Distorted thinking

[Guest guest]

Many would say no because they believe that Asperger's children could care less about social relationships. I think this is untrue and for most ASPIES I do think they want relationships. But it is so hard for them. I also know from my experience that ANXIETY is a huge factor in the behaviors they present with such as isolation, fidgeting, ants in the pants, self stimulation, OCD stuff, rituals, etc.... Therefore I would say YES absolutly they can be overly self conscious. And it could be a contributing factor to their condition from a very young age. My wife and I are constantly trying to implement new things to help our child. After stripping a bunch of layers of deficits away I can confidently say that the number one thing for my son to overcome now is anxiety. Anxiety itself can be a self

fulfilling phrophecy. It can be like the elephant that is chained to the stack with a flimsy piece of rope. Because they still believe or assume it is a chain they don't even try to pull away. So once a pattern of anxiety is established it becomes hard to break. Likewise so do the adaptive behaviors they develop in order to cope.

My wife and I are trying our best now to lower the stress level in the house. For myself I'm trying to remain calm. And in a short period of time I can say it is helping. I need to do much better. My wife needs to doooo even much much better than I. But she is exhausted due to major lack of sleep (3 boys and one is a nursing baby still).

So with regard to these self conscious issues be very very careful. Often OCD overlaps with those on the spectrum. These kinds of inward thinking you are describing can lead to OCD behaviors. Around 15 or 16 I became obesseded with my hair. That lead to lots of touching of my hair. Eventually this turned into hair twisting and pulling. To this day I do it often. Its and OCD called Triptomania or something like that. A friend of mine has a teenage girl with OCD. He told me that the danger with OCD is that if they get obsessed with their weight or something like that then they can devleope Anorexia. Sorry for the spelling folks I just don't have time to correct.

So I would try to help them with their self image in anyway you can. Have them learn to play the guitar, drums, or some kind of cool instrument. Really anything that can build self esteem. If they are in an enviroment where they are being picked on all the time you have to get them out of there. We all know its a passing phase, etc....but for kids their ages its the whole world they know. It can be devastating.

I'd definately treat this just you would any normal person dealing with a self image issue.

From: Wilma <wilma1866@...>Subject: ( ) Distorted thinking Date: Wednesday, November 10, 2010, 5:13 PM

do AP children have lots of distorted thinking. like that they are fat and they are ugly. Or freak when people stare at them?

[Guest guest]

Hi there,

I cannot answer for all aspies but my 13 yo son has always had distorted

thinking, we've always said he perceives things differently. Unfortunately in

our case my son has VERY low self esteem because of his differences. Even though

he looks " normal " he knows that he sometimes acts different than the other kids

his age, that in itself is an esteem " killer " so he tends to be hard on himself.

And he definitely thinks everyone is staring or talking badly about him even

when they aren't

W

>

> do AP children have lots of distorted thinking. like that they are fat and

they are ugly. Or freak when people stare at them?

>

[Guest guest]

mine has way distorted perspectives - not abut being fat or ugly but that others are always trying to bother him, get him, give him hard time, accidenal bumps are they shoved me down the stairs - crazy thinkgs like that. I asked for a 1:1 to help retrain him to understand others perspectives at school, ut the district would not go for it. Amazingly a new school chaged much fo the behaviors we saw in relation to his distorted thinking, but he would tell us stuff that was completely untrue only to find out he was not lying- he believed what he was telling us. Someone had their leg out, he tripped and they were smiling because they were taking with another kid and joking around - teacher witnessed the entre event - he went ballistic and started punching the kid and had to be pulled off. come to find out he was hurt and in pain and could not express

that, and it was hidden under his clothing so no ne else saw it until i went to give him his bath that night. In the long run, I find we just act like interpretors explaining peoples actions to him all the time and their perspectives- he is not generalizing yet but will occassionally respond now with oh that was probably just an accident. he has to say it outloud to himself, but he is slowly starting to get that the whole world is not out to give him a hard time. There are moments though, usually in new situations he has not been exposed to that he reverts right back to the overreacting and he needs to be talked down from the ledge before he explodes.

Hope that helps give you insight from what we experienced anyways. My son is also on abilify and a supplement called calm-prt and we do notice he is much more flexible and open to the idea that it was accidental etc when on these, as opposed to when he is not. It is like you can reason with him on the meds and supplements but can't when he is not or they have worn off ( like early am).

good luck!

