel so bad that he has to struggle like this!I have since talked to his teacher and to the school guidance counselor....the guidance counselor being a waste of time. She called me at work today to give me suggestions on things I could do outside of school. Um, hello.....I'm contacting you to help me deal with the issues IN school!!!! So frustrating!!!As for his teacher, she did say they are dealing with the making fun of/getting along issue as a class. She said she has noticed this being a problem....not involving my

son. She again assured me he is doing good in her class. They "pull sticks" as a form of discipline, and he really isn't pulling too many for him (last year you could count on 2 or 3 a day)....maybe only a few a week....and even then, they are minor things, like getting his bad before he is supposed to (compared to last years name calling or hitting!). She did say he seems to do well inside her room, but struggles outside of the classroom (such as the nasty email from the art teacher, and the problems on the bus).I knew the bus would be a struggle, and my Mom has since agreed to take him to and from school!!!! So, as of tomorrow, he is no longer riding the bus. He got a second warning yesterday for "clapping his hands", and the next step is a one day suspension. I feel this is ridiculous and they are expecting way too much out of him (I was told I am always entitled to a handicap bus, which he totally does not

need!!!). What kid is quiet on the bus, let alone one with aspergers! He complains the kids are too loud on the bus, which he sometimes complains about at school too. I sent him with ear plugs today, and he said had them in most of the time on the bus. The bus driver conveniently commented this was his "best day ever"!!! Of course, I found out later my son was sad......as he thought he was getting kicked off the bus. Apparently when they gave him his number to be a car rider, he thought this meant he was kicked off the bus Poor guy!!! I had planned on surprising him with the news tonight, but didn't think about him finding out at school....Oh, and I was shocked to hear how many kids actually do the "blah, blah" thing! Makes me feel a little better knowing it appears to be common. He is sooooo smart, and sometimes I wonder how much he can control and what he is doing on

purpose!!I am seriously considering a very small private school. My boyfriend's son goes to a school, and his class consists of 9-10 kids....and it is a 5th and 6th grade class. While I'm not super excited about that, my son does well at school functions we go to there, and asks to go to school there. He thinks all the kids there are nice (of course, he isn't with them every day, and is usually around 5th/6th graders, who he does better with anyway). Does anyone have thoughts on this? I worry a small school may not be equipped to handle him, yet I can't help but think they could deal with him better.....considering they have only a few kids per grade (compared to the 26 just in his 2nd grade class....and that is one of 3). My son's boyfriend has a friend at the school who is autistic, and they do not go to church there. I'm assuming they send him to school there because they feel the school is good for

him?????Thanks again sooooo much for your support!!!!