Re: Curious.....

March 7, 2011

Hi,

I totally get what you're asking.

My son, too, would literally be on the computer constantly if we didn't find him other things to do. He does read, though, and as he's gotten older, if I say, "Hey, Ian, why don't you read for a bit?" - he goes right to it.

He'll go places with us and like you said, if we're doing something else he doesn't even care. But, on our way home or whatever, he's saying, "I get the computer".

I know there are some who say " only so many hours a day" and "only as a reward". I get that......but for us, it works. Heck - the first thing we do in the morn when getting up is turn the TV on whether we're watching or not. To relax, I love the tv. If nothing ever had to be done and there weren't other kids..he he...I'd probably watch TV all the time. SO....I get the "obsession".

My personal opinion is that if he can do other things..............even if he has to be asked to, then what''s the harm?

I also think to myself sometimes, If Ian wasn't on the computer, would he be out playing or looking for friends......talking on the phone? Nope. Not at all.

So....I think you gotta go with what works for you and your fam.

Robin

From: Connie <csjohnson70@...>Subject: ( ) Curious..... Date: Monday, March 7, 2011, 10:55 AM

I have a curiousity question, but want to explain myself first, so it doesn't come out wrong. My son can spend hours, literally, in front of video games or any type of computer game, be drawn in and won't have any sense of what goes on around him, and I as much as I hate to say it, so does his dad. I am always trying to tell my husband (soon to be ex), to spend quality time with our son as he is almost 13, and he doesn't do the father/son things with him, teaching him about building things, teaching him mechanical things, my son loves to go fishing and he rarely does that with him (even though my father in law offers all the time since he has a boat), my son wants to learn this stuff, and though I know how to do some, don't know how to all of it. My husband says they 'bond' over video games. Personally, I don't think he has patience to do some of the stuff with him, but we have another son without AS that also wants to learn this stuff. So,

getting to my question, do other parents find their Aspie children can get very wrapped up with video games? Do any of you wonder if some of that could be affecting the Aspergers and their ability to socialize? Don't get me wrong, I also play some video games occasionally, but wonder if anyone else has thoughts about this. Please don't take this note the wrong way, I am just concerned if my son is taking steps back by being on video games so often, when there are board games or other creative things that could be done, that would involve more socializing. I try to refrain from the boys playing video games as much as possible (so I am a mean mom), but find when we are busy with other stuff, they don't miss it. Any thoughts or comments are appreciated, but again, I am just looking for feedback, not trying to put down playing video games with your kids. Connie

March 7, 2011

My son can become totally immersed in a something. What that is will

change periodically, but while it's his obsession, it's his obsession.

We've tried to steer him toward things that have at least some redeeming

characteristics. For example, for a while it was the Tank Engine.

Everything was . Clothing, books, videos, toys, trips to ride

when its tour brought it anywhere within driving distance, you

name it! Then after a couple of years he lost interest.

For a while after that it was Mythbusters, then Club Penguin. For a

while now he's been consumed by the Warriors series of books about cat

clans.

My general approach is to use his interest, using it as a possible

reward or that sort of thing. I do try to limit his exposure to things I

don't approve of. For example, I'll let him play Sims, but not a third

person shooter kind of game.

I figure I can fight his passions, or I can use them to MY (actually his

but he doesn't realize that) advantage!

Eleanor, San , CA

Aspie son Isaac, 10.5 years old

On 03/07/2011 08:55 , Connie wrote:

> I have a curiousity question, but want to explain myself first, so it

> doesn't come out wrong. My son can spend hours, literally, in front of

> video games or any type of computer game, be drawn in and won't have any

> sense of what goes on around him, and I as much as I hate to say it, so

> does his dad. I am always trying to tell my husband (soon to be ex), to

> spend quality time with our son as he is almost 13, and he doesn't do

> the father/son things with him, teaching him about building things,

> teaching him mechanical things, my son loves to go fishing and he rarely

> does that with him (even though my father in law offers all the time

> since he has a boat), my son wants to learn this stuff, and though I

> know how to do some, don't know how to all of it. My husband says they

> 'bond' over video games. Personally, I don't think he has patience to do

> some of the stuff with him, but we have another son without AS that also

> wants to learn this stuff.

>

> So, getting to my question, do other parents find their Aspie children

> can get very wrapped up with video games? Do any of you wonder if some

> of that could be affecting the Aspergers and their ability to socialize?

> Don't get me wrong, I also play some video games occasionally, but

> wonder if anyone else has thoughts about this.

>

> Please don't take this note the wrong way, I am just concerned if my son

> is taking steps back by being on video games so often, when there are

> board games or other creative things that could be done, that would

> involve more socializing. I try to refrain from the boys playing video

> games as much as possible (so I am a mean mom), but find when we are

> busy with other stuff, they don't miss it.