From: Wilma <wilma1866@...>Subject: ( ) Distorted thinking Date: Wednesday, November 10, 2010, 4:13 PM

do AP children have lots of distorted thinking. like that they are fat and they are ugly. Or freak when people stare at them?

[Guest guest]

I don't know about all, but my 6yo dd does. One of her issues is when she has a meltdown or in a mood, she doesn't like people, sometimes even me to look at her. She'll start crying or just yelling don't look at me. Also at 6 she is aware of her appearance. She likes checking herself in the mirror. Sometimes when I tell her how pretty she is she will argue with me and tell me that she isn't which she is (not being bias and all) lol. I just reassure her that she's pretty. She has even asked me if she was fat. I was surprised by this cause she's not at all and we don't talk even talk about our weight or the need to lose it. We have talked about my son being to skinny and his need to gain weight because he was was very seriously malnourished, but not about being overweight. You just never know what goes through their head or thought process.

-

From: Wilma <wilma1866@...>Subject: ( ) Distorted thinking Date: Wednesday, November 10, 2010, 5:13 PM

do AP children have lots of distorted thinking. like that they are fat and they are ugly. Or freak when people stare at them?

[Guest guest]

My son is 15 and he too seems normal...but knows he is a little different. And, has low self-esteem. He perceives things differently than we (his parents) or others. When someone speaks to him very firmly...he thinks they are yelling...but he can yell and says he isn't. He also thinks he has told us things when I think they are really thoughts in his brain....not spoken out-loud. Or he will says something and not realize he said it and deny it. I don't think he realizes he really said that ....

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: <kristenwallen@...> Sent: Thu, November 11, 2010 12:27:29 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Distorted thinking

Hi there,I cannot answer for all aspies but my 13 yo son has always had distorted thinking, we've always said he perceives things differently. Unfortunately in our case my son has VERY low self esteem because of his differences. Even though he looks "normal" he knows that he sometimes acts different than the other kids his age, that in itself is an esteem "killer" so he tends to be hard on himself.And he definitely thinks everyone is staring or talking badly about him even when they aren't W>> do AP children have lots of distorted thinking. like that they are fat and they are ugly. Or freak when people stare at them?>

[Guest guest]

Oh my God.  You just described my son!  I love this group, love that I'm not the only one experiencing these things! 

On Nov 11, 2010 7:33 PM, " rushen janice " <jrushen@...> wrote:

 

My son is 15 and he too seems normal...but knows he is a little different.  And, has low self-esteem.  He perceives things differently than we (his parents) or others.  When someone speaks to him very firmly...he thinks they are yelling...but he can yell and says he isn't.  He also thinks he has told us things when I think they are really thoughts in his brain....not spoken out-loud.  Or he will says something and not realize he said it and deny it.  I don't think he realizes he really said that ....

 

" In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity "     Albert Einstein

 

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: <kristenwallen@...>

Sent: Thu, November 11, 2010 12:27:29 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Distorted thinking

 Hi there,I cannot answer for all aspies but my 13 yo son has always had distorted thinking, we...

[Guest guest]

Ok does anyone elses AS child feel they need to " teach them a lesson " to those they perceive did something wrong to them?

On Nov 11, 2010 7:32 PM, " Jadczak " <bjadczak@...> wrote:

 

mine has way distorted perspectives - not abut being fat or ugly but that others are always trying to bother him, get him, give him  hard time, accidenal bumps are they shoved me down the stairs - crazy thinkgs like that. I asked for a 1:1 to help retrain him to understand others perspectives at school, ut the district would not go for it. Amazingly a new school chaged much fo the behaviors we saw in relation to his distorted thinking, but he would tell us stuff that was completely untrue only to find out he was not lying- he believed what he was telling us. Someone had their leg out, he tripped and they were smiling because they were taking with another kid and joking around - teacher witnessed the entre event - he went ballistic and started punching the kid and had to be pulled off. come to find out he was hurt and in pain and could not express

that, and it was hidden under his clothing so no ne else saw it until i went to give him his bath that night. In the long run, I find we just act like interpretors explaining peoples actions to him all the time and their perspectives- he is not generalizing yet  but will occassionally respond now with oh that was probably just an accident. he has to say it outloud to himself, but he is slowly starting to get that the whole world is not out to give him a hard time. There are moments though, usually in new situations he has not been exposed to that he reverts right back to the overreacting and he needs to be talked down from the ledge before he explodes.

 

Hope that helps give you insight from what we experienced anyways. My son is also on abilify and a supplement called calm-prt and we do notice he is much more flexible and open to the idea that it was accidental etc when on these, as opposed to when he is not. It is like you can reason with him on the meds and supplements but can't when he is not or they have worn off ( like early am).

 

good luck!

>>> From: Wilma <wilma1866@...>> Subject: ( ) Distorted thinking

> A...Date: Wednesday, November 10, 2010, 4:13 PM>>  > do AP children have lots of distorted thinking. like that they are fat and they are ugly. O...

[Guest guest]

I am with on this one. My son looks the same as all of his peers. He thinks he looks as differently as he feels, as differently as his mind is. I have been working with him over the last year, enforcing he looks the same ad that people do not instantly know he is sooo different, and it has gotten much better, but puberty has been especially difficult for him for many reasons. Thsi may be an issue you want to bring up with a therapist, they can be instrumental in finding a way to asset them feel more "normal". At least on the outside.

Amber Barnett

From: <kristenwallen@...> Sent: Thu, November 11, 2010 12:27:29 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Distorted thinking

Hi there,I cannot answer for all aspies but my 13 yo son has always had distorted thinking, we've always said he perceives things differently. Unfortunately in our case my son has VERY low self esteem because of his differences. Even though he looks "normal" he knows that he sometimes acts different than the other kids his age, that in itself is an esteem "killer" so he tends to be hard on himself.And he definitely thinks everyone is staring or talking badly about him even when they aren't W>> do AP children have lots of distorted thinking. like that they are fat and they are ugly. Or freak when people stare at them?>

[Guest guest]

ABSOLUTELY. My youngest was suspended from afterschool for fighting with a boy who was making fun of the oldest, leaving my oldest alone (in his mind) with a bunch of people who judged him. He felt the other child should be punished. He took things when the boy was not looking, tripped him when no one was watching etc. When the administrator finally figured out what was going on she suspended him from the program for three days. He stole her laptop and cell phone right out of her bag on the back of the chair. He had it a week until she said she had lost them both somewhere... I went home and performed a room search. He had taken both apart and had peices hidden all around both he and his brothers rooms. I reassebled and returned. I attempted to get him to apologize, he told her "I am sorry you are a stupid and ugly woman who is afraid of me and my sibling" and walked out

of the building and got in the car. He was 9. I was so shocked it took me three days to really address the issue and mae some explinations. When he said he was ready to apologize again I took him back and he stated "I am sorry I took your belongings and disassebled them, I know they wereexpensive, but I stand by my previous statements". I stopped trying to have that fight.

Amber Barnett

From: Cuttler <michelle.cuttler@...> Sent: Thu, November 11, 2010 7:43:44 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Distorted thinking

Ok does anyone elses AS child feel they need to "teach them a lesson" to those they perceive did something wrong to them?

On Nov 11, 2010 7:32 PM, " Jadczak" <bjadczak@...> wrote:

mine has way distorted perspectives - not abut being fat or ugly but that others are always trying to bother him, get him, give him hard time, accidenal bumps are they shoved me down the stairs - crazy thinkgs like that. I asked for a 1:1 to help retrain him to understand others perspectives at school, ut the district would not go for it. Amazingly a new school chaged much fo the behaviors we saw in relation to his distorted thinking, but he would tell us stuff that was completely untrue only to find out he was not lying- he believed what he was telling us. Someone had their leg out, he tripped and they were smiling because they were taking with another kid and joking around - teacher witnessed the entre event - he went ballistic and started punching the kid and had to be pulled off. come to find out he was hurt and in pain and could not express that, and it was hidden under his clothing so no ne else saw it until i went to give him his bath

that night. In the long run, I find we just act like interpretors explaining peoples actions to him all the time and their perspectives- he is not generalizing yet but will occassionally respond now with oh that was probably just an accident. he has to say it outloud to himself, but he is slowly starting to get that the whole world is not out to give him a hard time. There are moments though, usually in new situations he has not been exposed to that he reverts right back to the overreacting and he needs to be talked down from the ledge before he explodes.