>

> Any thoughts or comments are appreciated, but again, I am just looking

> for feedback, not trying to put down playing video games with your kids.

March 7, 2011

The diagnosis of AS is perservating on a narrow interest

this is a form of compusive behavior. If it was in the normal

range it would not be a developmental disorder.

Your son won't stop preferred activities unless you set

limits. The harder it is to set limits the stronger

the compulsion.

Many men are on the computer or phones etc. It is harder

to tell a husband what to do. If that is how he wants to

bond with his son, it will be hard to influence him to

do different.

You can try to broaden your kids interests especially on the weekends

at least a few hours each day can be spent doing something

you would enjoy and think you can get your kids interested

in. Movie, roller skate, swim at the YMCA, go to lunch

somewhere inexpensive but kid friendly, and if possible

encourage other relationships (maybe Grandpa would be willing

to take the kids himself to do different things).

Anything after school really depends on the child and their

stamina. We try every Friday night to see cousins and have

an activity with them. And during the week after school we

take it easy and I let my daughter spend time on the

computer to relax. If she could do more after school

I would have her do things. She really can't.

Pam

>

> I have a curiousity question, but want to explain myself first, so it doesn't

come out wrong. My son can spend hours, literally, in front of video games or

any type of computer game, be drawn in and won't have any sense of what goes on

around him, and I as much as I hate to say it, so does his dad. I am always

trying to tell my husband (soon to be ex), to spend quality time with our son as

he is almost 13, and he doesn't do the father/son things with him, teaching him

about building things, teaching him mechanical things, my son loves to go

fishing and he rarely does that with him (even though my father in law offers

all the time since he has a boat), my son wants to learn this stuff, and though

I know how to do some, don't know how to all of it. My husband says they 'bond'

over video games. Personally, I don't think he has patience to do some of the

stuff with him, but we have another son without AS that also wants to learn this

stuff.

>

> So, getting to my question, do other parents find their Aspie children can get

very wrapped up with video games? Do any of you wonder if some of that could be

affecting the Aspergers and their ability to socialize? Don't get me wrong, I

also play some video games occasionally, but wonder if anyone else has thoughts

about this.

>

> Please don't take this note the wrong way, I am just concerned if my son is

taking steps back by being on video games so often, when there are board games

or other creative things that could be done, that would involve more

socializing. I try to refrain from the boys playing video games as much as

possible (so I am a mean mom), but find when we are busy with other stuff, they

don't miss it.

>

> Any thoughts or comments are appreciated, but again, I am just looking for

feedback, not trying to put down playing video games with your kids.

>

> Connie

>

March 7, 2011

Im interested in this too, my son loves the pc, ps2/3, wii and xbox, he gets so absorbed at times he has toiletting accidents, I dont stop him playing them as he doesnt have many friends out side school, or in for that matter but he is a bit obsessive!!x x x HayleyFrom: Connie <csjohnson70@...>Subject: ( ) Curious..... Date: Monday, 7 March, 2011, 16:55

I have a curiousity question, but want to explain myself first, so it doesn't come out wrong. My son can spend hours, literally, in front of video games or any type of computer game, be drawn in and won't have any sense of what goes on around him, and I as much as I hate to say it, so does his dad. I am always trying to tell my husband (soon to be ex), to spend quality time with our son as he is almost 13, and he doesn't do the father/son things with him, teaching him about building things, teaching him mechanical things, my son loves to go fishing and he rarely does that with him (even though my father in law offers all the time since he has a boat), my son wants to learn this stuff, and though I know how to do some, don't know how to all of it. My husband says they 'bond' over video games. Personally, I don't think he has patience to do some of the stuff with him, but we have another son without AS that also wants to learn this stuff.

So, getting to my question, do other parents find their Aspie children can get very wrapped up with video games? Do any of you wonder if some of that could be affecting the Aspergers and their ability to socialize? Don't get me wrong, I also play some video games occasionally, but wonder if anyone else has thoughts about this.

Please don't take this note the wrong way, I am just concerned if my son is taking steps back by being on video games so often, when there are board games or other creative things that could be done, that would involve more socializing. I try to refrain from the boys playing video games as much as possible (so I am a mean mom), but find when we are busy with other stuff, they don't miss it.

Any thoughts or comments are appreciated, but again, I am just looking for feedback, not trying to put down playing video games with your kids.

Connie

March 7, 2011

I totally get where you are coming from on both issues! I worry about my 9 yo

ds playing too many games, watching to much tv, or sitting on the computer too

much. I try not to let him do it all day, but his grandmother (caregiver) and

father do. His father doesn't do any " fatherly " things with him. I attempt to

do the father stuff with him, but it is just not the same. I have a boyfriend

who is an awesome dad to his son....he tries to include my son, but I feel bhe

ius already trained to be like his father! I often wish I had met my botfriend

when he was even younger so he would have that influence earlier. Although he

doesn't always participate with them, he will often attempt, even for a short

period of time. He loves bf's son, so he just can't help himself. It is just

really sad that I feel that way....I really just widh he had a father intersted

in working hard to cond with his son. I find it extremely hard and stressful to

things with my ds, but every bit of progress is worth it. Just seeing him this

year in Upward basketball makes me realize it is worth it. Too bad his Dad

can't see that. He has always been one to take the easy way out!

>

> From: Connie <csjohnson70@...>

> Subject: ( ) Curious.....

>

> Date: Monday, 7 March, 2011, 16:55

>

> Â

>

> I have a curiousity question, but want to explain myself first, so it

doesn't come out wrong. My son can spend hours, literally, in front of video

games or any type of computer game, be drawn in and won't have any sense of what

goes on around him, and I as much as I hate to say it, so does his dad. I am

always trying to tell my husband (soon to be ex), to spend quality time with our

son as he is almost 13, and he doesn't do the father/son things with him,

teaching him about building things, teaching him mechanical things, my son loves

to go fishing and he rarely does that with him (even though my father in law

offers all the time since he has a boat), my son wants to learn this stuff, and

though I know how to do some, don't know how to all of it. My husband says they

'bond' over video games. Personally, I don't think he has patience to do some

of the stuff with him, but we have another son without AS that also wants to

learn this stuff.

>

> So, getting to my question, do other parents find their Aspie children can get

very wrapped up with video games? Do any of you wonder if some of that could be

affecting the Aspergers and their ability to socialize? Don't get me wrong, I

also play some video games occasionally, but wonder if anyone else has thoughts

about this.

>

> Please don't take this note the wrong way, I am just concerned if my son is

taking steps back by being on video games so often, when there are board games

or other creative things that could be done, that would involve more

socializing. I try to refrain from the boys playing video games as much as

possible (so I am a mean mom), but find when we are busy with other stuff, they

don't miss it.

>

> Any thoughts or comments are appreciated, but again, I am just looking for

feedback, not trying to put down playing video games with your kids.

>

> Connie

>

March 7, 2011

I think you answered your own question when you described your almost ex-dh. Think about how his over involvement with video games has affected your family, his relationship with his kids. So yes, anything done to excess is not a good thing. And it does affect his ability to socialize.

Roxanna

â€œOur lives begin to end the day we

become silent about things that matter.â€ - Luther King, Jr.

( ) Curious.....

I have a curiousity question, but want to explain myself first, so it doesn't come out wrong. My son can spend hours, literally, in front of video games or any type of computer game, be drawn in and won't have any sense of what goes on around him, and I as much as I hate to say it, so does his dad. I am always trying to tell my husband (soon to be ex), to spend quality time with our son as he is almost 13, and he doesn't do the father/son things with him, teaching him about building things, teaching him mechanical things, my son loves to go fishing and he rarely does that with him (even though my father in law offers all the time since he has a boat), my son wants to learn this stuff, and though I know how to do some, don't know how to all of it. My husband says they 'bond' over video games. Personally, I don't think he has patience to do some of the stuff with him, but we have another son without AS that also wants to learn this stuff.

So, getting to my question, do other parents find their Aspie children can get very wrapped up with video games? Do any of you wonder if some of that could be affecting the Aspergers and their ability to socialize? Don't get me wrong, I also play some video games occasionally, but wonder if anyone else has thoughts about this.

Please don't take this note the wrong way, I am just concerned if my son is taking steps back by being on video games so often, when there are board games or other creative things that could be done, that would involve more socializing. I try to refrain from the boys playing video games as much as possible (so I am a mean mom), but find when we are busy with other stuff, they don't miss it.

Any thoughts or comments are appreciated, but again, I am just looking for feedback, not trying to put down playing video games with your kids.

Connie

March 8, 2011

is ONLY interested in video gaming right now. Gaming is all he talks

about, all he thinks about, etc. He has toileting accidents too, and throws

huge tantrums daily because of the games. As a matter of fact, 95% of his

negative behaviors are in regards to this. I have been tempted to get rid of

every freakin electronic device in the home but last time I did that he stole

250.00 from his aunt and went to kmart and bought a Nintendo DS. He has also

broke into his only friends house when he knew nobody was home and stolen his

PSP.

I do limit his use, but even so it is a huge problem. He has been this way

since he was six or seven. Ever since he was old enough for influences outside

of the home to introduce him to GameBoy.