Hope that helps give you insight from what we experienced anyways. My son is also on abilify and a supplement called calm-prt and we do notice he is much more flexible and open to the idea that it was accidental etc when on these, as opposed to when he is not. It is like you can reason with him on the meds and supplements but can't when he is not or they have worn off ( like early am).

good luck!

>>> From: Wilma <wilma1866@...>> Subject: ( ) Distorted thinking> A...Date: Wednesday, November 10, 2010, 4:13 PM >> > do AP children have lots of distorted thinking. like that they are fat and they are ugly. O...

[Guest guest]

My son and sometimes my husband do these things, too. It drives me nuts when my

husband thinks I know something he's never mentioned to me. And yet, sometimes,

I do know what he's thinking.

[Guest guest]

My HFA son has what his psychiatrist calls: wrongful thinking. Well, I'm

paraphrasing, I don't exactly recall what she named it, but it was something

like that.

A couple of months back he tripped down a set of cement stairs. Not untypical

for him, as he has low muscle tone, and is prone to falling. He seriously

thought I had done it to him. He theorized that I had oiled the steps before he

got there, or stuck my foot out and tripped him. He also thinks I have put

insects in his personal space. (He is batty about flies and moths being any

where near him.)

I'm not sure any kind of training can alter some of this thinking, as it seems

to be how his brain operates. Maybe when he is older he can redirect his

thinking. I'm hoping the risperdone he started on is helping him out.

He hasn't punched any kids for " tripping " him, etc., but I could see it

happening. More likely he would do a full body grab on another child, as this

has been his m.o. to cope with troublesome children.

The full body grabbing and too much hugging would be a whole other post!

Amelia

>

> >

> >

> > From: Wilma <wilma1866@...>

> > Subject: ( ) Distorted thinking

> > A...

> Date: Wednesday, November 10, 2010, 4:13 PM

>

>

> >

> >

> > do AP children have lots of distorted thinking. like that they are fat and

> they are ugly. O...

>

[Guest guest]

Hi there,

We have a 17 year old that is so dramatic. When anyone raises their voice in any

manner, it perceives it as being yelled at, even though he himself has no volume

control. We can tell him to be quiet a hundred times a day and it would make no

difference. All of his responses to things are extreme also ~ if it's something

sad that happened years ago, he still tears up about it and gets emotional. If

he things someone is not being nice, he flies off the handle to either retaliate

or defend whoever he feels is being mistreated. He's done this with adults too,

which is not acceptable, and we usually end up having a long talk with him after

wards.

Another thing we have issues with is that he makes up stories all the time ~

like he's trying to impress. We keep telling him that if he continues to make up

stories and lies, that people are eventually not going to believe him when he's

actually telling the truth. How do you deal with that????? I'm personally at a

loss myself.

There are a lot of oddities with our son, which for the most part, don't bother

us because he's always been that way ~ but I worry about him in the future ~ how

is he going adjust to having a job, a girlfriend, a life on his own. It's all

very scary for us as parents. He's not even really that interested in driving.

Anything you might be able to share ~ would be appreciated.

Thanks~

Dawn Marie

> >

> > do AP children have lots of distorted thinking. like that they are fat and

they

> >are ugly. Or freak when people stare at them?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

It totally amazes me how different our children can be but at the same time so much a like.

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Cuttler <michelle.cuttler@...> Sent: Thu, November 11, 2010 7:39:35 PMSubject: Re: ( ) Re: Distorted thinking

Oh my God. You just described my son! I love this group, love that I'm not the only one experiencing these things!

On Nov 11, 2010 7:33 PM, "rushen janice" <jrushen@...> wrote:

My son is 15 and he too seems normal...but knows he is a little different. And, has low self-esteem. He perceives things differently than we (his parents) or others. When someone speaks to him very firmly...he thinks they are yelling...but he can yell and says he isn't. He also thinks he has told us things when I think they are really thoughts in his brain....not spoken out-loud. Or he will says something and not realize he said it and deny it. I don't think he realizes he really said that ....

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: <kristenwallen@...> Sent: Thu, November 11, 2010 12:27:29 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Distorted thinking

Hi there,I cannot answer for all aspies but my 13 yo son has always had distorted thinking, we...

[Guest guest]

My son is like that too. You may want to try reversing roles...make up social stories...you play him and he play you. So when something happens, you would get overly dramatic crying really loud and ask him...what do you think? Don't make fun of him but try to get him to see what it looks like.

Also, as far as his yelling...(my son does the same thing)...I got a small recorder and am gong to tape him when he is yelling and play it back to him at a time when he is not upset.

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: holling1992 <holling1992@...> Sent: Fri, November 12, 2010 8:30:35 PMSubject: ( ) Re: Distorted thinking

Hi there,We have a 17 year old that is so dramatic. When anyone raises their voice in any manner, it perceives it as being yelled at, even though he himself has no volume control. We can tell him to be quiet a hundred times a day and it would make no difference. All of his responses to things are extreme also ~ if it's something sad that happened years ago, he still tears up about it and gets emotional. If he things someone is not being nice, he flies off the handle to either retaliate or defend whoever he feels is being mistreated. He's done this with adults too, which is not acceptable, and we usually end up having a long talk with him after wards. Another thing we have issues with is that he makes up stories all the time ~ like he's trying to impress. We keep telling him that if he continues to make up stories and lies, that people are eventually not going to believe him when he's actually telling the truth. How do you deal with

that????? I'm personally at a loss myself.There are a lot of oddities with our son, which for the most part, don't bother us because he's always been that way ~ but I worry about him in the future ~ how is he going adjust to having a job, a girlfriend, a life on his own. It's all very scary for us as parents. He's not even really that interested in driving.Anything you might be able to share ~ would be appreciated.Thanks~Dawn Marie> >> > do AP children have lots of distorted

thinking. like that they are fat and they > >are ugly. Or freak when people stare at them?> >>

[Guest guest]

my daughter does not like when others stare at herAmy Spikings ( ) Distorted thinking

do AP children have lots of distorted thinking. like that they are fat and they are ugly. Or freak when people stare at them?

[Guest guest]

Really, who does? I know our kids seem sensitive to this, but honestly, if I'm feeling in a funk and I think someones staring at me it irks me, too!! Maybe you could share with your daughter that she's not alone--other's do not like this either and find some way to poke some fun at the situation? If you have a fun, easy going family member, could you use them to provoke with some staring games (be dramatic and silly) and get some funny commentary going to let your daughter see the funny side of this, maybe?

On Sun, Nov 14, 2010 at 5:46 PM, Amy Spikings <amyspikings@...> wrote:

 

my daughter does not like when others stare at herAmy Spikings ( ) Distorted thinking

 

do AP children have lots of distorted thinking. like that they are fat and they are ugly. Or freak when people stare at them?

[Guest guest]

My son can't stand for other kids to stare at him or whisper or mouth words to him. He loses it every time and then he is the one who gets in trouble because the teacher doesn't see or hear what the other student did first. They just hear or see what my son does because he is so vocal. ne

From: Amy Spikings <amyspikings@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Distorted thinking Date: Sunday, November 14, 2010, 5:46 PM

my daughter does not like when others stare at herAmy Spikings ( ) Distorted thinking

do AP children have lots of distorted thinking. like that they are fat and they are ugly. Or freak when people stare at them?

[Guest guest]

My son does this too! They are trying to work on this him at school, but I'm

not sure he gets it. They have also tried to teach him that there are different

levels of trouble. Yes it is wrong for someone to cut in front of you...that

would be a level 2, but when you hit them for cutting, that is a level 9, which

will get you in trouble. Usually the teacher only see my son hitting, not the

kids cutting and antagonizing him. He is only in 3rd grade, so we really need

to get this under control as I'm sure this will get worse as they get older!

>

>

> From: Amy Spikings <amyspikings@...>

> Subject: Re: ( ) Distorted thinking

>

> Date: Sunday, November 14, 2010, 5:46 PM

>

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> my daughter does not like when others stare at her

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> Amy Spikings

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> ( ) Distorted thinking

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> do AP children have lots of distorted thinking. like that they are fat and

they are ugly. Or freak when people stare at them?

>

[Guest guest]

The problem is sometimes called, "Theory of mind," There is a book we used called, "teaching children with autism to mind read" that was full of good ideas.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Distorted thinking

> > A...

> Date: Wednesday, November 10, 2010, 4:13 PM

>

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> >

> >

> > do AP children have lots of distorted thinking. like that they are fat and

> they are ugly. O...

>

[Guest guest]

My d aspie son doesn't like when ppl stare @ him. I can imagine if my dd were an aspie she would probably think about the fat & ugly stuff.

..:~Anita~:.